Dec
18
18
In A Way, All Else Is Commentary
Much as James Taylor can’t refuse to play ‘Fire and Rain,’ Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism just wouldn’t be a Goldberg joint without a pivotal phrase like this:
You know you’re watching a master when he makes it look this easy. “Evidence,” he’s saying, “Of my foolhardiness and arrogance is once again falling wetly upon me like a hail of eggs flung from on high. I believe it only strengthens my point.”
[We'll be back in a bit with more.]
Update: There goes a big ol’ egg indeed.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:18
Where’s vimothy when you need him?
owlbear1 said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:23
A Wankstain, the very modern model of a Major fucking Wankstain,
OTB said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:24
can’t somebody please make a youtube video of themselves sobbing “leave Jonah alooooone!!!” while his mascara runs?
Jeff Fecke said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:28
You know, I’m working on a book about conservative pedophilia. Now, conservative pedophilia differs from classical pedophilia in many ways. I don’t deny this. Indeed, it is central to my point.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:28
I’m naming my new band “Jonah and the Wails”
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:28
Hey, I copyrighted that, so no stealing.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:31
Are pedophilia (conservative or classical) and homophilia legal in Philadelphia? See they all have Phila (or philia, whatever, quit nitpicking) in the word so they must be all the same.
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:32
Those mundane parallels are a bitch.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:32
Except for the “being bad” part. That is central to my point. That liberals are bad. Yes some people thought classical fascists were bad. But that is not my point. My point is that they are both bad, especially the Liberals, and maybe Classical Fascists. That is central to my point — which is that the part of how people thought about the Classical Fascists — as being bad — is also true of Liberals, maybe even more so, that is, when they are being thought about, people should think of them as bad. That is central to my point.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:33
Jesus fuck. I was just about to tack something on to the last thread about how fun it was going to be to count how many times Jonah backs off or waffles or otherwise accepts the blows like a Bozo Bop Bag, not even counting the ridiculous takeback on the book’s flap.
At least Dinesh stands up for his arguments. Jonah can’t even assert them without acknowledging his failure.
What a weakling.
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:34
Conservative Facts differ from classical facts in many ways. I don’t deny this. Heh, indeed, it only strengthens my point.
RodeoBob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:34
I’m afraid to ask, but is there anything in-context with that phrase to make it even a little less mind-bogglingly stupid?
t4toby said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:35
Jonah want a SAMMICH!!!!
Rufus said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:37
I believe hemophilia may be legal in Philadelphia, so your point is made. Now, liberal hemophilia differs from classic hemophilia in many ways. I don’t deny this.
Gavin M. said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:40
Honestly, not really.
Rufus said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:41
The weird thing is, Conservative idiocy differs from classical idiocy not at all. I wonder why.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:41
OMG. I just realized that this guy I know with a really fancy stereo must get off on bleeding profusely and having sex with the dead! Typical liberal audiophile hemophiliac necrophiliac.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:43
I always thought classic hemophilia was an affliction affecting Hapsburgs and other royals, thus being PRE-revolutionary.
owlbear1 said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:44
In the entire book does he actually mention WHO are the victims of “Liberal Fascism”?
t4toby said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:45
How did you do that, Brad? The picture in the comments?
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:45
C’mon, owlbear, JONAH is the victim. Sheesh.
tb said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:45
Haha, jiu-jitsu! The weakness of my argument is it’s strength!
t4toby said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:46
Er, I mean, Gavin…
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:46
The Cult of Action?
All the hip young things Trying to make a scene, Living out forbidden dreams. Star spangled banner Flutters in the sky Time hustles those
Who wait to die.
Hippies, everydamn one of them.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:47
owlbear1… Liberal fascism is made out of PEOPLE!
