Feb
14
14
It would be a fitting end, no?
Actually, yes, I can definitely see this happening:
One of Brian McNamee’s lawyers predicted that if Roger Clemens is convicted in connection with the baseball steroids scandal, he’d be pardoned by President Bush. [...]
“It would be the easiest thing in the world for George W. Bush, given the corrupt proclivities of his administration, to say Roger Clemens is an American hero, Roger Clemens helped children,” Emery said in a telephone interview. “It’s my belief they have some reason to believe they can get a pardon.”
Let’s open up this question: what other convicted crooks and thieves will get pardons before Bush leaves office? I place odds on Jeff Skilling at 98%.
Cangrejero said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:27
Without a doubt, Scooter Libby will get one. Ditto for the crackhead niece.
fascistphil said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:30
He’s going to preemptively pardon the entire administration. Not that he needs to since the congress will never actually file any charges.
bdub said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:30
I would love it if Clemons got a pardon, it would simply magnify my already significant hatred for the asshole.
I think W will pardon about half the administration for torture-gate and US attorney-gate. Can the dickhead pardon Bolton and Miers for their contempt? If so, include that in there as well.
And maybe Kenny-boy Lay, too.
Brad said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:32
And maybe Kenny-boy Lay, too.
Kenny-boy died. Of course, this is central to your point.
J-Rock Skilling is a definite fair game though.
Brad said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:32
I’d love it if he just preemptively pardoned his entire list of campaign “pioneers.”
Legalize said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:35
Jack Abramoff comes to mind.
In any event, Clemens successfully sealed his reputation as a world class scumbag with his testimony yesterday. I can see the GOP embracing him with pleasure. He took every opportunity to hide behind patriotism and his mother whenever possible. I’m sure he would have wrapped himself in the flag if there was one close enough to him.
There are enough rubes who were impressed by his performance.
Gary Ruppert said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:36
The fact is, go to hell in a handbasket!
Brad said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:39
I can see the GOP embracing him with pleasure.
They DID embrace him with pleasure! Didn’t you notice they were the ones carrying his water for the whole hearing???
Notorious P.A.T. said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:39
Can Bush pardon Clemens if he gets, say, banned from baseball?
Brad said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:40
Can Bush pardon Clemens if he gets, say, banned from baseball?
I believe he gave himself that right in one of his signing statements. Pete Rose, I hope you ponied up back in ’04!
Smut Clyde said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:41
go to hell in a handbasket!
This is definitely my favourite ride at DanteWorld.
Legalize said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:44
“They DID embrace him with pleasure! Didn’t you notice they were the ones carrying his water for the whole hearing???”
Yes. I meant the GOP as an institution: speaking engagements, the convention, etc.
Clint said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:46
The fact is, go to hell in a handbasket!
I went, and I gotta say their jalapeño poppers were underwhelming at best.
As a right-wing troll, you’re okay. As a Zagat’s guide… not so much.
Ex-Fed said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:50
Bush is going to pardon someone in 11 months, even though that person hasn’t even been charged yet, and there’s no indication that the person will be charged imminently?
Someone has a lot of faith in the speed of the legal system.
His Grace said,
February 14, 2008 at 23:58
Can a president pardon himself as he leaves office? (Not that I’m ever expecting anyone to investigate let alone charge the decider).
Nimrod Gently said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:04
Everyone rich, male and white will get an infinite get-out-of-free card, free of charge. And a complimentary blowjob from a prostitute with a mouthful of honey. And everyone else in the country will get kicked in the nuts or equivalent, simply on general principles.
Lawnguylander said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:05
You don’t need to be convicted of a crime to receive a pardon. See Nixon, Weinberger, et al.
The best part of the Republicans’ performance yesterday was listening afterwards to the reaction of the two wingnut dickheads who have the most popular sports radio show in NY. The words “travesty’, “disgrace”, “outrage” were thrown around liberally and I’m hoping that the Clemens hearing was a similarly eye opening experience for like minded dumbasses around the country. Ahh, who the fuck am I trying to kid?
gbear said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:07
Timothy McVeigh
Nimrod Gently said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:08
-jail-
sophie brown said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:11
yeah I think the rethugs seriously damaged themselves with the ESPN crowd yesterday. And I have to say the pardon thing makes absolute sense. Clemen’s testimony was so unbelievable and so full of holes the only way it made any sense is that he knew he wouldn’t be prosecuted for it. Wouldn’t it some kind of abuse of the presidential pardon to tell someone they’ll be pardoned before they commit the crime? Isn’t that aiding and abetting?
