6
Bl0gs-4-P4r4n01dz
I’m starting to worry somewhat about Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser. Witnesseth:
Every once in a while I go down to my basement library and re-read a book by gun expert Jeff Cooper (now deceased) just to keep myself in a self-defense mindset.
Speaking politely, this is an extremely sub-normal thing to do. Let’s review:
- DMOP likes to keep herself in a “self-defense mindset.” Why? Are there scary monsters lurking behind the bushes of her house? Have the terrorists already succeeded in taking out New York, Washington, Chicago and every other major American city and are now moving in on suburban Tennessee? Is American civilization teetering on the brink of total collapse and about to be overrun by marauding biker gangs a la The Postman?
- And what does she do to keep herself in a self-defense mindset? Does she take kick-boxing lessons? Does she shoot targets on the firing range? Do she and the Ole Perfesser take bows and arrows with them on a canoing trip into the wilds of the Deep South? No, no and no. She instead goes down to her basement and reads a book. A BOOK. This has to be the least self-defense-y thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. What is she going to do when those Mexican-Arab biker gangs storm into her condo and demand that she hand over her entire stash of ice creams? Will she be like, “Hey, buttholes, you don’t know who you’re messin’ with! I JUST READ A FUCKING BOOK!!! OOGAH-BOOGAH-BOOGAH!!!!!”
Above: What Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser sees when she gazes fearfully
out her window.
I mean, really.
Continuing:
Some useful bits of information that Cooper provides is that one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him. “His response should be not “Oh my God, I’m in a fight!” but rather, “I thought this might happen and I know what to do about it.”
I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation. Sadly, our mindset is now more like The New Feminized Majority in which soft power and discussions are slowly taking the place of the Combat Mind-set.
For the love of God.
The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mr. and Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees. Of course, there is a big reason why we humans have spent the past few centuries developing silly “laws” and “systems of justice” that employ wimpy feminized “words” to create and maintain order. And that reason is this: lawless anarchy is not an enjoyable state of existence. But for people like DMOP and her readers, lawless anarchy sounds like an awesome time where they can be all like, “BLAM-BLAM, TAKE THAT YOU CRIMINAL SCUMBAGS, AIN’T NO ONE TAKIN’ MY CH33T0Z AWAY FROM ME!”
Incidentally, guys, there are places in the world where men are free of the oppressive and feminized statist concepts of “soft power” and “discussion,” and where people join heavily-armed militias to keep their families safe. Two such places are Somalia and Iraq. Funny how I don’t see y’all lining up to move there.
UPDATE: Oh lordy. From the comments:
Wife and I were walking back to our car from having dinner out. Place was well lit and patrolled so I did not figure on any problems. But I detected footsteps other than our own behind us. I told my wife to keep walking and I slowed down my pace.
The only ‘weapon’ available were the keys. So I pulled them out and turned. Yep there he was. First thing out of his mouth was — “Hey man don’t get violent! I only wanted a $1.” He took off 2 secs later.
Cooper’s right. I guess I looked menacing and ready prevented a confrontation.
Yeah, boy! You show that delirious hobo who’s boss!
Gavin adds: You know, I used to read Jeff Cooper’s columns from time to time, and while I was only a bit put off by the wingnut zaniness, it was a bit hard getting past things like, for instance, his frequent and always carefully-phrased references to Rhodesia during the white-minority days, when the cough-cough were properly in power, and before the ahem-hem took over. (Cooper, an American, fought on the colonial side in the Rhodesian Bush War.) Or the arguments regarding the inferiority of Arabs.
Above: Col. John Dean “Jeff” Cooper
You would often, as well, find items like this mixed in with gun gossip and political grousing:
It is indeed a troublesome thing to observe the historical tomfoolery of many of our modern activists. I recently saw a statement to the effect that six million Negros died in the slave trade between Africa and the New World. Considering that a slave trader only made money out of a live slave, this would seem very poor economics, but beyond that it is doubtful if there were six million Negros available in Africa at any one time to be enslaved.1
The solution to this arithmetical problem is left to the reader (it seems not to make any sense in either direction), but the cumulative effect of Cooper’s notes on slavery, Negroes, OJ Simpson, various racially-motivated crimes in America, former white-minority states in Africa, Arabs, Negroes, Colonialism, and also sometimes Negroes, is an air of mouldering patrician resentment, of cod-Spencerian dyspepsia, of an old white man longing to say ‘nigger’ again, over a warming tumbler of scotch, under a wall of stuffed Ibex and Okapi heads.
1 J— adds: Let alone a ship big enough to carry them all.
American Citizen said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:08
As much as I like movies like “3:10 To Yuma” and “28 Days Later” and so forth, I’d much rather live in placid family sitcom-world. Some people just really want to use their guns on something more than deer and squirrels.
Sam said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:08
After having just read Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, I think everyone who fantasizes about a post-apocalyptic world (and that includes sci-fi authors) should read that. Creepy as fuck, and why would anyone ever want to be there?
ChristianPinko said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:11
I could handle the marauding biker gangs, but I tremble to think of Kevin Costner coming to my home.
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:13
I often think how few people in our society would really know what to do if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation.
Well, only because such skills are completely fucking useless to practically all of us.
Hattie said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:14
Poor thing. But I guess it’s a living.
r€nato said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:15
Surely you jest. Have you not heard that Hitlery might become president?
Robert M. said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:18
I think that most Americans have a deep-seated need to believe that if they really, really had to–if a hellish post-civilized world came to pass, and they were forced to pick up a knife/gun/katana/etc.–that they would become total badasses.
If you look at glibertaranism through that lens, it makes a lot more sense.
Bob said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:18
Dr. Mrs. Ole Professor said: “Sadly, our mindset is now more like The New Feminized Majority in which soft power and discussions are slowly taking the place of the Combat Mind-set.”
Ricky of Trailer Park Boys said: “Now you got suit dummies making up big fancy word papers about me…”
This is a tough one, a close call. Who better articulated an anti-feminized majority mindset where differences are settled with weapons not discussions?…….I guess I gotta go with Ricky.
Thank you for trying DMOP – you just don’t have the panache that Ricky has. I could now make a snarky comment about losing to a fictional trailer park dope grower but I am better than that.
Five of Diamonds said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:18
Training for self defense by reading a book.
Supporting a military by blogging.
Sounds about right.
r€nato said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:22
I confess that I am one of these soft, defenseless Americans. In fact, I’m proud of it.
