29
Tony Zirkle = D. Aristophanes Job Security
Also see The Editors and Dave Neiwert.
I’m considering discussing divorce aids and my plans for a “Derrenger’s for Dildos” policy to put guns in American women’s hands instead of divorce aids. Presently, when a criminal is arrested for a weapons crime, the prosecutors seek orders to destroy those weapons. What a waste! Put our criminal prisoners to work modifying those guns to be smart-guns that can only be fired when the female owner is holding it so that children don’t hurt themselves and so that criminals can’t use them (unless they use the woman’s hand). When a women turns in her stash of divorce aids, then give her a free gun to defend America when the jihadists follow us home.
I may discuss the historical fact that before there were Nazi doctors, there were divorce aid doctors who used these divorce aids to “treat” “hysterical” women. Is there an etymological connection between hysterical and hysterectomy?
And:
I’ve been getting a flood of e-mails and phone calls, some of which include death threats, about my attempt to raise awareness of how the great porn dragon inspires Jews into pornography and prostitution and then, like the snake he is, turns the public against the Jews. Some have questioned whether there is any link to Jews and porn-prostitution. I guess I’ll have to start showing the evidence:
[multiple links]
Unfortunately, those Web sites are just a small fraction of evidence you can find on a Google search of combinations of “Jews” “pornography” “sex slavery” “Israel” and “prostitution.” Let’s save our Jewish brothers and sisters from this tyrant king porn dragon before we get to another world-wide pogrom after a war with Iran or some other conflict and after the Jews get blamed again. Did I hear it right that Hamas, in their Constitution or in another statment, had the gall to blame the Jews for inciting the revolutions in France and Russia and WWI and WWII?
And:
The hippies gave us Generation X. Gen X, thanks to Clinton, skipped right over XX and spawned Generation XXX. The jihadist will never tolerate what Gen. XXX will sire. That should keep the snarky bloggers in business. Someone has to stimulate this economy.
My emphasis. He’s on to us, but it doesn’t really matter. Keep in mind that we haven’t even started in on his speeches in front of Neo-Nazis. On Hitler’s birthday. With Nazi flags hanging around an enormous portrait of the Der Fuerher. Woot.
Me said,
April 29, 2008 at 3:54
Unfortunately, those Web sites are just a small fraction of evidence you can find on a Google search of combinations of “Jews” “pornography” “sex slavery” “Israel” and “prostitution
Unfortunately, if you type words like “pornography” and “sex slavery” into Google with any other combination of words about absolutely anything, you get about two million hits.
Or so I’m told…
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
April 29, 2008 at 3:55
Liberals are a bunch of anit-Semites who constantly insult and openly oppose the Jewish people and the state of Israel. The Jews who were once a reliable part of the Democratic base are beginning to realize how they are being treated and are leaving the Democratic party in droves for the Republicans. The GOP is more in line with the values of the Jewish people which are pro-life, anti-gay and pro-Israel.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 3:59
Oh, is this the guy The Rude Pundit did a post on? He’s batshit crazy!
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:00
And of course if our new troll actually read Zirkle, he wouldn’t be calling liberals Jew-haters.
Actually, he would, but that;s just because our new troll is batshit crazy, too.
Ubu Imperator said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:00
With Nazi flags hanging around an enormous portrait of the Der Fuerher.
The best part was the sparkly cardboard letters reading “Happy Birthday Adolf.”
I wish I were kidding.
Flying Fox said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:01
He’s got some wonderful sources there. David Duke. The Klan. And that’s just the bottom of the iceberg.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:03
Liberal anti-Semites would just love to see the Jewish people fall into immorality. But Conservatives who support the Jews are looking out for them and are enlightening them as to the intentions of the left and the Democratic party which is not in their interests and is indeed actively working against them. This is why the Jews need to vote GOP, to protect the values which they hold dear.
Patkin said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:04
The great porn dragon?
That’s a rather lofty name for his wee winkle.
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:09
Given the fact that it is illegal for me to get married in the state where I live, I have no clue whatsoever as to what a ‘divorce aid’ is. I’m sitting here scratching my head (wanna watch, HAAM?)
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:10
Oh, and I’m not going to follow that link to find out. Just that little bit is too damned creepy.
Lawnguylander said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:13
gbear, I’m not clicking over there but I’m guessing he’s trying to play off the term marital aid. I guess he thinks getting a vibrator inspires women to divorce guys like him.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:13
You will never be allowed to get married to another man. America is a right of centre nation and 70% of the American people oppose gay “marriage.” Here in Canada the left is so firmly entrenched in our government that it is very difficult (though thankfully not impossible.) to get Conservative legislation passed. Stephen Harper will continue to try only as a righteous man could however.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:15
The best part was the sparkly cardboard letters reading “Happy Birthday Adolf.”
Yes, I liked that too!! Someone took the trouble to go shopping! Did they get them at Michael’s, maybe? Can you imagine being the Party Planner for the Klan?
I bet there are certain themes and colors that are verbotten. Like when I worked at a major Southern California university, and whenever we did donor events, there was a certain COLOR we weren’t allowed to use, because it was That Rival University Across Town’s color.
Couldn’t use flowers that color, linens that color, that color ink in any of the promo materials.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:16
I guess he thinks getting a vibrator inspires women to divorce guys like him.
yes. Sadly, its guys like him that inspires women to divorce guys like him.
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:16
g, you are a very dim-witted woman, aren’t you?
