Dec
19
19
So so so so SO awesome
Thanks to the super-cool reader who sent me this amazing political spectrum as told by Jonah’s book:
I know it’s tough to see here (the image is long and I had to fit it onto this post) but that’s HITLERy, Hitler, Joe McCarthy and exercise on the Left, and George Washington, Cheetos and Jack Bauer on the Right.
[Gavin adds: Ever tireless and fixy of pictures around here, I've reformatted it so the image is clearly visible. Why yes, since you mention it, they do take me for granted!]
I’m supposed to write a review for this book over the weekend, but I think this graphic captures its essence better than I ever could.
Thanks again, awesome reader!!!
billy pilgrim said,
December 19, 2007 at 6:49
Can we also claim Diane Lane on the Left?
No, no reason…. (whistling innocently)
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 19, 2007 at 6:50
You bettter watch yur ass, Der Rocketführer. I’ve heard the Silver Surfer is lookin’ for you.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
December 19, 2007 at 6:53
Thousands of years from now, members of the human race are going to unearth a toilet in an excavation. Next to it will be this book, and the future humans will wonder why we didn’t just use toilet paper.
mikey said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:06
Wha…???
You mean Ellen Aim?
Of Ellen Aim and the Attackers?
We’re goin nowhere slowly…
When we should be goin nowhere fast…
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:08
I always took you for granite, Gavin.
Shirley you have a better claim to having your mug on Mt. Rushmore than the shrub. And isn’t that something to have on one’s resume?
a certain Christmas elf said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:10
Who u reviewin it fer?
mdhatter said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:11
Gavin, you’re a rock
Douglas Watts said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:12
This diagram leaves out black people. That’s the whole purpose of Jonah’s book. Jonah, cement head that he is, has conveniently written black people out of American and world history in his little epistle. Why? Black people don’t count. Look at Jonah’s dribble and ask ‘where are the black people’ and that gives you the book’s actual theme. It is funny and scary, like the bad circus music when you are about to throw up and the weird leering clown is about to cornhole you behind the elephant stall. Jonah cannot fit black people into his world view — because they have never played a role in it — so he cannot let them play a role in his history of teh world. They are a variable that must cancel itself out. So he does. By omission. Jonah’s thesis requires black people to not exist.
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:14
I don’t begrudge anyone a job. Goldberg has kids to feed and I hate saying this, but I think the only response is to ask the LA Times if they read what their employee writes.
Take Krauthammer, now he’s a damn fool, and if you could get fired for incompetence over opinion he should be the first to get pink slipped. Most of what he writes is crazy bullshit, but it’s literate, you get a little tired of every moment in history being the rise of WWII but he plays within the rules such as they are.
Not just this book, but his columns are embarassingly bad. He meets people everyday, probably even conservatives who read that awful dreck, and witness the painful, jaw-droppingly obvious to the person of even average intelligence failures of his poorly written arguments with their glaring like a glow-in-the-dark madonna on a dashboard style fallacies and doesn’t know what a patronage case he is.
We don’t need to be talking to Jonah, we need to be talking to his employers outside the corner and ask them if they are willing to publically say the little emporer has clothes.
El Cid said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:15
Black people mostly vote for Democrats, so they are some type of fascist, but Jo’berg keeps saying the real racists are the liberals like LBJ, so in his mind there’s some sort of evil trickineering going on upon the helpless black folk.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:15
Bu…but…but….Ann Coulter loved McCarthy and hates teh libruls, I’m so lost……that said, screw veggies and exercise, bring on the cheetos, mang.
dBa said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:16
Shooting gummi turds and reading Jonah…that’s enjoying life.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:17
Ed, but Krauthammer is a hottie with a cool name. There’s just no comparison.
mdhatter said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:19
Hey Douglas, black people count! It’s their votes that don’t count.
mikey said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:19
Did someone say Dianne Lane?
‘Cause I was pretty sure I heard someone say Dianne Lane.
And I thought I’d better check…
mikey
billy pilgrim said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:20
Don’t call me Surely.
Hoosier X said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:20
I noticed this too. And William Rusher recently wrote a column about how the most recent scholarship (his word, not mine) proves that the liberals were wrong about McCarthy.
