12
Baking Carrot Biscuits*
Y’all know that I don’t often use the Sadly wire for personal stuff (barring the annual Christmas in the City charity post), but I’m looking for some work doing Photoshop and/or writing and editing, either in the Boston area or via Teh Internet, full- or part-time.
Long story short, I’m getting married in June, and while a life of itinerancy has suited me fine up until now, life-changes are in store (and weddings are frickin’ expensive). As a useful person in many regards, I’m looking to get a bit more use out of myself.
Besides graphics like these, I also do the ordinary, technical kind; and my c.v. as a writer and editor is actually a lot more decent than you’d suppose.
Plus: Any angelic soul who can help in lining up a gig will get a Photoshop of him- or herself with the wingnut of his or her choice (possibly including Pam Atlas, Ben Shapiro, or even Warner Todd “Attend the Tale of Warner Todd” Huston), in any compromising or notionally innocent position desired — as in: supercustom-to-order.
Above: Warner Todd Huston
Um, yeesh. Actually, come to think about it, you can have something else instead, if you want.
[E = gavin(at)sadlyno(dot)com]
* Cf.
Batocchio said,
February 12, 2008 at 0:50
I can haz Photoshop job?
Sorry, can’t help ya, but best of luck!
(The flaming Malkin is still one of my favorites.)
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 0:50
Hmmmmmm…..
I know ever since yesterday, after seeing Leon Golub’s painting “Interrogation I” at LACMA, I’ve been wanting to see it as a banner hung on the fence at the White House. Any chance of that?
The painting is unframed canvas, grommetted. It would make a dandy banner.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:11
So… do you need us to buy you a grill while you’re at it?
(congrats on the wedding)
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:12
Or you could try This one
I walked into the gallery where these two paintings were hanging, and felt deeply shaken. They were painted in the 1980′s but how timely they are now.
They should follow Bush and Cheney around until their last days.
Gavin's fiancee said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:18
So… do you need us to buy you a grill while you’re at it?
Oh sure, you joke. I was about to post a link to our registry.
:P
billy pilgrim said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:20
We could have paid for a honeymoon to CPAC!!!
Love amongst the wingnuts!!
Gavin M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:25
Swe-etie, no! You prom-ised!
Helena Handbag said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:29
The obvious answer, Gavin dear:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/68058
National –
Onion News Network Freelance Writing Position
The Onion News Network is now accepting applications for a freelance writing position. For more information, please send a resume and brief letter outlining your previous writing experience to onnwritingapplications@gmail.com.
I’ll take my photoshop with the Pat Boone “dick in a box” photo, please.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:29
Consider yourself now officially part of my unofficial loose guild of Free Lance Mercenary Marketing Communications Geeks. I frequently run into situations where I need design and layout for print and web. Usually I end up putting a designer, a writer (though I have been known to do that part my own self), a flash guy and sometimes a video or sound guy together for a project. It can be something as inane as an industrial safety video for web to a post event piece.
So stand by, don’t count on me to keep you working full time, but as long as you are seeking the coin of the realm, This Band of Sellouts will have occasional need of your services.
Oh. And buy a domain and put up a portfolio. Everybody’s gonna wanna see it before they send you a contract anyway…
mikey
Gavin M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:41
Above: George F. Will (Pat, as it were, is pending)
Gavin's fiancee said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:45
Oh, poodle, I think Helena was referring to this.
Is dinner almost ready?
jim said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:47
If you haven’t posted your resume on Craigslist, I would highly recommend it. A lot of people don’t know about this feature. It’s different than placing an ad; it’s free, and companies regularly keyword search through the resumes for people.
http://www.craigslist.org/res/
Link is all the way on the right. And lemme just say: I’ve been on dice and monsterjobs and other sites, and pretty much every worthwhile job I’ve had for the last 4 years has come from posting my resume on Craigslist.
Gavin M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:48
Nice try, Saul.
Jake H. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:48
Why don’t you write the Times and demand a gig on the opinion page to “balance” Kristol?
Caitlyn Sith said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:49
“Get to the “WORKING OVERTIME” part!!!” /homer
Caitlyn Sith said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:49
Or COOKING OVERTIME, I guess.
