22
No Pajamas, No Editors, No Rules
Thanks to the always excellent uggabugga, we find out that Annie Jacobsen continues, inexeplicably, to be asked to write on the topic of planes and darkies:
Five crop-duster planes have crashed on the terror-plagued island of Mindanao in a short period of time. Annie Jacobsen says that while it may feel like Mindanao is half a world away, the islands plantations are linked to the international food supply chain. Is it time to start worrying about whats being sprayed on your bananas?
People! The plantations are linked to the international food supply chain — not a part of it though, linked to it.
Most people in the Untied [sic] States are familiar with the concept of the crop duster threat-that spray planes could be used to disperse chemical or biological agents into the food supply chain.
And what better way to disperse chemical or biological agents into the food supply chain than by blowing up crop dusters.
The world’s banana consumer would be wise to wonder, what’s being sprayed on my banana?
That reminds us of this banana:
a different brad said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:19
But but but Jonah says caring at all about the nature of what you eat is fascist. PJ Media is saying we have to go to Whole Foods to stop the islamoplaguebananafascists. But the corner sez Whole Foods is fascist.
Why do Mommy and Daddy have to fight?
t4toby said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:24
If I had a dollar for every time I have asked myself this question…
TRex said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:25
The world’s banana consumer would be wise to wonder, what’s being sprayed on my banana?
Honestly, this is my first thought upon awakening EVERY DAY.
MzNicky said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:26
I think you guys just look for a reason to play that atheist banana clip.
JasonC said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:28
no, it’s only fascist to care about what cargill sprays on your bananas, not brown people.
t4toby said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:29
And why wouldn’t they, Mrs. Nicky?
Candy said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:30
Hey, I ate a banana yesterday. Now I have a terrible upper respiratory infection. Oh, noes! Could it be something more . . . sinister?!?!11!?
No more than I deserve for eating like a vegenazi. If I survive, it will be nothing but cheez curlz and mountain dew for me from now on.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:35
Well, that’s a bit egotistical. The whole banana-eating world has to be concerned with this one banana now?
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:37
Yeah. I know I worry most about the bananas, since the only thing on them that would get sprayed with anything is the part you peel off and throw away.
Christ on a cracker. My first trip to Europe was the summer after the soviets had the big meltdown at Cherynobl (Chernyoble? WTF, I can’t spell Russkie) and there were very valid concerns about fresh produce, what was safe to eat and what wasn’t. Since the bananas were from halfway around the world, they were the safest fruit choice, and I ate a lot of them that summer.
These n00bs aren’t talking about radioactive fallout, though, in which case the thick skin of the banana wouldn’t stop radiation from migrating into the fruit itself – they’re talking about chemical or biological agents which would settle onto the outer skin of the fruit which – duh! – people don’t eat.
Out of everything that gets sprayed onto food, what gets sprayed on bananas is the least of our worries.
J— said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:37
Jacobsen:
That Philippine Star article is from Saturday, December 8, 2007. From it we get this:
The Thursday mentioned would be Thursday, December 6, 2007, and the crash that San Felix comments on would be the one Jacobsen says officials have yet to comment on.
Also from the Star article:
The world’s third-largest banana-producing area. That’s a big link.
And who’s making all that fog?
t4toby said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:39
Maybe bananas are the least of your worries, but my banana dominates much of my thinking.
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:40
Damn. Now that I’ve actually watched the video…I seriously kept wondering when he was going to get to the part about how “the vagina was designed for the penis” and how the arse is an “exit ramp” only.
TRex said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:41
Yeah, t4toby’s banana occupies a great deal of my thinking as well.
Blue Buddha said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:42
If that were the case, God would’ve put an arrow pointing downward above the anus, and “One Way” written across it.
Chairman Meow said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:43
“The tip is designed for ease of entry into the mouth…”
And I thought these guys were against anything but the missionary position.
Oh, they were talking about the banana.
Bistroist said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:45
However, what is sprayed on t4t’s banana occupies far less of my thinking than some other prepositions I could mention.
Rafar said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:45
“I think you guys just look for a reason to play that atheist banana clip.”
Good, I’ve never seen it. Or the peanut butter clip. Or
Mmmm, Peanut butter and banana sammich…
Bye now.