Flappy McScrotum said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:17
Holy smokes. For proof of a “Jews and porn-prostitution” link, he links to David Duke and the KKK. The thought of this brings tears to my eyes.. tears of awesome.
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:17
Wouldn’t just waking up in the morning inspire most women to divorce a guy like him?
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:22
It’s high time that someone drew attention to the obvious links between dildos, Nazi doctors, and the Jewish porn dragon. Why don’t the presidential candidates discuss these issues?
Seriously, this Zirkle guy is great. It’s like right-wing political Dada.
Adolf’s birthday always puts me in a festive mood.
Some Guy said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:26
The only thing that could make this better would be if he was caught in the bathroom with one of the underage boy nazis after he gave his speech.
If Jihadist hate porn, why isn’t he PROMOTING it, instead of trying to tear it down? Sounds like we all know where his true loyalties lay.
Mandatory interracial gay marriage, signed into law by President Barack Obama. You better pick out your partner now, HAAM, before all the good ones are taken and you’re stuck with the 300 pound ex-Black Panther. Squeal like a piggy, white boy! Squeal!
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:26
HAAMS, you’re fond of pie.
Joe Max said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:32
I liked the cute “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” letters hanging from the front of the table during his speech on Adolph’s birthday, the kind you hang on the wall for a 3rd grader’s birthday.
Ah, the banality of evil…
Patkin said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:34
You better pick out your partner now, HAAM, before all the good ones are taken and you’re stuck with the 300 pound ex-Black Panther.
That bastard! He said he’d stay true to me!
Joe Max said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:34
And he’s right.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:34
One download, your mind’s a la mode
it’s the tyrant king porn dragon!
One download, your mind’s a la mode
it’s the tyrant king porn dragon!
You’re walking along the road one day,
up comes a man dressed all in grey;
he blows a little aerosol in your face
and you find your mind’s all over the place…
One download, your mind’s a la mode,
it’s the tyrant king porn dragon!
Doodle Bean said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:38
Shhhhhhh! Don’t tell Zirkle that The Onion is how we dirty fucking hippies communicate our plans!
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:43
The best part was the sparkly cardboard letters reading “Happy Birthday Adolf.”
It it old news to say that one of the other speakers at that birthday party was a guy who’s running for office in Indiana. Guess which party?
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/04/23/gop-candidate-tony-zirkle-wishes-adolph-a-happy-birthday/
julia said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:44
Tony Zirkle on Wait Wait
Listen to “Panel Round Two”
bad Jim said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:46
We may be misjudging this guy. Perhaps there is a “divorce aid” called a “Tyrant King Porn Dragon”, and he heard there was juice dripping from it, and he mistook “juice” for “Jews” … nah.
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:46
Bah - you’re just using that old-fashioned linear logic crap. Tony Zirkle is trained in the art of 5th dimensional logic, with which one can easily support something by opposing it. By doing exactly what the Jihadists want, he is ensuring their defeat, and he’s doing it without the use of dildos.
Also note that Zirkle has a page entitled The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers. It looks impressive, but the first few sentences fused my synapses so I haven’t gotten through the whole thing yet.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:48
gbear: Given that the political divide in Indiana is Republican-Libertarian, that was probably one of those bipartisanship deals. You know, like Hillary pretending to give a shit about guns, except you kill Jews instead of innocent little animals.
Incidentally, I think I’m not alone in that if I weren’t comfortable with vibrators I’d be divorced. This isn’t even the sexual revolution we’re talking about, this is pre-Kinsey stuff. There’s a real psychosis at work with these people, and I’m glad that we’re getting to a point where the electorate is learning not to elect fucking psychos by Pavlovian aversion - yeah, they occasionally make stuff blow up real nice on TV, but then they destroy your jobs, your kids’ school, and your homes, and then they call you faggots when you ask them to stop.
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:54
oops. same guy. ignore previous post. time for bed
gbear said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:56
gah! ignore my previous post, which is now the previous previous post. just pretend I wasn’t here tonight, ok? thanx
Hysterical Woman said,
April 29, 2008 at 4:58
What the fuck are Porn Mules?
jim said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:01
Gosh, trollfag, you DID notice you’re sticking up for a guy that gives speeches at NEONAZI meetings, right?
What do you think that makes your self-righteous jaw-music about “liberal anti-Semitism”?
Wow, look at that - my bullshit-detector just went NUTS!
Wasn’t LIBERALS keeping Jew-quotas - or bans - in universities & workplaces a while back, you blithering snotsack. It was CONSERVATIVES.
Oh, & 3 guesses who skinheads in the US vote for.
Every damn time.
The letters GOP ring a bell?
Duke, Metzger, Zundel & all their oh-so-white buddies are truly grateful for your - & Zirkle’s - support.
PROTIP: History courses are available online - please take one.
PS: you still suck.
Hysterical Woman said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:03
He does have a point. Not about the men chasing children (ugh) but about the chemicals in um, divorce aids.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:11
What the fuck are Porn Mules?
Clearly, they’re cute little backless high-heels with gold, glitter or a fluff of marabou on the instep.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:14
Courtesy of the British Museum, a Roman rendition of the Tyrant King Porn Dragon.
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:17
Maybe so, but I don’t think Zirkle proposing the creation of a Federal Bureau of Dildo Inspections. I get the impression that he wants to abolish all weenie-shaped objects
Lord Gary Ruppert said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:18
The Fact is, Liberals and HUSSEIN Obama are servents of Tyrant Emperor Porn Dragon, who saps the strength of the Judeo-Christians by polluting precious bodily fluids with poisoned divorce aids, and destroy our Womb-Babies to help Mud Troglodyte Islamic Jihadi-murders Global!