Gavin M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:49
…OMG, wait, it’s literally Pat Boone with his dick in a box.
WTDFH?
Helena Handbag said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:56
You thought I was kidding???
justme said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:59
Oh waiter! One more order of eye bleach, please.
D. Aristophanes said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:02
PBWHDIAB has left me very, very upset.
Matt T. said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:02
#
Gavin M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 1:49
…OMG, wait, it’s literally Pat Boone with his dick in a box.
WTDFH?
That’s the most rock & roll thing the guy’s ever done, too. I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.
D. Aristophanes said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:03
That’s almost as bad as that shot of Carrot Top’s ginger nutsack that was floating around the Toobz a while back.
Devilham said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:04
I wish I was even passable at photoshop, as I would love to dabble in something like this, and have been following your blog for 9 months or so, but just don’t feel up to the task. I live in Roslindale meself (God’s own country ya know), and have done very little work in photo shop….and writing for that matter, so that’s that, but good luck finding someone, and if I come across someone who could be interested, I will send them your way. Good luck witht the nuptials, I have been married for 15 years now myself, and think it’s one of the best decisions I ever made…done right every year gets better.
Jennifer said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:05
Didn’t someone post that link just a couple of weeks back? I know I saw it a few weeks ago…I think it was in the comments on the Pat Boone post.
Maybe the site is just prone to periodic outbreaks of PBWHDIAB.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:11
I’ve posted it here before, but it was on Boing Boing so it wasn’t some dark secret.
I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.
Chuck Berry something something something.
Hysterical Woman said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:15
Sorry, there can’t be any dinner after seeing that photo. Especially if you’re having Viennese sausages.
Blue Buddha said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:27
Chuck Berry just likes to play with his ding-a-ling
tbogg said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:30
Maybe you could make some money teaching Malkin to photoshop. Gawd knows she could use the help.
Hopefully your green card and work papers are in order there, “Gavin”. Or, should I say, Guillermo…
(Cue the startled groundhog)
stryx said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:36
Oh sweet jeebus! I need an order of goatse, stat! Why, whywhywhy? No, really. Why?
And G, what about the Lions and Bears?
Gavin's fiancee said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:37
Awww man… Ramen noodles again?
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:37
Or, should I say, Guillermo…
Reindeer boy! And how can that be bad?
J— said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:49
I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.
Little Richard had better places to put it.
fardels bear said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:50
I foresee a made-for-tv movie. Gavin searches for a job. Eventually, he sells out and gets a contract to write a book for Regnery (something about how Joe McCarthy was right that Obama is a Mooslim).
Then, in a dramatic scene, Brad confronts Gavin and Gavin explains how much better it is to be a rightwing hack. He gets to ride a motorcycle! And then, eventually, Gavin sends Brad off to the camps. Just like SWING KIDS except with Photoshop instead of music.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 2:58
Just like SWING KIDS except with Photoshop instead of music.
How about Midnight Cowboy, with Gavin going around satisfying various Peggy Noonan types with scurrilous Hillary photoshops? Then one day his laptop won’t boot up…
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:08
so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?
It might well have been alternatively titled “life’s better in the closet.” I mean wow.
Lesley said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:14
Some pix need warnings and that Pat Boone pic is one of them. I didn’t need to see that and never ever want to see it again.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:15
so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?
Now I have. Thanks I guess. Having not been under such a creature before I suppose I’m not supposed to knock it. However, I have doubts.
Blue Buddha said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:15
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QorkFwpOo6E
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:31
so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?
Hm. If its under, I would have to see the face before I make any final judgement. Not a minor point. (Make it “on top of” and a well-placed pillow can solve any of those problems)
I’m not that surprised that YBF is encouraging gay conservatives to feel comfortable with their sexuality, but I think it is a little odd that CPAC is. Or is it that they think that it will appeal to women? If so, I’m not that surprised that YBF is encouraging women to feel comfortable with their sexuality, but I think it is a little odd that CPAC is.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:36
I cannot speak to the truth of the poster, but while life may or may not be better under a conservative, it certainly appears smellier and somewhat crushingly weighty.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:37
Also his pecs appear to have been inflated by a bicycle pump. There is no way that image was originally intended to appeal to straight women. Whoah.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:45
I think I have a crush on U. I. Pink….
mikey
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 3:52
I’m flattered. Come the revolution, can you help me kill people? I’m still a little rusty.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:01
Young lady, it’s not like I have any other skills…
mikey
acrannymint said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:22
how do we know that UIP is either young or a lady?
