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A Pastor Swank Holiday Moment Of Faith
God-evolution debate won’t quit
[...]
It takes a lot of faith to believe that I came from an amoeba. A lot of faith!
Faith bolstered. Tune in next time for another affirming message from our Wordsworth of Windham, as he… Oh wait, there’s more:
It’s a crazy world we live in. Crazier every day. But one of the craziest notions that ever came down the pike is evolution. Who in his right mind would ever believe that the complicated homo sapien derived from a speck? That’s getting the larger from the smaller.
Much like that crazy notion about sperm and egg cells supposedly growing into babies, and then into full-sized people.
When I was in school, we were taught that one of the fundamental postulates is that one cannot get the greater from the smaller. Yet that is what evolution is all about — greater from the smaller. Now that’s a crock.
Hmmm:
Above: Norman Podhoretz, Midge Decter, John “Bonfire of the Manatees” Podhoretz
Granted, this evolutionary progression violates several rules of nature. Then again, we’re not sure the Laws of Thermodynamics are literally among them.
Also, it depends on what sense of the word ‘greater’ you mean.
Evolution is furthermore an insult to the intelligent brain.
As opposed to the Banana Theory:
That’s why the world is crazy when the so-called intelligentsia defend this notion called “evolution.” The PhDs do that. The professors do that. The textbook writers and so forth do that. They all get in their clique and stroke one another
Why does every single Swank column have a line like this? Um, as soon as we get a certain Cole Porter song out of our heads, I suppose we must once again invoke the Banana Theory.
with this Alice from Wonderland fancy that we all came from a speck.
Then they throw in the Big Bang Whatever. This complicated universe and planet Earth just blew into place. There’s another nuthouse one for you.
A nuthouse one — like the Peanut Butter Theory?
Yes, the world is crazy. And getting crazier still.
On this we can rely.
Scott said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:27
You can’t fool Pastor Swank! People are born fully formed and fully grown! From cabbage leaves, the way God intended!
Don’t try to confuse me with the facts! My mind’s made up!
Gavin M. said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:32
Are the two YouTube videos showing up on the page, btw?
t4toby said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:32
You know what else?
Teh Stork!
Explain that one? If sex leads to babies, EXPLAIN THE STORK!!!1!
you’ve been pnwed!!!
t4toby said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:33
Now they are.
Fozzetti said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:35
Yes, Descartes used that old “Greater cannot come from the lesser” to PROOVE God’s existence. I said to the teacher “That would mean (in his view) that women (the lesser) cannot give birth to the greater (men). He told me i was Sophomoric and to sit down.
Now The Swankster is at it. “I think, therefore God created me.’ Huh.
Scott said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:36
It’s cabbage leaves, and you know it! Storks are heresy!
(I don’t like storks. They wet their nests.)
Jesus puts babies under cabbage leaves. You think he’d entrust them to an untrustworthy and gay-friendly bird like a stork?! HAW HAW HAW, Michael Moore is fat!
Gary Ruppert said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:40
The fact is, you liberals are just hurling insults instead of using logic and facts and reasoned discourse because you have pwned. You believe in silly things that do not exist. We believe in God, and there is lots of proof He exists. So there.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:41
The fact is, Michael Moore IS fat. This invalidates anything he says.
Fozzetti said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:44
It takes a lot of faith to believe the stuff in the bible, starting at page 1. Why is it so hard to have faith in evolution, which is backed up by a lot of evidence, where the bible isn’t?
If you didn’t know how cakes were made, you might scoff when told a bowl of batter would , in a few hours time, be a yummy treat. But if you stuck around and observed, you’d be convinced. No faith needed at all! Just like Evolution. (More sophomoric observations- boy that still smarts after 25 years)
J— said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:45
The PhDs do that. The professors do that. The textbook writers and so forth do that. They all get in their clique and stroke one another with this Alice from Wonderland fancy…
Now I understand why the competition for academic jobs is so fierce. Everybody wants to get in the clique and get stroked.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:49
The PhDs do that. The professors do that. The textbook writers and so forth do that. They all get in their clique and stroke one another with this Alice from Wonderland fancy…
–
The fact is, liberals are not fond of reality. The more educated you are, the more out of touch you are. Here in the heartland, we look at hard work and loyalty to your family and country as more important than book learning. Most of “education” today is merely liberal indoctrination and I am sick of having to pay for it with my taxes.
Tehanu said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:49
It takes a lot of faith to believe that I came from an amoeba.
I have no trouble believing it at all — not about Swank, anyway! In fact, I’m pretty sure he came from it just last week.
Rary Guppert said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:49
Happy Holidays to everyone at Sadly, No! I just love you guys, love hangin’ out here and pretending like I’m part of the cool kidz gang. Thanks for bein’ you!
Oh — and Merry Christmas!
Yeah, I said it! I said it and I meant it!
Typical Republican said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:51
The Bible doesn’t have to be backed up by evidence. The Bible IS evidence.
I don’t know why you liberals get all het up by the Bible because you have your own Holy Book, the Darwin book.
But as it says in the good book:
Atheist Liberals. Hmf.
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:53
When I was in school, we were taught that one of the fundamental postulates is that one cannot get the greater from the smaller.
Shorter Swank: “Judaism? Never heard of it.”
Hoosier X said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:55
Could we please lay off on the Heartland stuff until we find a troll who acts like he knows something about it? Saul and Gary are just lame, and very insulting to actual Heartland people.
People from the Heartland - like me - can speak for themselves.
Please stop acting like people from the Heartland are stupid. (This goes for Mike Huckabee as well.)
tigrismus said,
December 25, 2007 at 0:56
But one of the craziest notions that ever came down the pike is evolution.
But believing bats are birds or that stepping over a stick changes goat genes? Not crazy!
Gavin M. said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:00
Exactly. And if babies come from sperm, why is there still sperm?
Actually I’m not 100% sure there’s still sperm. Let me go check and make sure.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:00
When I was in school, we were taught that one of the fundamental postulates is that one cannot get the greater from the smaller.
Which is why the mighty oaks from small acorns do not grow.
Lesley said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:01
there are intelligent persons who know that Charles Darwin’s theory is full of holes. Large holes. Extra large holes.
Darwin never anticipated the evolution of wingnuts.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:02
Jeez, Norm and Midge are a great looking couple….
AAAAIAIIAEEEEEE !
Paddy Mac said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:04
“Why does every single Swank column have a line like this?”
The Right opposes pedophilia, straight group sex, rubber fetishes, bathroom homos, illegitimate children, and lying about adultery. (Just ask them.) One must know thine enemies, which is why they spend every hour of every day thinking about nothing else.
Paddy Mac said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:07
If the earth and sun formed from gas and dust, why does the solar system still contain gas and dust? If the Iron Age ended, why do we still use iron? And, to cross-polinate, if we defeated liberal fascism in the Second World War, how could anyone write a book about liberal fascists?
Gavin M. said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:14
If Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came from Gainesville, why is there still Gainesville?
a different brad said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:14
Actually, there’s a great deal of quality scholarship that argues that Descartes was being ironic in his proof of God, and in fact wanted to demonstrate that reason cannot justify faith.
In fact, in the intro to the text containing the proof, D mentions that circular proofs aren’t acceptable. Then, he uses one.
