Apr
7
7
Shorter Pat Boone
Above: ‘Boxing the clown,’ or similar caption
- I am familiar with a certain primal enthusiasm among America’s youth for these Negro troubadors.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
jeff said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:28
that photo is funny because it is pat boone pointing at his peepee in a box for real.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:29
Shorter Pat Boone is funny, because.
J. A. Baker said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:34
You sure that’s his shlong? It looks more like someone else’s thumb, to me.
acrannymint said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:36
It seems to me that the “pied piper of hamlin’s” response was particularly Republican.
Gundamhead said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:36
Jesus, I actually read that thing. That man can ramble with the best of them, you have to give him that much. Uhh, I’m not to sure what his point was though. Something about Barack Xerxes Hussein being the Anti-Christ or something. I don’t really have any jokes unfortunately. Pat’s writing sort of melted my brain.
Uhh did you know he fought Superman once? http://www.superdickery.com/dick/1.html
vanmojo said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:43
Oh. My. God.
Pat Freekin’ Boone? Look, I knew the guy was a neo-dominionist wingnut, but that anyone can actually take him seriously as a social/political commentator is really laughable.
And I love how he identifies himself with the “millions of beleaguered, overtaxed, desperately hard-working citizens” who will apparently be the victims of big government if Obama or Clinton is elected.
Hey Pat, when was the last time you dug a ditch, picked a strawberry, showed up to the cheesy Branson, MO nightclub doing a “Monsters of Sonombulism” festival only to find that your job is now being done cheaper by 13 girl in a dingy Beijing factor…
The self-righteous indignation might be more believable if Pat demonstrated even a rudimentary grasp of the dynamics or facts surrounding the current state of politics and society in America, much less the intricacies of the election.
And it is at this point that I realize that I have given about 10 minutes of thought to this pathetic has-been and low-rent William F. Buckley wannabee… and that was 10 minutes too many.
I will never get those minutes back, now…
mojo sends
Blue Buddha said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:46
…or bowled more than a 37 in five frames or properly ordered a cheesesteak in Philly?
Me said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:01
Slightly less-shorter Pat Boone, along with many of Obama’s detractors: I’m going to pretend that Obama’s website containing highly detailed policy positions doesn’t exist, along with all the parts of his 45-minute stump speech that aren’t empty rhetoric, but instead very specific about very specific problems, because that would ruin my easy diatribe about how he’s just an empty vessel who talks good, which I picked up from rightwing talk radio and my fax machine this morning.
Yeah, it’s not very short, but it’s fucking accurate.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:02
The thing about Pat is, he’s so genuine. Salt of the earth. Did you know he wrote “Tutti Frutti”? And that dead animal he’s wearing on his head? Shot it himself.
Governor William J. Le Petomane said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:03
Can I get an uncensored photo?
Governor William J. Le Petomane said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:04
Missed link. It looks like an acorn!
Marita said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:04
Governor, just click the “or similar caption” in the caption.
mikeinportc said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:05
Shut up and sing .
(quietly. – so we can’t hear you )
SomeNYGuy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:11
What in the heck is going on? Some kind of voodoo? –Pat Boone
A-whomp-bop-a-lu-bop,
Mm-bop-bam-boom.
Pat Boone said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:13
“On a day like today
I could pass the time a way
Taking gag photos of my gland…”
Pat Boone said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:16
Okay, so I had kind of a wild youth. Listen, if you’d spent weeks making “Journey to the Center of the Earth” in close proximity to that flirt Gertrude the duck, you’d fuck her too.
PeeJ said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:19
He underwent dick reduction surgery many years ago so he wouldn’t be mistaken for a negro troubador.
PeeJ said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:22
Not that there was any reason for anyone to make that mistake.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:23
I clicked through to the uncensored photo. “Shorter Pat Boone” would have to be named Patricia.
Candy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:27
I always felt sorry for daughter Debbie. What a bummer to grow up and realize that your dear old Da was an internationally celebrated dweeb.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:31
of taxing the evil rich (the employers of our workers)
Does Paris Hilton employ THAT many people?
Stefan said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:35
It’s especially funny because Pat Boone was personally responsible for some of the whitest music of the 1950’s.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:38
Stefan, have you heard those records? More like impersonally responsible.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:39
Hey, Pat! Nice shoes!
Stefan said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:42
Heh, true, but this whole spiel sounds like one long, boring, nasally whine that him polite Anglo-Saxon thunder got stolen by all those (gasp) Black musicians in Teh Golden Age! Especially the part about “voodoo”. Since, you know, those inner-city R-and-B musicians smoke the devil’s weed and seduce our youth into the world of gyrating hips.
Pat Boone said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:42
Those weren’t shoes. I had a rare medical condition that made my feet white and fuzzy.
Pat Boone said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:51
All snark aside, Stefan, black musicians didn’t steal Pat’s thunder — it was the other way around. He became a star by “covering” songs originated by those dirty colored folk to make them safe to sell to white kids. He was white America’s first line of defense against the devil’s weed and those gyrating hips. And guess who sold more records and made more money?
SomeNYGuy said,
April 7, 2008 at 5:54
Mr. Boone is on my TV right now as the pitchman for some sort of “reverse mortgage” scam, apparently designed to gouge seniors out of their home equity. What a fine, upstanding citizen.
gbear said,
April 7, 2008 at 6:11
Hey Pat, when was the last time you dug a ditch..
