22
Canadian Corner
The boys at RedState today introduce us to Mark Milke of the Calgary Herald, who provides a fine type-specimen of the wingnut paleolith, lying-with-statistics:
Viva Castro’s departure
Cuba in 2008 should be the Hong Kong or Singapore of Latin AmericaIn 1958, the year before Fidel Castro came to power in a revolution and promised prosperity, democracy and the restoration of Cuba’s 1940 constitution, the Caribbean island, while troubled by poverty, a corrupt dictator and the American Mafia, was also better off than most developing nations.
While poor compared to the United States, Cuba in 1958 had a per capita GDP of $3,170 according to the OECD. (Canada’s was $8,947.). But Cuba outranked all other Latin American countries except four: Argentina, Chile, Uruguay and Venezuela.
Tellingly, in 1958, the island nation’s per person wealth was higher than any East Asian country or colony, save Japan, which barely beat Cuba at only $3,290.1 Hong Kong had a per capita GDP of $2,924, Singapore’s was $2,294, the Philippines’ was $1,447, Taiwan’s per person GDP stood at $1,387 and South Korea’s was $1,112.
Thus in 1958, Cuba was almost as rich as Japan, one and half times as wealthy as Singapore, richer than Hong Kong, and three times as prosperous as South Korea.
Oh, they’re still trying that one, are they?
[spits on hands, hoists ancient Texas Instruments LED calculator]
- McDonald’s Corporation 2006 revenues: $21.6 billion.2
- Total number of employees, worldwide, 2006: 465,000
Thus according to the latest available figures, at $46,451.61 per full- and part-time employee, McDonald’s workers all over the world are wealthier than the average American.
It’s amazing the mileage you can get out of the old average-vs.-median conflation. It’s like those 1950s American cars still rattling down the streets of Havana.
Fifty years later, Cuba is one of the poorest countries in Latin America.
Meanwhile, jurisdictions such as Hong Kong, Singapore, South Korea and Taiwan (the latter two also had dictators and problems similar to Cuba in the 1950s) have long eclipsed Cuba. They’ve done so not only in per capita wealth, but in measurements Castro’s defenders point to when they assert the Marxist revolution “worked,” such as in health care and education
As opposed to the US, which for all its wealth, um, [mumble mumble] health and education [mumble mumble] thingy.
The irony of Cuba’s position became even more evident recently.
We’d say just now.
The gents at RedState comment:
The article goes on to argue for an end to the U.S. trade embargo.3 This may be a good idea, but it is worth noting anew that the dearth of trade from one country–even one as powerful as the United States–is not enough to explain Cuba’s economic woes.
Or, to carry that reasoning into hard numbers: Since there are roughly 200 countries in the world, we can make a quick back-of-the-envelope calculation and argue that the US is only responsible for about 1/2 of 1% of these woes — or only about half a wo.
And come to mention it, so is Canada.
Update: As is inevitable with these things, we’ve been accused of a softness toward Cuban Communism. Um, yeah. Also, the reason we doubted all those stories of WMDs in Iraq, and were against the invasion and so forth, was because we supported Saddam Hussein. These days, we’re busy doubting anti-Iranian propaganda and atrocity stories because we condone the execution of homosexuals and are against women’s rights. Some of us favor Barack Obama because we dislike white people.
1 It almost seems as though there should be a reason for Japan’s poor economic performance in the given period.
2 McDonald’s figures are from here.
3 Milke: “It’s a significant reason for Cuba’s poverty, that and the Communist system itself — and both should end. Cuban-Americans don’t have to give up their claims to property confiscated by Castro and his thugs, but that can be dealt with if and when Cuba becomes a liberal, market-oriented democracy.”
bargal20 said,
March 22, 2008 at 18:48
I watched “The Godfather: Part II” just the other day. I love the scene where Fredo personally hands every Cuban peasant their weekly pony.
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 18:48
South Korea had a dictator in the 50s? That’s unpossible! Surely he meant to say a strongman leader who was dedicated to the free market. Like the USA would ever back a dictator! Ptui.
Look at them today! They are by far the world’s wealthiest nation, as long as you measure the economy in WoW gold. All thanks to the benevolent Uncle Sam!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 18:50
Free Market Kool-Aid™!
Get your Free Market Kool-Aid™ while it’s on sale!
El Cid said,
March 22, 2008 at 18:52
Jeesh! So I assume by contrast that independent and free un-Cuban countries like the Dominican Republic, Haiti, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama must be incomparably wealthy by now.
Maybe if I hurry I can catch the latest Guatemalan magnetic levitating holographic train to the sky-cloud cities of Nicaragua!
Some Guy said,
March 22, 2008 at 18:58
Why can’t Puerto Rico become the Singapore of Latin America? I know they’re technically part of the US, but still, they’re in prime position to be a beacon of prosperity for the entire region. Fikky wikky wild.
