May
2
2
Shorter Ross Douthat
Above: Cheerfully contemplates Hofstadter turning over in his grave
‘The Return of the Paranoid Style’
- 9/11 should have promised a return of wholesome movies reflecting a properly credulous culture, but alas the great moment was ruined by those America-hating conspiracy theorists of Hollyweird.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 2, 2008 at 15:36
At least we will always have the Kulturkampf.
D.N. Nation said,
May 2, 2008 at 15:41
Just.
Don’t.
Watch.
Don’t go to the movie. Change the channel. Easy as that.
Smiling Mortician said,
May 2, 2008 at 15:45
Ross sure does spend a lot of time thinking about George Clooney. Just sayin’.
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 15:54
Such self-conscious nods to contemporary controversies should be taken, in part, as proof that our popular culture is more impervious to real-world tragedy than most critics would care to admit. The machine that churns out Hollywood blockbusters grinds on remorselessly, and nothing so minor as a terrorist attack is going to keep the next Pirates of the Caribbean from its date with box-office destiny.
I don’t know… some of us think that the collapsing economy, wiretapping, the suspension of habeus corpus, torture as a foreign policy, and the god damn shit fucking Iraq War ARE real-world tragedies. Did someone create an automatic movie review generator? This asshole isn’t even trying. And just what about 9/11 was supposed to “redomesticate women?”
slippy hussein toad said,
May 2, 2008 at 15:58
Yes, I was unaware that 50 years of social progress would be erased by a terror attack. But it’s astounding that right-wing commentators had that expectation, and it’s grotesque that they appear to have “desired” such an attack to “bring America together.” That’s what always works for me. Senseless death and destruction visited on us by incompetence and caused by our own hubris of course makes me run to cling to the stupid fuckers who didn’t see it coming.
And can I just re-iterate that even now it appears that terror-porn enthusiasts are just jonesing for another bearded, turban-wearing maniac to burst into flames somewhere so that we can all be properly thankful we’re Americans again — and that I find that appalling?
Legalize said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:01
“We expected John Wayne; we got Jason Bourne instead.”
Thank Christ. Those Bourne movies are fun. And as we all know, John Wayne was a fag anyway.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:02
The fact is, the bad guys in the movies were Nazis, Commie and Terrorists. Now they appear to be Republicans and Corporations, and look a lot like Cheney. This is wrong, there should be more evils of Demoncraps portrayed in film, it would be more balanced, or better yet, only foreign evil, as it is not good to have Americans hate leftists boogeymen like Halliburton and Blackwater and Dow Chemical and Walmart. They employ us and make USA great. Hating them will only take the wealth elsewhere. Here in the Heartland, we support our good corporate citizens and thank them.
Fats Durston said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:03
Yeah, why would anyone be paranoid?
Joe Klein's conscience said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:13
Thank Christ. Those Bourne movies are fun. And as we all know, John Wayne was a fag anyway.
Wasn’t Wayne a wing nut(the Larry Craig kind)? And jiminy crickets, isn’t Douthat happy that Charlton Heston was a right winger(albeit after a conversion like Ray-gun)?
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:16
You want him to Douwhat?!
D.N. Nation said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:19
Well, commies are the bad guys in the new Indy flick.
roy edroso said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:23
I’ll believe in “our neo-’70s moment” when we get our neo-Wet Willie and neo-Paper Lace. And of course, cheap and plentiful neo-drugs.
Gundamhead said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:23
So basically, terrorist attacks are good if they make people act/think like Republicans. The fact that some people don’t act/think like Republicans in spite of terrorist attacks proves that they hate America. It’s all clear to me now. Thanks Ross!
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:24
Where have all the cowboys gone?
MajorKong said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:35
“We expected John Wayne; we got Jason Bourne instead.”
Would that be the John Wayne who avoided military service in WWII because it might interfere with his movie career?
flawedplan said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:36
O/T but I have to give thanks. Long story short, I’m here because I got lost in the first, big, long overdue clusterfuck about Over-Invested Identity Politics with my affinity group, and I needed to check the thread from last June. I’m reading it now, all 750 comments and it looks like I actually understand this stuff. I didn’t when it was happening, reading all the insightful and sophisticated commentary and thinking, I’ll never get this down, but I’ve been channeling you, HTML! Crude and hamfisted, but I’m new at fighting with my ersatz allies, and everything has a learning curve. It is a wonderful thing, to be able to point at something in blogtopia and say this is nourishing, helping me figure shit out, and I won’t hold back giving credit where due.
Gundamhead said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:40
“Would that be the John Wayne who avoided military service in WWII because it might interfere with his movie career?”
But of course! Fighting the war at home and all that. Pretending to be a hero is the greatest form of heroism there is. Plus the proles…er, Heartland Patriots need Patriotically Correct entertainment to keep their spirits up.
Gundamhead said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:40
“Would that be the John Wayne who avoided military service in WWII because it might interfere with his movie career?”
But of course! Fighting the war at home and all that. Pretending to be a hero is the greatest form of heroism there is. It’s the wingnut way! Plus the proles…er, Heartland Patriots need Patriotically Correct entertainment to keep their spirits up.
Gundamhead said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:42
whoops! I blame Liberals for that double post. Damn Liberals Parasites taking all the posts for themselves…
Gary Ruppert said,
May 2, 2008 at 16:55
The fact is, here in the Heartland, we watch old John Wayne movies to get inspired and heartened in the face of America’s threats at home and abroad. Most recent Hollywood films are anti-USA, blaming USA first, support for terror and USA-haters … all in the name of PC and bias. Well, here in the Heartland, we’re not buying it. We want to be inspired to fight terror and win, not surrender like the left does, and not blaming USA for our troubles. We are the best country in the world, if you hate it, please either shut up or leave. Here in the Heartland, we don’t wanna hear it anymore, we have too much hard work to do.
