23
Things to Make Your Easter Bright and Gay*
They must be letting Pastor Swank write the headlines over at Wingnut Daily, because only he could have come up with this masterful headline:
Milwaukee newspaper promotes homo-sex play on Good Friday
If it weren’t already Easter Sunday, that headline could provide the only real reason to hop on a plane for Milwaukee, particularly to see whether the paper is promoting a theatrical experience or, more promisingly, an orgy of homo-sex play. But, alas, it’s too late. And, alas again, it’s a play, it’s not gay, and its not on Good Friday.
It seems, when you read the story under the headline, that a Milwaukee radio crank show host, one Ingrid Schlueter, has mounted a church lady campaign against an advertisement in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Good Friday for an April performance of “Puppetry of the P----” billed as the “Res-erection Tour”
And, no, the editors of Wingnut Daily couldn’t bring themselves to print the word “penis.” But they could print the word “erection.” I guess that’s because they figure that most of their readers probably don’t have much first-hand experience with erections, judging from all the self-defense and weight loss ads that festoon the Wingnut Daily site.
And, as you probably already know, the “Puppetry of the P----” isn’t about the gay thing at all but simply about the silly ways two guys can fold their fla--id g-----ls into various shapes to make their l-mp s-x or--ns look like, you know, dachshunds or giraffes or trucks and stuff. Gay guys don’t really spend much time trying to make their w--lies look like wiener dogs, at least not in my experience.
But Ingrid is undeterred:
“It is apparently no longer safe to even open the local paper at home. The moral squalor in our culture worsens because few are prepared to take a public stand and risk abuse for doing so. We’re going to take a stand,” she said.
She described the ad as “homo-erotic” and condemned its apparent “mocking of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ,” especially on such a day as Good Friday.
Of course, the real mocking going on here is by Wingnut Daily which has put a popup ad link on “Resurrection of Jesus Christ” as shown in the unretouched image below.
So, if you need to find a deal on a cheap “resurrection of Jesus” just click through the link and let the resurrection experts help you find one.
“It’s clearly not what you would expect for a big city newspaper,” she told WND. “You’d expect this in a seedy, fringe newspaper found in a coffee shop.”
I really must be going to the wrong coffee shops.
Anyway, Ingrid told WND that, after finishing her protest against the Journal Sentinel, she plans to start a campaign to stop the use of the word Easter “Basket” because of its lewd, lascivious and homoerotic connotations. The correct term, according to Ingrid, is “Easter Straw Thingy.”
*Cf.
Me said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:27
I guess I must not know many synonyms for dick, since I couldn’t guess what half your redactions were.
Marsupial said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:31
Usually you have to go to eBay to find “great prices on resurrections of jesuses!”
Also, it couldn’t have been Swank who wrote the title — it didn’t say Homo Sex-Play Global.
billy pilgrim said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:33
Imagine the horror of htose of us who have to share a City with this abomination.
I mean, with someone named Ingrid Schlueter.
billy pilgrim said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:33
‘Those”
really, satan’s dirty underwear gets into EVERYTHING.
Me said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:35
she plans to start a campaign to stop the use of the word Easter “Basket”
How about that nasty bit with the cock crowing three times? That’s been a source of amusement to boys in church pews probably since the time of Constantine.
Jennifer said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:43
Now that I think about it, there’s a whole lot of nasty “in-untoing” going on teh Bible…who’s gonna protect our kids from the moral squalor in the church pews?
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:45
She described the ad as “homo-erotic” and condemned its apparent “mocking of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ,” especially on such a day as Good Friday.
Tune in tomorrow when Ingrid takes on the Muslim Extremists and their barbaric reaction to the Danish Comics….
mikey
Some Guy said,
March 23, 2008 at 18:57
“Easter Straw Thing”? ohhh, cliff, I never knew you were so.. kinky. Rawr.
Mikey, that’s different and you know it. Christians are white. Ragheads are brown. Duh.
Hysterical Woman said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:00
So, penises are homo-erotic?
Sniper said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:04
“You’d expect this in a seedy, fringe newspaper found in a coffee shop.”
Huh? Oh, I know what happened. Ingrid found a copy of The Onion left on a table somewhere and was shocked by the story about a girl who just couldn’t wait to have some more abortions.
Dick's Cheney said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:10
From Schlueter blog:
“I am a Christian wife, mother, radio show host and columnist. The negative news of the day is draining and discouraging. My blog is a chance to focus on the beautiful things in my life, beginning with the Lord and his grace. Welcome.”
A common thread that I find discouraging among the faithful and wingnut alike: the world is a terrible awful place, it’s only getting worse, life sucks. Her blog is positively depressing with the Christian Death Cult stuff.
Rejoice! It’s Easter Sunday! Christ is risen or a mythical bunny brought all kinds of cool chocolate eggs! Either way it’s spring and the sun is shining and surf’s up (here in California anyway).
Life is good!
SamFromUtah said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:16
Yes, yes, this is all very well. But what about the Easter denunciations by Jesus of Gay Bowel Syndrome?
gbear said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:34
You know, I’ve been having trouble with my Jesus lately. Maybe a bent rod or something, lots of smoke coming out the tailpipe. Those experts could be just who I need to see. Hope their prices are reasonable.
it’s spring and the sun is shining
The sun is trying to shine thru in between the snow showers here in the northland. It hasn’t really stopped snowing for 3 days here. Bah Humbug.
ManOnBlog said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:38
Can’t say “nest egg” anymore either:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089504/
“Birds live in a hollow stick, and you have things and eggs for breakfast!”
Legalize said,
March 23, 2008 at 19:57
Ext. City Street - Easter Morning
Friend: $3.45 for gas?! Jesus Christ!
Me: Exactly.
Tim (the Other One) said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:03
surf’s up (here in California anyway).
It is ?? Better check the web cam.
Blue Buddha said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:09
I thought Easter was when a bunny was crucified and Jesus laid colorful eggs… or something like that.