Hehehe, WoW gold. Korea makes shitty games.
Me said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:00
Personally, I’d love to see Cuba go back to its pre-1958 state, if only so all the flag-burning spoiled asshole ex-pats in Florida would go back and stay there.
Gundamhead said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:00
That map is awesome. I wish my home state would secede to Canada. You Redstate assholes wrecked this country, now you’re stuck with it. Maple leaves forever!
Cheif Canadian Negotiator said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:04
Sure, we’ll take California, The Pacific Northwest, New England and Hawaii.
But only if Texas takes Alberta.
Ripley said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:08
By that logic, shouldn’t Hong Kong and Singapore in 2008 be the Cuba of East Asia? Y’know, since Cuba had a greater GDP than both those areas, in 1958?
Gavin M. said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:08
[updated a bit, btw]
Henry Gomez said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:15
Here’s a statistic that can’t be manipulated. In the 1950s net immigration to the U.S. from Cuba was negative. More people were moving there to live than the other way around. Today the only Americans going to live in Cuba are cop killers like Joane Chesimard and other fugitives. Meanwhile Cubans will risk their lives on anything that floats to leave the worker’s paradise.
If you think Cuba is better off today, why don’t you ask one of the two million Cubans living abroad today.
The answer is: Sadly no.
Uncle Mike said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:20
Perhaps we should invade them and spread some of that democracy Iraq loves so much.
PURPLE FINGERS!!
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:28
What are Cuba’s exports…sugar and tobacco. Two of the most heavily subsidized US crops. How popular will it be, even in a democratic administration, to normalize trade relations with a country that can sell us cheap sugar and tobacco? However, we could justify importing sugar by giving ethanol subsidies to american cane sugar and beet sugar producers.
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:34
I, for one, would prefer Cuban sugar to the high-fructose corn syrup that we Americans insist on putting in everything.
I’m very picky when it comes to rotting out my teeth.
Gavin M. said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:35
1: An article says negative things about [X] that are transparently made-up and false.
2: Someone makes note of their transparency, made-upness, and falsity.
3: Someone else swings by all like, “OMG! You are a supporter of [Y]!”
Common values for X: The Islamic religion, Cuba, Palestinians, Iran, Obama’s pastor
Common values for Y: Global Islamoterror, Communism, killing Israeli children, nuclear holocaust, racism
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:38
I forgot to attempt anything funny in the prior post. How come we (the outraged USA) never prosecute rich fucks that make a big deal about smoking cuban cigars? Don’t those rich fucks know cuban agri workers “hate whitey”? I mean if its a big deal to not be able to vote for someone who just listens to another someone who hates whitey, isn’t it worse to put something in your mouth that was actually on the sweaty thigh of someone who hates whitey? Perspective, people.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:38
Don’t forget about y) those Casto Convertibles.
They’re Hell on Wheels!
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:41
I’m certain that Cuba would be far better off today had it remained under Mafia control. Better a plantation slave than a red, as my fictional grandpappy used to say.
Gary Ruppert said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:46
The fact is, the US will become just like Cuba if a dem is elected.
mikey said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:49
I dunno how you’re supposed to be able to identify a “good” cigar.
They all smell like flaming bag of poo™ to me…
mikey
Jenkem Huffin D00d said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:58
Hey, Got Jenkem? Its the new way to get high, I am high right mow, what a buzz, you can deharsh the fumes with water, whooooooooaaah!!!!! I’ve never been so high, I don’t even care whos going to win, just give me my jenkem! Let me share my home brew wiyh my neighors and the world! We can make the world a better place with JENKEM!
Blue Buddha said,
March 22, 2008 at 19:58
Cigar smokers never die. They just smell that way.
Cheif Canadian Negotiator said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:02
The fact is, the US will become just like Cuba if a dem is elected.
Let’s see…
Free education, health care, awesome music, vicious right-wing bastards making for the shores of Colombia on homemade rafts with 2×4’s for paddles…
All I can say is Hurry up, November!
Monkay said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:02
That link gave me car-lust.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:13
Thirty years ago, I was given a cigar from Guatemala, supposedly with tobacco grown from seeds smuggled from Cuba. I was going to smoke it, but had spilled some bong water on it. Don’t ask. So I put it on an aluminum tray and put it in the toaster oven, set to under 200 degrees to dry the cigar out. Some minutes later (I don’t know how many minutes, did I mention there was a bong in the vicinity) there was this wonderful burning smell. I rush to the toaster oven and there on the tray is this perfectly cylindrical seven inch long gray ash.
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:14
Hey, Henry.
Henry.
Psst.
I got something to tell you. Come a little closer. Little closer. Little more. That’s it. There. Now, what was it I was going to say to you?
Oh, right, yeah. I remember.
Go fuck yourself.
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:17
Some of us favor Barack Obama because we dislike white people.
