Apr
16
16
Moonbat Sack o’Crap Seen With Sack-full of Sac Fungi
After my trip to the abortion clinic welfare office drug dealer’s post office yesterday, I walked around in my back yard a bit to check on the pawpaw seedlings I planted last fall, wanting to see if they had begun to leaf. Doop-de-doop, distracted, I picked up a few limbs recently fallen from a clump of dead elm trees and — wot, wot, wot?! did I almost step on? Oh, and another! And — ZOMG!!! Treasure!
Soon, Chef HTML, in his inimitable, bleu state elitist way, will sautee these beauties with wild garlic and scallops. All stoners, gaywads, enemies-of-marriage, hippies, atheists, communists, and effete snobs are invited to attend.
OTB said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:00
I tried growing my own abortion brushes too but they never took.
alinarabia said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:04
And the morel of this story is?
(Sorry)
OTB said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:06
Actually I think it’s the pomegranate cashmere jumper that gives you away more than the shrooms.
HTML Mencken said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:08
Hah, but that’s where you’re wrong, OTB! The sweater is actually a vintage Budweiser thing! I had been out in public, and such is part of my “Heartland” disguise.
Wordpress™³²®© said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:12
You’re effete ways will give you away everytime, HTML.
Only true men of the people like George F. Marie Antoinette Will and David Broder can mix with commoners and get away with it.
Svensker said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:14
Oh man, I am so jealous. Free morels, in your own yard? Cheez. The ultimate elitist dream.
dr. bloor said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:19
Shots of Crown Royal with Hillary at the VFW hall for me. I thought you were going to cook up Bill O’Reilly’s old loofahs.
OTB said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:24
Extremely clever, HTML! Our infiltration of “real” people continues unnoticed!
Blue Buddha said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:25
Well once Biraq HUSSEIN Osama gets his way, all US post offices will provide abortions, Class III narcotics and welfare checks. It’s like one stop shopping for effete elitists like ourselves!
Some Guy said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:35
The hunks got more intensely orange as they cooked down and soon it was go time.
Pat Robertson said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:36
Real Americans have moral values, not valued morels.
Ba DUM
I’m here all week… or until someone spots me a five for the bus.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:41
The hunks got more intensely orange as they cooked down
So you’ve been to Provincetown?
Gary Ruppert said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:46
The fact is, here is more proof of liberal faggotry. They probably eat this crap in France.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:47
They probably eat this crap in France.
No, they eat truffles. They pretend that they are really rare, but that’s just because they don’t want to share.
Doodle Bean said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:51
Enjoyment of morels is one of the few exceptions to the ‘elitist’ rules in our nation’s Heartland Homeland — but you have to coat them with an egg-and-Saltine-crumb mixture and deep fat fry them!
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:54
Sweet. Could you cut and dry a few, to make available for the rest of us elites?
I will swap a CD mix of my favorite Joan Sutherland/Beverly Sills and pre-bloated Pavarotti arias from operas by Verdi, Mozart, and others in return for a little baggie filled with some tasty morsels.
What say you?
David Brooks said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:55
This election is about morals vs. morels, /clearance bin max weber
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:55
About that first pic – proof that if you jerk off too hard, you pull it right off.
alinarabia said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:56
We have no morels over in the sandlands (sure you already knew that), but the truffles grow like potatoes! Tonnes of them. First time I saw them in a market, I was flabbergasted and very, very excited. Sadly, being Islamofascist truffles, they don’t have any flavour to them. At all. More like jerusalem artechokes than the lovely, musky fungi of Europe. Or should that be Al Quds artechokes?
Andy Axel said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:57
Wow. Do you live in Valhalla?
Jenkem Huffin D00d said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:03
HAW, looks like a gr8 big CAWK!!!!!ONE111!!!!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:04
Soon, Chef HTML, in his inimitable, bleu state elitist way, will sautee these beauties with wild garlic and scallops.
And Cheez Wiz, right?
Right?
Lord Gary Ruppert said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:21
The Fact is, you BETTER put cheez-wiz on that! Otherwise you will have exposed your self as a Whole Foods Shopping Elitist out of touch with The Heartland, who loves Islamo-Fascism and The French and is probably gay, like B. O. Hussein.
Clint said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:29
You know they won’t be perfect until you add some ranch dressing.