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:48
“mmmmmmmmmmmm soylent GREEN. My FAVORITE.” - Jonah Goldberg
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:49
Conservatives.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:49
Italians are not Germans? I must do some thinking about this.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:50
I think Jonah confused terror and terroir.
kth said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:51
Folks, we’re just at Act I, Scene 1 of this farce. Imagine what the whole rollout will be like. Just for a little foretaste: imagine the NY Times review. It’s certain to be, like the Chris Caldwell smackdown of one of Coulter’s books, assigned to a house-broken conservative pundit. But far sadder: unlike Coulter, Goldberg once aspired to sit at the grown-ups’ table. Said hapless house-broken conservative will have to choose between salvaging Goldberg’s reputation (by defending or nuancing the book, saying it’s a satire even though that’s not a defensible reading), or salvaging his own and those of “sensible” conservatives (by evaluating without pity the book’s main argument).
The bright line won’t be between left and right on this, but between the crazy right and the uncrazy right (though most of the latter will sensibly, if cravenly, only comment on Goldberg’s book if it is absolutely unavoidable). At the end of it all, Goldberg will be the most widely derided figure in all of punditry. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
J— said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:51
Goldberg: “what I call the totalitarian temptation”
As if he came up with the term.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:52
That’s pronounced tear-wah. Not to be confused with the WAR on terroir.
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:53
Ouch, as plagiarism rears it’s ugly head.
zeezee said,
December 18, 2007 at 20:57
Not if you’re Jonah, you don’t. “The Holocaust could not have happened in Italy because the Italians are not Germans.” Nuff said. No reason to delve any further. That requires reason and -(ouch)- work. It might get in the way of shallow thinking and making mundane parallels. It might delay the publication another 5 (or 20) years.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:00
The Holocaust could not have occurred in Italy, because Italians are not Germans.
Please. Stop. Now. Please Stop.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:03
Gerbils are NOT dildos. This is VERY important.
Zandar said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:03
So, hopefully somebody will render this classic work of American philosophy in PDF form so we can search it word for word.
Mainly because I’ll win a bet if I can find the words “and stuff” anywhere in the text.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:04
Therefore Richard Gere isn’t gay. It was a totally heterosexual gerbil.
t4toby said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:04
I want to try!
The Crusades could not have occurred in Australia, because Australians are not Crusading Knights.
J— said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:05
More Goldberg: “And in America, where hostility to big government is central to the national character…”
And here we have a hint of what Goldberg is really aiming at. This book is his contribution to the continuing right-wing assault on the welfare state. Like the classical liberal bullshitters and the Constitution in exile freaks, Goldberg wants to throw whatever dung he can at the post-1929 state to see what sticks, with the hope of chipping away at the state’s active role in safeguarding national economy and society from the violent vicissitudes of market capitalism.
Todd said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:06
Liberal fascists aren’t fascists at all. They’re LIBERAL!!!
(you can almost hear the squeaky cogs turning in his head when you read statements like that.)
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:08
Conservatives and fascists colluded and plotted with Nazi Gemany prior to WWII.
http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/2003/09/conserva-traitors-hall-of-shame.html
Liberals fought the Axis Powers. It all makes sense now. Jonah wins. We are all fascists now and WWII was just a very bloody case of two groups of fascists squabbling over who gets to wear the boots.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:09
This is actually central to my point.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:09
Hmm … let’s try this.
because fascism is all about guvmint, and librulls in U.S. America oppose eliminating guvmint, therefore …
ahhhh ….
[head starts leaking, rots, turns to puddle of brown liquid]
Jay B. said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:10
“Fascisms differ from one another”
?
He couldn’t write “fascist systems” or “movements”? Well, as my (self-evidently Fascist) Union man Granddad used to say, “Capitalisms are all run by jackasses.”
Aiyeee…
Marco said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:13
Being a moron only strengthens Jonah’s Fruit of the Loom 38w waistband while he eats an entire pie.
Fats Durston said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:14
Liberal fascism differs from classical fascism in many ways. But, liberal fascism is kind of like ancient fascism. It’s really quite close to high middle ages fascism, but way way way different from late antique fascism. Renaissance fascism, not so much. Postmodern fascism, lots! And revolutionary fascism is liberal fascism exactly.
