Mar
27
27
Shorter Mark “I Almost Enlisted After 9/11″ Noonan
- It is well that war is so awesome, lest I should lose fondness for it.1
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
1 Cf.
Bonus Noonerism:
“Churchill once opined that ‘war, which had been cruel and glorious, is now cruel and sordid’. And so it had become - but mostly because barbarians had entered the fray and the civilized had followed them right down into the barbaric gutter. The civilized have now recovered from that, and now we stand clearly differentiated from our barbaric enemies, and no matter what their outrages, we remember that we are civilized - and thus, glory has returned to war.”
[Hanx! Bruce]
Kathleen said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:49
“Battleborn (?!?!?!?!) Politics” is the name of his blog? Is there another word for ironic that can be used to describe that, a word that includes “stupid” “tacky” “clueless” and “laughing but also throwing up in my mouth a little” among its connotations?
SomeNYGuy said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:54
Enlisted in what? This guy couldn’t pass the physical to join Netflix.
Hoosier X said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:57
I have no words for this ass clown.
Gerald Curl said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:57
It is difficult, to say the least, to gainsay a man who has suffered as much from war as Senator McCain, but I dispute the notion - from whatever source - that war has been shorn forever of its glory.
In other words, quit cockblocking his war masturbatory fantasies.
Something tells me someone has recently watched the Ken Burns Civil War documentary. What a choad of the highest order, I daresay.
Dan Someone said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:58
I read that as “BattlePorn Politics.” But maybe that’s just me.
sophie brown said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:58
oh my lord. maybe we could forget about the actual fighting and just sit around and sing masculine songs written by women.
witty1 said,
March 27, 2008 at 22:58
Shorter Mark Noonan: Even though the US started a war in which hundreds of thousands of civilians died, we are still the civilized ones.
Batocchio said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:02
That may be the stupidest of the many stupid things Mark “Chickenhawk Politics” Noonan has ever written.
“War was great, until the barbarians messed it all up!”
Brian Schmidt said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:03
Anyone have the link to where Noonan talks about “almost” enlisting? I’m curious to see where he “almost” showed some ethics.
Bitter Scribe said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:04
Who the fuck is this guy? Is he any relation to Peggy Noonan? He has something of her style—airy circumlocutions, utterly untethered to reality, based in an almost mystic sense of his own importance and profundity.
NutellaonToast said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:06
Stop hurting me!
Bitter Scribe said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:08
I would give two months’ salary to see this piece of shit go to a VA hospital and read his post aloud to the guys on the amputee ward.
D.N. Nation said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:08
Wow. Just…
If the Chickenhawks ever needed a rallying cry, the above quote is it.
Why don’t you tell McCain how wrong he is on war glory, you chubby, pasty zero.
witty1 said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:09
This guy is the ultimate “it’s not what you know” example.
Witness: http://www.balloon-juice.com/?p=7270
You’re welcome.
Gavin M. said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:14
Voici!
OTB said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:14
Hee hee!
javafascist said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:16
Not hard to imagine that idiots that believe IOKIYAR would extrapolate that belief to IOKIYAA (American). Sure we torture but it’s civilize and justified. Sure we detain without rights but it too is civilized and justified. And on and on and on and on…
Flying Fox said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:16
I wonder how many veterans Noonan knows. Odds are he must have at least met some military veteran. What do they say? The veterans I’ve known (World War II, Korea, Vietnam respectively. One career soldier was in Korea and Vietnam. Another fellow I met served in Vietnam and did some advising in Iraq) do not think that war is glorious anymore. Before they enlisted, they did. That’s why they enlisted. To a man, they told me they thought their service was honorable even if they did questionable and reprehensible things out of battle. The veterans I know believe that sacrifice for things you hold dear is honorable. Having the strength to do something that is very, very hard for years is honorable and a source of pride. But they don’t revel in glory. When they talk about it they get quieter and less tolerant of teenage arrogance (Four of these people to which I refer taught High School. They saw plenty of teenage arrogance). Two of them are poets. One (now passed) had the largest private collection of Hitler memorabilia.
tigrismus said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:16
War was dreamy until those damnable barbarians started killing the innocent, beating people to pulpy masses, hanging folks and popping their heads off(taunting them as they die), and raping, sodomizing, and torturing prisoners of war. Thank goodness civilized folks don’t do that.