You see, our civilization works that way by design. Long ago - around the dawn of civilization, I think - some guy thought it would be better for all involved if certain people were chosen to maintain the peace among community members. That way, everybody else could get on with other important tasks like growing food rather than constantly having to worry about defending themselves from predators among the group.
The real question is, if all grocery stores suddenly disappeared, what would wingnuts do without the ability to make their own Cheetos?
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:22
Hey, isn’t Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser the same person who castigated Kristine Scalzi for actually defending herself in a real-world situation?
r€nato said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:22
we have a winner!
jenniebee said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:23
Heh Indeed. I’ve known a few people who really got into things like No Blade of Grass and Lucifer’s Hammer and the like, but the thing they all had most in common was that their perception of the American system was that it was not one that would allow them to rise to the level of their abilities (and that in an apocalypse the likes of MDOP would be helpless against their own heavily-armed, firing-range drilled, dear God I know these people, selves). What’s MDOP’s excuse/mania, I wonder.
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:27
Yes. She is a hypocrite as well as an asshat:
http://drhelen.blogspot.com/2006/09/bit-of-over-reaction.html
montysano said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:27
As a Volvo-Driving L1brul Surrender Monkey, my plan is:
- run;
- scream for help;
- beg;
- run some more.
That’s how I roll…….
Gregory said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:28
The terminally stupid thing about this statement is that this kind of training doesn’t involve reading a freakin’ book (or watching Red Dawn), it involves confronting peril (and not the good Monty Python and the Holy Grail kind). I strongly doubt DMOP or the rest of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders are up for that kind of rigor.
Even then, trained individuals — whether soldiers, martial artists, whatever — can find themselves confronting “sudden awareness of peril” and freezing up, or panicking, or overreacting. Training helps, but one never knows how one will react when confronted by the “sudden awareness of peril.” I think it’s fear of this realization that drives a lot of wingnut bellicosity.
One would hope that DMOP, being a psychologist, would realize this, but one would evidently be wrong.
J— said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:32
The Dr. Mrs. Ole Professor provides a useful public service: She gives Tough Guys a safe, nurturing forum in which they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings, and we get to read them. Take Jeff, for example (comment at 6:59 PM, March 05, 2008).
As Edroso often notes, the fun is in the comments.
Susan of Texas said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:34
These are the same people who lived in gated communities and want to wall off the entire country.
Joe Max said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:34
Ole Missus is merely preparing for the inevitable Race War [tm] that will occur when B. HUSSEIN Osama becomes President, and the white folks in suburban Tennesee will rise up in righteous fury at such an intolerable indignation, *OR* when B. HUSSEIN Osama does *not* win, in which case the uppity Negroes will surely make the Watts and Detroit riots look like a Dave Chappelle block party. Either way, it’s clobberin’ time!
So you see, it’s inevitable, so the good white folks better be sure their books are full and completely read by then. Or something. She keeps her Cooper tome right there on the shelf next to the “Turner Diaries.”
JRL said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:35
::: “Hey, buttholes, you don’t know who you’re messin’ with! I JUST READ A FUCKING BOOK!!! OOGAH-BOOGAH-BOOGAH!!!!!”
If Atlas Shrugged is anything to go by, some books have the power to make someone into an asshole for a couple of months.
ahem said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:37
It seems as if Ole Perf and Dr Mrs Old Perf can’t wait for the time when they’re blowing away the hordes of rampaging n—–s from their rooftops.
It just means that they divide the world up into ‘Might Be Rampaging At Some Point’ and ‘Might Be Blowing Away The Rampagers’. That’s a clarifying thought.
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:38
…one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him.
Does the book say anything about how to tell the difference between actual peril and, say, being approached by a panhandler? That might come in handy and avoid some tragic overreactions.
I agree with Gregory et al that even trained people don’t know exactly how they’ll respond when that sudden awareness hits, this constant macho posturing from the wingnuts notwithstanding.
jnfr said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:38
This is so amazing, because just last night I dreamed of Kevin Costner. He was in his serial-killer type “Mr. Brooks” role and was trying to kill me somehow and I remember even in my dream thinking “This is really stupid.”
Rock Ripsnort said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:40
Reading a book, indeed. Doesn’t she know that come the Nukyular Apocalypse, she’ll immediately drop and break her reading glasses? Did Burgess Meredith suffer for naught?
Galactic Dustbin said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:40
So while Ole Perfesser becomes CyberBlogger 5000, in his cold distant electronic city in space; Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser roams the shattered wasteland where only the strong and well read survive.
I think that they are trying to tell us something about their marriage here.
Vin Scully said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:40
The title of Cooper’s book, by the way, is “To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak the Truth.” In case you want your library to be a little more Marshall Dillon-esque …
Me said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:40
From J’s quote of a commenter:
The decadent, effeminate Wiemar period, with the more cooperative League of Nations, morphed into the second great war.
I’m not sure what this dude is getting at. He deplores our feminization and warns this will lead to a more militaristic society, which would presumably be a bad thing. Except that seems to be exactly what people like him want, and they don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.
I think “conflicted” might be an appropriate term here.
Scott said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:42
I suspect this is how your average glibertarian imagines themselves in the big-budget action thriller in their minds…
Susan of Texas said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:43
Yeah, a dominatrix should never marry a man whose life ambition is to legally have sex with his blow-up robot girfriend.
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:44
I think “conflicted” might be an appropriate term here.
Spot on, Me. Maybe the commenter is just annoyed that we have to go through all the icky gooey touchy-feely girly sparkle-pony stuff first before we get the fascist goodies.
Andrew S said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:45
‘if a hellish post-civilized world came to pass, and they were forced to pick up a knife/gun/katana/etc.–that they would become total badasses.’
I used to think that way — when I was a kid I wanted to be a ninja. I’d go on long hikes and try to do all that mind mumbo-jumbo or whatever it was. I believed in Ronald Reagan. But yes, I think you’ve hit on it; it’s the fantasy that a person “has what it takes” to survive in dire circumstances. Thankfully growing up cured me of these fantasies. Also, when you realize how long it takes to train a real soldier (and note that the only ones who could really do that stuff, the Rangers and Seals and etc., are few and far between) and the hours upon hours of practice necessary to develop any sort of “skills”, the fantasy melts away in face of hard reality. Truth is the best thing I can do for my survival is learn more about computers, as that’s what pays the bills. It would make no sense for me to spend hours upon hours at a shooting range or one of the local dojos.
