14
Sweet Surber On A Poca Schtick
If you thought that Don Surber, the Pepys of Poca, West Virginia, just had a blog, then you have surely missed the unalloyed joy of reading his column in the Charleston Daily Mail. In his current column, our Keats of the Kanawha offers up some standard anti-Gore fare: “Al Gore is a big fat hypocrite whose farts cause more global warming than the exhaust from a million SUVs”:
It is difficult to take his sermons on the coming doom seriously when his mansion in Tennessee consumes 10 times the electricity of an ordinary home. … Rather than lead by example, Gore and other millionaire celebrities engage in carbon offsets.
Once again Don is that late-to-the-party kind of guy, showing up when the liquor is gone and the guests have already left. He hangs around, nonetheless, boring the hosts until they finally kick him out at 1:00 a.m. I say this because on the same day as Surber’s column, the wires were flooded with stories about Gore’s recent renovations to his home:
Al Gore, who was criticized for high electric bills at his Tennessee mansion, has completed a host of improvements to make the home more energy efficient, and a building-industry group has praised the house as one of the nation’s most environmentally friendly.
The former vice president has installed solar panels, a rainwater-collection system and geothermal heating. He also replaced all incandescent lights with compact fluorescent or light-emitting diode bulbs — even on his Christmas tree.
“Short of tearing it down and staring anew, I don’t know how it could have been rated any higher,” said Kim Shinn of the U.S. Green Building Council, which gave the house its second-highest rating for sustainable design.
[...]
In February, a conservative think tank criticized Gore for using an average of 16,000 kilowatt hours a month for an average monthly bill of $1,206 in 2006. The typical Nashville home uses about 1,300 kilowatt hours a month.
Gore has said the criticism was unfair because the 10,000-square-foot mansion was undergoing extensive remodeling. He said this week that “global warming denier” groups were trying to discredit him because they don’t like the attention he has given to climate change.
(Italics ours.)
There was some discussion among the Daily Mail’s editorial board about issuing a correction to Surber’s column but they couldn’t agree on how to spell “correction.”
Hoosier X said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:19
He looks like Beaker making an ad for Blackwater.
moondancer said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:24
Why isn’t that stud muffin in Hollywood? Wasting his time picking on Nobel laureates, should go for the fame and sexual glory of Tom Cruise or Charles Nelson Reilly.
D.N. Nation said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:33
To the Surbhuman, Jay Ambrose, Michael Ramirez, Cal Thomas, and on and on and on, who think that Gore’s house somehow renders green activism moot:
Gore’s house : Global warming is a hoax ::
Ted Haggard’s recreational activities: Christianity is a hoax
See how wrong it sounds now?
Jay B. said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:44
Shorter global warming denialists: Al Gore is lying about the threat of global warming while actively and hypocritically contributing to the non-existent problem that, even if real, would make Maine like the Riviera and what’s wrong with that?
MzNicky said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:46
Wow. I bet even Surber is embarrassed by the unfortunate timing of his latest pile o’ dog-poop.
That’s some powerful load o’ ignoramusiosity. Remind me to never again complain about the fatuous dumbassery of my own local paper’s illiterate “columnists.”
Legalize said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:52
LOL, silly moonbats, Al Gore only corrected the fraud that is his elitist mansion because real Americans (i.e. the white science-denying kind) forced him to admit that he is a big fat loser.
Therefore, global warming is still made up by elitist Hollywood elitists (who are probably gay, and/or Muslim (except for Jon Voight).
Roket said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:56
Don Surber probably believes in the Moth Man, too. His cousins, wife’s, brothers friend probably saw it.
MileHi Hawkeye said,
December 14, 2007 at 21:24
Does Al Gore have monkey servants to feed him grapes while is he lying about wasting kilowatt hours?
Gore servant monkey said,
December 14, 2007 at 21:40
Why yes, he does. And he makes us peel them first.
Marmoset said,
December 14, 2007 at 21:59
I know I am being superficial and all… but it is some consolation that virtually ALL this right-wing bloggers/writers (the male one’s anyway) are so freaking FUGLY and such pathetic physical specimens that all of their ranting and posturing is simply a desperate attempt to get laid before they shrivel away.
MileHi Hawkeye said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:00
Typical liberal–enjoying the fruits of the poor working monkey labor!
actor212 said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:02
Note to Daily Mail staff:
You should know how to spell “correction.” Many of you have been incarcerated…
actor212 said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:03
MzNicky said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:46
Wow. I bet even Surber is embarrassed by the unfortunate timing of his latest pile o’ dog-poop.
Don;’t count on it, MzN. I’m betting there will be a post sometime next week saying “See, I told ya!”
