Dec
28

The Very Serious Peggy Noonan




Posted at 18:42 by Brad

Glennzilla writes:

In her Wall St. Journal column today, Peggy Noonan offers up a Santa-like checklist of which presidential candidates are “reasonable” and which ones aren’t. In describing the attributes that Americans want in a President, she says: “I claim here to speak for thousands, millions.” On behalf of the throngs for whom she fantasizes she speaks, Noonan proclaims: “We are grown-ups . . . We’d like knowledge, judgment, a prudent understanding of the world and of the ways and histories of the men and women in it.”

This grown-up then proceeds to pronounce that Romney, McCain, Giuliani, Thompson and Duncan Hunter are all “reasonable” — as are Biden, Dodd, Richardson and Obama (though too young and inexperienced to be President) — but this is what she says about John Edwards:

John Edwards is not reasonable. . . . .[W]e can’t have a president who spent two minutes on YouTube staring in a mirror and poofing his hair. Really, we just can’t.

So Peggy Noonan is a “grown-up.”

Indeed she is, sir. However, I think the very finest example of Ms. Noonan’s sober-minded and grown-up political judgment can be found in this column written right after the 2004 presidential election. The column’s title, if you can believe it, is an approving reference to George W. Bush’s testicles [my emphasis]:

‘He’s Got Two of ‘Em’: Why I can’t stop being happy about the election result.

Well, I just can’t stop being happy. I don’t mean elated–it’s hard to get elated by big history, as opposed to by the birth of a baby, say, or a child’s being elected president of the debating club–but I continue to feel relief (the exit poll hives have gone down) and satisfaction (my countrymen, such good sense they have). So let’s just let the mood continue and have fun. [...]

I think the people tended toward Mr. Bush because they saw him as a good American man, a man they know–an imperfect one with an imperfect past who turned his life around with grit and grace. That’s a very American story. It’s one we all know, and respect. [...]

The American people arguably did not pick the more interesting man in the race. Mr. Kerry strikes me as a complicated and intelligent person, and the one time I spent any time with him he seemed to be bright, and to have an interesting range of thoughts on many issues. Mr. Bush, on the other hand, does not strike me as the most interesting man in the world. That’s one of the things I love about him. I sort of have a theory that Americans don’t necessarily desire terribly interesting men as presidents. “Interesting” tends to bring with it a whole bunch of other attributes–”complicated,” “hard to figure,” “unknowable,” “startling,” even sometimes “tortured and tragic.” A lot of us are Republicans, and we just hate tortured and tragic. [...]

About a year ago I was visiting West Point, and I was talking to a big officer, a general or colonel. But he had the medals and ribbons and the stature, and he asked me what I thought of President Bush. I tried to explain what most impressed me about Mr. Bush, and I kept falling back on words like “courage” and “guts.” I wasn’t capturing the special quality Mr. Bush has of making a tough decision and then staying with it if he thinks it’s right and paying the price even when the price is high and–

I stopped speaking for a moment. There was silence. And then the general said, “You mean he’s got two of ‘em.” And I laughed and said yes, that’s exactly what I mean. And the same could be said of Reagan.

So three years after praising Bush’s balls, Peggy now wants a president who has “knowledge, judgment, a prudent understanding of the world.” Go figure.

134 Comments »

  1. Jim/The Velvet Blog said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:48

    Perhaps … two brain cells?

  2. D. Sidhe said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:50

    How about a president who spends seven minutes in real life staring at a children’s book? That’s fine, then? As long as he’s got two of ‘em, I guess.

    Cognitive dissonance, thy name is Peggy Noonan.

  3. LFC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:50

    I tried to explain what most impressed me about Mr. Bush, and I kept falling back on words like “courage” and “guts.”

    Yeah, his courage was on full display when he dodged service in a war that he verbally supported. Two words; chicken hawk.

    As the joke goes, what’s the difference between Vietnam and Iraq? George Bush had an exit strategy for Vietnam.

  4. LFC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:51

    “Mr. Bush, on the other hand, does not strike me as the most interesting man in the world.”

    Translation: Dumb as a stump.

  5. Jillian said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:52

    DUNCAN HUNTER is reasonable? Perhaps on Pod Person Planet.

    And the reason Nooners is obsessed with Bush’s testicles is because she can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to have them in her mouth.

    Yeah, I went there. Not apologizing for it, either.

  6. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:53

    Well, He’s upper class high society, God’s gift to ballroom notoriety, and he always fill his ballroom, the event is never small. Peggy Noonan says he’s got the Biggest Balls of them All !!!!oneEin!!1911

    He’s got big balls
    He’s got big balls
    And they’re such big balls
    Dirty big balls
    And he’s got big balls,
    And she’s got big balls,
    But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all 1!Ein11one911!!

    That’s reasonable I suppose.

  7. moondancer said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:57

    Will somebody please send that drunken harlot to rehab. The next thing on the horizon will be crying jags on live TV. Oh, Noonan you’re a Tammy Faye Baker disgrace.

  8. Jeopardude said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:57

    About a year ago I was visiting West Point, and I was talking to a big officer, a general or colonel. But he had the medals and ribbons and the stature…

    After that sentence, I was sure you were going to type “AHA! OMG JK FOR REELZ” and we’d laugh at the parody. But really, can you imagine how the wingnuts would react if Krugman had this sentence in a column of his?

  9. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:58

    oh, and one last thing concerning bush, I’ve seen people like him, and if there’s one thing I am 100% sure about..it’s that bush’s big balls comes from a prescription of Xanax or Clonazipam.