PS, Islamofascist crop spraying banana infecting crash monkeys? Ah hell, why not. I’m hanging on for the Islamofacist giant tarantulas.
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:47
Just when you thought they couldn’t top Saddam’s imaginary Dr. Evil plot to fly remote-controlled balsa wood model planes over our houses to spray us with anthrax…..
Bistroist said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:47
EIGHT LEGGED FAREEKS!!one!
Blue Buddha said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:48
Yes, we have no bananas
a different brad said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:48
But Jennifer, you’re assuming they aren’t ……
dirty bananas.
I wish goopy would migrate here.
Him and keefer can be spotted at blogs for victory now and then.
owlbear1 said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:51
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:51
Exactly how many former denizens of Scrutator are hereabouts? I wouldn’t mind seeing goopy myself. Dude’s a genius…it would be damn hard to convincingly pretend to be that dumb, though he tipped his hand every so often. I couldn’t have done half as well.
evilchemistry said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:52
You’re not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It should flow out, like this – “Look, man, I ain’t fallin’ for no banana in my tailpipe!” See, that’s more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long.
Bistroist said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:57
Yes, we have no bananas
So, I tiptoed over to youtube to try and find this:
But all I could find was this.
a different brad said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:57
Hmmmm, not many, not that there are too many former denizens to begin with. Principal Blackman knew the site, tho if s/he has told me who they were there, if a real presence I’ve blanked on it.
Most of the folk from that site tried starting a more normal blog, but it didn’t catch on.
The real shame of scrutator is that all the comments were lost, which means goopy’s comment as george bush on how 9/11 changed everything, in response to my challenging him to sneak a nuclear bomb across the border in his butt, is lost. That was a true classic.
The Late Mitch Hedberg said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:58
On a traffic light red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. But on a banana it’s the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead and red means “Where the fuck did you get that banana at?”
cleter said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:59
so, if the banana was custom-made by god for us to eat, I guess we shouldn’t be eating lobsters. Or cows, for that matter. Neither of those fit comfortably in the hand.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:03
I guess we shouldn’t be eating lobsters.
Well as Jews we don’t.
Neither of those fit comfortably in the hand.
Speaking of what fits comforably in the hand oh forget it.
Beavis said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:16
Huh, huh— “A point at the top for ease of entry…”
Uh, huh,huh, huh — “perfect shape for the human mouth…”
GWAR!!!!
jeff said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:26
Shalom, gentlepersons.
The banana is not gay is G*D’s fruit. Liberal fasciests mistake the penis for the banana. Put the banana, not the dick, up uor asses. It even bends the right way. Only liberal faschiests like you put the dick in your asses: which explains hitlers’.
stryx said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:29
Beware the Black Sigatoka.
And I swear I didn’t make this up:
The seedless banana cannot reproduce sexually, and has only been able to survive for some 10,000 years through vegetative propagation by side shoots (suckers).
Chairman Meow said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:33
Jeff,
(1) How would you know it bends the right way?
Oh. Never mind.
(2) Plural Hitler(s), huh? Interesting.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:37
Terrorists is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
Annie Jacobsen ain’t no holla-back girl.
jeff said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:39
Sorry, that was me being a fake troll. I’ll not elaborate on 1), but as for 2), it’s hitlers’ (plural possessive).
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:51
Come mister Taliban and tally me banana
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
Work all night, load the poison on de plane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
Creatin’ teh Caliphate with andromeda strain
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
So we fly toward banana field in da plane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
But we get lost in the fog, crash into the sugar cane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
Come mister taliban and tally me banana….
mikey
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:52
Jeff, our trolls are have gotten so embarrassingly crappy, we’ll pretty much fall for any fake troll at this point.
There’s just no quality control…
mikey
bpower said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:53
So Al Qaeda’s plan is
1) Crash crop dusters into banana plantations
2) ?????
3) Global Caliphate
Oh, they’re a wily bunch.
jeff said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:56
Mikey, I’m singing the song with your lyrics…which are an improvement on the original.
J— said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:00
Ha, good one, mikey. Can you do a send-up of Alpha Blondy’s “Banana”?
stryx said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:00
the islands plantations are linked to the international food supply chain
Why, yes they are:
“Fever, vomiting and skin rashes have also occurred after exposure, with 62 percent of those interviewed saying they have received an actual ‘pesticide shower’ during aerial fumigation.”
