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Destroy-Christmas Plan — Thwarted!1!!!
Hi, I’m Erick Erickson, co-founder of RedState — formerly a major conservative blog, and now, via wingnut welfare, a subsidiary of Eagle Publishing (i.e., the right-wing bulk-sales scammers, Regnery). In this, the Christmas season, it is necessary for us each year to claim that ZOMG, there’s a war going on — a War On Christmas:
Okie Attorney General Bans Christmas. Seriously.
Drew Edmondson is the out of control Oklahoma Attorney General. Recently he rounded up conservative activists and threw them in jail for circulating petitions to get conservatives on the ballot.
Now, however, Drew Edmondson has done something even nuttier. He has issued an advisory opinion from the Attorney General’s Office directing universities in Oklahoma to refrain from using the word “Christmas.”
Mark Tapscott with the Washington Examiner has the details. Mark notes, “Edmondson’s issued an advisory opinion to officials at Southwestern Oklahoma State University in Weatherford advising them that the word “Christmas” should not be spoken by any employee of the state school, not written in any official holiday decorations.”
Attorney General Edmondson can be reached at [redacted]. Call and wish him a Merry Christmas and ask why he banned the word.
Hi, I’m Ed “Cap’n Ed” Morrissey of the major conservative blog, Captain’s Quarters. Long appreciated as among the reasonable few of conservative bloggers, I am only occasionally daffy and in dispossession of my reason, such as when I get upset about something. In this, the Christmas season, the relative value of my less-nutsity has risen to laurel me as a solon of prudential forbearance among so-called ‘conservatives’ (who are actually radically woo-woo wacky all the way around the block, except definitely don’t quote me on this, heh-heh). Um. Quod erat demonstrandum:
Oklahoma Cancels Christmas (Update: No They Didn’t)
UPDATE: I’m putting this at the top because early callers to the AG’s office claims this isn’t true, and they are wishing people a Merry Christmas when greeting callers. So I called there myself, and spoke with Emily Lang, spokesperson for the AG. Ms Lang confirms that they are greeting callers with “Merry Christmas” as a means of refuting this story. AG Edmundson did not issue this order, she insists; they are checking with assistant AGs to see if the advisory ever existed at all. At any rate, the AG does not believe state workers should refrain from Christmas greetings.
Ms. Lang wants people to know that they have a Christmas tree in the office, and hopes everyone has a Merry Christmas.
And yes, I consider this sloppy work on my part. My apologies to readers and the Oklahoma AG’s office. Original post follows ….
Hrah! You thwarters of our plan will crushed under the pine-scented runners of our fell and deadly sleigh! Your stockings will hold dreidels and Halal beef jerky and a statuette of Lord Ganesh! Your gift is an Elmo Knows Your Name in which your name is. . .Mohammed, or current resident!
Foolish Morrissey, we will cause the death of Christmas in different ways. (!!1!!!!one1)
[Coming soon: Photos of the Christmas in the City party.]
[Hanx! Seeing The Forest.]
Update: Cap’n Ed adds:
The sad denizens of Sadly, No! have decided that they can’t take a retraction with any grace and have instead focused their keen political insight on my hair and my weight. How … impressive. It’s nice to see that the middle schools have let out early for Christmas.
We did not! What are you talking about, you only-intermittently-crazy conservative person?
Update II:
But since he’s already accused us of it, I guess we might as well oblige him?
Got a sammich ready, Gavin?
You know, it’s objectively amazing what one can find in the unused-picture archives. Ok, Ed:
Above: Fixing it
God, what do we ever do around here but help people with things?
Update III: Ed replies:
Well, that’s better than Mother Nature treated me.
Above: Um, where’s our retraction, dude?
Ex-Fed said,
December 21, 2007 at 18:52
The comments are precious. “The fact that we rushed to an incorrect judgment on this issue merely shows how downtrodden we are as Christians in this anti-Christian society.”
Patkin said,
December 21, 2007 at 18:53
“The fact that we were wrong is central to my point!”
dBa said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:00
The right has been pulling these kinds of stunts on Edmondson for years here in Oklahoma, I think it’s because he jails criminals or something.
El Cid said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:01
So is it also not true that Attorney General Edmonson ordered all grade school teachers to break out the Panzikorps Plan, which would force children to perform homosexual acts and abortions on stage while shouting about how Christians should die in order to let Muslim trees run our polluting industries?
Crap, guess I’ll have to de-activate my citizen journalist flying stalking squads and call them back in from kitchen-spying.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:03
Merry Cunt everybody!
tb said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:04
That’s pretty much the battle cry of your modern conservative.