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:28
how do we know that UIP is either young or a lady?
A history of wishful dinking.
Lawnguylander said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:31
I’ll ask around to see if anyone knows of some work that might be a fit for you.
Getting married, eh? Congratulations and good luck. When I got married I thought it would last forever but like a lot of things that just didn’t turn out like I hoped. The baseball career didn’t work out and I’m probably never going to be CEO of an airline for instance but oh hell, I’ve still got some of my childhood dreams left. Like getting through life without ever seeing Pat Boone’s dick for example. That one’s still alive. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to read the other comments for this post.
Smut Clyde said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:36
Did someone say “A history of wishful drinking”? I believe this is my area of expertise.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:37
Pretty much. I love the intert00bz. People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.
And if they’re not?
I just switch threads!!
mikey
Ralph Wiggum said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:42
People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.
Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
February 12, 2008 at 4:48
Congrats, Gavin.
Unfortunately, my Borg-Cemetery has no need for photoshop.
P.S. If I helped someone get a job there, I’d feel guilty for a long, long time.
robert green said,
February 12, 2008 at 5:23
my wife might need your help at times when her staff is overwhelmed.
i will drop you a line.
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 5:36
People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.
Did you know that in 95% of lesbian cybersex sessions, both parties are actually male?
Its true because I said it here!
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 5:42
Did you know that in 95% of lesbian cybersex sessions, both parties are actually male?
I’ve been had and had again!
Arky the Blasphemer said,
February 12, 2008 at 5:43
Sorry man. I had a bunch of great ideas but someone had to mention Carrot Top’s baby peas. Now all I can do is second the Craig’s list idea and carve my eyes out with a spork.
OK. My great idea was to check out my company’s Boston division but apparently they’ve sold it.
How attached are you to your current locale?
EK said,
February 12, 2008 at 5:47
Dude,
No offense, but photoshop might not be your strong suit. And, after living in Boston for a few years, I can assure you that there are about 50 million people in the metro area more proficient at photoshop than you. I’m a huge SN! fan, but the photoshopped pics here are nothing to write home about. Not trying to bust your nuts. Just an honest opinion from a fellow traveler.
Maybe you could emphasize your writing or smartassery skills?
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:03
after living in Boston for a few years, I can assure you that there are about 50 million people in the metro area more proficient at photoshop than you
Yeah, but only if you count the 45 million invisible people. They don’t even need computers!
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:03
PS: I think your photoshops are swell.
Jennifer said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:12
Sadly, No! photoshops are da bomb.
Jennifer said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:37
Great. And I drive the stake through the beating heart of yet another thread.
The Thread said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:46
Glurk!
(death rattle)
The Thread™³²®© said,
February 12, 2008 at 6:57
I’m not quite dead, yet!
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:04
Huh. I think that song is even more annoying in English.
mako rojo said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:17
*doop de doop doop dooo* …and I thought that Michael Hutchins was singing “Soup and Salad Bar” not “Suicide Blon………
“Thread?”
Thread?!”
“THREAD!!!!”
NO, NO, NO! Who could possible want to do such a thing? OMG Thread, you never hurt anyone. Why? Why? Why?
What? Pat Boone? Yeah, I heard of him? His what? In a what?
Yeah right.
Look where?
Oh.
I guess that explains that. Sweet dreams, Thread.
gaspode said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:20
Gavin,
Good luck with the job search and congrats on the marraige. May you and yours produce many liberal fascist babies.
Probably not an option–but have you considered relocating? I’m calling travel agents this week and I’m fucking off!
Taipei, I think, or maybe Bangkok.
Got three grand and gotta get out.