Mmmmmmmmmmm
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:32
Seen over at Atrios:
OT, I would just like to point out that once again, the Republicans have managed to do a clever bit of language manipulation in the minds of Americans.
“Elitist” does not mean that you like foreign movies and brie. It means that you believe in, and actively support, rule by an elite.
Elitist sometimes have fairly plebian tastes (Gregory McDonald’s Flynn’s In is a funny take on that) but they’re elitist because they preserve power amongst themselves.
I went to a private school and like brie better than cheez whiz, but that doesn’t make me an elitist.
Finny | 04.16.08 – 9:24 am | #
Good point, and yet another example of rethuglican projection, aided by our complicit corporate media.
rea said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:47
We’re all proud memebers of the Morel Majority here . . .
Legalize said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:48
Dude, Tommy Lasorda, W, and the Pope:
http://cbs2.com/local/Tommy.Lasorda.Pope.2.700683.html
Your Uncle Bastard said,
April 16, 2008 at 15:55
KTHXBAI Gary – we’ll take your appearance here to be more proof of conservative faggotry.
Susan of Texas said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:01
Oh, damn, I forgot to have my abortion today. Oh well, I can always say fuck and eat bean sprouts instead.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:03
From the Washington Post (page A05, not Editorials)
The more rich white coastal elites talk about “Middle America”, the more obvious it is that they don’t have a fucking clue what they are talking about. As tiresome as this shit is getting, I hope they keep right on doing it.
D.N. Nation said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:19
1) I HATE WORDPRESS
2) Once again…I bought a bag of arugula from Kroger, the biggest grocery-only store in America, for $1.99 the other day. Whole-wheat spaghetti, which is actually pretty tasty, is found next to regular spaghetti and the mac-and-cheese and the Hamburger Helper. It costs the exact same.
3) Tell me, who’s more disdainful of Middle America(TM)? Obama, who accurately pointed out that these people are being targeted for ridiculous wedge issues, or the millionaire Beltway pundit superstars, who act like anything better than artery-clogging shit is somehow offensive to Teh Heartland? What kind of a message are you sending to the world about the average American, when you pretend like he’s scared of…arugula? This is pandering jackassery of the highest order. These monsters should be ashamed.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:26
We used to get these in the back yard when I lived in Michigan. They have a weird flavor, but are good. Makes me miss the cold country.
D.N. Nation said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:29
Also, my father, who grew up in the impoverished swampland of South Carolina, is an excellent cook who uses a diverse array of ingredients. Hell, cajun cuisine, almost entirely born out of the inspirations of poverty, is one of our national treasures.
These Beltway dopes think we all eat twinkies, cheesesteaks, and Hungry Man dinners. Sigh.
Doodle Bean said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:30
Actually, if you really were an elitist, wouldn’t you have written “Sack O’ Merde”?
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:41
Their “Heartlander” does not exist and never has existed. He is the equivalent of the “Noble Savage” or the “Magic Negro”, an idealized set character that exists only to expiate guilt and facilitate the action of the main characters. Their “Heartlander” is impossibly hardworking and virtuous, but too simple-minded to ever threaten them with any competition. Every four years he enters, assures the ruling class that it is handsome and rugged and not-at-all gay, and then vanishes without a trace.
Reading the things that Beltway journalists write about poor white people is like a visit to blackpeopleloveus.com
Labrys said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:47
I am SO jealous…morels really are bliss in a pan of butter!
NoahC said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:49
Don’t forget to wash the crap out of them. I don’t know the proper protocol to keep them from losing their mushroomy goodness, but I do know they need to have the dirt removed from their nether bits…
Someone on the tubes knows what to do…
tigrismus said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:51
Morels? And pawpaws? Damn you. *sigh* I wish I had more than the back 1/8.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 16:58
Don’t forget to wash the crap out of them
I use a little brush to clean out all the nooks and crannies. If you wash a mushroom in water it fills with water and not garlicky butter.
Southern Beale said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:01
Heh. That’s a morel? It looks like a penis.
DocAmazing said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:12
That would be one unhappy penis.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:14
Haha! HTML is having a big sack of penises for lunch.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:15
big bag of dicks.
why do i fuck everything up?
stryx said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:26
Y’all should probably go see a doctor if you think that looks like a pecker.
stryx said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:44
The ones called stinkhorns, now there’s some penis mimics.
You can usually find them because they smell like sperm.