Swank id not smert,
a different brad said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:17
Nor am I, using commas and repeating in fact in consecutive sentences.
In my defense, I’m typing one handed, with a half asleep kitten pawing at my neck.
Hysterical Woman said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:18
I know the first refers to kosher laws, but what this about goat genes?
MrWonderful said,
December 25, 2007 at 1:44
If “you and I” had conducted all these peanut butter experiments for, say, 30 years, it might not be conclusive. But we’ve been doing it for almost ONE HUNDRED YEARS. We know this is true because the man said it is.
What more proof do you need? Life cannot emerge from a jar of peanut butter. Period. And when Darwin said that it did, he was being a liberal fascist, and fat.
QED
cleter said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:06
If the US evolved from England, why is there still an England?
Lesley said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:11
Yes, the world is crazy. And getting crazier still.
Slightly above and to the right of this statement is “I want you to help build a border fence.”
Dr BLT said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:14
Yes, it’s me, Dr BLT, not a poser like Troll, the Ancient Yuletide Carol :) Last year you posted You’re not the Kinda Ho that Santa Left Behind, and this year, others, like this site:
http://berkeleyplace.wordpress.com/2007/12/22/the-three-days-of-christmas-day-one/#comment-16183
Is following in your wake, putting the song on the verge of becoming an underground Christmas classic. So this year, I’ve come bearing gifts. Here is a sneak preview of the rap version:
http://www.drblt.net/music/HoRapDemo2.mp3
Love this post!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO! HO! HO!
Snorghagen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:16
That rules out the possibility of boners.
the ghost of gbear present said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:20
If you didn’t know how cakes were made, you might scoff when told a bowl of batter would , in a few hours time, be a yummy treat.
I am, in fact, going to test that hypothesis overnight tonight. In an office raffle, I won what I am told by mouth-witnesses to be a pan of the authentic heartland’s finest homemade cinammon rolls. I received them frozen and I have to set them out to rise tonight. I hope that Swank is way wrong (although Swank is right in regard to my own homemade cookies).
I cannot get past the 20 second mark of that second video. I don’t care if it’s funny. It’s like the Ghost of Christmas Present pulling back his robe (no Swank, not so he and Scrooge can stroke one another) to reveal ignorance and want. Beware them both.
(ps: the home computer is taking 20 minutes to boot up but may make it thru the rest of the year. I just finished backing up my pics and letters so I’ll just drive it til the hard drive whacks itself to death).
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:30
“How could someone say the universe just came into being? It had to come from somewhere: God!”
“Then where did God come from?”
“Uh, he just, uh, came into being!”
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:30
I got to strike a blow in the war on Christmas today! It left me in a warm fuzzy mood.
I was at my grocery store, a locally owned grocery store in the midst of my quite liberal neighborhood, the last place I was really prepared for a Christofascist assault. i was in line to check out, my fifteen year old son in tow, and the checker - who I happen to know is a college Republican wannabe, if you can imagine something so sad - says, right after he asked if I wanted paper or plastic, “Do you celebrate Christmas?”
“What?” I asked, uncertain that I’d hear aright.
“Do you celebrate Christmas?’ repeated the smarmy dork.
“No, I don’t. I’m an atheist,” I replied clearly, and I’m afraid rather loudly. “And really happy about it,” I added, observing the harrassed facial expressions of shoppers and employees alike.
I wish I had a camera phone, and could have snapped a picture of his face. It was precious. He looked like he’d been slapped right in the old kisser. He pursed up his lips like a puckered anus and didn’t speak any more than was necessary for the rest of the transaction.
I must admit, my response wasn’t entirely true. I do celebrate the holiday, in a purely secular fashion. But I just knew he was going for the, “They don’t want me to say Merry Christmas because I might offend some godless sinner so I’m asking everybody blah blah blah.” Aaaah, holiday cheer.
I’m afraid Pastor Swank wouldn’t dig me at all.
the ghost of gbear past said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:31
I have no trouble believing it at all — not about Swank, anyway! In fact, I’m pretty sure he came from it just last week.
I’m more inclined to go with the Turnip Truck theory with Swank, and given that he doesn’t believe in deep cosmic history, he’d probably be the first to admit that he fell of fairly recently.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:35
Um, serious philosophical question-type dealie. Does this make sense on any level?
noen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:39
I was wondering when you guys would jump on this. It’s nice that Pastor swank thinks of us enough to leave this present.
“one cannot get the greater from the smaller.”
Pastor Swank spooge –> .
The three spooges –> …
Ebeneezer Spooge –> .
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:43
“Then where did God come from?”
“What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.” The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, “What is the tortoise standing on?” “You’re very clever, young man, very clever,” said the old lady. “But it’s turtles all the way down!”[1]
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:45
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Man is the animal who laughs.
And thanks to snorhagen for the boner joke, as it proves precisely everything I know about the Universe. Ya drew snot. Fabulous.
I also have to admit I found this, well, priceless:
The more educated you are, the more out of touch you are. Here in the heartland, we look at hard work and loyalty to your family and country as more important than book learning. Most of “education” today is merely liberal indoctrination and I am sick of having to pay for it with my taxes. So epic in its stupidity I can only assume you have a professional hired troll on hand to offer the sin of temptation.
I’m from the Heartland. And everyone I know is pretty fond of book learnin’.
*scratching Heartland nuts*
noen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:46
FlipYrWhig said:
“Um, serious philosophical question-type dealie. Does this make sense on any level?”
No, none what so ever. Pastor Swank is deeply confused and thinks the metaphysical statement that “One cannot derive the greater from the lesser” is referring to size. He is a very stupid man who can barely even write but manages to be employed teaching English somewhere (I think).
Snorghagen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:46
No.
My guess is that Swank is throwing out a really badly garbled version of the second law of thermodynamics, but it’s hard to be sure what he’s talking about.
dBa said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:49
I can’t get my drunk from the eggnog.
noen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:50
“Above: Norman Podhoretz, Midge Decter, John “Bonfire of the Manatees” Podhoretz”
Ya know, Midge sure looks an awful lot like Norman in drag. Have they ever been seen together? I’m just sayin’.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:50
dBa, add more rum. That’s the ticket.
noen said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:55
I despise eggnog, it’s like drinking pancake batter.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 2:59
Sorry, Snorghagen, for giving you credit for a great joke and getting your handle wrong.
Not enough book learnin’, I reckon’. I hope you, God, and Pastor Skank will forgive me.
Great thanks and appreciation to all of you, for occupying and enriching the funniest place on the internet tubes. I’m sincere about my Christmas wishes, but in a most secular way.
Am I the only one for whom the Republicans have made hope like all get out that there IS a God?
Because Jesus would that be funny.
the ghost of gbear future said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:02
ghost points a bony finger at the state of education as it has become near the end of Huckabee’s second term in office. Swank peers in and says “So what’s wrong with that?” hereby sealing his fate of an eternity dragging the biggest baddest most ponderous chain of stupid that the afterworld has ever seen. finis.
dBa said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:02
That’s better…
also, wondering if Swank has ever done addition.
Harry Cheddar said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:04
” . . . one cannot get the greater from the smaller.”