I’ve spent a few years living in some fairly “shady” places. You wanna know the best survival skill? Look like a nobody; wear older clothes and keep to yourself. Don’t be the loud white guy (in my case) who’s always attracting attention or dressing flashy. Being a good talker helps, too. I had a professor in college who spent some serious time in war zones in Africa. He’s alive (and so is his wife, who had the stones to travel with him) today because he was able to talk himself out of situations (several of which involved irate drunk soldiers with heavy machine guns). Packing cigarettes (even if you don’t smoke) is an almost universal survival tactic that has a proven track record. People are much easier to deal with when you, and them, remain calm.
I hate to ramble, but remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians. The idea being that supposedly the “last days” will be filled with the type of chaos where these sorts of survival skills would be necessary. Not all Christians believe that, but I think it’s safe to say that a good chunk of the 30% who approve of Bush believe that such chaos will probably happen in the US in their lifetimes.
the deedster said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:46
another great example of the mindset….
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/03/03/gun-incident-near-president-bushs-ranch/
whatever happened to reaching out with a handshake or a “hi, can i help you” to strangers? then there’s that jesus sermon on the mount “thang” about turning the other cheek that’s NOT shoot first ask questions later.
thanks to the bush ruination, the whole country’s drifting towards becoming militarized.
bdr said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:47
Jihadist-envy.
shaker o salt said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:47
At least your commenter didn’t call her “the” wife.
ahem said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:49
As ever, the note: DMOP is licensed to practise as a psychologist in the state of Tennessee. Normally, that just means that TN’s board doesn’t give a shit who it licenses, but it also means that come the oh-bring-it-now return to a Hobbesian state, there’s not going to be that much room for therapy sessions. Funny, that.
Anyway, ‘keep myself in a self-defense mindset’ is a euphemism for masturbation I’d never heard before.
Chris Tucker said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:49
One thing that Jeff Cooper stressed in his writings and training sessions is to be aware of your surroundings. Yes, be aware if someone is sneaking up behind you, but also, and just as important, be aware of that patch of daffodills that wasn’t there the day before, or the really pretty sunset, or the “V” of Canada Geese flying overhead.
The world is a pretty beautiful place, but you can’t enjoy that beauty if you’re not paying attention to the world.
The “self-defense” mindset is not, per se, a tripwire reaction to real, assumed, percieved or self-delusional peril. It’s more a matter of just keeping your eyes open and being aware of your surroundings. Oh, and to AVOID trouble if at all possible! Going a block or two out of your way to avoid a potentially troublesome situation is preferable to actually having to draw a weapon, let alone use it.
Although, to the gunslinging uberpistolero Randroids, that mindset is more, “ohboyohboyohboy! I sure pity any scary brown person who tries to mess with ME today. I’ll show that islamofascist bastard what for, alright!”
SenderC said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:49
Poison. Cheetos. Some assembly required.
Wait for your death. Your shiny new boomstick is mine.
(That is how they talk, isn’t it?)
jcroot said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:50
yep, we’re only involved in two, er, um police-actions? conflicts? wars? in Iraq and Afghanistan and are now saber rattling for a third in Iran - definitely a sign of too much feminizing discussion like that discussion-debacle in North Korea where the North Koreans stopped their enrichment and lowered the threat posed by their . . oh . . ermm.
melpomenh said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:51
At least you had somebody with dramatic potential. I had freakin’ Danny Devito. What do I get? Potentially awkward scenes from Twins set in the Sudan?
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:51
…remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians.
I was wondering about that. Y2K was such a non-event that I think a lot of people were disappointed and looked around for some outlet for their millennarian paranoia, and they found it in spades in the person of Gee Dumbya.
Back when the calendar ticked over I wasn’t much worried about all the dire computer stuff people said would happen; I was a lot more worried about people who were worried about The End Of the World doing stupid stuff. Like mass suicides and all that other panicking.
I also expected there to be lots of backtracking and pseudo-scholarship about “OK, so the world didn’t end on the stroke of midnight, Jan. 31, 1999 - what this means is that the monks in the 14th century goobered the calendar up and the year 2000 really begins on March 19, 2003, blah blah blah, so that’s when the world will really end.” Maybe there’s been some of that but I haven’t seen it.
caliph garrett said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:53
The decadent, effeminate Wiemar period, with the more cooperative League of Nations, morphed into the second great war.
Because of all teh gay Nazis and fascist Wilson’s fascist League of Nations, of course. Which is central to his point.
Non Nato said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:55
This brings home the point that gun ownership is very much about fear and insecurity. Gun nuts derive their sense of security from guns, they’ve never got to learn that people don’t jump you at random after hig school.
g said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:57
guess I looked menacing and ready prevented a confrontation.
No, actually, the commenter initiated a confrontation. The bum was simply making an ordinary social transaction, one I encounter several times a week, which is “hey man, can you spare some change?”
The appropriate response (if you don’t want to give) is “Sorry, no.”
Not whirling around brandishing your Audi key like a knife and leaping into an attack position.
Chris Tucker said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:57
OMG! The “Mall Ninja” chronicles.
Fortunately I drink Diet Coke, so there was no sticky mess to clean up and my Apple Extended Keyboard did not suffer any real damage.
But next time, a “No Beverages While Reading” warning would be appreicated.
Thom Tobiason said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:58
This arises from the difference between the liberal and conservative mind sets. Liberal - Man is a social animal, the natural state of man is community. He is always part of a larger social group with responsibilities to the individual welfare.Conservative - Man is an individual, pitted against the world. An independent loner, bravely making his way. A lion.
A “self-defensive mind set” is a rationalization for the use of weapons. Weapons “want” to be used. Watch any kid with a slingshot or BB gun. Try to imagine the kid not using them. Speaking of kids and weapons, watch for the trial of the new tactical nuclear bunker buster bombs in Iran.
K. Ron Silkwood said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:59
Comics are the best self-defense manuals because they show what stances and poses to take and what words to utter. You can also learn how to surf.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:59
jnfr said,
March 6, 2008 at 19:38
This is so amazing, because just last night I dreamed of Kevin Costner. He was in his serial-killer type “Mr. Brooks” role and was trying to kill me somehow and I remember even in my dream thinking “This is really stupid.”
Fixed, with even more st00pid! (H/T d r i f t g l a s s)
Hysterical Woman said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:00
After reading that article Sniper linked to, I’m twice as annoyed. “Always be on guard…unless it’s a guy trying to molest you, then it’s okay!”