Well, to be fair Gavin, that one /is/ true.
Man, fucking white people. Hating them never gets old.
Joe Max said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:19
Oo! Oo! I have an ancient Texas Instruments LED calculator too! It’s a TI-1000 that I’ve owned for almost 30 years and it still works!
D.N. Nation said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:21
1) Cuba is a shithole. Some from the embargo, some from its own doing. And FWIW, the theories and whatnot that created Cuba as is would lend their followers to believe that an embargo wouldn’t have any effect on Teh Revolution, which is, uh, no. Anyway.
2) End the fucking embargo. Want to make the old pudgy farts who run the show in Cuba fall to their knees? Flood the island with gazillions of dollars of American shit. Yeah, it sucks that China’s morphed into a violent technocracy by virtue of American handjobs, but at least you can say there won’t be any more Cultural Revolutions, Great Leap Backwards, and whatever else.
Jacob Singer said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:21
White people. Hmf.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:29
Aren’t europeans already investing in tourist destinations in Cuba? Isn’t Jack Nicholson still eating breakfast three hundred yards (275 metres) away from someone trying to kill him? Doesn’t Dominic Chianese know all the best nightclubs there? Can’t Dr Drew turn Gitmo into a celebrity rehab facility? The money makes itself !!!
Hoosier X said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:44
If white people don’t want to be hated they should stop being so hateable.
Just sayin’.
I apologize to all conservatives in advance for not being politically correct enough for you. I know how politically correct conservatives can be when it suits them. I mean, look at the furor over Rev. Wright.
Some Guy said,
March 22, 2008 at 20:57
I got a Ti-83 from 0 or 12 years back. It’s starting to mulch through batteries, but all the buttons and stuff look out of the box new. They make a hell of a calculator, i’ll give them that.
I’m eager for our new Black Panther UN Overlords.
Lesly said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:00
Erm. I’m not network guru. Is there something wrong with Henry Gomez’s linked name?
Tim (the Other One) said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:07
I think my whiteness is coming home to roost.
Bitter Scribe said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:12
If there’s a group of people anywhere on Earth who have gotten more mileage out of less grievance than the “Cuban exiles,” may I never hear about them.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:22
Here’s a full version of Pastor Wright’s sermon.
I’m sure everyone else is as shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you) as I am to find that the edited version being played and replayed by the likes of Faux is misleading.
I mean, when has that ever happened before?
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:29
Biiter Scribe:
Well, there’s still white guys from Montana.
foreigner said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:33
Erm. I’m not network guru. Is there something wrong with Henry Gomez’s linked name?
Henry’s link: http://conductor@babalublog.com/
He wants you to email him instead of visiting his blog. I guess it’s for that personal reach-out-and-touch effect that you’d never find under the Curse of Communism.
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 21:42
Flood the island with gazillions of dollars…
Right on! Because everyone knows, first you get da money. Den you get da power. Den you get da woman.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:00
Say hello to my little friend!
Legalize said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:00
I hear the weather in Baja Canada is very agreeable, but I think I’ll stick it out in New America. I don’t wanna have to take another bar exam. Plus the New America Yankees are my favorite professional sports squad!
gbbalto said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:08
It’s very likely that Cuba would have been better off if the U.S. and Latin America (aside from Mexico) hadn’t embargoed it, and if the U.S. hadn’t pressured other countries not to sell items manufactured by U.S. subsidiaries. Still, the U.S. embargo serves mainly an excuse the Cuban govt can use to explain away their people’s poverty (while blaming it on the exiles) AND as a U.S. sop to the exiles at the same time.
That said, I agree that Cuba’s wealth pre-revolution has been exaggerated and I believe that it was very inequitably distributed. As ElCid points out, by comparison with other Latin American countries, it wouldn’t necessarily have been much better off without the revolution (education and healthcare excepted).
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:09
My God! I just realized that this map is undeniable proof that Canadians are plotting reconquista! Somebody alert Lou Dobbs!
Righteous Bubba said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:11
Reconquisteh.
J— said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:14
Yesterday:
Today:
Tomorrow–Hugo Chávez Frías, Stones vs. Beatles, Nader, Les Paul vs. Strat?
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:15
Lou’s on it already. Man, is he ever on it.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:15
Or else, poop jokes.
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:16
Broccoli vs. pie!
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:16
I’ve said it many times, poop is teh funny.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:18
Brussels sprouts: food of the gods, or too good for teh gods?
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:23
er, umm, I meant brussels sprouts.
disclaimer (and maybe looking for some sympathy):
I’m going total hypothyroid in prep for Iodine 131 radiation treatment next week. My brain is pretty foggy. Please excuse any temporary lameosity from any of my noms de No!
Thag you bery much.
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:25
See, I couldn’t even underline properly
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:32
Good luck with that, PeeJ.
