22
Colon Sniffs Dog
Alicia Colon, the Mary Shelley of Staten Island, is gracing the pages of the New York Sun with her eloquent defense of Duane “Dog” Chapman and his penchant for using the n-word.
When the chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, Roy Innis, invited me to join him at a luncheon with Dog the Bounty Hunter, I was slightly puzzled.
Of course, Alicia was puzzled since Chapman’s well-known epithet wasn’t aimed at Hispanics, and so she doesn’t really have a dog in the race, so to speak, about whether Dog should be Imus-ed and welcomed back to the airwaves with open (white and wannabe white) arms. You might want to read the above sentence by Alicia again because it is the last thing she says in her column that makes a whit of sense.
When I arrived at CORE’s Broadway office, the entire staff was posing for photographs with Dog and his wife, Beth Chapman. None of the predominantly African-American staff members appeared reluctant to pose with the alleged racist, and that’s because Mr. Chapman isn’t one.
Well, actually, if you know anything about CORE, they might be posing with Dog precisely because he is a racist. A little background on CORE:
In January 2005 CORE organised two events as their Dr Martin Luther King celebrations. One of these was … [a] reception at the New York Hilton Hotel where they honored, amongst others, Green Revolution scientist, Norman Borlaug, and neo-conservative, Karl Rove, George W. Bush’s election strategist and the man who oversaw black voter disenfranchisment in Florida and Ohio in the 2004 presidential election.
Past CORE invitees to their King Day celebrations are reported to have included Austrian politician and Nazi-sympathizer Jorg Haider, and right-wing radio host Bob Grant, who once called Dr. King a ‘scumbag’.
But Alicia has more on why Dog’s not a racist:
Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends. Getting offended by the “n” word actually depends on who is saying it. President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
Later on at lunch in the Village, I heard the full details of that infamous call and asked Mr. Chapman why he didn’t say more about the extenuating circumstances when he was on the “Larry King Live” show. He explained that he wanted to take responsibility for uttering those hateful words and that he didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Tucker’s girlfriend.
Since you’ve already lost 20 I.Q. points reading these excerpts of Alicia’s column, you may not have noticed the utter preposterousness of this explanation that Dog, who called his son’s girlfriend a n!@#$r, “didn’t want to do anything that would hurt” her. This means, best I can tell, that Dog thought the girlfriend was a shiftless crack ho (the “extenuating circumstances” that made it okay to call her a n!@#$r) but that it would be unduly hurtful to let her know that was why he was calling her a n!@#$r. Or something like that. We all should exhibit such finely-tuned consideration for the sensitivities of others.
Oh, and guess who CORE is inviting to its next Martin Luther King day celebration?
Incidentally, CORE …will hold its Martin Luther King celebration on January 21 at the Sheraton Hotel. A guest of honor will be Senator McCain; Duane “Dog” Chapman will be another special guest. This one may be a sellout.
It will certainly be a sellout, but not quite in the sense that Alicia hopes.
Quaker Oates said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:36
Mitt Romney will also be there. Figuratively, of course.
t4toby said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:42
sellout? McCain?
Freudian Slip?
Spokane Moderate said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:42
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
I’m afraid that will be impossible. After reading that paragraph, I not only forgot my attorney’s name, I forgot my *own* name.
Bistroist said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:43
Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends.
Ok, that’s pretty stupid, but still, about par for the course for wingnut apologetics. What’s next?
President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
Aba-… Hubba-… Ah… DOES NOT COMPUTE
She makes Goldberg look rational and coherent.
cleter said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:45
Yes, yes, Dog the Bounty Hunter. I’ve got my own problems. So, in this cake recipe, if I substitute chopped mission figs for chopped Calymyrna figs, would that be the end of the world? Would people know? Would people point and laugh, and make sport of me?
And Dog the Bounty Hunter’s real name is Duane? Huh. I thought he was doing time in that Mexican prison Jack Bauer was held in. What’s he doing going to luncheons?
Dan Someone said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:48
Does this mean blacks will consider Dog Chapman’s brother to be the first black bounty hunter?
Leonard Pierce said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:52
So, being related to someone who isn’t a racist makes you not a racist too! What a wonderful world.
cleter said,
December 22, 2007 at 0:56
Bill Clinton is black? Is Hillary black too? What about Huckabee? Is “black” some sort of hipster slang for Arkansan?