I’m pretty sure this one came from missus Swanksta.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:07
John O -
If you mean do I wish folks like Richard “the Dick” Cheney would get the express trip to hell, courtesy of a vengeful god, then yes . . . yes I do.
Just one of his many sins that should get him a roasting.
PhysioProf said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:08
There is no way that great gifts of snark-fodder like Swank and Pantload can arise through a purposeless soulless process from puny specks of humanity. They must represent the divine machinations of an intelligent designer!
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:18
Exactly, Candy.
No way does Cheney, or Rove, or any number of GOP God-thumpers actually believe. Bush it too stupid to know to question. Plus he came to Jesus in a hilarious way: His wife told him, “the bottle or me.”
I’m sort a “near-atheist,” since I consider any declarations about such shit to be the ravings of arrogance. If I had to bet the farm and the kids and the lungs and kidneys, my money would be on, “light’s out.”
But if there’s one thing I DO know, from my limited view of history, it’s that we don’t know shit about these things, and pretending otherwise is folly.
So, I retain hope, as I’ve done my best to be a good person, a giving person, and a kind person. Rove and Cheney and the Gang will hopefully rot in Hell.
Sadly, I doubt it.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:18
Yeah, that’s why you have to add massive quantities of rum.
dBa said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:21
Have you ever noticed that while you add rum in large quantities, your glass never overflows?
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:24
dBa, you may have hit on a point that proves God exists! ZOMG! Alert Pastor Swank!
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:25
I’m a rum guy exclusively, demonically so.
But as a health nut, I use Diet Coke.
Eggnog is too much like having a bad cold to me. Never touched the stuff.
mikey said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:25
I assume santa’s not anywhere near the antipodes yet, and at best Bimler’s just had his coffee, but I’m well into teh scotch, yee hah
mikey
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:35
I’m into the codeine cough syrup this Xmas Eve, mikey, and it ain’t bad a’tall. I will need to be nodding soon. (Er, nodding, sleeping, tomayto tomahto.) My cough and chest pain have faded to a distant memory, and I feel pretty . . . cheerful.
Enjoy your scotch, rum & diet coke, eggnog, or whatever libation you’re imbibing, Sadlynaughts. We fought a brave war on Xmas, but it came anyway. So drink to whatever, and have a happy, peaceful time.
Slainte.
dBa said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:36
I base all my statements on Rush Limbaughs First and Second laws of Thermodynamics as well as some home experimentation.
In effect, you “can’t create something from nothing” (Law 1) and all that is created is “running down and wearing out” (Law 2), and if you follow that up with Swanks Postulate that “x + y is less than or equal to x + y”…
I think it’s say to say that you can’t in fact get drunk on Rum and pancake batter.
dBa said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:37
*safe to say…
Snorghagen said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:37
And here’s even more proof… the guy in the first video is the resurrected Sonny Bono, sent back from Zion to reveal God’s banana handiwork to us all.
Calming Influence said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:40
“When I was in school*, we were taught that one of the fundamental postulates is that one cannot get the greater from the smaller.”
*PS420, Ancient Greece. He had Mr. Plato for homeroom and Mr. Socrates for gym, and it really fucked him up.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:41
It’s all family, all the time for me tomorrow, and I could’ve done it tonight but decided to stay at home and be a nerd, but I have a big, typically dysfunctional family save for one way: We enjoy each other’s company, a lot, and are able to make fun of the dysfunction. Laughter and good cheer and crazed toddlers abound.
It’s a Wonderful Life. (Yeah, I’m watching that, too. Can’t help it, at least once a season.)
noen said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:46
Candy said,
“Yeah, that’s why you have to add massive quantities of rum.”
I don’t drink but if I did it would make no sense to me to ruin a good rum by putting it in some eggnog. When I did drink I usually preferred a good dry wine. Red or white didn’t matter much. Whiskey sour if we went that route.
My ex drank tequila + mountain dew which is every bit as nasty as it sounds.
mikey said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:46
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
Maybe??
My puzzler is sore.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night…
mikey
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:48
bah humbug.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:48
Merry Christmas to you, too, mikey.
I know instinctively those I want in the foxhole next to me, should I sadly ever be in one. Congratulations.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:49
For me, it ain’t the solstice holiday without the movie Scrooge with the great Alastair Sim. I’ll fess up to liking It’s a Wonderful Life as well, although I really adored World ‘O Crap’s delicious takedown of the movie last year. I’m a sucker for holiday schmaltz. I even like Rudolph. (ducks)
HAHAHAHAHA!
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:51
I’m a rum guy exclusively, demonically so.
But as a health nut, I use Diet Coke.
I always laugh when I see people order that.
Once upon a time, I was taking a PepsiCo guy out for drinks because we were trying to talk to him into donating summer concert money to bring a band in for my college and I started to order a drink and I said “Give me a rum and” then I got this look and I said “pepsi”.
The guy about broke himself laughing, and he wound up giving us twice what we were asking for.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:51
Candy, can I tell you a secret about that movie? It’s kind of a mood spoiler but it’s pretty funny.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:54
Please do.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 3:58
I’m a ridiculously sentimental ol’ sap, and I want to hear it too.
My next-door neighbor at work, a trained, professional opera singer, has an original movie poster signed by Zuzu.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:00
Maybe it’s been fixed somehow in modern copies of Scrooge, but I have an old VHS copy.
I won’t tell you what to look for, but when Scrooge is full of joy and looking at himself in the mirror on Christmas morning, look at what else is in the mirror’s reflection. If you don’t see anything odd, it’s probably been cleaned up. If you do see something odd, you won’t thank me for pointing it out, lol.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:07
I’ve never really paid attention, but I will next time. My version is, alas, the Ted Turner colorized version (but my mom, who’s gone now, recorded it for me in ‘89, off WGN, with all the commercials intact, so it’s sentimentally and historically precious to me, what with the news announcement of Noriega seeking sanctuary in the Vatican and George HW doing a public service announcement). The fact that my partner, an occasional actor and full-time nitpicker, hasn’t noticed it leads me to believe that it’s been cleaned up.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:08
Uh, did I lose which movie we were talking about?
Not that I don’t enjoy every version of Christmas Carol I’ve ever seen, even Bill Murray’s, but, huh?
If it is cleaned up, honor dictates you tell us what you saw.
cleter said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:09
The muppet version of “A Christmas Carol” is best. Followed by the George C. Scott 80s version. Call me an apostate, I don’t care.
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8gOU8XJc7Y
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:14
The blooper that’s on my VHS version of Scrooge (Alastair Sim’s version) is that there is a studio tech with a crewcut and white business shirt who can’t quite get out of the reflection in the mirror. The scene goes to the mirror twice and he gets caught in the reflection both times. It kind of takes some of the wind out of the sails of the victorian setting.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:17
cleter, you heretic. Scrooge is the only version. Prepare to face the wrath of the One True Carol!
Seriously, I love George C. Scott’s version too. Sadly, I have to say, I’m not a big muppet fan. In my defense, I’ll say it’s probably because I used to do costumed baloon delivery for a theatrical shop, and wearing the big bird costume in 100 degree Iowa heat and humidity made me despise muppets. We are, after all, shaped by our experiences.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:20
We are, after all, shaped by our experiences.
Indeed we are.