Blue Buddha said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:02
…and for some, an asshole for life.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:06
Comics are the best self-defense manuals
Number one rule: don’t flirt with Midge even if you think Moose isn’t around.
Marsupial said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:06
This is the Red Dawn mindset in action. OMG! The 1) Commies; 2) Muslims; 3) Atheists; 4) Abortionists; 5) Negroes; 6) Feminazis; 7) Pornographers; 8) Other (select all that apply) are coming to rape me and kill my family!! I must grab my available weaponry and make them pay!!!
It doesn’t help that about 99% of this country seems to be afraid of its fucking shadow right now — even in suburban Tennessee. Somehow, as a young to middle-aged white guy, I’ve lived in nasty parts of Los Angeles, spent months in jail, survived riots and natural disasters, been on both sides of the financial spectrum, been a professional and a slacker, and somehow managed to survive. I don’t think DMOP needs to wall herself up in the panic room quite yet, unless she gets off that way.
Scott said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:06
But next time, a “No Beverages While Reading” warning would be appreicated.
Sorry, Chris. :)
melpomenh said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:08
But if it were Patrick Stewart it would be okay, wouldn’t it?
Blue Buddha said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:08
Yep. And a lot of basic gun safety rules came from Cooper: things like, assume a gun is always loaded, never stick anything in front of the barrel that you don’t want to destroy, be aware of the target you’re shooting at.
A lot of those who, have post-apocalyptic orgasmic fantasies, such as DMOP, are the same type of people who keep a loaded gun under their pillow, shoot a fellow hunter who’s wearing fluorescent orange, and shoot themselves while cleaning a gun.
Thorlac said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:12
Scott, the Mall Ninja link was hilarious! And, yes, I know one or two guys like that. They regularly stink of fear and have zero sense of humor.
g said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:12
I’ve spent a few years living in some fairly “shady” places. You wanna know the best survival skill?
good advice, Andrew. I agree.
I’m a female person of a certain age, and I have never in my entire life felt threatened or endangered by my fellow human beings. Luck, I realize, has a lot to do with it.
Just like Andrew, I’ve spent some time in some strange places, including major cities, bad neighborhoods, industrial sites, places where people do some crazy stuff, and I think a lot of it has to do with street sense and awareness. You don’t have to get all heroic or arm yourself, you just have to manage to avoid appearing like a good target.
It also has to do with your expectations. If you walk in a strange neighborhood and expect that someone is lurking nearby to harm you, it colors your entire view of the place. If you walk in a strange neighborhood and expect that most of the people you encounter are just going about their business, and may even be interesting and nice people, you don’t spend your time freaking out.
It’s a kind of perverted egotism, isn’t it, to think that you’re the object of everyone’s attention and that they all envy you enough to want to harm you?
noncarborundum said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:13
How can she even have readers? She can’t write as well as the average 12-year-old. A few more phrases like “if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation” or “Some useful bits of information . . . is . . .” and I’d be off to find some reading matter that didn’t make me feel like someone had taken corkscrews to my eyes. Like, say, on the nearest men’s room wall.
Andrew S said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:15
‘I also expected there to be lots of backtracking and pseudo-scholarship about “OK, so the world didn’t end on the stroke of midnight, Jan. 31, 1999 - what this means is that the monks in the 14th century goobered the calendar up and the year 2000 really begins on March 19, 2003, blah blah blah, so that’s when the world will really end.” Maybe there’s been some of that but I haven’t seen it.’
I collect (not a large collection, but I grab what I can find) that sort of stuff. Like records of preachers in the 1980’s who said that the Soviet Union was going to march on Israel by Y2K. The message morphed a bit when Soviet influence started waning and Iraq became more of an issue in the early 90’s (may explain why some of them support the war in Iraq). I’ve meant to keep track of these preacher’s names and see if they’ve amended any of their statements since then. It’s funny ’cause I’m pretty sure that the Bible itself says that Jesus’ return will happen at a time when nobody expects it; i.e. after these folks stop getting financial mileage out of selling “end times” fantasies. So all of those people who think they can hasten the apocalypse are just doing bad things for no reason. I believe the phrase is “not even the angels in heaven” know when Christ will return. So wasting time and energy pursuing these fantasies isn’t even supported by the scriptures that many of them profess to believe.
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:17
…“if they were confronted with a mortal confrontation”…
Heh. I write crappy bits like that all the time, but I catch most of them in proofreading.
DMOP and many other cheetobloggers don’t bother with the proofreading. I can’t imagine how they manage not to die of embarrassment, but that ability is central to being a wingnut.
Mr. Unhinged said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:18
Seriously, who gave this dumb cobag a Ph.D? She can’t write. She can’t think. My only consolation is that she also can’t prescribe drugs.
Peter Principle said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:18
Every once in a while I go down to my basement library and re-read a book by gun expert Jeff Cooper . . . just to keep myself in a self-defense mindset.
That way, he’ll be ready when President Obama, Vice President Louis Farakhan and their army of scary black men come to take his guns away.
Peter Principle said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:19
Sorry, I meant “she’ll be ready.” I thought we were talking about the original nutty Ole Perfesser here.
coozledad said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:20
I guess I have many of the trappings of a survivalist nutcase. The isolated farm, a couple of guns, some livestock. But without cash, and with most rural and suburban populations collapsing back into the few remaining food distribution nodes, a battle of all against all in the US, would clearly result in slow starvation for me and my wife, even if we managed not to piss off the local warlord.
These people need to clean the shit out of their shorts and get a fucking grip.
nolo said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:22
Andrew, you are very wise. g also.
We Love America More Than Anyone. » deep thought of the day. said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:23
[...] are you reading this blog, when you could be reading these guys? Filed under: Whatevs — JasonC @ 1:23 [...]
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:24
After reading that article Sniper linked to, I’m twice as annoyed. “Always be on guard…unless it’s a guy trying to molest you, then it’s okay!”
With a side dish of, “What’s a virtuous woman doing in a bar, anyway?”
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:24
…i.e. after these folks stop getting financial mileage out of selling “end times” fantasies.
Fascinating. Maybe they’re even preventing the end of the world, because they figure out the next scheduled appearance of Jesus, which has to be re-scheduled because nobody’s supposed to know about it. No wonder He’s going to be so pissed when He returns!
I’d meant to write “Dec. 31, 1999″ instead of the Jan. 31 I wrote, but looks like you took my meaning.