But the love thing complicates. If you choose to remain in 1935 Amerika and brave the nightmare…well, good luck.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:37
Marriage is an endless series of compromises. Why would you do that to yourself?
gaspode said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:42
Because it’s love dude!
The Thread™³²®© said,
February 12, 2008 at 7:54
NO, NO, NO! Who could possible want to do such a thing? OMG Thread, you never hurt anyone. Why? Why? Why?
I almost posted Antonio Banderas singing “These Boots are Made For Walking”, but then I had pinges of conscience. Whatever that means.
Sinfonian said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:04
so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?
Did the “Day by Day” guy draw that body, too? Same telltale scoliosis …
Sinfonian said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:06
or even Warner Todd “Attend the Tale of Warner Todd” Huston),
I presume you saw his latest spew?
That guy has issues. Big, hairy issues that cause a pustulent rash.
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:15
I came home from work to find one of our cars mired in the mud; spouse and I cajoled our neighbor to help us dig it out; then we drove irresponsibly off to Malibu and ate pasta and drank expensive Italian wine for a while; now we’re back home.
I am visiting my mom in a godforsaken town in East Texas this weekend. My mom does, literally, nothing but read. She is a moderate Republican who is beginning to feel isolated in her religious wacko conservative town – yes, for the first time in her life she is feeling like a Liberal.
Anyone have any recommendations for some good non-fiction history or biography for me to order from Amazon and send to my mom to precede my visit?
So far, I am going with the biography of the Mitford Sisters; a bio of Richard Rodgers; “Blackhawk Down” (old, but she hasn’t read it) and maybe some Studs Terkel.
any other ideas?
Lesley said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:23
any other ideas?
immediate evacuation?
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:26
immediate evacuation?
Naw, she won’t go. it’s irrational, but there it is.
The Thread™³²®© said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:29
How about Welcome to the Jungle, g?
But perhaps that might be too much, too soon?
Jennifer said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:30
g – go ahead and tip her over into full liberalhood – send her a copy of The Great Deluge by Douglas Brinkley.
Other good non-fiction history: Rising Tide by John Barry – also his book about the Spanish flu pandemic, I keep wanting to call it The Great Influenza but not sure that’s correct…also The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan. Or for a different kind of history/biography book, Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell. Simon Winchester’s The Professor and the Madman is really good too.
The Thread™³²®© said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:31
Dang…Either I screwed up my Upton Sinclair “The Jungle” link, or the S,N! filter snagged it.
That’s a serious suggestion, g, if yur mom’s ready for it.
OneMan said,
February 12, 2008 at 8:39
I have not read it yet but I understand “Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin is very good. Linky here.
Also, “1776″ , which I have read, is excellent.
Hmmm. Links to Amazon’s exceedingly stupid URLs don’t work well, thus the B&N links.
Snorghagen said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:41
Jennifer listed a couple I was going to recommend.
Here’s some more:
The Last Place on Earth, by Roland Huntford
The race to the South Pole in the early 20th century: people doing very stupid things in very dangerous places.
Down and Out in Paris and London, by George Orwell
What it was like to hit rock bottom back in the thirties.
And the Band Played On, by Randy Shilts
Still packs a punch.
A Bright Shining Lie, by Neil Sheehan
This Vietnam War classic has been out for twenty years, but I just got around to reading it a few weeks ago. Superb.
Huey Long, by T. Harry Williams
One of my favorite political biographies.
Eastern Approaches, by Fitzroy McLean
McLean wandered through Soviet Central Asia in the 1930s, witnessed Stalin’s show trials during the Great Purges, participated in long-range raids behind German lines in North Africa, and trekked through the mountains with Tito’s partisans. And he’s a great writer!