Bistroist said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:03
In that case, would Arkansan be the new black? I don’t really see that taking off…
Arkansan Sabbath
Back in Arkansas
Once you go to Arkansas, you never come back.
Actually, that last one may not be far off.
OTB said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:07
best post title evah
Duros62 said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:07
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
I only read the first sentence, then lost interest. Does that count? Will there be a class action thingy going on?
dBa said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:09
“President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president”
Umm, huh?
Candy said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:09
Well, Bistroist, the was the band Black Oak Arkansas. This doesn’t prove a connection between black and Arkansan. This is central to my point.
Candy said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:12
ahem s/b “There was the band” . . .
I plead fever and cold medicine. And vick’s vaporub fumes.
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:16
A guest of honor will be Senator McCain; Duane “Dog” Chapman will be another special guest. This one may be a sellout.
Don’t you love it when they write their own snark?
Perhaps we should drop CORE a note and suggest they also invite Macaca. He’d fit right in with the rest of the lineup, and he’s not too busy to show up.
islmfaoscist said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:23
Other guest speakers to be announced for this year’s annual Some Of My Best Friends luncheon include Kramer, George Allen, and former ESPN heavyweight Rusty Limpballs.
Christopher said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:24
I’m kind of tired of people saying “He’s not a racist, he just says and/or does things that hurt black people solely because they are black”
It’s surprising how much white people buy that argument.
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:29
I’m the designated racism/sexism/homophobia police at my workplace. It cuts it way down when people know there’s someone there who will call them out on it.
Matt T. said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:31
yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
See, this is a key phrase for me that marks the speaker as maybe not neccessarily an out-and-out racist, but at the very least completely clueless on the whole racial question and by-god determined to remain that way.
I know someone called Clinton something like “the first black/African-American president” but that doesn’t really mean all black people agree. That’s just friggin’ stupid, man.
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:35
Not only that, Matt T, but the underlying premise that blacks should have held the alleged sins of his brother against Clinton.
Matt T. said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:41
Jennifer,
I don’t know if the Clinton comparison is to tar Bill with Roger’s dumbassery so much as it’s the standard-ranch “But Clinton did it too!” magic words that wingnuts like this dippy Colon person seem to be convinced should instantly silence any argument from liberals because we all worship Clinton. It’s kind of like that Bugs Bunny cartoon with that vampire and Bugs says “hocus pocus” or “abra kadabra” and the vampire changes shape, and we’re supposed to be the vampire and agree with them because Clinton’s brother’s a dumbass redneck.
You don’t really think this Colon person really gives a flying fuck what black people think about Clinton, his impact on African-Americans, or, frankly, anything, do you?
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:45
No, you’re right…she just comes off as an incredibly sloppy writer. Which means sloppy thinker.
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:58
Well, Bistroist, the was the band Black Oak Arkansas.
Actually, under Bistoist’s premise, that would be “Arkansas Oak Arkansas”…
mikey
Hoosier X said,
December 22, 2007 at 1:59
White people are dumb.
Exhibit A …
White people.
Hoosier X said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:37
The white male is the Jew of Liberal Fascism.
Exhibit A …
Lampshade made of human skin.
Exhibit B
Mean liberals ridiculing Jonah’s book.
Happenstance said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:52
And lo, it came to pass that the sins of the brother were visited upon the, uh, other brother.
President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
Roger is an idiot racist; therefore, Bill is also an idiot racist.
Oh! It all makes complete senseless now.
DIP. SH*T.
Hattie said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:57
Take a look at this:
http://www.hawaiitribune-herald.com/articles/2007/03/07/local_news/local02.prt
Makes me feel sorry for them, actually.
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 2:58
I have this aunt who got strung out on brown tar heroin and kited a bunch of checks and is serving out a seven year sentence for all that stuff.
Does that mean I’m a check-kiting heroin addict?
‘Cause that would be, well, kind of weird.
Or does it only apply to brothers?
mikey
DocAmazing! said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:02
Alicia Colon…how appropriate.
Colon: an organ generally full of shit that occasionally noisily expels hot air that few find appealing.
Hoosier X said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:03
Think about it. The Liberal Fascists have pursued their program against the white male to the point where white males are prohibited by law from marrying each other in most states!
And the liberal fascists will try to tell there is no discrimination against the white male!
