You must not have an HMO.

Don’t make me eat that stuff.

Voice of Don Pardo: America, Election Day fast approaches, and with the Presidential Race still too close to call, “Saturday Night Live” would like to present “A Glimpse of our Possible Future”.

[ open on Scenario I ]

Announcer: And now a Message From the President of the United States: George W. Bush.

[ open on the Oval Office - beer cans on desk, socks hung on the lamp, a barbecue grill burning on his desk ]

Voice of Advisor: Mr. President, get out there!

President George W. Bush: [ from under his desk ] No! No, you can’t make me! You’re gonna yell at me again!

Voice of Advisor: Mr. President!

President George W. Bush: [ peeks out from under his desk ] No! I don’t want to go out, it’s too hard!

Voice of Advisor: You’re on, Sir!

President George W. Bush: Awww.. [ jumps up and takes his seat ] Hey, America! So, how we all doing out there, huh? Yeah, not so good. I broke the Hoover Dam.. we had that war thing happen. But I mean, who ever heard of a Civil War, anyway? What is that? [ grabs a pair of binoculars, unscrews the lens, then pours alcohol from it into his mouth ] I have missed you, ol’ buddy! [ pours it into his barbecue grill ] Whoo! I think we can agree, Americans, that these have been a difficult first two years of my presidency..

Voice of Advisor: You’ve been President for two weeks!

President George W. Bush: Really? Oh, man! I told you, this is hard! Okay, listen.. I’m just gonna get this Address thing over with. As we assess the State of the American Union today, we have reason to hope, because.. [ takes out a map which shows California and Florida as islands, Texas in Communist Mexico, and the Great Lakes on fire ] Holy crap! When did all this happen?! Wow.. the Great Lakes are on fire – even I know that’s not good. [ laughs ] Okay, America, we got a lot of problems. I ain’t gonna lie to you. But with the help of Vice-President Dick Cheney..

Voice of Advisor: You killed him in a hunting accident!

George W. Bush: Okay, fine! Not a problem. ‘Cause I’ve been working hard, I got a plan that’s gonna solve all of it – from the deficit, to foreign relations, to that hole in the sun. Two words, America: Ostrich Meat.

Voice of Advisor: [ disgusted ] Oh, come on! [ exits Oval Office ]

President George W. Bush: No, no, wait, wait! Hear me out. You see, everyone gets an ostrich.. and then you eat the ostrich, then you raise the ostrich.. that way, no more ostriches! We are trying to get rid of all the ostriches, right? Anyone? [ ball of fire erupts outside ] Aw, screw! That big tit building is on fire again – damn! Alright, sorry, folks.. I gotta take care of this.. [ stands up ] Come on, Blue! Here, boy! [ an ostrich ambles forward ] You all go on ahwad without me. And, in the meantime, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

That Bush hasn’t done already?

Sorry, Brad, but it’s even worse than that. It’ll wait until his second term when he’s starting to worry about his legacy.

The fact is that the comments that have been made and the issues that have surfaced over the last few weeks reflect the complexities of race in this country that we’ve never really worked through…

But seriously–he hit back against not just a week’s worth of race-baiting, but against smears that haven’t even been made yet. He’s going to handle the Republican attack machine like the pack of foolish, petty racists they are, and he won’t even have to raise his voice to do it.

What do blacks REALLY have to be so angry about?

Everybody knows they run the government and the media and the transportation department.

Liberals. Hmf.

Well, today, Eric, Brian, Dave and Steph all have to go around to their employers, their churches, their clubs and organizations, hell they even need to hold a press conference to DISAVOW and REJECT my hateful, unamerican statements.

Because isn’t if obvious? I said something I believed. That clearly means that everybody, every last one of them, closely associated with me believes EXACTLY the same things.

I mean, you believe everything your doctor and barber believe, don’t you?

mikey

wingnut 1- did you see that shine on his shoes and fine suit. And that funny walk to that shiny ride with the chrome hubcaps.

wingnut 2- OMG, pimp.

In one speech, Obama made it damn near impossible for anyone to use dogwhistles on race and religion against him.

At the same time, making race and the detrimental effects of religion on our public discourse a real part of the national conversation – or at least giving people a common platform work from.

That’s pretty neat.

Me, I noticed the same thing IOZ did.

Do you know how hard it is to get tear stains out of white linen?