Embracing Defeat: Japan in the Wake of World War II, by John W. Dower
Or if you want to deviate from the histories and biographies, try some of Alan Furst’s 1930s / World War II era espionage novels. They’re very, very good, and they’ll definitely get her mind off East Texas. You can’t go wrong with either of the first two: ‘Night Soldiers’ or ‘The Polish Officer’.
sarah said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:49
g, i hope that you have a great time with your mom. perhaps she might enjoy some vonnegut?
sarah said,
February 12, 2008 at 9:49
oh shoot, and congratulations! gavin!
dalton periphery said,
February 12, 2008 at 12:19
Gavin- congratulations, and best of luck.
g- may i suggest Josephine Tey’s “The Daughter of Time”? fiction, but it is about a bedridden detective investigating Richard III and the princes in the tower- in fact, the framing story is just complimentary to the fascinating historical riddle, and the whole is very well written. Also reading an excellent new history of Timbuctoo, don’t have it with me so can’t tell you the exact title or the authors’ names… “Under The Banner of Heaven” (the history of the LDS church) should be read by everyone… “The Worst Journey In The World” by Apsley Cherry-Gerard is an account of Scott’s last Antarctic expedition, by one of the survivors… “News From Tartary” by Ian Fleming’s brother Peter is an old favorite… “Black Lamb, Grey Falcon” by Rebecca West is history,travel & philosophy by one of the best minds ever, if i could only keep one book, that would be it.
anangryoldbroad said,
February 12, 2008 at 13:05
Congrats Gavin. Wish I could be of help with the job thing,but I’m not connected in that realm.
g- Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States perhaps? Dee Brown’s Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee is good,and if you wanna go really heavy,Derrick Jensen’s The Culture of Make Believe,Listening to the Land or A Language Older than Words are amazing. Or you could get her the Planet Earth DVD set,and it even made my 14 yr old sit still in awe for a long time.
stryx said,
February 12, 2008 at 15:14
g-
Get your mom to read some Nelson Algren- Somebody in Boots. Or James T. Farrell’s Studs Lonigan books.
That should do it.
atheist said,
February 12, 2008 at 15:56
g, has your mom ever read “The Left Hand of Darkness” by Ursula K. LeGuin? That’s always a good one.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
February 12, 2008 at 15:58
Congratulations Gavin!
Since you’re a liberal I assume you’re getting married to a box turtle or an aardvark or a blender or something, but never the less congratulations.
atheist said,
February 12, 2008 at 16:10
Congrats Gavin, that’s really great news!
If I learn of someone needing photoshop, writing, editing, or general web design, I’ll mention you.
Dhalgren said,
February 12, 2008 at 16:13
MediaBistro, dan. Check the job listings there, just like all the rest of us little people.
You libruls. Expecting ‘networking’ to get you a job! You need to get your ass out there, boy. It’s called bootstrapping.
Dhalgren said,
February 12, 2008 at 16:14
MediaBistro, Gavin.
Check the job listings there, just like all the rest of us little people.
You libruls. Expecting ‘networking’ to get you a job! You need to get your ass out there, boy. It’s called bootstrapping.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 16:15
Oh Gavin –
Weddingplanningwise, if you’re going for a smallish ceremony, I had mine at Lineage in Coolidge Corner, Brookline. They’re new and don’t know to double their prices for weddings, and while there’s no room for dancing, the food is top notch and so is the service.
I also got my wedding dress at Priscilla’s of Boston during their bridesmaid dress sample sale for $20. But that may or may not go over well with your intended.
Mikey -
young, yes
female, yes
lady, never.
Jamey said,
February 12, 2008 at 16:26
Gavin: I forwarded your info to the Art Director where I work (a large book publisher), and to a friend of mine who runs a pixel mill.
Consider it sweets from a stranger.
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 17:04
Thanks, guys for the book suggestions!
Good stuff there.
Linnaeus said,
February 12, 2008 at 17:33
Did you go to Jared, Gavin? ‘Cause if you didn’t…
aimai said,
February 12, 2008 at 17:39
Gavin, why don’t you auction off a photoshopped picture of people at your wedding?
aimai
Gus said,
February 12, 2008 at 18:12
Elope. Trust me on this one. When I called to tell people after my wife and I eloped, I would say about half of the people we called said “I wish we had done that.” Of course it’s the bride’s day, so you’ll have little say in the matter…
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 18:51
True. I wanted to elope, but the parents overruled.
It’s not always the bride, y’know.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 18:56
True. I wanted to elope, but the parents overruled.
That’s why you elope.