I want to see Coulter and Goldberg fight!
mdhatter said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:21
I want to see Coulter and Goldberg fight!
Not even Jimmy Olsen has seen them in the same room.
billy pilgrim said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:22
nicely played, mikey.
Douglas Watts said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:26
Gavin’s graphic is teh kool. I don’t mean to trash it. But within Lead Paint Society’s tome is a hidden narrative which says Dred Scott was a fascist. And Dred Scott’s supporters were uber-fascist. This entire book is the story-narrative of the Klan and the Aryan Nation armored car fucks that capped Alan Berg.
mikey said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:28
If anything anymore can “fix the old bayonet”, it’s Ellen Aim.
She is just plain hotter than a two dollar pistol on a Saturday night…
mikey
Kathleen said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:31
Jonah didn’t leave out black people! He had a whole bit about how the Black Panthers were fascist because they terrorized the middle class!
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:31
Ed, but Krauthammer is a hottie with a cool name. There’s just no comparison.
I’m not a great authority on the male aesthetic but I can only think that’s a joke. The name has got to be a pseudonym.
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:32
fucked up that tag.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:33
Hoosier–OK, my money’s on Coulter. Let’s set this one up. That and invading the next NR cruise (I’m starting to wonder when/where that one will be at this point….it’s late, I mentioned it on another thread…got curious….hate all of these fucking pirate things everywhere, but wouldn’t mind being a real one on an NR cruise…..OK, it is late).
Flying Fox said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:33
I think I see it, Ed. As in, “Hammer of ‘Jerry’?”
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:35
gotta be.
g said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:35
trickineering
Can I just say that I love this word?
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:36
Ed, you can’t see the hotness? Of the Hammer of the Krauts? Wow! He’s got a face like a pinched up little scalded cookie/babyhead with a weird perm to top it off. Sex MAGNET baby.
Fats Durston said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:40
Pffft. That ain’t accurate. Where’s Huckabee on teh left? And W? Huh?
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:47
Huckabee lost enough weight to have left some on the left. Strictly provisional/last resort.
Paddy Mac said,
December 19, 2007 at 7:49
“…ike the bad circus music when you are about to throw up and the weird leering clown is about to cornhole you behind the elephant stall.”
For discussing wingnut screeds, that was the Best. Methaphor. Ever.
Horny perverto-fascist said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:22
For some reason, ever since the first of these ‘Deconstructing Jonah’s” entries appeared I have this reappearing vision of a bunch of 20-something female grade school teachers with Dartmouth degrees, brown uniforms, and very short skirts. Something like this:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_Kyj6MaNLbVE/RuG56BLIjTI/AAAAAAAABWw/m9d67lwl5sg/s1600-h/15th+forward+can-can+regiment.jpg
Does that make me a bad person? Am I on the left or on the right?
Sincerely,
Regular Guy with Some Issues
billy pilgrim said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:22
if they keep talking about Krauthammer and hotness in the same breath, even sweet Diane up there ain’t gonna make it for me tonight. Make ‘em stop, somebody, please.
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:22
Sex MAGNET baby.
I’m scarred.
Ed Marshall said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:24
and for some reason i can’t close tags worth a damn.
Some Guy said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:25
So, Hitler is the extreme left, and neo-nazi’s are the extreme right.
huh.
Would it make things easier if I just gave up and went mad now?
Horny perverto-fascist said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:27
Another image of how I picture these naughty liberal fascists that Jonah’s talks about:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_Kyj6MaNLbVE/RuG56BLIjTI/AAAAAAAABWw/m9d67lwl5sg/s1600-h/15th+forward+can-can+regiment.jpg
Bad, bad, fascists!
Horny perverto-fascist said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:28
Another image of how I picture these naughty liberal fascists that Jonah’s talks about:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_Kyj6MaNLbVE/RlyC-w2uXNI/AAAAAAAAAco/PH4t0487Smc/s1600-h/marching+heels.jpg
Bad, bad, fascists!
g said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:31
Oh, for heaven’s sake, horny perverto fascist. Can’t you get Better Choreography?