His Grace said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:17
My Grandfather was a World War II veteran, my other Grandfather stayed home on the farm to feed the troops while overseas. All my grandparents live through the great depression and the subsequent maelstrom. They all are solid, strong individuals who embody the spirit of the greatest generation. I’ve had political disagreements with them all, but none of them could be easily categorized as right or left in modern contexts. (Though I’m sure that five minutes of Michelle Malkin digging through their trash would have them tagged as Marxists for accepting old age pensions or something like that). The thing of it is, I don’t think that any of them would reminisce about the struggle they lived through like Mark Noonan seems to. One wonders if Mark Noonan can even contemplate that the greatest generation did not greet the invasion of Poland with cheering in the streets and songs about how it will be over by Christmas.
zeppo said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:17
I almost made love to Salma Hayek once….
SamFromUtah said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:22
Hey, Mark! It’s still after 9/11.
Operation Yellow Elephant can hook you up with the paperwork.
I Can't Feel My Face said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:24
Anyone should be taken seriously when the lyrics from a Civil War era song aer used as evidence of how f-in awesome war is. Such logic is iron-clad.
mikeinportc said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:25
I’ve had “discussions” with him at Blogs For Bush aka Blogs For Victory. His profile there says he was in the Navy. He’s not a chickenhawk, but instead is an unabashed apologist for the chickenhawks. Maybe he’s just regretting the lack of war when he was in? He’s one of those “I don’t trust big government” types, that trust this particular one implicitly. I tried to ask him about that , but got disconnected. It was late, so I didn’t return . He seems impervious to facts and logic contrary to the WH talking points, so probably a waste of time anyway .
zeppo said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:27
Actually, I think Mark just got finished viewing “300″ for the eleventh time. That was pretty heroic and macho and stuff. Lots of armor and body grease. Fighting to the death…. The problem with that, of course, is people die like that.
Chet Scoville said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:30
Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
t4toby said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:33
300? Never saw it, never will.
Would someone please enlighten me about the origin of the ‘Bag o’ Dicks’ joke that occasionally surfaces around here?
SamFromUtah said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:35
300? Never saw it, never will.
I can’t blame you, but I had a good time with it. Probably not in the way I was supposed to - I thought it was hilarious.
I get a big hoot out of people acting SO! FUCKING! SERIOUS!
Gavin M. said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:36
Well, he would’ve been in the Navy circa 1980-’84 or so, but the ‘trying to enlist after 9/11′ thing has always seemed a little odd, since he doesn’t seem to have been afoul of the age requirement (there’s an age waiver for prior service)…
OneMan said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:37
OK, so was Abu Ghraib a figment of my imagination? Guantanimo? Extraordinary Rendition? Did I just miss the part of the massacre in Haditha where the victims jumped up and yelled ‘Surprise!’
Yeah, that’s glory all right.
Pigfucker.
Galactic Dustbin said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:40
Sounds like he is writing Klingon fanfic
zeppo said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:41
“300″ sort of has the same plot to it as does “Hoosiers”, except without Gene Hackman and it’s not really about basketball. Little guy fighting against insurmoutable odds until they win. That story. Except they all die afterwards, which is a cautionary note, I suppose, but who cares when Fame and Glory come calling? Especially when you can get someone else to make that last second basket for you. Picket fence, everyone!
comsympinko said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:42
Barbaric war bad.
Civilized war good.
Civilized war accompanied by masculine woman song teh fucking awesome.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
mextremist said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:45
To call war the soil of courage and virtue is like calling debauchery the soil of love.
Or calling talent the soil of creed.
mikey said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:47
Ok, I just need a little help here.
Just to clarify the terms and nomenclature, you know?
Ok. It’s a war.
Some guys are squatting in holes they frantically dug in the mud. The have some indirect fire support, and they got some wire, mines and trip flares out before dark.