I found the calendar-ticking-over event to be one of the stupidest imaginable causes for the end of the world. Amazing how many people don’t realize that it isn’t the same year everywhere; if 2000-ness caused such awful destruction Thailand would have disappeared in about 1457 A.D. I guess only the Christian calendar matters, and probably the time zone would have to be the one New York City is in, or maybe somewhere in Gary’s Heartland.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:24
Idiots. Effin’ idiots.
I will continue to assert that Humans evolved from two ancestors. the Chimp and the Bonobo.
MDOP obviously has a Chimp for a relative.
Me? Considering my penchant for Teh Hottness, I’m guessing Bonobo.
SamFromUtah said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:26
…Seriously, who gave this dumb cobag a Ph.D?
It is a psych Ph.D., yes? I would certainly not say that all psych Ph.D.s are idiots, but it’s a field in which some graduate schools set a pretty low bar.
melpomenh said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:27
I agree. That awareness has to come out of a direct relationship with people and the social landscape that they inhabit. It’s the same with all forms of discrimination; prejudice dissolves when you spend time with people and develop an understanding of their form of life.
Street sense. Definitely. I do find that you’re an exeption to the case…Most of the women that I know have at one point or another been apprehensive walking the streets at night. Even if they’re accompanied by a friend. I, personally never feel it, and it takes me a few seconds to recognize that look in women’s eyes for what it is.
Jason said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:28
A self-described conservative Christian I went to law school with kept a gun in his truck or on him at all times. One time when he was walking the mean streets of downtown Indianapolis in the early evening a man walked across the street towards him. Sensing doom, he pulled his gun on the guy and told him, ” this is going to stop right now.”
Whatever was going on stopped right then. This was about 8 or so years go.
Stefan said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:30
Wife and I were walking back to our car from having dinner out. Place was well lit and patrolled so I did not figure on any problems. But I detected footsteps other than our own behind us. I told my wife to keep walking and I slowed down my pace.
Oh my God! Footsteps….OTHER THAN OUR OWN!
OTHER THAN OUR OWN!!!!!
Gary Ruppert said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:32
The fact is, liberals are NOT prepared for what is coming, and that is an advantage we here in the Heartland will use to finally rid our nation of enemies within.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:34
That Shrine of the Mall Ninja is too funny. Way too funny.
Howler Monkey said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:35
“The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees”.
Sure and the fact that in her deepest post-apocalyptic fantasies, she (and others of her ilk) will finally be the one in charge. Its like, “well sheeit, now ah cain shoot anyone and anything I feel lahk cuz ahm th’ boss hog now”
…Or she just really really wishes that Ted Nugent would warm to her form.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:35
Gary, you’re a sick bastard. Straight up, no chaser. Sick.
kth said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:36
Someone as fucked up as she is definitely should not be counseling people, or giving psychiatric advice/consultations of any kind.
Girl from UNCLE said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:38
Conservative - Man is an individual, pitted against the world. An independent loner, bravely making his way. A lion.
Wait a minute, the lion depends on a harem of lionesses to bring home the food and raise the kids. All the lion does is sleep and boink…never mind, it is a pretty good idea of what wingnut utopia would be like.
PS: That picture of Patrick Stewart is lowering my productivity today.
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:38
Is that even the real Gary? I can’t tell the difference between Ruppert and Ruppertesque parody anymore.
Dan Someone said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:38
She instead goes down to her basement and reads a book. A BOOK. This has to be the least self-defense-y thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.
Hold on a minute there. Didn’t someone suggest that students facing a rampaging gun massacre could use their books as a shield or even fling it at the assailant? Didn’t he propose giving students Kevlar-covered books for just such an eventuality? I think one should keep an armored book by one’s side at all times, just in case.
JK said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:41
Confronted by a confrontation! What a wordsmith! You know what I often wonder, Dr.? Why people who have never, ever been confronted with a mortal confrontation are so freakin’ certain about how they would react and behave.
mikey said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:43
Although Col. Cooper’s politics were significantly to the right of Dick Cheney’s, he was a brilliant, thoughtful man who wrote well and expounded on some very good attributes, such as confidence, competence, discipline, learning and thinking. He made major contributions to combat pistolcraft (the so-called “Modern Technique”) and to riflery (the “Scout Rifle” concept”). And no, one does not have to be a paranoid wannabe nutjob to want to train and become skilled with firearms. Some people sew. Some sail. Some shoot.
As someone noted above, Cooper did not encourage people to look for confrontation, indeed, he always suggested avoiding it. It’s a funny thing, to me at least. People train in a “martial art” like kung fu or karate and they are admired for their training and discipline and skills. Train in a martial art like combat pistolcraft and you are judged to be some kind of looney.
Please also bear in mind that wingnuts tend to be people who TALK about shooting, not actually the people who put the time and effort into developing their skills and capabilities…
mikey
Chris Tucker said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:43
Hello, Gary! Corrupt any minors today?
rotwang said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:55
The “Iron Man” trailer is cool. If we all had Iron Man suits, people would be a lot more polite, and “parking lot” encounters would be rare.
Also, we could fly…and we’d all have expressionless robot faces Ruppert could relate to, since he’s just an algorithm.
If more liberals had Iron Man suits, I think we’d stop being perceived as “soft” on National Security. And not the clunky Mark I version with the flamethrowers. I’m talking the full-on Mark III.
Food for thought, Mark Penn. Forget healthcare. Promise us Iron Man suits = Hillary landslide.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 20:57
Also, we could fly…and we’d all have expressionless robot faces Ruppert could relate to, since he’s just an algorithm.
I started trying to make a JanusNode Gary but it just wasn’t that funny.
Mike Nilsen said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:04
It’s like all the ‘Great Generation’ folks that swore they were fighting WWII “so their children can grow up in a world without war”. As soon as we reach a point where America can grow a couple of generations who don’t get immediately drafted at the age of 18, they start griping that “the kids have it too soft,” and “they need a war to toughen them up.” Wasn’t that the whole fucking point????
Rugged in Montana said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:06
All law abiding American citizens should be permitted without restriction to own and carry any kind of firearm they chose. I personally carry a Glock 32C .357 SIG semi automatic handgun out in the open as it is permitted in Montana and should be permitted in all 50 States and Territories. Also when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back. The .30- 06 Springfield is one of the most powerful cartridges ever made and easily cuts through cover. All Federal gun control legislation should be repealed starting with the 1934 Gun Registration Act.
nitpicker said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:06
Funny thing: The historian Edward Gibbon in Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire actually blamed said decline and fall on exactly the same sort of thing Missus Professor is talking about. Now, I know you’ve been told that Rome fell because of sodomites and boobs in movies (or something), but Gibbon argued that it was the loss of a warrior spirit. However, he attributed this loss to the rise of a then-new liberal peacenik movement known as Christianity.
