26
Kiss-Ass Off the Starboard Bow
Special Ed today:
Today brings exciting news and an end to a time in my life that has proven far more successful than I ever dreamed. Beginning on March 1, I will begin working for Michelle Malkin, a friend, mentor, and writer I have long admired. She has offered me a position as writer at Hot Air, and my blogging will appear exclusively there.
Called “Captain Ed” by his readers, Ed is a father and grandfather living in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, a native Californian who moved to the North Star State because of the weather.
Discuss.
H/T: Cole.
PS: The structure of this post has a kind of Eschaton feel to it, no?
PPS: Can I ‘frist’ my own post?
Gavin adds: Say, when last we left Cap’n Ed, weren’t we waiting for a retraction?
Above: How we left things with Ed
We also have some source images here from the World Beard and Moustache Championships. I’m just sayin’.
Me said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:25
Is a mentor by definition an older person? I’m asking seriously.
Barry Puppert said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:25
“Can I ‘frist’ my own post?”
You can.
Gundamhead said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:27
I thought “Special” Ed was supposed to be one of the less crazy 101st chairborne brigade members. So what’s he doing sucking up to Malkin? Guses I gave him to much credit. Seems he’s just another nut after all.
pedestrian said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:28
Dude… you’re still not getting laid.
Gundamhead said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:29
Oh yeah, and I agree with Cole that these folks should all consolidate onto one giant website o’ crazy. Make things a lot easier for you guys.
luneylegume said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:30
Michelle Malkin is a younger avatar to Captain Ed ? That feels a Joan of Arc redux . It is about time someone made a saint out of a sows ear
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:32
Ed is a father and grandfather
I hope more than one child is involved.
pedestrian said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:39
I hope more than one child is involved.
Well… if you count the mother…
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:40
Gawd, ANOTHER one of those losers living in my towns? I hope his head exploded today when the MN house and senate overrode one of goldenboy Tim Pawlenty’s vetos of a transportation bill (why yes, we ARE the state of collapsing freeway bridges, thanks for asking). The veto override was a thing of bea-yoo-ty for those of us wanting to see Smug Tim get knocked down a notch. Anyway, what was my point, oh yea, the remark about moving for the weather is too bizarre for me to fathom. What a fucking shmoo.
Not that Louis said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:45
Hey, gbear, does he live in our towns or is he out in Apple Valley?
Lesley said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:45
It takes one to know one seems to be the theme here.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:45
PS The structure of this post has a kind of Eschaton feel to it, no?
You gotta have a link on most of a word – but not all – somewhere.
Dan Someone said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:45
I believe “fristing one’s own post” is a euphemism for what, in an Official Sadly, No! Day By Day Remix would be represented by the sound effect “fap fap fap.”
Smiling Mortician said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:46
DA, as long as you and your post are both consenting adults, I don’t see why not.
Lesley said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:47
Hey, I wonder if they’ll go a-stalkin’ together the next time someone collects on their health insurance policy.
Ditto for the next cheerleader video. Grampa in the background in shorts?
Smiling Mortician said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:47
Oops. Dan got there first. Er, frist!
Lesley said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:48
by shorts, I meant hot pants.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:55
I don’t know, NTLouis. Anything north of Des Moines is way too close.
Apple Valley is part of the evil republican donut that surrounds Mpls & StP, but I count the donut as part of the Twin Cities.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:56
Fristing one’s own post causes hair to grow on one’s keyboard.
Snorghagen said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:59
Michelle Malkin is forcing Ed Morrissey to wear hot pants? Are there no limits to the evils humanity must endure?!
Susan of Texas said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:59
“Writer” is an exhaulted way of referring to her mixture of spleen, bile and spittle.
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:06
Hmm.
A MetaDiscussion of a MetaPost on a third rate blog with MetaReferences to other blogs.
Gee. I love being an insider and all, ’cause it makes me feel, well, all inside and shit. Kind of spleen and liver inside.
And you KNOW I love the funny. ‘Cause, well, it’s funny and shit.
I think I’ll go in the kitchen now…
mikey
Ralph Nader said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:07
Hey, I heard about this groovy website called Sadly, No!, so I’m just here to say, if you want to send a message to The Man, vote for me, Ralph Nader, in 2008:
http://www.draftnader.org/
Ralph Nader said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:08
Oh, yeah, also visit here:
http://www.votenader.org/
Fight the Power!
EnfantTerrible said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:13
Called “Captain Ed” by his readers, Ed is a father and grandfather living in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, a native Californian who moved to the North Star State because of the weather.
