26
Calibrating The Instruments
After our failure last time (see below), we’re determined to work the bugs out of the equipment. The first task is to achieve an accurate null-reading. Let’s zero out the settings.
Ah. As you can see, it looks perfect now.
Let’s input another set of quantities. Here’s a Matt post from Blogs For Victory (formerly Blogs For Bush):
Pictures are worth a thousand words…
February 25th, 2008 at 01:24pmUPDATE: Of course it’s a non-issue. I’m not suggesting it implies anything. What should be the topic is that the Hillary campaign is apparently behind the release of the photo…
UPDATE: How predictable… our friends on the left are apparently either too stupid realize or just don’t care that it was Hillary’s campaign that put the photo out, because they’re blaming us “right wingers” for daring to talk about it.
And here’s one from Mark:
More Knocks on Obama’s Afghan Story
February 25th, 2008 at 09:44am[...]
The question before us – if Obama secures the nomination – is whether or not we, the people of the United States of America, are willing to turn our government over to a man of such clearly substandard qualifications? There is, perhaps, a chance that a President Obama will be a quick study and become a competant President, but if he is elected he will be the first man so positioned in at least a century…
That seems about right, doesn’t it?
Jeez, I’m not seeing anything here that might be causing the problem.
Brad adds: Nothing is funnier than when people misspell “competent.” Nothing.
SamFromUtah said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:04
I’m not sure what’s causing the problems here.
There’s this sort of Heisenbergian trouble with measuring stupidity and dishonesty – the instruments start being dumb and lying too.
I’d say the calibration is looking better, but you need to have a licensed technician look at the Ignoramo-Equivocatometer every week or so if it’s in heavy use. Make sure their license is genuine, though.
erlking said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:04
From Der Nooner—-”There is, perhaps, a chance that a President Obama will be a quick study and become a competant President”
Mark, Mark, Mark. When bagging on someone’s skillz, no misspellings are allowed. It makes you look….erm,..incompetent.
Advantage: Stupid
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:08
Mark:
The question before us – if Obama secures the nomination – is whether or not we, the people of the United States of America, are willing to turn our government over to a man of such clearly substandard qualifications?
Ummm…ummmm…uhhhhh…
Jennifer said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:09
I dunno. I think Mark is both stupid and lying.
Check out the pic at the bottom of Matt’s Drudge link, of Bush in the Chinese dress. I’ve had a picture showing Bush wearing the same dress from that picture on my fridge for about 7 years now…I pasted it up next to Zippy in a Zippy the Pinhead cartoon, because they’re both wearing the same polka-dotted caftan. And, unsurprisingly, they both have the same expression on their faces.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:10
I always used to worry about the little needles on my meters when I’d zap the signal up to the top level. Please think of the instruments!
Duros62 said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:13
“Are you boys building an Interocitor in there?”
Jennifer said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:15
Mark:
The question before us – if Obama secures the nomination – is whether or not we, the people of the United States of America, are willing to turn our government over to a man of such clearly substandard qualifications?
Heh. Reminds me of the joke (said apocryphally to have been uttered by Churchill – Winston, not Ward) wherein he asks a woman if she would sleep with him for $1 million; the woman replies either that she would or would consider it; he then asks if she would sleep with him for $50, and the insulted woman replies, “of course not, what do you think I am?” Churchill or whoever says, “we’ve already established what you are; now we’re just haggling over the price.”
In other words, a complete lack of qualifications is ok if the candidate is a rich white Republican. Otherwise…not so much.
SpotWeld said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:30
According to that chart it’s hypothetically possible to be both “shrewd” and “stupid” at the same time…
Initially I thought that to be impossible, but then realization dawned. I dub that the “Donald Trump” singularity.
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:43
My Stupidity scale goes up to 11.
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:47
Jennifer, I think that your comparison of GWB to Zippy is grossly unfair. Zippy the Pinhead has MUCH more awareness of his surroundings than the chimp king has ever or will ever have.
JTabarlet said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:49
Smut Clyde,
Why not just make 10 the top number, and make that a little stupider?
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:50
we’re waiting, Smut….
mikey said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:53
I’m looking at the blue mark noonan dot in the center.
