21
Shorter John Derbyshire
- Man, imagine what it’d be like if Obama was such a crappy president that every white liberal got freaked out and decided to join the Republicans, thus leaving Obama’s apparently unthinking mass of black followers completely isolated and angry and ready to start a race war and… I mean, that’d be pretty tragic, I think, and shows why black people should vote for someone like Alan Keyes instead.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
UPDATE: It looks like Derb could be onto something after all:
During the Democratic primary campaign, the junior senator from Illinois has been hit repeatedly by virulent viral emails pushing false claims like these. The latest: Obama, due to his Muslim background, secretly favors Palestinians over Israelis. [...]
The email goes on to note that Obama sounds “a GREAT DEAL like Malcolm X.” It asks, “Instead of the ‘Manchurian Candidate,’ is Obama the secret ‘Farrakan Candidate’”? It then seeks to explain his purported anti-Israel bias:
Will Barrack’s [sic] Muslim roots cause him to favor the Palestinians against Israel?
Because he’s a “person of color,” will Obama be more sympathetic to 3rd World Peoples’ struggles in that they have “darker skin” like him?
Does Obama distrust the lighter-skinned, more “European”-looking Israelis and tend to favor the “darker complexioned” Palestinians and other Arabs (al Qaeada? [sic]) because his Muslim African father and cousins? [...]
Will his election in America temper or EMBOLDEN the 3rd World Terrorist Groups he physically resembles around the world?
As the world’s whitest black revolutionary, the prospect of kicking whitey’s sorry little ass back to West Crackerville under the guidance of Supreme Commander Hussein Obama X excites the hell out of me. What say the rest of you?
Patkin said,
February 21, 2008 at 23:56
I question how Obama could possibly be more crap then the past eight years. Seems highly improbable.
kshay said,
February 21, 2008 at 23:56
I HAVE SEEN BLACK GRUMBLES
D.N. Nation said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:04
Tweety Hyde says this:
And goes on and on and on and on and on, without ever giving one inch of proof of this. Lovely.
Might as well be Shorter Derbyshire:
tigrismus said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:06
Huh, did Bush make all the white folks join the Democratic Party? Of course, at 19% he very well may have. Ooh, or maybe he made all the rich folks join the Socialist Party, and then some stuff will happen and they’ll foment a class war!
Gary Ruppert said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:09
The fact is, Barrack Insane Osama will spark a race war beyond the fantasies of any Conservative Patrioy. We in the Heartland will be victorious. The fact is,
ObamaMama said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:12
Let me get this straight. Derbyshire is, in fact, conceding Obama’s win in ’08 but he believes that the upside will be the emergence of a two-party system in which the members of the minority party will all be black. And this is going to happen because Obama will be a crappy president and black people are so stupid, they will still vote for him but the white people who are smart because they are white will see the light and join the GOP.
Are these people on LSD or what?
Me said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:15
Still nine months to the ’08 election, and they’re already looking ahead to 2010 and 2012. I’ve been in a few hopeless electoral predicaments in my time, but nothing like that.
Jen said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:16
Avoid the Race War: Vote McCain
I really had not thought of that. I wonder if the fact that I’m not retarded had anything to do with it.
Susan of Texas said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:25
Conservatives would be too afraid to fight that war too.
Kathleen said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:25
that was crazy incoherent, even for J. Derb.
“To the degree that black and nonblack Americans get on with each other at all, it is largely thanks to the coalition of black citizens and nonblack liberals and interest groups represented in the national political life by the Democratic Party.”
The only thing holding off a Race War is the Democrats.
“That is the possibility that [a failed Obama] presidency would make our racial division (the one that really matters, black v. nonblack) much worse.”
We must vote for whites to prevent a race war caused by racism.
It is truly amazing that he can say all of that and still not see a single iota of criticism for conservatives.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:28
Given that the Derb represents all white people I guess that means I’m stupid.
Patkin said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:31
As the world’s whitest black revolutionary, the prospect of kicking whitey’s sorry little ass back to Honkyton with the guidance of Supreme Commander Hussein Obama X excites the hell out of me.