Blue Buddha said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:19
Um, yes. Namely that “hyster” comes from the Latin/Greek word for womb. The word hysterical was coined during the uptight Victorian Era, when women were considered to be mysterious and confusing creatures.
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:22
This Sunday, be sure to attend the neo-Baal cult adultery worship book store porn temple of your choice.
Doctorb Science said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:24
>Is there an etymological connection between hysterical and hysterectomy?
Does he not soon after talk about googling stuff? I mean, this is actually a pretty interesting question if you’ve never thought to ask it before. “Hysteria” was thought to be an unbearable lightness of the uterus, causing it to wander upwards and smoosh the lungs and diaphragm and heart and whatnot. Hippocrates, practical man that he was, reasoned that it what these women just needed a good deep dickin’ from a real man. Unfortunately this was in ancient Greece. Anyway, millennia later there’s a neat if somewhat creepy collection of Victorian hysteria-treatment machines, which are basically steampunk orgasmotrons, I guess.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:26
I finally bit the bullet, as it were, and went to Zirkle’s site. what a dork.
Am I right in that Tony Zirkle seems to be somewhat missing the point of sex toys? He seems to think they are used by women to the exclusion of their partners….does he really have that much naivite and that little imagination?
Blue Buddha said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:28
And the Tyrant King Porn Dragon is still alive and well in Japan.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:34
He seems to think [sex-toys] are used by women to the exclusion of their partners
How does that work? Do you wedge them under the door so it won’t open from outside? Or erect them around the bed in a defensive palisade of dildi (a phallustrade)?
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:36
Umm, divorce aids?
mikey
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:39
Would that be a Grand Porn Dragon?
Come on people, you know this guy is going to start the Divorce Aid Disposal service where men concerned about their marriages can send the dreadful objects.
And then he’ll claim that wetsuits are somehow a threat to humanity …
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:40
He’s going to be both a governor and a president. And a congressman.
Maybe Zirkle should consider concurrently running for Emperor of Japan.
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:40
I bet there are certain themes and colors that are verbotten. Like when I worked at a major Southern California university, and whenever we did donor events, there was a certain COLOR we weren’t allowed to use, because it was That Rival University Across Town’s color.
Couldn’t use flowers that color, linens that color, that color ink in any of the promo materials.
Wow.
Like the bloods and crips…
mikey
mikey
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:42
Am I right in that Tony Zirkle seems to be somewhat missing the point of sex toys? He seems to think they are used by women to the exclusion of their partners….does he really have that much naivite and that little imagination?
I don’t have the heart to go see if he’s ever been married, but he genuinely deserves to be a virgin if he isn’t one in reality.
And really, someone who is that fixated on women being sexually violated by swarthy men AND freaks out about them pleasuring themselves - well, I’m surprised he hasn’t just gone and spelled out ‘ladies, you’re not allowed to enjoy baby-making; that’s disgusting, just like those icky things you have on your chest and your great big horrible flabby asses’ for the half of his constituents he feels are so damned subhuman.
Christ, I really wish that we were less shitty as a culture about allowing people to express their sexuality freely. It’s a real pity that the misogynists have done such a thorough job of spinning patriarchy as good for straight men; the norms of society being set by shitheads like this actively worsens all of our sex and romantic lives. I like to think that if we were less horribly repressed, he’d be free to have violent, angry anal with other conservative blowhards instead of forcing his bloated self on women (whose genitals he probably thinks of as play-doh and bacon) and furtively snagging and shame-fucking innocent young twinks.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:43
Or erect them around the bed in a defensive palisade of dildi (a phallustrade)?
Congratulations, sir: you win the Internet.
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:44
Did I ever tell you guys about the little vibrator repair shop I used to run in Sacramento?
The number one complaint was excessive noise.
So I’d use folded matchbook covers and strategically located drops of glue to dampen the noise without, well, damping the the vibration.
The test runs were very interesting, to say the least.
mikey
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:47
sort of like fixing that wobbly table in a diner.
Some Guy said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:49
G, they scare him and threaten the virility of his mighty mighty penis. He prolly doesn’t get that women miiiight not be fully satisfied with 30 seconds of hard thrusting followed by a curt ‘g’night’.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:49
Hmm, there’s an interesting thought: someone with better physics skills help me out here, of two vibrators with the same frequency and surface area, would a more or less dense one make more noise, all other things being equal?
Probably less dense, but if it’s the other way around a tungsten alloy stealth vibrator would be bad-ass.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:49
Smut Clyde wins the Internons, the hamsters that power S,N! and an illustrated book called “How to Serve WingNuts.”
Hmmm…
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:50
I don’t know. Two with the same frequency used simultaneously might set off some kind of weird phasing thing. Scarey.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:52
Huh. You know, come to think of it, the best solution would probably involve a louder vibrator - something high-frequency and high-pitched. It might take a bit getting used to, but something of around normal volume for a vibrator with a tone around normal for a piccolo would barely carry through cardboard - lower-frequency tones carry a lot better. Always keep a fresh set of batteries, kids!
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:53
The noise was created by contact between the motor and the outside plastic case.
The challenge was to dampen the contact with impacting to any great degree the, er, functionality of the device itself.