    History won’t be kind to the Noonan’s, Goldbergs, Kristols, et al, unfortunately I’ll probably be too dead to gloat.

  10. Hümor Me said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:58

    I’d just like to interject the term “teabag” into this discussion.

  11. tigrismus said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:58

    I frankly don’t believe that “reasonable Romney,” the Mormon Ken doll, spends any less time or energy on his looks than does Edwards.

  12. Gary Ruppert said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:59

    The fact is, liberals have no balls, and want big mommy and daddy government socislism to provide all. Here in the Heartland, we work hard for everything and thank God and Country for our fortune earned, not taken. Liberals are just jealous and want to tax away our hard work for gay rights and other immortal pursuits.

  13. Notorious P.A.T. said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:01

    How about a president who spends seven minutes in real life staring at a children’s book?

    That was certainly courageous, as was Bush’s veto of expanding health care coverage for needy children. It’s hard to describe what impressed me most about that.

  14. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:03

    I keep my balls dry Gary, I know you guys can’t say that.

    It people like you pissin yourselves out of fear that brings us to this point in US history.

  15. Tom said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:07

    Noonan is 57. How long do you think she spends in front of the mirror preening herself before showing up on FoxNews? And I’ll bet she does a lot more with her hair than just “poofing” it.

  16. icculus said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:07

    Have the scales been tipped? I think so. John Edwards on Jan. 3?

    Yep.*

    *This decision is not to be considered “final” or “binding” in any way.

  17. g said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:07

    /well, Gary, I for one will give you a tax exemption for all your hard work for gay rights and other immortal (?) pursuits.

  18. SenderC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    A lot of us are Republicans, and we just hate tortured and tragic.

    But you Republicans really love torture and tragedy — it’s pretty much your platform at this moment. A little bit ironic, doncha think?

  19. Jennifer said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    Certainly a woman who believes that dolphins sent by God rescued a little boy from drowning is the very best person to be lecturing the rest of us about who and what is reasonable.

  20. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    Noonan, the thing about Colonels and Generals is, you can tell the difference by their insignias….how the fuck can’t you know that?

  21. JoshWatermanMN said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    As one liberal living in the “Heartland,” I think what Peggy Noonan really wants is a Presidental Teabagging.

    She will have to wait her turn until after Michelle Bachman is done, though.

  22. JC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    I like that photo of Peggy. It must have been difficult for Fox News to get someone from the Wall Street Journal to come on their network. Oh…wait.

  23. b.h said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    Well, I think I need to dedicate myself much more diligently to the cause of gay rights. I had no idea that was the immortal pursuit. Go figure.

  24. Tom said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:08

    Here in the Heartland, we work hard for everything and thank God and Country for our fortune earned, not taken.

    Are you talking about those farm subsidies that you are sucking out of my wallet?

  25. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:10

    “I stopped speaking for a moment. There was silence. And then the general said, ”

    aah, you were just pretending to be teh stupid for a moment.

  26. mcair said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:10

    “Here in the Heartland, we work hard for everything and thank God and Country for our fortune earned, not taken.”

    The thing is, when you look at the states that contribute less and withdraw more from the “welfare state”, they all tend to be in the “Heartland”.

    When you get right down to it, those in “the Heartland” are really living off the backs of us big-city liberals. That’s OK, ’cause even though you’re an ignorant hick, we love ya anyways.

  27. Arky - Fascitanata said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:14

    Phew! Thanks Jillian.

    That’s one of the things I love about him. I sort of have a theory that Americans don’t necessarily desire terribly interesting men as presidents.

    What a stupid wank. In 2000 all I heard from Pegleg’s pals was “Ewwww! Gore’s soooo dull! I wanna have a drink with Bush!!”

    …Of course, Gore did win that one…

    But PNs still a stupid wank.

  28. pygalgia said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:14

    Jillian beat me to it, but anybody who thinks that Duncan Hunter is “reasonable” is certifiably nuts.

  29. Fozzetti said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:16

    So, They ordered Noonan to attack Edwards. He must be scaring them.

  30. Jrod said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:18

    Nooner on Hitlary:

    But this is not, actually, my central problem with her candidacy. My central problem is that the next American president will very likely face another big bad thing, a terrible day, or days, and in that time it will be crucial–crucial–that our nation be led by a man or woman who can be, at least for the moment and at least in general, trusted. Mrs. Clinton is the most dramatically polarizing, the most instinctively distrusted, political figure of my lifetime. Yes, I include Nixon. Would she be able to speak the nation through the trauma? I do not think so. And if I am right, that simple fact would do as much damage to America as the terrible thing itself.

    In other words, Clinton can’t be President because shills like Peggy Noonan have made her the boogeyman.

    The only millions for which Peggy speaks are dollars.

  31. stryx said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:19

    Am I the only one who gets the impression that in 2004, Pegs and W maybe had a ‘special friendship’? That story just sounds like a gushing mash note masquerading as ‘journalism.’

    Would someone please adjust the GarySaulBot so that it stops using the phrase “in the Heartland”? The way it is used sets my teeth on edge, even more than the ridiculous things they are saying.

  32. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:19

    “I wasn’t capturing the special quality Mr. Bush has of making a tough decision and then staying with it if he thinks it’s right and paying the price even when the price is high and–”

    A free copy of Jonah’s book for the first person to list the price bush himself has paid for his long record of incompetence. He still had his vacations, his codpiece victory dance, plastic Turkeys, fishing trips, bicycle crashes…even his black eye was caused by beer and pretzels, not policy.

