12
The Dog Whimperer
As if there weren’t enough reasons already to throw up a little in your mouth when you see or hear Kevin “Musclehead” McCullough, let me add another to the list. Or rather let Kevie add it himself:
The big O is dedicating an entire upcoming show to her now month long deceased cocker spaniel, Sophie. … Actually the episode is intended to highlight the horrific stories of those haunting places known as “puppy mills.” The justification for such excess is because “Sophie gave me 13 years of unconditional love.” …
Now before all you whacky dog lovers go hatin’ on me understand this. I’ve had multiple dogs over my life and seeing them die was terrible each time. But can we please begin to see dogs for what they are. Stupid Creatures… Soulless creatures… Creatures that were designed for our companionship and enjoyment – BUT NOT fulfillment!
That’s why God gave us CHILDREN.
But that was just the wind-up for the inevitable wingnut curve ball, which you probably saw coming:
It HAS to be a sign of a morally confused nation when we love our pets MORE than we love our children!
So I’m still waiting for Oprah to do a show-long story dedicated to the horrific and haunting “baby-mills” of this land…
Me too:
Gavin adds: And golly, it’s never just one thing with these folks, is it? No, it’s always the whole pastrami on rye with a side of curly cheese fries:
[...]
All four mothers are devoted to a way of life New York Times columnist David Brooks has praised as a new spiritual movement taking hold among exurban and Sunbelt families. Brooks called these parents “natalists” and described their progeny as a new wave of “Red-Diaper Babies”–as in “red state.”
[...]
“Our bodies are meant to be a living sacrifice,” write the Hesses. Or, as Mary Pride, in another of the movement’s founding texts, The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality, puts it, “My body is not my own.” This rebuttal of the feminist health text Our Bodies, Ourselves is deliberate. Quiverfull women are more than mothers. They’re domestic warriors in the battle against what they see as forty years of destruction wrought by women’s liberation: contraception, women’s careers, abortion, divorce, homosexuality and child abuse, in that order.
[...]
Population is a preoccupation for many Quiverfull believers, who trade statistics on the falling white birthrate in European countries like Germany and France. Every ethnic conflict becomes evidence for their worldview: Muslim riots in France, Latino immigration in California, Sharia law in Canada. The motivations aren’t always racist, but the subtext of “race suicide” is often there.
One hidden benefit is a rising market for Beanie Babies, Kevin Trudeau products, Great Starts frozen breakfasts, Brooks & Dunn and Leann Rimes greatest-hits collections, and stickers of Calvin urinating on various automotive logos.
Also, someone please direct ol’ Baby-mill McCullough to a freaking TV or newspaper.
Child welfare officials seized more than 400 children, most of them girls, in the raid on the FLDS compound known as the Yearn for Zion ranch, saying the youngsters were in danger of physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
The renegade Mormon splinter group requires girls at puberty to enter into polygamous marriages with much older men and produce children, authorities say. The sect also teaches children to fear the outside world, including the very authorities who removed them until a court hearing Thursday that will help determine their future.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 12, 2008 at 16:31
Stupid Creatures… Soulless creatures…
Do they ever stop projecting?
D. Aristophanes said,
April 12, 2008 at 16:54
The musclehead:
By definition… [dogs] are incapable of increased intelligence (hence: literally stupid) and have no interaction in the after life (hence: no soul)…
These aren’t meant to be mean. Just accurate…
Some commenters ask:
How, exactly, can you make the statement that a dog has no soul in the afterlife? Have you been there?
And:
By what authority do you claim to understand every living creature’s relationship with God? By what authority do you claim to understand God’s love?
Of course, you have none. You just have bandwidth.
To which musclehead replies:
The source that more clearly defines God’s relationship – including his love, mercy, grace, judgment than any other source – is HIS own word!
Yeah! It’s in the Bible-fible-fo-fible-banana-fanna-bo-bible … Bible!
Clif said,
April 12, 2008 at 16:58
Kevin says that the Bible tells him that dogs have no soul — hmm, maybe he and St. Francis of Assisi had, you know, different Bibles.
middlenamedave said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:08
Holy crap!
Is that fourteen little scrubbed and pious future GOP voters?
Blue Buddha said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:12
Yep. The future is now.
tigrismus said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:14
Abortion providers are baby mills? Perhaps he’s incapable of increased intelligence (hence: literally stupid), because that’s not what puppy mills do. Also, Oprah doesn’t have kids, (hence: literally impossible for her to love her kids more than her pets). Also also, it’s her show, if she wants to educate people about puppy mills, which are literally not dog abortionists, it’s her choice and apparently needed in the face of massive ignorance.