And from a certain perspective, there just isn’t all the much else to it.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:22
Thanks Ed! There he is at 1:14 at the lower left corner of the mirror. Looks like they cleaned it up a little but you can still see the tech’s reflection in the first visit to the mirror. Didn’t see him on the second visit.
Candy said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:25
On the other hand, the belly dancer and playboy bunny costumes were cool and comfy, but I never became a belly dancing or playboy bunny enthusiast.
I am going to the land of sugar plums and weird codeine dreams now, so I will wish you all a Merry Merry and a Happy Happy. Sweet dreams.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:26
and a Happy Merry Merry to you too, Candy.
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:32
For what it’s worth, via the comments, the stage hand didn’t get fixed, he got colored in with the turner version.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:38
Ed, he’s really very visible in the cheapy version that I’ve got. It’s not surprising at all that he got shaded out when the technology improved. It’s quite a shock to see the modern guy in the movie after getting so engrossed in the victorian setting.
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:46
I wouldn’t have touched that with a ten-foot poll in an editing room. I’d have walked out. To me it would be something akin to reworking the Frances and the Fairies. Actually that example is really close to what Lucas did with the original Star Wars and that certainly happened, but to me it is bordering on sacrilige.
tigrismus said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:48
Hysterical Woman - Genesis 37-42 “But Jacob got fresh branches from poplar, almond, and plane trees and peeled the bark, leaving white stripes on them. He stuck the peeled branches in front of the watering troughs where the flocks came to drink. When the flocks were in heat, they came to drink and mated in front of the streaked branches. Then they gave birth to young that were streaked or spotted or speckled.”
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:49
Ed, Are you talking about colorization in general or fixing bloopers after the fact?
tigrismus said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:50
gbear-I have it on DVD, and it’s still visible. Good for a laugh every year, at least after the eggnog’s been properly “thinned”…
Ed Marshall said,
December 25, 2007 at 4:57
Wow, good question.
I’d see the colorization as the lesser of two evils.
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 5:04
I feel the same way about ‘remastered’ records. Sometimes it makes things clearer, but the remastering often includes remixing that wrecks or at least changes the atmosphere of the original version. ‘Satisfaction’ by the Stones comes to mind.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 5:37
May you all have good fortune, accept those fortunes that aren’t so great, and keep laughing. The Universe is unfolding as it will.
I’m out. Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to all.
Y’all give me hope. Thank you, for that and the most precious human gift of all, laughs.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 5:40
Since it’s seasonal, though somewhat dated….
“The Gingrich that Stole Christmas”
(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)
Every Rep down in Congress liked Clinton somewhat,
Except for the Gingrich, who simply did NOT!
He hated Bill Clinton! He hated his wife!
He vowed to torment them the rest of his life!
The Ging hated anyone left of the Huns,
He hated the wusses who didn’t like guns.
He hated the teachers who wouldn’t lead prayers,
He hated the people who’d tax millionaires!
He hated “McGoverniks” whining ’bout rights,
Like equal protection for gays and non-whites.
He hated the folks who said “Nicotine kills”
And vowed he would pass more pro-nicotine bills.
He hated the folks who said “Women need choice”
And vowed to give middle-aged males more voice.
But he hated the people on welfare much more;
He hated the way they were POOR POOR POOR!
He hated the way they had no jobs at all! And while she was whimpering he said, “By the way,
I’m leaving for somebody younger - hooray!!”
The Gingrich’s heart shrank two sizes that night.
And that could be what makes him so Christian Right.
Now, the night before Congress the Ging hatched his plans:
From now on he’d speak for, quote, “Normal Americans.”
Tax-slashers! That’s what those “Normal” folks lov!
He’d take to the skies and dismantle the gov!
He jumped out of bed and he summoned his pet:
A Doberman Pinscher who once killed a vet.
George was his name (as in Wallace, not Bush);
“Boy!” said the Gingrich, “We’re gonna whip tush!”
They flew to a soup kitchen, filled with sad “bums,”
Snatched up the kettle and stole all the crumbs.
They flew to a basketball game late at night
And shooed the kids out, to the dealers’ delight.
They unplugged mass transit and cried “Buy a car!”
Then chopped down a forest and chomped a cigar.
What bliss! What fun! What downright glee!
What joy! What yuks! What great TV!
The next day the Gingrich sat high above view
And looked down on Congress (as many folks do).
He wanted to relish the joy and the cheer
Of folks waking up to their first tax-free year.
He waited and waited and waited some more;
He waited to hear them cry “Newt! Take the floor!”
He waited for kudos and champagne free-flowing,
He waited for trumpets on high to start blowing.
But instead of rejoicing and hoopla, etc.,
He heard a strange rumble that made his palms sweat.
The people weren’t happy, not happy at all!
They ringed ’round the Statehouse! They filled up the hall!
They groused and they grumbled and cried, “We’re real mad!
We want all those costly old programs we had!
Give back our givebacks! Give back our pork!
Give back the stuff you walked off with, you dork!”
And the Gingrich sat simply quite stunned at the sight
Of Normal Americans, not left and not right.
They wanted clean air and they wanted green trees,
They wanted full coverage for medical fees,
They wanted nice schools and streets safe to play,
They wanted it all - they just didn’t want to pay!
And when the truth hit him, the Ging grinned a grin,
He laughed and he laughed till the tears ran down his chin.
The Clintons climbed up to the Dome, laughing too.
“Hee hee hee,” Bill and Hill laughed, “Hoo hoo hoo!”
They laughed with the cheer that comes from within,
They laughed with the knowledge: You just cannot win.
The Gingrich and Clintons now shared the same plight
Whatever they’d do, they could not do it right.
“Folks hate you,” said Bill, “once you land in D.C.
But I’ve got a plan: Let us bond, you and me.
We’ll work as a team, yes! That’s my advice!
We’ll listen and nod and make NICE NICE NICE!”
The Prez put his hand out, they hugged on the ledge…
And then that old Gingrinch pushed Bill off the edge.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 5:44
Damn, don’t know what happened there…it dropped a few lines when I cut and pasted…in any case, here’s the unabridged version:
Every Rep down in Congress liked Clinton somewhat,
Except for the Gingrich, who simply did NOT!
He hated Bill Clinton! He hated his wife!
He vowed to torment them the rest of his life!
The Ging hated anyone left of the Huns,
He hated the wusses who didn’t like guns.
He hated the teachers who wouldn’t lead prayers,
He hated the people who’d tax millionaires!
He hated “McGoverniks” whining ’bout rights,
Like equal protection for gays and non-whites.
He hated the folks who said “Nicotine kills”
And vowed he would pass more pro-nicotine bills.
He hated the folks who said “Women need choice”
And vowed to give middle-aged males more voice.
But he hated the people on welfare much more;
He hated the way they were POOR POOR POOR!
He hated the way they had no jobs at all! And while she was whimpering he said, “By the way,
I’m leaving for somebody younger - hooray!!”
The Gingrich’s heart shrank two sizes that night.
And that could be what makes him so Christian Right.
Now, the night before Congress the Ging hatched his plans:
From now on he’d speak for, quote, “Normal Americans.”
Tax-slashers! That’s what those “Normal” folks lov!
He’d take to the skies and dismantle the gov!