Some other guys are trying to get through that wire and mines to get to the guys squatting in holes in the mud. The guys squatting in the holes have automatic rifles and lots of ammunition, plus a big net bag of grenades, and are killing the other guys while they try to get through the wire and the mines. Eventually those guys get through the wire and the mines and overrun the guys squatting in the holes. So the guys hop out of the holes and pretty soon its too confused and chaotic for guns and grenades so they kill each other with knives, with entrenching tools, with their bare hands.
So here’s my question:
Which ones are the barbarians, and which ones are the savages?
mikey
do not want said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:47
“Of sadness and death war has no lack.”
Of pompousness and tendentiousness Mark Noonan has no fucking lack at all.
Carnacki said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:47
I did almost enlist after 9/11. The recruiters told me I was too old. I had just turned 35 a few months earlier and didn’t have prior military or specialized experience that would have led them to grant a waiver.
Thank God.
t4toby said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:50
That’s easy, mikey.
The white guys are the saints and anyone darker than khaki are both the savages and the barbarians.
FuriousGeorge said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:50
So here’s my question:
Which ones are the barbarians, and which ones are the savages?
That depends on one very simple question - which one is the computer, and which one is Player 1?
Carnacki said,
March 27, 2008 at 23:52
He’s a professional writer who writes “charicature?”
Perhaps Noonan, a caricature of a chickenhawk, should learn to use spellcheck. Then he could install pretensive bullshit check to use on his writing as well.
NutellaonToast said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:01
“steeled by the joyful knowledge that if they fell, it was for a noble cause, which would not be forsaken, or forgotten.”
If I ever die in battle, someone make sure that Mark Noonan forgets me.
R. Porrofatto said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:02
Speaking of civil war, remember that Mark was all set to engage in one over the indictment of Tom Delay.
Aside from the sheer obscenity of this cowardly crap, did Noonan go back in time to Missy Elspeth’s Purple Patriotic Prose school for stuff like this?:
- Of sadness and death war has no lack
- steeled by the joyful knowledge
- joy as the lynchpin of one’s worldview,
- rejoicing at our calamaties,
- War is a terrible thing - but far more terrible is to cease being human
This is too easy, but on the glory of war here’s a bit of Wilfrid Owen, a guy who, y’know, actually fought and died in one.
Kevin/Saul/Chris St James said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:09
Wilfrid Owen is emboldening the enemy and should be hung for his traitorous ways!
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:12
Mark Noonan is emboldening the enema!
J— said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:12
steeled by the joyful knowledge
Call it soldier’s joy.
Arky "I Just Get These Headaches" The Blasphemer said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:13
Nooner’s iron eyebrows of civilization will crush the savage forces of … er … savagery!
Completely OT: I was reading a review of Stop-Loss and the main actor (Ryan Phillipe?) said that he had considered enlisting after Sept. 11th. He went on to say he didn’t because he had kids (or something kid related). And I thought: Dude. Please. Shut the fuck up.
Why do people say that, especially now? What the hell does it even mean and what response is the listener supposed to make?
Susan of Texas said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:16
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Try being the kid left behind by the Glorious Dead. Not so much fun.
His dumbassitute knows no bounds. He is the embodiment of the brainless zombie lust for blood, as long as it’s far and wee.
There’s not enough vodka in the world for that assfuckery.
mikey said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:17
For what it’s worth Arky, I never considered for a nanosecond enlisting after 9/11.
Not even a fleeting thought…
mikey
Smut Clyde said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:18
did Noonan go back in time to Missy Elspeth’s Purple Patriotic Prose school for stuff like this?
It is difficult, to say the least, to gainsay R. Porrofatto. Especially since I eschew gainsaying.
Susan of Texas said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:22
Cashews eschew eschetons.
Susan of Texas said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:22
Eschatons, sorry. I blame the vodka.
lesley said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:23
Three men in my family fought in the great wars (1 and II) and all returned medals and clinical depression. They didn’t find glory.
Speaking of the war Noonan enjoys from his armed chair: this can be watched on-line:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/bushswar/
lesley said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:23
“returned with”
dayum. even with preview i fail.
Red said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:24
!I *did* enlist after 9/11.
Not because I had any illusions about bringing justice to the perpetrators of 9/11
But because the economy in the town I was in (Poplar Bluff, MO) was so indescribably shitty (and still is) that I couldn’t even get a job in fast food.