Legalize said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:34
Oh dear: brussel sprouts again. No good can come from this.
J— said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:35
I don’t think the “u” for underline works in the comments here, if that’s what you used.
I hope everything goes well next week.
Bitter Scribe said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:37
One of the best books I ever read was “How to Lie with Statistics.” If you’ve never heard of it, check it out right this minute.
Chlamydia Champaigne said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:38
The fact is, Rush Limbaugh told me to tell Gary Ruppert to stop bogarting all the 14 year old hookers in the Dominican Republic. When Rush gets there with Viagra in hand, most of them are all reserved for Gary.
PeeJ said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:41
Thanks.
Neither the ‘u’ tag nor the ‘underline’ tag seem to work even though ‘u’ appears in preview correctly.
And whattaya mean, no good can come from that?
All good things come from brassica! Roasted, with lemon zest! Hashed, with rice! Roasted, with chestnuts!
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:42
The fact is, 87% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Dagoril said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:46
Is Los Angeles part of Baja Canada? Because I’d rather be part of Canada than stuck with those fucking douchebag RedStaters.
And what ever happened to the Aztlan menace? I thought the brown people were going to rise up and take over the southwest any day now? Will Mexico and Canada be forever at war?! Oh, the horroh! Now where are the Funyuns?
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:48
Brassica sammiches!
Brassica pie!
I like pie!
Jenkem Huffin D00d said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:55
Hey! GET HIGH the Jenkem way! See my websites for the best recipes! JENKEM!!!! JEN-KEM!!!!
Candy said,
March 22, 2008 at 22:59
Best of luck to you, PeeJ. :-)
I was thinking the exact same thing. Right at the moment when I read your post.
His Grace said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:02
One of the things that annoys me very much about the what ifs about Cuba is that the oversimplication of everything. Remove Castro’s revolution and Cuba evolves into a functional prosperous democracy. Perhaps it would, but likely had Batista managed to kill Castro, he still would have had to deal with a communist insurgency lasting years if not decades. Not exactly a recipe for strong economic growth.
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:09
Also, y’know, Batista was a twat.
pedestrian said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:12
mikey
I once asked a cigar aficionado how to tell a good cigar from a bad cigar. He said that the more it smells like horse shit the better it is. Of course, he may just fuck with everyone who asks him that stupid question.
Matt T. said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:15
Hey! GET HIGH the Jenkem way! See my websites for the best recipes! JENKEM!!!! JEN-KEM!!!!
I’m not getting high with anything that demands multiple exclimation points in its advertising. Sign of a sick mind.
Candy said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:20
Also, y’know, Batista was a twat
An insult to twats.
Now if you want to call him a vicious pimp who prostituted his country to the U..S. I’m down with that.
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:21
Sure, I’ll call him that.
Fuck, there aren’t a lot of things I wouldn’t call Batista. I mean, aside from the things the Cuban exiles and corporate paymasters want to deify him as.
His Grace said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:23
Well, of course… I’m just saying that any plan that involved undoing the revolution in Cuba (or time travelling back in time to kill Castro) had a likely result of an ongoing insurgency, much like the rest of Latin America during that period. Perhaps Cuba would have evolved into the Hong Kong of the Caribbean (with twice as much Freedom), but that road would likely be long and bloody.
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:23
But look at his immigration numbers! Surely he was doing something right!
…
Oh, he was pimping his country to US business interests.
Well, uh…. BETTER DEAD THAN RED! USA! USA! USA! USA!
His Grace said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:24
…or time travelling back in time…
Crap…
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:25
The ex-pats Cubans in Miami had their brussels sprouts plantations expropriated by those lying commies and they still want them back. The campesinos have been raising el sproutos brusselseros cooperatively for fifty years now, and grill them with plaintains as a major staple of their diet.
MaineMan said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:26
Dear Chief Canadian Negotiator,
Just so’s you know, we’re pretty much ready to go anytime you are.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:27
You can call batista anything you want; I usually call him ‘dead’. It avoids confusion and nicely captures the essence of the situation.
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:30
If we really want Cuba to be the Hong Kong of the Caribbean, we should see if Raoul Castro will lease it to us for 99 years.
Then we can use it as our main port for shipping opium into Latin America.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:32
Oh Canada, whither goest thou? One of your provinces is named Northwest Territory and its neither northmost or westmost of the provinces. (hey, the hydra has caught Jason, will the Argonauts save him? Love dat Harryhausen.)
Patkin said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:32
Jrod: I thought that was what we were using Bogota for.
pedestrian said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:43
Patkin, you are thinking Medellin. Bogota is way up in the mountains. I still can’t believe that the cocaine submarine didn’t work.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:49
I been thinking about that lately. I think I’ve got an idea. Maybe not as good as my “Cigarettes for the homeless” program but great ideas don’t come along all that opften, y’know?