    And if Noonan is 57, I’d say having her head stuck firmly in her ass is a testament to her longevity and limberness.

  33. Bigby said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:23

    Nooner literally moves me 180 degrees opposite with whatever
    she says. I wonder how Garybot’s Hartland Cletuses would actually feel in
    a room with the Aristocrat Nooner. I’d bet they’d thank HER for the privilege
    of voting her taxes down to Zero while they work triple shifts at WalMart (until
    they’re summarily fired for crossing the Eeeeevil overtime threshold). Chumps.
    And Nooner laughs at them all the way to the bank…she really does, Garybot.
    Count on it. You vote GOP to wish to be like her, but you never will be. WalMart
    for life then no Social Security when you retire, while Nooner and the only GOP
    Bush really cares about laugh at you. And we laugh at you, too, but for different
    reasons.

  34. Joe Klein's conscience said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:25

    Gary Ruppert:
    Are you being snarky or serious?

  35. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:26

    Considering how much time she spends washing them and seeing them up close, she must be forgiven for believing they are actually large.

  36. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:27

    Gary Ruppert said,

    December 28, 2007 at 18:59

    The fact is, liberals have no balls

    Come here and lick mine if you’re so certain of that, dickless.

  37. Arky - Fascitanata said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:29

    My central problem is that the next American president will very likely face another big bad thing, a terrible day, or days, and in that time it will be crucial–crucial–that our nation be led by a man or woman who can be, at least for the moment and at least in general, trusted.

    It is so fucking unfair that I have to engage in tons of analysis before I write a single word while Pegs gets paid to dribble out shit like “another big bad thing.”

    Is there a way to compile a list of people who take this dickhead seriously? I have an extra large SMACK for those folks.

  38. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:30

    “I have an extra large SMACK for those folks.”

    You giving away Jonah’s book too?

  39. kingubu said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:31

    The thing is, when you look at the states that contribute less and withdraw more from the “welfare state”, they all tend to be in the “Heartland”.

    A-yup, and samey-same with respect to all that morally superior “family values” bullshit. Divorce, teen pregnancy, STDs, etc… all occur at higher rates in FakeGary’s mythical Pancreasville.

  40. Smiling Mortician said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:33

    Gary Ruppert:
    Are you being snarky or serious?

    I vote snark. I mean, come on: “gay rights and other immortal pursuits”? Hnarf! It is to laugh. I am not laughing, however, at the unfortunate image of Gee-dub’s testicles that Peggy has lasered into my mind’s eye. I fear it can only be removed by googling a goatse or something.

  41. MrWonderful said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:37

    What this Loony Noonan post and the previous Mrs. Dr. Perfessor post demonstrate–in living stereo–is this iron principle of the right:

    YOU CAN SAY AND WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT.

    It doesn’t have to be true. It doesn’t have to be plausible or arguable or even possible. It doesn’t matter if it’s obviously untrue. It doesn’t matter if you made it up and claimed to have “discovered” it.

    Just say and write whatever you want. There will always be an editor to pay for it and a publisher to publish it.

    That’s why these people don’t “believe in” global warming: because they don’t believe in the very idea of pollution. When you make your living polluting public discourse, all day every day, how can that be considered “bad”?

  42. dBa said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:40

    I used to think bush was bowlegged because he lived on a ranch, until I discovered he’s never ridden a horse.

    Thanks Pegs, now I know it’s those massive +4 Man-testicles of Guts and Knowledge imbued with glowy Defense gems.

  43. Wanderer said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:40

    There are none braver than a President who cowred in a bunker on the night of 9/11 with Jeff Gannon.

  44. Doodle Bean said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:41

    Noonan’s writing becomes clear when you consider that, in her world, “two of ‘em” is the same thing as “knowledge, judgment, a prudent understanding of the world.”

    No difference to fucking wankers like Noonan.

  45. Scott said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:42

    Glenn also provided this quote from one of Nooners earlier love notes to Bush:

    ….. He’s not an intellectual.

    That quote distills the anti-intellectualism that pervades the right wing in this country. What Peggers really meant was: I don’t like politicians who are smarter than I am.

  46. Arky - Fascitanata said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:43

    You giving away Jonah’s book too?

    No way. The sting of a smack will fade. The damage inflicted by 400+ pages of High Caliber Stooopid would last a life time. I maybe a fascistianata, but I’m not cruel.

  47. t4toby said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:43

    O/T Hardy-Har.

  48. Doodle Bean said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:43

    Only one typo: I’m calling fake gary!

  49. t4toby said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:44

    Is there a real Gary? Or Saul? Or Kevin?

    Aren’t they all fake?

  50. Nylund said,

    December 28, 2007 at 19:48

    So Gary, let me get this straight, taxing my salary for farm subsidies to give a man a few hundred acres of corn is ok, but giving someone a food stamp to get a single ear of corn is eeevil?

    Liberals hate wasteful government spending too, so if you don’t mind, could you please cut me that check for my share of the trillions the US will spend on the Iraq war? I’d also like back my share of the $27,000,000,000.00 of farm subsidies.

    And just look at the data. Most welfare goes to rural white folks in the heartland.

    But hey, I’m sure the little miss appreciated that bottle of perfume you got her at Walmart with your prized Bush tax cut. Nevermind the fact that people that make hundreds of millions a year only have an effective tax rate around 17% now because of it while your still probably around 40+%

    And go ask your buddies on the farm about how they feel about ConAgra and the other corporate republican agriculture companies.

