Crap, I’m moving to Canada!

(Lesley, FWIW, I suspect the Iraqis would be much, much happier if the neocons weren’t all that into them. Until the insane kleptocrats are no longer in charge of the government, most countries would be better off being ignored by US foreign policy.)

Thank you Chris St. James for the undeserved compliment. I hope some day to live up to such an ideal. Alas, I still buy three-ply toilet paper.

Sheesh, the laziness of the crappy younger troll generation.

ironically – this being a lefty blog and all – this is precisely the attitude citizens of the rest of the world despise in Americans.

Lesly, I was joking. I lurv canadia! I r french-canadian.
Vive le back bacon!

Lesley, it’s the nitty-gritty and earthiness of real-life situations that make travel exciting and cruises, therefore, the most exciting.

99.9% of the passengers were Americans – most were loud, obnoxious and large beyond their means. I met one Democrat – a wealthy older gent who claimed to be a friend of Bill Clinton – and two other Canadians while on board. The others (we encountered) were all Republicans. The first night we were seated at a dining table filled with fundie Christian nutjobs weighing between 200 and 400 lbs. From the gaudy interiors to the all-you-can eat mediocre buffets, to the underpaid Filipino staff (who stole shit from my room…) and the massive pollution the ship inflicted on the pristine environment it was all we could do to restrain ourselves from jumping and swimming home. I’ve never felt so ashamed of myself in my life being a part of that ridiculously bloated vessel. I will never ever take another cruise.

Okay grandpa. Maybe you’ve been sleeping and haven’t noticed a little thing called THE LOVE BOAT. Maybe if you weren’t stuck in 1975 you’d understand that we in the modern era have moved from slap and giggle to real-life drama about adult situations.

You’ve obviously never flown premium class

Here I was thinking that planes had no class. Take that Rudy! But you might not get that kind of cutting edge stuff.

Okay grandpa. Maybe you haven’t noticed a little thing called THE LOVE BOAT? Maybe if you weren’t stuck in 1975 you’d understand that we in the modern era have moved from slap and giggle to real-life drama about adult situations.

You’ve obviously never flown premium class

And here I was thinking that planes have no class. Cutting edge Fat Albert references a little too much for ya? Yeah that’s right.

You’ve obviously never flown premium class or you wouldn’t have to ask. Dieter, my personal foot masseur, sips spring water so he can spit at you.

Just the kind of condescending elitism I’ve come to expect from cruisies. You cruisies are the Yankee fans of the leisure world. No souls.

But sweet Jeebus, in December I went on a repositioning cruise from Rome to Fort Lauderdale full of Americans, and let me say this:

Yeah, others have touched on this, but dude. A cruise. The very definition of a structured, bogus vacation environment. I’m not surprised in the slightest that your standard issue Annoying American flourished in that environment.

A good friend of mine from several years ago worked for a while on cruise ships as a drummer in the various house bands.

He worked for both the Carnival and Princess lines, which were major players at the time. His major motivations were, he said: OK money, occasionally awesome tips, time off while in port, and lots of blow jobs from bored housewives.

He also described the living and working conditions for the staff, as well as the very strict hierarchy based on who does what (British and Norwegian officers at the very top, Phillippino kitchen slaves at the very bottom).

Based on our discussions I will never set foot on a cruise ship. I just don’t like the odds, from an infectious disease point of view.