Susan of Texas said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:25
It’s Jonah Goldberg’s fault. The miasma of his stupidity spreads over the world, impregnating it with idiotcy.
Let’s insult Jonah some more. It’s been so long…..
Susan of Texas said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:26
Damn you, Roy Kroc.
Smut Clyde said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:29
Cashews eschew eschetons.
Gesundheit.
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:31
The fact is, none of you liberals have the guts or balls for the glory of war that our brave men do, and you mock their service, say its about imperialism, which it is not so shut up.
Kevin/Saul/Chris St James said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:32
My grandfather served in the ‘Glorious’ WWII.
Some Nazi hit his jeep with a howitzer while he was speeding down a road in the Battle of the Buldge. He left behind a crater, a wife, and my 13 month old father.
War is really, really glorious.
t4toby said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:32
Oops, left the straw men a danglin’.
t4toby said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:35
The best part? Because he was completely obliterated my grandmother never believed he was dead. She said she would never be able to forgive herself if she moved on and he somehow came back.
She was a single mom in the 40’s and 50’s.
t4toby said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:36
Super fucking glorious.
Chlamydia Champagne said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:37
Let’s insult Jonah some more. It’s been so long…..
I think Brad and Gavin gave up reading Jonah’s tome. They wrote posts about it some ways into the book, and then went silent. Perhaps the book is that unbearable.
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:39
The fact is, most liberals do not have the intelligence or comprehension to understand the point of Liberal Fascism, mostly because they are as fish swimming in the water of totalitariansim. No wonder you lightweights gave up so easily. You do not have the guts or the balls.
U.S.Army said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:40
Gaaaaarrrrryyyyyy. We neeeeeeed yooooooouuuuuuu.
saul said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:41
Shalom
saul said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:43
The truth is, most people in the military vote Republican, wehich is why liberals love when there are more deaths, not only to weakenn our resolve and surrender terrorists, but to eleiminate voters for the competition. You allare so stupid I think you went to state schools to get brainwashed.
Patkin said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:47
Better state school than home school, jerk.
Rishy said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:48
The truth is, most people in the military vote Republican, wehich is why liberals love when there are more deaths, not only to weakenn our resolve and surrender terrorists, but to eleiminate voters for the competition. You allare so stupid I think you went to state schools to get brainwashed.
Saulie? Buddy? Jus a lil hint–iffin ya gonna call somebody else sto0pid…it might help if you spell checked your insult first.
Just a thought
Pamela Geller Oshry said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:48
All you Jew haters, I was BREASTFED ON BLOOD!
Paui C said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:49
My favouritest thing ever, at least for today:
“War is a terrible thing - but far more terrible is to cease being human”
One of the ways that you can cease to be human, of course, is by dying. In a war.
psblo said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:50
Johnny is missing Jimmy is dead and George went crazy shooting
But blood is blood and red is red
And the army is still recruiting.
Let’s all go barmy, live off the Army
See the world we never saw
If we get feeling down we wander into town
And if the population should greet us with indignation
We’ll chop ‘em to bits because we like our hamburgers raw
–from Kurt Weill’s “Threepenny Opera”
Pamela Geller Oshry said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:50
Maybe you want to be Dhimmis, fine, vote for a liberal but NOT ME no Moo-slime is gonna make a dhimmi out of me, traitor lickspittle! You all hate Israel, why? Why do you take the Paliscum side? Hate spech, all you have
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:51
The fact is, you are just dumn.
FuriousGeorge said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:53
But look at it from this perspective - which is worse, dying in a war, or dying in some sort of zombie apocalypse and coming back as a zombie? From that point of view, war is motherfucking awesome. If I may be so bold, I am almost certain that this is the point that Mark Noonan was trying to make.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:56
Is there another word for ironic that can be used to describe that, a word that includes “stupid” “tacky” “clueless” and “laughing but also throwing up in my mouth a little” among its connotations?
I think bathos pretty much covers it.
As in “That was bathetic.”
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:57
Kurt Weill’s “Threepenny Opera”
Brecht’s also.
saul, the disco genie said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:59
SHAZAM!!!11!!!1!