Tortured Metaphor Jones said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:19
Wingnuts are ragging dogs on now? YOU SIR HAVE CROSSED THE LINE
Tortured Metaphor Jones said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:20
Ragging on dogs. On dogs. Fucking fuck fucks.
Moi said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:24
Why is it that morons like this are so offended when people actually care for animals? They seem to have decided that loving children and loving animals are mutually exclusive propositions. You’ll have to excuse me, I should probably go and demonstrate my deep love for my kid by kicking his puppy.
g said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:25
Every time I read about the “Quiverfull” concept, I am reminded of the Quivering Brethren in “Cold Comfort Farm”
Blue Buddha said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:27
Also plus too, does this dipshit (Kevie) even have kids? If not, why isn’t he fulfilling his God-given-duty?
g said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:28
Revisit this family in 20 years. I’m betting the tally will be:
2 gay
2 in prison
3 drug abusers
1 pedophile
2 successful liberals living in either LA or New York
2 Christian living in the same town they were born in
1 crazy
1 A corrupt Republican politican.
Blue Buddha said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:32
…with a ~70% probability that at least one of the five in prison/drugged out will be dead.
MzNicky said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:33
I think it was Jesus His Own Self who said “The morons will always be with you.” Something like that.
MzNicky said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:33
WordPress is behaving badly today.
MzNicky said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:36
I tried to click on the link to visit Clown Hall myself to read and perhaps comment on this particularly large steamin’ pile o’ stupid, but it seems even my browser is so offended by the ragging on of dogs that it refuses to download the page. Anyone else experiencing technical difficulty?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:37
And also with you.
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:39
g, you hit it on the head. The only question is whether the 2 gay members will be drug abusers or successful liberals in LA or NY.
Hey, can we get another SF Sadly thread? The Boston branch needs a place to plan our event, since our thread STILL DOES NOT EXIST.
His Grace said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:42
So if I’m reading this correctly, abortion, which = genocide, is slightly worse than women’s careers and contraception but less bad as divorce, homosexuality and child abuse.
Seriously, to call these people “values voters” is more than silly
Susan of Texas said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:42
The girls will all be childless, having had their full of child-raising by the time they are nineteen. The boys will have various and assorted illegitimate children, from various and assorted teenage girls.
And yes, 1.4 of them will be gay.
middlenamedave said,
April 12, 2008 at 17:48
I’ve had multiple dogs over my life and seeing them die was terrible each time.
/crocodile tears
The Humane Society needs to redflag this guy.
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:04
The girls will all be childless
Sadly, No.
The older girls will be childless, but at least one of the younger (probably not youngest) ones will feel overshadowed by all of her more colorful siblings. At least her own busload of babies will be forced to pay attention to her. Subconsciously she will also hope that by following in her mother’s footsteps she will win the belated love of her parents, but by then mummy will be too exhausted to do anything but gain weight and have nervous breakdowns.
I’ve seen it all before.
Hysterical Woman said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:08
If the theory of Fraternal birth order is right, there will be more than 1.4 gay children. By having more and more children, she’s producing more and more gay sons.
jim said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:27
?
jim said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:28
WordPress is fragging my prose into The Clear Void.
Colour me even more pissed than normal.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:31
Wordpress complains every other comment submitted, or so I’m theorizing.
gbear said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:37
They’re domestic warriors in the battle against what they see as forty years of destruction wrought by women’s liberation: contraception, women’s careers, abortion, divorce, homosexuality and child abuse, in that order.
1) They put child abuse at the END of that list?? That’s just fucking bad.
2) Mary Pride is a drag queen name if there ever was one.
3) ‘Quiver’ sounds like something Randy Neuman would ask the woman to do while she’s standing on the chair with the light on.
gbear said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:38
and her hat too.
Smiling Mortician said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:39
[Fucking wordpress. Trying again.]
I’m thinking this couple could actually have another three children, maybe four. I mean, look: there’s a very high likelihood that at least one of the drug abusers will also be the corrupt Republican pedophile who, with any luck, will be in prison. This frees up several slots. Efficiency. Multitasking. It’s the name of the game.
jim said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:49
Imagine you’re one of these “Quiver” kids – but you’re an adult now – & you read that article. What happens when you get to the part where the “Quiverfull” advocate says, emphatically & categorically, that there’s NO OTHER REASON to have all those rug-monkeys beyond The Good Book – none – not love, not a desire for a better future, NADA.