Susan of Texas said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:01
Actually, Gary, there in the Heartland y’all can’t afford to go to the movies anymore. Ticket sales are down 8%. And the most popular movies, by far, are family movies, not war movies, which just don’t make much money anymore. I wonder why.
You must be one of those conspiracy freaks who thinks Disney is trying to make your child a gay Islamic communist.
MajorKong said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:02
That’s why we call it the heart-land, because the brain isn’t here.
Legalize said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:02
“The fact is, here in the Heartland, we watch old John Wayne movies to get inspired and heartened in the face of America’s threats at home and abroad” …
…by masturbating into an old catcher’s mit in your parents’ basement?
“Here in the Heartland, we don’t wanna hear it anymore, we have too much hard work to do.”
Don’t worry, GArY, the spring semester will be over soon, and your delivery hours at the Papa John’s will slide back down to a more managable level.
r4d20 said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:04
But the Green-Lantern-Theory of Geopolitics says national WILL is paramount. The US needs the Will To Power and if these movies sap our Will To Power (and/or our precious bodily fluids) then they must be stopped.
Not watching is not enough
atheist said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:04
That’s why we call it the heart-land, because the brain isn’t here.
Hey! I resemble that remark
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:11
Anybody who uses the phrase, “eschews nuance entirely” instead of “completely avoids subtle distinctions” must be beaten with a club, then shunned.
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:16
RWS, that is why I suspected a review generator. Parts of it read like a $10 word mad lib.
Welsh Person said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:19
He’s really called “Douthat”? “Do that”? “Douche Hat”?
tigrismus said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:21
The fact is, the bad guys in the movies were Nazis, Commie and Terrorists. Now they appear to be Republicans and Corporations, and look a lot like Cheney. This is wrong, there should be more evils of Demoncraps portrayed in film blah blah blah
Yeah, but there aren’t; the people in it to make money are making that money- and lots of it, hand over fist- by making you and your heroes the bad guys. The customer is always right, after all, and hating you sells.
So, Gary, does the invisible hand leave a mark when it slaps you that hard?
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:22
pedestrian said…I suspected a review generator.
Well, I take back what I said.
Anybody who
usesis suspected of using a review generator should be beaten with a club, then shunned.tigrismus said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:23
Beating someone with a club would eschew nuance. Entirely.
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:33
Beating someone with a club would eschew nuance. Entirely.
Oh, I don’t know… what if you used George Bush’s driver and started off by saying, “Now, watch this swing!” I think that would be a nice touch.
El Cid said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:37
Yes, because Americans needed much, much more reminding from our movies that what happened on 9/11 was bad and that we didn’t like it, because you really didn’t get much of that from TV or the news or radio or newspapers or magazines or books or the internet.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:41
Beating someone with a club would eschew nuance. Entirely.
I only suggested it because subtlety is lost on some.
stryx said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:42
I can haz Atlantic job?
1) Traffic was a German mini-series first.
2) Too bad no one made a very successful and long running series during the 90s about government conspiracies etc. featuring villains who looked like Darth Cheney.
3) Srsly, post hoc ergo WTF.
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:43
Is it our fault that Cheney looks like a stereotypical movie villain?
Sagra said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:47
How about one of those ripped-from-the-headlines movies about the brave heros who captured Bin Laden? I’d go see that.
atheist said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:53
In my estimation, to eschew nuance entirely would, inter alia, tend to render ones prose humdrum, irksome and overly truncated.
…
Wait…. where is everyone going?
Rightwingsnarkle, what are you doing with that club?!
tigrismus said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:57
In the Virgin Ben thread, Djur claims to have truncated his own prose. Eschew on that!
stryx said,
May 2, 2008 at 17:59
Um- Life, Art, Art, Life.
Jake H. said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:00
So, wait, is Hollywood jaded and cynical or naive? Ross can’t seem to decide.
It’s funny that he considers a movie no one saw about Bruce Willis killing black “savages” to be the peak of American cinema, never to be regained. At any rate, I’m always amused by wingnut demands that popular culture reflect their values instead of the values of the people who are making and paying to see the product.
PeeJ said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:10
Poor guy’s been spending too much time with Michael Medved. Probably in his bed but that’s just speculation.
henry lewis said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:12
Douthat: …the movie industry has produced exactly zero major motion pictures dedicated to lionizing American soldiers fighting on the ground in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Really? What does major mean? Is it a qualifier Douche-Hat can later use to wriggle out of an argument?
Here’s a partial list (these are not recommendations):
The Valley of Elah
Lions For Lambs
Stop-Loss
Redacted
Saving Jessica Lynch
The Mark Of Cain
Battle For Haditha
Home Of The Brave
Green Zone (upcoming)
I’ve seen only two of these, I read outlines of the others. If they don’t “lionize American soldiers”, none of them could be called disrespectful of a soldier’s bravery, sense of duty, initial decency.
These are movies and movies are exercises in storytelling. The stories coming out of Iraq and Afghanistan are of massacres and gangrapes, clusterfucks and PTSD. Is that Hollywood’s fault?
