Apr
6
6
Charlton Heston, Adieu
Moses of the Assault Rifles has departed for the Great Firing Range in the Sky.
John Hinderaker on George W. Bush Pauline Kael on Charlton Heston:
With his perfect, lean-hipped, powerful body, Heston is a godlike hero; built for strength, he’s an archetype of what makes Americans win. He doesn’t play nice guy; he’s harsh and hostile, self-centered and hot-tempered. Yet we don’t hate him because he’s so magnetically strong; he represents American power — and he has the profile of an eagle.
Apparently, in the land of the apes, the eagle-schnozzed man is king. Farewell, O Sultan of Saltpeter. You brought us 70’s disaster films and gun shows. For that, you will be kind of missed.
D. Aristophanes said,
April 6, 2008 at 16:41
Let the ‘cold, dead hands’ jokes commence.
The Eminently Serious and Sensible Liberal HTML Mencken said,
April 6, 2008 at 16:46
What about the Soylent Green jokes?
Taisa said,
April 6, 2008 at 16:48
Take your stinking paws off of me you damn dirty ape!
… wait… cloven hooves… you’re no ape!
Jennifer said,
April 6, 2008 at 16:57
Damn you, D. Aristophanes! I came here straight from the comcast homepage where they had the news posted only to find you’d beat me to it!!!!
Ok, now I’m gonna have to fall back on some lame joke about how the waters will part when his funeral procession passes….
Soj said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:03
he represents American power — and he has the profile of an eagle
I wonder if in the afterlife they’ll give him a shotgun so his trembling liver spotted hands can fend off all the brown people who “cause” all the violence he had to go profit off of for fame and fortune after his movie career was over.
EnfantTerrible said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:08
“Where is your Winchester Model 70 Super Grade now, Moses?”
Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:15
I almost always enjoyed watching him, especially in the really bad films he made in the ’70s (i.e., all of them). It’s one of the reasons I’ve never understood why some people let an actor’s politics color their enjoyment of a film. Who the hell cares?
Legalize said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:21
“You brought us 70’s disaster films and gun shows. For that, you will be kind of missed.”
As well as “Touch of Evil,” where Heston played *gasp* a Mexican!! See that, Michelle? Even Heston is in on it! Er, or was, rather.
Dagoril said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:28
Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!!!111!!111!
In other news, the International Herald Tribune also reported about the Absolut Reconquista thing.
http://tinyurl.com/453jxy
More than a dozen! Wow Michelle, your influence is as immense as Charlton Heston’s cock.
Davis said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:32
Heston was never a good actor, but give him credit for “Touch of Evil”. He insisted that Welles be permitted to direct. He marched for civil rights in the 50s, but like Saint Ronnie, he became reactionary in old age.
Blue Buddha said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:35
Yeah… was going to say that Heston was actually an environmentalist in the 70s. Kinda hard to believe when he became a gun nut in his later life.
Blue Buddha said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:36
DAMN YOU!!! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!
mat said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:38
It’s one of the reasons I’ve never understood why some people let an actor’s politics color their enjoyment of a film.
Conversely, we shouldn’t let an actor’s lousy acting color our politics.
Heston was a terrible actor, a silly ham, stiff and pompous, and always had a grimacing expression on his face like he had a fresh load in his shorts.
Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:52
Heston was a terrible actor, a silly ham
I don’t disagree with this at all. But at the same time, I really feel these same qualities gave him a sort of presence. I’m not sure if people realize it, but Planet of the Apes would have been a dreadful bore without him.
And on a somewhat related note, somewhere there’s a hilarious essay by Gore Vidal, who ghost-wrote much of “Ben Hur”, about the homosexual subtext in Heston’s scenes with Stephen Boyd. You’ll never watch that film the same way again.
Ghost of Joe Liebling's Dog said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:56
Heston was never a good actor, but give him credit for “Touch of Evil”.
—–
He was dreadful in it. Is that enough credit, or should we add that he was no more convincing as a Mexican than he was as Moses?
It was a great little movie, if you ignore Sr. Heston and the Creepy Marihuana Crazed Gang of Thugs who Almost Molest Extremely White Janet Leigh subplot. And Heston said he had learned a lot about acting from Welles … bringing his chops up from wretched to mediocre, I suppose … but credit?
C’mon.