Just not in the way the PajamaPeople had in mind.
Chairman Meow said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:12
Sorry, Hitler-in-plural just got to me: “Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only seeing singing Hitlers…”
Very odd trollbait, I know.
cleter said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:22
Godammit, I need some guidance! It’s dinner time and I don’t know what to eat!
So, we can only eat foods designed by the Lord to fit in our hands? Bananas? Hot dogs? No on the lobster? What about hand-sized sea creatures? Jumbo shrimp? Little squidlets? Can we eat corn if it’s not on the cob?
Righteous Bubba said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:32
Godammit, I need some guidance! It’s dinner time and I don’t know what to eat!
Put a buncha stuff into a blender and then inject it into bananas. You’re welcome.
cleter said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:34
Thank you.
I’ve decided to eat cranberry bread and drink rum
Hattie said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:59
Thank goodness I can grow my own. Bananas, that is. And they are god’s most perfect food.
Crissa said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:10
Augh.
I don’t even understand what this is about. So … planes crashed. IE, didn’t spray on the crops. And even if they did spray something on the crops, it’s a crop we don’t eat the husk of. And if they sprayed something on a crop a world away that did affect the edible part of it…
…I can’t imagine that bananas could be used to poison all that many people. They’re not a staple. Even this ‘third largest growing place’ makes such a tiny percentage of the world – or our country’s – food that it’s just…
Augh.
What?
Tara the anti-social social worker said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:24
Mikey, you forgot the chorus:
Sadly, no! Sadly no-o-o-o!
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
whetstone said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:26
“’Sabotage is impossible,” ATO official Frederick San Felix, told The Philippine Star.”
This sounds a lot like something the FBi would say. The same way they always say, “Terrorism is ruled out,” when something fishy happens here. I agree with Spook. The Bureau is on the ground in Mindanao. They don’t want people freaking out and canceling their orders for bananas.
So when a terrorist files a something-laden cropduster on a suicide mission into a banana crop so that the bananas that aren’t squished end up at Whole Foods and kill a bunch of fascists, we can blame Dole for the cover-up.
As we speak there’s a tense meeting with Dick Cheney, David Addington, Joe Lieberman, and some PR guys from Dole, and Lieberman’s all like INVADE NOW and the Dole guys are like WHAT ABOUT THE BANANA ORDERS?
whetstone said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:32
Besides, only fascists worry about what’s being sprayed on their bananas. Real conservative patriots eat whatever the fuck’s on the banana, whether it’s DDT or DEET or aerosolized grippe or weaponized lyme disease.
Refj said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:33
Could someone point out to that tool how many generations of selective breeding it took to produce that banana, which looks, feels, and tastes NOTHING like those occurring wild.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:34
The fact is, I hope liberals are really worried about whats on their food and don’t eat it. Here in the heartland, we know the food supply is safe and needs various preservatives and pesticides to make it ready for consumption, we are reality based.
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:40
Oh, baby, we need to make a blog called “Gary Don’t Eat That”!
mikey
jeff said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:48
Here in the heartland, we don’t care a whit what happens to our children, and goddamnit, we are not going to look into what we feed them!
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:53
It is common knowledge that the Japanese kamikaze pilots in WWII were told that their targets were large offshore banana plantations. This provided the motivation necessary for them to complete their missions.
J— said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:55
Now they’re targeting the rice!
Saul said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:55
The bottom line is, g-bear is a fudge-packer.
Larry said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:05
At the end of the day, you liberals are the ones eating fruit, because you are fruity, like gays. Real Americans from the Heartland eat American food, like Hamburgers, and the only plants we eat are Corn, when it’s made into Syrup.
Anne Laurie said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:20
If I survive, it will be nothing but cheez curlz and mountain dew for me from now on.
From what I know of wingnuts, anything you order from a drive-thru window is also considered safe.
