“Thank you. Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich.”

Ford stared in disbelief at the crowd who were murmuring appreciatively at this and greedily fingering the wads of leaves with which their track suits were stuffed.

“But we have also,” continued the Management Consultant, “run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability, which means that, I gather, the current going rate has something like three deciduous forests buying one ship’s peanut.”

Murmurs of alarm came from the crowd. The Management Consultant waved them down.

“So in order to obviate this problem,” he continued, “and effectively revaluate the leaf, we are about to embark on a massive defoliation campaign, and … er, burn down all the forests. I think you’ll all agree that’s a sensible move under the circumstances.”

Not just a pony, but a sparkle pony, god damn it, ordinary ponies are for socalists and similar un-american types,

Dilbert: When can this no longer be called ‘optimism’?
PHB: When it succeeds?

Aren’t the David Frums of the world the ones who’re always telling us that economics is a zero-sum game, that if we give lil’ crippled Johnny on the corner food stamps we’ve got the money to do that by mugging middle-class white Libertarians for “taxes”?

So where the fuck would this million dollars for everyone COME from, anyway? Investing in the stock market? Playing craps? Selling pet rocks on Ebay?

I also understand you’re in charge of finally putting together SadlyNoFest/Boston.

(apologies to J. Garcia and any other DFH who loved that song) even if you weren’t a deadhead… which sort of summarizes MM, but in a different way

If a nominal inflation rate of 2.1% is factored into both the annual investment and the dollar return, the end total amounts to $120K, but the money is actually worth $47K in today’s dollars.

That also ignores all fees for money management.

Welcome to the Republicans’ new definition of blue-collar millionaire.

You mean it really is all in your head?!?!?!?

My esteemed employer, SuperMegaHuge-HealthcareCorp, is having an Patient Accounting Employment open house on Wednesday, April 16th, 4:30 – 6:30 pm. Don’t let the word ‘accounting’ scare you. If you have basic math and spreadsheets skills, that’s all you need.

Boring work, but stable and steady during massive recession. Salaries are eh, but benefits are excellent. And although we have been known to screw a patient or two, generally the institutions are doing good work –world-class teaching hospitals, etc.

Go here for details on the job fair. Note the “high school degree” requirement. If you have some college, you’ll be way ahead of the game! Go here for details on all positions available at SuperMegaHuge-HealthcareCorp.

If you wish, email me at doodle-bean at hotmail dot com by Sunday and I could help tailor your resume to the peculiarities of this place. Full-disclosure: I would get a small referral bonus if I submit your resume.

Dealing with me is totally not necessary. Just if you want me to help you out a bit and if you want to help me out a bit. (Sorry if this is considered spam; just trying to help out any Sadlynosians who need steady work and health insurance).

Good luck!

Let’s see that again in slow motion. You can see the exact point —

could guarantee

– at which dumbass bursts into flame.

Conditional certainty. Nice. Save it for the trailerpark, you zip.
.

I swear.

Why don’t they just put together a pilot program for one state, for 5 years, that is separate from and in addition to Social Security, and see how that works out?

Oh, right. That’s logical, responsible and not fed by a deep-set pathological hatred for the basic compassion for strangers that Social Security stands for.

It’s a win-whocares!

Can we dismantle the fed yet?