Did I mention that Woodrow Wilson was the original fascist? (Though he stole all the ideas from Robespierre and Danton.)
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:14
I find it disturbing that I can google some of these statements and discover the sources for the Pantloads work.
This swill from the pantload isn’t about fascism, it’s about what he and others on the right deem Anti-Americanism.
I guess I should ask Gavin if the Pantload does in fact mention that phrase.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:15
Jonah really is a moron. Stunningly stupid. He must have spent the advance on mallomars and Mountain Dew and had to come up with something and just didn’t care.
This is still one of the best web based disccusions of fascism, IMHO:
http://www.cursor.org/stories/fascismintroduction.php
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:15
Jonah is the Carl Linnaeus and Edward O. Wilson of fascism taxonomy.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:21
Fascisms differ from each other because they grow out of different soil.
Should I plant my fascism bulbs in the fall or spring? In bunches or in rows? Will they crowd out my tulips and daffodils?
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:23
It is central to my point that Jonah Goldberg is an expert on fatcysts and fatcystems.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:23
(From the further sections provided by Gavin)
Gee. A belief that one can “tinker” and create a “utopia.”
So by Jonah Gurglepant’s own definition, people who think they can import democracy through invasion or make America a Perfect Christian Nation by never talking about sex, stomping on gays and lesbians, teaching creationism in school and screaming blue murder when the check out clerk says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” are fascists.
Robert Green said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:26
i think i read in goldberg/brick’s book that somewhere in eastern africa, around 50,000 years ago or so, some hunter-gatherer turned to another and grunted “me want society to run on proto-fascist principles!”
that hunter-gatherer’s last name? clinton.
gbear said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:27
Hello. I am gbear and I am an audiophile.
“Hello, gbear”.
I’ve been trying to stop, ::sigh:: ,but I just can’t keep myself out of the record stores. New vinyl, used vinyl, CDs, even box sets and reissues for gawd sake! My cats are having to get by on table scraps. My wardrobe looks like ’80s Seattle ::sob:: I’ve tried to cut back to just listening to public radio, but it’s just not the same ::sniffle::
Thank you all for your support and help. I don’t know what I’d do otherwise. That’s all for now.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:27
I’m partial to cubist and rococco fascism. Others prefer their fascism baroque.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:27
Jonah is the Carl the greenskeeper of …… hey wait…… Jonah is aGAINST taxonomy. See, LIBRULS are all for raising taxonomies. And that’s fascist. So THERE.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:28
My fascism is baroquen.
anangryoldbroad said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:29
Please tell me this litter box liner of a “book”won’t make it onto a best seller list,anywhere. Please.
Jesus what a nitwit.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:30
Hey Gavin, does he mention a chap named Joshua P. Hochschild? I found an essay with the same title and premise of Jonah’s meaty tome.
Too lazy to do the ahref thing:
http://politics.propeller.com/story/2007/10/19/liberal-fascism-a-short-essay/
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:30
The Plains Indians were fascists in that the smoke went out of a central hole in the teepees, rather than being allowed to freely circulate according to market forces.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:30
The fact is, liberals are anti-AMerican, therefore fascist. America has never been facist, and never will. We have a mission from God to democratize the world, and we are doing fine, until liberals sap our will and strength. They are just like Nazis, liberals, and I don’t like them.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:31
This book will soon be seen as a staggering break of heartworking genies.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:32
Jonah is just doing the Reader’s Digest version of John J. Ray’s schtick:
http://dissectleft.blogspot.com/2003_10_05_dissectleft_archive.html
Leaving out all the big words.
Marco said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:32
Gary Ruppert, real or faux, is boring.
Jay B. said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:34
So, on a serious level, what’s the right approach for this? The book has the possibility (however remote) of shifting, ever so slightly, the playing field — in the same way that “when did you stop beating your wife?” forces the candidate to address wife-beating.