My favorite church outdoor board quote on Easter: “Jesus is reborn. Buddha is dead.” (I’m not making this up. I saw this several years ago in a suburb of Columbus, OH)
Snorghagen said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:09
Wait a minute. Is it morally squalid to twist your weenie into weird shapes, so long as you’re not deriving physical pleasure from the act? It could be construed as inflicting punishment or mockery upon an organ that is a fount of sin - penis penance, so to speak.
Maybe we should consult the resurrection experts.
Priscilla, Queen of the Beach said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:10
Hey, I saw that show in NYC several years ago. Silly, irreverent, funny, but definitely NOT teh gay. Not exactly a must-see or a Tony nominee but a diversion that was interesting, nonetheless. The original actors were very straight. These wingnnuts and their peni-phobia. Get over it already…..
Fozzetti said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:11
“Easter Straw Thingy”? Don’t you know “thingy” is the dirtiest word of all!
Shorter Typical Fundamentalist said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:27
Hi! I’m a moron!
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:31
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:35
lol mikey. Beavis and Butthead I remember from back in the days when I would turn on my TV more than once a week.
gbear said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:38
Gay guys don’t really spend much time trying to make their w–lies look like wiener dogs, at least not in my experience
I can honestly and sincerely say that it has not been a part of my experience.
I have run across some sites where guys have given their w–lies a bonsai-level treatment with wires, but when you’re at that level of an addiction to hardware, the issue of which sex you’re attempting to impress kind of flies out the window.
I usually just say ‘ewww’ and move on.
Silver Owl said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:41
LOL! I didn’t know that was even possible to do with a penis. I am freaking impressed.
Checking out their site they have cute man butts. They have some very attractive puppeteers.
I suppose WND readers will not be showing up for any auditions.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:50
Are you really surprized that she, and she alone, is prepared to “take a stand against the moral squalor” our our culture…by protesting an ad for “puppetry of the penis”. yeah, she’s a crusader against moral squalor (garage band name Morale Squalore” on a tight deadline and that was the best she could find to be outraged about in the newspaper.
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:52
My oldest sister had a boyfriend some years back who she claimed would on occasion dress his thingie up as his ex wife.
I have no idea if it’s true or not, but it’s really fun to say…
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:53
when you’re at that level of an addiction to hardware, the issue of which sex you’re attempting to impress kind of flies out the window.
Also Karl Rove’s dad something something something.
billy pilgrim said,
March 23, 2008 at 20:59
My ex wife used to dress up as my thingy….
Kathleen said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:12
I knew I was spending too much to resurrect Jesus! why didn’t Sadly No provide me with this information sooner!
Max Renn said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:14
And, no, the editors of Wingnut Daily couldn’t bring themselves to print the word “penis.” But they could print the word “erection.” I guess that’s because they figure that most of their readers probably don’t have much first-hand experience with erections, judging from all the self-defense and weight loss ads that festoon the Wingnut Daily site.
Ah, WND. First read of the day for Mall Ninjas everywhere!
Lesley said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:33
Let the wingnuts here of this story. They’re liable to explode.
Legalize said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:36
That story truly does capture the spirt of Xmas, Lesley. What? Oh, Easter I mean.
Gecko45™³²®© said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:41
Laugh all you want, lieberals. Without mall ninjas, none of you could shop safely!
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 21:54
Huh? What’d I do this time?
J— said,
March 23, 2008 at 22:41
I’ll have to check back with Schlueter in a couple of months see which ad that happens to run in the newspaper on Corpus Christi gets her outraged. My money is on the all you can take, eat promotion for the local h-t d-g stand.
luneylegume said,
March 23, 2008 at 22:41
To all the Mall Ninjas I have loved before
Who travelled in and out of my sights
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate these Arms
To all the Mall Ninjas I’ve saved before
To all the Mall Ninjas I dreamed caressing
And may I say I’ve dreamed the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the Mall Ninjas I’ve loved before
The winds of change are always blowing up
Rev. Dada Grind said,
March 23, 2008 at 22:53
A few verses from the Gospel of Mark are appropriate here;
14:51 A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him.
14:52 But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
March 23, 2008 at 23:21
So, penises are homo-erotic?
Only if someone, anyone at all, touches it. That’s why I use tongs to urinate.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
March 23, 2008 at 23:31
OK, sure, the ad is blasphemous (or sacrilegious or whatever), but so’s the ad for Big Lots
There are battles that are worth fighting, and there are battles where you say, “That’s not a battle.”
billy pilgrim said,
March 23, 2008 at 23:37
Shorter Ingrid Schlueter:
Penises. Hmpf.
owlbear1 said,
March 23, 2008 at 23:40
Was that one of those “Pop-up” ads?
I’ve been using Firefox for years now and only ever see an alert asking me if I want to allow the pop up.
I don’t ever recall anyone posting a screenshot of one so I didn’t realize until just now that I had never seen an actual “Pop-up” ad.
I’d clean out the cookie jar if I were you.
Arky The Islahomobamaist said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:04
“And I found it particularly ironic my lord, because I have a thingy shaped just like a turnip.”
Someone had to say it.
Let me get this straight (so to speak). According to this basket-case when a guy who touches his own penis is gay.
Wow. I guess Mr. Schuleter uses tongs when he takes a leak.
Or does he….?
D. Sidhe said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:07
This reminds me in an odd way of a discussion my partner and I had yesterday. Perusing the TV listings, we discovered that part of today on the Discovery Channel will be shown the usual The Real Virgin Mary and The Historical Jesus stuff that someone keeps trying to pass off as educational. But then it gets weird, because the heavily advertised six hour block they’ve been pushing for weeks is an update of their “Walking With Dinosaurs” focusing on new science. Leading up to that will be other shows involving evolution, dinosaurs, and megafauna, including a couple of programs on cloning, one called “Raising the Mammoth” and another called “Dinosaurs: Return to Life”.
My immediate thought was that the fundies would be outraged, not only are they doing evolution and dinos and cloning, but two programs have names that might be assumed by persons in an irrational state of godconcern to be deliberately provocative.
My partner, an atheist, stared at me blankly, and finally said, “Why would they care? It’s got nothing to do with the whole Easter thing, does it?”