Dan Someone said,
February 12, 2008 at 19:06
g, I’m going to second the recommendation for 1776. It’s the first history book I’ve ever read where by the end of it I was wishing he’d write a sequel. I want to know how it all ends!
Seriously, David McCullough could make a fortune writing a whole series. 1777, 1778, 1779, etc.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 19:16
Righteous Bubba – Couldn’t. Father was dying of cancer. There are some requests you just don’t say no to.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 19:22
Father was dying of cancer.
That’s something of an extenuating circumstance.
g said,
February 12, 2008 at 19:46
We went to the courthouse with 2 friends. As we parked in the garage, we saw another friend. She said “I’m here for jury duty – how about you guys?”
I said, “Oh, we’re getting married.”
We put all our money into the honeymoon, instead of the wedding. More fun that way.
Marsupial said,
February 12, 2008 at 20:10
What g (& others) said. My wife & I attempted to run off to Vegas, but we let a couple of people in the family know, and by the time we got to the chapel there were about 30 family & friends waiting. But, the chapel accommodated them, we still only paid for what we wanted (but no Elvis), and spent a week blowing tons of $ on our honeymoon, going from suite to suite.
Fortunately, my wife bought into this. You can have ‘nice’ without spending megabucks. 20 years later and no regrets about not doing a Barbie Wedding.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 20:17
I had this friend in sacramento in the mid eighties who fell in love and decided to get married (it was going to be her twelfth – honestly). So a bunch of us tweakers drove them up the hill to tahoe. By the time we got there, it was after midnight, but we managed to wake up the proprietors of this garish little wedding chapel. Right in the middle of the “ceremony”, she threw up. Somewhere there is a freakin hilarious audio tape.
One of the better memories of those days…
mikey
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 20:39
Righteous Bubba – Yup. And it wasn’t enough to stop a “Nice Guy” friend who was bitter I’d never slept with him from attempting to crash the wedding while drunk. I hope my dad’s haunting the bastard.
Robert M. said,
February 12, 2008 at 20:46
Ditto the congratulations, Gavin, and ditto ditto the elopement. My wife and I got married by a justice of the peace three hours from home, then threw a party at a good restaurant two weeks later.
Don’t hav any job leads, though. Wish I could help.
g, I second the nomination of “Team of Rivals”. Also, Daniel Schorr is NPR’s resident crotchety old guy, and has a new book out of collected essays. A little to the left of center, and very smart; I enjoyed it a lot.
mikey said,
February 12, 2008 at 20:58
Hey! Speaking of jobs and such.
If anybody knows of anyone looking to fill the position of “Resident Crotchety Old Guy”, that’s a position I’d truly love to interview for…
mikey
Thorlac the Fromago-fascist said,
February 12, 2008 at 21:07
Position: Resident Crotchety Old Guy
Requirements: At a minimum, candidate must have a lawn with an adjacent porch, in a neighborhood with abundant children, and a cane. Also, must have a strong raspy voice and ability to shake said cane menacingly.
tigrismus said,
February 12, 2008 at 21:20
This sounds pretty dreamy.
See also
Candy said,
February 12, 2008 at 21:33
A friend of mine and I have observed a correlation: The bigger and more lavish the wedding, the sooner comes the divorce. I know that correlation does not equal causation, but I’ve seen it again and again.
Congratulations, though, and have fun, no matter what size wedding you have.
Jacob Singer said,
February 12, 2008 at 21:56
We need an update today already! After the Senate FISA vote, I needs me some good snark, dammit!
Grand Moff Texan said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:02
In dreams, I walk with you …
… in dreams, I talk to you.
.
billy pilgrim said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:03
Candy, we had a big, cheap wedding.
billy pilgrim said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:04
dammit mikey, stay offa my turf….
and get offa my lawn!
D.N. Nation said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:24
Sorry for OT, but Tom Sowell’s latest droppings deserve the S,N! treatment:
http://www.townhall.com/Columnists/ThomasSowell/2008/02/12/the_media_and_politics
Sowell was saying this in *defense* of Limbaugh, Hannity, etc. Heh indoozle!
D.N. Nation said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:29
I’m sorry, I can’t stop with this one:
Again, said in DEFENSE of Limbaugh, Hannity, etc.