I’d say those Moms & Pops have good reason to pray.
Not to mention good reason to start shopping for good flak jackets.
MY prophecy: some of their little arrows are going to grow up to be boomerangs – with a vengeance.
jim said,
April 12, 2008 at 18:54
PROTIP: copy anything you want to send first & hit “refresh” if it jacks you around … that worked for my Firefox, anyway.
Oh, & the phrase “baby mill” wins my personal Decathlon of Dumbfuck for the week. Anything that pungently moronic better have some wit glued on the end so someone can call it a joke … as such, this fails.
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:11
Imagine you’re one of these “Quiver” kids – but you’re an adult now – & you read that article.
Well, my parents “only” had six, but very much for quiverfull reasons, and you can trust me: if you come from one of these families, you have a lot more shit to deal with than the sort of dumbfuck authors your parents read. Although, that may be why I come here, so who knows.
Susan of Texas said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:19
There’s a difference between a quiverful and an entire armory.
If these women’s bodies are not their own, can I have one for a maid? I promise I’ll never let her make a decision in her entire life.
mikey said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:29
What happens when you get to the part where the “Quiverfull” advocate says, emphatically & categorically, that there’s NO OTHER REASON to have all those rug-monkeys beyond The Good Book – none – not love, not a desire for a better future, NADA.
I’m thinking it’s even worse than this. You are the product of hate – a weapon of war launched against the hated brown hordes, to be nothing more than another number to counter the “enemy’s” breeding program.
The product of a “counter-breeding program”, nothing more. With no greater value than the pigment in your skin and your willingness to accept religious indoctrination.
Now, go out there an deal with it…
mikey
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:41
mikey:
No worries, it’s easy to get your revenge. All you have to do is have buttsecks with a brown person and vote for the Democrats. My brother had the misfortune of falling for a white girl, but at least he made the cover of his school paper for his leadership in the GSA and the Young Dems, so he still had a clipping to mail home.
A. Raccoon said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:46
I could not possibly love that face. By the way, you wouldn’t happen to have some spare peanut butter, mmmm?
A. Raccoon said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:47
I could not possibly love that face. By the way, you wouldn’t happen to have some spare peanut butter, would you? mmmmm.
A. Raccoon said,
April 12, 2008 at 19:48
goddamned wordpress.
Dagoril said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:03
Are you sure that’s the right photo? That one looks like a photo from the Little House on the Prairie reunion.
Wordpress said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:05
It’s the hamsters’ fault.
Teh Hamsters of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:08
Don’t blame us! We’re working our tails off for little green pellets. Republican hamsters get fruit baskets from Rupert Murdoch.
Teh Hamsters of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:15
And would it kill them to change the wood shavings once in a while?
A. Raccoon said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:29
Pellets? You get green pellets?? Delivered???
Charlton Hampster said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:33
Soylent Green Pellets are made of HAMPSTER!!!!
Teh Hamsters of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:36
We know it’s not rooting through the trash, Racoon, but it’ll have to do.
(snicker!)
Hümor Me said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:41
I hope TBogg reads this. He needs some perspective on that unfulfilling, stupid, soulless puppy.
Teh Encyclopedia said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:52
The diet of the raccoon is extremely diverse. They will eat fruit, berries, grain, eggs, poultry, vegetables, nuts, mollusks, fish, insects, rodents, carrion, pet food and garbage.
The Vultures of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:53
Aww, the puppy!
So plump!
Teh Hamsters of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 20:57
The diet of the raccoon is extremely diverse
carrion
garbage
So is the diet of a landfill.
MzNicky said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:20
Now that right there is one heckuva derailed thread.
Teh Hamsters of Sadly, No! said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:30
The humans are only following the example of their their hamster gods. For the Lord Hamster hath said, have many wives and children, and attend not to the small details of parentage.*
*The Hamstericon, our Holy Bible.
A. Raccoon said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:33
They will eat fruit, berries, grain, eggs, poultry, vegetables, nuts, mollusks, fish, insects, rodents, carrion, pet food and garbage.
You know, it tastes a lot better than it looks on the menu. I’m still hoping for some peanut butter though, please and thank you.