Wingnuts, go find some heart-warming tale (that’s actually true - see Jessica Lynch) and make your own movie. Your side has all that
welfareresearch money, right? Give us an epic tale of righteous politicians, competent leadership, happy Iraqis (Sunni AND Shiite) and clear consciences. And clear off some trophy space on your mantles.Jim said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:12
Particularly when he uses a word like “lissome” to describe Monica Bellucci. There are a lot of ways I would describe her - curvaceous, buxom, chesty - before I would get around to whether or not she could bend over and touch her toes.
He also seems to be rather … broad in his descriptions of several films. Was there some part in the director’s cut of Planet Terror in which they make reference to bin Laden? Because it sure wasn’t there when I saw it in the theater.
Joe Max said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:13
Yeah, while Ronnie Reagan was kickin’ back in Hollywood, making propaganda films for the Defense Department.
Carnacki said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:15
I remember when The Atlantic was a good magazine, but I stopped subscribing to it a while back. When you see their recent hires, it’s clear that the real intended audience of The Atlantic isn’t people who read magazines for inspired writing. It’s wealthy Republicans who want to believe they’re smarter than the rubes they help manipulate to keep their power structure in place while too stupid the power structure is falling apart around them thanks to the policies on the environment, the war, the economy, the healthcare system that they keep in place..
Rugosa said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:17
I accidentally let my Atlantic subscription lapse. When I read stuff like Douthat’s, I wish I had cancelled it on purpose.
g said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:17
Oh, Christ! he opens by lauding “Tears of the Sun” that piece of neo-colonialist dreck where Bruce Willis saves the ignernt savages of Nigeria with his manly whiteness.
Of course Bruce-ie boy’s ass would have been seriously whupped in reality had he actually set foot in Lagos.
Niles said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:18
When pundits wander into pop-cultural waters, the sharks eat well. If this guy is going to use Tears of the Sun as his example, he should know the movie was not really a success; it didn’t even make back half of what it cost to make the movie.
Then he takes all of these counterexamples to his ‘paranoia’ (Red Eye, etc) and criticizes them for not having muslims as villains.
Oh, and let’s not forget his line about “The New York of Death Wish” v. “The New York of the Brave One” and how you’re more likely to be murdered in the former. That’s funny; I also think historically the odds are higher that you will get attacked by another urban dweller rather than by a terra’ist. (not that either is worth cowering in your attic over…)
Governor William J. Le Petomane said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:19
I saw Iron Man last night. Passable, but not great. Okay popcorn movie. Downey Jr. was pretty good.
The villains were of two kinds. First, you have the evil rapacious corporate defense contractor power broker guy and his henchmen. A stock character of the genre.
Second, you have the cave dwelling Afghan fighters who kidnap RD Jr. (this is in the previews and happens in the first 2 minues of the movie so I am not giving anything away).
What was interesting about this second group was that they scrubbed any trace of Islamic identity from these guys beyond the obvious (i.e. they are in Afghanistan and they speak languages from that area) and portrayed them as non-religious warlords bent on conquest of the region.
henry lewis said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:19
that piece of neo-colonialist dreck
I seem to remember a nice title sequence.
Governor William J. Le Petomane said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:23
Rugosa, same exact thing for me! You can get pretty much everything online for free anyway.
I think the Atlantic is pretty good, depending on which writers you choose to read. (Both Fallows and Easterbrook are pretty good - the latter’s football column on espn.com is good, if overlong and a bit self-absorbed at times.) The Harpers-like front section where they cull stuff from outside sources is pretty good too.
Legalize said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:25
“Was there some part in the director’s cut of Planet Terror in which they make reference to bin Laden?”
There was actually. It was completely minor and meant as a kind of “ooo, this could happen tomorrow” kind of thing. It was schlockly, like the rest of the movie.
Governor William J. Le Petomane said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:25
Good piece in the current issue about Al Franken’s race in Minnesota
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200805/franken
g said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:28
Well, I read the whole thing. I think he’s trying to say we’re all pussies because we don’t have enough violence in the streets, like back in his day, the 70’s.
But maybe that’s just me, and maybe its because I really ought to be working.
Joe Max said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:40
That’s because we don’t have an Office of War Information anymore, which Douthat obvious thinks would be a great idea:
Of course, we also had rationing stamps, blackouts, civil defense wardens, victory gardens, scrap metal drives, and Rosie the Riveter - you know, all those things a society supposedly at war is expected to be doing on the home front. Apparently Douthat thinks that all we have to do to defend our homeland (besides send our best and brightest off to get blown up) is to keep shopping and watch propaganda films, and everything will be just hunky dory.
pedestrian said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:50
g, I was a little thrown off by the end too. It seems that it is the 70’s all over again, except that it isn’t really the 70’s and that is good, or maybe bad. His writing is so incoherent that I can’t be certain, but I think that he is saying that the liberal Hollywood cabal has tried to artificially resurrect the turmoil of the Vietnam period, even though things aren’t really that bad and ponies might be coming soon, bad apples, 9/11, excelsior!
Fats Durston said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:51
Not just pussies, g, but whiny-ass pussies pretending it’s all tough. For me, the weirdest line it “This last reality brings us to the question of how authentic our back-to-the-’70s moment really is.” As pedestrian points out, there’s an awful lot of data Douthat ignores (or is unaffected by?) about recent events.
He also complains that Americans’ relationship to the Iraq war is merely a voyeuristic one, then uses the Iranian hostage crisis to claim that the 70s suffering was real and enduring. Is there any international event that affected fewer Americans and drew more–dare I say it–voyeuristic press? His overall argument seems to be that this malaise is merely Bush Derangement Syndrome writ cinematically, and that will all evaporate in 2009.