Anyway, since the CIA is probably already the world’s largest drug dealer, we should turn it into a profit center for the Treasury. In this scenario, we’d be shipping the Columbian coke to China, see? So it wouldn’t be like the opium wars at all, not seeing as how this is cocaine, right?
So we can make a killing selling coke to the slants, and funnel billions of those $ they’re using to wipe their buttholz with back into the You Ess of Eh. Economic hegemenony here we come again!
Then, we get serious in Afghanistan. By serious, I mean we fucking take over the opium production. After all, we kicked their raghead asses - we own it! So we sell the opium in S. America and Europe! We can keep the planes loaded for most of the circumnavigation.
This is just a first draft so I’m sure it could use some tweaking.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:52
Also, feel free to enquire about “Cigarettes for the Homeless.” It’s a winner for almost everybody involved. I should pitch it to the Clintons.
Some Guy said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:59
If anyone has it, Nation Geographic is doing an fascinating documentary on skinheads and racists. These people are fucking insane. I think it’s almost over, but it’ll prolly get showed again sometimes. 5-6pm EST.
Jrod said,
March 22, 2008 at 23:59
I’m in favor of “Cigarettes for the Homeless,” but only if those cigarettes are made from Cuban tobacco which was fertilized with the blood of dissident capitalist pig-dogs.
darrelplant said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:05
(I can’t believe nobody’s made the most obvious joke yet)
The good ones smell like Monica!
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:09
Satan’s Dirty Underwear:
(ahem) Aren’t you forgetting the domestic market?
SamFromUtah said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:11
….the more it smells like horse shit the better it is.
If that’s true, I had some downstairs neighbors that used to smoke really terrific cigars. They’d always do it at 4 a.m., too, so I’d wake up in a panic that the stables were on fire. Then I’d remember we didn’t have any stables.
I hated those neighbors.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:12
No, Candy, I’m not, Satan’s Dirty Underwear said peevishly.
First, since domestic sales doesn’t invovle export of US assets, it’s just not very important.
Second, I figured I’d take care of it myself from the skim. After all, if there’s tons of coke going down into the sea all over the place, we can fill in the domestic supply just by NOT FUCKING WASTING IT in the first place.
It’s all very neat and clean.
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:17
Ah, I bow to your superior economic plan, Mr. Underwear.
You know, if drugs were only legalized, I’ll bet there are areas of this vast nation of ours where we could grow coca, poppies, and of course weed will grow everywhere. Also, just sell cheap Dexedrine spansules to the speed freaks. Voila! No more meth teeth, exploding labs, drain cleaner dripping down the tonsils . . . and no more adult ADHD.
What’s that you say? Profits? Oh. Oh, I see. Never mind.
Bullsmith said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:26
The Northwest Territories isn’t a province, it’s a territory, sort of like Puerto Rico. Semi-sort of. At one point it was both North- and Westernmost. Of course at one point before that it also included Manitoba, Saskatchewan, and Alberta.
Think twice before you actually head north. It’s frickin’ miserably cold up here.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:28
No, don’t stop! You’re just getting the idea! Remember, this is all about helping the USA; its not about helping Americans. Christ, when was the last time the gummint gave a rat’s ass about Americans?
Teh Wicked Witch said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:36
Poppies! Poppies will put them to sleep . . . Poppies!”
Poppies . . .
But snow will wake them up, drat that girl.
Jennifer said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:40
Hmmmm…roasted garlic on baquette….mmmmm.
Rary Guppert said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:54
The fact is, those who disapprove of chainsaw tumor-removal are objectively pro-cancer. “Inoperable” is just another word for “not trying hard enough”.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:54
“Is there anyone I’d like to throw under the bus? Used to be I could line up candidates in my mind like a row of dominos, flicking one after another in front of a haunted bus out of a Steven King novel making regular stops at the intersection of Evil and Ennui.” —ann althouse—
Canadian tobacco subsidies are ruining the global teen smoking marketing strategy.
Buddy "Seven Diamonds" Moleman said,
March 23, 2008 at 0:59
Time-release benzedrine could improve american manufacturing productivity and solve our national obesity crisis. that’s a freebie for Satan’s Dirty Underwear.
sxwarren said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:03
About that Afghani opium thing . . .
As I understand it, it represents about 97% of the WORLD opium supply these days. So, the US gummint could buy it at the “farm gate” for roughly $2 billion. Oh, what the fuck, make it $3 billion just to make sure we outbid the local warlords. That’s about a week’s worth of the taxpayer cash the gummint blows on the Iraq Occupation, and it’s not much more than the aid the US is giving to the Afghan “government” now. Anyway, the heroin made from this would have a hypothetical street value somewhere north of $300 billion - not quite enough to balance the US budget, but it would make a dent. Besides, the US at that point would, at least for a year or so, enjoy a virtual monopoly so who could argue if the price were somewhat higher?