True, and yet… It’s apparently the baseline state of members of the major religions that they just don’t *have* a mental string for “It’s not about me”.
Ingrid could have ignored the whole thing as being nothing to do with her… except that we all know everything is to do with her and her religion.
Arky The Islahomobamaist said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:15
Also Ingrid Schlueter = Cheer Rigid Slut
And that is central to my point.
pedestrian said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:21
CHEETO JESUS!!!
It’s an Easter miracle!
Some Guy said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:38
Way off topic. Apparently, they’re building a aircraft carrier, and naming it after Bush 41? What the fuck, yo? I know the brass is biased against, ya know, competent Presidents, but still, what the fuck?
gbear said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:47
Maybe they’re building it so they can blow it up? It wouldn’t be any worse a waste of money than what Bush has put them through, and it would be the most satisfying thing the military has done in 5 years.
gbear said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:54
Oops, that was 41, not 43. Bush 41 had a lot of clout with the military.
That Cheeto Jesus story is both the saddest and funniest story I’ve seen in a while. A friend of mine wanted to name his band ‘Baby Cheeses’. I still think it’s an excellent band name.
On Leong Merchant's Association said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:56
That’s why I use tongs to urinate.
And he’s not paying us nearly enough, the cheap bastard.
Smut Clyde said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:58
The correct term, according to Ingrid, is “Easter Straw Thingy.”
If she is referring to our yearly Wicker Man burning, I find the phrase extremely dismissive and disrespectful.
Blue Buddha said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:05
…and knowing is half the battle…
…
…
G. I. JOE!!!!
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:10
a wingnut reacts to criticism of his syntax (from a thread about an article on the Iraq war):
It’s a thing of beauty, ain’t it? Someday it will live in a museum.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:12
Poor wingnutz. Always being repressed.
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:13
he acknowledges he’s not as smart. the crazy coot.
J— said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:17
It looks to me like Cheeto Jesus is spilling his holy seed.
What is G&M?
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:24
Globe and Mail.
J— said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:24
And then there are battles in which beetles battle beetles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles…
J— said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:25
Thanks, Lesley.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:27
Senator Kyl on March 15:
“It’s a false political game that these folks are playing to turn attention away from the fact that it turns out that our effort in Iraq is working,” he says.
God Bless the Surge™!
At Least 51 Die in Attacks Across Iraq .
slippy hussein toad said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:39
Lindsey Graham jammed his foot in his mouth just today. It’s amazing. Pissing on our heads and calling it blessed rain. How stupid do they think we are?
pedestrian said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:42
That Cheeto Jesus story is both the saddest and funniest story I’ve seen in a while.
I thought the same. I have known a few youth pastors and it is generally a job that people slouch into. Something about this slovenly overweight fellow hearing the voice of God in his cheetos - it’s just begging for the Christopher Guest treatment.
Blue Buddha said,
March 24, 2008 at 1:48
Notice his pudginess and patented Neo-con Face Mullet™. This guy could easily pass as Jonah Goldberg’s long lost brother.
stryx said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:05
What’s especially funny to me is that I had a friend in high school who used the word ’schlueter’ as slang for his penis.
Here it is 20+ years later and it all ties back in.
Zuzu said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:12
Uhm, I guess Ingrid’s never heard the generic term “resurrection tour,” as in:
The Bauhaus Resurrection Tour
Blue Buddha said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:19
Sheesh… just when you thought Bela Legosi’s dead, they’re going to resurrect him.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:24
Oy, when you’re feeling mischievous, you can toy with people like that for hours:
But it would be wrong…
rascal900 said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:31
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sadly%2C+No%21
D. Sidhe said,
March 24, 2008 at 2:57
How stupid do they think we are?
Well, half of us *did* vote for Bush in 2004. So…
Notorious P.A.T. said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:06
CHEETO JESUS!!!
It’s an Easter miracle!
Wow, an ideology that would cause someone to do a thing like that surely has a lot to offer us all!
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:11
rascal, you gotta love how the wingnuts unwittingly stab themselves in the ass
the poor man seems puzzled by the cleverness and the irreverence. when he graduates from the 8th grade, he might get a clue.
Blue Buddha said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:14
Pssst… rascal900 wrote that urbandictionary entry.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:16
the poor man seems puzzled by the cleverness and the irreverence.
The Editors would like a word with you.
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:26
oh. :)
tensor said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:28
I knew I was spending too much to resurrect Jesus!
Especially when the price just keeps “rising”, year after year, for almost two millennia now…
Gary Ruppert said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:36
The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry.
Some Guy said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:49
Odin will not take lightly your blasphemy, Saul. Apollo is pretty pissed too. When was the last time you anointed His temple with offerings and oils? Huh?
Shiva said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:56
What am I, chopped liver?
mikey said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:03
The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry.</i?
The real question is so what? Why would you say this as if it’s bad?
Why should I care about who someone loves?
Why should that even matter?
mikey
mikey said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:06
Even you, asshole, have to admit this is a silly, uninspiring superstition. I can’t follow this any more than I can build my life around Rocky and Bullwinkle. Aren’t you ever a little embarrassed?
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:07
Chris St. James said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:45
Why do you liberals keep mocking the Holy Son of God?
I know you are a parody troll. But I’m taking this opportunity to point out that the MSM has gone into the tank for right wing, yet again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOdlnzkeoyQ
Now I realize some believe in the FSM. Just don’t believe in Faux, CBS, NBC, ABC, the NYT, the WaPo, and of course Drudge, who rules them all and in the darkness binds them.
Some Guy said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:08
Dude, I’d worship Moose and Squirrel. Alley-OOP!
mikey said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:19
He’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Well, that’s just sad.
I’m not sure what’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but it might be a tie between LSD and Cynthia Birk…
mikey
Some Guy said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:20
Chocolate eclaires are the best thing that ever happened to me. Goddamn, so poofy and chocolately and creamy. I got some drizzled with some mocha glaze things. Effing heaven in an eight pack. I’d kill for it. I would.