Shit, I’m an Irish Jew from New York and Florida and I’m down for kicking all these hand-wringing white-ass motherfuckers to the curb. Fuck them and their fear of black men in big hats.
Galactic Dustbin said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:32
I think the main question this brings up is how does a race war effect Derbyshire’s efforts to pick up underage girls?
Brad said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:32
So it’s agreed then: “Kill Whitey” is the new “Audacity of Hope.”
PS said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:33
So is this emailer implying that white folks (on the other hand) like Israelis and hate Arabs because Arabs have darker skin? Surely this cannot be true. Why, that would make white folks … there’s a word for this … I know there is … begins with “r” … it’s on the tip of my tongue … ridiculous? … no, that’s not it … risible? … rapscallions? … help me rhonda … racists! … no, that can’t be it
Me said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:34
If this post is about John Derbyshire, why did you post a photo of Harry Dean Stanton?
pedestrian said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:39
But all of our previous presidents have been white. Does that mean that the US has had a historical bias against the people of other nations with darker skin? This cannot be!
Kathleen said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:39
Obama sounds “a GREAT DEAL like Malcolm X.”
And of course, the writers and readers have sufficient exposure to Malcom X to make/judge this statement.
Is this going to merge with the “Obama plaigerized from Deval Patrick” thing? I hope right now some one at the Corner is watching the Denzel Washington movie and taking notes.
Olexicon said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:43
I’m sure all residents of detroit, which resides in the heartland, will disagree with who Gary has chosen in the coming race war “Civil War II; Electric Boogaloo”
Gundamhead said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:44
I want to know why he thinks that Obama would be such a bad president, other than his being a black dude with a terroristish sounding name.
O.K. reading Derby’s piece (and shame on you for making me go to the Corner!), I guess he thinks Obama will be such an awful president because he’s a liberal. Apparently he thinks that all liberal presidents are disasters, while right wing leaders are never failures or embarassments. Yeah, you just keep dreamin’ dude.
FuriousGeorge said,
February 22, 2008 at 0:52
I think the main question this brings up is how does a race war effect Derbyshire’s efforts to pick up underage girls?
Holy crap. Words fail me.
Sarcastro said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:05
I imagine the 3rd world Albanians and Sephardic Israelis are really stunned about their spiffy new complexions.
What say the rest of you?
Do I look like the kind of guy who could kill a whole BUNCH of white motherfuckers? I mean… given a reason, but not on a humbug..
Like Patkin says, we’ve got a whole hat philosophy going on. Some serious-ass Horton Hears A Who type shit!
GSD said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:05
The only thing they have to fear is life itself. What a pack of insular and childish freaks.
Also, I thought Bill O’Reilly and Hannity said that it was Democrats that spent their energy hoping for the president to fail. The GOoP-ers are hoping for future presidents to fail.
-GSD
stryx said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:09
What say the rest of you?
a luta continua, if I remember my Struggle Against White Colonial Oppressors lessons correctly.
GSD said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:09
By the way, ‘The Derb’ photo looks like one of the mugshots from a Dateline NBC internet sting.
-GSD
commie atheist said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:28
I, for one, welcome our new big-hatted black overlords.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:38
OK, the Lolita article is creepy, the mugshot is nauseating, and yet beyond all this I have to ask, WTF is he on about with his “black and nonblack” bullshit? Seriously, he thinks that’s the racial issue in the U.S. of A.?
Bistroist said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:38
Oh noes, a self-hating whitey!
(I’m surprised to find that ‘complexioned’ is an actual word in the English language. What is with you people?)
I’m sorry, we were discussioning? Oh, yes: The ever timely Rogers link:
pedestrian said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:43
Also, I thought Bill O’Reilly and Hannity said that it was Democrats that spent their energy hoping for the president to fail.
Hey, Bill O has been nothing but class and moderation lately.
You see? When Bill O’Reilly lynches an uppity negro there will be order and decorum, otherwise he wants no part in it. He has a reputation to protect.