Doodle Bean said,
April 6, 2008 at 17:58
He became a gun nut in later life. He suffered from Alzheimer’s in later life.
Discuss.
luneylegume said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:01
Mr Roddy McDowell is preparing to fling an answer (in character) to that notion
fardels bear said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:10
George Kennedy acted rings around Chuck in EARTHQUAKE. So Welles must not have taught him enough.
PeeJ said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:17
Heston swore up and down that Ben Hur Homo story wasn’t true. I recall seeing the interview - Vidal says Wyler thopught it was a great idea but they had to agree not let Heston in on it as he would be sure to panic.
But yeah, after knowing that, the reunion scene where they compare lances is hysterically funny.
J— said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:18
I’ve always preferred Mel Brooks’ Moses.
OTB said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:18
Andrew Sullivan? Izzat you?
Watching the movie clips of Heston running on the morning news was like watching youtubes of the Wiggins sisters. He was the worst. actor. ever.
Punching Everyone said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:21
Don’t be stupid.
Blue Buddha said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:23
I disagree. Reagan was much much worse than Heston.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:30
So am I supposed to say something nice about him, just because he died? Am I supposed to pretend to respect him, or something?
Blue Buddha said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:30
So when do we get to pry the guns from his cold, dead hands?
* gets his crowbar *
Righteous Bubba said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:37
The real scandal:
CHARLTON HESTON NOT HOLDING GUNS AS DEATH OVERTOOK HIM
ljg said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:38
Guess God wanted to balance the scales. Richard Widmark, who died last week, was a passionate advocate for gun control. He thought it was insane that this country would permit such reckless proliferation of guns.
Blue Buddha — that was my first thought when I heard of Heston’s death.
merl said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:39
Planet of the Apes. Damn good movie. I don’t care about his politics, either.
merl said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:40
I am dissapointed that I didn’t get to make the cold dead hands joke, though
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:41
“He became a gun nut in later life. He suffered from Alzheimer’s in later life.”
I, for one, welcome our new armed and demented overlords.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:42
I liked The Omega Man, but I’m objectively pro-apocalypse.
Ghost of Joe Liebling's Dog said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:42
George Kennedy acted rings around Chuck in EARTHQUAKE. So Welles must not have taught him enough.
—–
It’s not really fair to compare Heston with the Babe Ruth of B.
Percyprune said,
April 6, 2008 at 18:55
Everyone seems to have forgotten his magisterial performance as Cardinal Richelieu in the two Dick Lester-helmed Musketeers movies. Real proof of his acting chops, I’d say. Who can forget him ordering Christopher Lee to bow down before his master?
Plus, any scene containing both Charlton Heston and Spike Milligan is one for the ages.
gbear said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:04
Yet we don’t hate him because he’s so magnetically strong; he represents American power — and he has the profile of an eagle.
And he’s dead.
David Robinson said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:10
The gun was pried from his hands BEFORE he died. It wasn’t difficult — he was old and feeble.
justme said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:16
Well, Fark beat most of the good jokes into the dirt before the thread turned into a sheer idiocy of gun nuts vs. anti-gun nuts. Other than the obvious fact that they haven’t been able to process new information for thirty years, I don’t understand how Conservatives think that “The Left” still hates guns. I know more than a few heavily Left avid recreational shooters, and the rise of the Democrats in the Mountain West sure doesn’t indicate anybody trying to take any guns away, quite the contrary. I loved Tester’s comeback at his debate. It was something like “Oh, no, I think I’ll keep my guns, especially with folks like you in Washington.”
That said, The Ten Commandments was on the tube the other night, Easter, I suppose, and I was surprised at how incredibly bad it was. Good special effects for the time, nice soundtrack, and it was shot well, but yeesh… What, was it the Phantom Menace of its day? Top to bottom schlock, really. Hrrrmmm, maybe it’s just that I have a hard time imagining the subject matter done with a straight face. I’d better stop, before I make Bozell cry.
I’ll always love Soylent Green, and come on, he was positively Shatnerian in Planet of the Apes. All in all, not a bad run for a shlub trying to make a living in show business. If he hadn’t been hanging around with all those neo-Nazis late in life, I might have something nice to say about him.
Anyway, float on down the Nile, there, Moses.
Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:20
That said, The Ten Commandments was on the tube the other night, Easter, I suppose, and I was surprised at how incredibly bad it was.