Education? Mocking? Relentless countering? The book is on-the-face preposterous and not even because liberals have to list why we’re not fascists, but because it’s a hypothesis based in complete absurdity. It’s like trying to address why the moon isn’t made of green cheese.
There’s some small solace in the whiplash his idiot readers might feel calling us fascists after a lifetime of calling us Marxists, but that’s the thing with totalitarians — they have no historical memory. And that’s the problem.
Legalize said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:34
Pantload actually wrote the alleged word, “fascisms,” which of course is central to my point that … that uh, um ….
bowser said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:35
heartworking genies
Yike! that sounds like some kind of tapeworm thingy. I don’t want.
zeezee said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:35
. Like Gary said: God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids. God bless you all.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:36
So, on a serious level, what’s the right approach for this?
Amazon reviews. I look forward to all of yours. And the General’s.
g said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:37
Wait a minute. I’m a lightweight compared to you guys intellectually, but even I’m not as stupid as Jonah.
what unites [fascisms]… are… the quest for community, the urge to “get beyond” politics, a faith in the perfectability of man and the authority of experts
ALL this, and more:
the aesthetics of youth, the cult of action and the need for the all-powerful state…..snore…..
This is like Sesame Street - “one of these things doesn’t belong!”
So, as I read it, there are mundane parallels not only between liberalism and fascism, but also between Fascism and:
Christian Churches, Alcoholics Anonymous, fraternal organizations, the Masons, Longaberger Basket salespeople, and Neighborhood Block Associations - by virtue of their “quest for community”
Steven Covey, Author of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” - by virtue of his belief in the perfectability of people
Nickelodeon TV, Paris Hilton, Harajuku, and Toys R US - by virture of the embrace of the Aesthetics of Youth
Ted Nugent, action picture director James Cameron, Monster Truck Rallies and Extreme Sports - by virtue of the Cult of Action (!!!!)
The bit about authority of experts is too idiotic. As opposed to what, one queries? The authority of ignoramuses?
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:37
“The fact is, liberals are anti-AMerican, therefore fascist. ”
This is what happens when trolls over-reach.
RodeoBob said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:39
I asked for context. I’m genuinely sorry I asked. I’ll go back, re-read and snark after my taco salad lunch (horray for Taco Salad Tuesdays at the cantina!) but Gavin, you have my honest and geniune respect for submersing yourself in the ocean of stupid that is J. Goldberg’s Magnum Opus. And by ‘magnum opus’, I mean the really big condom that cartoon penguin must wear, because some that Opus differs from other opuses (opi?) in many ways, which is central to my point.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:39
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a daffodil waving in a human face–forever.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:40
Didja know that Tom Wolfe loves Jonah’s book on fatcysts?
g said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:40
We have a mission from God to democratize the world, and we are doing fine, until liberals sap our will and strength.
Whoopsie, Gary showed up just in time! There’s that faith in the perfectability of man, the need for the all powerful state to coordinate society on a global level.
Not to mention the Cult of Action!!!
Smut Clyde said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:40
Genocide could not have occurred in Turkey, because Turks are not Germans.
Genocide could not have occurred in Rwanda, because Rwandans are not Germans.
I think I’m getting the hang of it.
Grand Moff Texan said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:41
Much as James Taylor can’t refuse to play ‘Fire and Rain,’
Oh, just plain fuck you for getting THAT ONE stuck in my head.
Where are all my old Slayer™ cassettes?
.
bowser said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:41
So, on a serious level, what’s the right approach for this?
I bet my rawhide chew that Tweety uses a quote from the book to preface a question to a democrat before IA and NH make their choices.
Grand Moff Texan said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:42
we are doing fine, until liberals sap our will and strength
Interesting use of the narrative present, characteristic of stream of consciousness writing in between bouts of snorting rails of meth off of a gay prostitute’s ass.
