(With apologies to Theodor Geisel.)
Do you ever sit and ponder
Why your wife is leaving you?
Why she doesn’t sew and launder
Like she used to mostly do?
Is it just a passing phase?
Has she simply gone insane?
Does the woman have tri-ath-a-leets
On her tiny, wee pea brain?
That’s what I thunk, I’m here to say
I thunk it just like you
But I thunk it wrong and I thunk it gay
And you thunk it gay-wrong, too!
For if you listen hard on a windy day
And tie your brain all in a circle
You may just, maybe, might just may
Hear the wisdom of the Zirkle.
I’m here to say that in this way
I’ve heard the Zirkle’s tale
If you’d care to hear what I heard-say
I’m here to make that sale!
‘Pull up a chair,’ he did begin
‘Have some soup and sit a spell
‘It’s enough to turn you outside-in
‘This tale I’m going to tell.
‘I’ll tell it quick, I’ll tell it plain,’
Said the Zirkle with a frown
Pausing only oh-so briefly
To briefly hump the ground.
‘Your wife, well, she’s a goner
‘She’s gone and floop’d the coop
‘She’s left you for the pleasures
‘Of the porno floop-de-loop!’
It hit me like an old red brick
Could this Zirkle’s words be real?
‘Of course,’ he yelled, ‘don’t be so thick!
‘Get used to your new deal!
‘No more late night Yahtzee!
‘No more wholesome games of Clue!
‘You can’t role-play Bedroom Nazi
‘When you’re missing your She-Jew!’
‘But how,’ I asked, as the Zirkle fumed
And fussed in his Zirkle way
And opened up his Zirkle mouth
To have his Zirkle say:
‘She put something ‘tween her legs, see
‘To meet some whorish need
‘To tickle her own eggs, she
‘Don’t need your blanchy seed!
‘It’s called, they say, a dee-vorce aid
‘Jews ship ‘em by the wagon
‘Next thing you know, your wife’s in bed
‘With the Tyrant King Porn Dragon!
‘This Dragon, he’s the King of Porn
‘Part Tyrant and part King
‘With his Porny, Kingy, Tyrant horn
That’s far bigger than your thing!
‘He satisfies her in the bed
‘With his Tyrant Dragon Porn
‘He satisfies her on a sled
‘And while she’s eating corn!
‘Next thing you know, you’re on your own
‘Betrayed to the Jew Porn Male
‘(The Black Man also played a part
‘But that’s a different tale.)
‘It’s happening most everywhere
‘Swept the nation as it ‘twere
‘Running off with Jews is all the rage
‘From Bryn Mawr to Big Sur.
‘Stan’s wife, she left him for a Jew
‘And Jim Fipkin’s and Joe Fop’s
‘Not to mention their rich cousin,
‘Archduke Arthur Blipkin-Blop’s!
‘Yesterday, Pete found his gal
‘Muff-deep in Dragon heaven
‘Today, Pete saw her going down
‘On a hook-nosed Jew named Levin!
‘So listen up, young white men!’
Screamed the Zirkle, turning blue
‘The Tyrant Porn King Dragon
‘Is the Right Hand of the Jew!’
With that the Zirkle disappeared
To chase the Porno King
But just before he vanished
He uttered one last thing:
‘Stop sobbing on your pillows
‘In your mansions, at your ranches!
‘It’s time to get your act together,
‘You ad-dic-tion prone blanches!’