Shameless!
Tim (the other one) said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:25
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Dog’s mullet. It’s epic.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:31
The fact is, liberals are faggots.
g-ear-bay said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:37
& conservatives are closeted self loathing perverts. fuck off
Lesley said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:40
So if I call her Alicia Cobag, she won’t mind?
Saul said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:48
The bottom line is, Gary is right, liberals are faggots.
Saul said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:49
Liberals are a bunch of treasonous islamo-fascist sympithizers.
Saul said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:50
The bottom line is, g-bear is a butt-pirate.
Anne Laurie said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:54
Think about it. The Liberal Fascists have pursued their program against the white male to the point where white males are prohibited by law from marrying each other in most states!
I thank the Goddess of Consquences that I live in Massachusetts, where white males can marry each other, but the straight ones have better sense than to enter into a lifetime commitment where neither partner has the faintest idea where the other one might have left his keys, or his socks, or his car.
willis said,
December 22, 2007 at 3:56
“Dog” could care less about the effects of his commments. All he’s sweating is the loss of the sweet deal he had for that stupid show. I liked Field’s take on the matter (http://field-negro.blogspot.com/) asking A&E to rehire him; “we’re tired of hearing about how much he likes black people”.
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:03
Saul-o-rooter, Actually I’m a snuggle pirate. But then you’re too obsessed with plumbing to know anything about affection.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:06
Some say the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.
It’s central to my point and may bear repeating in subsequent threads.
Harry Nilsson said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:08
I guess the Lord must live in New York City.
You’ve got a point there.
pedestrian said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:23
*snuggles gbear*
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:40
Awww, thanks ped. I’m heading out shopping so if gbear shows up tonight he’s a fake. I seem to have struck a nerve with a troll.
ignobility said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:47
“Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends.”
I tried having a church as a friend, once, but it wasn’t very snuggly, and eventually I lost interest.
Fairy Ruppert said,
December 22, 2007 at 4:52
The fact is, conservatives are child molesters.
Al Sharpton said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:01
You see, a real black man like Snoop Dog, or me or Farakon have talked the talk and walked the walk.
But not Barack the magic negro who lives by the sea, they call him that because he’s black but not authentic me.
Psycheout said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:16
Exclusive! Photo of Mitt Romney with MLK surfaces. Take that, Mitt h8rs!
Lesley said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:20
comments in this thread split my sides open.
Lesley said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:22
bahahaha. If I was a relative, I’d give him a scrapbook of pix of himself for Christmas.
A. Colon said,
December 22, 2007 at 5:58
Did somebody mention sloppy seconds?!?!1
Michael Harrington said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:02
Tim (the other one) said,
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Dog’s mullet. It’s epic.
He looks in the mirror and sees Brock Samson. The rest of us see Deputy Dawg.
As noted, the saddest thing about CORE is that it was once a mighty, progressive organization. Look up the name James Farmer sometime, if you’re not already familiar with him.
Innis, like Marty Peretz and Norm Poddy, took over a once vital tool and turned it to shit.
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:13
I don’t know jack shit about Dog the Bounty hunter, and I don’t want to.
But what is it about these people? It seems this has a kind of odd continuim:
1) Random jerk says something racist.
2) Racists defend random jerk
3) Some racists happen to be Conservative
4) Racist defense gets transmitted through Conservative circles
5) Conservatives defend random jerk.
6) Random jerk becomes Conservative standard-bearer
Funny how they embrace these asshole, just because they achieve something as noble as putting a public face on their own assholism.
I mean – Rodney King was a regular guy with his own personal problems, but even though it was good that LAPD’s brutality was brought to light, no one on the left ever decided to turn Rodney into a Mandela-figure.
Although, to be fair, Rodney’s “Can’t we all get along?” has a certain elegant poignant human appeal to it that puts Dog the Bounty Hunter to shame.
mikey said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:48
Y’know, g, you might have hit on an important difference. On the right, when they do or say something intolerable or unacceptable, they all close ranks in order to defend the indefensible. Which is ultimately the reason for this and other websites.
On the left, when one of our own says something disgusting or unacceptable, we don’t actually excommunicate them, but we don’t let it stand. So they say we cannot stay “on message” and the left is always a “circular firing squad” when in fact all we are doing is being consistent in our beliefs….
mikey
Some Guy said,
December 22, 2007 at 6:55
“When the chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, Roy Innis, invited me to join him at a luncheon with Dog the Bounty Hunter, I was slightly puzzled.”