This article really deserves a fisking, as above with Tears of the Sun, to his lament that the Iraq war trumped 9/11 in cultural memory, to his neglect of vigilante movies in the 1980s.
Jay B. said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:55
I dunno, it was pretty anodyne, by the standards of the Kulturekamp genre. It was stock idiocy and ham-fisted analogies, but he avoided the “and the LIEbrals’ anti-war movies BOMBED” bullshit (because he tossed in Bourne, at the very least).
But it was thin, thin, THIN. First he tosses out 9/11, then conveniently forgets about the War on Terror entirely:
This last reality brings us to the question of how authentic our back-to-the-’70s moment really is. The Vietnam War was a cultural phenomenon in part because it couldn’t help being one—there was no way for Americans to keep the war at arm’s length, not with more than 50,000 dead, a million deployed over the course of the war, and every able-bodied teen and twentysomething at risk of conscription. In contrast, the Iraq War, a lower-casualty conflict fought by an all-volunteer military, takes place at a greater distance from the everyday lives of those Americans who don’t have a family member deployed overseas. The objective correlatives needed for a truly pessimistic era simply don’t exist for many Americans today. The last time around, we were participants; this time, we’re voyeurs.
He’s saying that at least back in the 70s, we all had skin in the game, so such things were a little more universal. Of course, by force-fitting the entire equation of Vietnam Does Not Equal Iraq, he’s trying to say that only liberals have a problem with this.
He neglects, of course, the basic collapse of the economy, the no-bid war profiteering, the spike in gas prices, all of the associated horrors that this war of choice (sprung from a regrettable war on us by other people) has wrought. While a million draft-age men and their families had to live, die or sweat through the Vietnam War, it’s not difficult to see this current folly affecting tens of millions of Americans directly. All while they read that oil companies are making record profits.
Vietnam, for all its horrors, was a creation of the Cold War. At least for awhile, one knew the sides. This is a war on Terror where we’re arming the terrorists and BP is getting richer. And Americans have no idea what the fuck is going on.
stryx said,
May 2, 2008 at 18:58
Yes, he’s really claiming that the 70s lasted through, um, the 70s.
Do they have to take some sort of lack-of-awareness test to get hired there?
lawnguylander said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:00
Dou dou that dou dou that you dou dou so well, Ross. Next time your inner Lindsey Neagle has notes for Hollywood how about you turn your attention to the Pat Tillman story? I’m sure you’re dying to see the that story of a brave soldier get the attention it deserves again. It used to get a lot. Let us know if Noam Chomsky should play himself.
D Johnston said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:04
I can’t believe I read the whole thing. Movies are insufficiently patriotic? There aren’t enough Muslim villains? Reading politics into non-political movies? *yawm* Talk about phoning it in. All he did was take some old Jason Apuzzo and Michael Fumento columns and stitch them together with the contents of a thesaurus.
Oh, and to henry lewis: He mentions some of those movies and how they don’t count. He doesn’t like Lions for Lambs because the marines aren’t white (apparently showing respect for Our White Troops is an act of patriotism, but showing respect for black and Latino troops is political correctness gone awry. Go figure). He doesn’t like In the Valley of Elah because it suggests that the government might actually cover something up (Imagine!). And he doesn’t like Redacted because some of the soldiers do really bad things and, to people like Douthat, depicting ANY U.S. soldiers as anything but paragons of virtue and sobriety fit to lead the legions of heaven is offensive.
And really, that’s the problem. To the culture warriors, anything that falls short of blatant propaganda is bad. They’ll be bitching until every movie features rock-ribbed, morally pure, salt-of-the-earth United States soldiers being commanded by virtuous leaders (who NEVER take kickbacks or act for political reasons) to defeat some cackling, turban-wearing Islamofascist who sodomizes the corpses of his victims.
stryx said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:08
What irks me is how he fails to mention the obvious current connection to the 70s- the actors (Cheney, Rummy, etc.) as well as the themes.
Except maybe to point out that now is nothing like the 70s. Totally.
Snorghagen said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:16
I read the whole sorry piece, but the last line says it all…
Basically, this article is Douhat trying to convince Douhat that soon the world will once again be hungry for wingnutitude and all will be well.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:37
Maybe The Onion will sue M. DoucheHat.
“The last six years have been a golden age of American apprehension and mistrust. Thanks to the events of Sept. 11, 2001, all of America was united, standing shoulder to shoulder in sheer, unrelenting fear. But tragically, that atmosphere of panic and confusion has begun to fade, and without another terrible attack to bond us as a nation, we are dangerously close to entering a post-post-9/11 era.”
henry lewis said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:38
Something about the background of that picture. And Douthat’s expression.
Why do I think he’s looking at the lingerie-wearing guy sticking his pecker in the tailpipe?
g said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:38
It seems that it is the 70’s all over again, except that it isn’t really the 70’s and that is good, or maybe bad.
Right. He’s kinda saying, well, you’re all worried about corporate greed and corruption, about the shredding of the constitution by an out of control executive, about a destructive illegal war, but unless you’ve got blood running in the streets, you’re a wimp to be bothered by it.
Of course, I expect his next column will be how he’s shocked, shocked at the decline of our perfect Western Civilization, as represented by Miley Cyrus’s naked shoulders.
mikey said,
May 2, 2008 at 19:51
Is it our fault that Cheney looks like a stereotypical movie villain?
Wait. The Penguin is a stereotype now?
Tears of the Sun was stupid and painful, but the scene where two fire teams and an overwatch DM take the villiage where the EVIL africans are brutally massacring the peaceful africans is pretty good.