    You can piss yourself with fear and blame liberals, islamofascists, or the monster under your bed for whatever it is that makes you such a scared and bitter person, but in the end, the only thing that is holding you down Gary are the things in your own head.

  51. Mellifluous said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:06

    Peggy, have you ever seen magic dolphins? Were they driving a UFO?

  52. Marion in Savannah said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:06

    “the only thing that is holding you down Gary are the things in your own head”

    Wow. Now there’s a scary thought… I have a really good exterminator to take care of that for him.

  53. Mr. Sparkle said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:08

    People, people, you’re forgetting the most important part of Noonan’s piece: John Edwards is a faggot! Sure, he may actually have the balls to take on the health insurance companies, proposing universal health care and an actual plan to help bring our economy back under control…but do we really want a President who was YouTubed taking exceptional care of his hair? That Ahma-dinnerjacket ((C) my dad) guy from Iran might call us mean names!

    .This is why we should elect a manly man like Rudy Giuliani, who may be a proto-fascist that makes George Bush look like that guy from Hogan’s Heroes. He’s not afraid to beat the dead horse of 9/11 like a vengeful necrophiliac, and you won’t catch him “poofing” his hair…he barely has any to poof!

  54. Brautigan said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:12

    In other words, Clinton can’t be President because shills like Peggy Noonan have made her the boogeyman.

    If true, it’s the only worthwhile thing Nooners has achieved in her life.

  55. The Heretik : Instant Conventional Wisdom said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:12

    [...] Noonan knows. Peggy Noonan speaks. Does Peggy Noonan hear voices: This is my 2008 slogan: Reasonable Person for [...]

  56. Chris Hops said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:21

    Moron – thy name is Peggy Noonan.

    I would love to know HOW morons like Noonan are elevated to a position to opine on political events in a newspaper as renowned as the WSJ. I’m not sure if this is an indictment of the media industry or proof that a decent portion of the U.S. populace carries the moron flag as well and likes to read this stuff…

  57. MzNicky said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:23

    the special quality Mr. Bush has of making a tough decision and then staying with it if he thinks it’s right and paying the price even when the price is high

    Yes. Even when those around him who know better, like those “big officer” “generals or colonels” who have “the medals and ribbons and the stature,” are telling him he’s fucked up, he’s got the balls to continue paying the high price of sending US’s working-class youth off to die in his vanity war. Great man. Big balls.

    GarryRuppertPupkin: You are correct, sir. I have no balls.

    Also: “I sort of have a theory”?! What, is Nooners 12 years old? Christ amighty.

  58. Arky - Fascitanata said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:35

    This is why we should elect a manly man like Rudy Giuliani, who may be a proto-fascist that makes George Bush look like that guy from Hogan’s Heroes. He’s not afraid to beat the dead horse of 9/11 like a vengeful necrophiliac, and you won’t catch him “poofing” his hair…he barely has any to poof!

    Unless he’s wearing his wig.

  59. LFC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:41

    How can you say he beat the dead horse of 9/11? Check out this video where Rudy tells us that he hasn’t brought up September 11 that much. His word should be good enough, right?

  60. billy pilgrim said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:47

    Clinton?

    More polarizing than Mr. 24 percenter Large Testicles Fake Cowboy?

    Not here in MY part of the heartland.

  61. Humid said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:48

    Noonan,

    Why don’t you suck those balls.

  62. sashal. said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:55

    that heartland guy. Isn’t that the same guy who pretend to be jewish and starts with shalom ?

  63. Doctorb Science said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:55

    If Bush’s testicles are so impressive, why did he have to stuff his flight suit?

  64. sashal. said,

    December 28, 2007 at 20:56

    this heartland guy. Does he reminds you of another one , with the same exact style and language but pretending to be Jewish ?
    I think he is a clown or spoofing like Colbert

  65. tristan said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:03

    Peg was one of those drunk girls who used to sing in the barrooms that “Hitler had only one ball” back in the sixties. You can count on her being preoccupied with what’s inside “there” when she see a big upright kind of guy at West Point.
    Her twitchy kind of catholic school girl sexuality is soo repressed and un-grown up and unreasonable that, yes, John Edwards, being better looking than her, would give her hives. And this is the kind of big thinker who wrote speeches for W’s poppy.

  66. Markg said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:12

    two failed invasions, two stolen elections, two moronic daughters, and probably two balls, but not having teabagged them like Peg I can’t be sure of the latter.

  67. wmdoor said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:16

    Once upon a time there was a hunk of a man named Ronald Reagan. And he had a torrid affair with America. And after the affair was over, we named the resultant wet spot on America’s mattress “Peggy”.

  68. Gus said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:19

    Hmm. Why do I get the feeling that when she says “the same could be said of Reagan”, she’s not being figurative and she knows first hand?

  69. Mark K said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:40

    Actually, I appreciate Peggy Noonan. She is a window into the mindset of a certain kind of Republican, the sort who thinks they are reasonable and pragmatic and yet are deeply suspicious of anyone who can’t articulate a one sentence answer to a serious political problem. Take her “house on fire” analogy. What if that intellectual fellow has noticed that the fire started because of a gas main leak and that all the houses on the block are in danger? Or that the building materials of the house are causing a toxic cloud that will kill the bystanders? There’s nothing wrong with being a man of action who leaps into the fray when it’s needed. But the world needs people who can see the big picture and who understand the complexities of the world. These are the farsighted folk who can truly keep us safe in the long term, by foreseeing danger, or even forestalling it. A simple man who can recognize danger only after it’s too late and is only intelligent enough to take the most obvious action is a poor choice to lead our nation. Peggy Noonan is nostalgic for a myth and that makes her both pathetic and pitiable. But she remains a valuable example of a certain genus of Republican and it is worthwhile to engage with her maunderings in order to better understand why such a worldview exists.

