Indeed, let’s not forget one of the greatest all-time hits of this brand of Wingnut Weasel Wordistry!

“British intelligence has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa…”

See— Bush never actually said that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa!!!

He simply cited what “British Intelligence” learned.

The fact that “British Intelligence” never actually said this, and that Sadam Hussein never actually sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa has nothing to do with anything! Stupid liberals!

you might as well re-define the slave trade as ‘labour recruitment’.

Actually, I’d guess Pantload and Friends, if they ever brought themselves to think about it at all, would consider it “shopping for agricultural machinery”. Labor, with or without the “u”, implies some level of humanity.

prison rape “jokes” are never ever funny. even if they are about jonah goldberg.

seriously. never.

NRO’s own Victor Davis Hanson will receive one of this year’s Bradley Prizes, worth $250,000. Here’s the press release from Hillsdale College, where Hanson holds a professorship.

HIllsdale is notorious.

Oh, it’s breathtaking. When pressed, Jonah will often retreat by arguing that his claim, no matter how inaccurate or stupid it may be in reality, was nonetheless correct and reasonable based on what he happened to know about the subject at hand.

Rhetorically, it’s almost a subtle difference: He’s not *really* asserting that, say, salvarsan was ineffective; he’s asserting that *the sources he’s read* claim that salvarsan was ineffective. The latter assertion is easy to prove, even for Jonah–”See! This is the book I read, and it says right here that salvarsan didn’t work! Liberals are dumb!”–and it allows him to convey a vague impression of wounded honesty, which is all that the faithful need to keep believing in him.

The convenient part of this strategy, at least if you’re an indolent piece of shit like Jonah Goldberg, is that it’s actually a *disincentive* to do research. The more you read, the more likely you’ll end up finding counterarguments and contradictory evidence, and that takes time and weakens your argument. Better to find a couple sources that say what you want, hedge your argument appropriately, and go back to your Cheetos and Miller Lite.

I truly think that Jonah doesn’t realize that a lazy imbecile’s description of a biased selection of sources is actually quite useless, even if it’s totally accurate.

World-class wanker.

You’ve got the logic down cold, but your style could use work. First, your line of argument is too clear. You should throw in a lot of weasel phrases, such as “some say”, “there is an ongoing debate”, and “x is more/less significant than many people realize.” At the end of a paragraph, a reader should have a strong emotional reaction without being able to pin down exactly what it is you are trying to say.

Also, try to use more of the unfamiliar words in your thesaurus. Don’t worry about using them correctly, nobody really knows what they mean anyway, and most readers are too lazy to look things up. The important thing is that you sound intellectual to them and that they feel intellectual for reading it.

Finally, you need to use obscure, rambling, stream-of-conscious connections to alter the very definition of commonly used words. For example, you could have pointed out that “slave” comes from “slav” and postited that the first slaves were, by definition white people, and that anyway it already existed in Africa, so liberals are to blame because they are the ones who are cultural relativists.

Overall, very good work. I expect great things from you.

(Sorry Prof Goldberg couldn’t grade any of your papers himself this semester, he was detained by an all-you-can-eat waffle buffet and the university refused to grant him another extension so that he could read all of your work and submit your final grade.)

The South was on the verge of ending slavery. But Nat Turner’s Rebellion made white people realize that the Negro could not handle freedom. So slavery lasted another thirty years as the southerners trained the black man in the discipline necessary for freedom.

And just when the South was just about to free the black man, round about 1860, the Northerners and the Jews started a making a big fuss about abolition and they elected the Black miscegenationist Republican Abraham Lincoln. Well, the southerner is a proud man, and even though he was about to free the Negro, he didn’t want it to look like he gave in to the Northerners and the Jews.

So five years of Civil War was all the fault of the Northerners and the Jews.

(Do I get an A, Prof. Goldeberg? Huh? Do I? Do I? Do I?)

Yeah, but obviously some of them haven’t, so white people have to keep a close eye on all of them. Who knows what they might do out of revenge if they ever got the chance.

I think the problem is that a lot of white people have never quite gotten over Nat Turner’s Rebellion.

Thanks!