Jennifer said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:26
Whoo-hoo, good for you dood…your savior on a stick has saved you from something that doesn’t exist!!!ELEVENTY11!!!
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:28
How stupid do they think we are?
Whatchoo mean, “we”, monkey boy?
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:30
Gary wants liberals to support Ruppetry.
I love me some Bullwinkle. He’s one cute moose.
Bullwinkle said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:32
Watch me pull a Rupert out of an Ass!
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:33
He’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Dang, wish I could find that icon with Jesus pushing the kid’s face into the divine crotch.
Alas, I never found out the divine crotch was, as rumored, overrun with crotch crickets.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:34
Chris St. James, one has to wonder if God has saved you and all, and its the best thing that ever happened to you, why you’re coming round a liberal snark bog??
Don’t you have something better to do? Aren’t you spending time in prayer with your family on Easter? doesn’t your faith demand that you do something other than go harangue people who don’t give a shit about what you’re saying?
What kind of sick fuck are you, anyway?
His Grace said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:36
Yup. T’is true. But for compensation they named a Seawolf after Jimmy Carter… One wonders what a wingnut would do with such knowledge…
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:36
Is this Gary 2.1? You need to go back and rework a boatload of code, son. An absolte boatload.
billy pilgrim said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:37
Ruppetry of the Penis….
oh man, I can’t even contemplate it any further than that.
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:39
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2jcBcESa7o
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:50
Alas, I never found out whether the divine crotch…
I blame the gin.
billy pilgrim said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:51
yeah, mikey, I’m with you.
The people for whom Jebus-idolatry has supplanted their own desires and betterment are just sad.
But worse, when they take it to it’s conclusion as the fundies do, it becomes a foundation for hate and discrimination, rather than the ostensible love and tolerance they advertise….
All in all, they’d be better off twisting dicks into puppy dogs.
sxwarren said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:51
Best thing that ever happened to me?
Gotta be, in my late 30s, getting asked, semi-sarcastically, by my 29-year-old superjock cousin to be his training partner for his bid to run in the Boston Marathon simply because I’d run Cross Country in high school (even though I’d smoked three packs a day for about 15 years in between). He ended up dropping out about a month before the race (plantar fasciitis). I kept training, ran and finished. And kept on running. By the time I finally blew out a knee at age 42, I was turning 3:12-and-change for the marathon, 4:30 in the mile, sub-60 quarter miles (burning most of the local HS track team, heh), had a body fat percentage under 10 and a resting heart rate around 40bpm. Fifteen years later, I’m back to smoking and I still limp during rainy weather, but it was worth it.
mndean said,
March 24, 2008 at 4:59
Ah, but it was the great Edward Everett Horton who narrated the show.
Some Guy said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:12
Hmmm… I guess a Seawolf is decent enough. I’d totally support a commissioning of a new battleship if they named it after James Garfield. That’s be awesome. OH! And Martin van Buren. Rutherford B. Hayes. That’s be frakkin’ sweet.
Jennifer said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:12
Actually, human beings are the best argument against the existence of god.
Because, I mean, seriously, if you’re a supreme being and this is the best you can come up with, dude, you’re pretty damn lame. And this goes double if you actually made us in your image, because that means you’re as pitifully fucked up as we are. And lame and pitifully fucked up is no way for a supreme being to go through eternity.
Smut Clyde said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:15
Apollo is pretty pissed too. When was the last time you anointed His temple with offerings and oils? Huh?
The Frau Doktorin was not entirely convinced by my explanation that my body is a temple — or more specifically, that part of my body is a temple to Apollo — and that’s why she caught me anointing it with oils.
billy pilgrim said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:16
Maybe they could name the new carrier after Bullwinkle.
Lesley said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:28
Because, I mean, seriously, if you’re a supreme being and this is the best you can come up with, dude, you’re pretty damn lame.
and to think he made man in his image. what a fool!
what God would wanna look like Ace, Jonah Goldberg or Mickey Kaus?
D. Sidhe said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:29
The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry.
Guilty as charged. And pretty damned pleased about it.
At the risk of being nauseating, my gods are not the best thing that ever happened to me. My partner is.
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:30
Ah, but it was the great Edward Everett Horton who narrated the show.
Ahhh, thanks for the memory. I saw some film he was in from the early 30’s and the best line was, as I recall, in his wimpy voice, “I’m on the verge of disliking you.”
Quick googleizing only turns up some Spanky shit. That aint it, kid. That aint it.
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 5:32
In the mean time, it’s very interesting what a google image search for “jesus blow job” does turn up. What’s with all the GWB?
Jennifer said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:00
I’m surprised no one has mentioned it, but the guys in this act could certainly use and would probably welcome a giant bag of dicks.
Smut Clyde said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:01
the greatest thing that ever happened to me ?
Hearing an operatic performance of the Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus. Eventually I woke up and realised that it was only a dream (following on from a heavy night with the akvavit), but it was great while it lasted.
Tim (the Other One) said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:05
I’m totally into the Mall Ninja thingy now.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:07
The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry.
As a licensed fagotrist I can’t understand why the profession gets so much grief.
mikeinportc said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:36
Ingrid ’s right . First the gay-liberal,The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry fagotry-supporting Constitution won’t let us stone the homos* , now this. :=(
She described the ad as “homo-erotic” .
Uh, Ingrid, dear,….how exactly do you know it’s erotic ? Did you get that special “tingly” feeling ? Assume that the “homo” = like you?
The fact is, liberals are gay and support fagotry
Well ,..duh! That’s where the money is.Don’t know about you Gary , but my licensed fagotrist customers have more than avg disposable income, and the business of America is business. :)
* The domestic Sheik Omar that brings us Wingnut Daily would like to bring about “Christian” sharia , and execute all the homosexuals and adulterers. Of course, he’d do it with a smile, in a loving way, so it’d be OK . :)
mikeinportc said,
March 24, 2008 at 6:37
Damn double click!
Ingrid ’s right . First the gay-liberal, fagotry-supporting Constitution won’t let us stone the homos* , now this.