Does this man even know what a “Hugh Hewitt” is?
Kathleen said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:32
if you have to have a big** wedding, I recommend eloping first and not telling anyone. Nothing heads off those huge wedding-planning arguments like the knowledge that you’re already married!
** in terms of people, not $$. though with a lot of people you can’t help but pay a fortune. That said, $14k is a lot less than $35k, so aim low.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:38
Head-explodey
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:38
I’m sorry, I can’t stop with this one:
Wowsers. Right from the first sentence:
Chris St. James said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:43
I’m surprised you liberals even like American History and the book 1776. Especially considering that our Nations Founders and their ideas were Conservative, hence the term “Conservative” meaning to conserve America’s established Traditions.
However I encourage you commie libs to read it as you may discover a sudden appreciation for America and the ideas of limited government and traditional American values all of which our Founders esposed. “It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible.” George Washington.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:43
I’m an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church, and will gladly perform the wedding ceremony for Gavin and bride at no cost other than a good meal and a couple of nice fat joints.
As a matter of fact, I just married the two of you in full accordance with the rules of my church. There’s not much else you need to do except maybe wait for some number of years until your common law union is recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
You’re welcome. You may now kiss the bride.
(smattering of applause, followed by offstage shout, “Open bar!!1!”)
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:43
Geez Moff, even in your dreams you’re square. ;-)
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:44
Your search – “It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible.” – did not match any documents.
Grand Moff Texan said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:46
It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible
Uh, … should we tell him?
.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:50
So then are you guys all, like, Amish or something?
I likes me some quilts.
Grand Moff Texan said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:51
Geez Moff, even in your dreams you’re square. ;-)
I’m married, not to mention be-fathered.
Go figure.
.
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:51
“…wait for some number of years until your common law union is recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”
Sorry, doesn’t exist in the People’s Republic
If they wanted to move to New Hampshire they could have one in as little as three years, but it’s no good until one of them dies. Speaking of death, here’s to the happy couple!
jim said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:51
Re: job leads – I’m being a persistent a-hole this morning, so pardon. But have you posted your resume to the resume section of Craigslist?
I am seriously serious about this. It really does work. Or at least, it has for me and for every single other friend of mine that I’ve suggested this to.
Susan of Texas said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:53
And verily did our Ancestors use a Pen of Feathers, and knew not of the ungodly Beasts known as Mac and PC.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:54
I too have gotten many jobs off of craigslist. Or you could pose as an aspiring wingnut writer and ask Jonah Goldberg to throw some hot mother love your way.
pedestrian said,
February 12, 2008 at 22:55
It’s also hard to govern the world without becoming entangled in the affairs of Europe, but old George, he was an enigma.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:00
And verily did our Ancestors use a Pen of Feathers, and knew not of the ungodly Beasts known as Mac and PC.
Indeed their Stink was High, as they did Poop in tiny Pots and eschew Bathing thereafter.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:01
‘Cuz life is precious, and God. And the Bible.
/anybody get the reference?
Smut Clyde said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:09
It is impossible to effectively govern the world without black helicopters and a supra-national army imposed by stealth.
Fluoridation in the water helps, but is not essential.
Smiling Mortician said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:20
Jeezus, what an image. Reminds me of that age-old philosophical quandary: If you’re up to your neck in vomit and someone throws a bag of snot at your face, do you duck?
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:28
That’s an easy one. Cmon, it’s in a bag.
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:29
And, my feminist allies will kill me for this, but I have to add:
And old bag.
Candy said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:29
Billy, I believe it’s the cost more than the size of the wedding that’s the factor. I think it’s actually that the familial infighting that frequently occurs with big, expensive galas seems to set the course for disaster. Add competing religious beliefs/non-beliefs, et voila, marriage on the rocks, right out of the gate.
If I ever decided to actually go through with getting married – and didn’t elope – I would do the barefoot in the park thing, and then have a big ass party. A keg and a few bottles of cheap wine would do it. (Those who need expensive Scotch, byob.) Then I’d find a local band willing to play for beer and a hat passing. My ex’s band loved playing wedding receptions. They’d pass the hat right when people were getting well-lubed, but before they started drifting away, and they always did very well. Plus it was fun. I’d highly recommend it. I’m sure someone of Gavin’s savoir faire will know some excellent musicians.