Bitter Scribe said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:34
I wish progressive blogs would retire that “Vagina: It’s Not a Clown Car” graphic for good. It’s just ham-witted sneering. Assuming there is no question of neglect or abuse, how many children a couple chooses to have is their business and no one else’s.
gbear said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:39
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” Will Rogers, 1897-1935
More about dogs in heaven: http://www-hsc.usc.edu/~cypert/dick/inheaven.html
The Thread said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:40
I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!
gbear said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:43
Bitter, when I saw the poster, I laughed! I cried! I decided not to have children. Given the amount of ham-witted sneering that these folks show the rest of the world, I think it’s spot on and fair return.
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 21:49
Sorry, Bitter, you know the Party’s position: 2 babies max and then it’s mandatory abortions. If you don’t like it I’m sure there is plenty of room in the camps.
gbear said,
April 12, 2008 at 22:02
update: sorry I posted that dogs in heaven link. A few good quotes but otherwise all it’s missing is the comforting muzak. I won’t do it again.
OneMan said,
April 12, 2008 at 22:10
I like dogs. I don’t know if my dog “loves” me or not but he sure acts happy when I come home. Do dogs have souls? Do people? Fuck if I know. I am capable of loving my kids and my dog and, for that matter, my wife. She and I didn’t consider teh brown hordes when we decided how many kids to have…we just looked around us at the world and thought, “hey it’s pretty crowded here, wouldn’t it be neat if we didn’t compound the problem?”
Did we do something wrong?
OneMan said,
April 12, 2008 at 22:10
And wordpress was spotted outside the Pentagon on 9/11 with a missile launcher. It’s true!!
pedestrian said,
April 12, 2008 at 22:37
And wordpress was spotted outside the Pentagon on 9/11 with a missile launcher. It’s true!!
Yeah, the only reason we don’t have a picture of it is because the government took all of the cameras. Now why would they need to investigate all of the footage of a major crime, unless they themselves committed the crime?
IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!
Smut Clyde said,
April 13, 2008 at 0:11
2 gay
2 in prison
3 drug abusers
1 pedophile
2 successful liberals living in either LA or New York
2 Christian living in the same town they were born in
1 crazy
1 A corrupt Republican politican.
OK, I’ve got the ingredients, now what about the feckin recipe?
RB? JanusNode? Anyone?
Smut Clyde said,
April 13, 2008 at 0:34
The diet of the raccoon is extremely diverse.
The dietary tastes of the raccoon,
Are broader than anyone thinks…
After that the voices went quiet and refused to tell me the rest of the verse. A few more cups of coffee might wake them them up again.
pedestrian said,
April 13, 2008 at 0:58
After that the voices went quiet and refused to tell me the rest of the verse. A few more cups of coffee might wake them them up again.
Yeah sure, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, it went on for hundreds of stanzas and you could remember all of it if you could just get high! Don’t worry, dude, your aimlessly wandering opium-addled unfinished little scribble will get published in every English textbook in the US. Every high school teacher will tell their students to read it and not to do drugs, and every student won’t and will, respectively, and it will go down as the most successful “dog ate my homework” story in history.
Ermmm…. sorry, Herr Doktor, I guess i have some issues to work through.
tigrismus said,
April 13, 2008 at 2:32
The dietary tastes of the raccoon,
Are broader than anyone thinks
Almost any food that’s opportune
After washing in riparian sinks.
Candy said,
April 13, 2008 at 2:45
I remember my fourteen year old self sitting in the rectory talking with poor old Father Hart
Father Hart: Only people have souls, and go on to heaven.
Me: What?
FH: I said, only human beings are ensouled. Animals are not, therefore they cannot go on to heaven.
Me: Are you telling me my cat, who sleeps with me every night with her beautiful little furry head on my pillow, who pats my face with her paw when I’m crying, the cat I’ve had for all my life, practically . . . she’s not going to heaven?
FH: I’m sorry, but no.
Me: Then I don’t want to go there, either.
We went on in this vein for some time. I don’t harbor any resentment for the poor old man. He was a product of his generation, as much as he was of the church. i’m afraid I was a trial for him. I always wanted to argue. All he wanted to do was drink whisky and go fishing. Arguing with smart-alecky girls in hip huggers and midriff tops wearing too much blue eyshadow and about a gallon of Sweet Earth Patchouli cologne was not his thing. There wasn’t anything mean in his attitude, though. But this guy, and his multiple dead dogs . . . I agree the Humane Society should be keeping a weather eye on his household.