He jumped out of bed and he summoned his pet:
A Doberman Pinscher who once killed a vet.
George was his name (as in Wallace, not Bush);
“Boy!” said the Gingrich, “We’re gonna whip tush!”
They flew to a soup kitchen, filled with sad “bums,”
Snatched up the kettle and stole all the crumbs.
They flew to a basketball game late at night
And shooed the kids out, to the dealers’ delight.
They unplugged mass transit and cried “Buy a car!”
Then chopped down a forest and chomped a cigar.
What bliss! What fun! What downright glee!
What joy! What yuks! What great TV!
The next day the Gingrich sat high above view
And looked down on Congress (as many folks do).
He wanted to relish the joy and the cheer
Of folks waking up to their first tax-free year.
He waited and waited and waited some more;
He waited to hear them cry “Newt! Take the floor!”
He waited for kudos and champagne free-flowing,
He waited for trumpets on high to start blowing.
But instead of rejoicing and hoopla, etc.,
He heard a strange rumble that made his palms sweat.
The people weren’t happy, not happy at all!
They ringed ’round the Statehouse! They filled up the hall!
They groused and they grumbled and cried, “We’re real mad!
We want all those costly old programs we had!
Give back our givebacks! Give back our pork!
Give back the stuff you walked off with, you dork!”
And the Gingrich sat simply quite stunned at the sight
Of Normal Americans, not left and not right.
They wanted clean air and they wanted green trees,
They wanted full coverage for medical fees,
They wanted nice schools and streets safe to play,
They wanted it all - they just didn’t want to pay!
And when the truth hit him, the Ging grinned a grin,
He laughed and he laughed till the tears ran down his chin.
The Clintons climbed up to the Dome, laughing too.
“Hee hee hee,” Bill and Hill laughed, “Hoo hoo hoo!”
They laughed with the cheer that comes from within,
They laughed with the knowledge: You just cannot win.
The Gingrich and Clintons now shared the same plight
Whatever they’d do, they could not do it right.
“Folks hate you,” said Bill, “once you land in D.C.
But I’ve got a plan: Let us bond, you and me.
We’ll work as a team, yes! That’s my advice!
We’ll listen and nod and make NICE NICE NICE!”
The Prez put his hand out, they hugged on the ledge…
And then that old Gingrinch pushed Bill off the edge.
Trollhattan said,
December 25, 2007 at 5:52
Thanks so much for serving as president of the in-touch club.
Gary somethingorother:
“The more educated you are, the more out of touch you are. “
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:16
Jennifer, I’m about to crash, and just thought I would check in one more time. Are you by any chance hot and single? And living within 20 miles of me? Under 55? A PhD in psychology and philosophy, with a double major in exercise physiology, a triple major in history and physics, and a quadruple major in getting rich?
I will marry you sight unseen if all of those are true. Of course, the terms of the marriage are still, as they must be, negotiable.
LOL.
Have a Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, to all of you brilliant people, and even the retards, like Gary and his infinite fake-monikers.
Even morons deserve the gift of peace and love for the holidays.
99% of you deserve all the best.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:22
John O - well that’s very flattering. I am single, I at least used to be hot though I wouldn’t vouch for it now, under 55, no PhD in anything (BA architecture, MS Ed) and since I don’t know where you live, have no idea if I’m within 20 miles or not though I doubt it since I live in hicksville.
BTW, that was an impressive list…you were bordering on Seavey Todd territory there!
Hope you have a very happy holiday!
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:27
Single, you say?
You must have a fatal flaw. LOL.
(I’m 48 and never been married, though close a couple of times. No regrets.)
Chicago suburbs. But I have enough money to travel now and again. :-)
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:29
And one of my more influential life-thingys is that I grew up in rural Hicksville, IL.
And I’m damn happy about it. I have the blue-collar and white-collar perspective down cold.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:33
Please God don’t ever compare me to the Toddster. Please. I beg of you.
I guess one of the great things about my more-than-half over life is that I’ve never felt unloved, never lacked for children in my life, never lacked for jack-shit that had any meaning and importance in the weird world most of us call Life.
I am a VERY rich man. And I’m proud of it, because a lot of my wealth comes down to choosing good human beings as friends, being blessed with good human beings as family, an knowing the goddamn difference.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:41
My fatal flaw? I always insisted on being myself no matter how many times I was told that I don’t act like a woman is “supposed” to act. To my credit, that attitude probably prevented me from committing homicide, suicide, or both, since I never was much of an actress and so never got into anything by pretending to be someone else. And since I’m in southern hicksville (Little Rock) you can see why that’s not a quality that ranks particularly high on the “must-have” lists of most men searching for mates. For years it really bothered me, but I’m over all that now and content with the way things worked out. Not everyone is intended to be part of a couple, and I think I am truly one of those people.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:47
Me, too, Jennifer. And those are not fatal flaws, those are most-excellent characteristics in a strong, smart woman. And strong, smart men, too.
Little Rock, though, is not that far away. Ever been to the big city?
*just cracking myself up; pay it no mind*
You folks brought me Bill Clinton, who despite all the things I hate about him, remains one of the great geniuses of my time, and I love the man. If only as friends.
So, Little Rock can’t be all bad.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 6:54
Yeah, I used to go to Chicago fairly regularly. I worked for quite a few years as an independent publisher’s rep, and three of the companies I worked for had Chicago offices. Nice town, but not this time of year…last time I was in Chicago in winter it was 35 below. That’s just not right.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:07
Four seasons is the rhythm of life, and I love it spiritually, and emotionlly, even though from time to time I hate it intellecually.
Yeah, it gets cold. But warmth is found in many odd ways. Adversity makes us normal.
And there is always something to look foreward to.
Which doesn’t matter at all in the end, since I can get to L.R. on a moment’s notice.
:-)
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:12
Jennifer, I think we should “get a room,” as I’m sure most S,N!ers are wishing.
jonorato42@comcast.net.
I don’t say shit I won’t defend in public. So I’m easy to find, easy to hassle, and still don’t care a whit.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:21
I’d be happy with 75 - 80 degrees year round! But as it is, I can better handle the 100+ we get in the summer than the 35 below you get in the winter. I guess I just prefer my adversity on the warm side. I wouldn’t object to having a Chicago friend though…you could pick up stuff for me at Trader Joe’s.
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:26
:-)
OK, I get the “hint.” Nicely disguised, btw. :–)
Weather is shit when it comes to life. So there. When you’ve grown up with all four seasons, you learn to love the bullshit and great fun snow and ice and cold brings just as much as you love the trees changing and the constant rain of the spring, the heat of the summer, and knowing that all of it is Life’s big circle.
Consider yourself up one when it comes to Chicago friends. You’ve been very kind to me here, and anyone who has read “Infinite Jest” just plain makes me curious.
Jennifer said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:40
Sorry, not trying to be flip…but also distracted…I’ve been back and forth from blog surfing to watching Bad Santa. Think I’m gonna sign off for the night but enjoyed the chat and will definitely see you at least around here…so in keeping with carrying on the war on xmas up to the bitter end, I wish you a HAPPY HOLIDAY and to all a good night!
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:45
LOL, “Bad Santa,” one of my faves.