  70. PhysioProf said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:43

    “grit and grace”

    George fucking Bush exhibits “grit and grace”!?!?!? That has to be one of the most absurd things I have ever read in my entire life.

    Who the fuck is this Noonan imbecile, anyway? This is the first I’ve heard of her.

  71. tigrismus said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:48

    “grit and grace” sounds like breakfast in Georgia.

  72. gmoke said,

    December 28, 2007 at 21:57

    Now I know what Noonan’s attitude reminds me of – Butterfly McQueen as Prissy in “Gone With the Wind.”

    “I don’t nothing bout birthing no babies!!!” Hysterical in a crisis. A braggart afterwards.

    Noonan writes the way Friedman speaks, as if she were addressing kindergarteners. It’s a clear style, using simple words, and deliberately imprecise about the details. She doesn’t know if the officer at West Point was a colonel or a general and expects a Richard Scarry “big bad thing, a terrible day.” She claims to be an adult but she is writing on, at best, a first grade level.

    But then, it’s the Wall Street Journal where only money matters.

  73. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2007 at 22:10

    This heartland guy. Needs a transplant.

  74. Duros62 said,

    December 28, 2007 at 22:10

    …the special quality Mr. Bush has of making a tough decision and then staying with it if he thinks it’s right and paying the price even when the price is high…

    She is SO gonna flunk English for writing like that.

  75. Calming Influence said,

    December 28, 2007 at 22:54

    I don’t think two is nearly enough in this post 9/11 world. The bar should be set at four; three being acceptable only if accompanied by heavy steroid use.

  76. Jay B. said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:03

    Who the fuck is this Noonan imbecile, anyway? This is the first I’ve heard of her.

    You, sir, have lived a lovely and noble life.

    There are those of us, however, who go way back with Our Lady of Dolphins. The Reaganaought who wrote the old man’s senility into every waking sound bite. The woman, who just last week, wrote of Mike Huckabee’s Christian beliefs: “…it is not a philosophy that allows debate. Because it comes down to ‘This is what God wants.’ This is not an opener of discussion but a squelcher of it. It doesn’t expand the process, it frustrates it” — without even the slightest bit of care that her literal worship of the Catholic Church (see: John Paul the Great) is predicated on the notion that any pontiff wearing a funny hat and elected by his cronies is, by definition, infallible, which, of course, opens up worlds of possibilities for intra-Catholic debates in the sense that it doesn’t and it can’t.

    Still, as I said, consider your life infinitely richer than mine, seeing as I’ve been hearing Noonan or her babbling proxies blather on since the 1980s.

  77. Kotka said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:04

    “Here in the Heartland, we work hard for everything.”

    And work is a lot harder when you’re really stupid. I must check out these “immortal pursuits.”

  78. t4toby said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:19

    I know from immoral pursuits. And those most vocally against them tend to be the ones mucking about in them.

  79. feckless said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:25

    Is that what Reagan’s ‘cut n’ run’ from Lebanon was? Balls? His gutsy near failed invasion of Grenada?

    What price has Bush ever paid for his misjudgments?

    Draft the twins,

    I wonder how Peggy likes sucking on both of Rupert Murdochs? Or does she just go straight to tossing aussie salad?

  80. Arky - Fascitanata said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:33

    I know from immoral pursuits. And those most vocally against them tend to be the ones mucking about in them.

    Which is why it is vital that you not make eye contact in the john. Even if you think the President is standing next to you.

    ESPECIALLY if you think the President is standing next to you.

    Unless you have a fetish for stupid.

  81. feckless said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:41

    Well I heard that George Washington had “4 on the vine, 2 sets of testicles so divine.”

    Suck on that Peggy.

  82. LFC said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:43

    feckless said… Or does she just go straight to tossing aussie salad?

    Man, that gives a new meaning to the term “down under”.

  83. Gnu S. said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:44

    The battle for gay rights is an “immortal pursuit” ‘cuz it’s never gonna end at this rate. After all, Americans are great at exhuming and revivifying “controversies” which were decisively resolved decades or even centuries ago.

  84. Larkspur said,

    December 28, 2007 at 23:48

    Oh, Peggy Noonan! She is living proof that you cannot die of embarrassment. How can she not know how stupendously ridiculous she sounds? Day after day after week after year. Why, it seems like only yesterday….no, really it was in the Opinion page of the WSJ on June 28, 2006 that she revealed how, on Planet Noonan, Bush the Younger has a pair of pairs. Of course, it was during her discussion about how Hillary Clinton is less womanly than our most recent wartime presidents (see, Hillary isn’t capable of feeling anguish about sending young men and women to war):

    … LBJ felt anguish; there are pictures of him, head in hands, suffering. Bush the Elder wept as he talked, with Paula Zahn, about what it was to send men to war. Bush the Younger would breastfeed the military if he could….

    Awesome, no?

  85. t4toby said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:25

    AAAAAAAAAARGGHHHHH!!!

    I can’t get the image of a breastfeeding Bush out of my mind!

  86. El Cid said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:27

    Wow.