Just in case you were wondering.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:46
Wow. Congratulations. We found three dozen last weekend but we had to clamber up and down hills for those.
You lucky bastard.
To clean morels:
Cut off the end of the stem, put the morels in a sturdy box lined with leaves and send them to me.
What?
Fine. Just cut off the dirty end and soak the ones you plan to eat that day in water for a few hours. You can add salt to the water if you want to make sure you kill the slugs, but they will float out on their own with plain water.
If you want to dry them don’t soak them first. Those are probably too big to dry unless you have a food dryer. Putting them in the oven on warm will stink up your house.
Just out of curiosity, where abouts do you live? I’m really interested in, um, paw paw trees.
g said,
April 16, 2008 at 17:59
You ARE lucky, you elitist. With morels like that.
Maureen Dowd has gotten into the “why it’s important what candidates eat on their sandwiches” act, I note with depression.
She’s such a cunt.
pedestrian said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:05
“Behind closed doors in San Francisco, elitism’s epicenter, Barack Obama showed his elitism…”
Why is Maureen Dowd paid to give her opinion?
His Grace said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:10
What if your penis looks like a morel? Should
Imy good friend see a doctor then?Righteous Bubba said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:11
elitism’s epicenter
Thought that was New York City.
D.N. Nation said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:21
Yeah, seriously. MoDo’s yet another gazillionaire pundit superstar who apparently doesn’t see why we laugh at her calling someone else elitist.
t4toby said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:23
Holy shit, HTML, those are some beauties! We get chantrelles out here, but you gotta go into the foothills to find them. Saute’ them in a Marsala sauce and watch out!
The psilocybe cyanescens grow in all the parks down on the Sound. You just have to beat the teenagers to the patches.
Mike, Cooking with Substance(s) said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:26
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Wish I could be part of the Morel Majority (which is, like it’s namesake, a minority) , but alas , the soil is generally too acidic . Found ‘em one time (3 of them) , and that’s it. I have to wait ’til late July, and Black Trumpet time , for good stuff. I hear there’s a fair number around Syracuse , in late May. Wih the price of gas , it’s almost not worth it, though.
Gary Ruppert said,
April 16, 2008 at 14:46
The fact is, here is more proof of liberal faggotry. They probably eat this crap in France.
Gary, you can have the False Morels. And all that good hydrazine. (Rocket fuel)
Henry Lewis said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:28
g,
Just wanted to say congrats on yer blog,
Haven’t read it all but I love the look. Are those your own photos?
Nice layout, too, sort of a je ne sais crois going on there with the colors.
(I could have left this comment over there but I didn’t feel like registratin’ one of my sockpuppets.)
g said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:33
Thanks henry.
Yeah, they’re my own photos. I’m going to see how long I can do it without swiping photos off the intertoobz.
come visit some more
Does anyone know if blogger let’s you allow non-registered comments/ I’m still learning this stuff.
Doodle Bean said,
April 16, 2008 at 18:47
Y’know, I’m just realizing that looks like a Trader Joe’s bag… If so, you are definitely not an elitist or you’d be going to Whole Foods and being all liberally fascist and shit.
tb said,
April 16, 2008 at 19:07
That’s quite a prodigious find. It kind of reminds me of visiting a friend’s property, looking down at a 4′x8′ patch of densely-growing caramel-colored mushrooms and saying, haha, those look kind of like the guidebook pictures of psilocybe cyanescens, one of the world’s most powerful hallucinogenic mushrooms, wouldn’t that be a riot, etc.
Anyway, I gave up on hunting morels after someone had to point out that there was one 6 inches in front of my feet. Now I’m strictly a chanterelle man.
Doctorb Science said,
April 16, 2008 at 19:18
“San Francisco … epicenter”? Too soon, Maureen, too soon.
DAS said,
April 16, 2008 at 19:24
Dang! Am I ever so jeolous. I don’t reckon I’ve ever lived in a place with morels a plenty.
But the image of the thrusting quillwort on the webpage to which you link is, well, disturbing. I’m just glad it wasn’t a stinkhorn as a thrusting stinkhorn would be NSFW.
Interestingly, someone in one of the links or somewhere asked about Georgia O’Keefe painting stinkhorns. FWIW, my wife has some reproductions (posters) of the paintings of Lowell Nesbitt: if O’Keefe made her flowers look like hoo-has, Nesbitt sure made his flowers look like wee-wees.