I get it. Captain Ed moved to Minnesota to experience weather. He’s trying to be Garrison Keillor funny.
The Leprechaun from The Simpsons said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:16
Now, you know what ye have to do now, Ralph? Burn them! Burn them all!
John O said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:17
Wingnuttery Central would certainly be convenient, especially for the proprieters of this blog.
But I don’t get it. I thought the good Cap’n was known as a “reasonable” conservative? Certainly throwing his lot to the shithole will hurt this image?
Count me as an absolute “no” vote for media consolidation in the final analysis.
Lakeesha Shaidle said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:21
Ed will not be happy in his new life; he occasionally admits he was wrong, which is a severe character flaw in Wingnuttia.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:22
I thought the good Cap’n was known as a “reasonable” conservative?
Reasonable conservative being a dishonest wanker, rather than batshit insane?
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:24
Hey Ralph, I noticed that the ‘Share With Others’ link on your site only has comments left by YOU YOU YOU. Thanks for sharing.
I just barely skimmed thru the list of names on his petition, but I didn’t see even one joke name in the lot. Not one Ben Dover, no Eileen Sideways. What a humorless list of names. This ain’t no party…
Smiling Mortician said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:24
Ralph, I know it’s been said before, but it bears saying again.
J— said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:27
Ditto for the next cheerleader video. Grampa in the background in shorts?
by shorts, I meant hot pants.
Soundtrack.
PSA said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:38
Hot Air has opened up comment registration to mark this special occasion.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:44
I think I read, I forget where exactly, but anyway I think I read somewhere, or maybe heard it from someone who said they read it someplace, I’m not sure which, but anyway the point is that, according to this source, is that Michelle ass-fucks all of the male bloggers she works with. I either read it, or somebody told me, I forget which, but apparently Michelle is seriously into rough anal sex with wingnut guys. Lots of guys.
So, do you think maybe that’s what the captain is all excited about – that he’s gonna get to try anal sex? Is that what Michelle’s mentoring him in?
I dunno, has anyone else heard of this? Or am I mixing her up with someone else, maybe?
Me said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:44
That beard and mustache championship thing is awesome. I’ve had a beard and mustache my entire adult life, and I never knew such a thing existed. Of course, the “work” I put into my own facial hair consists of keeping articles of food out of it. Mostly.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:50
I dunno, has anyone else heard of this? Or am I mixing her up with someone else, maybe?
I think I read that on the innert00bz somewhere, so that’s like two places already.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:52
As always, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.
Gary Ruppert said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:57
The fact is, HEARTLAND, you fuckers!!!~!1
Arky - Future Secretary of Kill Straighty said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:08
I salute those of you who can think about MM wearing a strap on without puking out your own colons.
Now if you’ll excuse me [Blooooorgh!]
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:08
heartland = rat handle
SamFromUtah said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:14
John Cole demoted Special Ed to the “Blogs we Mock” roll just in time.
Ozymandias, king of kings said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:20
I salute those of you who can think about MM wearing a strap on without puking out your own colons.
Help a fellow out… how do I distinguish the colon from the rest of these entrails?
ahem said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:24
Typo fixed.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:27
More Cap’n Ed with facial hair
Dagoril said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:27
Wow, I guess being young and seeing your girlfriend in a coma can really bring out the wingnut in a impressionable, asexual musician.
I know, I know…it’s serious.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:27
Hey, my link wuz eated
http://rightwingsnarkle.blogspot.com/2008/02/wheres-outrage11.html
ahem said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:28
via Cole the Mountaineer’s comments:
Ooh, intrigue. Mister Leonard Pierce may have something to say about that.
Jennifer said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:33
Uh, oh…D. Aristophanes…for your frist transgression, Me pre-emptively ordered to you to “eat a giant bag of dicks”, I think the phrase was….
Jennifer said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:39
The really sad news is that noted assclown Bryan Preston is leaving. Captain Ed has some big shoes to fill in the insane “Libruls hate America and Freedom and Jesus” ranting department.
Maybe they should hook up with Ed Anger. I hear he’s not real busy since the Weekly World News folded…and there’s no sense in him just wasting time hanging around getting drunk with BatBoy all day in BatBoy’s mother’s basement, particularly when repetitive use of the term “pig-biting mad” would be so very useful and appropriate in virtually every post at Malkin’s site…
Hysterical Woman said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:40
If that was really Nader, I feel sorry for his campaign. Not sorry enough to vote for him, of course, but…
Me said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:41
Uh, oh…D. Aristophanes…for your frist transgression, Me pre-emptively ordered to you to “eat a giant bag of dicks”, I think the phrase was….