.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:43
I think Jonah is looking ahead to the inevitable day when an unpopular war no longer divides the prowar and antiwar factions of the right and a “liberal fascist” is in the WH. Then the power of the state will be “baaad” again.
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:43
Tom Wolfe is a moron? I did not noe.
Hattie said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:45
Now you dew.
Incontinentia Buttocks said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:46
The bit about authority of experts is too idiotic. As opposed to what, one queries? The authority of ignoramuses?
Don’t you get it?
This is why the Dear Leader refused to listen to the experts on such topics as Iraq’s WMD (or lack thereof), Bin Laden’s determination to attack in the U.S., Iran’s nuclear program, global warming, the general direction of Hurricane Katrina, evolution, Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution, the nature of waterboarding, and the long-term solvency of Social Security.
Turns out that listening to experts is fascist.
Thank you for defending our freedoms, Mr. President!
Tim (the other one) said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:46
I think Sweden almost happened in Denmark. I know it was close.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:48
Tom Wolfe from Wiki:
Wolfe is a fan of George W. Bush and voted for him for President in 2004, due to what he calls Bush’s “great decisiveness and willingness to fight.” (Bush, in turn, reciprocates the admiration, having read all of Wolfe’s books.[12]) After this fact emerged in a New York Times interview, Wolfe said that the reaction in the literary world was as if he had said “I forgot to tell you - I’m a child molester”. Because of this incident he sometimes wears an American flag pin on his suit, which he compared to “holding up a cross to werewolves [sic]“. [13]
Wolfe’s views and choice of subject material, such as mocking left-wing intellectuals in Radical Chic and glorifying astronauts in The Right Stuff, have sometimes led to him being labelled conservative or reactionary, labels that he rejects. He has said that his “idol” in writing about society and culture is Emile Zola, who, in Wolfe’s words, was “a man of the left” but “went out, and found a lot of ambitious, drunk, slothful and mean people out there. Zola simply could not - and was not interested in - telling a lie.”
Asked to comment by the Wall Street Journal on blogs in 2007, to mark the tenth anniversary of their advent, Wolfe wrote that “the universe of blogs is a universe of rumors,” and that “blogs are an advance guard to the rear.” He also criticized Wikipedia, which he said “only a primitive would believe a word of”, noting a story about him that was in his Wikipedia entry at the time, which he said never happened.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:48
Jonah Goldberg is a historian? I can haz tenyur now kthxbai.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:48
Tom Wolfe says Jonah is a historian. I says that I is a astronomer. If you don’t agree you are a fatcyst.
tigrismus said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:49
RodeoBob: opera.
pedestrian said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:50
I get it, Americans are hereditary anti-statists, so fascists have to trick the electorate into having a good government by pretending to be pragmatic and decent.
Anti-fascists, however, try to convince the people NOT to have a powerful government by being ruthlessly power-hungry and mind-bogglingly incompetent. They were trying to fail all along - like the Producers, only the “show about a show” part cancelled itself out so its for real.
dBa said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:50
I guess I does now - I would have known sooner but I don’t spend a lot of time at NRO.
Wolfe and Goldberg, bringing us teh fictions.
LWM said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:51
great decisiveness and willingness to fight?
He’s a moron.
Sarcastro said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:51
Most of all they share the belief - what I call the totalitarian temptation - that with the right amount of tinkering we can realize the utopian dream of “creating a better world”.
Note the totalitarian utopian dream here is NOT to create a perfect world but, rather, the simple attempt to make a better world.
I was going to go into romanticism versus rationalism vis-a-vis the history of fascism… but fuck it.
Grand Moff Texan said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:56
“In the greatest hoax of modern history, Russia’s ruling “socialist workers party,” the Communists, established themselves as the polar opposites of their two socialist clones, the National Socialist German Workers Party (quicknamed “the Nazis”) and Italy’s Marxist-inspired Fascisti, by branding both as “the fascists.”