Fortunately, I had ample opportunity for R&D, and as a result became the acknowledged “go to” guy…
I could add horsepower and still shut down unpleasant buzzing noises.
Life can be good when you have a valuable skill set…
mikey
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:55
G, they scare him and threaten the virility of his mighty mighty penis. He prolly doesn’t get that women miiiight not be fully satisfied with 30 seconds of hard thrusting followed by a curt ‘g’night’.
I like to think that when he wants to make the evening really special, he gives her a firm executive-level handshake instead.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:57
Oh, no, he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t give women handshakes, he acts all weird like he’s afraid of making contact with you.
Trust me, I know this kind.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 5:58
mikey: Yeah, but I was more thinking about the noise inherent in something vibrating. I didn’t know it was possible to bring the noise profile down a great deal, but then we normally get the cheap-ass pastel kind that passionately warns you not to use it for thigh massage - the beauty part of cohabitation really is not having to worry about noise.
So it’s possible to get it to the point that it doesn’t carry out of a room under normal circumstances? Neat.
FelixMoronia said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:01
Mikey, did you include that skill set under “work experience” on your last job application?
and yes you have told of the little repair shop before. Please continue: I laugh every time you do!!
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:01
g: You’re probably right. He’d shake his own hand instead.
Or her father’s; her rugged, virile father’s.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:06
You know, the more I read Zirkle’s stuff, the more I find:
Put our criminal prisoners to work modifying those guns to be smart-guns that can only be fired when the female owner is holding it
I’m not sure, but I think this only applies to the Judge Dredd universe.
Is there an etymological connection between hysterical and hysterectomy?
Please tell me that’s a rhetorical question.
Otherwise, I may have to send Tony Zirkle a dictionary. Most of them have etymologies, these days.
PhysioProf said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:08
This demented fucking wackaloon is a gift that just keeps on giving!
Here is the first sentence of his policy position on Drug Crimes:
Wha!?
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:12
Wha…?
Huh?
I’ve known drug dealing doctors, drug dealing engineers, drug dealing restraunteurs, even drug dealing drug dealers.,
But a drug dealing prosecutor? Are you sure you want to self-identify in that fashion, young man?
mikey
jharp said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:12
Just a little heads up. From National review online. I believe it was Katheryn Jean Lopez or something like that.
“In startling contrast to Hannity’s opinion journalism, CNN’s “news” coverage on Sunday night went out of its way to be as unfair and unbalanced as possible. They aired Wright live.”
Not a joke.
Alex said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:18
You may make fun of him, but I challenge any of you to disprove the following argument from Zirkle’s Web site (or for that matter, understand it):
It’s like an unholy mashup of Alan Keyes’ obsessions, Lyndon LaRouche’s Weltanschauung, and Emerson Lake and Palmer lyrics. He makes Philip Atkinson look like Bertrand Russell.
addiction prone blanches™³²®© said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:21
That’s right beaches, send us our $20s.
Sooner is better.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:25
I take no credit for the word ‘phallustrade’, which was invented by Max Ernst. All I contributed was patience, the patience to wait for months until an opportunity came up to use it.
The Jews … are leaving the Democratic party in droves
What are these ‘droves’, by the way? Are they some sort of ritual Judaic vehicle? Is it something like a Shriner car? — festively-bedecked with phylacteries, perhaps. I have this mental image of all the Hassidic dudes making a big ceremony of their departure from Democratic party headquarters, leaving in a parade of droves six abreast, puttering along at their maximum speed of 8 miles-an-hour.
I am prepared to be corrected if this is wrong.
pedestrian said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:28
then they call you faggots when you ask them to stop.
or, you know… for actually being gay.
mikey said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:32
The jihadist will never tolerate what Gen. XXX will sire.
Hokay. This just isn’t fair.
I read this like twelve times. I THINK he’s self-identifying as a jihadist. But it’s not clear.
‘Cause wouldn’t “what Gen. XXX will sire” be, um, the children of Gen. XXX? Uh, by definition? So do the jihadists hate porn, or just a specific generation of children?
My head hurts.
Dammit…
mikey
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:36
What goes around, sometimes comes around, and sometimes a Zulu massacre comes right back in a dot com a few generations later to taunt a people in a new, more efficient destroying form of the same song, different dance hate speech. If addiction prone blanches can’t get their act together, then all of us who have a shred of justice in our spine may one day have to debate the idea of giving them what their ancestors gave to the natives, the author or whom is still honored with placement on the $20 bill…
I, uh, shit. Maybe he’s using ‘blanches’ to hide the fact that he’s basically fantasizing about talking the savage negro out of enslaving Whitey, and honestly feels he’s being some kind of hipster maverick for thinking this way (instead of running with such a persistent racist trope that Heinlein wrote on it, for fuck’s sake).
Also, Clyde, you’re a shameful lying liberal fascist cretin. Droves max out at 12 mph on the highway, or, in the measurements the Lord our God who delivered us from bondage in Egypt would prefer we use, 125.7 cubits per fortnight.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:41
pedestrian: Holding your breath waiting for the electorate to give a shit about any but the most egregrious oppression is a good way to asphyxiate yourself.
It’s a pity there’s no single group like the NAACP for gay rights - and by ‘like the NAACP’ I don’t just mean fighting for gay rights but fighting as brilliantly and tactically for gay rights without actually losing sight of or compromising the principles behind them like the NAACP did (and does) for civil rights. If it hadn’t been for the absolute strategic genius the NAACP brought to bear, we’d almost certainly still have quotas and grandfather laws; they did brilliant, painful, difficult, and nasty work and they made it look easy and clean. We fortunate youth forget that once upon a time denying a teenager access to a nearby public school because of the color of their skin seemed acceptable to most people.