And I’m thinking, what if you put a yellow George W. Bush dot on that chart? It would first migrate to the center, then it would be pulled toward all four extremes, until it was ripped apart by the tidal forces nearing the event horizon at the nexus of shrewd, stupid, lying and feckless.
I hope the instruments have a “record” mode…
mikey
en_dash said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:55
Should this maybe a polar graph? Or could we somehow make stupid and lying converge at their extremes?
Jennifer said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:56
gbear said,
February 26, 2008 at 1:47
Jennifer, I think that your comparison of GWB to Zippy is grossly unfair. Zippy the Pinhead has MUCH more awareness of his surroundings than the chimp king has ever or will ever have.
Well, yeah, and Zippy never killed a million people, or left people to drown or starve, or sold us to the ChiComs…but they are both pinheads. And if you could see the paste-up on my fridge, you would see how uncanny the resmblance is. Personally, I think Bush is Zippy’s evil twin Lippy incarnated into three dimensions.
SamFromUtah said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:03
I think Bush is Zippy’s evil twin Lippy incarnated into three dimensions.
No way! Lippy is way more fiscally responsible.
jim said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:11
You know, the problem may stem from the difficulty of graphing “bullshit” onto a 2-dimensional graph of “stupid lying”.
Bullshit involved not even caring what you are saying is true or false; so it can be both stupid or lying, or in fact both. (Although at least for clarity’s sake, it can’t be neither.)
So, bullshit should perhaps be represented by a 3d graph, as the ‘Z’ axis? AKA the Axis of Weasel?
Pinko Punko said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:14
What is a good pun about the origin being called “milquetoast” in some language?
I love how the sine tone is kind of a little untrustworthy.
s9 said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:26
Accuracy seems okay, but precision leaves a lot to be desired.
Dorothy said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:28
You know, the problem may stem from the difficulty of graphing “bullshit” onto a 2-dimensional graph of “stupid lying”.
[...]
So, bullshit should perhaps be represented by a 3d graph, as the ‘Z’ axis? AKA the Axis of Weasel?
Back when I used to work with customer satisfaction measurement, we did some quadrant graphs with the size of the marker representing an added dimension. So a key driver like “tells me whatever I want to hear” would be shown by a 10 mm circle, less important factors like “tells me the the truth” could be a 5 mm circle, and completely insignificant factors like “knows the subject” and “is minimally competant” would be shown by a 2 mm circle.
Hm…of course, if you tried to use this method for the “bullshit” driver, the marker would cover the whole graph, wouldn’t it?
Dorothy said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:29
Dammit! I closed that tag! I swear I did!
Righteous Bubba said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:33
How do we work in that yodelly climby guy from the Price is Right?
pedestrian said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:48
According to that chart it’s hypothetically possible to be both “shrewd” and “stupid” at the same time…
Initially I thought that to be impossible, but then realization dawned. I dub that the “Donald Trump” singularity.
I think we should name each corner after the person who best exemplifies that quadrant. I second SpotWeld and submit the following:
Shrewd/Stupid: Donald Trump
Feckless/Stupid: Megan McArdle
Shrewd/Lying: Robert Novack
Feckless/Lying: Jonah Goldberg
Any other nominations?
J— said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:50
Run Swank or Pamela through the instrument and hope it don’t break.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:51
I like your thinking, J—. Especially if the instrument has, say, grindy gears.
Randomfactor said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:52
I see your problem. When dealing with stupid liars, the maths require you to divide by zero, and the graph accelerates to infinity rather quickly.
Principal Blackman said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:56
I am a bit concerned that we need some recalibration here if only because Matt Margolis is clearly stupider than Mark Noonan (who doesn’t exactly torch IQ tests, either). Noonan is certainly much screwier than Margolis, but if we’re comparing levels of pure, uncut stupid, Margolis wins. Or loses, I suppose.
robert green said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:57
where does “10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb bag” fit on that graph, as it is accurately descriptive of almost everyone on whom you report here at this fine website.
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 2:59
There is, perhaps, a chance that a President Obama will be a quick study and become a competant President, but if he is elected he will be the first man so positioned in at least a century…
If Noonan is asserting that Obama would be the first competent, willing-to-learn US President in at least a century, he’s exaggerating a bit, but he doesn’t really deserve so much ridicule.