Brad said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:15
Clemen’s testimony was so unbelievable and so full of holes…
…thus making him the perfect Bush pardon candidate.
Blue Buddha said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:15
I still think that Ken faked his death and is now living it up in Paraguay or Dubai, or one of those other neo-con hideaways.
stryx said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:15
I’m lookin’ for Bush to go all in for one of his dad’s old employees.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:21
Clemen’s testimony was so unbelievable and so full of holes the only way it made any sense is that he knew he wouldn’t be prosecuted for it.
It’s easier to think that it didn’t make sense and Clemens is a dumbass. Clemens gets no pardon because he has no oil.
g said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:26
Well, in that case, why bother with the telecom immunity thing at all? bush can just pre-emptively pardon all the telecoms.
Brad said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:27
Bernie Ebbers gets one, I think. Maybe Lyndie England as well.
Seitz said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:29
Says the attorney representing a known liar, drug dealer, and rapist.
Brad said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:30
Uh-oh! I think we’ve got a Clemens Truther!
random idiot said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:32
So much for separation of, and equality of, the branches of Government. Why bother having a judicial branch at all if a president can hand out pardons as party favours?
Oh yeah.. To make sure the “little people” obey the law. Or else.
stryx said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:33
I’m also putting money on a pardon for the former CEO of Searle.
ben said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:34
Maybe Lyndie England as well.
Nah man, pardons are not for plebes. She will rot.
Duros62 said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:35
Can Bush pardon Clemens if he gets, say, banned from baseball?
Can Bush pardon Clemens if he gets, say, Impeached and indicted?
What? I can dream, right?
Righteous Bubba said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:38
Uh-oh! I think we’ve got a Clemens Truther!
I heard a pretty funny radio interview with some guy who stands foursquare behind everyone who denies taking steroids in baseball. I couldn’t quite figure out why and I guess neither could he, but bless him for his cheery optimism.
Seitz said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:39
Uh-oh! I think we’ve got a Clemens Truther!
No, I don’t really care either way. They could all be juicing for all I care, and I’m a big baseball fan. I just think McNamee’s a piece of shit. Clemens may be a dick, but to my knowledge, he never drugged and raped someone.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:43
I just think McNamee’s a piece of shit.
He seems to be, but he’s also a piece of shit who’s named other juicers who’ve owned up to what they’ve done.
erlking said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:44
I think he’ll pardon Jonah Goldberg for raping and murdering logic, history and the English language. Wait, W. himself was in on those …
Kathleen said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:44
no pardon for Bellichek?
James Killus said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:46
The only people Bush will pardon will be the ones that can directly link him to other crimes. So I think only his immediate staff and family will get the nod.
Otherwise, he’d get writer’s cramp, and you know how little our boy likes to work.
El Cid said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:47
Why can’t Bush Jr. just write one 5 or 6 word sentence which pardons everybody he wants?
George W. Bush said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:50
PARDUNZ FOR GUYS I LIKE AND GUYS THAT GET ME IN TRUBBEL.
George W. Bush said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:50
TOO LONG
Jerkstore said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:50
I’d love it if he just preemptively pardoned his entire list of campaign “pioneers.”
What’s the Oregon Trail got to do with any of dis?
El Cid said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:50
“Plz pardon all ma doodz.”
random idiot said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:53
It is going to be all about covering his own arse.. And letting people he owes favours to off the hook.
Life ain’t going to be good for Shrub after november. Nobody is going to be paying him huge sums for after dinner speaking engagements. Because nobody likes him.. And because he can’t actually give a speech.
He is going to have to rely on corporate cronyism and a larger scale of “wingnut welfare” to keep himself in the manner to which he has grown accustomed. Thus, expect anyone involved in Blackwater, Haliburton, etc, to be given a get out of jail free card.
George W. Bush said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:55
SINING STATMENT: JUST KIDDING HA HA
El Cid said,
February 15, 2008 at 0:58
He will found the George W. Bush Institute for Good Govermit [sic], and appoint Jonah Goldsphincter as Preznital Historiguy.
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:06
Conrad Black.
Trabb's Boy said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:11
g said: Well, in that case, why bother with the telecom immunity thing at all? bush can just pre-emptively pardon all the telecoms.
Because he wanted the thrill of watching the Democrats to do it for him.
George W. Bush said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:16
BUUUURP PARDON ME HAHA
Dorothy said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:23
Can a president pardon himself as he leaves office?