Pretty nice depiction of small unit fire-and-movement, and the Suppressed nine that Willis uses is a nice touch.
mikey
Jake H. said,
May 2, 2008 at 20:17
Both Fallows and Easterbrook are pretty good - the latter’s football column on espn.com is good, if overlong and a bit self-absorbed at times.
Right, except for the fact that he completely sucks, Easterbrook is great!
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 2, 2008 at 20:50
I just came back from the hair salon. Got a razor cut and blow dry. Doin’ my part to bring back teh 70’s.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
May 2, 2008 at 20:51
All right!
Ross Douthat has a lot of awesome suggestions for films.
Three Days of the Condor
The Manchurian Candidate
(did he mention Seven Days in May?)
Awesome films, all around.
OneMan said,
May 2, 2008 at 20:57
Once again this comment thread proves that you don’t have to come to the convo very late at all to have all the good points taken. Bastards.
So I’ll just point out that when I see “Douthat” my mind turns it into “Douchechapeau.”
Blue Buddha said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:05
Did they feather your hair too?
Gary Ruppert said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:12
The fact is, Obama is the most liberal senator and you now its true, try and run away from that, and his muslim sympathies, and his close friend Wright.
Crissa said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:17
Shorter Douthat:
Aside from myself being detached from reality, I’m offended that in the fictional world there are conspiracies aside from the ones I believe in.
mikey said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:18
My hair is tied back in a long grey/brown pony tail.
Umm, that’s kind of seventies, isn’t it?
At least early seventies…
mikey
Olexicon said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:21
Shorter Gary
“most liberal senator” is bad, Obama is a muslim who attends a christian church
whjy does gary hate christian americans?
stryx said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:23
Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.
http://www.filmsite.org/taxi.html
1976
Thorlac said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:25
I’ve got white tube socks pulled up to my knees under my bell bottom jeans. No, really. I’m old.
Thorlac said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:26
And I’m too fat for my Sans-a-Belt slacks. Woe is me.
Florence Jean "Flo" Castleberry said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:40
#
Gary Ruppert said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:12 (kill)
The fact is, Obama is the most liberal senator and you now its true, try and run away from that, and his muslim sympathies, and his close friend Wright.
Kiss my grits!!
SomeNYGuy said,
May 2, 2008 at 21:59
Isn’t his name pronounced “doubt that,” as in “Ross said what? Well, I doubt that!”
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
May 2, 2008 at 22:16
“Doutwat”
Fozzetti said,
May 2, 2008 at 22:19
Douthat, the Pantload and AceySpades look like brothers.
Lawnguylander said,
May 2, 2008 at 22:39
Don’t forget the Marble Douchebag. He’s part of the doughy bearded douchebag brigade too.
MajorKong said,
May 2, 2008 at 23:14
“The fact is, Obama is the most liberal senator”
Kind of funny how whichever Democratic senator happens to be running for President any given year gets that “most liberal” tag. It’s almost as if they were just making crap up as they went along……
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 2, 2008 at 23:17
Did they feather your hair too?
Yeah, kind of a Rod Stewart/T-Rex shag-style. Very hip.
Blue Buddha said,
May 2, 2008 at 23:48
Yeah, one reason why I keep my face mullet trimmed to all but under the chin is that I’d rather get mistaken as Ho Chi Minh or Colonel Sanders than any those douchebags.
owlbear1 said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:09
Richard Johnson, III has a problem. A BIG problem. He has to come up with $1.2 Million for next years budget or senior management will have to settle for a 4% increase instead of 6%. Third homes are at stake!!
Struggle with Charles as he is forced to pay overtime and laugh as he trims the employee fat. MARVEL at the Heroic way Charles solves his toxic waste problems and next year budget shorfall with a clever use of bribes, forgery, and mis-direction.
Fun for the whole family!
Laleh said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:26
My first time on this hilarious blog. A question for the stalwarts: is Gary Ruppert a parody? He can’t be real. Is he real?
Gary Ruppert said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:27
The fact is, here in the Heartland, we sometimes fuck our sisters. Well I do anyway.
Gary's Sister said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:29
I’m telling mom
Susan of Texas said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:29
It’s not clear. He’s either a troll, fake troll, fake who’s a real troll, or a ten-year-old bored homeschooler in his mom’s basement.
dim-witted badger said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:30
fucking pelicans.
alinarabia said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:30
He doesn’t laud tears of the sun at all, he just sets it up as a Green Berets style venture, that proved to be the only example of a much anticipated string of patriot-happy post 9/11 movies. A genre that never was, and he doesn’t even mourn its non-existence. I think the piece is more of a detailed but rather dispassionate report from the Kulturkampf, rather than a major salvo from one side fighting it.
Mrs. badger said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:33
I told you he thinks it’s a fish.
ligedog said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:42
He wants us to go back to the lowest point in American history before GW - the 80’s - lame clothes, lame music and the worst president of all time. People in the 70’s didn’t know how good they had it.
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:46
Oh yeah?
Well, maybe so, but I was 20 years younger and got laid a whole lot more in the eighties.
I’d go back…
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:59
When you say “Gary Ruppert”, you have to specify exactly which G.R. model you mean.
And therein lies the problem.
Ted said,
May 3, 2008 at 0:59
The fact is, Gary Ruppert is both real and fake. There was/is a REAL Gary Ruppert, and there are many Gary impersonators. It’s like Elvis, except the genuine article still shows up from time to time.
atheist said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:05
It’s not clear. He’s either a troll, fake troll, fake who’s a real troll, or a ten-year-old bored homeschooler in his mom’s basement.