You noticed. You noticed!
J— said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:52
Malkin yesterday:
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:03
One thing I have learned from that picture of Capt. Ed. is that using one’s earlobe hair in a comb-over does not count as ‘balding with dignity’.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:20
It is with regret that I announce that Bryan Preston has left the company. He has chosen to take a position as a producer with the Laura Ingraham radio show.
Onwards and downwards!
Arky "I just get these headaches" The Blasphemer said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:21
Dagoril wins the Internons.
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:39
Damn. You REALLY don’t have to have any skills to work in right wing noise.
Ah well. I probably would have failed…
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:44
Hey gang? My hare just died. What she had was a twisted throat and if I had the money she would have lived many more months. She never did anything wrong…
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:47
Is a mentor by definition an older person? I’m asking seriously.
Wikipedia informs me that rather than “protégé” or “mentoree”, the proper pedantic-wanker term for the person who is being mentored is the telemachus. The challenge now is to find a way of using that in conversation.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:48
RB, you could have just let her loose in my neighborhood. The bunny popiulation went way down when homeless people started living on the river flats below my house.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:50
Smut, howabout this: You can tell a wingnut, but you can’t telemachus.
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:51
What she had was a twisted throat
Yeah. That shit can fuck you up.
Related conditions include twisted soul, twisted point of view and twisted sense of humor.
These are frequently less likely to be fatal.
But lets face it. Rabbits can, in addition to being naked and believable, be quite fragile.
And delicious, in a hot saute with peppers and taro…
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:57
Hello… My ibex just died. I don’t know how he got stuck in that net. I blame the grief-inducing hard body.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 6:57
bunny popiulation
popiulation? sheesh. way past bedtime….
& yes. I agree that bunnies do taste good.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:00
They are pretty tasty. I was kind of wondering how you’d confess that your bunny had a twisted throat…
Fozzetti said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:01
http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg205/fozzetti/ed-morrisseycopy.jpg
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:02
http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg205/fozzetti/ed-morrisseycopy.jpg
Heh. Promises something for everyone.
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:07
Hell, for that matter I reckon a braised Ibex, once you take out the net, would be pretty damn good too.
I’m thinking over rice with a rich Bearnaise sauce…
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:11
The grief-inducing hard body could help.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:12
5 months ago my pigheaded beaver died. What she had was an infected carapace and if I had the money she would have lived many more minutes. I’m sure you know a beaver requires strength but I had no strength left.
Fozzetti said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:14
Rabbits eat their own poop! It’s a type or rumination. Poor things! And yet, they’re sooo cute!
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:14
While it is universally agreed that they are wonderful eating, I don’t recommend cooking a beaver…
mikey
Fozzetti said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:15
Is this blog on european time? Because it’s 10:18 pm here, still the 25th.
J— said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:19
Wikipedia informs me that rather than “protégé” or “mentoree”, the proper pedantic-wanker term for the person who is being mentored is the telemachus. The challenge now is to find a way of using that in conversation.
Captain Ed is Stephen Dedalus!
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:20
Sadly HQ is in Germany.
Subtract two from your local and flippity floppity your Anti and your Post.
Adjust date accordingly.
Daylight time, Subtract three.
If you’re not in pacific timezone, do your own damn algorithm…
mikey
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:39
Fozzetti said, February 26, 2008 at 7:01
Cap’n’s lookin’ frisky
g said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:43
dunno, has anyone else heard of this? Or am I mixing her up with someone else, maybe?
Oh, I don’tknow. But it sound like it might be true, so let’s go with it. Why not?
g said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:45
It is with regret that I announce that Bryan Preston has left the company.
heh. I knew when I saw those photos of them together at CPAC that something wasn’t working out.
tontocal said,
February 26, 2008 at 8:20
I imagine they’ve got some sort of minstrel show in the works
ortho_bob said,
February 26, 2008 at 8:34
Can someone puh-lease explain the DBD reaction to the announcement?
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2008/02/26/#a004518
Has he forgotten to paste the black dude into second panel? Or is Special Ed “fristing his own post” behind the sofa?
Crissa said,
February 26, 2008 at 8:39
The only reason to move to Minnesota from California is to roll the price of one’s ancestral home into a nice retirement package.
I wish I had an ancestral home.
FuriousGeorge said,
February 26, 2008 at 8:59
Bilbo Baggins is spinning in his grave.
Lesley said,
February 26, 2008 at 9:22
Captain Ed performs for his new audience.