Anyway, it sounds like a plan to me.
Jennifer said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:03
I have a better solution to America’s obesity crisis: stop eating shit. Start eating healthful foods.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:07
C’mon guys - keep those cards and letters coming!
sxwarren and the Moleman are definitely on the right track. With just a bit of effort, we can solve all the country’s problems! Maybe by this evening!
Then we can have brussel sprout sammiches. And pie.
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:07
by the way, sx: yer hired.
Jrod said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:16
Will Americans get an “employee discount” when buying coke and smack? If so, I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:20
Sure, we’ve seen it before. Import the opium instead of using farmers right here in Teh Heartland. That’s okay, we’re used to it!
Drug kingpins. Hmpf.
Jennifer, if farmers in the Midwest start growing reefer, it’s our Patriotic Duty to the Glorious Cause to eat brownies and tubs of Ben & Jerry’s and lots and lots of All-American Pizza! Why do you hate America? Next you’ll want the farmers to grow arugula, like that Dukakis fellow.
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:23
Um, disclaimer: I decided that instead of doing anything constructive tonight I would instead drink cheap beer. I’m going to go do my psychology take-home test before the beer catches up with me, but I can’t say that I might not be back to drop a comment at some point. So if I seem even goofier than usual, etc etc.
Hey I’m poor and have no valium. Stress management.
sxwarren said,
March 23, 2008 at 1:59
Psych take-home test?
Candy, if you’re loopy later, I’m not sure I’d blame the beer.
Anyway, the rest of the plan would be to sell the Afghan-derive heroin to everyone else while investing some of the profit in a crash program to develop an herbicide-resistant “Super Poppy” that we would then grow here in the US (remember, we’ll only have a couple of years before some other schmuck country gets a poppy industry running to compete with us - probably one of those batshit-crazy dirtbag dictators in the CAR). Monsanto can patriotically contribute to this effort in a big way, I’d imagine. Anyway, then we outfit a bunch of cruise missiles with Round-Up warheads and fire away at everybody else’s poppy fields. Thus, we maintain our heroin monopoly. Hey, maybe this Super Poppy could be genetically designed so that the heroin comes out in Ben & Jerry’s flavors! “Vermonty Python” heroin would be deeeee-lish!
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 2:20
I’d like to file a few complaints with management.
First, will we get any of the white, or will we as employees be stuck with the nasty brown tar? ‘Cause I LIKE the white. Just saying.
And c’mon now? Dexedrine? Dexemil Spansules? Brown and Clears? Black Beauties? Nope. Not at this point. You get to day six or seven on those things and you are positively INSANE. I’ll stick with the meth. Or even better, a couple days on REAL X and then the rest of the week in a quiet place by a lake. Just askin.
The freakin coke you can sell to the foreigners, it just makes me mean.
Except for one weekend a year (I’m proposing fourth of july) where we smoke up about seven ounces of freebase and have a “conversation”. Oh yeah. That would be fun…
mikey
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,
March 23, 2008 at 2:38
Batista? Batista was a pimp. It was Barzini. It was always Barzini.
I’m just sayin’ . . .
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 2:53
mikey, this song pretty much sums out how I felt about cocaine until I found out that if I ever did it again I’d probably have a heart attack and die. That sort of took the fun out of it.
Psych take-home test?
Candy, if you’re loopy later, I’m not sure I’d blame the beer.
It’s what they call a contributing factor. Actually, it’s a pretty simple test on Teh Brain and CNS, so it shouldn’t be too hard to eke out an A, especially with an open book.
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 3:04
In the immortal words of Dick Cheney, Candy.
So?
Drugs kill ya. They just do it nicely. I’ve buried so many people, and I still just don’t blame them or their drug of choice. Some got fancy services. Some got unmarked graves. But they died looking for something, and knowing what they risked. That I’m still here? Inexplicable. But we slog on, ruck full of losses, never forgetting but never letting that last fear stop the search.
But cocaine. That’s a place I just can’t go. I get into this loop in my head, and can’t talk, and then somebody says something perfectly reasonable, and I’m setting the building on fire.
Nope. Not a thing I should do. I know the paths I should walk. But it’s sad that you’ve decided that a thing you love is a hazard to your life. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you need to look for a way to incorporate that what you love into your life. It’s just fucking rules. They aren’t anything I’m willing to follow…
mikey
Candy said,
March 23, 2008 at 3:15
Well, I’ve got a kid to live for. And I’m not ready to die yet. The risk ain’t worth it. Not anymore. I don’t want to give The Man an excuse to land on my ass and throw me in jail, either. The high was nice, but it ain’t all that. The worst thing about cocaine for me was that it was like truth serum. It was like I just couldn’t not answer a question in the most honest and explicit manner. Bad.
g said,
March 23, 2008 at 3:47
Mmmm, well, as long as we’re sashaying down memory lane….