Smut Clyde said,
March 24, 2008 at 7:06
I leaped to the conclusion that “support fagotry” was some sort of treatment for varicose veins, similar to support hosiery. If I’m wrong, don’t correct me; I prefer to remain blissful and ignorant.
Lawnguylander said,
March 24, 2008 at 7:48
Cheeto Jesus looks like a hippie to me so figured he must have come in peace.
Sadly, No! “Not this time motherfuckers!”
I found that when I went through the video frame by frame to see if He embedded any Secret Messages for me. Obviously He did and just as obvious, the reaction of people like Instapunk to Obama’s race speech was the last straw and He Fucking Snapped. He’s going from mom’s basement to mom’s basement right now and all of us will have a lot less people to make fun of within a few days. Yeah, Cheeto Jesus works fast. Shit, I miss those crazy fucks already. I wonder how many of them will try to throw their laptops at him in self defense.
I’m sure others will convince themselves that Cheeto Jesus is here to take out the Obamaniacs or the Clintonistas or both so they can have some peace and quiet on the internets already fer chrissakes but those heretics better be careful lest He looseth His Fateful Lightning in their direction next. There’s no telling who He might be pissed off at and no matter what Matthew said you can’t flee from His Wrath so don’t even try. Just keep a low profile until He calms down and we’ll regroup in a couple of days.
josefina said,
March 24, 2008 at 7:55
Okay, here’s a test to see if anyone is still reading anything other than their own comments:
You know how newspapers tend to have contracted names, like the Minneapolis Star Tribune becomes the Strib or the Detroit Free Press becomes the Freep? One of my exes was from Milwaukee and he always referred to his hometown paper as the Genital.
I didn’t go out with him for that long, okay?
Snowwy said,
March 24, 2008 at 9:03
What the hell newspaper was that, josefina? Spill, I want to buy a copy at the super newsstand downtown,
owlbear1 said,
March 24, 2008 at 10:58
One of Milwaukee’s papers is known as “Journal Sentinel”.
Betting that one.
Sagra said,
March 24, 2008 at 15:15
OooooOOOoooh — I’m tellin’! You said th***y!
tigrismus said,
March 24, 2008 at 15:50
Legalize said…
Ext. City Street - Easter Morning
Friend: $3.45 for gas?! Jesus Christ!
Me: Exactly.
Gas prices have risen! They have risen indeed!
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 16:01
Did Cheeto Jesus come back in the Red Hot form? or is it heresy to suggest such a thing?
Flying Fox said,
March 24, 2008 at 16:02
In Exodus god admits to having jealousy issues. Pretty similar to us mere mortals. And not in a good way. As my roomate said this morning after seeing a forecast for snow:
“It’s like we live someone’s horrible Black and White game.”
Cheeto Jesus™³²®© said,
March 24, 2008 at 16:16
You won’t believe the fateful lightning that’s coming down on your heads if we don’t see a new post soon.
pedestrian said,
March 24, 2008 at 17:15
The nicest gods are the fertility gods. It’s all in how you show your devotion. You want benevolence, you have feasts and orgies*; you want wrath and vengeance, you pour out the blood of the heathens. Seems pretty simple if you ask me.
*The downside is, we may have to sacrifice a few virgins. But hey, more reason not to be a virgin, eh? Am I right? *winks and elbows*
billy pilgrim said,
March 24, 2008 at 17:42
Actually the full name of the paper since the merger and the resulting rightward lurch is “Urinal-Genital”
THAT should give Ingrid the vapors.
billy pilgrim said,
March 24, 2008 at 17:43
Owlbear, we only HAVE one paper in Milwaukee.
The merged the Journal and the sentinel several years ago, so all the wingnutty editorials could be gathered in one place.
Arky "I Just Get These Headaches" The Blasphemer said,
March 24, 2008 at 17:55
“Undead.”
BTW, a pox on you for getting me all excited about the rise of the return of the living Bauhaus. [Sulks]
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:34
It is ironic that the homosexual community claims Christians ‘hate’ them, yet their blogs are filled with sarcasm, hate, and smugness. I lived a homosexual life {I prefer to call it what it is, not ‘gay’, but homosexual} and by God’s grace and the blood of Christ, I have repented {turned away}, and been saved. The bible speaks out against sexual immorality, in this case homosexuality, it is a sin against God {1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 1 Timothy 1:10, Romans 1:26-27, Leviticus 18:22}. Those who live this way need to know God will judge their sin, and all sin. If you choose to live in denial, that doesn’t change the fact you will still be held accountable. Those in the homosexual community need to quit ‘hating’ Christians, we are trying to save your souls with God’s truth. I know firsthand the hell of living a lifestyle that tormented me inside daily. For the sake of your eternal destiny, open His word and read the aforementioned scriptures, and humble yourselves before a Mighty God, confessing and repenting, and believe the gospel!!
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:40
Whoa, where’d this one come from?
Meanwhile - laurie, honey, if it’s such torment, why do you come here? Matter of fact, how do you know so much about Teh Gay Blogs?
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:42
The bible speaks out against sexual immorality
Also against eating bacon. Case closed.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:45
g; I use every means possible to witness to the lost. God loves all sinners, but He will also judge those who reject His Son. BTW, I have enough respect for you not to call you pet names, but instead, to pray for you.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:48
I have enough respect for you not to call you pet names, but instead, to pray for you.
Wow, you have enough respect to do NOTHING.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:50
I use every means possible to witness to the lost.