I half expect Bush to pre-emptively pardon Cheney on Jan 18 and step down. Cheneys becomes Pres-for-a-day on the 19th and pardons Bush.
Any bets?
Gary Ruppert said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:24
The fact is, liberals will do anything that makes our country look bad or open to attack, because they hate it so much. They want the UN to run things and take patriot guns away and make us tolerate shania law. This day of obstruction will live in infamy, when the enemy sees our weakness and attacks it will be YOUR fault that you voted NOT to protect USA, YOUR FAULT.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:28
I beg your pardon.
Gary Ruppert said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:35
The fact is, Clinton did many evil things and was given a pass by the liberal media. Bush has been awesome for USA and gets made fun of. This is biased.
fardels bear said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:36
Don’t need to do the Cheney two-step, Dorothy. The president can pardon anyone, including himself, for any crimes, even undiscovered ones, committed. No legal barrier whatsoever do doing that.
Bush could even pardon Gary for being a putz.
Seitz said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:40
and make us tolerate shania law
Shania Law? Under Shania Law, women must all wear men’s shirts and short skirts. Really go wild, and do it in style. Get in the action, feel the attraction. Color their hair, and do what they dare. But most importantly, they will be required to feel like women. Hmm, doesn’t sound all that bad.
And yes, I had to look those lyrics up.
Helena Handbag said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:40
Did you call me, Gary?
I think Bush will pardon John McCain for having an illegitimate black child.
mikey said,
February 15, 2008 at 1:50
Bush has been awesome for USA and gets made fun of.
Clearly a fake Gary. I mean, c’mon. The fanboy speak is really quite unseemly for a carrier of the GOP Talking Points.
A little more gravitas is required here, youngster.
I mean, the Rs are the “Serious Party”.
Right?
mikey
Helena Handbag said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:02
I just got a robocall from the McCain campaign asking me who I’m voting for in the Republican primary and what my main issues are. I pressed 3 for Mike Huckabee, and 6 for ‘other’ because their list of issues was really stupid. I was waiting for ‘health care’ to pop up, but it wasn’t there.
Johnny Mac doesn’t even have real live volunteers to lie to. I had to lie to a stupid computer voice. Lame-o.
Ann Murrayhaus said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:04
I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
(hic)
Candy said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:12
I just got a robocall from the McCain campaign
We got a couple of incredibly annoying robo push polls from Huckabee supporters before the Iowa caucuses. Any of you out there had any of those?
In Huckabee’s defense (you have no idea how much it pains me to say that) he claimed that those polls were nothing to do with his actual campaign and he begged the push pollers, publicly at least, to stop. Distrustful cynic that I am, I suspect one of two things: Either the push polls were done by Romney’s campaign to make Huckabilly look bad, or Huckabee secretly supported them and only issued a public disclaimer so he’d look oh-so-ethical and above-it-all.
tigrismus said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:14
Bush pardoning himself would have no effect on the Hague…
J— said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:37
If you can get it to load, check out debbieclemens.com.
And a little bit of HGH didn’t hurt!
nick said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:38
- Gil Scott Heron
Oh yeah – Can we place odds on the worst odds to be pardoned as well as the best?
Best: Skinner
Worst: Mumia, Peltier
nick said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:42
Skinner Skilling
Oops
George W. Bush said,
February 15, 2008 at 2:56
THEY CAN ALL HAS PARDUNZ, KTHXBAI
Dagoril said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:09
I just hope that the Chimpenführer remembers to pardon our Doughy Pantload, for commiting the crimes of writing and publishing Liberal Fascism.
Though the fact is, jail is the only place he is likely to get any action.
J— said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:09
Perfect for syringes!
gypsy howell said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:11
Cheney, Gonzales, Mukasey, Rummy, Powell, Rice, Scalia (just cuz) McConnell, Petraus, Wolfowitz, Feith, Libby, everyone in DOJ, all the Halliburton folks, those Blackwater scumbags… ahhhh fuckit…. everyone he’s ever known. And Kenny Boy, who will miraculously arise from the “dead.”
SomeNYGuy said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:14
I’m afraid that Twain has already left the station.
El Cid said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:17
Shanana Law?
Xanana Gusmao?
g said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:17
I hate it when you guys beat me to it.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:22
Kenny doesn’t need to arise from the dead. The whiner-in-chief will pardon him posthumously to spare his fambly the totally unjustified shame of it all.
nick said,
February 15, 2008 at 3:38
About Lay – as I understand it (and I am not looking this up before typing, so if I get it wrong, Blow me), he died while his case was being actively appealed, which somehow negated his conviction.