I like to imagine Gary as an antisocial loner who lives in a shack in Idaho and who connects his 386 to the internet with a 2400 baud modem.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:08
I used to dream of having a 2400 band modem and a 386.
Back then, we’d take our abacus, tie the scraped wires from one end of an electrical cord to it, and plug it in the wall.
Kids today!
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:18
Two words.
Acoustic Coupler.
Either you know what it is, or you’re lucky…
mikey
atheist said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:26
Mikey, I’ll admit that I don’t, and consider myself lucky and too lazy to google it, I guess….
OK, now I read the piece in question. Douthat is strange. He keeps saying that Hollywood is ‘overreaching’ because the 2000s aren’t the 1970s.
Well, duh. They are just another period with some very important similarities.
What he takes to be “nostalgia for the 1970s”, I take to be rather straightforward reaction to the realities of today- a corrupt time with a war dragging on, where society is politically and socially fractured, and distrustful, to a degree that may even be beyond the 1970s.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:30
Mikey, at my first job outta collage (which was not a real job because it was working for some perfessers from said college, and did not include health care bennies and such), our printer connected at 600 bps.
Through the phones, to the system 370 mainframe. But I never had to use punch cards, so I guess I’m one of those spoiled kids you read about on TV.
OneMan said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:44
You had an abacus?!
We had to scratch our messages onto rocks with charred sticks and then throw them at each other.
Hmph. Kids.
Get offa my lawn!
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 1:46
I learned about computers (and got hooked) using UNIX System V and later SunOS/BSD platforms. When I started using DOS machines, I could never get the backslash deal. Used to piss me off. But then, when I first got introduced to Macs, and there was no way to even open a shell session, well, fuck that, y’know?
I used command-line ftp until 2002 just ’cause it was easier for me.
Those early UNIX machines were multi-user, addressing green or orange screen TTY terminals through Terminfo entries, typically at 9600 baud (you could see the screen writing one line at a time.
I had to learn to write fairly complex SQL queries by hand on the fly - no code generators back then.
Ahh. Those were the days, my friends…
mikey
tigrismus said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:04
We had to scratch our messages onto rocks with charred sticks and then throw them at each other.
You had messages? We had to sit around and wait until someone evolved a brain capable of developing proto-language…
PeeJ said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:05
I used command-line ftp until 2002
There’s another way?
<Acoustic coupler…
My first job in the computer biz was to write a plotter driver for a WANG with a whopping 4K of core. You don’t know what core memory is? Why it’s called ‘core’?
Git the fuck offa my lawn.
On another note, just the other day the ‘ho and I were reminiscing about answering the phone when we were kids, then run off yelling “Mom! MOM! Come quick mom! It’s LONG DISTANCE!”
commie atheist said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:10
I applaud those of you who were able to read the whole thing. I barely got through the first page before I said, “fuck it, I’m not wasting any more time on the crap.”
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:16
In my day we didn’t even have lawns. The old guy down the road would splash green paint on the stretch of tarmac outside his cardboard box, then yell at us to keep off it.
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:16
Oh, man.
Plotters.
There was a great big HP Plotter at a friend of mine’s company a LONG time ago.
I remember if I was stoned when I walked in to the shop, and the plotter was running, I’d be sucked in for an hour or more, watching it draw, then scoot over and pluck another color pen and draw some more.
Better than pretty much ANY tv show…
mikey
Brandi said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:25
Either you know what it is, or you’re lucky…
Or, in my case, both. (My parents didn’t see the point in BBSes so the family computers didn’t have modems ’til sometime in the later 80s.)
JoeBuddha said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:36
You had messages? We had to sit around and wait until someone evolved a brain capable of developing proto-language…
…And you try and tell the young people of today that…
I suppose I had it lucky; started out writing Fortran on a PDP 11-04 with 8 THOUSAND WORDS of core memory. Those were the days…
Snorghagen said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:36
You could sit? We could only float aimlessly in the primordial ooze as disorganized sub-blobs of unevolved cystoplasmic goo.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:43
There should be some wholesome movies post 9/11 such as those depicting American troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan as heros fighting for a just and noble cause. Not to mention Homeland Security films about islamic villians plotting death and destruction on American soil while a brave American FBI Agent saves the day for America.
Think of the Cold War when films portrayed the Russians as villians. Rocky and Bullwinkle for example. Instead now that the war is against militant Islam the villians would be islamofascists. These kind of films would sell big.
Big said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:43
Bang!
protected static said,
May 3, 2008 at 2:44
My grandmother had a party line up until the AT&T breakup or thereabouts - you needed to connect w/ the Ma Bell operator to make a long-distance call…
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:08
I’m watching the giants phillies game on tv.
It SOUNDS like they’re saying that the phillies pitching coach is named Rich Doobie.
I have no idea how he spells it, but I’d expect he’s a mellow fellow….
mikey
tigrismus said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:13
Snorghagen said, You could sit?… Big said, Bang!
Dammit, I love this place.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:26
Yep. It’s a sexbot that you don’t plug in.
Ben said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:35
I remember skimming through this article when it came out in print. As I recall, his point was basically that his interpretation of the movies doesn’t gibe with his interpretation of the zeitgeist, so the movies must be doing something wrong. I’d say this was unbearably stupid, but there’s always the chance that Douthat could wangle a consultant job from some sucker at a Hollywood studio, so he’s got his eyes on the prize at least.