BillyD said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:05
http://www2.spindle.net/rmenoher/yaksax.mid
tb said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:08
Holy God, that Morrisey picture didn’t load at first. Looks like he’s milking that last can of spray-on hair to the very end.
Slim Tyranny said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:14
The comments are precious. “The fact that we rushed to an incorrect judgment on this issue merely shows how downtrodden we are as Christians in this anti-Christian society.”
————————————-
That can’t possibly be a real quote. I call shenanigans.
Ex-Fed said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:15
No, it was a characterization of the comments.
tigrismus said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:18
That better be tempeh jerky, or Herr Simmons will drum you out of the brownish (unbleached hemp) shirts.
Jemand von Niemand said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:19
I begin to believe that most, if not all, Very Public Wingnuts like Morrisey are tubby white men — who could all stand in for Santa at the Mall if called upon. They wouldn’t even need padding. Only man-bras.
That’s the real Secret Of Christmas — these Chunky Keyboard Warriors defend the sacredness of the holiday with such fervor, because it means they’ll have a job at least two weeks out of the year after the economy really tanks.
gbear said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:22
Very Public Wingnuts like Morrisey are tubby white men — who could all stand in for Santa at the Mall if called upon.
As a non-wingnut who could stand in for Santa at the mall, I resent that comment.
J— said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:22
This is a real quote from the Red State thread:
Some Guy said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:25
God damn, it’s so fucking awesome when your browser think “backspace key” = “Go back to last webpage”
Fuck.
Anyways, well what the hell does one expect from extreme far-left liberal Oklahoma?
Also, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qsjfnyr9ec.
Jemand von Niemand said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:30
As a non-wingnut who could stand in for Santa at the mall, I resent that comment.
As a tubby white male who could stand in for Santa, I resemble that comment.
bob said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:51
When was Capt. Ed ever considered reasonable?
Ugly In Pink said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:55
Around the time I stopped being considered a moderate and became a wacky far-left moonbat. Remain still and the world moves around you.
Grand Moff Texan said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:56
The sad denizens of Sadly, No! have decided that they can’t take a retraction with any grace and have instead focused their keen political insight on my hair and my weight.
Well, I’d focus my keen insight on something else, but who the fuck is this guy? If only the man were of sufficient significance in this universe for me to know anything else about him.
As it is, there’s some obscure wingnut who’s fat, bald, and wrong. Yeah, like that narrows it down!
.
dBa said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:56
You’re right Ed, we shouldn’t concentrate on your Santa-worthiness. How many retractions have you issued since you voted for Bush? Let’s concentrate on those.
John O said,
December 21, 2007 at 19:56
That last bit was funny.
I would say we can be pretty clear now that the Captain is sensitive about his hair and weight.
Which is no big deal, but funny and interesting, still. Posting a picture is not “making fun of” unless in the demons of the subjects head, of course.
HTML Mencken said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:01
But since he’s already accused us of it, I guess we might as well oblige him?
Got a sammich ready, Gavin?
Gavin M. said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:02
Um, yes.
kingubu said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:06
Hey, when did “lookism” become part of the Wingnut issues list?
D.N. Nation said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:07
Perspective, Captain Ed. Perspective.
Posting a picture of you = Not mockery.
Posting a picture of you with a sammich = Slight mockery.
Some guy in a bar last night telling me I looked like a thinner version of Jonah Goldberg = The biggest offense I have ever heard in my life.
TRex said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:09
#
Gavin M. said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:02
Um, yes.
Yay! Cuntmas comes early!
Patkin said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:09
It’s weird, it’s like his hair follows you wherever you go in the room.
MzNicky said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:10
As it is, there’s some obscure wingnut who’s fat, bald, and wrong.
And whiny.
Marco said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:17
How do you take a retraction with grace anyway? Me no gets.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:19
How do you take a retraction with grace anyway? Me no gets.
You pee in the face of the retractor. Not my rule, it’s just the way it goes.
tb said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:20
So now he’s unhappy because of my remark about his spray-on looking hair. That’s too bad- if he wants to be a professional demagogue he’s going to have to take a few lumps personally. No hiding behind a phony “issue” for you, scratchy. Anyway, I’m surprised he has took the time to visit S,N!, what with busy holiday schedule of harassing civil servants with fraudulent charges of religious bigotry.
Doofus said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:21
I missed the part where SN called the shockingly obese and tub-shaped Morrisey fat and claimed his noggin had less hair than a newborn undergoing chemotherapy fresh from the barber shop.