We need to make it as nasty for the powers that be to deny civil rights to gays as it was for them to deny civil rights to blacks. They’ve learned not to be as brazen about it, so no easy points from jumped-up bigots setting on harmless young men and women with fire hoses and attack dogs. But you have to really break the public’s hearts to get them to start hating the bullies instead of the victims.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:43
You know, if I ever form a band, I will call it Steampunk Orgasmotrons.
addiction prone blanches™³²®© said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:46
I am prepared to be corrected if this is wrong.
Smut Clyde, I’ve witnessed Lubavitcher motorcades. It’s a miracle many more people haven’t been killed.
A miracle, I says. Let’s all convert.
Galactic Dustbin said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:47
Tyrant King Porn Dragon.
Damn. I need to change my Halo 3 name.
tontocal said,
April 29, 2008 at 6:53
Well, personally, I think that Jewish male porn actors are like, you know, soooo hawt!
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:06
from the ‘addiction prone blanches’ quote…
He seems to be saying that we’ll eventually have to consider dispossessing and crushing ‘them’ in the same way Andrew Jackson once dispossessed and crushed the Indians… but I can’t figure out who ‘them’ is. Is he fantasizing about exterminating blacks, or Jihadists, or drug dealers, or pornographers, or Democrats, or addiction prone blanches?
This guy’s brain works in mysterious ways.
Lawnguylander said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:12
I said I wasn’t going to go over there but I did. I found this thread where after sort of admitting that his Jewish ex wife left him because he’s nuts, he speculates on a connection between a woman’s consumption of pork and difficulty reaching orgasm:
In that same thread he reveals that he sure knows a lot about porn for someone who hates it so much:
I bet a husband knowing Tera Patrick’s ethnic makeup and Seymour Butts’ real name are way more predictive of divorce than his wife acquiring a vibrator.
addiction prone blanches™³²®© said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:15
I like the name “addiction prone blanches™³²®©”, but the Cowboy Junkies is still better.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:15
all of us who have a shred of justice in our spine
Unfortunately there is no room in my spine for even a shred of justice, on account of all the truth hidden there.
J-Bob said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:17
Oh, if only Tony would pop a beret on his head, grow a goatee, and pick up a guitar…
Smut the Tyrant Porn Dragon
Lived on Our P.C.s
And Frolicked in a Godless Bliss
In a Land Called AntiSemitreeeeee
Little Jackie Liberal
Loved that Rascal Smut
And welcomed all the jihadists
To blow up all our butts
And then Mr. Zirkle would, of course, strum a birthday song sing-along for Adolf, but he’d have to make it into something like “The Hospitaliano Birthday Song” or something like they have to do at the Olive Garden, ’cause rumor has it those old biddies who own the copyright to “Happy Birthday to You” will sue your ass if you sing it without permission.
va said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:17
I seem to recall that Catherine MacKinnon, renowned harvard leftist/feminist, had a hand in making porn illegal in Indiana. Can we make her take responsibility for empowering this guy to prosecute jews?
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:27
in the measurements the Lord our God who delivered us from bondage in Egypt would prefer we use, 125.7 cubits per fortnight.
I suffer from what a comment over at Orcinus described as “ignorance of biblical proportions.”
No, wait, the comment was talking about Zirkle.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:36
a birthday song sing-along for Adolf, but he’d have to make it into something like “The Hospitaliano Birthday Song”
So he’d shave bald and wear a military outfit, maybe call himself the Duke? I like this guy more already; I’d feel confident putting our trains in his able hands.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:38
Lawnguylander: Fucking score - this guy is a gold mine. Who even uses the word ‘Jewess’? Lord God!
Homosexuals are aids monkeys said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:40
I like to stick divorce aids up my ass!
addiction prone blanches™³²®© said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:43
That was very good, J-Bob.
You’ve earned your watch.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:43
I don’t know if anyone’s pointed it out yet, but he recently suggested we should reinstitute segregation and instead of one half-black senator blacks would have six ones from three states, unless the black states he has planned get 6/5 Senators apiece.
That the first paragraph isn’t actually a joke is a little sickening. And he got all sanctimonious about the Republicans finding it disgusting, claiming that he didn’t care whether he won the race as long as he had gotten the real important ideas he had out there (also, evidently nationalized segregation is necessary because blacks are criminal drug-addicted welfare-sucking layabouts - not kidding, that’s what he claimed to be the reason, and he thinks this shit is empowering and magnanimous!)
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:51
but I challenge any of you to disprove the following argument from Zirkle’s Web site (or for that matter, understand it)
Uh…OK, I’m beaten.
g said,
April 29, 2008 at 7:57
.s. Dr. Reality, is there any research on the enhanced ability of Jewesses to reach climax? If so, could it be because they don’t eat pork and get their blood clotted. ie, put it in count to three and you’re already there. If so, Jewesses don’t need divorce aids unlike pork-artery/veined-clogged Christian women, some of whom take more energy to satisfy than an iron man triathlete if you consider the porn videos where these cross hanging from their necked non-nappy headed harlots get abused all day and still don’t get there.
Wait a minute. Wait…a…min.nute. Am I missing something? is this guy a Republican politician? I mean, like really? Is he fer real? Has he endorsed McCain? what the fuck is CNN waiting for?????
