30
Reindeer Games
mistaken for Fred Flintstone
Christmas has come and gone, but not without R. Emmett “Bob” Tyrrell reporting on this year’s winners and losers in the War on Christmas. As you might imagine, Bob sees the latest annual skirmish as one where the Christians only barely survived extermination by the grinchy liberals who ran even more amok than usual, burning Nativity scenes, lynching Christmas carolers, poisoning fruitcakes, pissing on snowmen and shooting flying reindeer out of the sky.
I have followed these disputes assiduously and watched an ever-wider array of Christmas decorations become malum prohibitum. At first, it was the Nativity scene …. Other traditional Christmas decorations are on the way out, too, though their religious content is often nil. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer has been the subject of disputes, and Santa Claus, too.
This, of course, is a smelly pile of reindeer hooey. The only dispute I know of involving Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is whether there is another reindeer named Olive or not.
Apparently Bob has the idea that Rudolph is under attack not because of any actual evidence of that but merely because he didn’t happen to see any reindeer decorations in Chicago this year:
I was in Chicago a week or two before Christmas and found that these time-honored Christmas symbols have been replaced by tin soldiers, Raggedy Ann dolls and mysterious conical trees covered with colored lights [I believe they call these Christmas trees, Bob -- ed. note]. In three days, I saw not one Rudolph and only an occasional Santa. … Ever the provocateur, I feigned mild indignation over a squad of tin soldiers deployed in the lobby of a posh hotel. The concierge deferred to me immediately, tremulous with alarm. I suspect he feared that I might be a member of America’s powerful anti-war movement, ready to charge him with militarizing “the holidays.”
Er, no, Bob, the concierge understandably thought you were a crazy person when you started shouting about tin soldiers and reindeer in the lobby of an expensive hotel. Sane people have conversations with the concierge about the best place to dine, which is the concierge’s job, and not about the hotel’s Christmas motif, which isn’t.
Bob’s little essay on how the liberals stole Christmas, however, is just a little amuse-gueule before the main course, which is Bob’s discussion of why liberals are unprincipled monsters:
The liberal activist aspires to be an agent of “progress.” In fact, the liberal activist, whether male or female, often calls himself a progressive. Yet through the years, you will spot no coherent system of political values motivating liberal reforms.
But lacking an editor, a memory, a conscience, and enough sense to take a bath without drowning, Bob immediately contradicts himself:
There is, however, one political value that can be discerned motivating every one of their legendary reforms, from the ambitious (world peace) to the trivial (the criminalization of trans fats). That value is to disturb one’s neighbor, to disturb the peace. In all civilized criminal codes, such behavior constitutes a misdemeanor. Yet it is at the heart of the liberal project. Disturbing the peace is, I believe, at the heart of rendering Christmas controversial.
That’s right. Liberals want world peace in order to disturb the peace of people like Tyrrell and other neocons who want to be able to make war on other countries in peace. And if our criminal code were civilized, liberals would be thrown in jail for disturbing the peace of those neocons and trying to interfere with their plans to invade other countries. And since we can’t actually achieve our goal of disturbing the peace of the neocons, we’ve decided to annoy our neighbors by attacking Christmas instead.
Does anyone else think that this column was ghost-written for Bob by Michael Medved?
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:37
In fact, the liberal activist, whether male or female, often calls himself a progressive.
There’s a pathology here that I’m ill-equipped to diagnose.
a different brad said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:47
By this logic, any attempt to change anything is disturbing the peace. Reagan was disturbing the peace when he agitated against welfare programs. Bush is disturbing the peace any time he says the words “social security”. Trying to undo Roe v. Wade is disturbing the peace.
Disturbing the peace is fascist, dontyahknow.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:52
There was a time not so long ago in which Tom Tomorrow could depict conservatives as complaining that any restriction of their ability to smoke cigarettes was exactly the same as Nazi Germany, and it was supposed to be a political cartoon which exaggerated right wing idiocy.
It is too bad that such a fine comic is no longer a satirical commentary, but a documentarian’s tool.
Senator Ted said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:52
In theory Tyrell and his ilk are in a snit because nebulous “liberals” are trying to take the Christ out of Christmas. But here’s the thing, I’ve read the bible (several different versions actually), and I’ve been to church a time or two, hell I even watched “It’s a Charlie Brown Christmas” every year, and no where in any of them, do I find references to Santa, or Reindeer, or (with the exception of Charlie Brown) even pretty trees.
Just once I’d like these pinheads to admit it - This has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus, or even Christianity - It has to do with them wanting to play the victim. To show how “The Man” is just trying to keep them down. All this “culture of personal responsibility” is crap, they want to be able to cry, and whine, and show just how mistreated they are.
Hey Bobbo - You really want to celebrate Christmas? How about following the example of the Guy that it’s named for? How about caring for your fell man? What about going down to an outreach clinic and donating some time? Or maybe go to a food bank and help give too little food to too many people? Thats how you could celebrate Christmas and Christ, because, and I’m just guessing here, I’m willing to bet that the Big Guy doesn’t give a shit about whether their are Santas in your favorite hotel.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:53
Disturb the peace? You mean, like someone who, fancying himself “ever the provocateur,” might “feign mild indignation over a squad of tin soldiers deployed in the lobby of a posh hotel”?
Compulsive Copy Editor said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:54
Eww. I can’t think of any neocons whose pieces I want to disturb.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:56
“In fact, the liberal activist, whether male or female, often calls herself a progressive.”
There. Fixed Mr. Tyrell’s gender-specificity confusion.
Senator Ted said,
December 30, 2007 at 0:57
“Fellow” man not “Fell” man. D’oh! Another good rant spoiled…
Mister DNA said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:00
I dunno about that. There’s nothing about Bigfoot in the article, is there?
tigrismus said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:02
the criminalization of trans fats
Is Mayor Bloomberg a progressive liberal activist?
tigrismus said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:04
Objectively, I mean, not in comparison to Mr. “more human than human” Tyrell.
raff said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:06
Surely Tyrell is attempting a feeble joke with his Tin Soldiers remark. Surely he realizes the hotel was employing a Nutcracker Suite motif & that no liberal (or otherwise sane person) would interpret the Tin Soldiers as symbology for war-mongering.
Of course the usual rank hypocrisy is on display as well. Tyrell claims the left’s method of choice for advancing their agenda is “disturbing the peace”. This just shortly after admitting he pretended to be an anti-war liberal in order to stir up some trouble because he’s “ever the provocateur”. Sorry to break it to you “Bob”, but ‘provocateur’ is just a fancy way of saying douchebag shit-disturber.
Way to self-fulfill “Bob”… by pretending to be a shit-disturbing, anti-war liberal, you perpetuate the myth that liberals are anti-war shit-disturbers. Well challenged sir… well challenged.
MrWonderful said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:09
“ever the provocateur”
–which, if my high school French doesn’t fail me (although I took Spanish), means “as always, a self-regarding, pompous nitwit who has, from the beginning, confused archness with wit, tedium with depth, and a self-parodic fussbudget-y style with being ‘literary.’”
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:13
The Truth is, that liberals are out to destroy Christmas every other symbol of Christianity in this Country. Nothing in the world pisses me off more than a store clerk or a television commercial saying happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas!!!
I just want to punch out the idiot store clerk or throw the remote ate the tv whenever I hear the blasphemey of happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas.
And another thing, those idiot television commericals change the words to Christmas songs around. Remeber the song “We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”, but now the retarded politically correct tv ads changed it to “We wish you a happy holiday”!!!
That just fucking pisses me the fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to find whoever is responsible for such blasphemy and put a bullet in his fucking skull!
raff said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:15
MrWonderful — while your definition of provocateur is as eloquent as it is elegant, for pure economy of words I’ll stick with my “douchebag shit-disturber”… at least as it applies to Tyrell.
Blue Buddha said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:20
In fact, the human, whether male or female, often calls himself a person.
Woe-weee! Stop the motherfucking presses!
Arky - Fascistianata said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:22
Shorter Ty-rell: In my day Jesus, Mary and Joseph went door to door handing out presents!
Is there anything these delusional nutsacks won’t whine about? And what the fuck do they intend to do besides whine? I hope it involves a letter drive to every Congresscritter demanding a certain ratio of Rudolphs, Frosties and Santas on every street in the US of A.
Urk! This sounds like the opening sentence of a B & D scene. Do. Not. Want.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:25
And another thing, liberals are a bunch of food nazis for wanting to ban transfats. That just pisses me off!!!
If I want to eat trans-fats, carbs or anything else I should be allowed to.
It pisses me off that resturants are bowing to the pressure of liberal fascists and banning trans-fats from their menus. They should let their customers choose whether or not they want trans-fats, everything else is just big nanny state totalitarianism!
And another thing, Michael Bloomberg is a fucking idiot, I thank God I live in Texas instead of NYC, in Texas we are allowed to eat whatever we damn well please.
Fozzetti said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:26
As Christianity, a very inclusive religion, opens its arms to embrace others of different faiths, some of the religious symbolism is altered, or put aside. But the underlying message “Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward ALL” is the same. Or should be. (PS: I just took 10mg of Vicodin)
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:26
I like the can’t-lose flowchart system of wingargument.
1. Is there a Christmas tree? If yes: I’m being oppressed! There’s no baby jeebus!! If no: I’m being oppressed! There’s no treeriffic symbol of the reason for the season!
2. Is there a Santa? If yes: There’s no tree! If no: But Santa demonstrates the reason for the season!
3. Is there a Rudolph? If yes: Where are the elves, dammit? If no: Nothing shows the reason for the season more than Rudolph!
etc.
a different brad said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:33
Heh. AudiR10 comments
Oh, dear.
a different brad said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:34
And what the hell is “Game of the States”? Football, baseball, oppressing women and minorities?
Lesley said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:37
*shakes head in disbelief*
If hunting high and low for an advertising gimmick is all Bob Tyrell worries about he should be counting his lucky stars.
I hate to ruin his illusions about Christmas rituals but here’s some dirt on Christmas trees .
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:41
And another thing, what is it with this public desplay for ramadan but not for Christmas?
America is a Christian Nation not a muslim nation.
The muslims should practice their religion in private while we Christians should be embracing our Religion in the Public Square.
Robert Green said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:41
there is no busy-ness more bodied than motherfuckers that want to tell me how to live based on their stupid religion. none. that is the ultimate–body by jake, ness by loch, busy by the bees.
it makes me feel like…like…like….
http://anothergreenworld.blogspot.com/2007/12/im-not-going-to-lie-to-you.html
that.
LFC said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:44
I would like to find whoever is responsible for such blasphemy and put a bullet in his fucking skull!
Sounds like a typical right-wing Christian expressing their joyousness for the holidays. “Praise Jesus! Shoot a heretic!”
Arky - Fascistianata said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:44
I assume this person is talking about the fRightWankers who want to slap my boyfriend out of my informed adult hands and replace him with a wife and 2.5 kids.* Or maybe the ones who go into a Gale Force 8 Conniption when at the thought of an informed adult lighting up a joint. Could be a reference to the dipshits who pop out of a crack in the sidewalk and try to talk to me about accepting Jesus as my personal savior if I don’t want to spend eternity in Satan’s convection oven. Perhaps s/he is even referring to the evil twats who want to get rid of that dirty old Constitution so we don’t get paper cuts from islamofascists.
If the writer is not referring to that group of mommies, s/he/it can fuck off and die.
*Not meant as an insult to women or children. Especially the poor little .5 tyke.
David Robinson said,
December 30, 2007 at 1:46
What year were businesses and window-dressers and Christmas decoration designers supposed to have stopped updating Christmas decorations?
Jennifer said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:03
There is, however, one political value that can be discerned motivating every one of their legendary reforms, from the ambitious (world peace) to the trivial (the criminalization of trans fats). That value is to disturb one’s neighbor, to disturb the peace. In all civilized criminal codes, such behavior constitutes a misdemeanor. Yet it is at the heart of the liberal project.
Pantload should have consulted this dood before wasting all that time scribbling his opus. Here in one concise sentence is the definition of liberal fascism: That value is to disturb one’s neighbor, to disturb the peace. Liberal fascism = “saying or thinking stuff I don’t like.”
Torture is a fraternity prank. Corporate control of government is efficiency. Spying on citizens is national security.
See, it all makes sense.
Lesley said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:04
I would like to find whoever is responsible for such blasphemy and put a bullet in his fucking skull!
Sounds like a typical right-wing Christian expressing their joyousness for the holidays. “Praise Jesus! Shoot a heretic!”
Here’s another one:
I am glad that the people are finally fighting back in the war on Christmas. Let’s not wait until 11/08. Attack today!
Robert Green said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:04
from the buffalo beast most loathsome list. awesome.
raff said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:05
Bastion Booger — I’m kinda new here, so I’m not sure if your rants are supposed to be sincere or parody, but do you wanna know what pisses me off? It’s somebody suggesting that I can’t possibly be a ‘good person’ if I don’t believe in a particular god… that I can’t possibly determine right from wrong without guidance from a supreme cloud-being or the words of a 2000 year old fairy-story… that I should be treated as an immoral degenerate just because I’m not a member of your club. This is made all the more intolerable when pious gasbags get exposed for the rank hypocrites they are for secretly engaging in the exact “deviant” behaviour they continually rant against… bloody hell, the Catholic church is rife with pedophiles, for god’s sake.
I you want to ‘put a bullett’ in someone’s brain, I suggest you save it for whomever, tacitly or implicitly, greenlighted a policy of turning a blind eye to rampant child-rape with in the Catholic church’s ranks.
Robert Green said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:05
and thirdly:
i think we should start a trend where the war on christmas begins on…
9/11.
three hard months of trench warfare. maybe we could begin by dumping all our trans-fats into boston harbor or something.
Blue Buddha said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:09
Y’know, the other day I was thinking about dumping petroleum products into Boston Harbor to protest the high price of gasoline… but something tells me that won’t go over well with a lot of people.
Lesly said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:22
Lalala:
The kid was eventually invited after the teacher was educated about Christmas being a secular holiday.
noen said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:25
Short Bob:
“You liberals get off my lawn! You’re disturbing my peace.”
RandomObserver said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:26
Looks like the cult of victimhood has claimed another member.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:28
When the War on Christmas started, most of us were young. Young in spirit, if not in body. God we were stupid. We thought the world would last forever. That every day you could walk out of your house and look at the sky in hope, not in terror.
And then they brought it, brought it down on our heads like a thundercloud burst all at once into flaming tires raining at us from every direction. The first shots took out most of us. Those of us lucky enough to have lived for one moment more realized in that first dazed glance that we did this, we did this to ourselves, we let it in like a bunch of drunken house guests, first with the “Happy Holidays” and later with the “Season’s Greetings” and “Festive Celebrations”.
Even so, they’re not gonna win. Sure they took out most of us, but the ones of us left got enough grit and enough anger that we are going to take back every single creche and each carol and every evening service around the country.
If the day comes where all that’s left is to shove a crucifix down the last secularist’s burning throat, well, I’m just saying, I wanna be there.
mikey said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:29
As someone who has been arrested for disturbing the peace on many occasions, I’d like to say that I am offended by this Tyrell fellah’s broad and unfair characterization of said offense. Typically it goes together with “D&D” (Drunk and Disorderly) or “PI” (Public Intoxication) and is used to either enhance the fine/punishment of the offender or to manage that actual disbursement of the funds gained from the fine to the more local entities, ie the muni rather than the county or the state.
Usually the liberal fascist judge drops the multiple charges and convicts on a single charge.
Time served.
See ya next time…
mikey
mikey said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:30
Y’know, the other day I was thinking about dumping petroleum products into Boston Harbor to protest the high price of gasoline… but something tells me that won’t go over well with a lot of people.
Some folks did it in SF bay a couple weeks ago. It turns out to be a very bad idea, and a nasty mess at that…
mikey
Nimrod Gently said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:35
One tin soldier rides away.
Roket said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:36
I have assiduously read this post and have determined that R. Emmett “Bob” Tyrrell Esquire is making much ado about nothing, zilch, zip, nadda… I have also determined that if “Bob” wants to claim that there are no Rudolph’s in the entire city of Chicago, then he is in fact a farging liar.
(Filed under pissant)
anangryoldbroad said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:38
Someone get what’s-his-asses address and we’ll ship all the transfats to his house. A lifetime supply. Would that make him STFU about it? I’d personally shop for lard,lard and more lard if that would ease his soul’s suffering. I’ll throw in all the white flour as a bonus too.
Where,seriously,WHERE in the hell was Christmas banned in the US this year? As far as I could tell,no one cut back on the decor,the mall crowds or the general “get the fuck outta my way,I want that sweater”-ness of the holiday(short for Holy Day for those dipshits too stupid to figure it out)season. I see no difference in this year than the 47 other Christmases I’ve lived through except the gifts have become more technologically advanced for the most part and people spend more.
I’m a filthy hippie heathen living in the ‘burbs and even I celebrate Christmas. Why? Because I like giving presents. I like big family dinners and my husband being home from travelling for his job. I like seeing my son be thrilled with his gifts and calls from my grandbabies who couldn’t be here because they live so far away.
Who ARE these people and WTF happened to them to make them so fucking nasty and mean? Christ,I wish I had the TIME to go looking for shit to be pissed off about. I’m kinda busy living a life and raising a family.
luneylegume said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:46
Have yourself a nervous little breakdown
let your madness be light
until gravity corrects you
may your triviality’s be out of sight
Oh have yourself a merry little breakdown
may the right side tide keep gay
from now on reason will be miles away
Here we see you in your assuming ways
happy in changing gold for love
faithful gelt a friend so dear to yours
rather brawny consistency than warm love
Through the years
hung with contradictory trials
as if fates caving callowly
hang easy with reason
instead of insanity
Have yourself
A merry little breakdown , now
Nimrod Gently said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:46
“Yet through the years, you will spot no coherent system of political values motivating liberal reforms.”
Is it possible that this is because you lump everyone to the left of Dennis Hastert in the same category, as if everyone who isn’t a lifetime member of the GOP shares precisely the same ideology? The with us/against us thing?
noen said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:53
anangryoldbroad — You are looking for sense where there is none. These are the 23 percenters who still support Bush. Youare also mistaken if you think that their complaints are based on real life injustice, or even on real misperceptions of injustice. That isn’t how they wrok. They start with their sense of victimhood “I have been wronged! Argggg!” Then they go out and search for ways they can validate that feeling. If they can’t find any, which is most of the time, they just make shit up.
“Who ARE these people and WTF happened to them to make them so fucking nasty and mean?”
Remember how in years past there used to be at least one old curmudgeon on every block? Well now he has a PC and the internet.
Jim said,
December 30, 2007 at 2:56
Is he sure that the absence of Rudolphs isn’t due to angry conservatives bitching about non-religious Christmas displays?
Jim said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:00
Also, dear troll:
When “one commenter” starts every comment with “the fact is …”; “another” commenter starts many or most comments with “the bottom line is …” and yet a “third” commenter starts many comments with “The Truth is …” - well, I understand that you have to figure out some way to keep your multiple identities straight, but that’s a little too formulaic. Maybe you need to come up with a wall chart of suggested insults or somethign.
Jennifer said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:00
From one of the deep thinkers over at ClownHall:
T.C. writes: Thursday, December, 27, 2007 7:44 AM
Yearly Battle For Christmas.
All over now, but come November 2008 the process will begin again. Bet on it!
Like the Christmas Holiday itself, the battle is now a tradititon.
Uh…the only thing that’s starting to become a “tradition” is the predictable annual whining that Christmas is under attack, as the institution itself becomes more unavoidable for longer and longer periods of time each year. Which is to say, the imaginary “War on Christmas”, if it did exist, is proving to be every bit as effective as the “War on Drugs” and the “War on Terra”. With only another 25 years of pissing and moaning, the stores will start putting up the displays and playing the music at the end of August.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:03
I personally am readying myself for next year’s re-enactment of the 100 Santa brigade charging Golgotha hill. Should be one of the best ever.
mikey said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:15
Santa, in ripped red reindeer parka, sleeves torn off, biceps bulging and cigarette dangling from his sneering lips, CAR60 spitting 7.62NATO in SuperSexySloMo, ejecting brass cases while links disintegrate, his haunted eyes, permanantly fixed in a thousand yard stare search for targets and the 150 round belt is consumed in the purifying fire….
War on Christmas.
Shiiiiit…..
mikey
Arky - Fascistianata said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:39
Thank Mikey. Nothing cleans a monitor like a mouth-full of SoCo and cranberry juice.
Whattamess.
Anne Laurie said,
December 30, 2007 at 3:56
Who ARE these people and WTF happened to them to make them so fucking nasty and mean?
Voting Republican causes premature aging. Your skin develops an unhealthy sheen, your face puckers unpleasantly, your hair thins, your mammaries sag & your genitals wither. All these changes make you cranky & whiny & very unpleasant to be around.
At least, that’s the rumor I’m going to start on FaceBook. And there’s not a single Repub “spokesperson” whose appearance contradicts me!
FlipYrWhig said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:04
Yes, Wal-Mart is pretty much the liberal’s natural habitat.
Dagoril said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:19
As we come to the close of another year in the Bush Disaster, there is hope. Our progressive movement has become more spectacularly cohesive than I would have imagined it would be by 2012, even by 2016. But Comrade Kos has shown us the way. Indeed, our successes have begun to alarm the entrenched power elites, to the point that idiots like this guy and like Our Doughy Pantload Hisself are spewing out diatribes with wild abandon, attacking Progressives and Progressivism with whatever weapons are at hand. (Fortunately, the only weapons at hand seem to be their puny, ineffectual brains). Why even Bill Kristol (far right nutjob) has made peace with the New York Times (center-right greedy entitled whores), so that they can do battle against us more efficiently together.
What shall our next steps be? Should we outlaw Christianity altogether? Clamor for minarets on every streetcorner? Burn all women’s clothes and force them go about nude? How about Borg-style collectives? (Oh wait, the Goopers have that already, nevermind).
And while I don’t have the time or the educational background to explain why there are no reindeer in Chicago this year, I suspect it is a secular-progressive plot to keep the likes of “Bob”Tyrrell, Todd Seavey, Michelle Malkin, and Doughy Pantload from molesting the noble beasts again this year. I can point to no source for such a rumour, but let’s just say that “it’s out there”.
Happy Holidays, fellow revolutionaries! God loves you as he loved Jacob.
Jennifer said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:21
Voting Republican causes premature aging. Your skin develops an unhealthy sheen, your face puckers unpleasantly, your hair thins, your mammaries sag & your genitals wither. All these changes make you cranky & whiny & very unpleasant to be around.
So that explains it. Why at almost 45 I’m still regularly guessed by people who don’t know better to be almost 30. Either that, or the extra pounds are filling out the wrinkles that would be there otherwise.
billy pilgrim said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:29
I think mikey’s onto something. After all, the old time christians, seeing their nascent religious movement stalling out against tradition, appropriated all the mid-winter trappings of the pagan rituals to help the appeal of their beliefs.
It’s only sensible that old man Kringle, now known as Santa, might want to disassociate himself from this modern pack of slavering xenophobes and whiny-ass-titty-religionists.
It’s not a belief system, but we might be able to work out a development deal with Spielberg:
“Santa’s back, and IS HE PISSED!!” Don’t worry about coal- This Angry Old Elf might just leave a FULL CAN OF WHOOP-ASS IN YOUR STOCKING!!!”
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:36
I hope it involves a letter drive to every Congresscritter demanding a certain ratio of Rudolphs, Frosties and Santas on every street in the US of A.
Fascist.
If I want to eat trans-fats, carbs or anything else I should be allowed to.
Booger Boy: I agree. Please, proceed to eat many many trans-fats. Many. Now!
Simba B said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:40
Wasn’t there a Simpsons episode that had a TV commercial like this? The one where Bart gets caught shoplifting…Bonestorm, the video game…wasn’t it?
kth said,
December 30, 2007 at 4:59
He may look like Fred Flintstone, but if you’ve ever heard him on TV or radio, he sounds more like Barney Rubble.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:02
Tin soldiers and Tyrell’s whining
Haranguing the concierge
For Jesus he says he’s pining
It’s only a rightwing urge
Gotta get down to it
Wingnuts have got to get tossed
Should have been done long ago
Everyone knows that they’re
Just a big albatross
Wish they’d all just go blow.
Gundamhead said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:09
As to that AudiR10 comment: someone’s bitter!
“The liberal activist aspires to be an agent of “progress.” In fact, the liberal activist, whether male or female, often calls himself a progressive.”
What’s up with that “whether male or female” thing? Also, if female they wouldn’t really be a “himself” would they? Is this some weird slam on the supposed androgyny of progressives? Christ, this guy fucking stupid! Where the hell do they get these people?
Gundamhead said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:10
“Wasn’t there a Simpsons episode that had a TV commercial like this? The one where Bart gets caught shoplifting…Bonestorm, the video game…wasn’t it?”
Buy me Bonestorm or GO TO HELL!!!
Spartakus said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:15
I believe that the hotel concierge episode was ghost-written by James Lileks.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:15
Gundamhead: He should have recast the sentence. He got himself into trouble by delineating “male” and “female” at the beginning. A better writer would have said something like “Liberal activists often call themselves progressives.” But he’s a dumbass, and a douchebag. No gender aspersion intended whatsoever.
Lesley said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:20
I’m betting ol’ Bob Tyrell didn’t even have Rudolph on his lawn or roof this year.
J— said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:20
You all can mock, but the Lower Hudson Valley front is slipping out of control as we speak.
Somebody get a GPS in that foot-long Baby Jesus now! Or as soon as they find it.
mikey said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:30
Why shy away from the obvious, christianists? You KNOW what you have to do.
Yep.
Strap a righteous suicide vest onto the baby jesus.
When these infidel motherfuckers fuck around with the christ child, squeeze the detonator and spray them all over the nativity! What the fuck are you idiots waiting for. Your book tells you what to do, so light it up and lets get this party started…
mikey
John O said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:45
The fact is, I need a Bill Kristol post/evisceration.
mikey, you are a gem.
Jennifer, lets have drinks.
Bill Kristol, go drink some blood. You’re getting (even more) pale. Time for some lifeblood, literally, for you. Or go play some sort of war game and beat off.
Emmett, try not to be such a public retard. Jesus, I LIVE in/near Chicago.
Ed Marshall said,
December 30, 2007 at 5:58
Bill Kristol, go drink some blood. You’re getting (even more) pale. Time for some lifeblood, literally, for you. Or go play some sort of war game and beat off.
I don’t think that’s what you meant, but be real careful about throwing around Jews drinking blood.
bronco214 said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:05
Tried to read the whole article- yuck!
“…the once-unexceptional Nativity scene has become X-rated.”
Anyone have any idea what that means? Are Mary and Joseph now shown as trying to make a baby of their own or what?
This moron is getting paid for writing this mish-mash of various types of shit? What a shame.
D. Sidhe said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:07
Taking bets on how likely the posh hotel is to abandon the tin soldier decorations next year in the hopes of not offending someone like Bob again. Side bets accepted on how many words it will take Bob to express his disgust with the liberal fascists who are responsible for the lack of tin solider decorations in said hotel.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:08
John 3:16 v2
For God so loved the world he knocked up Joseph’s girlfriend.
billy pilgrim said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:13
If we’re looking for a Kristol evisceration, just send mikey’s Santa friend….
billy pilgrim said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:16
For God so loved the world he knocked up Joseph’s girlfriend.
makes you wonder if maybe the translation is slightly inaccurate on that one.
“For The Lord screwed everyone, and Joseph’s girl got preggers…”
John O said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:17
Christ, not only do I not care about Kristol’s religion or cultural identity, I forgot about it.
I guess I’m stuck in that ol’ fashioned, “American” paradigm.
Seriously no offense meant, Ed. For someone who thinks the “personal” is a way underrated factor in all of life, that was a mistake on my part.
However, AIPAC can also go fuck themselves.
Foreign policy made easy: For every one of our innocents, or those of our allies, we will kill 100 of yours. That way we’ll know when to stop, which we sadly forgot over the last 7 years.
We’ll use our best estimates.
dBa said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:30
I have a hard time taking people seriously who think that Christmas begins when Walmart puts up their decorations.
Someone tell these idiots Christmas isn’t about decorations - you’d think they’d know that, being all Christian and shit.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:33
One theory has it that Jesus learned everything he knew from traveling in Asia during his “lost years,” where he learned about Buddhism. Too bad he fucked the message and got killed for his efforts and all.
Ed Marshall said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:52
Seriously no offense meant, Ed. For someone who thinks the “personal” is a way underrated factor in all of life, that was a mistake on my part.
None taken, that was just a heads up.
Years ago, I was being given an earnest version of the Israeli international lawyers version of what UN SCR 242 meant. If you have never seen this it involves pointing out where certain commas are and using some incredible black-is-whiteism based on parsing the english translation in a certain way to make the thing become an endorsement of Israeli annexation of the West Bank and Gaza.
I described this argument as “talmudic”, and to this day I don’t there is any other english synonym that could define what was wrong with the idea. I got a shitstorm out of that. Bill Kristol as a vampire is a pretty apt metaphor but you get the right people to make an indignation rally out of it and it doesn’t matter if it’s apt or not, they will make you want to crawl under the covers.
PhysioProf said,
December 30, 2007 at 6:58
“malum prohibitum”
Hey, that’s fucking Latin, right? This dude must be tres (that’s fucking French) smart.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:04
The reason liberals and the pc crowd say happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas is because they hate God, they hate His Son our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and they hate Christianity. That is why “happy holidays” offends God-fearing men such as myself and many other Christians because the only reason lieberals say it is because they want to remove every vestige of Christianity from American Society. May those who oppose God and His Christ burn in hell.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:09
Gundam–isn’t that also when Milhouse became “Thrillhouse”, or different episode? I just love that, Thrillhouse.
Bad news, Bush is vetoing yet ANOTHER pay raise for the troops, thus bolstering my argument in my crappily made speed-production video. What the fuck do people have to do in order to not get screwed over by this President?
More bad news, Pamela has about 2000 more views on her titty video about the troops than mine does. I guess the experiment will prove after all that she was wrong and indeed did get all of the views just because she’s her and not because of the bikini! How’s THAT for using the scientific method? OTOH, that would prove her original theory to be false.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:12
“malum prohibitum”
If I chew on a coupla Tums, that shit gets cleared right up.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:12
The fact is, God did not ‘knock up’ Joseph’s girlfriend. She was auto-knocked up.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:16
If you liberals think you’re going to ban Christianity, I’ve got news for you, its already been tried, ever hear of the Emperor Nero? See how far he got?
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:21
I’m objectively anti-boogers. In fact, just reading that Bastion Booger handle is making me want to toss up the lovely beer cheese soup, salad and Guinness I consumed for dinner. If we can’t ban Xmas can we at least ban boogers?
The fact is, God did not ‘knock up’ Joseph’s girlfriend. She was auto-knocked up.
The fact is, then, that Joseph’s girlfriend got screwed without a kiss.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:29
Ummmm Candy! arrrgggglllll!
Clif said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:35
Don’t fall over faint with surprise, or choke yourself to death clutching your pearls, but Bastion Booger just happens to have exactly the same IP address as the alleged Orthodox Rabbi Saul. Of course, Saul couldn’t get all whipped up about the War on Christmas so he became the good Christian Bastian Booger. Saul/Bastian Booger lives in Atlanta, so his inability to find something to do on a Saturday night other than to troll a blog is, frankly, understandable.
Get a date/life/hobby/book to read, Saul/Bastian/jjj/whoever.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:39
Booger–man, now you got me….
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:45
Is Saul/Bastion/et al also the Blogger Formerly Known as Kevin, Clif?
Kevin, as incredibly annoying as he was, did seem to be marginally smarter than Saul, so I’m guessing not.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:50
I’d be shocked to learn that saulie the boogerman was also annie angel/shoelimpy.
I mean you could knock me out with a featherduster.
Ed Marshall said,
December 30, 2007 at 7:54
Wow, anyone see “dig!”. The documentary about the Brian Jonestown Massacre and the Dandy Warhols?
There was that scene where the junked out lead singer from the Brian Jonestown Massacre made a point of firing the rest the band and playing all their parts into his four-track and mixing it all to show everyone who the genius was. Saul/Boogers is kinda like that except the band was always imaginary. Well, that and in his case the songs always sucked.
Ok, it has nothing to do with “Dig!”. It’s orders of pathetic lower than than that. Orders of magnitude lower than a junkie, attention whore, egomaniac who probably had schizophrenia. Get help, whoever you want to be tonight.
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:05
I don’t know, ifthethunderdontgetya, Annie too seemed considerably brighter than Saul. I hate to admit it, but stacked up to the “heartland, the fact is, and the fake rabbi act,” in retrospect at least she seems downright coherent.
I wonder if Annie’s pink petals web site still exists. I don’t care enough to go look.
Paddy Mac said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:10
I wished my agnostic family a Merry War on Chirstmas. We celebrated our victory over the Christians by exchanging presents, decorating vegetation with lights, and otherwise making like our Northern European pagan ancestors did at Winter Solstice, for many centuries before a Jewish revolutionary ran afoul of his Roman overlords.
For a sympathetic, yet skeptical, version of The Greatest Story Ever (Endlessly Re-)Told, please read “The Jesus Dynasty” by James Tabor. The author’s wrestling with reality vs.Bible stories could inform many a wingnut, should they ever bother to read.
John O said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:15
But some of my best friend are Jewish, Ed!
LOL.
As anyone who has read much of my writing knows, I don’t much give a shit about those ol’ commas. And, come to think of it, anyone who takes comma placement as some sort of larger politiphilosophcultural issue is an idiot.
Night, all. Glad I can post again, even if you’re not.
Felix Moronia said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:18
Candy, I wondered the same thing myself not too long ago, and yes AA is spewing her venom. Why I looked I do not know. It took several days to recover.
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:22
Felix, I just remember how creepy that site was. I know what you mean about taking days to recover. (shudder)
Hoosier X said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:23
Bastion can’t be Saul because Saul told us he was from the Heartland. Falls Church, Va. Remember?
He can’t be from both Atlanta and Falls Church. Ipso facto, Bastion Booger can’t be Saul.
Unless he’s lying … I guess that is a possibility.
Lesley said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:41
Liberal caught in the act of ruining Christmas.
Ed Marshall said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:42
Bad news, Bush is vetoing yet ANOTHER pay raise for the troops, thus bolstering my argument in my crappily made speed-production video. What the fuck do people have to do in order to not get screwed over by this President?
Oh, that’s nothing. The tests just proved the m-4 is a piece of shit that will get you killed in a desert environment. That information isn’t going to trump Colt. No way are we going to buy a bunch of HK product when there are good, ole, Americans with a pack of lobbyists willing to sell us trash.
So what if their guns jam up, they can’t vote for the other guy anyway because they would get smoked out if they did, and afterword sent out on death duty.
Bastards.
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:56
No no no, Hoosier, Bastion says he is a Texan. See Teh Booger at 1:25.
It’s really hard to keep it all straight.
Let’s see . . . Kevin was from Alabama? Or was it Louisiana? Annie was Canadian.
No, obviously they can’t be the same loony. Maybe they just share a collective unconscious.
Damn I’m tired. I should crash. I can’t read me own typing.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:02
I am not Saul, I am who I say I am, I am from Texas. You must be mistaken Clif my dear liberal friend, either that or there are more than one of the same ip addresses out there. I am a Christian, I attend an Independent King James only Baptist Church. Clearly myself and our Rabbi friend cannot be the same man.
Bruce said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:03
Someone fact-check me on this:
Rudolph was a 1940’s era department-store promotion, and is still protected from the depredations of anti-Christmas crusaders by international trademark law.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:07
Also I know Saul personally, we are good friends. We have each others cell phone numbers and we hang out whenever we are in the same area. He is a very nice intellegent Conservative man and a Patriot. He also has a very good sense of humor. He is from Falls Church Virginia as he says and I am from Waco Texas.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:08
And myself and Saul also post on each others blogs regularly and have nice civil discourse about the issues of the day.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:10
Saul is actually in town right now, he is spending the night over my house. We are going deer hunting together tomarrow morning.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:12
And we collect Hello Kitty items and have ever so much fun watching Shirley Temple movies on TV in our jammies while one of our Mommies makes coca.
Saul said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:18
Shalom gentlemen.
I am posting from my friend Bastion Booger’s home in Waco Texas and we are indeed good friends.
My friend Bastion is actually a Sherrif’s Deputy a very tough and Patriotic Carrer I would say.
suedehead said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:18
Jeez. Talk about jumping the shark….or snark as it were.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:20
You see Saul spends alot of time over my house and I at his, which is why Clif probably saw we have the same ip address;
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:25
Well myself and Rabbi Saul are off to bed now we have to get up early to go deer hunting so good night our liberal friends.
Saul said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:31
And we both know that Hello Kitty has no mouth because she speaks with her heart.
Hümor Me said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:45
Well, that was unfunny and embarrassing, thanks saulbooger. You are very sad. Please go away.
Do I have to be the first?
I don’t even like sports much…
16-0.
woot1!
Hoosier X said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:45
Um … OK.
You heard it here …
Straight from the Heartland.
STH said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:48
JUST MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
(I wonder if the stupid lieberals bought it . . . .)
IGNORE THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN.
(Geez, that was close! I should have posted from work.)
NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS.
STH said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:54
On the contrary, Humor Me, that was the best giggle I’ve had in a long time.
Hey, wingers! Just so you know, there is a thing known as trying too hard. See above.
Saul said,
December 30, 2007 at 9:56
No, really, Saul is a totally separate person from me! I swear! I mean, Booger! Booger is a totally separate person! And we are the bestest of friends and we do manly things together all the time! Like killin’ stuff!
And I’m a sheriff’s deputy and he’s a rabbi. I mean, I’m a rabbi and he’s a sheriff’s deputy! And one of us is from a synagogue in Okla.
Pinkie-swear!
FlipYrWhig said,
December 30, 2007 at 10:14
One day Bastion Booger’s wife is going to leave a note in his hunting gear, but he’s not going to notice it.
Hümor Me said,
December 30, 2007 at 10:15
STH, quite. But unintentionally funny, for sure, and humiliating would have been a better term.
Could this be the beginning of the end for the saul-thing?
He’ll have to reinvent himself as another incoherent embarrasment. It’ll be fun spotting him.
Shalom Saul. Here’s your chance to rework the Bastion Booger idea. It was so close.
STH said,
December 30, 2007 at 10:31
That latest version of Saul needs a little work–spelling’s too good. I swear I’ve seen Saul misspell “synagogue” in the past.
Hoosier X said,
December 30, 2007 at 10:56
You don’t suppose one of the Sauls was Saul pretending to be somebody pretending to be Saul?
Smut Clyde said,
December 30, 2007 at 11:06
Whoever stole the Baby Jesus in Nyack last week had not returned it on Christmas Day. A baby doll was placed where the Jesus figurine had lain.
I trust that the Baby Jesus will be sending a series of postcards reporting on his travels around the world.
A Flickr site for his photographs would also be good.
kingubu said,
December 30, 2007 at 11:34
What’s this? Teh Baby Jaysus was stolen by an extremely hot and charmingly kooky French chick?
Ripley said,
December 30, 2007 at 12:04
I think that sums it all up rather neatly.
The secret’s out, O’Reilly. There’s a traitor in your ranks.
Emak Bakia said,
December 30, 2007 at 12:51
America’s powerful anti-war movement
If only…
Emak Bakia said,
December 30, 2007 at 13:03
As anyone who has read much of my writing knows, I don’t much give a shit about those ol’ commas. And, come to think of it, anyone who takes comma placement as some sort of larger politiphilosophcultural issue is an idiot.
merlallen said,
December 30, 2007 at 13:54
damn I’m sure glad I work alone.
Emak Bakia said,
December 30, 2007 at 15:44
Gertrude Stein
actor212 said,
December 30, 2007 at 16:11
Dear Boob, I mean, Bob,
Rudolph is hiding in a cave near Tora Bora with Osama bin Laden, plotting to destroy a pony ride in Kentucky that was left unbudgeted for in Michael Chertoff’s last budget request.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 16:55
One day Bastion Booger’s wife is going to leave a note in his hunting gear, but he’s not going to notice it.
Ha!
You don’t suppose one of the Sauls was Saul pretending to be somebody pretending to be Saul?
Ow.
One theory has it that Jesus learned everything he knew from traveling in Asia during his “lost years,” where he learned about Buddhism.
Hey, MzNicky, have you read Christopher Moore’s Lamb? Fun stuff.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 30, 2007 at 16:55
Shalom, gentlemen.
I’m voting for Falls Creek. It explains the idiotroll visitor I have showing up on my Site Meter from there. Actually, comments have ceased, so I don’t know if it’s an idiotroll.
Re: this post, I will admit that some on the left are not as “progressive” as it would seem, but rather a bit stuck in the late 60s (no Mom, it’s not just you). That hardly constitutes all libruls, nor is it any reason to jump ship and start agreeing with Jonah. BTW, who came up with “Pantload”? I’m liking that one.
Phil Moskowitz, Lovable Rogue said,
December 30, 2007 at 17:35
Gundam–isn’t that also when Milhouse became “Thrillhouse”, or different episode? I just love that, Thrillhouse.-
It was actually THRILLHOU, the other letters wouldn’t fit on the screen. I love that episode too, catfeesh?
Simba B said,
December 30, 2007 at 17:42
It was Norbizness. Google “doughy pantload” and the original entry that started it all is the first result.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 17:48
Hey, MzNicky, have you read Christopher Moore’s Lamb? Fun stuff.
Smiling Mortician: No, I haven’t. I’ve heard of it though. Satire?
Seriously, a lot of what Christ tried to tell people has Buddhist grounding. Perhaps he was a bodhisattva.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 18:13
MzNicky: buy yourself a little after-Festivus gift then. Moore has a fun, snarky style but he’s ultimately kind-spirited. His tale of what could have happened during the lost years is both entertaining and, well, plausible. Plus you’ll laugh out loud every 3 pages or so.
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 18:23
Smiling Mortician: I’ll check it out. Thanks for the tip! I could use an every-3-pages-laugh-out-loud right about now.
Arky - Professional Psychiatrist said,
December 30, 2007 at 18:50
You’ll get better mileage than that out of Lamb. Maybe it is the topic but I think this is Moore’s funniest book and he is always a riot.
The only thing about the book that surprised me was the lack of OUTRAGE(R) from the TheoCons. I kept waiting for blood-thirsty yowls from the Talevans and … nothing.
Maybe they were too busy burning Harry Potter books to notice.
Jennifer said,
December 30, 2007 at 18:52
I read that book…it’s the story of Jesus’ lost years as told by his best friend Biff. Seriously, it is.
Dan Someone said,
December 30, 2007 at 18:54
I love the smell of candy canes in the morning. Smells like victory.
My family/brigade has hit upon a terrific way to strike a blow in the War on Christmas: We had our family Hanukkah gathering on Christmas Day. Latkes, presents, the blood of Christian babies (supplied by a mail-order house — we’re not barbarians!), all the trimmings. This year, it was just a matter of scheduling — that was the first day we could all get together — but I’m thinking of making it a tradition.
Bastion Booger said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:00
Just back in from deer hunting we caught ourselves a big eight-pointer. Gonna make a nice venison chilli out of him.
CHODE said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:11
You’ll get better mileage than that out of Lamb. Maybe it is the topic but I think this is Moore’s funniest book and he is always a riot.
I concur. Damn’ good book.
Rene ala Carte said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:23
Good bye.
I’m going to turn myself into the disturbing the peace police.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:25
The only thing about the book that surprised me was the lack of OUTRAGE(R) from the TheoCons. I kept waiting for blood-thirsty yowls from the Talevans and … nothing.
I wondered about that too. I tried to convince myself that they just couldn’t attack it because ultimately it’s a rather sweet and respectful imagining of their savior . . . but then I remembered who we’re dealing with here. Sweet and respectful don’t do much to ward off Talibangelical wrath. So, yeah. I still don’t get it.
Worst. President. Ever. said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:31
Disturbing the peace— like when you go to a public restroom and there’s some liberal in there next to you, waving his fingers under the divider and rubbing his foot against yours?
Yeah, I hate that too.
SomeNYGuy said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:31
Fred Flintstone?!?!?! That guy’s picture should be captioned “Fruity Pebbles”!
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:35
You liberals still can’t come up with anything against about what the other author said with his words about Christmas decorations have become the codex alimentarius. You just want to spend all your time praising the monosectionals.
Amlodhi said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:47
Tyrrell’s writing make much more sense if read aloud in the voice of Jonathan Quayle Higgins III.
SamFromUtah said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:55
Hooo-ee! Been awhile since we had a full-screener.
Worst. President. Ever. said,
December 30, 2007 at 19:58
Tyrell and his fellow lunatics’ job is to beat their feet in the market square to raise a cloud of dust so that what Bu$hCo is really doing remains carefully hidden from the rubes.
As Jeb Bush put it in 1986:
“The truth is useless. You have to understand this right now. You can’t deposit the truth in a bank. You can’t buy groceries with the truth. You can’t pay rent with the truth. The truth is a useless commodity that will hang around your neck like an albatross — all the way to the homeless shelter. And if you think that the million or so people in this country that are really interested in the truth about their government can support people who would tell them the truth, you got another think coming. Because the million or so people in this country that are truly interested in the truth don’t have any money.”
“Bushwhacked: Inside Stories of True Conspiracy” by Uri Dowbenko
Paperback: 384 pages; $19.95
Dave Bowman said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:10
Today’s Krop of Konservative Kristians are merely trying to ‘lock in’ their ill-gotten gains. Historically, it’s a fact that Jesus was *not* born on December 25th, and that the early Xtians copped on to Saturnalia, and the pagan rituals that were historically held around the Winter Solstice.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:13
I think the “Theo-cons” (I like that one) and their ilk are all still savoring this lovely take on the Democratic Party. (You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll say “WTF?”)
Me said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:20
Actually, I’ve noticed fewer Christmas displays in general this year. Fewer lights, mostly. I put this down to a scary, shitty economy, and people not wanting big electricity bills.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:22
You liberal cynics don’t understand that God via His best representatives here on Earth and now in America have the power to make December 25th into His birthday and the other past stuff doesn’t exist anymore. As evidenced by the fact that the Roman Empire doesn’t exist anymore yet Jesus appears every year on the 25th to deliver worthy children presents and help many automobile dealers reduce their harmful overstocks.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:26
El Cid, no check my link above. See, there is a nice two-in-one late War on Christmas gift. The “Democrats are Racists” book will be a lovely complement to the Pantload of “Liberal Fascism”.
Oh yeah, and I declare at this moment that the Roman Empire yet again exists. Please make a note of this come tax-time.
tigrismus said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:26
El Cid is rocking the parody troll genre. Oscar-worthy.
El Cid said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:30
If the Roman Empire does exist, it means that the liberals are once again trying to conquer the Earth and enslave people by making politics a religion but also by trying to go beyond politics, and you can be sure that they will also be the ones to be the Fifth Columnists who will undermine and make the Empire fall apart so that their friends the Muslim cave barbarians will take us over.
Homophone Detector said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:33
Well myself and Rabbi Saul are off to bed now
Booger and Saul are homos.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:48
Grossly simple pre-new-year Sunday pointless observation: if the Democrats actually were the Left, I would be infinitely less prone to grit my teeth and drink too much every time I encounter punditry.
And yes, it’s entirely possible that El Cid’s finely wrought Roman Empire faux comment prompted my vacuous truism but that doesn’t make it any less true. Or vacuous.
More likely it was the Jeb Bush quote (thanks, WPE). I mean, they say this shit out loud and for publication.
[checks watch]
Yup. Way too early to start drinking.
Jennifer said,
December 30, 2007 at 20:49
Isn’t it a bit early in the day (in Texas, where Booger and Saul are shacked up) to be off to bed?
Dudes, I got the coolest thing for Xmas - it’s an analog-digital converter. Right now I’m recording Funkadelic’s Let’s Take It to the Stage to my computer. Kick ass!!!
MzNicky said,
December 30, 2007 at 21:00
Smiling Mortician: As my mother always says, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere.
Arky - Professional Peace Disturber said,
December 30, 2007 at 21:07
No, no, no. It’s the Librulfacscist Christmas Crushing Crusaders acting on orders from Hitlery and NATO! They come down from their pink helicopters, steal the lights and Baby Jesuses and replace them with midget porn!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 30, 2007 at 22:19
Smiling Mortician, make sure you don’t read Dave “Wanker Emeritus” Broder’s latest ode to bipartisanship.
Unless you’ve got something good in your glass.
anangryoldbroad said,
December 30, 2007 at 22:23
I love Christopher Moore. Lamb is hysterical. Plus,Jesus says Fuck,twice. What’s not to love? The Stupidest Angel is pretty funny too.
Lamb would make an awesome movie.
Arky - Professional Peace Disturber said,
December 30, 2007 at 23:14
I think you’ve hit on the silence of the talevans regarding the book.
Recently they made a ruckus over the Golden Compass for alleged anti-Godness of some sort. I heard nothing when the books came out (years and years ago) so I put it down to grasping at things to squeal about. At the risk of seeming uncharitable it could just be these numbnuts never read so a lot of books fly under the radar.
Candy said,
December 30, 2007 at 23:36
At the risk of seeming uncharitable it could just be these numbnuts never read so a lot of books fly under the radar.
Yes. The only time they ever notice books is when one of their kids mentions something they’re being asked to read in school. Then they look the book over, bird-dog something they don’t like, and start a book-banning campaign.
Hattie said,
December 30, 2007 at 23:48
Right, Candy!
Christmas Symbols « Petunias said,
December 30, 2007 at 23:58
[...] Via Sadly No!, Emmet Tyrrell has an article reviewing Christmas: Other traditional Christmas decorations are on [...]
billy pilgrim said,
December 31, 2007 at 0:37
Venison CHILI, BB?
What kind of savage are you? Good venison goes into steaks, chops, and the lousy meats go into sausage.
Using it for chili is a waste of good ammunition.
D. Sidhe said,
December 31, 2007 at 1:44
At the risk of seeming uncharitable it could just be these numbnuts never read so a lot of books fly under the radar.
There ya go. Someone they agree with has to read and denounce the book first. Frankly, it’s the only explanation for Jeff Long’s continued existence. His first book is about the existence of hell as a series of unexplored caverns, and puts forth the theory that the Bible was written by Satan. His second book brings us a literal Jesus clone and a relic-fueled pandemic. You could argue that both of these are more thought-provoking and ultimately more useful to developing one’s understanding of Christianity than, say, the Left Behind books–but I wouldn’t try it in a room full of PMDers. My best guess is just that they’ve never heard of him and so he goes uncondemned.
mikey said,
December 31, 2007 at 2:41
Yum.
Venison Loin Chops and Eggs over easy with biscuits for breakfast on the rocky shore of the pacific, or maybe Tenaya Lake, with grated potatoes with onions, now you’re talking one of those moments you keep in your heart forever, the way the meat sizzled over the crackling fire with the crisp pine and strong camp coffee and sharp clear air.
Oh, man, those were good days….
mikey
Anne Laurie said,
December 31, 2007 at 3:00
“Me” brings up something else I noticed — around this area, blue-collar suburbs north of Boston, there are a lot fewer & smaller outdoor light displays this holiday season. When I pointed this out to the Spousal Unit, he thought it might be a side-effect of Thanksgiving falling so early (around here, ‘Black Friday’ is the semi-official start of the light-strings and plastic creche season) but I noticed the local chain stores started offering clearance specials on inflatable Santas and artificial xmas trees a good two weeks earlier than usual. These displays are an important part of the “Christmas experience” to the people who set them up every year, and I definitely worry that so many families decided to ’sacrifice’ them this year…
Or maybe I’ve been unduly influenced by Joe Kennedy’s new TV commercials promoting low-cost heating oil assistance. There are several different ads with impeccably Deserving Poor individuals (white rural family who’ve been bankrupted by medical bills, older African-American pastor who used to run her church’s heating-assistance program) and Joe’s voiceover saying that “some people say we shouldn’t be accepting oil from Venezuela” but to him, “what’s really un-American is leaving fellow Americans out in the cold.” Joe’s always been a camera hog, but his program’s credentials are sterling, and these new commercials are a lot more Strident and Un-