But I doesn’t read so goods, so maybe idiot I am here.
Doodle Bean said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:29
Gentlemen,
I believe the reference to his weight and hair loss which Ed mentions is from the fact that you published his photo.
Y’know when someone is really, really, really touchy about something… or things? Yeah. It doesn’t take much to set that person off.
Shame on you for publicizing what Cap’n Ed looks like! Please keep up the good work!
Righteous Bubba said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:31
I think he looks jolly, and what’s wrong with that?
t4toby said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:33
How did his oil junket go, by the way?
Cause that hair looks like he might not’ve taken a shower since then.
Mmm, Oily!
Lesley said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:36
You give a man the gift of hair for Christmas and he complains??
Hattie said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:37
Did he not know what he looked like until this very moment???
Arky - Fascitanata said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:38
Someone tell Ed the planet’s Miserable Morrissey quota is currently being filled by this chap.
We’ll notify him if we experience a MM deficit.
(Note my complete silence on the issues of hair/weight)
tb said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:42
He looks like the photographer told him a dead homeless person joke to get him to smile.
tigrismus said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:44
Arky raises a good point, which leads me to wonder: if Morrisey thinks meat is murder, and Hitler was a vegetarian, doesn’t that prove Cpt. Ed is a fascist?
I hope everyone was able to keep up with my very serious, thoughtful argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care before now.
a different brad said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:44
The original blog whut “broke” this story is…. amusing.
Here it discusses having been wrong in its reporting, and why that error vindicates the “journalist” behind the “scoop”.
Can we start calling this move pulling a doughbob?
a different brad said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:46
From my own link
Leonard Pierce said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:49
I bet Ed doesn’t even have the good grace to thank you.
redhawk said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:51
My Gift to Pelosi and Reid, since we are in the MERRY CHRISTMAS mode is a Continuation of their Void Crania… Best gift for the Country!!!
Arky - Fascitanata said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:52
No, no, no. Far too complicated.
1. Ed’s last name is Morrissey.
2. The artist currently known as Morrissey is teh ghey.
3. He causes ghey-oxygenation by singing and ghey-oxidation by causing gheys to dance.
4. LoededHosen has shown that teh gheys are der fascists.
5. THAT’S what proves Cap’n Ed is a fascist.
Arky - Fascitanata said,
December 21, 2007 at 20:53
And if you disagree with me I’ll stomp on your face with a shiny DM boot 4-eva.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:04
Quick, somebody photoshop a Santa cap onto Ed’s head so we can get back to Goldberg’s book.
Ugly In Pink said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:04
Picture a birkenstock on a foot with daintily painted toes, mincing on a human face forever.
J— said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:04
John Hays, president of Southwestern Oklahoma State University (12/21/07):
So instead of focusing on all the end-of-semester stuff that has to get done at his university, President Hays has to deal with this idiocy.
stryx said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:16
From one of the Captain’s better albums:
I know I’m unloveable
You don’t have to tell me
Oh, message received
Loud and clear
pedestrian said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:21
Two things from Brad’s link:
This might sound bad, but fortunately most of the other Liberty Law grads are in the Justice Dept, where fact-checking is not only optional, it’s discouraged.
Ok, so he lied, but he’s gonna keep on lying until someone tells the truth, dammit!
Incidentally I heard that Tapscott likes to steal puppies from young children and rape them while they look on in horror. I have no doubt that this story is untrue, but someone must have said it, and until they reveal themselves, I will continue to report it.
Arky - Fascitanata said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:21
OMG! Could Cap’n Ed be the infamous “Suedehead”?
t4toby said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:23
Awww, Cappy, we all feel unloved from time to time.
I battle those feelings by trying to make the world a better place.
What’s your secret?
Spokane Moderate said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:23
That picture of Capt. Crunch just keeps getting better - kind of like the Ace O’ Spades (Heterosexual) logo.
Nimrod Gently said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:26
I think he’s referring to the spray on hair remark and the tubby white men remark in the comments. And nothing else whatsoever.
If you’re than sensitive, you probably shouldn’t broadcast your obnoxious opinions on the Internet. You fat bald bitch.
Stephen said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:27
Don’t you guys accept trackbacks?
Bob Owens strikes again!
J— said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:28
How it all got started, according to the Liberty Counsel:
From their “UPDATE on ‘Christmas’ Ban in Oklahoma” liberty alert (12/20/07). That’s what they call ‘em—liberty alerts.
dBa said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:35
“Some of the callers were quite upset,” Edmondson said. “The idea that a state official would ban Christmas just days before such a holy day obviously struck a chord with a number of people.