    The pope proceeded down the line, nodding and patting, and when he got to me I jerked into a kind of curtsy-bow and touched his right hand with my hands. Then I bent and covered his thick old knuckles with Chanel No. 23 Red Raspberry lipstick.

    I think it was his knuckles. Anyway, I know that I found what I thought was the knuckle when I bent down.

    I couldn’t help it. I think I said, “Papa.” He nodded.

    I have this thing for Papa, you see. Somehow, he knew.

    He was probably thinking, “Oh Lord, another lipstick leaver.”

    I know, I know — after all those years with “Uncle Ronnie” as I used to call him, as he carried me cradled in his arms, I a tiny little girl and he a giant slayer of dragons and the booming voice of everything I wanted to hear — you’d think I would have gotten practiced on the lipstick leaving. And I was better, but not this time, this time I was overtaken and forgot.

    And then he pressed into my hand a soft brown plastic envelope bearing an imprint of the papal seal. When I opened it later I saw light and inexpensive rosary beads, the crucifix of which carried an aluminum Christ on the cross, his broken body ungainly and without grace. It is this depiction of Christ that the pope carries at the top of his crozier, the long silver staff he uses when he walks into the world.

    I was so thankful it wasn’t just a few crumpled bills. This time he gave me something meaningful, not just something to pay the rent with, something I could cherish forever.

  87. Candy said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:27

    I can’t get the image of a breastfeeding Bush out of my mind!

    I’m with t4toby. That is simply freakin’ AWFUL. It’s going to take a lot of whiskey to wash that pain away.

  88. t4toby said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:33

    I don’t have any plans tonight. But you live in the Midwest, no?

  89. Candy said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:35

    Yes, although I used to live in the Seattle area. Ah, well, I’ll drink a couple in your honor. :)

  90. t4toby said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:35

    Papal porn? Gross, dude.

  91. Smiling Mortician said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:40

    Yeah, but it’s soft papal porn so it’s okay.

  92. Smiling Mortician said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:49

    Sorry but I need to focus on this hideous breastfeeding thing for just a moment longer. The very notion that Peggers had in mind, whatever it may have been, surely is creepy enough. But the way it’s written:

    Bush the Younger would breastfeed the military if he could….

    I dunno, maybe it’s the use of “the Younger,” but the visual that simply will. not. go. away. for me is of a suckling dubya going after a bunch of appalled men in uniform, lips first.

    I think I need to go yak.

  93. t4toby said,

    December 29, 2007 at 0:56

    Assuming I had any honor, Candy, assuming I had any honor…

  94. Lesley said,

    December 29, 2007 at 1:09

    A lot of us are Republicans, and we just hate tortured and tragic. […]

    On the other hand, torture, is something we can get behind. Torture and the balls of a simpleton done up in a khaki-camouflage codpiece displayed on a tarmac with Mission Accomplished behind them.

    Yeah, I bet that kept Peggy pre-occupied for years. The frustration! Almost like a remake of Splendor in the Grass but without any splendor or grass.

  95. Tom P said,

    December 29, 2007 at 1:33

    Noonan’s column reminds me eerily of the movie “The Distinquished Gentlemen” with Eddie Murphy. Murphy plays a con man who runs for election because he has the same last name (Johnson) as the previous congressman who recently passed away. He campaigns while never showing his face and his key slogan is “Vote for Johnson, A Name You Know.”

    “I think the people tended toward Mr. Bush because they saw him as a good American man, a man they know…”

    Creepy

  96. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    December 29, 2007 at 1:33

    Peggy’s right! George Bush does have two of ‘em!

    *************

    Military Service Eligible Children of George W. Bush

    Jenna Bush
    Barbara Bush

    ******************

    Jeb has three!

    Military Service Eligible Children of Jeb Bush
    George P. Bush
    Noelle Bush
    John Ellis Bush Jr.

    ***************
    Neil also has two:

    Military Service Eligible Children of Neil Bush
    Lauren Bush
    Pierce Bush

    *****************

    Marvin just has one:

    Military Service Eligible Children of Marvin Bush
    Marshall Bush

    *****************

    Sister Dorothy has three:

    Military Service Eligible Children of Dorothy Bush Koch

    Samuel LeBlond
    Ellie LeBlond

    *************

    With all these young patriotic Republicans to draw from, ain’t it funny how you can’t find body in Iraq with the name “Bush” sewn on their shirt?

  97. jnfr said,

    December 29, 2007 at 2:16

    I sort of have a theory

    It could be bunnies?

  98. Bfr said,

    December 29, 2007 at 3:35

    I sort of have a theory
    It could be bunnies?

    Thanks for the laugh, jnfr. It’s good to know there’re BtVS fans lurking everywhere.

  99. Arky - Fascistianata said,

    December 29, 2007 at 3:54

    He was probably thinking, “Oh Lord, another lipstick leaver.”

    This reminds me of a joke. (Really I just need to get the image of Bushwa suckling enlistees out of my brain. Peg, those guys have suffered enough without having to put their lips on wrinkled old man titties, you heartless bitch.)

    Anyways, this reminds me of a joke (come back here) that I was too young to get when I first heard it:

    After an all night Mountain Dew binge Johan LœdedHösen woke up to find two rings around his “penis.” One was red, the other was brown. He had his mom rush him to his doctor who took a look and said “There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that the red ring is lipstick.”

    “And the bad news?”

    “The brown ring is chewing tobacco.”

  100. Pug said,

    December 29, 2007 at 4:04

    John Edwards is not reasonable. . . . .[W]e can’t have a president who spent two minutes on YouTube staring in a mirror and poofing his hair. Really, we just can’t.