In other words, he doesn’t need a pardon. In the eyes of the law, he is innocent.
Ain’t that a peach.
Gary Ruppert said,
February 15, 2008 at 4:05
The fact is, this fact makes liberal class warfare nuts go crazy.
Ruppert Pupkin said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:11
The fact is, I’m going to hell in a handbasket!
Fixed Gary’s effrontery.
Ruppert Pupkin said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:24
I still think that Ken faked his death and is now living it up in Paraguay or Dubai, or one of those other neo-con hideaways.
Blue Buddha: You’re not alone. Kenny-Boy made it into “The Beast”‘s Top 10 Most Loathesome People of 2006. Here’s their assessment (I copied and pasted it all because it’s that good). I think you might like it.
9. Ken Lay
Charges: Infuriating karmic immunity. Even when, after many years of foot-dragging, someone finally got around to holding this slimy reverse Robin Hood accountable, he still managed to elude justice and rob his victims yet again, this time of punitive damages by dying with suspiciously perfect timing. Never owned up to any culpability in the myriad legal and ethical violations at Enron, claiming he had no knowledge of them. Even if this were true, Lay would still rank among the worst CEOs in history for sheer obliviousness.
Exhibit A: “We don’t break the law.”
Sentence: Drinking a martini in his bathrobe and reading the Wall Street Journal at his secret compound in the South Pacific, the “late” Mr. Lay starts choking on an olive when the 400th major daily article to describe his life as “Shakespearean” makes him laugh out loud. Lay falls out of his chair, impaling an eyeball with the stem of his glass and catching his penis in a $900 toaster. The electrical current triggers the long-dormant prefrontal cortex of his now-smoldering brain, suddenly activating Lay’s conscience. As he is slowly and painfully electrocuted over several minutes, Lay experiences a lifetime of guilt and remorse. Then he catches fire.
MzNicky said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:25
Oopsie! That was me, not my dear friend Mr. Pupkin.
DUDACKATTACK!!! said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:42
Anti Cuban terrorist & airline bomber Luis Posada?
Oh, wait..
you brute you brute you brute! said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:57
why do I suddenly feel like I’m in the Dom Deluise scene in Blazing Saddles? Things must be getting out of hand on the last thread…
you brute you brute you brute! said,
February 15, 2008 at 5:58
never mind. I’m lost….
Righteous Bubba said,
February 15, 2008 at 6:47
(and I am not looking this up before typing, so if I get it wrong, Blow me)
I am pleased that you are correct as I am out of mouthwash.
TomMil said,
February 15, 2008 at 12:10
I’m pullin’ for a second pardon for Elliot Abrams. That would make him the Barry Bonds of pardons.
Jeff R. said,
February 15, 2008 at 16:30
Kenny [Lay] doesn’t need to arise from the dead. The whiner-in-chief will pardon him posthumously to spare his fambly the totally unjustified shame of it all.
He doesn’t need to. Since Lay had an appeal pending when he died, the original conviction was vacated.
Snarki, child of Loki said,
February 15, 2008 at 18:35
Can Bush pardon himself? I don’t think so, not explicitly at least. But that’s to ignore all the incredibly convoluted “parsing” that has gone on in the past 7+ years.
So, for example, suppose that Bush issues a pardon for a “Mr. W.A.R. Preznit”, just moments before his super-secret Change Of Name petition is granted by Justice Toady of the DC Federal Court. Ka-ching!
Backdating optional, and both the pardon and the Name Change can be kept secret “until needed”.
Oh, you can scoff “that’s ridiculous!”, but how often have the GOPsters risen in defence of ridiculosity, creating a “Wall of Shit” to overcome all objections?
actor212 said,
February 15, 2008 at 22:27
Richard Nixon, but only because Bush forgot he was pardoned already.
Listen, if Clinton could pardon Marc Rich, and Bush defended that pardon, there’s no telling…Charles Manson, maybe?
Sarcastro said,
February 15, 2008 at 22:48
Can the president pardon himself from international war crimes?
Because my one hope is to someday see that ignorant cocksucker frog-marched to the fucking Hague.
Doodle Bean said,
February 16, 2008 at 2:31
This reminded me of one of my favorite check fraud stories. An employee of Tension Envelope Corp. in Framingham, MA got a fake i.d. and opened an account for “Tensio N. Envelope”. She successfully cashed tons of accounts receivable checks before getting caught.
The last name was pronounced “ahn’-vay-loe-pay”!