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:13
pork-artery/veined-clogged Christian women, some of whom take more energy to satisfy than an iron man triathlete
A revealing sentence, indeed.
How much energy does it take to satisfy an iron man triathlete?
Vast and cool and unsympatheticInquiring minds would like to know, and Tony Zirkle is apparently the expert.addiction prone blanches™³²®© said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:21
How much energy does it take to satisfy an iron man triathlete?
And this concludes our sharking-jumping for this evening.
Candy said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:27
This Zirkle cat almost makes the screeds of Pastor Swank look crisp and to the point.
Thursday said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:28
That’s right between “Grand Dragon” and “Grand Titan” in the KKK hierarchy, isn’t it?
Dan Someone said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:32
Addiction Prone Blanches is the name of my emo band.
Lesley said,
April 29, 2008 at 9:30
Q: Who is “Homosexuals are aids monkeys” and why is he posting his hate-filled bullshit on the Intertubes?
A 1: A turd
A 2: Because if he walked the streets of Canada with a sandwich board with “homosexuals are aids monkeys” on it, he’d be arrested and thrown in jail for perpetrating a hate crime. But not before he was beaten to a pulp by passersby.
Some Guy said,
April 29, 2008 at 9:48
“what the fuck is CNN waiting for?????”
They’re too busy camping out in front of Obama to see what sort of America-hating gaffe he pulls next, like, not wearing a flag-lapel with the correct amount of swishy-ness, or drinking beer from the wrong shaped mug, or shopping at the store and going in down the aisles in the wrong order, or whatever the fuck else these fuck-knobs decide is critically important to being president.
Subotnik said,
April 29, 2008 at 9:51
Look, what he’s saying makes perfect sense.
Many women are dissatisfied in their relationships, so they use dildos.
We should take away their dildos and give them guns instead.
That would mean fewer divorces.
See, that would work. Although maybe not in the way he intends.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 10:12
my plans for a “Derrenger’s for Dildos”
Does anyone else read this phrase and think of a chain of boutique stores (motto: “Orgasm? We has ‘em!”).
However, Zirkle’s plan will only worsen the homogenised-retail situation where you can go into a shopping mall or a High Street anywhere in the world and find the same brands, the same franchises. Instead, we should be encouraging diversity and patronising quirky local stores.
————————————-
This comment was brought to you by Mikey’s sOundless big-O shOppe, sole outlet for the Blue Tungsten Stealth Vibrator*. “We’re hand-crafting, for better shafting!”
* Guarantee does not cover pelican-related accidents.
alec said,
April 29, 2008 at 10:43
Pelicans: womankind’s oldest foe.
Smut Clyde said,
April 29, 2008 at 11:14
It has belatedly occurred to me that if I were the one running a vibrator-repair service, I would call it Œstrus. Then people would ask how it was pronounced, giving me the chance to explain that “The O is silent”.
Plan B would be to have a side-line of repairing watches and changing batteries and things, so the shop could be called “The 13 Clocks and the Wonderful O”.
Schwag of Tulsa said,
April 29, 2008 at 12:34
Where’s the Hebrew Hammer when you need him?
Alex said,
April 29, 2008 at 12:39
The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers
Ah. This is clearly a crude attempt to create a verbal Langford’s Basilisk; an idea the brain cannot parse, leading its computational process to crash. Unfortunately for the author, it’s a truism that any computer system of complexity X can be exploited by an intelligence of complexity >= X, which in his case includes a surprising number of cats.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
April 29, 2008 at 13:34
Anthony Zirkle = Ken la horny zit
tigrismus said,
April 29, 2008 at 14:58
Now, I can’t claim to know anything about porn, especially not with the depth and breadth of Zirkle’s knowledge, so I’m not sure how much this applies, but I would like to point out to him that just because a man is circumcised doesn’t mean he’s Jewish…
OneMadClown said,
April 29, 2008 at 15:11
This guy is a fucking gift from the gawds…never before has there been such a tightly compacted sausage of right-wing memes and personality traits, just dropped into our laps by a loving (if kinda passive/aggressive) cosmos.
Racist (segregationist?!), anti-semitic, loony religious, brazenly projecting his own sexual dysfunction onto the world at large, willing to use hilariously insane phrases such as “Tyrant King Porn Dragon”, “divorce aids” (did I mention the projection?) and “Derrengers (sic) for Dildos”, and not too swift on the uptake (“…he didn’t believe the event he attended included people necessarily of the Nazi mindset, pointing out the name isn’t Nazi, but Nationalist Socialist Workers Party.”)…
Fellow travelers…I think we may have just witnessed the coming of Wingnut Jesus.
kc said,
April 29, 2008 at 15:58
I bet this guy has a wetsuit or two in his closet. And some “divorce aids.”
King Arthur said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:10
It is I, King Arthur, Son of Uther PornDragon from the castle of Camelot!
unrelatedwaffle said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:11
or shopping at the store and going in down the aisles in the wrong order,
We can’t be angering the OCD lobby, no, sir.
Have you SEEN the way he holds a pencil!? All wrong! And he’s a LEFTY.
Michael said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:13
HeadNazi: White Men! White women! The swastika is calling you. The Jew is using the black as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not. You, are going to join with us. The members of the American, Socialist, White peoples party. An organisation of decent, law abiding white folk. Just like you.
………….
[Jake and Elwood are caught in a traffic jam caused by the Nazis.]