    Dear Peggy,

    First of all, this is a stupid and juvenlile remark. And you call yourself a “grown-up”?

    It also reminds me of that Reagan boy. Didn’t he do something to his hair, too? Or perhaps it was naturally still jet black when he was seventy-seven years old. Maybe.

    And Mitt? He must spend a fortune on hair cuts, manicures and facials. How the hell else does one look like a Ken doll well in to their 50′s?

    McCain, Rudy? Hopeless.

  101. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    December 29, 2007 at 6:23

    “He was probably thinking, “Oh Lord, another lipstick leaver.”

    That also reminds me of an old joke:

    When asked what he wore under his kilt, the Scotsman replied, “On a good day, lipstick.”

    BTW, I understand that our Pegeen also has two of ‘em. But they kinda feel like bags of sand.

  102. Mumphrey Bibblesnæð said,

    December 29, 2007 at 6:38

    This line leapt out at me:
    “A lot of us are Republicans, and we just hate tortured and tragic.”
    And do you know what? It says a lot to me about Republicans. No wonder they’d rather not help poor people; no wonder they seem like they’d rather all the poor people just shut the hell up and stop being pitiful and needing help sometimes to get ahead (or even just to keep from falling farther behind) in life: They resent poor people. Poor people’s lives are full of torture and tragedy. Republicans don’t want to hear about that crap; it’s a downer. Recall Mrs. Bush the Elder and her “beautiful mind”?
    Awful, nasty people, Republicans are.

  103. Ed Marshall said,

    December 29, 2007 at 7:03

    Which is why it is vital that you not make eye contact in the john. Even if you think the President is standing next to you.

    Today at work, I’m taking a leak in the urinal. I’m on the far left, some other guy is on the far right and the stall is taken. The gay guy wearing a bud light rainbow bud light cap walks in…sits there a second and just washes his hands and leaves. We are some wierd ass creatures.

  104. mikeiportc said,

    December 29, 2007 at 7:11

    Torture? – Reasonable
    ~Unlimited presidential power? Reasonable
    Endless war? Reasonable
    Casually flushing away 225+ years of law,precedent,& custom? Reasonable
    Destroying what took 225+ yrs to build? Reasonable
    Saying that the right of habeus corpus doesn’t exist , when the Constitution clearly says the exact opposite? Reasonable
    Trying to figure out the health care mess? Unreasonable

    What do I have to do to get my own Stepford pundit?

    ps :” … Here in the Heartland, …..”
    Ah! The ‘ol moral-superiority-through-geography line of bs. Thanks Gary . I was jonesin’ for a dose of that. It’s been awhile. (Hope you don’t actually believe it . You do? That’s as delusional as Peggy-the-Pundit;D)

  105. handy said,

    December 29, 2007 at 7:46

    mikeiportc,

    Just to clarify, when Gary says “Here in the Heartland,” he means the Heartland of Falls Church, VA…10 miles from Washington D.C.

    Go figure.

  106. gc_wall said,

    December 29, 2007 at 8:24

    One must excuse Nooner; after all, she cannot help that she is a twit. Nooner is easily impressed with “two of ‘em” because most of the male twits she socializes with only have “one of ‘em”. These “one only” twits are commonly known as warmongers.

    The erectile dysfunction they suffer is due to transference. This is a state when one twit believes that another twit shares the same delusion. This gives the twit a feeling of being in control. Lost in self-reverie the twit becomes excitable. The excitability heightens the twit’s awareness of just how much disrespect he has for others. He can only find freedom from his suffering if he can act out his hatred for others by hurting them. What better way to hurt them, then to kill their children, their families, their neighbors, oh hell, just many of them, and “let the good lord sort ‘em out”. Iraq.

    Few people know the pleasure that comes from murdering tens of thousands of people. The twits tell each other that the aftermath is sublime. Such is the life of twits. We must pity them because it must be a nightmare to live with such shame. Each day they put on a fake smile for the world, but in their heart of hearts, they would much prefer that other people go interact with themselves in a physically impossible manner.

  107. Flag Pin said,

    December 29, 2007 at 9:39

    You do it so we don’t have to.
    That’s why I tipped you for Xmas.

  108. g randy primm said,

    December 29, 2007 at 9:39

    Peg works for the Wall Street Journal?

    I didn’t realize that they had a comics section.

  109. Chris A said,

    December 29, 2007 at 10:10

    Oh, the irony. If anyone is tortured and tragic, it is you, Ms. Peggy No-Nothing Noonan. You speak like a naive adoring thirteen year old girl about some idealized version of patriarchal masculinity. You are one trippy puppy, Peg. You’ve got some serious psychological weirdness going on in there. But hey, sense the American media is still dominated by your intellectually mind-numbing Calvinist “common sense realism,” I guess it’s okay. Enjoy the ride while it lasts, Pegster. If we continue down our current path, it won’t last much longer.

  110. Hattie said,

    December 29, 2007 at 10:46

    She’s an easy lay, and that’s what counts.

  111. Martin Gifford said,

    December 29, 2007 at 11:55

    Don’t you get the joke?

    Peggy Noonan is a Democrat. And a Liberal one at that.

    She writes this drivel because she’s curious to see just how low she can go before even the Republicans say, “C’mon, that’s going too low.” She’s surprised to find the rusted-on Republicans just keep lappin it up.

    And it’s an easy job that keeps you laughing and it pays well. All you have to do is switch off your brain, imagine you are 5 years old, imagine the Republican leaders are daddy, and start typing whatever pops into your head.