Smut Clyde said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:49
You foolish sentimental liberals, allowing a dark-skinned dude to campaign for the top job. Sure, it encourages your dusky brethren, and that makes you feel good about yourselves, but you have not thought ahead to how they will cope with their inevitable disappointment.
…Just as well that Derbyshire is being a hard-headed realist about other people’s racism, and that he’s not actually racist himself. Imagine what he might say otherwise.
Lesley said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:51
Geez, that guy could be Harry Dean Stanton playing a serial killer.
Flying Fox said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:52
Until now, I was positive that I understood what went on in Right Wingers’ minds. Now I’m not so sure, even allowing for their allergic reactions to facts and their cranial inversion back-loop, this takes the cake. Obama sounds like Malcolm X? Does Derbyshire even know anything about Malcolm X? Or is he referring to the post-Hajj Malcolm X, whose modified views were less extreme and closer to Dr. King. Post-Hajj Malcolm, I can see where the Derb might be coming from. Course, I’m really reaching here, and I know it. Derb means pre-Hajj Malcolm, doesn’t he? I’d love to sit down with one of these Islamiphobes and have a conversation about how Malcolm X’s views developed and see their reaction.
And then I go on a double date with Kitty Pride, Wolverine and Mystique.
SamFromUtah said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:56
The primaries must be winding down if we’re moving from the Silly Season to the Barking Batshit Crazy season.
Wait, this is Derbyshire – so maybe not.
Girl from UNCLE said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:58
Nonblacks will flee from the Democrats in droves, though.
Hold on, didn’t a whole lot non-blacks *already* flee the Democratic Party? Something about a Southern Strategy and Civil Rights?
PS: That picture of Derb is really freakin’ me out. Why don’t you Photoshop him in clown makeup and complete my traumatization.
pedestrian said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:01
Does Derbyshire even know anything about Malcolm X? Or is he referring to the post-Hajj Malcolm X
I think he just means that Obama doesn’t say “yes’m” and “no’sur” and keep his head down when he talks to white people. I also doubt that he has even so much as read Malcom X’s autobiography. I find that most people who refer to him in that knowledgeable, familiar tone have not. I know that when I finally got around to it, I was all like, oh… that’s Malcolm X?
actor212 said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:01
No matter which of Hillbama wins in November, they damned well better preside as well as Jackie Robinson played baseball or the progressive movement is in serious trouble. Sorry, but that’s just the damn truth.
christian h. said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:02
If only Obama favoured justice in the Middle East. If only he sounded like Malcolm X. Anyway, in any civil war I’ll be on the side opposing the Derb. I solemnly pledge to not ever have a united front, even of special type, with the Derb. Ever.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:12
Ah. Hah.
I noes what every liberal in this country is thinking: Let’s join the 19 per centers.
That’s why so many of those Demoncratic Congresscritters are resigning.
Yep. That’s the ticket.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:32
NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! Not BOTH Udalls!!!!!!! OMIGOD! WHAT WILL WE DO????
Gunner said,
February 22, 2008 at 2:44
So now Derb is convinced Obama will be the nominee? Just yesterday at NRO he reminded everyone he was an analyst, and as an analyst he was convinced that Gore was positioning himself to take the nomination at the Dems’ convention. Perhaps he’s not so much an analyst as he is your typical right winger floating from one paranoid fantasy to another, depending on what medication he forgets to take.
Lawnguylander said,
February 22, 2008 at 3:49
No matter which of Hillbama wins in November, they damned well better preside as well as Jackie Robinson played baseball or the progressive movement is in serious trouble. Sorry, but that’s just the damn truth.
That doesn’t qualify as an even shorter Derbyshire because of the inclusion of Clinton in the analysis and the lack of crazy race war talk.
Sophist, FCD said,
February 22, 2008 at 4:07
Wait a minute…did he just posit the existence of a one-drop rule for political parties?
Holy fucking shit.