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:00
The fact is, I fucked my fact. In the ear. And now it’s not moving.
saul, the disco genie said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:01
The truth is, I am the Genie of Sound, everybody get down, HOOAH!111!!!!
Principal Blackman said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:02
Well, he would’ve been in the Navy circa 1980-’84 or so, but the ‘trying to enlist after 9/11? thing has always seemed a little odd, since he doesn’t seem to have been afoul of the age requirement (there’s an age waiver for prior service)…
Also, there’s the fact that since he wrote his little chickenhawk bio, recruitment standards were relaxed and the maximum enlistment age was raised–high enough that one champing-at-the-bit-to-enlist Mark Noonan could’ve enlisted. So…did this war-loving warrior enlist?
Sadly, no!
Chlamydia Champagne said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:02
The truth is, I am the Genie of Sound, everybody get down, HOOAH!111!!!!
Dammit, what the hell is the name of that song?
Arthur Brown Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:07
The fact is, I am the god of hell fire, and I bring you
Fire, I’ll take you to burn
Fire, I’ll take you to learn
I’ll see you burn
Scott Stapp said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:11
Has anyone seen my boat?
Paui C said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:11
“which is worse, dying in a war, or dying in some sort of zombie apocalypse and coming back as a zombie?”
What are you, cracked? Clearly coming back as a zombie would be moo-cow fantasmal. Dare to dream!
Paui C said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:12
Chlamydia: Open Sesame by Kool and the Gang.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:13
Clearly coming back as a zombie would be moo-cow fantasmal.
It’s transhumanism but simultaneously more metal and less metal.
tigrismus said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:13
All you Jew haters, I was BREASTFED ON BLOOD!
Your poor mother.
Paui C said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:16
It’s transhumanism but simultaneously more metal and less metal.
More metal? CYBORG ZOMBIES. Why isn’t Noonan writing about that? So much for citizen journalism.
Chlamydia Champagne said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:22
Chlamydia: Open Sesame by Kool and the Gang.
Yes! I recall now. That song is so ridiculous, it’s awesome.
Dough-Hammer!!!! said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:27
You people just don’t get it! He’s fighting the war at home! Yeah, he COULD go fight them over there, but what sort of victory would it be if Liberals (who, I would remind you aren’t antiwar, just on the other side) where to triumph over the homeland? Not on his watch!
That’s why Noonan and Jason Mattera and Squishy Doughwad courageously allow others to have the glory of battle, hunting Orcs with a song in their hearts and steel in their hands! THIS IS SPARTA!!! Oh, they’d be there if they could, but not until the forces of the Dark Lord Barak Xerxes Hussein have been defeated here! It’s a sacrifice they make willingly, with a quiet nobility and steely determination! Hold the line boys! Cheetos at the ready! HUZZAH!
Mr. Noonan, with a single stoic, manful tear in my eye, I salute you.
MrWonderful said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:28
More proof, as if any were needed, that the Republican Party is the party of people who live in an imaginary world. Literally. Not “metaphorically” or “figuratively.”
Which would be…well, pathetic, but not monstrous, so long as it didn’t result in the suffering of those who don’t deserve to suffer. However…
Hugely said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:29
“Battle Born” is the NV state motto or related to the states history somehow. I didnt bother reading Noonan (this time!) but he could be referring to politics in NV, I wouldnt doubt it because there is a lot of political retardation there….
mix the rancher/”Western mentality”, the herd/momos (LDS), the rich CA fucks, and the general rural retard “I wanna be rich” repubs, plus the Pharisees and you have battle born politics that would probably give this asshat Noonan a place to perch and shit on the intertoobz…..
PeeJ said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:32
I’m struck by the contrast betwen Mark and the protagonist in one of my favorite books.
The fictional character’s mind can function perfectly.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:40
Hillary self-bashing video:
http://www.veracifier.com/episode/TPM_20080327
PeeJ said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:57
RB, she’s been telling the truth all along.
lesley said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:57
sadlyno’d be nuthin’ without these comment threads…hilarious!
pablo said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:59
Mel Brooks had aonversation as the 2000 year old man with Carl Reiner about how the songs got you “Over There.” His alternative song was “Let’s go out and lose an eye, let’s lose a foot. Let’s go to war and lose our brains.”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:07
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 1:40
Hillary self-bashing video:
http://www.veracifier.com/episode/TPM_20080327
Sniper Fi, Semper!
