Also this:

Rice, who had always been assumed to be a conservative in her view of racial issues

“Wow, a black person has an opinion on racism! A black person thinks racism exists, or possibly has existed in the past! ZOMG she led us on, we thought she was just as willfully blind as us! ZOMG TRAITOR!!!”

You mean that thing you’ve never ever done.

Ask your mom.

Hey. You’re all invited to our next jamboree. Down here in Slowville. We’re gonna cook us up some possum and then exchange first cousins for a game of spin the moonshine mason jar.

After that some cow-tipping and a few rounds of Arkansas Roulette — pulling the trigger on a ten-gauge and see who’s still alive afterwards.

Hey, Goatboy. Ever done anything with your hands besides beat off? Guess what. You can do all the spackling and plumbing and carpentry and still get a collige eddication. Wanna see the deeploma I got through the mail?

Where’d you git YOUR deeploma by the way? Someplace real speshul, I’m guessin’. Mebbe that state collige up yonder Where they give out deeplomas for reading comic books. Whatchur major? Spiderman? Or Supergurl. She was hot wunt she?

I should quit this. I really should. Fielding your dumbass comments is like, well, tipping cows. A guilty pleasure no one should give in to.

BUT YOU’RE ALL SO FUCKING DUMB.

Sorry. Can’t help it. I’m definitely going to stop now. It’s not right to torment the helpless. Not right. Won’t do it. Any more.

Goatboy’s never been laid.”

Your mom’s just protecting your feelings. In truth she barked like a dog.

So, at what point in your 3X education did you find time to hang drywall, snake drains and patch stucco? Was this at the 3X VoTech? Because when I needed those type of jobs done, I hired it out. Too busy getting 1/3 of the eduction required to muster a “you’re a virgin” riposte, ya know.

Maybe I’ll call you if a squirrel gets into my attic, though. Are your rates competitive?

We’re drivel? Ouch, honky. That stings.

But I like that argumenting style you’ve got, ask the other guy some questions and then answer them yourself. I’m going to do the same to you but I’m not going to bother to write out the questions, just your answers:

No. No. No. I wish. Yes. Hitler. A bag of dicks. No. No. Cilantro. Three Mexican boys wearing wrestling singlets. No. Ruth Buzzi. A syphillitic wilderbeest.

BTW, they’re talking about you over in this thread. You should go defend yourself.

Umm. Sure they would.

‘Cause from what I see, they can’t even find a local dentist they can afford.

So tell ya what, ‘punk. Gimme a list of the eaters. What I’m seeing is clowns who can’t even afford the little car and the big shoes….

mikey

Hyuk. They’re too fulla squirrel and grits.

Goatboy’s never been laid.

Not likely to be, either.

I can’t tell you how much I love the commenters at this site. Every bit the brainless twitrs I’d have expected to be hangers-on for a bunch of unfunny pseudointellectuals writing over their heads (excuse me, haids).

Perfect. Absolutely.

A word of advice. Stop following links to Instapunk. Our commenters would eat you for lunch. Stay right here. With your thumbs up your asses. It looks good on you. It really does.

The joke

InstaPunk’s haid

He’s not a senator either? Damn.

You fellas are just plain pitiful. Know nothing, do nothing, be nothing drivel.

But I guess that’s your whole claim to superiority, isn’t it? Ever rebuilt an engine or a transmission? No. Ever assembled and finished a birdhouse from scratch? No. Ever laid bricks, nailed shingles, spackled drywall, or painted a damn fence? No. Ever written a fucking thing that wasn’t some kind of jeer at people with three times your education? No.

I bet you got some sloppy lowrider jeans that show off your sockpuppet genitals, though.

Is there anything in your life that’s real? Or is it all as smarmy, insubtantial, and pretentious as your presence here?

No. Don’t answer. I don’t even want to know.