It’s kind of like remembering the time you spent with a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. At the time you were really in love, but, man, once it was over it was over.
Fun? tons of fun, until it became horrible. I was not a nice person when I was doing it. One of the things that helped me quit was someone sitting me down and pointing that fact out to me.
For me, when I was doing it, it seemed like I had a super-acutely tuned radar that could detect any other user or source. After I quit, it simply became invisible to me.
True story - I was travelling for a living when I was into cocaine, and about 10 years late, long after I quit, I went back to that line of work briefly, and travelled to the same places I used to go.
In one town where I’d scored a lot, I ran into a guy from the old days on the job. He kept sidling up to me to let me know if I needed “any help” or if there was “anything I needed” to let him know.
It sounds totally stupid, but I honestly did not know what he was talking about, that’s how far gone those days were for me! I’m thinking, “What is he offering, a place to do my laundry?”
It wasn’t till that night when I got back to the hotel I realized - holy shit, the guy wanted to sell me some drugs!
Kate said,
March 23, 2008 at 3:56
I’ve always been under the impression that your own view of your life was the only one that matters.
sxwarren said,
March 23, 2008 at 3:57
If only I’d simply set buildings on fire. Thirty something years ago, before all the crack shit, I went the Snow Blind route for awhile. Permanently demolished my bridges with a couple of good teams of people.
Eventually, I moved on and moved away. Don’t wallow in it anymore, but the memory still wakes me in the wee hours occasionally.
And then there’s the recent local headline announcing the biggest bust in state history citing amounts of cash and supplies that would’ve made for a slow Tuesday night back in the day. All things considered, it’s much better that I live in such a place now, clean, and learning how to take care of the old folks while helping them preserve their illusion of independence.
Kate said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:02
heh, g, imagine if you’d realized
Hell Goddamnit said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:07
I’m waiting for my man
Twenty-six dollars in my hand
Up to Lexington, 125
Feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
I’m waiting for my man
Here he comes, he’s all dressed in black
PR shoes and a big straw hat
He’s never early, he’s always late
First thing you learn is you always gotta wait
I’m waiting for my man
Baby don’t you holler, darlin’ don’t you bawl and shout
I’m feeling good, you know I’m gonna work it on out
I’m feeling good, I’m feeling oh so fine
Until tomorrow, but that’s just some other time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wADYqSseQ_E
The only Lou Reed version on youtube is unbearably slow, so, this Vanessa Paradis person does a passable cover with the appropriate jangly percussion & guitar.
Lou was talking about speed, I believe, but this encapsulates my experience with cocaine quite nicely. I don’t remember the high so much as wanting the goddamn high.
“he’s never early, he’s always late - first thing you learn is that you always gotta wait”
crap, and I’m not even drinking…no excuse whatsoever
foreigner said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:14
I thought he was talking about heroin… maybe just because the album also had a track, “Heroin”
Hell Goddamnit said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:15
Oh wait: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UpFGoJHwLI
Shell Goddamnit said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:19
Lou wasn’t real selective about his drugs at the time. This is from memory from a biography I read about 20 years ago, so…
There are some really dreadful covers of that song out there, I find. The David Bowie version was particularly horrible.
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:20
Y’all make me sad.
It’s just a thing.
Food. Booze. Dope.
Why would you want any of them out of your life?
There’s a place where it all contributes.
And there’s a price to be paid for everything.
But life, once measured, is better with than without.
And people have got that for millennium. And indeed, it’s a not a world to be lived in without the raised consciousness….
mikey
Satan's Dirty Underwear said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:27
I’m sorry I went away and missed the Lou Reed thing. Sometime later I’ll tell ya about me and Lou Reed at Stevey Rubell’s.
Ouch.
That sed, Rock’Roll Animal is the only canonical rendition.
foreigner said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:30
“Twenty-six dollars” was a price appropriate to a point or two of heroin at the time, I believe: for $26 you could pick up a lot more meth — maybe an eightball. But I could be wrong. I don’t remember ever buying any of that stuff retail.
g said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:34
Why would you want any of them out of your life?
Well, I’m still enjoying food and booze. That’s enough, right? I actually never really liked dope; I spend a lot of years pretending I did.
I DID actually like cocaine - loved it. But, as I said, it made me into not a very nice person.
I do sometimes feel nostalgic about the adventures I had doing it. I had some fun, that I wouldn’t want to give up. I don’t any longer feel nostalgic about the high. A few years after quitting, I did something stupid and took a bump because someone offered it and I thought - stupidly - that etiquette demanded I accept.
I really did not like the way it made me feel.
MileHi Hawkeye said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:37
When I think of Afganistan, I think of hashish. Sweet, soft, sticky black hash. I miss that.
foreigner said,
March 23, 2008 at 4:38
g, you probably speak for many of us.