I’ve got to go to my biology class now, which reminds me: Happy Darwin Day!
Ugly In Pink said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:29
Er, “An” old bag.
Archbishop Ussher said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:30
Can we all have invitations to this “big ass-party” of which Candy speaks?
tigrismus said,
February 12, 2008 at 23:35
Especially considering that our Nations Founders and their ideas were Conservative
The founders were radicals. The Tories were the Conservatives of the day.
Smut Clyde said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:01
It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible
I for one would like to hear more about George Washington’s plans for world domination.
g said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:07
I attended a family wedding this December, and the only thing contentious about it was one family member being a mooch and trying to grab some of the attention for himself, incensed that everyone else was paying attention to those attention-hogs, the bride and groom.
the other notable observation I had of him was that if my family has another wedding soon, it’ll be one of the shot-gun variety, ’cause his 22 and 19 year old daughters were certainly advertising their availability on the dance floor.
Interestingly, he’s the only family member who claims to be a “born again” Christian.
gbear said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:08
As someone who played drums in a band at many a wedding reception, I would say that hiring a band pretty much guarantees that family members will be drunk and fighting by the last set, if not with each other then with the hall staff, the servers, the band, or with total strangers in the bar attached to the hall. God, how I hated weddings.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:13
I for one would like to hear more about George Washington’s plans for world domination.
He tried it, and now he’s DEAD. Think about THAT.
Anne Laurie said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:37
Weddings: If any of the prospective inlaws can afford it, they should absolutely be hit up for donations, because in the majority of all normal-people weddings (defined as “weddings the vast Bridal Industry would never permit televising”) they will be the ones having the spendy ideas. The magic phrase “Well, that’s not in our budget — but if *you* really want [an open bar/$10,000 dress/junior bridesmaids]…” has helped many a fantasizing parent differentiate between their dreams and their offsprings’. Of course, then you might end up stuck with the junior bridesmaids…
Spousal unit and I only made it legal because *his* dad offered to pay for it. “If you make it legal,” Spousal Unit was informed, “it’ll be that much harder for her to run away and break your heart.” Why, yes, spouse’s parents were no longer married — why do you ask?
Smut Clyde said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:41
In my imaginary film adaptation of Chris St. James’ version of the American Revolution, Bruno Ganz and Udo Kier play George Washington and Benjamin Franklin. Christopher Walken appears in a cameo role as King George III, and Weta Workshop do the CGI work for the scenes involving the Alien Overlords…
…No, wait, that last bit belongs to my imaginary film adaptation of Childhood’s End. Carry on with whatever you were doing.
Smut Clyde said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:44
The only wedding advice I can give is not to invite any ancient mariners. They always make nuisances of themselves, boring the guests and talking so much that you can hardly hear the loud bassoon.
g said,
February 13, 2008 at 0:58
Hmmm, as far as our Nation’s birth is concerned, according to Wikipedia’s “American Revolution” entry, the insidious threat of muslamofascist influence was there right in the beginning:
Morocco was the first country to recognize the independence of the United States of America from the Kingdom of Great Britain in 1777. The two countries signed the Moroccan-American Treaty of Friendship ten years later.
Smut Clyde said,
February 13, 2008 at 1:09
When I read the press releases from Crotchety Old Guys for Small Government, I used to take them seriously, until I discovered that their spokeman (a certain ‘Mikey’) could not crochet. Despite his demonstrations of knitting skills, I still suspect that COG4SG is just another Republican Get-off-my-Astroturf group.
jim said,
February 13, 2008 at 1:34
If you have do have ancient mariners, though, definitely have the Iron Maiden ones. They kick ass.
mikey said,
February 13, 2008 at 2:33
Maybe so, Herr Clyde, but you oughta see what I can do with a dozen feet of orange primacord, a quarter pound of fine mesh aluminum powder and two disarmed red smoke grenades.
Oooohh.
Pretty….
mikey