Fail.
.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:58
Most of all they share the belief - what I call the totalitarian temptation - that with the right amount of tinkering we can realize the utopian dream of “creating a better world”.
I applaud Jonah for not attempting to make the world any better in any way and indeed working hard for the opposite goal.
SamFromUtah said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:59
Fascisms differ from each other because they grow out of different soil.
So does that make Turdblossom some kind of a fascist too?
Sorry, a fascism.
Dr. Loveless said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:01
“American Idol” could never be produced in Italy, because Italians are not Americans.
How’s that for a first try?
Trilateral Chairman said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:04
So, on a serious level, what’s the right approach for this? The book has the possibility (however remote) of shifting, ever so slightly, the playing field — in the same way that “when did you stop beating your wife?” forces the candidate to address wife-beating.
It’s tricky. In a way, the merits of Goldberg’s arguments (such as they aren’t) don’t really matter. The acceptance of an idea is in part related to the frequency with which it’s put forth. So the more people utter the words “Liberal Fascism,” or the more they repeat the main claims of the book, the more his view will gain currency. All the little hedges and caveats get washed out when this happens, and you’ll be left with people who simply say “As Jonah Goldberg has shown, the liberals are the real fascists….”
As I see it, we have two possibilities:
(1) Ignore the work on the grounds that it’s too silly to merit any attention whatsoever. We don’t really bother with books that argue for (say) 9/11 conspiracy theories, the Flat Earth model, beneath contempt, just as we would ignore a work that argued for the flat earth theory. Downsides: (a) it’s too late, and (b) the conservatives will keep on crowing about this nonsense, making it seem like the other side doesn’t have a response.
(2) Absolute ridicule mixed with dispassionate and highly detailed criticism. People aren’t going to stand by the idea if they know they’re only going to get shot down. The downsides are that the author can claim to have “struck a nerve,” and that “the truth hurts.” The advantage is that it’s Jonah Goldberg, and it’s preposterously easy to make him look stupid.
jimmiraybob said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:07
Confession of a Hippie Fascist
It was ‘68, a summer the world will never forget. I was serving on the People’s Committee for Corporate Inclusion & Reconciliation. Our mission was to negotiate an alliance with corporate America that would be a tie in with our companion program to forge a permanent three-way venture with the military in order to quell free thought and expression throughout the land.
All was going well until Comrade Joplin, in a Southern Comfort-fueled rage, refused Nixon’s attempts to lure her to the ranch for a long weekend of monkey sex. The whole glorious effort collapsed when the corporations, the military and Nixon stormed out of negotiations. We were so close. So close.
And now, just when our formidable power is once again on the rise, Jonah foils our plans for the perfect hippie, nationalist, military-industrial, law & order, make-the-trains-run-on-time, anti-intellectual, anti-arts, organic-honey-fueled, religio-utopia! Drat his special genius!
Brett said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:07
A world without evil would be a “better world,” no?
I take it, then, that it is fascist to call for, say, “an end to evil.” (Scroll down for the Goldbergian gloss.)
And Evil’s a pretty big enemy. Wouldn’t a state that is battling to end it need to be “all-powerful”? Or at least, like, rilly rilly rilly powerful.
Nylund said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:08
From amazon, “What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing Items Like This?”
2 of the 4 listed:
“The Gallery of Regrettable Food ”
“Gastroanomalies: Questionable Culinary Creations from the Golden Age of American Cookery ”
All this time I took the Cheetos and Mountain Dew “Code Red” posts as pure jokes, but judging from the above, I think its right on. Apparently Loadpants really does resonate with others who share his poor culinary choices.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:09
Unfortunately for Jonah, fascism never existed long enough to leave much of a footprint. WW II took care of that. This leaves him with saying that public libraries are fascist. And books are fascist. And safe drinking water is fascist. And bank accounts up to $100,000 being insured by the FDIC is fascist. And 14 items or less check-out aisles are fascist.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:12
Where are all my old Slayer™ cassettes?