Anyway, re what Fred said at Eschaton — I know a lot of people who lurve brie (I’m allergic to milk, so I have no horse in this race): they are all public-school graduates (as in public-school in the American sense, not the old British sense), FWIW.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
April 16, 2008 at 19:40
g – Congrats again on your blog. May it never devour comments like another host that shall not be named.
You could allow open comments (standard name & e-mail required) and anonymous comments when I used Blogger. I assume you have some default selections going now. The best I can suggest is to poke around in your preferences or check the Help section.
t4toby said,
April 16, 2008 at 19:46
The cyanescens grow everywhere out here, especially in the alder chips commonly used in landscaping. The only problem is that they share an unnerving similarity to about 20 other shrooms that will seriously bring the pain.
Spore Print or Die!
(Or if you’re lucky, face the Stomach Pump of Life.)
moondancer said,
April 16, 2008 at 21:10
They are almost certainly poisonous. You better send them to me for disposal.
Mike, Cooking with Substance(s) said,
April 16, 2008 at 21:35
Just out of curiosity, where abouts do you live? I’m really interested in, um, paw paw trees.
PawPaws are quite cold tolerant . They even grow here in Almost-Canada. Don’t know why they aren’t more widely grown, and a popular fruit.
DAS said,
April 16, 2008 at 22:55
Don’t know why they aren’t more widely grown, and a popular fruit. – Mike
If wikipedia is to be believed — Pollinated by scavenging carrion flies and beetles, the flowers emit a weak scent which attracts few pollinators, thus limiting fruit production. — there is a good reason: the flowers are stinky enough that no-one wants to be near them yet not so stinky that they actually do a good job of attracting pollinators. Evidently the Paw Paw is the waffling centrist of carrion-flowers.
mac said,
April 16, 2008 at 22:55
Do you know anything about False Morels?
I don’t think they are but this link shows
the identifying differences.
Regards
http://www.michiganmorels.com/ morels2.shtml
Brandi said,
April 16, 2008 at 22:57
Ooh, nice. I hope there are no false morels in the bunch (there doesn’t seem to be).
Aside to Peej: thanks for clearing up the arugula/rocket thing in the other thread. I still wonder when the switchover in American name usage came, though– similarly, when did we change and start calling coriander cilantro?
Smut Clyde said,
April 16, 2008 at 23:43
Evidently the Paw Paw is the waffling centrist of carrion-flowers.
Also from Wiki — “growers resort to hand pollination or to hanging chicken necks or other meat to attract pollinators”. For some reason I am cheered up by the mental image of hard-working Heartland paw-paw farmers festooning their trees with chicken necks.
In “The Ghosts of Evolution”, Connie Barlow reckons that paw-paws are uncommon because the animals that used to propagate their seeds — the North American megafauna — were wiped out at the end of the Pleistocene.
Lesley said,
April 17, 2008 at 2:57
What J. Goldberg’s private part looks like, only infinitesimally smaller.
coldH2Owi said,
April 17, 2008 at 5:05
Lucky bastard. Thanks for inviting me over. Heh, I would have brought some buffalo t-bones. Too bad for both of us.
Mike, in teh H.....RightShoulderland said,
April 17, 2008 at 5:34
start calling coriander cilantro?
Grown for seeds: Coriander
Grown for leaves: Cilantro
False Morels appear 10 days to 2wks earlier than Morels here , in about a month. The caps are more rounded . The cavities in the cap are shallower and tend to be shorter/smaller . The ridges are thicker, smoother , more rounded off. The whole thing looks like a smoothed off morel. If they were stone , they’d be like a morel put in a rock tumbler for awhile . But….. there is a little overlap, so you just have to know.
Smut Clyde said,
April 17, 2008 at 6:07
Soylent GreenCilantro ispeoplecoriander!That is so disillusioning. Like the time I came across a reference to to an unfamiliar vegetable called a ‘rutabaga’, which sounds exotic and possibly tropical, until I found out that it is what the rest of the English-speaking world describes as the humble swede.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
April 17, 2008 at 16:24
Is it soup yet?
res ipsa loquitur said,
April 19, 2008 at 18:01
elitism’s epicenter
Thought that was New York City.
Are you nuts? I can’t even get a decent slice of pizza in this place.