  112. W. Kiernan said,

    December 29, 2007 at 16:16

    The way I read this, what this nasty woman is saying is that, from her anti-Democratic point of view, John Edwards is the candidate she hates and fears the most, or conversely from the Democrats’s point of view and in the Democrats’s best interest, John Edwards is the best of the major candidates.

    Hey I think so too! Of the big three he’s the one most likely to do something (e.g., jack the percentage rate on the stratospheric tax brackets) to reverse the massive shift of national wealth from the working class to the investing class. That’s why all the investing class guys who run all the news media hate him so.

  113. BurningFeet said,

    December 29, 2007 at 16:51

    Good old Nooner, redefining “Nutjob” the republitart way.

  114. Roy T. said,

    December 29, 2007 at 18:37

    John Edwards would make a great populist pres. But, who is Rielle Hunter?

  115. Ron said,

    December 29, 2007 at 20:57

    So, Edwards poofs (sic) his hair, and that makes him an unacceptable candidate. Does anyone else remember Ronnie Raygun and the clothespin(s) used to hold back the turkey neck?

  116. gc_wall said,

    December 29, 2007 at 21:00

    flag pin,

    what part of “physically impossible” do you not understand?

    the penny that fell out of your pocket was not a tip; it was a cry for help.

  117. gc_wall said,

    December 29, 2007 at 21:52

    Rielle Hunter filmed a campaign documentary of a portion of John Edwards campaign for president. Anything more about her is typical swift-boating. Edwards should be the next president, if for no other reason than the republicans are terrified of him. That fact is a solid endorsement for Edwards.

    If the accusation is true it is all the more reason to vote forhim, because it proves that he is sexually normal; unlike the frustrated and perverse members of the current administration who use murder as a surrogate for sex.

  118. gc_wall said,

    December 29, 2007 at 22:45

    Piggy Nooner always confuses mean and petty with strong and compassionate. It’s a neurotic hiccup.

  119. Paddy Mac said,

    December 29, 2007 at 23:07

    Peggy Noonan, Mark Noonan, Megan McArdle — were the English right about us all along?

    TIme for more whiskey…

  120. Smiling Mortician said,

    December 29, 2007 at 23:10

    Probably too late now, but gc_wall — I don’t think flag pin was responding to your comment. I think s/he was giving Brad props for dealing with Noonan and explaining that s/he threw a few bones SN’s way via the tip jar for xmas . . .

  121. Westmiller said,

    December 29, 2007 at 23:44

    Noonan: Maureen Dowd without a single thong.

  122. Rear Admiral Hugh G. Rection said,

    December 30, 2007 at 7:56

    I always wondered why Nooner had those two bruises on her chin.

    “He’s Got Two of ‘Em”

    Now we know.

  123. Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct « The Long Goodbye said,

    December 30, 2007 at 9:20

    [...] America needs a good leader and despite that she thinks Bush is a good president because he has two of ‘em. Which makes me wonder if Peggy and Chris Matthews were separated at birth, – “We’re proud of [...]

  124. Smut Clyde said,

    December 30, 2007 at 13:52

    Bush the Younger would breastfeed the military if he could
    Ah, but would he increase their pay?

  125. actor212 said,

    December 30, 2007 at 16:15

    Peg works for the Wall Street Journal?

    I didn’t realize that they had a comics section.

    Clearly, you’ve never read an editorial.

  126. John Potter said,

    December 30, 2007 at 22:53

    I’d like to know a bit more about Gen. Wastemoreland, up there at the Point. Ok, so the President has “two of ‘em”, eh? So why aren’t we winning their hearts and minds, sir? But what do you care? You have a nice retirement package waiting for you, including a lobbying job with General Dynamics. “Acourse, ah don’ have no truck with them gay-married librls who are always attackin’ the Pres’dent. Ah respec’ any man can pernounce “nukuler” correct-like.”

  127. benjaminblue said,

    December 31, 2007 at 4:15

    If he’s got two big ones, I guess that means he’s also got a wide stance.

  128. montag said,

    December 31, 2007 at 10:56

    Ms. Noonan has two big….earrings! You can see them quite plainly in the live cable TV photo.
    She seems to have appeared on Hannity and Colmes. If we can find out how much time she spent off-camera poofing her hair and getting the make-up right, we would know whether to take her seriously.

  129. Pete Schweddy said,

    December 31, 2007 at 19:30

    Do whatever you want to, ladies. My Balls are here for your pleasure.

  130. rp said,

    December 31, 2007 at 19:48

    Thanks to Worst.President.Ever for the list of Bush family children eligible for the military, but I didn’t realize so many of them have spawned in our midst. KInda scary.

  131. Northern Observer said,

    January 3, 2008 at 20:03

    America is so fucked up it’s not even funny, it’s pitiful.
    America is the land of sophistry.
    Peggy Nooner isn’t fit to lick the bottom of Edward’s shoe.

  132. William K. Wolfrum » Blog Archive » Some people are saying we need better political pundits said,

    March 24, 2008 at 8:36

    [...] there are some people saying that Peggy Noonan is a very serious [...]

  133. John1700 said,

    June 10, 2009 at 15:44

    Very nice site!

  134. Peggy Noonan is a serious “grown-up” said,

    December 22, 2010 at 9:15

    [...] “Where’s Sally?” column excerpted above was her most cringe-inducing, but Brad at Sadly, No digs up a Noonan column celebrating Bush’s re-election that proves how wrong I was. Posted [...]

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