But I want to thank Mr/Ms Goddamnit for finding that link.
Ms. Goddamnit said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:04
You’re welcome. Even the David Bowie was worth it.
Re: $26
from comments on that video:
PlanB198
“everything is true about the song….except the price” lou reid
Course, you can’t really take the word of someone who doesn’t know how to spell the man’s last name…but the quote has a certain truthy ring.
Mikey, seems to me folks are just waxing nostalgic about past drug loves. That doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t have a steady any more, or that we’ll never fall in love again…
And MileHi speaks for me. Hate dope, love hash.
Jrod said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:10
I never cared for the downers much, and I’ve had my ride with speed.
Now, who can find me some decent fucking blotter, by Goddess?
pedestrian said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:22
I like the part where he encounters a proto-Obama voter:
Hey white boy
what you doin’ uptown?
Hey white boy
you chasin’ our women around?
Oh pardon me sir
that’s furthest from my mind
I’m just lookin for a diffrent state of mind
I’m waitin for my man
g said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:24
Sometime later I’ll tell ya about me and Lou Reed at Stevey Rubell’s.
Satan, I dunno which of Steve Rubells’ place you went to, but I was at one of his places with Lillian Carter (Jimmy’s mom) of all people.
mikey said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:35
Mikey, seems to me folks are just waxing nostalgic about past drug loves. That doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t have a steady any more, or that we’ll never fall in love again…
Hokay. Not sellin, not buyin. Just wanted to say, don’t be so quick to write off the magic. It exacts a price, but it delivers a prize.
All in all, it’s better to keep than to just decide to throw away…
mikey
g said,
March 23, 2008 at 5:37
I will say, I had a great day today. Went down to Artesia, and spent the afternoon in Little India.
Had fantastic South Indian food; shopped for some saris and bangles, also some groceries, and had some saffron-flavored ice cream. Bought a salwar kameez from some really friendly Indian ladies who altered it to fit me on the spot.
steve EVFuture said,
March 23, 2008 at 6:00
Yes, Cuba’s economy can’t compare to the “democractic” nations we support in the region… Like Haiti.
Thursday said,
March 23, 2008 at 6:09
All things considered, you guys can keep Oregon.
We’ll take Cuba, though!
foreigner said,
March 23, 2008 at 6:12
Haiti, diet capital of the world.
Hysterical Woman said,
March 23, 2008 at 7:07
Drugs: I’m just thinking, it’ll probably just made me nauseous. The legal drugs I’m taking annoy me enough.
Being drunk is like getting car sick, but you’re also stupid at the same time.
g said,
March 23, 2008 at 7:09
Well, I guess that means I’m stupid rightnow.
mikeinportc said,
March 23, 2008 at 8:25
“..because we condone the execution of homosexuals and are against women’s rights..”
So we’re Good Christian Republicans? ;)
Jenkem Huffin D00d said,
March 23, 2008 at 16:45
JENKEM!
Interrobang said,
March 24, 2008 at 0:11
Funny thing, Fidel Castro didn’t start out anti-American — he actually spent quite a while in the US as a young man and was a huge fan of el beisbol (got scouted by some US major league teams in the 1940s). The US government at the time, however, was so ideologically committed to supporting Batista, friend to rapacious capitalist slave-mongers island-wide, that Castro went looking for help elsewhere — and found it with the USSR.
Oops.
Kathleen said,
March 24, 2008 at 3:04
half a wo.
tears running down face.
Nick said,
March 25, 2008 at 0:54
Has it occurred to anyone that if that map’s supposed to show a liberal-conservative divide, eastern Oregon & eastern Washington shouldn’t be part of “Canada”?
tigrismus said,
March 25, 2008 at 1:04
We could call it “Greater Alberta.”
Brian Schmidt said,
March 25, 2008 at 2:44
Well, I agree with SN about 95% of the time, but not on this one.
1. Total gross revenues don’t equal total payroll (or even have much to do with payroll), so dividing revenues by employees doesn’t equal average wage and doesn’t tell anything about the difference between average and median. If this is a lesson that people sometimes lie with statistics, it’s an obscure lesson for this grasshopper, and doesn’t tell much about whether the comparison stats to other countries are invalid.
2. What’s the basis for thinking inequality and median wages were worse in the comparison countries than in Batista’s Cuba - were they some kind of egalitarian ideal?
3. As for other non-Cuban countries that have been mismanaged (or screwed over by the US or others) since 1958, that hardly excuses the mismanagement of Cuba’s economy and misuse of 30 years of Soviet subsidies.
Brian Schmidt said,
March 25, 2008 at 20:54
I screwed up above comment, point #2, which should say in effect that no reason has been given to believe that inequality in Batista’s Cuba was any worse or better than the comparison countries, so the average wage is a reasonable place to start comparisons.
I’ll just add that if someone wants to supply median wage figures, so much the better.