I have to say, honestly, that I never, in my wildest dreams, could have conceived this scenario as even theoretically possible. That’s, “iffy left-over Chinese food-induced bad dream” territory.
“He looks in the mirror and sees Brock Samson.”
http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c39214ff52ed0114ffa049ca0099
concerned said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:15
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected? Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:24
concerned, let me amp it up a bit.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Your stupid bullshit post doesn’t make any goddam sense. For one, when people go to the polls, they aren’t voting based on what I post here at Sadly No.
So why the fuck do the “strident, shrill politics here” have any fucking thing to do with any candidate running for office?
And for Two – Fuck Off. You’re a concern-troll.
atheist said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:31
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected? Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
I have an answer: Kiss my ass.
gaspode said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:31
Oh, thanks “concerned” for your concern–you very sweet concern troll.
When the Republicans (Bush, Cheney, et. al.) are tried, convicted, and condemned for their mass murder (over one million Iraqis), then maybe, just maybe, we can “tone it down”.
How are you sleeping?
Torture, kidnapping, and war crimes don’t concern you?
What a mumbly-fuck!
atheist said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:43
That is actually a really good point Mikey. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people in “Progressive” circles bemoan the fact that “we just aren’t as organized as the right wing”, or “why won’t liberals/leftists/peace people stay on message”?
Whenever someone says that, I always want to rebut with, “We do that because we are less a group of authoritarian followers than the right wing”. We shouldn’t despair over the way we are. Its just that instead of constantly noticing the ways we are weak compared to the right wing, we ought to notice the ways in which we are stronger. They are real and important.
People don’t have to act in lockstep in order to be effective. Look at the movement against the war in Vietnam. Whatever you think about that movement, you have to admit it eventually acheived its goal. And, it had everything from rebelling soldiers, to violent anarchists, to pacifist hippies, to old leftists, to conservatives. Different aspects of that movement focussed on totally separate aims, ignored each other, or even tried to act against each other . There wasn’t much good communication at all. Yet, they ultimately succeeded.
gaspode said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:50
Hey, where’d everybody go?
Mikey, you didn’t tell us what’s for dinner!
I had a very ripe camembert fried gently in butter and spread lightly on toasted sour-dough bread.
atheist said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:52
Maybe my lecturing scared ‘em off?
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:53
jelly bellies. And Christmas Hershey kisses. And booze.
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:54
Hey, everyone. Light those candles for ZK. His family is bringing him home today.
Lesley said,
December 22, 2007 at 7:57
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected?
I have a question: How can you look in the mirror every morning and not vomit?
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
December 22, 2007 at 8:26
Electing people? Can we start with a primary challenge to that ten-pound bag of disappointment in a five-pound speaker, Pelosi?
Vic said,
December 22, 2007 at 8:42
Even in the very phone call that brought him down, the only thing he was concerned about was the effect such a scandal might have on his career. Then he turns around and expects everyone to take his apologies seriously.
You’d think our society had finally reached a point where we screen out the racists when we give TV shows to convicted murderers.
Ted said,
December 22, 2007 at 10:30
Hey, everyone. Light those candles for ZK. His family is bringing him home today.
Who’s ZK? The abbreviation is causing me to draw a blank.
Hoosier X said,
December 22, 2007 at 12:35
Well, now that there’s some confirmation that Mitt wasn’t talking straight out of his butt for a change, the very small number of liberals who heard of the MLK thing will stop saying he lied.
Just like those nice, polite, honest sincere conservatives did when it turned out that Al Gore never said he invented the Internet and he actually did have a lot to do with funding its development.
Oh, wait. Maybe there is a slight difference …
even more concerned said,
December 22, 2007 at 17:23
I have a question, too: How do eating or defecating, both of which I’m sure you all do several times a day, help get Democrats elected? Maybe you should stop so you can concentrate 100% of your efforts on the presidential race. And don’t even get me started on that utter waste of HOURS a day known as sleep.
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 17:37
Way OT-
I’m listening to a radio program about whacked out obscure christmas song and they kicked off a set with a snippet from the Mexican Santa Claus movie that we talked about many threads ago. Lucifer is telling one of his minions that he must not let Santa foil him again in his mission to make all of earth’s children evil, or Luifer shall force the minion to eat chocolate ice cream! OMG. I must have this movie.