Snorghagen said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:35
Yeah. I was going to post some thoughtful commentary pointing out the errors in Douthat’s piece… and then I thought ‘Why are you bothering to analyze this smegma?’
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:38
Hollywood is not true American culture. The majority of Americans do not approve of promiscous sex, homosexuality, adultery and secularism. The people in hollywood do not represent the real America. The real America is Church potluck suppers, outdoor barbeques, hunting, fishing, outdoorsports, baseball, football, county fairs and NASCAR. That is the REAL AMERICA not the faux america represented by hollywood and passed off to the rest of the world as American culture. If only the rest of the world knew how wonderful America and American culture is and they would if it wasn’t for hollywood. Because of the negative image hollywood presents of America, it goes beyond free-speech and into the realm of treason. The hollywood people should all be arrested and thrown into prison camps for treason.
Bigots are Cowardly Fucktards said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:43
Bigots are Cowardly Fucktards said…
Oh who cares what a cowardly fucktard says.
Hate is easy.
It’s also stupid.
Get rid of this piece of shit…
mikey
Patkin said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:46
The real America is the East coast. And considering nobody gave a fuck about anything lower than Virginia, the real America is the Northeastern blue states. Everyone else is a bunch of Johnny-come-laters. So GTFO, “Heartland”, you fucking losers.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:51
Hollywood doesnot represent America any more than the Ku Klux Klan represents White people. They are a flock of leftwing treason monkeys who import secular, immoral values and pass it off to an ingnorant world as American values. They should be punished for such treason. For misrepresenting America they should pay.
America said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:53
Mmmmm, sex.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 3:54
The majority of Americans do not approve of promiscous sex, homosexuality, adultery and secularism.
Candygram for Dave “the Shitter” Vitter!
Vitter remains a Senator and has not been censured, despite coming under intense public criticism.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:00
David Vitter should be forgiven because he has admitted his guilt and repented of his sin. That is exactly what Christ has commanded, forgiveness for those who admit their wrongdoing and repent.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:01
As a Great Man once said:
Let’s get it on!
Snorghagen said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:02
He comes when he’s intensely criticized by the public? Strange… unsavory…
No, the real America is Loving County, Texas, with an estimated population of 60. Anyone from anywhere else is an effete urbanite.
(Note that in 2000 there was a total of one resident between the ages of 18 and 24. The club scene must be intense.)
Teh Rest of the World said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:04
The majority of Americans do not approve of promiscous sex, homosexuality, adultery and secularism.
Umm, if you’re not going to use that promiscuous sex…
robert green said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:04
friday night drinkin’ time.
a) jonah goldberg’s head must be exploding what with the right winning elections in italy and their followers chanting “duce, duce”. poor guy.
so, with that in mind, tonight’s drink:
perricone fresh tangerine juice
organic lemon juice fresh squeezed
square one organic vodka
crushed ice
shaken, a lot.
then drunk.
TheMajorityofAmericans said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:08
The majority of Americans do not approve of promiscous sex, homosexuality, adultery and secularism.
The fact is, we not only approve of those things, we insist on them. In our churches, our government and our schools.
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:11
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
Let’s get it on!
More turtle-related activities.
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:14
We had to sit around and wait until someone evolved a brain capable of developing proto-language…
I suppose I had it lucky; started out writing Fortran
Fortran is not even a proto-language? Harsh, very harsh.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:19
Jonah Goldberg and Ben Sharpiro are two great rightwing pundits. They have both done alot of good for America and for the Conservative movement.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:25
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:11
LoL, Mr. Clyde. Slow ride, indeed! (Please turn speakers to 11 before clicking link.)
P.S. Did I fail to mention that on my first notajob, the programming notalanguage I used was PL/1? AKA the unholy marriage of FORTRAN and COBOL.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
May 3, 2008 at 4:53
I sniff my own poo.
protected static said,
May 3, 2008 at 5:17
At least you learned a notalanguage that turns up Google hits. I learned on a custom-built procedural language called Cheshire; it used a funky syntax that was kind of like DCL decorated with curly-brackets, it relied a whole hell of a lot on GOTO statements, it ran on VAX/VMS and DOS, and it read from and wrote to a custom-built heirarchical database. Looking back, it was an amazingly robust system; surprisingly easy to debug, really tight memory use, no crashes unless the machine it was running on crapped out…
I didn’t know how good I had it.
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 5:27
Not entirely turtle-related activities… more like fur-seal-and-penguin-related. I am easily amused.
Smut Clyde said,
May 3, 2008 at 6:34
{john] Wayne said: “We can’t all of a sudden get down on our knees…
I don’t see why not. It happens in porn movies all the time.
Johnny Pez said,
May 3, 2008 at 7:32
Wow, and here I was thinking “Ross Douthat” was an internet pseudonym homage to Dudley Doo-right.
Mike, in teh H.....Shoulderland said,
May 3, 2008 at 7:44
What he takes to be “nostalgia for the 1970s”, I take to be rather straightforward reaction to the realities ..
That’s because the wingnuts of the70’s got to be in charge this time , and create a lot of the reality they wanted, almost unopposed.
Why aren’t we getting those heroic “our-adventure-in-Iraq” movies? I don’t have any idea. Btw, Gary, do you ever go by “Greg”?
“Anxieties?” . “Paranoid Style?” Why would that be the be? (3rd story )
Evil corporate types? Why would anyone concern themselves with that ? Douche-that’s right . Hollywood’s just indulging in ’70’s-retread nostalgia.