Bill S said,
February 22, 2008 at 4:23
Time to revive my musical tribute to John Derbyshire (sung to “Mull of Kintyre”)*
Johny Derbyshire
A misguided blowhard
is he,
no desire do I have to be
Near John Derbyshire
Pompous and clueless
Insuffrably dull
A light summer breeze could waft straight through his skull
One sentence in, and you’ll ask yourself why are
you wasting your time
reading John Derbyshire?
John Derbyshire
Distressing reminder
of the
right’s desire for how things should be
That’s John Derbyshire!
Lives in his own world
Ignores all that’s real
If he had a conscience, then what would he feel?
Let’s ask The Corner, “Oh why did you hire
a nincompoop wingnut
like John Derbyshire?”
John Derbyshire
A mistake in nature
is he
no desire do I have to be
Like John Derbyshire!
*originally appeared in the Salon version of “World O’Crap”, January 11, 2005
R. Porrofatto said,
February 22, 2008 at 4:30
This is Derbyshire, folks. When he says “Dem Disaster” he means it like “dem negroes is allus be causin’ dem disaster.” His Stepin Fetchit routine is a perennial hit on the National Review cruise, almost as welcome as Norman Podhoretz’s slobbering impersonation of a morally decrepit old coot.
Hysterical Woman said,
February 22, 2008 at 4:35
How does a person physically resemble a terrorist group? That is really bad writing there.
Why don’t they just say “Brown man bad. Make brown man chief, many brown man attack”?
g said,
February 22, 2008 at 5:02
Will his election in America temper or EMBOLDEN the 3rd World Terrorist Groups he physically resembles around the world?
Now this is just stupid. If what he’s saying is cuz Obama’s a black man, he will naturally be sympathetic to other people of color – nevermind the specious accusation that brown skin = terrorist – then wouldn’t it logically make sense that if Obama becomes the leader of our country then the evil colored terrorists WON’T attack us? Cuz, you know, it’d be a black man’s country then.
Some Guy said,
February 22, 2008 at 5:18
It’s pretty damn amusing how shit terrified these people are of a Negro being in power over them. He’ll make us white folk call him “Mas’ah” and sing gospel and tap dance in white face!
sunny said,
February 22, 2008 at 5:37
Good God – that picture of Derb looks like a DWI mugshot taken at 2 AM.
Mary Contrary said,
February 22, 2008 at 5:57
Not to worry… If the War on Terra is any guide, when the brothas start the Great Race War, the Republicans in charge will respond by bombing Venezuela.
Me said,
February 22, 2008 at 6:24
Lesley said,
February 22, 2008 at 1:51
Geez, that guy could be Harry Dean Stanton playing a serial killer.
Plagiarist!
robert green said,
February 22, 2008 at 7:35
i am so self-hating on my jewishness right now. i know some of the chosen (that’s the phrase that always made me self-hate to begin with) who have been receiving these e-mails and take them seriously. they are doctors and lawyers and often personally liberal other than israel.
douchebags.
abe said,
February 22, 2008 at 9:09
John Derbyshire is out and out racist. Read the wiki entry about him.
John Iselin said,
February 22, 2008 at 12:27
Well, Obama isn’t entirely Manchurian; he’s mixed race. A sort of Manchuriolatto Candidate.
El Cid said,
February 22, 2008 at 13:17
Nearly perfect. To achieve the true rhythm needed by the phrase, I suggest:
El Manchuriolatto Candidato.
As a plus, it better stirs up the Aztlan-fearing right.
free patriot said,
February 22, 2008 at 15:04
most snakes are longer than others
if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump theirs asses a hoppin
and if this guy keeps sniffing the glue, his head is going to implode
three things I know
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
February 22, 2008 at 16:01
Look, what Derb doesn’t get is that the reverse of his argument is already happening. Here, let me revise Brad’s comment at the top of the thread and perhaps my argument will become clear.
* * *
Man, imagine what it’d be like if *Dubya* was such a crappy president that every *economic conservative* got freaked out and decided to join the *Democrats*, thus leaving the *GOP’s* apparently unthinking mass of *evangelistic* followers completely isolated and angry and ready to start a *holy* war and… I mean, that’d be pretty tragic, I think, and shows why *evangelistic* people should vote for someone like *Duncan Hunter* instead.