Jake:[To a patrolling officer] Hey, what’s going on?
Officer: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Jake: What bums?
Officer: The fucking Nazi party.
Elwood: Illinios Nazis!
Jake: I hate Illinios Nazis.
tigrismus said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:19
Officer: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Ouch?
Doctorb Science said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:51
Ah, those bum’s one they’re court case so there marching today.
Sarcastro said,
April 29, 2008 at 16:54
For example, Emperor Augustus ended about 50 years of civil war by outlawing adultery and by giving tax credits to married citizens who had children.
And here I thought he ended it by having Marcus Agrippa kick the all living shit out of Marc Antony and Cleopatra VII at Actium; 14 years before these laws were passed.
Funny enough, the laws in question, the lex Julia et Papia, were repealed by Constantine and the emperors after him… as being unchristian! Well, except the part about senators not being allowed to marry actresses. That one stayed on the books.
Doctorb Science said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:04
Okay so, seriously, this guy’s writing reads like hastily-written-down notes meant to be rewritten as prose but instead published in note form. But the syntax is also a lot like the in English would be offset with hyphens because of the many filled with adjectival phrases long sentences of accurately but unserenely translated by students or automatic translating software computer German.
But it’s also sort like word salad, not the schizophasia type where it makes no sense (blue does cure for pancakes oscillate uniwomber) but the type where the writer needs to fit in half a dozen allusions and references for every concept and for some reason has to do it in the fewest words possible.
(In German, “word salad” is “Wortsalat” and is largely the same except that there is of course always bacon in it).
Michael said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:20
Apologies for the cut-and-pasted typos…I was going for snark speed, not accuracy.
So their!
Dan Someone said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:28
I am frankly surprised nobody has used this yet, and I am too brain-dead to figure out the best and highest use for it, so I donate it to the public domain of Sadly, No! in the hopes that someone will dress it up in funny:
Zirkle Jerk
RobW said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:36
Derringers for dildos?
Glocks for cocks?
This is my rifle, this is my gun…
Happiness is a warm gun? Or is it a quiet vibrator?
I had to read “divorce aids” three times in that paragraph before I realized he wasn’t talking about lawyers.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:36
Dan Someone wins a stuffed Puff The King Porn Dragon.
RodeoBob said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:51
Show up late, and all the good jokes are taken… I’ll have to content myself with getting some friends together for a game of [i]Dungeons & Porn Dragons[/i]. It’s a role-playing game, dontchaknow?
(not so much with the dice rolling in this one…)
RodeoBob said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:51
Show up late, and all the good jokes are taken… I’ll have to content myself with getting some friends together for a game of Dungeons & Porn Dragons’s a role-playing game, dontchaknow?
(not so much with the dice rolling in this one…)
OneMan said,
April 29, 2008 at 17:53
omygaw…
“Derrenger’s for Dildos”
Well, he’s off to a good start. Heck, I’m for dildos too! However,
“put it in count to three and you’re already there.”
I have the feeling he’s confusing his climax with hers. Which can only lead to the use of “divorce aids” and, ultimately, tears.
Finally, to Mikey:
“Did I ever tell you guys about the little vibrator repair shop I used to run in Sacramento?”…”Fortunately, I had ample opportunity for R&D, and as a result became the acknowledged “go to” guy…”
My god, man, why ever did you quit?
Sagra said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:06
Even weenies? :-(
Woodrowfan said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:16
Banning weenies? How about beanies? or is “weenies with beanies” this guy’s nickname for Jewish porn stars??
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:19
How come no one has pointed out that Hugo Boss designed the uniforms for the SS? And how Zirkle looks like he’s screaming for an episode of Queer Eye to get a hold of him?
Clearly, there’s some synchronicity in play here.
t4toby said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:19
Damn, I go home for the night, and miss this thread?
I thought that guy was too much when I heard about the Hitler B-Day thing (and yes, the sparkley cardboard letters were tres ghey), but then this?
Divorce aids? Someone needs some remedial re-education in the bedroom, methinks.
One…two…three…NOT IT!!!1!
Seriously, though. Divorce Aids and Hitler’s Birthday?
t4toby said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:20
Plus, the irony of caring so much for Teh Joos whilst orating for Hitler.
Rich!
t4toby said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:21
Ya think?
kiki said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:31
It is I, King Arthur, Son of Uther PornDragon from the castle of Camelot!
Surely that should be ‘Cum-A-Lot’?
t4toby said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:38
Holy shit! I like porn and I don’t know this stuff. What a maroon!
P.S. Smutty wins the thread about 10x over. I’m supposed to be working and instead I am in the back office guffawing repeatedly…
Smeg said,
April 29, 2008 at 18:54
The Perfect Storm…of stupid.
Wow….just, wow.
Snorghagen said,
April 29, 2008 at 19:15
I wouldn’t be surprised. He pretty clearly thinks of them as nasty things that spread disease. He doesn’t seem to have gotten much pleasure out of his own knob.
Doodle Bean said,
April 29, 2008 at 19:18
Somehow, this strikes me as Zirkle’s kind of marriage (via The Apostropher).
Caveat said,
April 29, 2008 at 19:23
My personal favourite, ROTFLMFAO line:
“Is there an etymological connection between hysterical and hysterectomy?”
tigrismus said,
April 29, 2008 at 19:30
I know, I can’t get over that line, either. I roll it around my brain and savor it like fine spirits, my eyelids slightly lowered and with a small half smile.
t4toby said,
April 29, 2008 at 19:39
Does this disturb anyone else? A guy who makes speeches for Hitler entering this particular combination of keywords?