Goldberg, the meaning of dumb
The way that I want you to drool
So dense, you’re led astray
Writings that turn you into fools
Sucked in like cattle
You read stripped of
Your brain’s worth
Human mice, for the angel of dumb
Four hundred thousand brains to fry
Angel of dumb
Monarch to the kingdom of the dumb
jimmiraybob said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:15
Most of all they share the belief - what I call the totalitarian temptation - that with the right amount of tinkering we can realize the utopian dream of “creating a better world”.
You mean something like this?
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
harmfulguy said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:15
W read twelve books? Without pictures?
actor212 said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:17
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a straw man with a split hair before…
actor212 said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:19
Gary Ruppert said,
December 18, 2007 at 21:30
The fact is, liberals are anti-AMerican, therefore fascist. America has never been facist, and never will. We have a mission from God to democratize the world
Gary Ruppert, the missing Blues Brother…
RodeoBob said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:20
At the core of the stupidity lies some genuinly scary stuff…
Let’s ignore the idocy of conflating emotions and instincts for a moment, and look at what he’s saying, vis a vis what an ‘instinct’ is. Insticts are innate behaviors not governed by reason but tied to species and genus. As Dave Neiwert over at Orcinus points out, once you start describing the opposition as belonging to a different species than you, that opens the door to some real nastiness.
If his argument is “lefties are facists because they give into a temptation of their insticts”, that’s bordering on elminationist rhetoric. It’s not as clearly written as it could be, but I blame that on the marginal literacy of the author rather than an attempt at subtlety. I’m also placing this bit in the context of the blurb on the jacket that says the image of facism is a female teacher.
It’s a bit like watching an agility-trainer use a dog whistle to take a trained dog through a complex course. Except instead of a trainer, it’s Johan accidentally swallowing the whistle, getting it stuck in his windpipe, and franticly inhaling and exhaling as hard as he can, driving all nearby dogs to a frenzy.
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:20
I’m all out of snark. What an ultra-maroon.
a certain Christmas elf said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:20
Tom Wolfe is joined by Newt Gingrich and Charles Murray, co-author of the Bell Curve, in providing blurbs on the back cover.
Murray, in fact, is batting lead-off, and gets a big thank you in the acknowledgments.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:23
Most of all they share the belief - what I call the totalitarian temptation - that with the right amount of tinkering we can realize the utopian dream of “creating a better world.”
So in order to not be a fascist you have to openly admit that your goal is to maximize world pain and suffering and endeavor to make the planet a dark, gloomy shitty place …
And Jonah wrote the book on it !!!
woof said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:23
Pokemons are fascist. We need to kill them.
Larry Ruppert said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:27
The Holocaust could not have occurred in Italy, because Italians are not Germans.
Give them some credit. They did invent the Ghetto.
tigrismus said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:32
Somebody never read Primo Levi.
El Cid said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:38
If a book cover attracts these sorts of creatures to it, where they nest and lay their word eggs so that beautiful maggots of insight may hatch, burrow beneath our skin, feed on our soft tissues of reflection, and later erupt in pustules of understanding, how can we not buy this book?
Indeed, this is central to my point.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:38
But as everything in history, time and place matter …
The man is a walking tautology.
Douglas Watts said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:41
Allowing blacks to be citizens in South Africa was one of biggest totalitarian temptations of all time. Just look what it did !
bob said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:48
Doughn’t know much about history. Doughn’t know much biology. Doughn’t know much about science books. Doughn’t know much about the fucking French, either.
SenderC said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:49
The Holocaust could not have occurred in Italy, because Italians are not Germans.
The Great Tail-Chasing could not have occurred in Kittenville, because kittens are not puppies.
Plantar Fasciitis, you will suffer de-feet!!!