* * *
Derb sees it happening, it pisses him off, and he doesn’t want to acknowledge that it’s already happening *to* him and his fellow travelers. So he posits that actually, it is *going* to happen to his ideological opponents — you know, the ones who are already beating the GOP’s ass black-and-blue in the fundraising and turnout game.
This is some kind of wacked-out Crowleyan wish-magic on Derb’s part; he’s suggesting that President Obama will suck because he *hopes* President Obama will suck. The problem is that only a three-day-dead possum lying in the middle of the road could be a worse Chief Executive than Der Chimperor, and Derb knows THAT, too.
IOW, this is just Derb saying “I know we are, but what are YOU?”
pedestrian said,
February 22, 2008 at 16:32
OB-GYN Kenobi, you make a point. I don’t think that most of these folks have ever met a Democrat, so you can pretty much always assume that whatever they have to say is projection.
Ken Lowery said,
February 22, 2008 at 17:45
It’s pretty damn amusing how shit terrified these people are of a Negro being in power over them. He’ll make us white folk call him “Mas’ah” and sing gospel and tap dance in white face!
I am all about this and wish to sign up immediately. Though I am not much of a dancer.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2008 at 18:58
That doesn’t qualify as an even shorter Derbyshire because of the inclusion of Clinton in the analysis and the lack of crazy race war talk.
It was my first attempt at the meme.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2008 at 18:59
most snakes are longer than others
Yea, but eventually you have to leave the locker room and return to reality.
mikey said,
February 22, 2008 at 19:43
most snakes are longer than others
Which is most likely somehow related to the fact that most people are below average…
mikey
Tone In DC said,
February 22, 2008 at 20:00
Hysterical Woman said,
February 22, 2008 at 4:35
Will his election in America temper or EMBOLDEN the 3rd World Terrorist Groups he physically resembles around the world?
How does a person physically resemble a terrorist group? That is really bad writing there.
Why don’t they just say “Brown man bad. Make brown man chief, many brown man attack”?
__________________________________________________________
I want to paste your comment on Dan Froomkin’s WaPo board. The resident (and vituperative) neo-con trolls will soil themselves multiple times.
cleter said,
February 22, 2008 at 20:30
Wasn’t the Manchurian Candidate a former POW who was tortured and brainwashed by his evil Asian captors, and then stealthily inserted into the American political system?
That doesn’t resemble Obama so much as, well, another candidate. Who is clearly a pawn of the Communists.
kiche said,
February 22, 2008 at 20:47
as a white guy, i have to say, let’s kick the green, black and red in.
Duros62 said,
February 22, 2008 at 22:20
A sort of Manchuriolatto Candidate.
Half caf and no foam, please. Oh, and a Biscotti.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2008 at 23:11
Wasn’t the Manchurian Candidate a former POW who was tortured and brainwashed by his evil Asian captors, and then stealthily inserted into the American political system?
Not in the original movie, no. In the original he was kidnapped, brainwashed and then hypnotized into becoming an assassin.
In the recent remake, he’s turned into a political candidate (Veep on the Republican ticket, if I recall correctly).
Lesley said,
February 23, 2008 at 2:47
Me, honest to god cross my heart and swear on my mother’s grave, I didn’t see your reference to Stanton (didn’t read any comments prior to my post). I guess we had the same immediate reaction.
It’s a Jungian Universe!!!!1
Bill S said,
February 23, 2008 at 4:29
Except that Harry Dean Stanton is more talented, less creepy, and probably safer to leave alone with your fifteen year old daughter.
Batocchio said,
February 23, 2008 at 11:22
Can Derbyshire’s ass be first?
Ebon Krieg said,
February 23, 2008 at 13:43
I didn’t get the ebon part just because I hate “whitey” and am a self loathing contradiction of my own terms. I labeled me far before the self loathing began to usurp my conscience and I have always hated “whitey.” Ain’t fucking with “whitey” fun? This is better than clowning with “whitey” anyday.