May
6
6
Shorter Wes Vernon
Above: Wink, wink!
Happily, John McCain is man enough to call the Global Islamic Terror-Death Conspiracy by its proper name of ‘people who happen to be of the Islamic religion.’ Yet when other enemies of America attack [rolls eyes expressively] whoever dey be [folds lips inside-out] [drops to one knee, jiggles imaginary top hat] whoo-ee, McCain shoah do lose his starch [acts totally normal, as if nothing had ever happened] — although on the other hand, perhaps Senator McCain is learning.
Shorter concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Jennifer said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:16
Even shorter Wes Vernon:
John McCain will call the Islamofascists for what they is, but is afraid to call a spade a spade.
comsympinko said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:17
Cool specs.
The reason he looks so weird is that he has a condition called anisometropia, which means he has one nearsighted eye and one farsighted eye.
The nearsighted eye is minimized by the minus lens needed to correct it, and the farsighted eye is magnified by a plus lens.
Perhaps this has something to do with his uneven views.
Marita said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:19
OK, comsympinko… now can you explain what is making his hair levitate off of his head?
Blue Buddha said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:22
That was my next question as well.
comsympinko said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:23
Marita–
It’s the stupid trying to escape.
That horrible mane keeps it from getting out.
Jennifer said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:23
The reason he looks so weird is that he has a condition called anisometropia
In his case, I think it’s spelled anusometropia.
Doctorb Science said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:23
A guy with a big electric fan. He’s in a Korean karaoke video.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:27
John McCain is a great American and a patriot who will confront the islamofascist enemy with a zealous vigor and shall “follow them to the gates of hell” as he so elequently put it.
He does however need to be a little more forceful when standing up to the democrats. For example he should not have condemned the North Carolina Republican Party for airing a ad about Obama’s racist “pastor”. He is wrong for saying he will not go after Obama’s patriotism or lack thereof. In an attempt to be politically correct, he may just unfortunately alienate the very people whose support he needs to win the Presidency.
stryx said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:34
shit, some of the stupid got loose.
maybe we could use some pie to keep it away.
comsympinko said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:36
styx–
The stupid can’t get out through the hair, so it comes out through his hands and mouth…
J— said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:39
I notice Brad has Accuracy in Media just above. Here’s a bit of Vernon’s AIM page:
An iceberg’s tip and a train wreck, at the same time.
And a little bit more:
“History making” in this instance means making up history, just to be clear.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:52
If we hide all of the cliches the Brown Squirts will be unable to communicate.
Who’s with me?
mikey said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:56
Al Gore’s attempt to steal the election in 2000 by sneakily winning the popular vote and enough electoral votes to be president. Thank goodness the supreme court saved us from those years of president Gore and gave us the peace and prosperity of the bush/cheney years…
mikey
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:59
An iceberg’s tip and a train wreck
Great idea for a movie. Escaped convicts find themselves aboard The Titanic, with no brakes and no-one steering.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 6, 2008 at 4:03
John McCain…will confront the islamofascist enemy with a zealous vigor
A ‘zealous vigor’ is some kind of club or something, right? I’m entirely unfamiliar with the intricacies of World of Warcraft.
Legalize said,
May 6, 2008 at 4:09
“Escaped convicts find themselves aboard The Titanic, with no brakes and no-one steering.”
I’d like to see the Bush administration and the GOP sentenced to this fate.
With the AIDS monkey troll lashed to the bow.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
May 6, 2008 at 4:09
“For $5,000: Things found in Wes Vernon’s ass.”
“An iceberg’s tip and a train wreck!”
“I’m sorry it needs to be phrased as a question.”
[beep beep]
“What are an iceberg’s tip and a train wreck?”
Correct!
[Ding ding ding ding, applause]
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2008 at 4:10
When used to specify a kind of Vigor, ‘zealous’ means ‘after the manner of the Zealots‘, and refers to their insistence on circumcision.
Hysterical Woman said,
May 6, 2008 at 4:49
So I guess women who get killed getting pap smears should be happy they weren’t killed in an act of terrorism, because it wasn’t Muslims who placed a pipe bomb in the women’s health clinic.
Me said,
May 6, 2008 at 5:07
For over 24 hours I prayed for that hideous Mary Grabar photo to be supplanted by…something, anything.
And then you put up a photo of this claymation nightmare. What, exactly, are you trying to do to me?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 6, 2008 at 5:08
“Gavin M.”?
Who dat?
Snorghagen said,
May 6, 2008 at 5:29
Wes Vernon proved that that really happened! He uncovered this suppressed photo of what the White House looked like after the Clinton administration left.
OneMan said,
May 6, 2008 at 6:58
“He broke the story of the Clinton administration operatives trashing White House property before leaving in January, 2001.”
You mean that story that was entirely made up? Good going, Wes.
“…find themselves aboard The Titanic, with no brakes and no-one steering.”
gee…that sounds familiar….
Oh wait, that’s just us, the last 7+ years.
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2008 at 7:08
“…find themselves aboard The Titanic, with no brakes and no-one steering.”
gee…that sounds familiar…
I forgot to mention a couple of other plot elements — the poisonous snakes, and the asteroid on a collision course with the Earth.
Prospero said,
May 6, 2008 at 7:58
That’s going to be 51-point Fury talent in the next expansion…
fourmorewars said,
May 6, 2008 at 8:21
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2008 at 3:59
An iceberg’s tip and a train wreck
Great idea for a movie. Escaped convicts find themselves aboard The Titanic, with no brakes and no-one steering.
Throw in a Rebecca DeMornay/Kate Winslet catfight and I’m so there.
islmfaoscist said,
May 6, 2008 at 12:41
I sure hope Wes Vernon will write us a review of Matt’s new book about John McCain’s favorite Mad Pastor John Hagee, The Great Derangement.
g said,
May 6, 2008 at 16:19
He broke the story of the Clinton administration operatives trashing White House property before leaving in January, 2001.
Oh, I see. So HE’S the one who started that lie.
tigrismus said,
May 6, 2008 at 16:57
I forgot to mention a couple of other plot elements — the poisonous snakes, and the asteroid on a collision course with the Earth.
Snakes on a Train? No one will buy it.
OneMan said,
May 6, 2008 at 17:18
“Snakes on a Train? No one will buy it.”
Oh but Snakes on the Titanic?
Box office gold.
tigrismus said,
May 6, 2008 at 17:37
Ah, but it’s the Titanic North Atlantic Limited whose conductor crashes her sleek engine into an unsuspected iceberg on the tracks. The snakes would just add an unbelievable element to that otherwise perfect scenario.
Smut Clyde said,
May 7, 2008 at 0:55
Snakes on the Runaway Titanic — A Memoir of the Bush Years. The Best of Sadly,No!
I’ll start working on the cover art.
sagra said,
May 7, 2008 at 15:35
Hey, Lispy McPander! Don’t let the gates of hell hit you in the ass!
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
May 7, 2008 at 22:43
Dude looks like Bill The Cat.
Gag! Ack! Barf!
Smut Clyde said,
May 8, 2008 at 0:48
OMFSM yes.