Sad, Misunderstood Clown said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:05
Jonah, come back here !!!
w Thomas Smith Jr said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:15
I don’t know much about this Jonah or this Kruthammer, and the negroes can live in my neighborhood if they want, broccoli now, that’s an important issue-
http://eatbroccoli.org/politics.aspx
Batocchio said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:32
Um, Suitherland himself is a bit of a liberal, and Bauer, maverick though he may be, is ultimately a law and order conservative, not an authoritarian one. Although I’m sure that’s over Goldberg’s head!
mdhatter said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:37
Jack Bauer, much like Goldbergs understanding of history, is pure war-porn fiction.
Batocchio said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:40
That too, mdhatter!
By the way, can you guys please do a roundup of all the Liberal Fascism posts when you’re done? As a service to history, of course.
Soj said,
December 19, 2007 at 9:52
I haven’t read this book (nor will I ever) but I’m already confused. Joseph McCarthy AND Hitler AND Clinton AND the Black Panthers AND kindergarten teachers are all “liberal” fascists? What the hell??
I remember in the distant past I might hear a conservative argue say, in favor of trickle down economics. We might disagree but at least the discussion was based on ideas with their own interior logic.
This “book” literally is nothing but 400 pages of words wrapped around an idea that anyone JG doesn’t like is a “fascist” and anyone he does, isn’t. That should’ve been the title: Everyone I Hate Is a Fascist.
My poor old brain is too flummoxed to know how the hell a kindergarten teacher is a fascist but the freakin’ KKK is not. Does that mean JG likes the KKK? I mean McCarthy was a fascist but the Imperial Wizard is NOT?
In the spirit of this book, I am now going to spend the next 24 hours and anyone I see who I don’t like, I’m going to point a finger at them and yell “fascist!” Could be a rude salesclerk, could be a waitress with poor service, could be a homeless beggar, could be my friend who owes me $5, they’re all FASCISTS and I know I can prove it in a 400 page book if you give me a million bucks.
In fact…. all of you READING this comment are fascists!! ;)
a different brad said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:28
Off topic- I met a former student of Ann Althouse today. There’s a small chance I might get to meet Ann in person.
That would be interesting.
Some Guy said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:35
“g said,
December 19, 2007 at 8:31
Oh, for heaven’s sake, horny perverto fascist. Can’t you get Better Choreography? (link)”
I LOVE being the 5th thumbs down on youtube comments.
horatius said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:37
Here’s the roundup of reviews though.
“Unintentionally hilarious” - New York Times
“Two thumbs way up my ass” - Washington Post
“Steaming pile of Turd” - Des Moines Register
“Jonah Goldberg, in his own inimitable fashion, reaches way up into his rhetorical anus and pull out a steaming pile of rhetorical excrement. Truly, a must read if you are suffering from Depression, but lack the courage to end it” - Texas Lonestar Iconoclast.
horatius said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:38
Except Big Brother turned out not to have one face, but a thousand
I heard she’s easy.
horatius said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:39
#
a different brad said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:28
Off topic- I met a former student of Ann Althouse today. There’s a small chance I might get to meet Ann in person.
That would be interesting.
I heard she’s easy.
horatius said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:41
GaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Thers said,
December 19, 2007 at 11:20
There’s a small chance I might get to meet Ann in person.
That would be interesting.
Wear shorts.
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
December 19, 2007 at 12:27
but Jo’berg keeps saying the real racists are the liberals like LBJ,
OT but kind of on topic, in a scary way: Queensland is the Australian state in the north-east corner of the continent. It gets kinda tropical up there, and there’s a whole political sub-culture that’s probably familiar to some of yez that live in backwards yokel states.
Anyway, a bunch of years ago, the state was run for a couple of decades by a bloke called Joh Bjelke-Petersen (Joh being short for Johannes), famous for corruption, mangling the english language, corruption, ignoring questions, and corruption. The state was therefore referred to as ‘Joh-burg’.
Incontinentia Buttocks said,
December 19, 2007 at 12:33
On that conservative American Revolution thing….so what would Jonah do with, say the French Revolution-loving and therefore Fascist Thomas Jefferson and the central state power-loving and therefore Fascist Alexander Hamilton…who didn’t like each other one bit? Different kinds of Fascists who by definition had nothing to do with the essentially conservative American Revolution? Gaaaah!