Hooray! said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:07
Not out of those silicone baggies, you weren’t.
Say, how often do you have to water them ‘plants?
FuriousGeorge said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:08
“which is worse, dying in a war, or dying in some sort of zombie apocalypse and coming back as a zombie?”
What are you, cracked? Clearly coming back as a zombie would be moo-cow fantasmal. Dare to dream!
I guess it depends on what sort of zombie apocalypse it is. If it’s a Dawn of the Dead, shambling hordes, being shot by drunken rednecks for sport sort of apocalypse, that would be unpleasant. But if it’s a Return of the Living Dead, body-parts-coming-to-life, feasting on delicious BRAINS!, naked Linnea Quigley sort of apocalypse, that would probably be pretty cool.
Hooray! said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:12
Kurt Weill’s “Threepenny Opera”
Brecht’s also.
But Blitzstein’s translation, unfortunately. I think Feingold’s is better and tougher. I’d quote if I had it handy…
BTW, the most recent Broadway revival? Yuck!
Catherine said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:13
He’s standing in front of a marquee that reads “Welcome to Fabulous LASAGNA.”
g said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:14
Wow, this thread filled up fast. I was hoping to get here before mikey did so I’d be in time for the righteous smack-down, but I missed it.
Thanks to whoever posted Wilfred Owen.
Other than that - words cannot describe my contempt for tools like Nooner.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:17
Hmmmmmmmmm
Lasagna!
Even better than Brussels sprouts.
pablo said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:23
Kurt Weills Threepenny Opera
Brechts also.
But Blitzstein?s translation, unfortunately. I think Feingold?s is better and tougher. I?d quote if I had it handy?
I’m not sure of the accuracy of the last line of the song, but that’s the way I heard it down in the orchestra pit.
Dick Chenney said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:27
“He left behind a crater, a wife, and my 13 month old father.”
So?
Krassen said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:33
“Except they all die afterwards, which is a cautionary note, I suppose, but who cares when Fame and Glory come calling?”
Correctamundo!
If you are dead you don’t care coz you are dead. The rest all say you are happy to have died for Fame and Glory, and you can’t really object coz, as pointed above, you are fucking DEAD!
Brilliant!
Snorghagen said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:38
I just now read Noonan’s war-is-glorious-again opus. Absolutely fucking magnificent! I love this guy.
…the key to a rational life is to keep joy as the lynchpin of one’s worldview, including rejoicing at our calamaties…
Forthrightly, let us go into battle - the serpent still must be crushed, and we must abide the terrible, swift sword.
…those genuine men and women of the past who… went into battle transformed by knowledge of glory…
I thought people stopped writing that kind of shit after the First Battle of the Marne - this is like finding some kind of prehistoric life-form.
I’m keeping this one.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:40
Mark spelled “catamites” wrong.
mikey said,
March 28, 2008 at 2:47
It’s kinda funny, that florid prose juxtaposed against visions of kids trying to hold their guts in, tiny old women shredded by miniguns, and little girls, sleeping peacefully in their hooch, never again to draw breath due to your bullets.
You kick your way into that hooch.
You never actually leave.
I’m still there, Mark. Every fucking night. You sure you want to join me?
mikey
Smut Clyde said,
March 28, 2008 at 3:09
the serpent still must be crushed
What does Noonan have against the ancient craft of home distillation? It’s like he’s descended from those buggeryfuck Excisemen.
Smut Clyde said,
March 28, 2008 at 3:11
Mark spelled “catamites” wrong.
He meant to write “including rejoicing at our calamari”.
There’s nothing wrong with seafood, but I don’t get quite so ecstatic about it.
Hysterical Woman said,
March 28, 2008 at 3:12
Scene: An Army Recruiting Office, sometime after 9/11. A man bashfully walks in.
Noonan: Ummm, hello, errr, I’d like to enlist.
Recruiter: Okay, how old are you?
Noonan: 35.