Well, I guess that’s one way to justify it. Wink Wink.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:51
Righteous, you are speaking of the old covenant laws for the Israelites, Christ is the new covenant. Too many pick out a verse here or there, without fully understanding what it means, to attack God and His word. Again, we are all sinners, Romans 3:23 says so. Sin separates from God. You will die one day, we all will. Without Christ, you will face God’s wrath because of sin. His word commands us to repent, and believe in His Son, Jesus Christ. He emptied out His blood on a cross, and was raised from the dead. All who repent and believe will be given eternal life. I would ask you to think about what will happen to you when you die…without Christ you have no hope.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 18:53
Righteous, you are speaking of the old covenant laws for the Israelites
It was you who quoted Leviticus dumbass.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:01
My point is proven from my first post concerning name-calling, but they attacked Christ as well, so I am not surprised. Leviticus 18:22 is a moral law, eating is not. God’s moral laws still stand. “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman, this is detestable”. ..this speaks out against homosexuality. Those who hear God’s truth and reject it stand condemned, but those who hear and repent and believe in Jesus Christ will be given eternal life. This includes everyone, not just homosexuals, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God - Romans 3:23. That means you Righteous, and you g. and me too. The difference between me and you is God’s grace. He has humbled me and saved me, and He will do the same for you. I am not here to fight with you, but to ask you to think about what will happen to you one day, maybe today, when you die. 150,000 people die each day, and one day, you will be included in those numbers. Do you fear death? I used to, because I knew I would be in trouble when I died. Praise God, that isn’t the case today. You can have assurance of eternal life by confessing to God your sins, turning away from them, and trusting in Jesus Christ. ‘Today, if you hear His voice {His word}, do not harden your hearts’.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:04
My point is proven from my first post concerning name-calling, but they attacked Christ as well, so I am not surprised. Leviticus 18:22 is a moral law, eating is not.
You compare yourself to Christ. Pride goeth before a fall and I see you leaving for the gay bar TONIGHT.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:09
She calls it “witnessing.” Uh huh.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:11
Righteous, This is from Christ, “Remember the word that I said to you, a servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you” - from John 15:20. I am a servant of Christ and will suffer persecution because of it. Again, what would happen to you if you died tonight? You do not know when you will leave this world, but it is 100% certain you have a time of departure. Think about this, please.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:16
I am a servant of Christ and will suffer persecution because of it.
Welcome shitbag!
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:17
g. why do you doubt God’s word? It is by His word that you will be judged. I have given you the truth, if you reject it, then you stand condemned. Think about your own physical death, it will come. You do not know when it will come, but it is certain. When you draw your last breath, then you step into eternity. Without Christ, it is an eternity filled with everlasting torment, pain, and agony. With Him, it is joy, peace, happiness, freedom from the bondage to sin, and an eternity in His presence. May God open your heart to hear what His word says.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:22
“And as it is appointed for man to die once, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” Hebrews 4:13
There is no escaping physical death and judgment for those who cling to sin…this life is as good as it will ever get for you, this will be all the reward you will ever receive…
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:24
I have given you the truth, if you reject it, then you stand condemned
What utter arrogance, to annoint yourself as the only delivery method available!
SomeNYGuy said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:27
I found a Cheetoh that looks like Chris Mathews.
But, come to think of it, all Cheetohs look like Chris Mathews.
Hoosier X said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:28
I have read the entire Bible, every word. And if it really is “God’s word,” then he is a moron. I want nothing to do with that steaming heap. I’ll take my chances without YHVH’s protection.
Religion is for the weak and feeble-minded.
(Sorry I’m not being politically correct. I know how important political correctness is to Cafeteria Christians … when it suits them.)
Cafeteria Christian said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:30
HOOSIER X IS PERSECUTING ME!!!!
THIS IS AS BAD AS ANYTHING CHRIST EVER WENT THROUGH!!!
AAAAAAAGGGHH!
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:33
G, quite the contrary, God’s word is the basis of judgment. His word says, “Enter by the NARROW GATE, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it” Matthew 7:13. The way is narrow because people refuse to humble themselves before a Mighty God and repent of all their sins. They refuse to deny self, pick up their cross, and follow Christ. It is an exclusive way, because of our own pride and arrogance, and our love of sin. Christ is the narrow gate, but we must come to Him stripped of our pride, our love of sin, and allow Him to teach and show us His way. Too many refuse to bow the knee to the Lord Jesus Christ, and because they refuse, they stand condemned, according to His word. Notice the verse, ‘there are MANY who go in by it’, not my words, but Christ’s.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:35
Wouldn’t laurie b make a perfect beard for Lindsay Graham?
I did say bride, right? I didn’t slip and say beard, did I? Bride, yes, that’s what I meant.
And I think it’s perfectly fair and moral that all gays should convert to heterosexuality now that laurie b has had her full share of pussy.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:36
laurie b, you seem to be mistaking yourself for God.
Doodle Bean said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:39
Turn it sideways, and that Cheeto Jesus looks like a dog. What exactly is the “Youth Minister” trying to pull on us!??!?!?!?!?!!
God said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:39
Judge not, lest ye be judged.
God said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:40
Vengeance is MINE.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:40
G. I don’t see how quoting His word compares to thinking I am God, but you are under conviction by the Holy Spirit, and you are lashing out the only way you know how. Read His word for yourself, you will see as you read, it is His word that cuts to the heart and gets people ’stirred’.
God said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:40
MINE, MINE, MINE.
Hoosier X said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:44
I have read the Bible.
What little respect I had for the faithful vanished by the time I had read the entire Old Testament.
Huge chunks of it aren’t even good as literature.
Psalms? I never saw so much whining.
If there is a God, I am sure he is saddened that so many people waste so much time with this silly book.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:45
be careful when trying to quote scripture, Deuteronomy 4:2, “You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take away from it” also Proverbs 30:6, “Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you, and you be found a liar”. Even twisting scripture is a sin.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:48
hoosier, we cannot understand His word apart from His granting us that understanding. Luke 24:45, “And He opened their understanding that they might comprehend the scriptures”.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:48
See there Hoosier? there’s only one person who’s got the scripture thing down, and that’s laurie b.!
Seriously, folks, this little troll is starting to get old. Bye.
Can Cheeto give us another new thread?
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:50
hoosier, we cannot understand His word apart from His granting us that understanding.
Then shut the hell up.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:58
laurie you little crotch cricket, get back inside here. Now. You can’t live out there - knowledge and reason are worse to than RID.
Dr. Herbert West said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:02
FTA: “So, if you need to find a deal on a cheap ‘resurrection of Jesus’ just click through the link and let the resurrection experts help you find one.”
I’m disappointed to see that the money I’m spending on Internet marketing isn’t generating page views, only flame wars.