Sleep tight, Jennifer, and I never thought you were being flip.
Merry Christmas to you and all yours.
Time for me to pass out, too. :-)
STH said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:51
See what I mean? As I said before, we totally need an SN dating service. God knows I could use all the help I can get in that department–the Republican guy I met on the toobz is married to his goddamn job. Just let me recover a bit from the damage he did and I’ll be the first to sign up.
a different brad said,
December 25, 2007 at 7:58
I’d be in for such a service, but I’ve a feeling the best served group would be gay doods. Like most of the net, doesn’t seem to be a helluva lot of youngish, single females here.
Actually, on second thought, internet community dating tends to end up badly. This place has too good a vibe for drama and cliques ‘n’ crap.
Ah well, the meet-up has been retitled Sadly, Never!, anyhow.
Some Guy said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:02
Speaking of the good Pastor, and Christmas, and good cheer and what all not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdItwaLrv1U
Hallelujah indeed!
“When I was in school, we were taught that one of the fundamental postulates is that one cannot get the greater from the smaller.”
Then where the fuck do cheeseburgers come from? And why can’t I haz one?
So, he’s seriously arguing that it’s craaaazy talk to even think to believe that people come from single cell organisms. I look forward to his up coming thesis….es? Thesisi? Theeees…. writings; “Why Heavier Then Air Flight is Impossible”, “Submersibles? More like SubmersiFAILS!”, “Anti-LIEotics: How Anti-God Atheists Want to Convince You to Fight your Blood Demons with Heresy.” and his opus maiestas* “Flatworld: How Anti-God Atheist Ideals of a ‘Round World” is just Upside-Down.”
600 years since the Renaissance, and the insane religious extremists STILL insist there’s right about everything.
*Any snooty Latin majors out there reading this can blow me.
Twisted_Colour said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:04
Cousin Jeffrey is hung like a horse……
John O said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:07
The idea of an S,N! dating service is a good one.
I mean, you gotta have something in common, right?
*yawn/stagger/crash*
Make fum all you want. Not only can I take it, I laugh at it, and think you’re all mostly geniuses. So there, again.
Sorry to be so infatuated with the mysterious Jennifer. Couldn’t help it.
She seems like a good one to me, and I find those rare.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:09
Holy fucktard. That’s it, I’m posting my bikini video. I just saw this. My hand has been forced. Both accounts, why not. Just a quick edit.
I know, I know, way OT, but this isn’t something anyone here would want to miss anyways. Just watch the vid on the link.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:22
And that’s why we call her the Shrieking Harpy.
Matt T. said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:31
Dear y’all,
Hope all y’all are enjoying whatever this particular Monday in December is bringing you, be it an official-type holiday, some sort of non-organized family thing or whatever. We are celebrating Matt & Marcus (my bro) Come Home And Make Momma Happy While She Spoils Us For A Couple Days, a T. family tradition. My old man’s doing okay, though he’s started smoking cigars for some unfathomable reason. Personally, I would’ve prefered if he’d stuck to the Red Man.
My big redneck family are all insane, but that’s nothing new and just means they’re all doing well. Mommaw’s 87 and does not give a FUCK what anyone thinks. And she’ll tell you that if you ask her, too. My parents have that Direct TV thing, so I’m watching television for the first time in a year. How the hell do people watch this shit on a regular basis? I think it explains why yayhoos like Pastor Swank aren’t laughed out of whatever building they’re inhabiting, frankly. But Enter The Dragon is on Bravo, and nothing says Christmas to me like watching Bwuce Lee whip all kinds of ass.
Only problem? No weed. Momma would have a kitten, and hell, I could stand to be straight for a couple days, anyway. So, anyhow, thanks for the giggles, hope everyone gets laid sometime in the near future and we all wake up to a better tomorrow. At the very least, I’ll be back in Athens in a couple of days and then I can get high.
Ted said,
December 25, 2007 at 8:57
And one of my more influential life-thingys is that I grew up in rural Hicksville, IL.
The Trance maker “Shpongle” has an excellent piece called “Hicksville”. (techno-trance X hick-style music = interesting).
Anyway, happy holidays to all teh Sadly’s. Even Saul and Gary; Sadly,No!’s ‘minge’ and…well, ‘gary’.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 25, 2007 at 9:02
The idea of an S,N! dating service
I am already dated.
STH said,
December 25, 2007 at 9:04
Hey, John O, I hope you didn’t think I was making fun of you. Far from it, and I’m mostly serious about the dating service thing. Wouldn’t hurt to improve the odds by dating somebody you knew you had something in common with.
Anyway, happy whatever-you-celebrate to everybody.
Snorghagen said,
December 25, 2007 at 9:15
Happy festivus to all you bizarros.
owlbear1 said,
December 25, 2007 at 9:30
Hey did you notice this morning?
The sun came up a little earlier. If it happens again tomorrow morning then Bingo baby! Party time! So go get ready for a party cuz the sun ain’t dieing.
Smut Clyde said,
December 25, 2007 at 10:18
They all get in their clique and stroke one another
I never get invited to cliques like that.
Not in the office now. Am on holiday, with intermittent internet access (but continual coffee-&-beer access). For my part in the WoC, I ensured that everyone I knew watched Hogfather when it was screened by antipodean TV.
The Goob said,
December 25, 2007 at 10:29
Wait!
Elvis’ favorite was peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
ergo, Elvis is God.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 25, 2007 at 10:32
ifthethunder–in all fairness, when we were still friends (as in daily basis talking emails constantly, etc.), she was quite different in conversation than in what everyone else sees. A very concerned good friend. I miss that. And completely not ’shrieking’ at all, nothing like that. I just must in all fairness give her that. She was a very loyal friend, and despite the fact that my politics were rather different than hers. She was always very laid back about that, not what people online expect. But this was too much. I had to post my video. It was originally a joke between us, actually, but I had to reframe it a bit in editing because I AM actually really angry about the war and Bush’s treatment (out-of-flightsuit) of the troops. It just infuriates me. Chicks in bikinis supporting soldiers when the Preznit wouldn’t even give them a pay raise after deploying them longer than expected anyway. No raise, nope, sorry, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Basically everything everyone here is already pissed off about….LOL…I forget, I needn’t explain my views here on these subjects. Anyways, it finished uploading. TIme to see how awful I look on camera…ROFLMAO!
Smut Clyde said,
December 25, 2007 at 10:41
But one of the craziest notions that ever came down the pike
What is this pike, down which crazy notions come? Whenever I try sending anything down a pike it gets stuck on the small blade out the side. Unless I’m confusing it with a halberd.
nron said,
December 25, 2007 at 10:48
There is another very interesting phenomenon that occurs around December 25th, or the winter solstice. From the summer solstice to the winter solstice, the days become shorter and colder. From the perspective of the northern hemisphere, the sun appears to move south and get smaller and more scarce. The shortening of the days and the expiration of the crops when approaching the winter solstice symbolized the process of death to the ancients. It was the death of the Sun. By December 22nd, the Sun’s demise was fully realized, for the Sun, having moved south continually for 6 months, makes it to it’s lowest point in the sky. Here a curious thing occurs: the Sun stops moving south, at least perceivably, for 3 days. During this 3 day pause, the Sun resides in the vicinity of the Southern Cross, or Crux, constellation. And after this time on December 25th, the Sun moves 1 degree, this time north, foreshadowing longer days, warmth, and Spring. And thus it was said: the Sun died on the cross, was dead for 3 days, only to be resurrected or born again. This is why Jesus and numerous other Sun Gods share the crucifixion, 3-day death, and resurrection concept. It is the Sun’s transition period before it shifts its direction back into the Northern Hemisphere, bringing Spring, and thus salvation.