Sadly No Terrier said,
April 13, 2008 at 3:32
Can I bark at something? please, please, please, please……
BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK,
thanks.
Smut Clyde said,
April 13, 2008 at 4:52
“Riparian Sinks” perhaps does not work as a band-name, but even so this day has not been wasted, since I had never seen those two particular words in that particular combination.
The dietary tastes of the raccoon
Are broader than berries and grain.
It also eats insects and carrion,
And garbage left out in the rain.
I awoke with another eight verses in my mind, perfectly formed, but Wordpress eated them.
Arguing with smart-alecky girls in hip huggers and midriff tops wearing too much blue eyshadow and about a gallon of Sweet Earth Patchouli cologne was not his thing.
John Derbyshire missed his vocation.
mikey said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:02
Arguing with smart-alecky girls in hip huggers and midriff tops wearing too much blue eyshadow and about a gallon of Sweet Earth Patchouli cologne was not his thing.
Wow. Whaddaya know? I’m like a pastor or something.
‘Cause I argued with that same girl for hours on end, over and over again.
But that was just me patiently explaining why she needed to touch my junk.
Sometimes I even won the argument!
Yay!
mikey
Candy said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:05
Haha, mikey! I did lose that argument a few times, I must admit!
Smut, I wouldn’t have argued with Derbyshire. Id’a just kicked his ass. :)
IncaMike said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:31
“Our bodies are meant to be a living sacrifice,”
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Aztecs?
Another raccoon said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:32
ABOVE: A face only a raccoon could love
No way! Not even with blueberry ketchup!
I’m on a diet.
Smut Clyde said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:37
“Our bodies are meant to be a living sacrifice,”
Regrettably, my mouth is an atheist.
Next-toLastMohicanMike said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:41
Arrows For The War
Coxsackie, New York?
Nope. I live deeper in the s*** ( see what I hafta put up with :) Keep going (^NW)
Sadly No Baby said,
April 13, 2008 at 5:46
I can’t imagine why anybody would want to stop crying.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_cant_imagine_why_anybody
(I hope at least half that couples kids were like this)
A. Raccoon said,
April 13, 2008 at 6:08
The dietary tastes of the raccoon,
Are broader than anyone thinks
From organic bugs and blueberries
To half eaten sausage links
My favorite is peanut butter
It’s better than leftover stew
It’s better than little green pellets
Yes hampsters, I’m better than you
I like to soak bread in the birdbath
To make it all soggy and mushy
When Gbear comes out in the morning
The mess gives him pains in the tushie.
cryin'Mike said,
April 13, 2008 at 6:16
Thanks S,N! Baby! While I was there, I think I discovered why Cheney’s against universal health care . He thinks we’re all like him.
Mr. Unhinged said,
April 13, 2008 at 8:23
I’ve always assumed that if John Derbyshire was capable of maintaining an erection for more than three minutes his vocation would’ve been very similar to that of Max Hardcore.
Smut Clyde said,
April 13, 2008 at 12:02
Due to an unfortunate clerical error, the photograph above has received the wrong caption. The caption was meant to read “Tammy Faye Bakker Appreciation Society (inaugural meeting)”.
pedestrian said,
April 13, 2008 at 22:07
When Gbear comes out in the morning
The mess gives him pains in the tushie.
Yeah, my tushie sometimes has pains in the morning too. I can’t really blame it on the raccoons though…
Jan Schoenmakers said,
April 14, 2008 at 15:36
It fucking pisses me off when the 2006 riots in France are sold as “Muslim Riots” in the U.S. – by right-wingers anyway, but also by what one could consider “quality” press…I lived in France during the riots and I can give you my word and a piece of Ms. Joyce’s fried brain that these riots were about poverty and unemployment…and nothing else! The French government was about to pass a law making hire-and-fire easier and cutting back on workers’ rights for those under 30…a segment of the population with up to 25% unemployment already! In fear of ever worse conditions should the bill be passed, young unemployed people in the suburbs (only a smaller percentage of them migrants, and only a minority of these Muslims) rose to fight against this bill. It is sickening to see what a brainwash (not to say: outright lies) American media users get from their media…
annejumps said,
April 15, 2008 at 15:38
It’s just ham-witted sneering. Assuming there is no question of neglect or abuse, how many children a couple chooses to have is their business and no one else’s.
Well, it would be nice if the family in question would mind their own business when it comes to the reproductive choices of others, but Sadly, No.