Your eyes are as sharp as they are beautiful.
MrWonderful said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:21
I always liked how exhausted he played in The Agony and the Ecstasy after the Sistine Chapel was complete.
He wasn’t an actor. He was a movie star. That sort of thing is out of fashion now (and has been since, what–The Graduate?).
I thought Michael Moore’s ambush of him in Columbine was a cheap “shot,” as it were.
That said, he became a reactionary asshole and preened at the applause of NRA idiots. So he’ll go to Purgatory. Like the rest of us.
justme said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:23
Oh, and I am now officially scared to watch Ben Hur again. I don’t think I’d be able to keep my beverage off of the screen. Seeing Heston unwittingly putting on teh ghey would just be too damned funny.
PeeJ said,
April 6, 2008 at 19:39
The Ben Homo thing could use a touch more explication.
IIRC:
While filming the reunion scene, Vidal and Wyler were concerned that there was no dramatic tension between Boyd and Heston. Heston was phoning it in as usual and they just couldn’t get him to put any life in it.
They discussed various things including script changes and what have you when Vidal suggested they play up the homo-subtext. Wyler thought it was a great idea but it would never work as Chuck would freak out.
They talked to Boyd privately and told to him play the scene as they were lovers, together again. But DON’T let on to Heston for god’s sake! Now go watch that scene for both Boyd’s slightly over the top performance and especially Heston’s body language and facial expressions.
One of my favorite film moments.
Snorghagen said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:01
Whether or not one enjoyed Heston’s acting was a matter of taste. Personally, I couldn’t stand the guy for the most part.
Percyprune wrote:
Agreed. That’s almost the only performance of his that I liked - he did a great job playing the part of a theatrical, overbearing asshole.
The Eminently Serious and Sensible Liberal HTML Mencken said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:02
Screw you cineaste snobs! Don’t slag the Ten Commandments. Great flick, which would have been done-in by “serious” actors. Sword & Sandals shit was about movie stars and character actors. Heston was more than fine — indeed, he was essential — in that context, as he was in sci-fi movies.
And, c’mon. I’m not even gay and I think TTC is worth watching just for the beauty of young John Derek. Throw in Heston, Yul Brenner and Edward G. Robinson and it’s a great popcorn flick just for the awesome characters.
Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:08
it’s a great popcorn flick.
I dunno, I think there must be a reason why I’ve never once seen it all the way through, and I’ve started watching it at least 20 or 30 times. Every year I say, “This is the year I actually make it to the end!”, but it never happens.
And no, it’s not an attention span issue. I’ve made it through Lawrence of Arabia more than once.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:10
I’m not even gay and I think TTC is worth watching just for the beauty of young John Derek.
I’m not even straight and I’m struck dumb by the voluptuous beauty of Yvonne de Carlo.
goat or panic said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:10
Thank Moses for Youtube. The Ben Hur clip is even better in badly dubbed Spanish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NV00kigzVA
Doctorb Science said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:17
“And on a somewhat related note, somewhere there’s a hilarious essay by Gore Vidal, who ghost-wrote much of “Ben Hur”, about the homosexual subtext in Heston’s scenes with Stephen Boyd.”
While it’s no Spartacus, finding the homosexual subtext in Ben-Hur is like spotting a Christ figure in Ben-Hur.
Brandi said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:18
Does anybody beside me remember the political/entertainment column Heston had in the Los Angeles Times around the later ’80s?
It wasn’t infuriating like most winger stuff these days, but it was chock full of oddness, like the one where he was insisting that Michelangelo simply *couldn’t* have been homosexual, because he’d played the guy in The Agony and the Ecstasy and he *knew*.
Makes me wish there was an afterlife so that Michelangelo could gently break the news to him…
steve evfuture said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:20
Can we get that gun from his cold dead hands?
Heston had the two best shock movie endings of all time: Soylent Green and Planet of the Apes.
Snorghagen said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:24
Again, it’s a matter of taste.. but I can’t frigging stand that movie.
Incidentally, I’m so old that I saw both Ten Commandments and Ben Hur when they first came out - as a little kid. As I remember it, the thing that impressed me most in Ben Hur was the man who called out the rowing speeds to the galley slaves… “Baaattttle speeeed!… Raaammmming speeeed!” I still love that guy.
justme said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:31
Well, I’m glad I hit refresh. I thought Me was bagging on me for dissing TTC.