This book is clearly the historical equivalent of Calvinball. And the genius of the whole project is that I honestly believe that the Pantload is too dense to realize this. Which is ultimately what makes his shtick different from Coulter’s. Coulter knows exactly what she’s doing. Jonah Goldberg just is.
Smut Clyde said,
December 19, 2007 at 13:10
Joh Bjelke-Petersen… famous for corruption, mangling the english language, corruption, ignoring questions, and corruption.
And for being a New Zealander by birth (why should Qetesh claim credit for him?).
Horny perverto-fascist said,
December 19, 2007 at 13:14
Qetesh,
Since I live in Queensland, I will see your “corrupt governor with a name that is loosely related to Jonah Goldberg” and raise you to “corrupt governor, who is also a pedophile, and whose name is Goldsmith”
Even though Oregon is a progressive state, it is run by a Tony-Soprano style cartel with Neil Goldsmith being its Godfather. After being exposed for having sex with a 12-year old girl, he stepped down, only to appoint the marionette regime of Ted Kulongoski, while still pulling all the strings in the state’s business.
r€nato said,
December 19, 2007 at 14:08
lost chapters from Jonah’s new book:
Liberal Fascism and Ward Churchill: How Unknown Community College Professors Will Enslave Us All
Liberal Fascism and Illegal Immigration: Hitlery’s Secret Army of Scary Brown Folks
Liberal Fascists and Prof. Juan Cole: How People Who Conclusively Prove What A Stupid Git I Am Are EXACTLY Like The Nazis
Liberal Fascists and All The Women Who Have Ever Rejected My Advances: Uh, What Was My Point?
Nimrod Gently said,
December 19, 2007 at 14:10
That picture looks more sarcastic than it is.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 14:36
Pilgrim–come on let me have some fun. Kraut deserves an award for being the ugliest man alive.
Statements like this one, however, have left me a bit scarred regarding the seriousness of wingnuts:
“NAZIS HAVE NEVER EVER ALIGNED THEMSELVES WITH JEWS
EVER
NAZIS HAVE HISTORICALLY BEEN INSPIRED AND HAVE CONSPIRED WITH ISLAM”
Then again, as a friend of mine likes to say, “In the future everyone will have their 15 minutes of being Hitler”. That future is now here.
r€nato said,
December 19, 2007 at 15:07
If Godwin’s Law were actually a law, Jonah would be on death row.
Jay C. said,
December 19, 2007 at 15:25
I feel like it’s two days after Halloween and I’ve been eating nothing but candy. It’s starting to get kind of gross.
r€nato said,
December 19, 2007 at 15:39
my favorite quote is still this:
This is great! Here, let me try my hand at this:
“Ptolemaic astronomy is different from classical astronomy in many ways.”
“American football is different from European football in many ways.”
“Atheist religion is different from classical religion in many ways.”
Wheeeeee! Even black is white if I can make words mean what I want them to!
Arky - Fascistanata said,
December 19, 2007 at 15:45
Douglas Watts, he also mentions that fascist W.E.B. DuBois. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has Harriet Tubman in there: Harriet Tubman used an “Underground Railroad” and Mussolini made the trains run on time. Harriet Tubman was a fascist!
And since health food and exercise is a mark of the beast does this mean The Biggest Loser is fascist propaganda?
Gary Ruppert said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:46
The fact is, the liberal bias here is full of fascism, and is not balanced in treatment of this book or its author, you have not analysed the thesis and the evidence, and you should have noticed all the footnotes which should shut up you liberals who go on about facts but when faced with them stomp your feet and whine. Maybe you should study reality, economics and get a real job and work hard.
caliph garrett said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:53
Fascist Canuckistanian!!11!!11!
Blue Buddha said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:56
#
horatius said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:39
#
a different brad said,
December 19, 2007 at 10:28
Off topic- I met a former student of Ann Althouse today. There’s a small chance I might get to meet Ann in person.
That would be interesting.
I heard she’s easy.
Yep… all you need is a cheap bottle of Merlot.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:58
The fact is, I would break off Ann Althouse doggie style. Repeatedly.