Recruiter: You are above the age requirement but we can take…
Noonan: Thanks bye. (leaves)
Christopher said,
March 28, 2008 at 3:24
Is Mark Noonan really Jesus’ General in disguise?
Because let’s face it, the only other option is that he’s a sociopath.
lobbey said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:28
This thread is moving too fast for this, but I loved ‘300′, if you treat it like a comedy. If Mel Brookes had directed, it would have been a classic. I particularly loved the leader of the Persians, looked like something out of 70’s gay porn novel (the Spatans looked like extras in an 80’s gay porn movie). Classically bad, in so many ways.
FuriousGeorge said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:35
That guy also played Paulo, as in the infamous Nikki and Paulo, so he’ll get twice the amount of punishment in hell.
Matt McMahon said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:52
Man, I just love that song!
No other song captures such Patriotism and love of God than that.
War is terrible, however it is also necessary to defend our Great Nation and our Judeo Christian way of life that the islamic fascists so despise.
All Americans and Europeans need to embrace our common Judeo-Christian Heritage in order to truly appreciate the struggle against Islam that we are in.
Thats right I didn’t say “radical Islam” I said Islam because the Islamic “religion” itself is barbaric and was founded by devils who spoke to a heathen false prophet.
Islam is the most violent, barbaric and warlike religion in the history of the world. They will not stop until we level their cities and the streets of Mecca, Damascus, Cairo and Baghdad are flowing red with blood.
Gabriel Ratchet said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:52
Yeah, it’s kinda like Frank Frazetta and Tom of Finland got married and gave birth to two hours of, like, totally bitchin’ 70s van art ….
Tom said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:53
War is only glorious when it is in the history books.
The Art of the Possible » Blog Archive » Mine Eyes Have Seen the Lightening of a Terrible Swift Insane Immorality said,
March 28, 2008 at 4:59
[…] a h/t to Gavin M. at Sadly, No!, I simply pass along obscene scribblings from the devout Catholic, “pro-life” Mark […]
Principal Blackman said,
March 28, 2008 at 5:10
the key to a rational life is to keep joy as the lynchpin of one’s worldview
This is particularly funny given that Noonan spends a lot of time railing against liberals for being too focused on pleasure.
Monkay said,
March 28, 2008 at 5:27
Only a fool or a fraud sentimentalizes the merciless reality of war
Which one of those is Dubya?
mikeinportc said,
March 28, 2008 at 5:33
Furious George, genius! Now that you mention it , I’m sure that’s what he meant. :)
The 300? The Spartans were the original facists. Their child-rearing methods make the Hitler Youth look like the #%$#%$@*&! Cub Scouts. All-in-all, a chickenhawkwingnut wet dream.
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:31
The fact is, none of you liberals have the guts or balls for the glory of war that our brave men do, and you mock their service, say its about imperialism, which it is not so shut up.
Glory ? Let me dig into the family history ……. Henry Ludington, Sybil Ludington? (look ‘em up) OK maybe . There is the matter of dead friends and neighbors , and the burned town . Civil War ? My uncle x a few greats, was tied spread eagle to a cannon wheel, as a prank. It rained, and with the uneven load, sank unevenly, tipped over , and he drowned . Glorious!
WWII ? My grandfather was a medic, and he came back . Other than that , I don’t know, because he could never bring himself to talk about it. Might have been part of the divorce . My mother bounced around between relatives for a few years, as Grandma had a hard time of it , until remarrying. Grandpa #2 ( the one I knew better) was at Omaha Beach, and later , one of the concentration camp towns . Mention of those facts, silence, and a drained, distant look were all I know of it. He couldn’t say any more, and that , only on 3 or 4 occasions . Must be it was too effing glorious.
Vietnam? My father was offered a bonus to re-up and ship out there, but thankfully , he declined . Some of his friends weren’t so lucky . The recently returned vets I knew as a kid, all seemed messed up.
Yeah Gary , soooooo glorious . Get a #$&$^%)n’ clue!
btw, me? The Coast Guard said thanks, but no thanks . (injuries)
lobbey said,
March 28, 2008 at 6:06
‘300′: I love the fact that even though it looks like one of the gayest movies ever, the Gary’s of our world just love it, whereas that other Spartan move, based on the Iliad (Troy) kind of escapes their comment. Perhaps because it is a refection of war and its futility, rather than a masturbatory festival. Either that, or the silly fucks just don’t understand it.