I’ll fully admit that everybody who ought to be gorgeous was gorgeous, all the lights were in the right places, the makeup folks knew their gig. I don’t even know that I think the script was bad. I’m kind of at a loss as to just what made me watch it from the other room, but I did.
Maybe if it was like this…
SomeNYGuy said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:37
These days I find the hysterical, dunderheaded camp of The Ten Commandments far more entertaining than the leaden, pious earnestness of Ben Hur. Wyler made plenty of genuinely good movies, but even the best filmmakers get tripped up by all that God shit.
I was precisely the adolescent target audience when Planet of the Apes and Soylent Green came out and they blew me away. They may even have helped me realize I was a liberal. So thanks, Chuck!
PeeJ said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:41
Thanks for that Brandi! I had completely forgotten that bit of nonsense. Widdle Chuckie Wuckie was occasionally *pwecious.*
Hümor Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:48
LGM has a piece on Chuck that links to Ann Althouse, who assumes that because she’s never seen The Ten Commandments, Michelangelo, or Ben Hur, that everyone else’s impressions of the Hestonator must’ve come from Planet of the Apes as well. She posts a clip from Bowling for Columbine, with this perfect Althousism;
Awesome.
As for me, I’ll remember Phil Hartman as Heston reading Madonna’s “Sex”.
Hümor Me said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:51
wait, maybe it was the Vagina Monologues.
mextremist said,
April 6, 2008 at 20:52
I guess we can take his gun now…
Although it depends on his definition of ‘cold’ I guess…
Hoosier X said,
April 6, 2008 at 21:01
Mark me down as one of the folks who forgive him for his politics because I love some of his movies so much.
Planet of the Apes
Soylent Green
Omega Man
Touch of Evil - “They want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican.”
That great bit in “Wayne’s World”
I think he deserved being ambushed by Michael Moore. Some of the timing of some of his gun remarks is inexcusable. (As well as the lameness of some of his NRA talking points. My gun nut brother hates the NRA and loves “Bowling for Columbine.”)
And one of the things I love about my job is stuff like last night, where we re-did the obituary page because we didn’t find out Chuck died until just before deadline, and I had to find the obit on AP, find the art, write a headline and a deck, write the caption and edit it in about four minutes. I love a challenge.
MaryC said,
April 6, 2008 at 21:11
Mark me down as one of the folks who forgive him for his politics because I love some of his movies so much.
What Hoosier X said.
And if you think anyone could have done what Heston did, just watch the 2001 Planet of the Apes remake.
watchdog said,
April 6, 2008 at 21:22
My first thought when I first heard was ‘he’s gonna be pissed if they have gun contol in heaven,’ but then I figured he’d wind up somewhere else that probably has guns, not that he’d get to have them though.
I dont forgive him his silly politics, I recall that after Columbine he made the usual nra statement that their should have been armed guards in the school to engadge in a shootout with the two boys. Thats what the school needed, crossfire. His cold dead hands are exactly that now.
justme said,
April 6, 2008 at 22:02
Hoosier X,
The big question, did you get to yell “Stop the presses!”?
MaryC,
just watch the 2001 Planet of the Apes remake.
Which he was in, oddly enough. You have to wonder how he felt about that.
Doctorb Science said,
April 6, 2008 at 22:06
“like the one where he was insisting that Michelangelo simply *couldn’t* have been homosexual, because he’d played the guy in The Agony and the Ecstasy and he *knew*.”
So why did the madame in charge of the brothel laugh so much when the guys were looking for him there?
justme said,
April 6, 2008 at 22:08
I guess we can take his gun now…
from the Fark thread…
http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/5105/colddeadhandsou5.jpg
http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/9330/colddeadhandssm8.jpg
Too late.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 6, 2008 at 22:13
just watch the 2001 Planet of the Apes remake.
Tim Burton is bad.
acrannymint said,
April 6, 2008 at 22:49
I can’t believe no one mentioned El Cid . Actually, I already did but my comment got eaten. All the US needs to do is to strap him to the hood of a humvee and send him against our enemies in Iraq. Mission Accomplished.
Blue Buddha said,
April 6, 2008 at 23:01
Hey, if it worked against the Muslims in Spain, it’s gotta work in Iraq.
Hoosier X said,
April 6, 2008 at 23:32
I didn’t yell “Stop the presses!”
I told my boss, “Hey, Chuck Heston died. Should we re-do the Obituaries?”
He said, “Yes, Check AP and see if they have a 15 or 20-inch obit yet. I’ll look for art.”
They hadn’t started the presses yet.
Maybe next time.
We don’t get to yell “Copy boy!” anymore either.
RobW said,
April 6, 2008 at 23:41
Speaking of reconquista…
Xenos said,
April 7, 2008 at 1:51
Anybody know if Heston was the model for Sam the Eagle on the Muppet Show?
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
April 7, 2008 at 2:45
And no, it’s not an attention span issue. I’ve made it through Lawrence of Arabia more than once.
That may be because Peter O’Toole is a talented actor, particularly when he’s playing nutcases (and Lawrence, despite being oh-so-right about the West’s attempt to partition the Middle East, definitely did not have all his oars in the water).
Have you ever seen The Ruling Class? Now that is classic cinema: satire, murder, christ, and opera, packed with great British actors and absolutely sublime. Stack it up against the likes of Ben Hur (which I confess blew me away when I first saw it, although perhaps that was just the result of so much manliness) and see which comes off better.
acrannymint said,
April 7, 2008 at 3:08
For those of you still hanging around or don’t know the movie El Cid- here is a practical demonstration of how Chuck can be used in Iraq (just substitute the horse for a hummer)
acrannymint said,
April 7, 2008 at 3:29
oops - my url was malformed. Here is a well formed one.
D. Aristophanes said,
April 7, 2008 at 4:28
Hoosier X - one time Mike Tyson was spotted with his entourage round about 11pm at some tarted-up regional dump in the small town where I was working as sports editor for the local rag. It was a PJ O’Dolphinshagger’s or an Applebee McShenanigans if I recall correctly.
Anyway, the call came in that Iron Mike was at the local Ballgag MacJaegershotter’s and I sent the photographer over to take his picture. Tyson’s entourage nearly beat the poor guy up, but he returned with a slightly blurry shot of Mike eating shrimp poppers and cheesy potato sludge, taken as the photographer was being forcibly removed from the restaurant.
Didn’t have to stop the presses - the sports section was the last to run - but we didn’t get that page into production and filmed until after the front section had already started rolling off the line.
Bob McKenzie said,
April 7, 2008 at 6:04
Turn up your speakers.
T. J. O'Pootertoot said,
April 7, 2008 at 6:06
Mike Tyson should have come to my place instead and tried our famous Pooter balls.
King Oscar said,
April 7, 2008 at 7:14
Mr. Tyson would be more than welcome at my palace, where we could have provided him with plenty of tastey seafood treats.
And I have fish balls!
bjacques said,
April 7, 2008 at 13:18
And who can forget his dramatic reading of “I Love My KKK Bitch” by Body Count?
Svensker said,
April 7, 2008 at 14:27
Hey, guys, I know Chuck was a little weird and winger in his lasts decades, but before paranoid dementia got him, he was a pretty good Democrat. Marched with Martin Luther King, defended Vanessa Redgrave when she was supporting the Palestinians, and told J.Edgar Hoover — who had been threatening Chuck because of his lefty politics — to go get stuffed.
He was much more complex than he’s getting credit for.
And while most of his acting was scenery chewing schlock, he did Omega Man, and was perfect as Richelieu.
Cut the guy a little slack.
Madraven72 said,
April 7, 2008 at 20:56
of course, having worked at one of my old jobs with a number of folks from Egypt, TTC always makes me laugh at the concept of there being THAT MANY white Egyptians.
Gregory said,
April 7, 2008 at 20:59
I’m not sure if people realize it, but Planet of the Apes would have been a dreadful bore without him.
Proof positive: Beneath the Planet of the Apes, which is a dreadful bore until Heston shows up.
jim said,
April 8, 2008 at 1:10
He was a damn good actor. Not only was he fun to watch, he really brought power to movies.
That’s how I will remember him.
jim said,
April 8, 2008 at 1:12
“And who can forget his dramatic reading of “I Love My KKK Bitch” by Body Count?”
ZOMG!!! Forgot about that! Must find audio or video. Man.
Smut Clyde said,
April 8, 2008 at 1:46
If no-one else is going to mention ‘Stump’:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xxju1pNhuA