What in the name of Teh Great Gazoogle is he doing with this combination?
Its like me saying, …a Google search of combinations of “beast” “horse” “slut” “barnyard” and “Enumclaw” and then being shocked, SHOCKED I tell you!, about what pops up…
Can you tell I just watched Zoo? It was really a good movie, BTW.
AG said,
April 29, 2008 at 20:17
“Derrenger’s[sic] for Dildos.”
So does that mean we can trade Zirkle in for a gun? Figures it’d be something . . . small.
This guy is unreadable. It’s like parsing the writing of a brain-damaged hate monkey.
Win.
Batocchio said,
April 29, 2008 at 20:19
“Divorce aids” really threw me there for a while. Of course, that’s mere gloss on the whole heap of crazy this guy is.
Dan said,
April 29, 2008 at 21:59
Only a matter of time before we find this guy dead in a scuba suit …
billy pilgrim said,
April 29, 2008 at 22:04
“Orgasm? We has ‘em!”
Count on a man named Smut to come forward with that one, and I do mean come.
I’m still laughing.
hmpf.
Sagra said,
April 29, 2008 at 22:34
Sagra said,
April 29, 2008 at 22:47
“The Jews … are leaving the Democratic party in droves”
Actually, they’re just going on a beer run.
justme said,
April 29, 2008 at 23:59
You would take great pleasure in that, wouldn’t you?
Smut Clyde said,
April 30, 2008 at 0:42
You would take great pleasure in that, wouldn’t you?
I have simple, unpretentious tastes.
Smut Clyde said,
April 30, 2008 at 0:48
Speaking of my tastes, if I found myself singing “The Great Porn Dragon” to the tune of Blue Öyster Cult’s “Great Sun Jester”, would that reveal too much?
acrannymint - I call mine norman said,
April 30, 2008 at 1:07
How can it be a “divorce aid” when I’m not even married?
Apologies if someone else made this connection
Wordpress said,
April 30, 2008 at 1:29
Norman?
Kinda a droll name, idn’t it?
What no Starbuck? Mr Pleaser? Rocko???
t4toby said,
April 30, 2008 at 1:29
Me and my hanging strawmen…
acrannymint - I call mine norman said,
April 30, 2008 at 1:49
What no Starbuck? Mr Pleaser? Rocko???
One of the other ones is “dinsdale”
Sadly, No! » Zirkles in Circles! said,
April 30, 2008 at 1:57
[...] For if you listen close, on a windy day And tie your brain all in a circle You may just, maybe, might just may Hear the wisdom of the Zirkle. [...]
Strangething said,
April 30, 2008 at 3:26
Whosoever pulls this divorce aid from this play-do and bacon is rightwise king of wingnuttia!
billy pilgrim said,
April 30, 2008 at 5:01
Apparently Smut Clyde is my long lost, unknown clone.
Who is much smarter.
And funnier.
And probably better looking.
Damn clones. hmpf.
justme said,
April 30, 2008 at 10:59
Ah. Cruel but fair.
Dr Zen said,
April 30, 2008 at 11:38
“The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers”
WTF?
“If we had accurate metrics to calculate the current porn slaughter of what is very often busty blond white “Christian” women, who often dangle a cross below their necks, we might be able to argue that one of the most efficient contemporary international genocidal operations abounds in this particular white flesh market.”
You just cannot satirise this.
“Multiple young women still in their 20s have paraded in and out of my law office who have had their entire cervixes removed because of the HPV.”
OMFG. He’s a gift that just keeps giving.
Now. The question is. Why would anyone, anywhere, sane enough to be permitted to exercise a vote, vote for him?
Donald Rumsfeld said,
April 30, 2008 at 12:51
No, I think it’s almost impossible to have metrics because you don’t know what the intake is. But one ought to recognize there aren’t metrics, and make sure that the effort is directed at the problems — plural — not a single problem.
Smut Clyde said,
April 30, 2008 at 13:38
Multiple young women still in their 20s
Worded like that, he makes them sound like conjoined twins.
have paraded in and out of my law office
What a coincidence; that happens to me all the time, too.
Tony Zinkle, aka "Speaks to Nazis", Is a Raving Lunatic | Popehat said,
April 30, 2008 at 14:02
[...] Via Sadly, No, I discovered Tony’s campaign web site. Let no one say that Tony lacks creativity in addressing social problems, whether or not those problems exist only in Tony’s head: I’m considering discussing divorce aids and my plans for a “Derrenger’s for Dildos” policy to put guns in American women’s hands instead of divorce aids. Presently, when a criminal is arrested for a weapons crime, the prosecutors seek orders to destroy those weapons. What a waste! Put our criminal prisoners to work modifying those guns to be smart-guns that can only be fired when the female owner is holding it so that children don’t hurt themselves and so that criminals can’t use them (unless they use the woman’s hand). When a women turns in her stash of divorce aids, then give her a free gun to defend America when the jihadists follow us home. [...]
Jimmy Higgins said,
May 1, 2008 at 3:13
Hey, let’s cut Tony a little slack. If you’d ever done any time, you’d realize just how innovative his proposal is. Imagine a whole crew of felons doing gunsmith work on confiscated firearms!. Why, I bet all those women could buy an extra set of ben-wah balls and send ‘em in with their brass to have it reloaded, too!