- Wayne LaPierre’s speech about gun rights is remarkably well-received. The part the audience likes best is a short film in which people who have killed criminals talk about how guns saved their lives; in filmed re-creations of the crime scenes, all the bad guys are blacks. LaPierre’s narration: “Menacing figures coming towards you in the shadows…you are defenseless and completely alone.” It’s 1992 all over again!
- Rachel Marsden, all-around conservative gadfly, is giving out free t-shirts to those who can answer questions about Ronald Reagan. The t-shirts, which Rachel had made herself, read, “C.I.A. CENTER FOR AQUATIC EXCELLENCE – WATERBOARDING TEAM”. The crowd just came apart when they saw this — biggest laugh of the convention so far. Torture is hilarious!
- One of Rachel’s questions: who was the worst Democratic president in history? “FDR”, a large number of people call out. (That man!) “Carter,” say a lot fewer than I would have expected. “Woodrow Wilson,” say the majority -– the Doughy Pantload must be pleased that his audience can properly identify a liberal fascist when called upon to do so. The ‘correct’ answer? “All of them!” Cue sad trumpet.
- The Hugo Chavez Democrats: Silencing the Right panel is by far the most deluded I’ve sat in on so far, as well-paid right-wing blowhards with bestselling books and radio shows with huge audiences stand in front of true believers who paid upward of $500 to listen to them speak and argue that liberals are not allowing them to be heard. It’s especially odd since, before she introduces each panelist, she talks about how their websites get millions of hits, or their show has the biggest audience in its area, or their book was a New York Times best-seller. The suffering! When will conservatives be able to catch a fucking break?
- Number of times Hugo Chavez is actually mentioned by the panelists: 0.
- Andrew Breitbart talks about the terrible pain of being a conservative in La-La Land. Liberals, he says, are “the angriest people the world has ever known,” while conservatives in Hollywood must exist in the closet like gays. He compares Charlton Heston to Rock Hudson, not in gayness, but in having to conceal his true nature lest he miss out on the choice roles. A number of hot young Hollywood actors (who, curiously, he does not bother to name) have sat in front of him and cried about how much they care for our boys in uniform; but they dare not reveal their secret trips to visit wounded soldiers, because “they don’t want anyone to know they support the troops.” We all know how much the public hates it when people support the troops.
- WorldNetDaily.com leading maniac Joseph Farah’s mustache is off the fucking chain. He looks like a doughier G. Gordon Liddy wearing a bad wig.
- Before giving his usual bullshit boilerplate about how our universities are overrun by life-hating, “freedom-killing” Reds who do their level best to keep conservatives off campus – a curious claim because there are hundreds of college conservatives in the room as he says those words – David Horowitz sits up front restlessly. He pouts, drums his fingers, gazes around the room, shuffles through his notes, and refuses to pay the slightest bit of attention to the other speakers. For him, life is just a long, barely tolerable bunch of waiting periods before he is allowed to speak again.
- I had a fascinating conversation with one of the CafePress.com reps, who thinks that their tracking of candidates’ t-shirt sales and other merchandise may prove to be predictive of the election. Also, it was fun to talk to him because like your humble lobbyist for the American Milk Solids Council, he has to basically pretend to be a crazy right-winger and hide his own light under a bushel in order to make the sale. We leave each other with a manly tear of regret in the corners of our eyes. Only the French Foreign Legion understands us.
Above: Ace of Spades, CPAC Blogger of the Year