Allow me to take this opportunity to inform the readers of “Sadly, No!” that we are currently offering an Easter Special with our lowest prices of the year! 12-month finance plans available! No credit? — No problem!
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Hoosier X said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:18
My conception of God is not someone who is going to condemn Cafeteria Christians for their ignorance.
It just makes him sad.
But, strangely enough, that conception never caught on because it wasn’t profitable to the church hierarchy.
Cafeteria Christian said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:24
You don’t understand, Hoosier.
Weak-minded, morally vacuous, soulless people like me can’t even begin to live good lives without the fear of condemnation and Hellfire. And because we are so hopeless and cowardly, we are also envious of people with the strength to live without the reassurance of a Bearded Daddy in the Sky who tells us what to do.
We really have no choice but to be annoying and self-righteous.
The most important commandment to people like me is the unwritten one: That shalt not mind thine own business.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:24
I praise you Father that I have been counted worthy to suffer persecution for the sake of Christ, my redeemer!! Hallelujah!! I rejoice in the Risen Lord, and will spend all of eternity is His presence!! AMEN!!
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:25
SomeNYGuy said,
March 24, 2008 at 19:27
I found a Cheetoh that looks like Chris Mathews.
But, come to think of it, all Cheetohs look like Chris Mathews.
I choked on my coffee when I read this. But you know, it’s true! It’s true! OMG does this mean we have to worship Tweety’s great yellow head? Say it ain’t so!
laurie, you really need to free yourself from that superstitous claptrap. There is no god, there are no gods. There is not one shred of evidence to support the existence of anything like a soul. If you let go of this nonsense and embrace who you are, love who you love, and stop worrying about sinning in the eyes of some imaginary sky fairy you will have a reasonable chance to be happy. You won’t feel unreasoning guilt over something you shouldn’t feel any guilt about. Such a relief not to try to conform to craziness. The reason you witness is that if you can convince someone else, it reinforces your own faulty logic. Let it go. Look around you. The world as it exists is filled with amazing beauty. It’s also filled with terror and sadness, but if you get realistic you can take concrete steps to make things better. Prayer won’t do anything. It doesn’t do anything. It’s no different than thinking, “I wish I had a peanut.” It’s just silly.
the bible is just a book. A book that’s been through a gazillion translations and a fuckload of revision. A book written by a bunch of superstitious goat and sheep herders who believed the earth was flat. If I could find a time machine and go back, like Twain’s Connecticut Yankee (not to be confused with that ignorant goat herder Confed Yankee) I could show them some miracles that would probably result in my ass beling worshiped today. Not that that would be a bad thing. My worshipers would have a fun old time in my temple, l assure you! ;-).
Wine and song, baby, wine and song. Come into the light laurie. it won’t hurt a bit.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:26
Naturally! After all, “god” is “dog” spelled sideways.
Sniper said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:30
I rejoice in the Risen Lord, and will spend all of eternity is His presence!! AMEN!!
I do believe that “Amen” is Laurie’s safe word. We can stop, um, persecuting her now until she feels the need for more.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:37
praise you Father that I have been counted worthy to suffer persecution for the sake of Christ, my redeemer!!
Christ was crucified. St. Sebatien was shot through with arrows. St. Agnes was raped. St. Barbara had her head cut off.
laurie b. had people laugh at her.
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:46
Disclaimer: I’m even more pissed about this religious/superstitious bullshit now that usual. My partner’s poor old dad, a Jehovah’s Witness, raised on a reservation, little to no formal education, recently was diagnosed with cancer. It’s a killer if not treated, while if caught early and treated it’s easy to cure. Well, he doesn’t trust doctors at all. He gets all this quackery in the mail, things with headlines like, “What your doctor won’t tell you.” “What scientists don’t want you to know.” He also might need blood during the surgery he absolutely must have so he can live, so he won’t even consider it. How is he treating the cancer? He’s putting aloe vera on it and praying. He’ll be dead in six months at this rate. A really nice, generous old man is going to die because of ignorance and religious superstition. It makes me furious.
Hoosier X said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:50
It’s worse than just being laughed at.
laurie b. came to this site and started the conversation. She is the active agent of the ridicule directed at her. And she calls it persecution.
Little Miss Martyr.
If I were a Christian, I would be so embarrassed that I was in the same group as someone like her, that I would leave.
(Which is kind of what happened, come to think of it.)
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:59
No thanks candy, what I have comes from above, what you offer comes from the pit of hell. This life will be all you have to look forward to without repentance and believing in the gospel. Just because you deny God doesn’t nullify His existence, it just keeps you under Satan’s thumb and means you will face the judgment of God for your unbelief. “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” The words of JESUS CHRIST from John 3:19,20.
“He who believes in the Son has everlasting life, and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the WRATH OF GOD ABIDES ON HIM” the words of the Lord Jesus Christ from John 3:36. Jesus spoke these words in John 8:43, “Why do you not understand my speech? Because you are not able to listen to my word. 44-You are of your father, the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. 47- He who is of God hears God’s words; therefore you do not hear, because you are not of God”. “The whole world lies under the sway of the Wicked One” 1 John 5:19. We are all in bondage to sin until God pours out His grace {The words of Christ from John 8:34, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin”}; all must repent, {Luke 13:3 -”But unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” -the words of Jesus Christ}, and be born again {John 3:3 , Most assuredly I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” - the words of Jesus Christ} and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. “There is NONE righteous, no not one, there is none who understands, there is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside, they have together become unprofitable, there is none who does good, no not one” Romans 3: 10_12. FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY Of GOD- Romans 3:23
“But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart, you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God who will render to each one according to his deeds” - Romans 2:5,6
mikey said,
March 24, 2008 at 20:59
God Dammit, is there ANYTHING more boring than a religious nutjob?
Once you realize that all superstitious claptrap is the same, you realize that the most popular versions are by far the crappiest. There are some fun little supernatural beliefs that do a much more entertaining job of explaining the universal mysteries…
mikey
mikey said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:01
Umm, sorry, bad timing for a visit.
I’ll, uh, just be going now.