“The folks at the Liberty Counsel will find lumps of coal in their stockings on Christmas morning,” Edmondson said.
“That’s what Santa leaves for bad kids who tell lies.”
————————————————————————————
Don’t forget to check your stocking, Ed.
SamFromUtah said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:37
That’s what they call ‘em—liberty alerts.
Liberty Alerts go easier with a glass of Victory Gin.
J— said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:37
Warren Goldmann, hero (scroll down for his picture and bio).
Bistroist said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:39
Oh, Ed.
Close your eyes, and think of someone that you physically admire. And let me kiss you.
(Woo-oo-oh)
Tim (the other one) said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:43
I am so moving to Weatherford,OK. !
pedestrian said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:51
I love that RedState STILL hasn’t issued a retraction. Also this from the comments:
Fozzetti said,
December 21, 2007 at 21:56
Jemand von Niemand: Can you imagine D’oughboy as Santa? I can’t.
Fozzetti said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:02
“The sad denizens of Sadly, No! have …” Are we sad?
Five of Diamonds said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:05
It’s not a retraction until Captian Afro admits that the “War on Christmas” is a fallacious boogeyman, abusive of the concept of faith, used to manufacture a political result.
commie atheist said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:11
Merry Goddamn Christmas, you magnificent motherfucking bastards! And I say that with love.
over_educated said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:37
I believe we prefer the term “Sadly, Nobodies” as described in the above post.
To be honest that is the most clever thing I have heard from a wingnut in 7 years.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:39
Man, that ‘fro really thins Ed out. It really is the season for giving.
dBa said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:50
FoD, that puts me in mind of an author…can’t quite remember his name…something like Teigig Hoselast, who trivializes NAZI abuses in order to score political points.
They’ll never understand what they do.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:57
FoD, that puts me in mind of an author…can’t quite remember his name…something like Teigig Hoselast, who trivializes NAZI abuses in order to score political points.
Ahh. It’s spelled Orson Scott Card.
DAS said,
December 21, 2007 at 22:58
The picture after update #3 looks like any number of my relatives in the 1970s.
Spokane Moderate said,
December 21, 2007 at 23:08
The picture after update #3 looks like any number of my relatives in the 1970s.
You’re related to Sam Brownback? Condolences.
Lesley said,
December 21, 2007 at 23:18
bwahahaha, love update III. Transforming Ed into one of the furry freak brothers is some feat.
kingubu said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:34
All I can say re: update 3 is HOLY SHIT, there’s totally a whole dude poking out of that meteor’s ass!
binzinerator said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:28
Geez, update 3 looks like he’s got a Standard poodle’s ass wrapped around his head.
binzinerator said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:30
Tail’s missing, though. But don’t they usually dock Standards’ tails?
Left_Wing_Fox said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:56
I thought that was “Sadlynauts.”
In a week of headsplody crazy, this was appreciated. Tanks for the giggles!
John O said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:46
Indeed, where is the retraction, Cap’n?
Of all the conservative retards I scan, just to make sure S,N! isn’t making all this shit up, the Cap’n indeed strikes me as among the more reasonable.
But when your compatriots include Ann Coulter and Michael “The” Savage and any other number of complete racist xenophobic intellectually challenged retards, even, well, a morbidly obese person could clear the proverbial bar with a 6″ leap.
And McCain, who will win the GOP primary by default/process of elimination especially in a brokered convention, will still beat HRC.
Why? Because too many brain-wave-challenged people vote. Like, say, the Cap’n’s fans.
We are fucked up the ass like your average GOP homosexual basher.
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:54
Merry Cunt to all and to all a good night!
Gus said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:05
Has anyone said, “what does it say about Democrats that I believed this bullshit story”?
Joe said,
December 22, 2007 at 10:40
If the Captain had a ship named after Sir Francis Drake’s famous vessel, would he call his weblog The Captain’s Hindquarters?
james said,
December 23, 2007 at 8:25
the racism is as heartwarming as the holiday cheer.
actor212 said,
December 23, 2007 at 16:12
Why do Morrissey and Erickson look like they belong on some Megan’s Law website?
actor212 said,
December 23, 2007 at 16:18
solon of prudential forbearance
Ahhhhhhhh, that’s what Morrissey got upset about! In his mind, you called him a “prudish solo bear”…
Sadly, No! » Kiss-Ass Off the Starboard Bow said,
February 26, 2008 at 4:34
[...] Update II: HTML Mencken said: [...]