Zeitgeist-The Movie!!!1! Explaining/Debunking/Scorning organized religion since 2007.
Murri Crimma y’all.
sarah said,
December 25, 2007 at 11:15
merry christmas, sadlies! thank you for being you.
and thank you for making the non-stop nightmarey parts of 2007 bearable. here’s hoping for a better world in 2008.
Smut Clyde said,
December 25, 2007 at 11:26
ergo, Elvis is God.
I read that as ‘ergot Elvis is God’.
This probably means that it’s time to stop drinking and go to bed, but “staying up and hallucinating” is always the more entertaining option. Don’t snort too much egg-nog.
merlallen said,
December 25, 2007 at 11:48
Did Swank actually say that smart people have circle jerks? hahaha
Stupid and perverted, Swank
do not want said,
December 25, 2007 at 12:08
Photographs of a shirtless John Podhoretz? Nnnnnoooooooo….
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
December 25, 2007 at 12:17
Lex, you must be a Bowie fan as well as a Nick Cave fan. :-)
I guess I’m the only one here now, and I’ve done my Christmas dash, with all the fine Australian champagne-only-we’re-not-allowed-to-call-it-champagne-because-we’re-not-French and socialising with families and all, and now it’s just me and 2 kitties (who would have appreciated any leftover turkey that I failed to bring home).
Sigh.
And Smut (can I call you Smut?), I’ve never seen a moving picture of Hogfather, and I’d really like to. Joss Ackland would make a very fine Ridcully, although my favourite would be David Warner as Downey: I’ve got a bit of a thing for David Warner. Probably the voice. I’m a pushover for a man with a fine voice. Probably because I’ve got a face for radio and all that.
Speaking of radio, I’m currently the stand-in breakfast presenter on Radio Adelaide. So for this week only, if you’re interested, you can catch me here live online between 6.30 am and 9 am Adelaide (South Australia) time. And for you lazy skuts who don’t know what time that would be, here is a time converter of your very own.
Sorry for the shameless self-promotion, but I’m feeling a little bit of post-Christmas blues, and I’d like to think that someone other than my parents is listening. Makes getting up at 4 in the fucking morning a tad more bearable, somehow.
Happy merries, all.
Thlayli said,
December 25, 2007 at 12:24
Next time you’re in Applebee’s, a purveyor of Pepsi products, take a look at the Happy Hour menu. One of the items is listed as “rum and cola”.
Ah, marketing.
Smut Clyde said,
December 25, 2007 at 12:40
I’d like to think that someone other than my parents is listening
Sorry, Qetesh, but our invitation to stay with my sister & her family would not be renewed, if I used up her monthly allowance of broadband connection.
I’ve never seen a moving picture of Hogfather, and I’d really like to.
It’s available on DVD (in the UK). And there’s always Bit-torrent…
NobodySpecial said,
December 25, 2007 at 13:12
Merry Christmas, Sadly Nobodies. Bask in the nonradience of my nonjudgement.
Krassen said,
December 25, 2007 at 15:36
qetesh,
I am new to Australia and here’s a legitimate question that we didn’t have in America… Should we celebrate X-Mas Eve here, or not? We did, out of habbit, and then the next morning, all hung-over and stuff, I turn on CNN and see Breaking News: The Pope Ushers in X-Mas!
Then it hit me that I got drunk long before baby Jeebus was supposed to be born, being like 10 time zones ahead of Jerusalem…
It’s so confusing… Why is there noAustralian Joseph Smith to claim that he has seen some golden plates that say Jeebus was born in Adelaide, so that I don’t get confused…
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 25, 2007 at 16:33
Not a creature was stirring…
Invigilator said,
December 25, 2007 at 17:04
Krassen — I think you can celebrate Christmas whenever you want, since there’s no evidence that this Yeshua fellow was born anytime near December 25.
It’s an open question, though, whether it’s better to be hungover or drunk when you see the Pope.
As a now-sober ex-drunk, I avoid him whenever possible. Yep, if I saw him coming down the hall, I’d just turn right around. Cut him dead.
Carol said,
December 25, 2007 at 17:11
Yes, it’s me, Dr BLT, not a poser like Troll, the Ancient Yuletide Carol
Dear Doctor, I am neither troll nor ancient. You are simply filled with envy that Chuck Berry didn’t write a song for you. And you SHOULD be. hmph.
gbeneezer said,
December 25, 2007 at 17:23
The idea of an S,N! dating service is a good one.
I don’t know, the only dating I’ve participated in lately involved trying to determine my half-life.
bah humbug.
gbeneezer said,
December 25, 2007 at 18:05
Qetesh, if I read that time converter correctly, your 12/26 show should be on in the middle of the afternoon Christmas day here in MN. If you have to get up at 4 in the fucking morning you probably won’t be checking in here, but if you do, can I request ‘Celebrated Summer’ by Husker Du? I should be able to listen to your 26th and 27th shows.
Husker Du used to live in the same neighborhood as I did in the early 80’s and I’d run into Grant Hart at the local used record store. The first couple gigs they played at Seventh Street Entry in Minneapolis was as the opening act for the band I was in called Fine Art (tongue firmly in cheek about that name). This is more a function of how old I am rather than how hip I am, lol. I didn’t really like their ‘Land Speed Record’ era stuff.
Just me and the two cats here too today (one is on my lap right now). My dad died right before Christmas last year, so my sisters were in town a lot last ‘holiday season’. This year they’re all staying home with their families and in-laws and I’ve been in a mood to ignore the whole thing. I’m just glad to have a reason to stay home for a couple of days.
Gavin M. said,
December 25, 2007 at 18:21
Husker Du - ‘Celebrated Summer,’ live in Finland, 1987 (2:08)
Is this embedding ok?
(URL here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVKRZ7kPcC0)
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 18:26
Worked fine Gavin. Thanks a bunch.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 25, 2007 at 18:27
Qetesh–why yes, I sure am. Boy is this video going to wreak havoc. I thought “Do You Love Me” to be perfect for such an attention whoring video. I haven’t really just thrown together something on video instead of going to bed like I should before, and stayed up way too late. But I got Stephen Colbert’s book under the tree this morning, and am a happy camper now.
IMHO, Australia can never be thanked enough for introducing Lammingtons to the world. Or Tim Tams. I have given them up (for the Holy Sacrament of the Bikini Wearing), but ahhh, the glorious memories.
Merry Christmas everyone! (I would have said that in the video instead of the “Happy Holidays” so hated by the “War on Christmas” crowd, but dammit, not all of our troops are Christians, and New Years’ isn’t Christian and is a holiday, so well, I went for accuracy. Just like Colbert.)
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 25, 2007 at 18:45
As I said before, we totally need an SN dating service.
Could we have a “looks not important” division? (finally, an ideology I can get behind!)