I’ll come back by for coffee when you get the fundy lunatics out of the drawing room.
They’re a little freaky for me to deal with…
mikey
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:02
God Dammit, is there ANYTHING more boring than a religious nutjob?
I can handle that one mikey. No.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:05
She’s like Piper Laurie in “Carrie.” she’s even got the flannel nightgown.
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:06
Seriously, laurieb, you need competent mental health assistance. I’m not saying that to be mean. Religion practiced with that degree of desperation is mania. Religious mania is, in fact, a form or manifestation of mental illness. I know it won’t help to say this, but I really do wish I could help you. It’s terrible to see a human being suffering so, for no good reason. I can’t be angry.
You see, I know there’s no hell. Quoting scripture at me from a book I have no faith in and ranting and raving about hell have no effect on me. It’s never gonna work. I’m a proud member of the reality-based community.
Thorlac said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:09
You’re not going to change any minds here, laurie, so skedaddle. It isn’t the message as much as the delivery. Well, it’s the message, too, actually.
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:10
Yeah, and what Thorlac said.
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:13
BTW, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have many errors in their teachings. For example, their New World Translation says, “The word was a god” -John 1:1 What the bible actually says is this, “The word was with God and the Word was God” They believe that Jehovah is the only true name for God, but this was never used in the original manuscripts; Jehovah is a combination of the consonants Y.H.V.H. and vowels from the name ‘Adonai’, which translates-the Lord-thus Jehovah. They also deny the deity of Christ by distorting terms such as ‘only begotten’, ‘firstborn’, and ‘Son of God’. They claim Christ was raised from the dead as a spirit, not bodily. This is in contrast to John 20:27, -Then He said to Thomas, “Reach your finger here, and look at my hands, and reach your hand here, and put it to my side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing” And Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” …Jehovah Witness is a false religion.
foreigner said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:14
Fuck. I really don’t want to comment here, so I’ll just quote a much-admired philosopher:
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:18
Candy, I assure you, when you draw your last breath, you will believe there is a hell. However, at that point, it is too late. How sad for you to cling to sin and reject the Lord Jesus Christ. Everyone will face death, we do not know when our hearts will stop beating or when that last breath will be drawn…but it will come to all. If you are comfortable with dying and facing judgment, then so be it.
D. Sidhe said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:20
I’m just infuriated by people who waste their lives scorning love because their religion tells them they have to be miserable about it–so they are. Mutual love is not so common a thing that we should refuse it when it comes. A philosophy or a god who tells you to do so is making humanity a darker, not a brighter, place. A philosophy like that is sadism. A god like that is evil.
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:20
Lauire, it’s all bullshit. All of it. That’s my point. I don’t give a rat’s ass what they say or what you say. Get it?
One thing I’ll say for my partner’s old man, he’s never, ever once tried to convert me. He once asked me if I’d ever read any of their tracts, I said I wasn’t interested, and he left me alone. (I know he’s atypical of Witnesses in that regard. I think his Hispanic and Native American cultural background is to thank for that, and I’m really, really, really glad.)
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:24
Candy, I understand, I never wanted to be confronted when I lived a homosexual life either. I didn’t want to hear anything about God, or Christ. I am thankful that has changed, by His grace I am saved. I wish you well, and will be praying for you, and your partner’s dad. God bless..
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:26
Um laurieb, so you won’t labor under false assumptions, I’m not gay. My partner is a man.
D.Sidhe, beautifully stated as usual.
tigrismus said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:28
“The word was a god” -John 1:1 What the bible actually says is this, “The word was with God and the Word was God”
What the Bible actually says is in Greek, which you don’t obviously know or you’d know either is a valid translation of that verse. The Bible also never says punishment for finite sins or unbelief will be eternal, either in Greek or Hebrew-you can thank Augustine for that mistranslation.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:30
Can’t find linkie…
Christianity: The beieif that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present because a rib-woman was convinved by a talking snake to eat a magic apple.
Candy said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:30
Don’t waste your time praying. Get your ass down to a clinic and volunteer. Go feed the homeless. Do something worthwhile. Leftist Catholics, for example, protest the war, feed and house the poor, lead immunization programs in poor countries, minister to the sick, protest torture, and do lots of good work. So do other religious groups. Doesn’t make their superstition any less silly, but at least they are doing good with it. Why do I suspect that you belong to one of the cults that only wants to rake the promises of heaven to themselves and fling the curses to their neighbors, to misquote Emily Bronte?
laurie b said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:31
Candy, it doesn’t matter, sex outside of marriage is a sin {assuming you aren’t married, if you are, great - however, your unbelief is sin too}. Because your partner’s dad never shared the J. W. version of Christ simply means he never cared enough about your eternal destination to bother telling you. Born again believers proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ so others may be saved, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” Romans 10:17.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:32
I never wanted to be confronted when I lived a homosexual life either.
It’s pretty obvious that God needs some sort of intervention, having forced himself through a peasant’s vagina and then lived as a pooping infant. That guy’s a sicko.
PeeJ said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:35
Yo laurie! So you won’t labor under false assumptions, I’m gay. My partner is a man. And so am I. And I’m really quite happy about it. (One of the things that makes us happy is our marriage has lasted longer - 19 years this June - - than most of our siblings marriages (whether their first, second…)
Anyway, I just want to say: Haul yer self-loathing dyke ass away from here before you make me puke.
g said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:36
What the Bible actually says is in Greek,
And, further, the Bible is a collection of fragments of writings that were adopted together by happenstance, or by political decisions to include This and exclude That based on who wrote or who chose it, or whether the parchment was torn, burned, lost or illegible. What’s come to us as the Bible is no more representative of God’s Word than a collection of discarded newspaper trapped by the wind on a chain link fence would be representative of the history of the Iraq War.
Hoosier X said,
March 24, 2008 at 21:36
I think laurie b. is using King James, the one that God was most directly involved in. I mean the other “Word of God”’s before that, he was just inspiring in a general manner. But then when he decided that America would be his chosen country, and that they would speak English, he whispered directly his intentions to King James and all the king’s scribes, and mad