Mike, in teh H.....Shoulderland said,
May 3, 2008 at 7:45
Aids, got that too. It posted, though. *shrug* ??????
sac666 said,
May 3, 2008 at 12:04
Uh, Ross Douthat wasn’t even alive in the 70’s, what the fuck does he know about it? 6 years out of college and the asshole knows everything. Thanks Harvard.
c u n d gulag said,
May 3, 2008 at 13:36
He should be known from now on as ASSHAT!
Hey, ASSHAT, just ’cause you don’t think there’s a right-wing conspiracy out to destroy this country, doesn’t mean there’s not a right-wing conspiracy out to destroy this country.
I’d rather have a “Parrallax View” than a paralyzed one, like yours.
To quote the great Bugs Bunny, “What dope, what a maroon…”
atheist said,
May 3, 2008 at 16:02
the programming notalanguage I used was PL/1? AKA the unholy marriage of FORTRAN and COBOL.
Well, for what it’s worth, I spend most of my time now programming on “OS/400″ a.k.a. “IBM i”, an operating system which was originally written completely in PL/1. I guess maybe PL/1 was ugly, but it could not have been useless.
NobodySpecial said,
May 3, 2008 at 17:28
Y’know, if I was a rightwinger, I’d be backing Hollywood 149%.
Y’know why?
Because that’s virtually the ONLY interaction most of the world has with America, and that interaction has been the ONLY thing that’s kept the rest of the world having a favorable opinion of Americans while the US government is almost universally reviled.
After all, the only thing keeping our image afloat is all that teevee we export. Dallas, Baywatch, Desperate Housewives….they’re not watching ‘Leave It To Beaver’, kids. If anything, they’re more likely to be watching ‘Leave It In Beaver’.
Snorghagen said,
May 3, 2008 at 17:53
Ross Douthat = that sour sod
Gary Ruppert said,
May 3, 2008 at 18:14
The fact is, I misspoke earlier.
billy pilgrim said,
May 3, 2008 at 18:14
I don’t have the mileage in old-school coding. I’ve done a little machine language, though, some fortran on punch cards, and I was REALLY GOOD with the juju known as SCSI chains….
My Macs have terminal access to the BSD Unix code, but I NEVER have to go poking around in there…. good thing too, I’d screw something up I’m sure.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 3, 2008 at 18:15
The fact is, I may have misremembered.
stryx said,
May 3, 2008 at 18:16
Y’know, if I was a rightwinger, I’d be backing Hollywood 149%….
I’m reading George Saunders Braindead Megaphone. Part of his metaphor for the American Media involves a guy at a party with a megaphone who swamps all the other conversations with endless banalities. As Saunders sees it, the guy with the megaphone puts an ‘intelligence ceiling’ on all the conversations. And thus we end up in Iraq.
Follow the link and read the excerpt. It should give you the first couple of pages of the title essay.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 3, 2008 at 18:20
The fact is, no one could have predicted this outcome.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 3, 2008 at 19:21
Stryx, here’s someone else’s take on the same phenomenon.
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 19:25
Billy! Yay for us! Back in the early nineties I used to have to build tape duplication platforms. DOS computers running ASPI Managers talking to towers containing 8 drives each.
And we would build these really cool “switchboard” type patch panels with centronics connectors. All the tower drive enclosures plugged in the back, and the operators could just connect the CPU to the drive towers, select the protocol and be in business.
Ran everything from 9 Track, TK50 and 3480 to QIC, 4mm DAT, 8mm Exabyte, everything you can think of.
Debugging SCSI was one of my “salable” skill sets that no longer has any value. Like understanding fixed- and variable block structures on data tapes.
Ah well. It was cool to be in demand for a while…
mikey
acrannymint said,
May 3, 2008 at 20:17
We expected John Wayne; we got Jason Bourne instead.
I can’t figure out if he means that John Wayne is a fictional character or if Jason Bourne is a real person
NobodySpecial said,
May 3, 2008 at 21:06
stryx: Eggzackle. It’s that megaphone they always wanted, and because they don’t control it, they hate it. So they try controlling it with an extreme wingnut (Valenti, Reagan), and then they get pissed off more because it doesn’t work like that.
billy pilgrim said,
May 3, 2008 at 21:17
y’know, mikey, cool as it was to have a little geek mojo, I don’t miss it much… I get more work done this way….
The big pile of Appletalk adapters and SCSI hardware brings back nightmares everytime I look at it though.
Simba B said,
May 3, 2008 at 21:25
I won’t argue with the productivity part of your comment, but…
Apple hardware of the 90s. Need more be said?
mikey said,
May 3, 2008 at 21:38
Overall, you’re right, billy. I like a compute environment that just works, like a phone or a car.
But it was really neat to have this tiny little piece of specialized knowledge that was in demand for a couple years. Got to pretty much call the shots.
Then came CDROM and the rest is history…
mikey
Djur said,
May 4, 2008 at 1:36
atheist:
Heh. I’m currently working with a client whose entire business runs on an AS400. There’s one technician there who understands it, and he’s been working with them basically since the iSeries’ inception. Talking to him is kind of like talking to someone who speaks Chinese through an interpreter — it’s never clear whether either of us are actually communicating to the other.
atheist said,
May 4, 2008 at 3:30
LOL
Yes, I’ve felt this difficulty in communicating with the rest of the IT dept. where I work.
I’ve talked with guys who still program on mainframes. That must be even worse.
Jenn said,
May 10, 2008 at 23:47
You know, for all the articles I read by republicans about liberal, PC bias in Hollywood, I have yet to meet a conservative in film school. If they are so pissed about it, they can get off their ass and make their own movies.