Next up, breast beating while Michelle Malkin sqawks like a chicken.
filip zero said,
February 26, 2008 at 10:29
…We also have some source images here…
That’s a threat? Well, okay then.
Douglas Watts said,
February 26, 2008 at 10:33
My brain hurts.
Zuzu said,
February 26, 2008 at 13:56
Speaking of Day by Day :
What th’ … ??!!
Someone please explain this to me. Is she getting goosed by an invisible Cap’n or something? And liking it? Ewww.
And is the final panel really just some sort of entry for the Sadly,No! existential DbD punchline contest?
I don’t get it. :-(
(Sort of cross-posted from B-Juice. )
Zuzu said,
February 26, 2008 at 14:00
#
ortho_bob said,
February 26, 2008 at 8:34
Can someone puh-lease explain the DBD reaction to the announcement?
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2008/02/26/#a004518
Has he forgotten to paste the black dude into second panel? Or is Special Ed “fristing his own post” behind the sofa?
————————————————————-
Yeah, inquiring minds want to know.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 14:36
Cap’n = couch.
There.
Susan of Texas said,
February 26, 2008 at 14:56
Her can’t draw worth beans, can he? Her leg over the sofa looks like an alien appendage. Plus the punch line is stolen from a commercial. Imagine moving up in the world to Ingraham. It’s like gruaduating from cleaning up roakill to cleaning toilets.
spencer said,
February 26, 2008 at 15:04
Can someone point out an example of DBD that is neither a) an inscrutable non-sequitur, or b) an unfunny, gratuitous insult?
Because I’ve never seen one like that.
Zuzu said,
February 26, 2008 at 15:37
Plus the punch line is stolen from a commercial.
———————————————————————————
Oh … it’s coming clearer. Thanks.
So does Captain Morgan “sproing” people off the couch too?
Arky "I just get these headaches" The Blasphemer said,
February 26, 2008 at 15:54
Ed wishes he had that much hair. As for breast beating, I’m sure he’s got a fine pair of mudders.
Seitz said,
February 26, 2008 at 17:23
Called Captain Ed by his readers
Umm, doesn’t he call himself Captain Ed? I mean, the blog is called Captain’s Quarters. Nicknames don’t count if you give them to yourself.
ortho_bob said,
February 26, 2008 at 17:34
Will he still carry the honorific “Captain” at Hot Air or will he be promoted to Admiral Ed or Commander-of-the-Fleet Ed?
Or will he be Old Tugboat Ed, Comical Copy Boy and All Purpose Skivvy?
Susan of Texas said,
February 26, 2008 at 17:42
He’s Second Mate now. I guess that would mean Malkin is now Pirate Queen. And someone, I beg of you to photoshop that book cover.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 26, 2008 at 17:45
“Is there much opportunity for advancement?”
“Oh yeah, guv’nor … after five years, they let me have a brush!“
lobby said,
February 26, 2008 at 18:17
You guys… Fozzetti, I’ll never get that picture out my mind, and RIghtwingsnarkle, you owe me for a new keyboard, I just sprayed beer all over it…………………
Dan Someone said,
February 26, 2008 at 18:35
If you’re not in pacific timezone, do your own damn algorithm…
My algorithm here in the Central Ice Age Zone is as follows:
1. Take the time-stamp from a S,N! post or comment.
2. Don’t give a fuck about when it was posted.
3. Repeat as necessary.
Aces said,
February 26, 2008 at 19:17
This guy is a comedian,no?
“Today brings exciting news and an end to a time in my life that has proven far more successful than I ever dreamed”
If this is the END of the more successful period of his life why his he excited? Plus, with all respect to Twin Cities residents, why would anyone move there from Califonia for the WEATHER?
Am I missing something here?
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 21:59
why would anyone move there from Califonia for the WEATHER?
No, that’s fair enough. It’s in the tradition of moving to Casablanca for the waters.
Ben said,
February 27, 2008 at 2:00
Called “Captain Ed” by his readers, Ed is a father and grandfather living in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, a native Californian who moved to the North Star State because of the weather.
How much do ya wanna bet that he moved up there for the excellent conservative networking opportunities found in the Minneapolis airport lavatories.
It seems to have been a good career move.
Major Mel Funkshun said,
February 27, 2008 at 3:46
I think he’s now known as Cabin Boy Ed.
JasonC said,
February 27, 2008 at 6:22
hopefully, ed will move out there to be with his girlfriend… so i don’t have to smell his skank-ass around my city anymore.
stogoe said,
February 28, 2008 at 1:38
We don’t fucking want him, either, you gorram loon-fuckers.