Lesley said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:02
If I had to choose between Jonah’s “friendly fascism” (i.e. organic agriculture, public schooling, and universal health care) and the unfriendly kind (i.e. uninvited democracy campaigns involving bombs, corruption, chaos, and cheetos), I’ll opt for the friendlies every time.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:02
The Holocaust could not have occurred in Italy, because Italians are not Germans.
German people be drivin’ like _this_, but Eye-talian people be all like _this_.
Smut Clyde said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:13
And in America, where hostility to big government is central to the national character…
Have I mentioned how much I hate you Yanks and your habit of drawing broad, vapid generalisations about “national character”, based on little or no experience of other countries?
tigrismus said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:22
You’re not making a broad generalization that making broad generalizations about national character is part of our national character, are you?
I think I just sprained something…
Smut Clyde said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:29
oh noes my sekrit plan iz revealed.
MzNicky said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:39
Tom Wolfe lost it long ago. I mean, did anyone even finish “A Man In Full” or “I Am Charlotte Simmons”?
Pity, really.
MzNicky said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:44
“American Idol” could never be produced in Italy, because Italians are not Americans.
Dr. Loveless: I disagree. It’s right there in the book title. If Mussolini could be a liberal American Fascist, or whatever, then there’s no reason “American Idol” couldn’t be made in Italy. What are you anyway, a member of some differently-soiled anti-Americanist kind of fascisms? Or something?
MzNicky said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:49
W read twelve books? Without pictures?
Of course he did! And he quit drinking, too. And God talks to him every day.
t4toby said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:55
I loved me some Right Stuff. It and Gandhi were very formative to my pre-teen brain.
Does that mean I may be some One Man Wingnut Sleeper Cell?
@ tiger: You may have sprained something, but the play looks pretty good on the Jumbotron.
actor212 said,
December 19, 2007 at 0:34
Larry Ruppert said,
December 18, 2007 at 22:27
Give them some credit. They did invent the Ghetto.
Yo, homes, say what???? Ohno you din’t?!?!?!
SamFromUtah said,
December 19, 2007 at 0:47
“American Idol” could never be produced in Italy, because Italians are not Americans.
Nuh-uhh! America is Italian - just ask Amerigo Vespucci.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 19, 2007 at 2:45
MzNicky said,
December 18, 2007 at 23:39
Tom Wolfe lost it long ago. I mean, did anyone even finish “A Man In Full” or “I Am Charlotte Simmons”?
Pity, really.
I did read A Man in Full. And I liked it, myself.
I see Norman Mailer has a not so shorter.
Anyways, Bush-lovin’ and Jonah-pimpin’? Damn Tom W., way to disgrace yourself completely on your journey out of this life.
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
December 19, 2007 at 2:48
Most of all they share the belief - what I call the totalitarian temptation - that with the right amount of tinkering we can create the utopian dream of “creating a better world”.
Whereas the right wing in America wants what, to create a worse world? Sure, if the desire to improve things is what makes a fascist, then I’m a fascist.
What a total knobbefsticke.
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
December 19, 2007 at 3:57
Except instead of a trainer, it’s Johan accidentally swallowing the whistle, getting it stuck in his windpipe, and franticly inhaling and exhaling as hard as he can, driving all nearby dogs to a frenzy.
This is an alarmingly amusing visual image. I see those cheeks a-puffing, that belly bulging, the arms a-swinging to provide extra lung capacity, the complexion turning slowly puce, while from the pursed lips comes a high-pitched “wheeeee-eeeeee! wheeee-eeee!”
Pure magic.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 19, 2007 at 14:48
LWM–hey now, didn’t you know that the Wiki is edited and used only by fascists?
Lis Riba said,
December 20, 2007 at 19:35
I’m not sure Humpty Dumpty could’ve said it better…
Kolchak said,
January 2, 2008 at 6:09
Everything is fascist because fascism in a fourth-dimensional construct that contains the entirety of our three-dimensional universe. Fascism is shaped like a tesseract inside of a hyper-pyramid. So there!