Semi-seriously… our house is located on not one but two groundwater-contamination Superfund sites. We had to get a waiver from the EPA, and promise not to dig a well on our 75×80-foot lot, before our mortgage was approved. And yet I was assured by a friend in civil engineering that the real difference between our property and that of 98% of New England is that we have a fairly accurate tally of the crud we’re sitting on…
Since New England’s main native crop is rocks, I grow my edibles (mostly tomatoes) in planters full of imported topsoil anyway. But if you’re curious about plant uptake of contaminants from soil — which is about 10 million times more liable to be Ms. Jacobsen’s problem than phantom terr-rists in crop dusters — root crops concentrate the most, followed by stems, then leaves, then fruits. So tomatoes, or bananas, are “safer” than lettuce, which are safer than broccoli, and potatoes are the Most Dangerous Vegetable.
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:32
And if you need any more proof that potatos (Dan Quayle made his famous mistake in St Paul. We remember) are the most dangerous vegetable, you should watch this how-to about projectile tubers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpAJOPzKK-M
Smut Clyde said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:38
“I’ve always thought,” said Rainsford, “that the Cape gooseberry is the most dangerous of all vegetables.”
For a moment the general did not reply; he was smiling his curious red-lipped smile. Then he said slowly, “No. You are wrong, sir. The Cape gooseberry is not the most dangerous vegetable.” He sipped his wine. “Here in my preserve on this island,” he said in the same slow tone, “I grow more dangerous plants.”
Arky - Fascistianata said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:39
And all banana jokes wilt in shame.
Gotta go, someone wants to know why I’m yucking it up in here.
Smut Clyde said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:40
Oh, baby, we need to make a blog called “Gary Don’t Eat That”!
D.Sidhe has it well in hand.
larkspur said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:42
Huh. Five crop-duster planes crashed?
How many swarthy men were on the original Terror In The Skies flight that launched Annie’s career? Yes, I know they were musicians on their way to a gig. But how many gigs have they been able to get post-Annie? Wouldn’t that drive any swarthy musical guy to consider career alternatives? Is it irresponsible to posit…crop-dusting?
Come mister Taliban and tally me banana
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
Work all night, load the poison on de plane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
Creatin’ teh Caliphate with andromeda strain
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
So we fly toward banana field in da plane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel
But we get lost in the fog, crash into the sugar cane
Daylight come, time to kill the infidel…
Makes me want to dance. What does Mikey know, and when did he know it? And did he sadly know?
Me said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:04
“The Untied States”.
I kind of wish I’d thought of that myself. That would make a hell of a bumpersticker.
MileHi Hawkeye said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:27
Sometimes a banana is just a banana….
Arky - Fascistianata said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:20
It is my considered and not 100% sober opinion that the video would be a lot better if the guy in the green shirt were the one giving the banana demo.
HAppy Solstice Pagans & Paganinis!
desertwind said,
December 22, 2007 at 9:29
Boy! Those Syrian bongo players sure blew Annie’s mind. Was she this nutty before she ran screamin’ from the plane?
Chuck Butcher said,
December 22, 2007 at 11:51
for some reason after listening to the banana riff I can’t get the picture out of my mind of a Hereford with perforations…pull on the dotted line. ?Mooo?
I’ve stayed up too late and read too many of you goofy bastards and now I’ve got that picture stuck in my head? that and waiting for the other guy to jump him when he started talking about just the right shape and sticking it…..
Smut Clyde said,
December 22, 2007 at 13:28
a Hereford with perforations
Damn fine title for a song.
Happy Baldurmus, Sadlynauts. Don’t the Man spray on your bananas.
Ted said,
December 22, 2007 at 14:02
That’s Kirk Cameron. From Growing Pains.
Ted said,
December 22, 2007 at 14:07
The video is actually the best when heard and not seen. You keep hearing snippet phrases like, “won’t squirt in your face”, “ease of entry”, “the right shape for the human mouth”, etc. And then of course at the beginning: “Hold this, Kirk.”
Smut Clyde said,
December 22, 2007 at 20:40
An Aberdeen Angus with mild abrasions,
A Simmental with intussusception,
A Hereford with perforations…
Further song lyrics will follow.
Chuckles said,
January 3, 2008 at 19:28
The funny thing about bananas is that apes eat them using the “soda pop tab” as a handle, not a pull tab. I wonder if Creationists are now claiming that apes are actively flaunting God’s plan for proper bananas eating. If the apes are actively flaunting God’s will, does that mean they have free will too? I thought humans were the only creations with free will?