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:06
No Fine Art here in ANY sense of the word, but a great overview (in movie trailer form) of the Minneapolis music scene in the late 80’s. I’d never seen this video before today and I’m amazed at how cool it is, despite all the important (to Mpls at least) bands that aren’t included. Steve McClellan was the the hippest and smartest scrooge ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUGpDlJYQTE
Smiling Mortician said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:20
Like most of the net, doesn’t seem to be a helluva lot of youngish, single females here.
Although this may be an unfounded assumption, ADB. (Hey, just trying to bring this dating-service tangent back in line with the original thread topic.) It strikes me that the default assumption about commenters whose screen names aren’t gender-specific is that they’re male.
Anyway, yeah. I’m just back from warm sunny places and totally jet-lagged and a wee bit hung over, so life is good. Merry stuff, y’all.
STH said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:21
That’s my division, too, P.A.T. The only clique I’ve ever fit into.
Not a lot of stroking at the moment, though. Where’d that damn cat get to?
STH said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:27
Yeah, I don’t know what the gender mix is here, either. I deliberately chose a gender-neutral screen name because I wanted people to listen to what I have to say (or whatever the online equivalent is of that expression), but I’m a 43-year-old female.
And I just found out the other day that people use “STH” to refer to “Stairway to Heaven.” W00t!!1!
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:31
Notorious–well, considering what I just did maybe everyone could use YouTube. We could all start a YouTube group and post the “dating” videos there. There’s no real need to appear in one’s own video, my generally preferred method, actually, for those in the “looks not important” category. Or there’s that software that makes you a talking dinosaur….LOL.
Why do I love starting trouble so much? Has there been some sort of “syndrome” named for the constant need to start trouble…ROFL….cause I’m on a real roll lately.
Jillian said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:32
Seeing as I’ll be 35 in just five days, I think I’m going to start referring to myself as “middle aged”. Hey, if I only live to be 70, it will be a completely accurate statement, won’t it?
I just like the thought of being old because it then renders socially acceptable my utter crotchety-ness.
Merry whatevers, guys!
Dave Bowman said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:36
Thanks for tha First Ave link–memories!
Since the trailer mentioned the Suburbs, but didn’t show them, here’s a link to the ‘Burbs’ ‘Love is the Law’:
http://www.youtube.com/v/yNx1i8Gx3hM&rel=1
MrWonderful said,
December 25, 2007 at 19:46
All:
It’s 9:43 on Xmas morn here in LA. By my imprecise calculations, our own Qetesh will be on-air at noon LA time. (Adelaide is, somehow, 18.5 hours ahead of our time. Explain THAT, Swank.)
My Real Player has downloaded the necessary plug in and everything.
Merry/Happy to all. We’ll deal with the wishes for the New Year when we get there.
STH said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:00
This is OT, but seems somehow appropriate for this crowd.
There’s a winery in Walla Walla, WA, that makes a brand of wine called Hiney, and they’ve been playing the following jingle on the radio (sung to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Xmas”):
We wish you a happy hiney
we wish you a happy hiney
we wish you a happy hiney
and a good end to the year
your friends all want your hiney
your friends all want your hiney
your friends all want your hiney
so give it to them, it’s that time of year!
they won’t go until they get some
they won’t go until they get some
they won’t go until they get some
so give them hiney wine this year!
(Too bad the vocal is so awful that I have to lunge for the radio to turn it off every time the commercial comes on.)
Gary Ruppert said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:04
The fact is, here in the Heartland we celebrate the birth of Jesus and all that is good about USA. You liberals can go worship Satan Claus or the Kwanzas or whatever it is tolerant multicultis do. We will stand with tradition and values.
NobodySpecial said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:09
Seeing as I’ll be 35 in just five days, I think I’m going to start referring to myself as “middle aged”. Hey, if I only live to be 70, it will be a completely accurate statement, won’t it?
I just like the thought of being old because it then renders socially acceptable my utter crotchety-ness.
Merry whatevers, guys!
Damn kids! I don’t even HAVE a lawn!
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:09
And I just found out the other day that people use “STH” to refer to “Stairway to Heaven.” W00t!!1!
Better count your blessings. If you were “HTS” you’d be “Hairway to Steven”. I can’t remember offhand which band used that title…
My ad will read 53yo male bear seeks same. I have a picture of me eating pie that I could post with it.
My ex is a wonderful cook and this year decided to bake a pie for the MN State Fair contests. The pie had to be at the fair office by 10:00 sharp or it wouldn’t be accepted. His first attempt had a visual flaw so he had to make a last ditch attempt on the morning of the deadline, and he asked me to drive him to the fairgrounds so that he could focus ALL of his attentions on keeping the pie perfect.
I arrived at his house, but the pie hadn’t finished baking to perfection yet, so we stalled until the very last second to leave for the fairgrounds. Gary held the pie in his lap while I used every shortcut I could think of to get to the fairgrounds, knowing that we would have to go thru a security checkpoint to get to the food building. When we got to the grounds, I told Gary to hang on tight to the pie while I was trying to spot the gate. At the last second, I saw the gate and tapped the brakes to slow for the turn. Gary lurched and I heard a splat. I stopped the truck to a stunned silence. The scene of crust and berry guts on the floor mat was horrific and all I could do was apologize and fight back tears. Gary suddenly started laughing and offered the self-judgement that the pie had likely been too underbaked to win an award anyway.
We drove back to Gary’s to clean out the truck, but the temptation to eat pie that hadn’t touched the floormat was just too tempting to resist I dug in with my fingers, and it indeed was a most remarkable pie, a most wonderful pie.
Like I said, I have pictures.
NobodySpecial said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:10
Oh, and Happy BDay early. 8)
mikey said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:11
Ah, happy christmas morn, sadlys. Coffee, punkin pie (I like Pie!) and cranberry bread for breakfast. The remaining peeps from christmas eve sitting around laughing. Sparkling sunshine and shiny new toys. Another celebration of the birth of the ghost of an ancient, executed jewish political criminal.
Life is good…
gbeneezar said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:25
Damn!! I’m trying to pull up the live stream of Qetesh’s station and I can’t get it on my about-to-crap-out computer. Mr. Wonderful, are you sure you have the LA broadcast time right? By my calcs, it should be on at about 4:00 LA time instead. If you’re right then I’ve already missed most of it. Not good.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:26
The same back atcha, mikey.
And Happy almost Birthday, Jillian. Join the middle-aged clube, I’ve been in it for thirteen years, by your count. (Longer, if crotchety-ness is the main determinant.)
Dave Bowman said,
December 25, 2007 at 20:28
In case you were wondering…
WHY JESUS IS GREATER THAN SANTA CLAUS
Santa lives at the North Pole.
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh.
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year.
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies.
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited.
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.
You have to wait in line to see Santa.
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap.
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn’t know your name, all he can say is “Hi little boy or girl, what’s your name?”
JESUS knew your name before you did.
Not only does He know your name,
He knows your address too.
He knows your history and future and
He even knows how many hairs are on your head.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly.
JESUS has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO.
JESUS offers Health, Help and Hope.
Santa says “You better not cry.”
JESUS says “Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.”
Santa’s little helpers make toys.
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa