Sample quote:

He grants that some of his points are trivial and others may appear outrageous, so that nothing he says should be taken as both true and interesting at the same time.

Is that quotable, or what?

I guess one can take this attempt at political humor as final confirmation, if any were needed, that Red State has failed to make itself into the Daily Kos of the right.

There’s every possibility that he didn’t write it. I consider myself an authority, since I was the first guy to blow the whistle on him at Daily Kos and resulting kerfuffle there brought me my 15 minutes of internet fame and about half that amount of time as a “Trusted User” before I pissed someone off and lost it.

Re: the Mikey/Journey thing.

No way in hell that isn’t true. Parse that, bitches!

Re: the Melanin Challenged thing.

Awesome.

Notably, there’s a Batman story whose title I cannot remember where he works to save the Joker from the electric chair because the Joker did not in fact commit the crime that earned him the death penalty.

(Aside: the Joker crippled Gordon’s daughter– the “molested” part is sort of left up in the air.)

Moreover, if global warming was real, unicorns would be air conditioned…

Then that kid started to point and yell from other yards “dirty Mexican!!!” (she was only 5!!), so I would just point and yell at the top of my lungs “dirty _____” whatever inapplicable nationality came to mind. Estonian, Australian, Colombian, whatever.

I finally had to confront her (Bob Jones Educated) Dad about it because she kept beating up my then-3-year-old and he insisted that they weren’t racist. His defense was that, “We had a party for her (one of their 8 kids) and we invited everyone in her class, even the black girl!”.

Yeah, they are now paying two mortgages because this house won’t sell but I ran them off. All of the incense and rainbow flags and Patti Smith etc. just was too much. So much for Pottery Barn Ruby Ridge!

On the upside I realized that no bigotry can be rationalized and stopped being the official online defender of Pamela Geller et al…..ROFL….see? Always a silver lining.

Also, did you know that humans have equal amounts of melanin but some less activated than others? I used to stay out of the sun but now I get as dark as I can just to piss people here off….LOL…..and because I’m lazy and like to listen to my iPod at the pool.

I thought everyone would enjoy the above summary statement from the American Conservative critique of DoughBob’s waste of ink and trees.

My summary statement is that Loady’s prose and grammar are so circuitous that it is almost impossible to follow an idea through the course of a single sentence. When I was a teaching assistant in grad school, this approach was known as an attempt to baffle with bullshit; I didn’t fall for it then and it ain’t working now Loadyboy. BS is BS, no matter how many big words you got off your Word-a-day calendar you moron.

PS. I know you are reading this, Mr. Mommy Got Me a Good Job; you are too much of an immature narcisist not too!

* Believes in capital punishment for rape and for wearing underwear outside your pants.

… might be an attempt at two separate thoughts, i.e. “Batman believes in capital punishment for rape.” And: “Batman is for wearing underwear outside your pants.”

But probably not. This one, though, is clearly confusing:

* Believes in protecting innocent human life from conception until he or the state puts it to death.

Batman believes in protecting innocent human life from being conceived? That’s how it reads …

I know people who actually don’t believe that the sort of racial profiling you describe really happens. You probably won’t be surprised to hear that they’re all melanin-challenged.

I’m a white woman. My skin only has pigment in the form of freckles, and not much of that, because I avoid the sun. For years, I’ve driven the same car. At one point, my tail light was cracked, and I didn’t fix it because a) I’m lazy and b) I’m poor. Never once was I pulled over for it. I’m talking a period of four years or so, both in Iowa and in Washington.

2004: I’m in a relationship with a Latino. He sometimes drives my car. He always drives if we go out, since he never drinks and I, um, do. We were pulled over repeatedly in burbs I’d driven in frequently over the years. Reason? Tail light. Over and over. Well, we fixed it of course, and then we got pulled over because a cop didn’t like the way the tags were stuck on the plate. Always let go with a warning, but still! Driving While Brown was the reason. We just don’t go to those burbs much these days.

I loved your account of your friend taunting the cops, Arky. It was funny and I laughed. But there is part of me that just can’t laugh at this stuff, and is bitterly resentful about it. It’s fucked up.

what about Geddy Lee? Or at least Alice Cooper?

Thanks for the tip, sadly nosy bastard.

At least there people will not ask me when I’m landscaping if “the owner of the house is home”

A melanin enhanced family friend owned several houses in what may be the most insanely overpriced area in the region. Melanin enhanced residents who didn’t have personal guards and nine cameras around the door were non-existent in this neighborhood. FotF lived in the largest house and if you went to visit and you were also melanin enhanced he made you help him with his favorite hobby (or at least watch):

Step 1: Sit on the front step waving at the tourist trolleys.
Step 2: Smoke, have a drink.

Eventually a foot patrol comprised of two officers will amble by and ask who he is, what he’s doing, where the owner was.

Step 3: Go into the worst imitation of a Vaudville negro complete with Yassuhs, Nawsuhs, rolling of eyes offers to dance and shine the officers’ shoes.

Depending on the intelligence/belligerence of officers:

Step 4a: Laugh as the cops hurried away.
Step 4b: Get into an escalating dispute with the police about who owned what, where he was allowed to sit and relevant city laws and codes. Unwilling participants may smile, stare in awe and/or wonder if they’re going to wind up in jail.

Step 5: Drink to another victory over the police.

I think they gave that patrol to rookies because as long as I knew him, he never ran out of cops to annoy.

Burr: The math is preposterously easy, actually: “Cloverfield” equals “Godzilla” divided by “The Blair Witch Project.”

Jonah: As many have noted, it’s sort of The Blair Witch Project meets Godzilla.

[That's fair, at least he attributes the phrase.]

Burr: They’re young, good-looking, generically hip, and played by unknowns who share those qualities. I kept waiting for Scooby-Doo to turn up

Jonah: A bunch of vacuous twenty-something hipster doofuses are at a party in Lower Manhattan when a critter that looks like a cross between Godzilla and a praying mantis attacks the city.

[A little Burr, a little Seinfeld...]

Burr: “Cloverfield” captures the chronic self-absorption of the Facebook generation with breathless, cleverly recycled media savvy, and then it stomps that self-absorption to death.

Jonah: It’s Godzilla for the MySpace generation and nothing more.

[Bingo! But Jonah thought up the movie's message all on his own.]

Burr: It’s a short, efficient, terrifying monster movie, no more and no less.

Jonah: The message of the film is that such youthful feelings of permanent bliss can be rendered an illusion in an instant. In the wake of 9/11 and with the very real possibility that the first city to be nuked after Nagasaki and Hiroshima may well be New York, that strikes me a message worth pondering, even from a “Godzilla movie.”

[So the message is you, too, can be dead instantly? Jonah needs to worry about the Islamofascistgojira less, and the fat and carbohydrates more. No wonder he resents Whole Foods.]

Here are the things he gets right:

* Unflinching pursuit of the enemy.
* Deliverer of violent righteous justice.
* Absolutely willing to scare, beat, and torture the vile to save the lives of the innocent.
* If you come into his house, he wants to use any weapon he pleases against you, including ones he invented, permits be damned.
* Richer than God, and no, he’s not ashamed of it.

And here’s the stuff he gets really, really wrong:

* Believes in capital punishment for rape and for wearing underwear outside your pants.

No, not a bit. Not even a little. This is an utterly bizarre statement, as anyone with even a little knowledge of Batman knows that his old costume was the underwear-on-the-outside model. And he hangs out with Superman, who still wears the classic underwear costume. Domenich is stupid.

* Hates hippies, bad folk music, and corruption.

Again, utterly bizarre, and with no connection to anything that ever appeared in the comics.

* Believes in revitalizing the inner city through capitalism and two-fisted justice.

Sure, if by “capitalism,” you mean “extensive charity work.”

* Wants to be left the hell alone to worship when, what, and how Batman chooses.

Technically true, but I don’t think that means what Domenich thinks it means. It doesn’t mean that Batman wants to beat people up for not worshiping his preferred god.

* Believes in protecting innocent human life from conception until he or the state puts it to death.

Batman don’t kill.

* Zionist.

Nope.

* Clearly opposed to the death tax.

Not clear at all, as the issue has never been raised in the comics.

I am pretty sure, however, that Batman is on record as wanting to kick lying plagiarists’ asses…

Thanks, that was amusing. He really wants it both ways, doesn’t he?

Shorter JGold:
I correctly note that those effete egghead liberal movie reviewers need to stop overanalyzing shit and enjoy a good bone-crunching monster movie for all of of its nuanced psychological overtones and deep historical significance.

Even shorter:
US : WWII Japan :: Al Qaeda : US