So, there you go. You want a country of macho, gun-toting tough guys? First you have to get rid of that hippie hanging around (literally) in the churches.
Jacob Singer said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:09
What Mikey said.
Plus, I think a few more trained, gun-ownin’ liberals would scare the living bejeebus out of the Gary Rupperts of the world.
Chris Tucker said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:09
Rugged in Montana, sorry to hear about your tiny, useless penis.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:11
It’s just the parody troll, compleat with miss spelling.
On the other hand:
Speechifying
Man, Bush doesn’t even bother to try anymore.
…”If you murder innocents to achieve a political objective, you’re evil.” Indeed.
-Atrios 13:14
Holy crap.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:11
Rugged in Montana is the OG Mall Ninja? Who knew?
Hey buddy! Where I come from bragging about your weapons is a sure sign that you are compensating for the less than ginormous size of your God-given ‘weapon’.
I bet you drive a big truck, too.
Thought so.
Rugged in Montana;’s new name is Pinky.
Please refer to him by the official moniker from here on out.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:12
Dammit, Chris. You beat me to it!
Sniper said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:12
Jesus, “Rugged” what the hell are you afraid of?
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:14
Sniper-
That’s “Pinky” to you.
John Yoo said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:17
”If you murder innocents to achieve a political objective, you’re evil.”
This excludes murdering, but not killing or deathifying.
Nylund said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:18
Regarding that comment, I would say that a person who violently spins around and threatens someone violently with their keys STARTED the confrontation, not preventing it.
And Jesus, I get asked for change about 10 times a day. Do I pull weapons on them? NO! Why? Because I’m not a psycho, and I think some of those people may actually need a little help.
When did these wackos throw, “Love thy neighbor” out the window and replace it with, “threaten thy neighbor with whatever weapon you have most readily available.”
And reading a book about self-defense is like watching a soloflex infomercial and calling it a workout.
Howler Monkey said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:20
“I personally carry a Glock 32C .357 SIG semi automatic handgun out in the open as it is permitted in Montana”
Well, hell. That pretty much “shoots” my grand plan of opening a Montana Code Pink Chapter right in the ol’ keester now don’t it?
And Mr Rugged, I have a magnifying glass and tweezers to help locate your poor, lost needle-shlong.
SenderC said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:22
I feel naked without my BFG 3000.
EJ said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:22
Well, I’m 35, so I grew up during the golden age of post-apocalyptic sci-fi. As a result, I know for certain that if a nuclear war/environmental catastrophe/whatever destroyed society I would instantly turn into a total badass road warrior type, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.
However I stopped actually saying this out loud when I was about 12 or so. How these people can do it with a straight face is beyond me.
Legalize said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:24
“The one thing that really baffles me about people like Mrs. Perf is that they seem to enjoy fantasizing about living in a post-apocalyptic hellhole where they have only their wits and their guns to keep ‘em alive from the savage enemies who want to steal their iPods and flat-screen teevees.”
They behave this way, waving their cocks around, because they know that they will never actually be forced into a situation where they will ever have to demonstrate any measure of physical courage - ever. Any of them. In the mean time, they can all assemble in each others’ basements and read books about what it would be like if they ever had to endure any measure of physical activity - and then blog about it.
PeeJ said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:25
OT but I just watched a clip the General put together from Laura Ingraham’s off -air rant.
It’s teh funny. Funny in that sad, sad way of course.
MB said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:25
Yeah, Chris, but I’m sure he has an *amazing* tactical holster for the thing.
Clifford Kincaid said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:26
“I go down to my basement library”
At first I thought - who the hell has a library in their basement? But then it occurred to me that she probably has one of those pants-pissing rooms that Jodie Foster had in some movie she was in. Freak out room? scaredy cat room? oh, wait a minute, panic room, that’s it. She has one of those panic rooms where she can go to feel safe.
Jacob Singer said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:26
And reading a book about self-defense is like watching a soloflex infomercial and calling it a workout.
Can’t say I completely agree with this. A book on self-defense could well be very informative, just like any other book on real-world scenarios.
Having said that, Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor is still a loon.
Clifford Kincaid said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:27
“I know for certain that if a nuclear war/environmental catastrophe/whatever destroyed society I would”
have a taking dog.
duleerius b0h0 said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:27
h0b03s r dayngerus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freight_Train_Riders_of_America
Din’t u c Empire of The North?
sophie brown said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:28
I think what a lot of these folks desire is the right to dispense their own justice. Some low life asks you for a dollar? BOOM! In the words of the immortal Toby Keith, You gotta saddle up your boys and you gotta draw a hard line, y’know?
Southern Beale said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:29
After having just read Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, I think everyone who fantasizes about a post-apocalyptic world (and that includes sci-fi authors) should read that.
I read that last year when the Bush government was floating “wouldn’t it be awesome to bomb Iran” trial balloons. Scared the bejeeezus out of me.
Look, maybe it would help if we treated fear like a drug. It’s addictive. It’s like heroin. All those changes in serotonin and hormones and all that other stuff … it alters brain chemistry. And some people get hooked on it.
I have zero scientific background to back this up, BTW. It’s just common sense to me.
duleerius b0h0 said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:30
Tactical Holster!?
She is Glenn’s “Tactical Holster”!
This is my rifle
This is my gun
gbear said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:31
The fact is, Gary Ruppert is a heterosexual, but no one knows that yet.
Jim said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:33
In rural areas? Who could blame you?
Those goddamn cows are asking for it, with their butterfly knives and tactical suitcase nukes.
And their guns.
mroberts said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:38
Yeah, I’ve often thought that Grover Norquist should put his money where is mouth is and move to his most blissful spot on the earth - Iraq. But Somalia is a pretty darned good place for him, too. Until he does, nobody should listen to a word he says. Well, no one should do that anyway.
gbear said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:38
Another fact is, Dick Cheney actually shot an old man in the face and then made him apologize for it.
DAS said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:38
The real question is, if all grocery stores suddenly disappeared, what would wingnuts do without the ability to make their own Cheetos? - r€nato
They would have to hire people with mad chemistry and f00d ski11z like me to make cheeto-like materials for them.