And gary, I can dig into my family history too, to find shell shocked relatives, young widows, and uncles that cant talk about anything between 1940 & 1945, but you don’t really give a shit. If war is as glorious as you think, then go volunteer, they have dropped the requirements now, so that conviction back in the 80’s wont stop you.,
Righteous Bubba said,
March 28, 2008 at 6:54
Thats right I didn’t say “radical Islam” I said Islam because the Islamic “religion” itself is barbaric and was founded by devils who spoke to a heathen false prophet.
For God’s sake pick a parody style and stick with it. Homer Simpson got quite a bit less funny when he was psychotic instead of just dumb.
Rishy said,
March 28, 2008 at 7:14
I must mention that the chest beating bravery of War Pig Noonan seems to have been completely flummoxed by a 5 foot tall soccer mom with a handful of quotes. Of course the quotes were all about the horrors of war from men who actually managed to break a lance. And I attempted to post them at his site in response to his war porn. Never got past the censor. (Not that I am surprised mind you)
baba durag said,
March 28, 2008 at 10:00
Hoy. Fuckin’ A, if that ain’t the twistiest, screwiest rationale evah.
Damn you, barbarians!
zebbidies spring said,
March 28, 2008 at 14:31
All Americans and Europeans need to embrace our common Judeo-Christian Heritage in order to truly appreciate the struggle against Islam that we are in.
Was there a Judeo-Christ who got crucified as well? Hadn’t heard of him.
PantherWill said,
March 28, 2008 at 14:46
“They will not stop until we level their cities and the streets of Mecca, Damascus, Cairo and Baghdad are flowing red with blood.”
The fuck you mean by “we” there, buddy?
birdseatbugs said,
March 28, 2008 at 15:21
Here’s your fucking “glory of war“, Nooners. I suppose it’s merely central to your point, though.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 28, 2008 at 16:05
So! Noonan! (thumps chest)
Do you say that you will fight ME, then?
(brandishes umbrella)
MrWonderful said,
March 28, 2008 at 17:25
lobbey–
Plus, in 300, after an entire first act of The Training of The Young Leader and His Inculcation With the Spartan Martial Ethos, he goes to the top of a mountain, and an hysterical teenage girl and four drooling oldsters shut down the entire Spartan military.
Carnacki said,
March 28, 2008 at 18:06
Gary Ruppert said,
March 28, 2008 at 0:51
The fact is, you are just dumn.
Classic.
another jim said,
March 28, 2008 at 20:33
Jesus Christ! That “bonus noonerism” is a genuine quite?
For fuck’s sake.
another jim said,
March 28, 2008 at 20:34
er, quote?
Preview is my friend…
dex said,
March 28, 2008 at 20:39
maybe mark could clone kahless.
war would thus be unshorn of glory, and honor would truly be restored for the high council.
Duros Hussein 62 said,
March 28, 2008 at 22:32
“300? sort of has the same plot to it as does “Hoosiers”, except without Gene Hackman and it’s not really about basketball.
Yes, but one teh hawtest doggie-style sex scenes in movie history!
Ok, way late to this party. Sorry.
Gloria Throckmorton said,
March 29, 2008 at 0:13
Here’s Siegfried Sassoon (World War I poet) on the glory of war and the likes of Mr. Noonan:
You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye
Who cheer when soldier lads march by,
Sneak home and pray you’ll never know
The hell where youth and laughter go
Smut Clyde said,
March 30, 2008 at 2:53
we remember that we are civilized - and thus, glory has returned to war.
“A little group of Ethiopian cavalry was blooming like a rose when my fragmentation bombs fell in their midst. It was great fun and you could hit them easily.”
Noonan is channelling Vittorio Mussolini.
coon cheese said,
May 8, 2008 at 7:20
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cooooooooooooooooooooooon
bega
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sdf hsdajklfvnda said,
May 8, 2008 at 7:22
chick-idy china the chinese chicken =)