His heavy metal album came pretty close to that.
Anne Laurie said,
April 7, 2008 at 6:49
Give the old bigots a break: the respectable media has been going on about “fortieth anniversary of a tragedy” since Friday, and nobody will let Mr. Boone even *hint* about good riddances, or Sic-semper-uppity-minorities, or even their beloved old jokes about MLK dying surrounded by garbagemen. Instead, their narrow little minds are confronted with the myriad horrors of Mr. Barak Hussein “Race Mixing In Action” Obama interfering with such sacred white-trash totems as sports bowling and the consumption of chemically-enhanced cheese products. Truly, Mr. Boone’s Dominionist Lord is taking His chosen through a period of trials comparable only to The Predecessors’ 40-year sojourn in the desert, with nothing to comfort them but 50-year-old P. Boone ballads and megacorporate-branded food products, in comparison to which Mosaic plainwhinge and dried locusts would constitute a sensual feast…
Michael Harrington said,
April 7, 2008 at 7:15
Little Richard owes this ass a six-months-in-a-coma beatdown.
King Oscar said,
April 7, 2008 at 7:33
I’m impressed that Boone props up his argument by quoting the always reliable Jill Stanek. It was Nurse Jill who recently warned us that Western Civilization is about to be destroyed by an unstoppable horde of Chinese guys with boners.
Smut Clyde said,
April 7, 2008 at 8:06
when was the last time you dug a ditch..
I just can’t keep up with you kids and your new euphemisms all the time.
Tehanu said,
April 7, 2008 at 9:31
vanmojo said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:43
Pat Freekin’ Boone … I love how he identifies himself with the “millions of beleaguered, overtaxed, desperately hard-working citizens” who will apparently be the victims of big government if Obama or Clinton is elected.…
Pat lives in Beverly Hills. Just keep that in mind when he talks about “desperately hard-working citizens.” Nothing wrong with living in Beverly Hills, of course….
julia said,
April 7, 2008 at 13:47
This is a big, loud, shrieking fundamentalist dogwhistle. All the magic and hypnotism and capturing the minds of our youth? Satan. Just saying.
Fats Durston said,
April 7, 2008 at 14:05
I see the leading Democrat candidate for the office of president of the United States as eerily similar to the fabled pied piper
According to a German legend he was a magician who promised to rid the town of Hamelin from rats for a stipulated sum of money. He performed his task by playing on his pipe as he walked to the Weser River and the rats, following the music, were charmed into the river and drowned. On the citizens then refusing to pay the money, the piper took up his pipe once more and led the way out of the town followed by 130 children [who] vanished forever.
Yes. The similarities are spooooooooky. In every sense of the word. Like when B. Tamerlane Obama played that clarinet (elitist fuck!) in Philadelphia, and all the stray cats (but, unfortunately, not the band the Stray Cats*) in the town followed him into the Delaware. And then, when the city wouldn’t pay him his demanded 30 pieces of silver, B. Mao Obama pulled out his bassoon and all those poor inner-city children followed him into New Jersey and Certain Death.
*If this were really Pat Boone, a huge tragedy. I can go only so far play-acting, people.
Arky The Islahomobamaist said,
April 7, 2008 at 14:17
Pat’s attempt to grasp a bit of relevancy continues. How sad.
Jason said,
April 7, 2008 at 15:58
Um, why is Pat Boone looking for the story of the Pied Piper in the Encyclopedia Americana? Where the hell is Hamelin anyway? Missouri?
Woodrowfan said,
April 7, 2008 at 18:26
Shortet Pat Boone: Damn kids, get off my lawn! (repeat)
Righteous Bubba said,
April 7, 2008 at 18:35
Shorter Pat Boone: Damn kids, lookit! (repeat)
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
April 7, 2008 at 19:46
They say he gotta go to rehab
But he said, no, no, no
Tim (the Other One) said,
April 7, 2008 at 20:41
“when was the last time you dug a ditch..
I just can’t keep up with you kids and your new euphemisms all the time.”
These kids today, with the fire, and the wheel, and that printing press….
Dagoril said,
April 7, 2008 at 21:35
Perhaps Pat should put his “pipe” away, before calling Barack Obama the pied piper.
While we may call him “Half-cocked Pat,” he can take comfort at least in having veritably IMMENSE testicles. You can see those things outer space.
Smut Clyde said,
April 7, 2008 at 22:41
B. Mao Obama pulled out his bassoon
There is an alternative version where the Pie Piper plays the Trumpet Call of Freedom, alerting all the patriotic Gary Rupperts of the town, who follow him into oblivion.
jim said,
April 8, 2008 at 2:55
So Pat Boone is a political authority now?
Sadly, No!
Look on the bright side … it could’ve been Ted Nugent.
J. A. Baker said,
April 8, 2008 at 14:47
Is it just me, or is he “doing a Lynndie” to himself?
Kip W said,
April 9, 2008 at 1:37
“… What a time to get a boner!”
Kip W said,
April 9, 2008 at 1:45
Shorter: Pat Bone.
S. Palin said,
November 22, 2008 at 21:38
HEY LOKK!! all of Obams experience and ideas are in this box.
JABbering Stooge :: Shorter Pat “Junk in a Box” Boone: :: December :: 2008 said,
December 9, 2008 at 7:52
[...] should sue Justin Timberlake for copyright infringement… (Source: Sadly, No!) Hate is hate, in India or [...]