But then people like me would only do so if the wingnuts cooperate and forswear their wingnuttery. But seeing their dream/nightmare scenario come true, they’ll have done so anyway … faster than you can say “soiled pants”.
owlbear1 said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:40
I can tell you If stopped waving guns in peoples’ faces you would find a much friendlier world…
As a Native Montanan I would also like to add that we also consider people like “Rugged” an ‘accidental death’ just waiting to happen.
Howler Monkey said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:45
“when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back”
…Our Rugged Hero slogs his way across the Montana tundra, armed to the teeth against any eventuality…
His Quest?
To find the secret storehouse of Magic Seeds used to grow Cheetos. He knows well that full control of the Cheetos supply means WORLD DOMINANCE!
“HA HAH! then I can haz the golden goodness of those fluffy puffs all to myselfs” And I can haz Jonah Pantload to do my eevil bidding” “Grovel before Rugged puny humans!” Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
Ummm sorry about that. Just hadta.
D. Sidhe said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:45
I watch zombie movies to keep myself in a self-defense state of mind. But then, I’m actually having problems with zombies, so it does help. (Well, okay, but it’s like this: If I have to hallucinate zombies, I’m better off if my subconscious knows I can clobber them, since the zombies are coming from my subconscious–and my meds–in the first place.)
To be perfectly honest, a genuine self-defense state of mind is one where you don’t go near anyone, most especially including people you live with. Because they’re more likely to hurt you than anyone else. And even I’m not that paranoid, and I have something of a history of paranoia.
So the best self-defense state of mind? Don’t be noticed. Be ignored. Don’t fuck people over for fun or profit. Don’t go out of your way to hate people. And for chrissakes, don’t go out of your way to tell people you got mad kung fu skillz or guns or that you keep yourself in a self-defense state of mind. Because assholes often like a challenge.
Then all you have to worry about is zombies.
repigsLUVoxycontin said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:56
I think we should leave the wingnuts with their pizzle substitutes alone.
Let one of them sneak up on another one of them to beg for some cheetos, and have the 2nd start blasting the first while at the same time the 1st starts blasting away at the 2nd.
Just pop some popcorn and watch the fun. Just like going to see “Rambo XXI” but without the sticky floor.
g said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:58
when I am out in Rural areas I carry a M1A Battle Rifle strapped to my back
Great. So when you get lost in the wilderness, you can eat it and avoid starvation.
Thorlac said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:58
D. Sidhe speaks da TROOF! Frickin’ zombies…
Ginger Yellow said,
March 6, 2008 at 21:59
Fortunately, in a few years people will be able to get Combat Mind-set implants and we can banish the New Feminised Majority forever!
Monkay said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:02
The classic movie here is “Deathwish” starring Charles Bronson. He attracts armed muggers like a porch light attracts moths, quickly reduces the rate of violent muggings in New York City by 50%, then the police politely ask him to leave town (he’s making them look bad). A better movie on a ~ theme is Spaceman .
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:06
The classic movie here is “Deathwish” starring Charles Bronson.
Deathwish III. “What the shit?”
mikey said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:13
Nah. I’m gonna recommend “Into the Night”.
Gotta be one of my favorite movies.
Goldblum handles it all, murderers, smugglers, assassins, madmen and corrupt cops without ever picking up a gun or firing a shot.
In the final armed confrontation he tells the iranian crazy with the gun and the hostage such a depressing tale that the guy kills HIMSELF.
That’s the way you do it, chilluns…
mikey
rdale said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:13
Gods, don’t come to Eutaw, where gunz are positively worshipped. The Utah lege just finished with most of them slavering over their big manly powerful guns! Many of them carry them openly, and if they don’t, they wear a super special secret decoder pin to show they’re in the girl-haterz club.
Salt Lake Tribune, 3/3/08:
Lapel pin a tip-off to who’s packing heat on The Hill
By Robert Gehrke
The Salt Lake Tribune
The ubiquitous lapel pins that legislators wear can express a lot of things - support for a college, teachers, cancer research, or the troops. One pin - an innocuous looking red oval with a gold six-pointed star in the center - has its own special message: I’m packing a gun.
http://www.sltrib.com//ci_8443335?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib.com
For a long time I had a hard time understanding the obsession with guns in this state, but then I figured this out: in anything you read, substitute the word “penis” for the word “gun,” and it makes perfect sense.
mark said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:16
picture of Ole Perf saving the world: http://members.aol.com/shadoemagic/mgross/tremors13.jpg
W. Kiernan said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:17
Quick IQ test! There has been an apocalyptic disaster. Cities are in ruins. There’s no teevee, no cell phones, no internet, no electric power and no running water. Now for 100% of your final score, the question is: What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?
a.) A gun
b.) A shovel
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:20
Death Wish III:
Bennett: They call him “The Giggler”.
Paul Kersey: Jesus, he really moves.
[...]
Tulio: They killed the Giggler, man!
Fraker: They had no business doing that. None.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:22
What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?
My laser eyes.
Tim (the Other One) said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:26
I’d say we go to the Apocalypse with the Cheetos we have, not necessarily the Cheetos we want.
Smut Clyde said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:26
Is the betting open yet on what qualities Saul / Booger / Rugmont will claim for himself when he adopts his next persona? My hunch is that he will be a NSA analyst who spends his working day reading and integrating TSC intercepts between Iran and Hizbollah, giving him special insights into the threats they pose to world peace. I wouldn’t be surprised if he claimed to be a Farsi linguist as well.
Matt T. said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:29
A BOOK. This has to be the least self-defense-y thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.
I dunno. I’ve run off a couple ruffians threatening to beat them about the head and kidneys with copies of Godel, Escher, Bach and Mason & Dixon until they spat teeth and pissed blood. A futher thought…all the talk of “effiminate” societies and the “feminization” of societies is just too precious when matched with all the pistol stroking. I mean, I don’t want to think all these yay-hoos are pitiful closet cases, but they make it so tough not too. Smoke a bowl, calm down, and cheer up, it may never happen.
jenniebee said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:29
They should do like Inspector Clousseau and hire oriental manservants to attack them suddenly and without warning. Then they’d be ready to intercept any interlopers trying to get too close to their kitchen countertops.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:32
Is the betting open yet on what qualities Saul / Booger / Rugmont will claim for himself when he adopts his next persona?
I was impressed with Booger’s hospital job; there was a smidge of verisimilitude there.