Sadly, No! » Another reason to elect Hussein Obama X as Supreme Leader of Crackerland said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:12
[...] have been popping into my sexual fantasies. « Calibrating The Instruments [...]
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:18
Given that Noonan is founder of blogs for Bush, I think we must credit Markie with the ability to find a candidate with clearly substandard qualifications and continue to support him after he proves he is not a quick study and is in fact
a competant Presidentthe Worst President Ever.Me said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:23
Shorter blogsforvictory: a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’m sayin’ those words, I’m just sayin’.
ozymandias, king of kings said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:28
See, when choosing a wingnut, it is also important to consider their ability to accelerate from 0 to Stupid, as well as the quality of their writing (rated on the Swank scale from Incoherent to Utter Gibberish).
Also, if you can, our resident trolls clearly should be rated on pie chart of some kind.
Li'l Gary, House Troll said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:37
I dibs pecan for my pie chart. It’s the nuttiest.
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:38
A
nhistory of The Pie Chart since 1801.Dan Someone said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:41
If you want to solve the problem, have the chart inscribed on the inside (and hence outside) of a Klein bottle.
R. A. Lafferty said,
February 26, 2008 at 3:47
“Are you boys building an Interocitor in there?”
————————
“Can you handle involuted matrix, Maimonides-conditioned, third-aspect numbers in the Cauchy sequence with simultaneous non-temporal involvement of the Fieschi manifold?”
“Maurice, I can do it and fry up a bunch of eggs to go with it at the same time,” I tell him. Then I look him right in the middle of the eye. “Maurice,” I say, “you’re working on a nullifier.”
He look at me like he take me serious for the first time. He pull a sheaf of papers out of his shirt, and sure enough he is working on a nullifier — a sweet one.
“This isn’t an ordinary nullifier,” Maurice points out, and I see that it ain’t. “What other nullifier can posit moral and ethical judgments? What other can set up and enforce categories? What other can really discern? This will be the only nullifier able to make full philosophical pronouncements. Can you help me finish it, Proconsul?”
Daphne Chyprious said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:06
How about when they phonetically spell Phonics “Fonex”?
HP said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:28
The funniest part is using Kevin Drum for the calibration.
Brandi said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:13
I think Bush is Zippy’s evil twin Lippy incarnated into three dimensions.
Nah, he’s totally Mr. Toad (Bill Griffith’s version, that is; the Toad of Wind in the Willows is sort of likable).
en_dash said,
February 26, 2008 at 5:49
Has anyone ever heard K-Drum speak in person? Smart money says he doesn’t, and a sine tone just emanates from his forehead.
Jim Fowler said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:05
Make sure the the probes are firmly attached to the subject.
Stanley Milgram said,
February 26, 2008 at 7:54
Please continue.
The experiment requires that you continue.
It is absolutely essential that you continue.
You have no other choice, you must go on.
Rafar said,
February 26, 2008 at 11:46
“Brad adds: Nothing is funnier than when people misspell “competent.” Nothing.”
Not true. My favourite is “Grammer”.
uncle noel said,
February 26, 2008 at 17:36
Actual words of students:
“I want to go to collage.” (on an application)
“I am intelagent.”
“You be ignant.”
Rick Massimo said,
February 26, 2008 at 20:23
Also incorrect. It’s “eduction.”
freejack said,
February 26, 2008 at 22:30
“The question before us…. is whether or not we, the people of the United States of America, are willing to turn our government over to a man of such clearly substandard qualifications?”
George………W………Bush………twice!
unrelatedwaffle said,
February 26, 2008 at 23:01
Another shorter blogsforvictory: Those left-wing hippies all SAID we’d make a mountain out of this molehill, so that’s just what we did! Take THAT.
Sadly, No! » Sous Le Soleil De Gunter said,
February 26, 2008 at 23:08
[...] instruments went awry yesterday with a Canadian pundit named Lorne Gunter yesterday, and it was a puzzlement. [...]
thoughts from an empty head » Passport, Please said,
March 29, 2008 at 2:39
[...] Oh. [...]