The radio program was npr’s Sound Opinions christmas show. HIGHLY recommended and streamable on line.
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 17:52
I wonder if God found his copy of the movie yet?
J— said,
December 22, 2007 at 18:02
It’s Saturday, a new day, and we Jonah junkies are jonesing for our daily dose of Jenius. In the meantime, a report from the South Florida front in the War on Christmas.
From the Miami Herald (12/22/07).
Jennifer said,
December 22, 2007 at 18:07
I strongly disagree with anyone stealing the baby Jesus from a nativity scene, unless they provide a suitable replacement.
I suggest a black baby doll.
gbear said,
December 22, 2007 at 18:07
Maybe baby Jesus would have had better luck as an adult if he’d had a plexiglass screen and extra insurance back then.
g said,
December 22, 2007 at 18:34
Who’s ZK?
Ted, ZK is a 16 year old kid I know who’s in a coma and his parents are finally taking him home today to care for him there.
Is this Ted from Topanga?
atheist said,
December 22, 2007 at 19:06
Can we start with a primary challenge to that ten-pound bag of disappointment in a five-pound speaker, Pelosi?
Cindy Sheehan is already on it.
atheist said,
December 22, 2007 at 19:18
& could use our $$$
Gentlewoman said,
December 22, 2007 at 23:43
Light those candles for ZK.
g I will include him (and his family) in my offering tonight.
DocAmazing said,
December 23, 2007 at 0:24
J-
Wait until Ms. Cellini starts getting photos from Baby Jesus in Maui and Venice…
J— said,
December 23, 2007 at 1:32
But DocAmazing, nothing can get through (or over) plexiglass. Nothing!
mikey said,
December 23, 2007 at 2:24
I don’t know where there might be a nativity scene around here, but I’d be all over an op to bag the baby jesus.
Send photos to the Merc News with it holding todays newspaper, hooded tangos with Akas and pistols behind him.
Allowing a secretive Red Cross mission to validate his current well being.
Finally, in an act so depraved as to cause consternation throughout the jihadi community, toss it off an overpass in the dead of night as a protest against the “bad faith” negotiations.
Yep. I might be the only one laughing, but I’m in. All the way in…
mikey
J— said,
December 23, 2007 at 2:33
When I read that Miami Herald article this morning, mikey, I thought, “You all didn’t safeguard the Baby Jesus. You just upped the ante. Made the game a little more challenging.”
mikey said,
December 23, 2007 at 3:04
Cool thing, J, is all you’re playing with is a stinking vandalism misdemeanor or maybe a petty theft. You can go at it hammer and tongs, and worst case is a smirk and a fine…
mikey
actor212 said,
December 23, 2007 at 16:07
Hang on…John McCain, a legitimate pretender to the GOP nomination, will sit on a dais not only with Roy “Tom” Innis, (and his anti-black crimes go back much farther than Bob Grant…Innis was a regular on the Mort Downey Jr show) but with Duane “Ho Dog” Chapman?
Oh man, I see a drunken brawl in our future!
Well, to Dog’s credit, he didn’t call her “nappy headed”…/snark
pablo said,
December 24, 2007 at 5:39
I think a good “Colon cleansing” is in order!
Major Woody said,
December 27, 2007 at 12:59
mikey said,
(Minor depravities detailed above)
Finally, in an act so depraved as to cause consternation throughout the jihadi community, toss it off an overpass in the dead of night as a protest against the “bad faith” negotiations.
Yep. I might be the only one laughing, but I’m in. All the way in…
I think we should include waterboarding, and perhaps a grainy video where the doll (with a gun to his head) reads a prepared confession of his crimes.
….
More Nativity Fun!
Story 1: My wife bought the kids a PlayMobile nativity scene to play with this holiday season. We had lots of fun with it, replacing the worshiping figures with Bionicles and Rakshnee (see your 6-year-old for details).
Story 2: We’re currently house shopping, and two of the occupied homes we viewed had little Nativity scenes set up inside the house. No, I did not steal their L’il Jesuses, I’m not that big of an asshole. However, in both houses I did turn all the figures in the Nativity scenes around so they appeared to be shunning the Holey Infant. I wonder how long it took them to notice?