How about, oh I dunno, an ass-kicking version of BLT? Salt-of-the-Earth struggling musician touring the land, maybe working security at Garth Brooks shows with bar-gigs on the side.
Blue Buddha said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:36
Sounds like a diet that’s high in iron.
g said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:38
Heh indeedy.
Let me tell you about the only guy I know who has a concealed-carry permit and actually does carry a weapon routinely.
He was working the run of a show at the theatre, and went to dinner on the break between the matinee and the evening show. He came back to work having had a couple of beers, and while trying to find street parking, he got in a little dispute with another driver and pulled his gun on the guy.
Fortunately, the other guy backed off and moved his car. But he watched my friend go into the theatre, so he knew where he worked. And he happened to know someone in management, so he complained and my friend got suspended for a little while.
I told my friend he was fortunate it worked out that way. Otherwise he could have ended up in jail instead.
Howler Monkey said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:39
What would be the most useful tool to have at hand?
Huh huh. He said “tool to have at hand” Beavis. Tool, hand. get it?
guffaw!
Actually end of the world stuff? Well then. Several bottles of really good sippin’ tequila and an obliging babe would set me up fine. I’ll worry about the rest of the crap later if I can. Keep your guns - and shovels too for that matter.
Matt T. said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:40
RB,
You do know Bronson and whatshisname made two more sequals to Death Wish, don’t you? That’s a total of five - count ‘em, five - flicks where an increasingly decripit Charles Bronson has go out to administer justice in such a manner to give the average glibertarian at least a five-second boner. It’s pretty fucking pitiful, too, especially Death Wish V.
And Bronson spoke out against vigilantism in general and that Goetz cat in particular in the early ’80s. He still kept making them awful movies, though.
Smut Clyde said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:41
Come the collapse of civilisation as we know it, my plan is to become the tribal repository of random information, so the rest of the tribe will shield me from danger.
“So, Clan of the Cave Beer, it seems that confrontation is unavoidable. Then let it be a one-to-one contest. In pedantry. Bring out your champion; for our clan, we have Smut.”
Tim (the Other One) said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:45
Smut, I think a “random information” cage match would be awesome !
Smut Clyde said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:45
This is also good advice for all the zombies reading this.
shaun said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:47
Thinking that someone is wrong to read a book on self-defense in their basement because, in your opinion, it’s an “extremely sub-normal” thing to do is the definition of censorship.
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:47
Ha!
Brother Yam said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:47
If they love free fire zones, places where the gubmint doesn’t interfere with the g-d given rights and are wet for target rich environments — they should get their libertarian asses to Somalia.
Or Afghanistan.
No gubmint there to tell ‘em what to do…
t4toby said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:50
We know, shaun, we know.
White dudes are the Jews of American Fascism. Which is central to your point.
But let me see:
Thinking something is censorship? What planet are you from?
I think you may want to break out the old dictionary and look up the word ‘censorship’. Just sayin’.
J— said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:53
Great, now I’m burning away the afternoon hours going through Jeff Cooper’s Commentaries, looking for goodies. For example:
And:
And, of course, the 9/11 special edition.
sophie brown said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:53
t4toby:
don’t blame shaun. shaun is riffing on corby-something or something-corby from yesterday.
FGFM said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:54
He made major contributions to combat pistolcraft (the so-called “Modern Technique”) and to riflery (the “Scout Rifle” concept”).
Thanks, but I’ll stick with the Patton Saber.
Smut Clyde said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:54
I think a “random information” cage match would be awesome !
Trivial Pursuits Deathmatch? Sounds like a concept for a movie. Dibs on Dolph Lundgren for the lead role.
I suspect that Shaun is taking the piss.
Matt T. said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:54
t4toby,
Maybe he’s making fun of that thick-headed rascal from yesterday evening. Otherwise it makes no damn sense whatsoever.
Man, that guy was a piece of work. Like trying to argue with my brother when he’s just trying to piss me off by being obtuse and changing the definitions of words.
Mr. Unhinged said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:56
I would’ve pressed charges. Probably sued as well. If you don’t get the cops and courts involved, Mr. Little Dick’s still gonna be walking around with his legally concealed piece.
And really, just suspended? Motherfucker boozes up and pulls a gun on someone during a shift break, and all he gets is suspended?
MrWonderful said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:57
“Some useful bits of information that Cooper provides is that one must train himself into a state of mind in which the sudden awareness of peril does not surprise him.”
This woman is an academic? No, wait. This woman is an adult? Some useful bits “is”? “One” must train “himself”? Is English her first language?
I need *answers,* damn it.
Hoosier X said,
March 6, 2008 at 22:58
I think shaun was making fun of one of yesterday’s commenters.
I think.
It is hard to tell sometimes.
Chris Tucker said,
March 6, 2008 at 23:00
Oh, and a closing thought for Rugged:
If you can’t do the job with a stock Colt 1911 with 8 rounds of .45 FMJ & iron sights, you can’t do the job with some glow in the dark plastic wondergun shooting .38 Specials on steroids.
Element 5 said,
March 6, 2008 at 23:00
Now don’t get all up in “Rugged in Montana”s grill, he’s probably carrying because he’s fearful he’s gonna run into the Mrs. Ole Perfesser…
By the way Rugged, why dontcha switch to the Glock .45 and a .308, rather than those pussy guns yer totin’?
Righteous Bubba said,
March 6, 2008 at 23:01
You do know Bronson and whatshisname made two more sequals to Death Wish, don’t you?
Yeah, but director Michael Winner was ON FIRE for Death Wish III. There was this one crane shot looking down on Ed Lauter as he stands in the middle of the street firing at some off-screen punker/gang member who was high in a building…then Ed does a Bluto Blutarsky kinda shuffle and fires at another off-screen guy on the other side of the street…the whole shot had a kind of palsied ballet feel to it.
Really a good choice to laugh at.
J— said,
March 6, 2008 at 23:05
Cooper (from Gavin’s addition):
Let alone a ship big enough to carry them all.
Hey, all you Atlantic slave trade scholars. You must now rethink everything you thought you knew about your subject, because the Cooper Thesis changes everything. This is the pioneering argument that posits the forced migration of millions of Africans happened all at once.
dt said,
March 6, 2008 at 23:07
quote—>
I hate to ramble, but remember also that much of what fuels this is the millennial viewpoint held by certain Christians. The idea being that supposedly the “last days” will be filled with the type of chaos where these sorts of survival skills would be necessary.