Legalize said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:06
Word. If we’ve learned anything from wingnut pundits its that they are incapable of feeling shame, remorse, embarassment, etc.
SenderC said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:24
I started to read his column, but got too distracted by the Daily Mail’s “Santa Paws” section.
pedestrian said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:24
geothermal heating, you say? what did he do, convert it into a secret lair inside a volcano? this guy gets cooler every day.
Simba B said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:27
My parents’ house used to have geothermal heat.
dBa said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:31
“When people say religion is the opiate of the masses, I observe that opiates heal pain.”
Now there’s a study in Duh’ery.
Matt T. said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:42
Everyday this week, I’ve come home from work and y’all got this yay-hoo’s picture up. Sadly, No! is one of the first blogs I read, so I’m starting my daily afternoon siesta with “Where is thumbkin, where is thumbkin? Here I am” going through my head. And that’s before I’ve read whatever gobbledygook he’s spewed out.
dBa said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:46
When you say it’s the first blog you read, I observe that it’s the first one you click on.
SamFromUtah said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:48
“When people say religion is the opiate of the masses, I observe that opiates heal pain.”
Duh’ery indeed. They mask pain without fixing the problem, and allow doctors to go about fixing it without you distracting them with screams.
Opiates also make you constipated. Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, Thumbkin!
dBa said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:56
Now I’m going to be spending all day thinking of “When people say…I observe” phrases.
That’s way worse than the Surberman’s superhuman powers of putting songs in my head.
SamFromUtah said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:57
Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, Thumbkin!
Um, sorry. I think I put this in the wrong thread, or it has nothing to do with anything, or something. Damn opiates!
stringonastick said,
December 14, 2007 at 22:58
“I observe that opiates heal pain.”
Exactly how do you suppose he “observed” that? Was he down there at the molecular level, watching that interaction between pain receptors and opiates, or is he just talking out of his ass again?
And it’s funny how he has something good to say about opiates, considering how they are in the group of drugs his buddies are waging war on; unless of course they are prescribed by any number of Rush Limpbaugh’s docs. Then they are good drugs, very gooooooooood drugs.
dbati said,
December 14, 2007 at 23:17
“When people say religion is the opiate of the masses, I observe that opiates heal pain.”
When people say religion is the opiate of the masses, I observe that opiates are highly addictive substances that will kill you when overused.
Shoot, that’s just what I observe, your mileage may vary, not available to all consumers, if you experience priapism (erections lasting longer than 4 hours), please see a doctor.
dBa said,
December 14, 2007 at 23:22
Priapism? Thanks, was beginning to think I was just virile, but I knew that wasn’t accurate.
Because when my wife notices my priapism, I observe she usually shuts me down.
Smut Clyde said,
December 14, 2007 at 23:25
When people say religion is the opiate of the masses, I observe that opiates may cause you to believe weird shit about sky fairies, give all your money to televised fraudsters, and fire-bomb your neighbour’s house.
The dealer said it was opium, anyway.
tigrismus said,
December 14, 2007 at 23:33
Opiates also help deliver tons of money into the hands of shady characters. Aaaaand the religion metaphor holds!
The Masses said,
December 14, 2007 at 23:35
Hey–you leave my opiates out of this!
MzNicky said,
December 15, 2007 at 0:10
My parents’ house used to have geothermal heat.
Simba B: What were they, some kinda hippies or something?
Simba B said,
December 15, 2007 at 0:17
My parents are nice middle-class suburban centrists, not quite the kind that listen to NPR every day but the kind that vote Democratic (and do so without holding their nose like some of us here) read Newsweek and Time (without planning to call Joe Klein a “wanker” on their blog when they’re done) and are practicing Catholics.
They are basically decent people (good intentions politically but definitely misguided) but come a little too close to Morty & Helen Seinfeld sometimes for my taste. Luckily I got out before my slow descent into insanity was a foregone conclusion.
kobie said,
December 15, 2007 at 1:17
Al Gore has a Christmas tree? He is a traitor to teh War on Christmas!!1
Jay said,
December 15, 2007 at 1:46
Reading Time and Newsweek?!?! They’re more than misguided - they’re misled.
As practicing Catholics, are they allowed to discuss Wankery?
I don’t know how Surber got on the Sadly, No! radar but I’m having more fun than
the Surber Gang at a Golden Corral with a $20 bill.
Witchiepoo said,
December 15, 2007 at 19:25
Moondancer, I hope Charles Nelson Reilly will play Surber in the epic movie of his life. How interesting would that be?
Bat of Moon said,
December 16, 2007 at 1:58
Considering Charles Nelson Reilly is dead, that would be awesome!