Blue Buddha said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:59
“Stupid is as stupid does.” — Forrest Gump
g said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:14
Breaking news - Executive Building in DC is on fire - its the office of the Vice President.
I am waiting for the news that Cheney has finally spontaneously combusted.
Nothing but a heap of charred bone and a pair of glasses remaining in the melted carcass of his Aeron chair.
DAS said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:16
So that’s the direction the political spectrum goes? I always thought that it was supposed to be “stage left” and “stage right” rather than “audience left” and “audience right”. In the assemblies (French? fascist? so fascism is the root of both leftism and rightism? but that would be Broder’s bailiwick, not Jonah’s) that gave birth to the identification of left and right, which was it? Did the rightist sit stage right or audience right?
Or have you just reversed the axes to make a point?
Clütch414 said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:24
Would I be out of line by saying that Gavin is the wind beneath my wings?
*blushes*
DJ said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:36
Gary Ruppert said,
Maybe you should study reality, economics and get a real job and work hard.
Like you, Ruppert?
http://thumbsnap.com/v/DD4cql02.jpg
I think not.
Metro Goldberg Mayer said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:37
“Stage left” and “stage right” betray a distinct Hollywood- and Broadwayfascist bias and must be considered suspect.
Blue Buddha said,
December 19, 2007 at 17:56
It was right/left according to the perspective of the speaker on the floor. So “stage left/right” is correct. But, as you said, the definition of right/left came from the French Revolution, which Goldberg points out, is “fascist”.
"Fair and Balanced" Dave said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:01
This “book” literally is nothing but 400 pages of words wrapped around an idea that anyone JG doesn’t like is a “fascist” and anyone he does, isn’t. That should’ve been the title: Everyone I Hate Is a Fascist.
The act of writing by people like Doughy Pantload or Ann Coulter bears a startling similarity to monkeys throwing feces against a wall. The only difference, as far as I can tell, is that wingnut welfare sugar daddies like Richard Mellon Scaife aren’t buying up walls stained with monkey poo to give away to NewsMax subscribers.
Djur said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:14
Goldschmidt.
For four years, ending in 1991.
He was exposed in 2004. Also, she was 14, and the abuse occurred in the mid-’70s. For what it’s worth, that’s not pedophilia either.
The revelations essentially ended his career in Oregon politics, but he had not held office for years.
You’re missing the crucial bit where there were two more governors in the interim — Barbara Roberts and John Kitzhaber — for a total of 12 years.
Clambone said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:19
Does this mean that when Robert Byrd renounced the Klan, he moved to the right?
fardels bear said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:23
Have you ever noticed that when you look into a mirror it reverses left and right but never reverses up and down? Jonah does both!
actor212 said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:29
Der Rocketfuhrer,
I think you have your book review right there in that graphic, and the editor will thank you for it.
actor212 said,
December 19, 2007 at 18:30
Gary Ruppert said,
December 19, 2007 at 16:46
The fact is, the liberal bias here is full of fascism, and is not balanced in treatment of this book or its author, you have not analysed the feces
It’s all about shit with you, isn’t it?
Jonah - Doughy Victim of Fascismitis said,
December 19, 2007 at 19:50
The fact is, only my mommy realizes how special I am.
Jemand von Niemand said,
December 19, 2007 at 19:54
Jonah Goldberg and Ann Coulter, throwing shit against a wall.
Romantic.
Marita said,
December 19, 2007 at 20:05
Thank you Djur, you kept me from having to say anything. :)
Principal Blackman said,
December 19, 2007 at 20:12
Does this mean that when Robert Byrd renounced the Klan, he moved to the right?
Absolutely. It’s a Known Fact that the KKK was just a bunch of liberals. Really. I learned it over at the Blogjoke Formerly Known as Blogs for Bush, and we know how reliable those folks are.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 20:26
g–and that rock that exists where his heart is supposed to be….that and satan might leave a copy of the deal they made so that his family knows where to find him.
Candy said,
December 19, 2007 at 21:17
That fire in Dick the Viper’s office is said to have caused smoke and water damage. Hmmm . . . I’m going to go ahead and bet that records were destroyed. Probably some of the records Congress is trying to obtain.