13
Surbercalifragilisticexpialidocious
When last we attended on the Chaucer of Chucktown, the… Oh, fine. I’ll just skip the preliminaries.
If only the Iowa caucus were a musical.
I see where w00t is the word of the year for 2007. Hmm, didn’t “War” sing that in “Why Can’t We Be Friends”?
No, in fact they sung “doot-doot-doo.”
Well, we’re off to a great start already. I see where the word of the year for 2008 might be LOL.
Anyway, there have been some complaints
Don’s neighbors are annoyed with the life-sized plywood creche of a Muslim Bill and Hillary aborting the baby Reagan.
that I concentrate too much on the front-runners and not enough on the little guys, so I thought I’d let each make his case in today’s parody:
As Don knows, a key to successful parody is always to announce at the beginning that you’re doing a parody. This is one of the same principles by which successful knock-knock jokes are told, to wit:
YOU: Hey Froggie Bay-beee!
KERMIT: Oh no.
[slap your interlocutor sharply on the back, knocking him down]
KERMIT: Ack!
YOU: I am about to tell you a knock-knock joke about how someone named Tom saw your underwear.
KERMIT: You’re about to tell me a knock-knock joke about how someone named Tom saw my underwear?
YOU: That’s right! Get ready for my knock-knock joke!
KERMIT: [exasperated] But I don’t want to hear a knock-knock joke about…
YOU: [staring fixedly]
KERMIT: Okay, just this one time. [sighs]
YOU: Knock-knock!
KERMIT: [pained] Who’s there?
YOU: Tom Sawyer!
COOKIE MONSTER: Hi, can I play too?
YOU: I was just telling Kermit a knock-knock joke about how Tom Sawyer saw his underwear!
COOKIE MONSTER: Tom Sawyer saw Kermit’s underwear? [running into the distance] Hey everybody, wait ’til you hear this!
KERMIT: Oh no.
YOU: You’re supposed to say, “Tom Sawyer, who?”
[crowd gathers]
KERMIT: Uh, hey. There’s something of yours under there. Look under there.
YOU: Something of mine? Under where?
[laughter, general hilarity]
KERMIT: No, no, look: It’s under there.
YOU: Under where?
[laughter, whooping, pointing of fingers]
YOU: No! Under where? No! Under where?
ALL (CHANTING AND POINTING): No! Under where! No! Under where!
YOU: Aieee! [runs away]
Anyway, we were certainly off to a good start there.
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?I don’t eat meat, but I eat spinach
Vote for an elf, vote for Dennis KucinichWhy can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?I seen you walkin’ ’round the DC Mall
I called you but you won’t vote for Ron PaulWhy can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
I’m a columnist at the Daily Mail,
It’s not the real one, but today’s word is FAIL.
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
My mind is weak, but my chin is weaker,
Talk like Sam the Eagle, but I look like Beaker.
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
Why can’t we be Prez?
O noes, Mexlamofascists are turning us gay,
No, I have never heard about the R-W-A.
You see? There are things worse than another President Clinton.
Yes, that’s just what we were saying! It’s like how we were walking down the street the other day and saw a sandbox.
Perhaps this pair of brief films helps illustrate:
LuLu said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:40
You had me at the Chaucer of Chucktown …
Don Surber » Blog Archive » Why can’t we be Prez? said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:40
[...] No! invented the word Surbercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You still have the song ringing through your head all day, [...]
DAS said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:42
OT, but judging by the pictures of the racist version of the Olsen twins at Dr. Atrios’ site, Jonah’s book is finally out.
Shouldn’t y’all be sayin’ something about this long anticipated piece of, er, carefully crafted work of art, or is that the Poorman’s bailiwick?
BTW … how much ya wanna bet that one of those twins will stay with the neo-Nazi program her whole life while the other’ll settle down with a nice African-American Jewish life partner (born in Mexico)?
Candy said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:45
What Lulu said! That’s perfect.
This is excellent chuckaliciousness, Gavin. I just hope Ms. McArdle isn’t feeling neglected by the recent focus on the Chucky Chaucer.
Mark Russell said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:51
Jesus, Don, that was terrible.
J— said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:51
Surber’s update:
No, I’m afraid I’ll have this song ringing in my head all day.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:53
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
That’s a good way to fill column inches.
javaphil said,
December 13, 2007 at 18:55
It really is amazing how much comedy can be derived from a person that is so spectacularly bad at being funny. Truly, Don Surber is the David Brent of humor columnists.
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:03
Surber thinks he can put songs in my head?
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
we don’t need no water let the mother fucker burn,
burn motherfucker burn.
Maybe he can use his superpowers to get that one out of my head and put in Kashmir.
stringonastick said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:04
Comedic timing? Nope; check.
Clever word choices? Nope; check.
Actual parody? not here; check.
Gratuitious reference to a musical? Tangentially; perhaps a code word to other toe tappers out there.
Any sign of anything that could be even remotely funny? Sadly, no; check.
Truly egregious scam for generating content-free column inches? Oh yeeeessss baby, yyyyeeeeeesssssss.
Better watch it Davy, your eds will get wise to this phoning it in BS.
Tom Hilton said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:17
Those of us who have been longing for a battle of rhymes between Don Surber and Sadly, No! are finally semi-satisfied. Well done.
Gavin M. said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:19
[fixed some typos and formatting, btw]
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:21
I hate to do this, but when I’m battling the “Evil Putters of Songs Into My Head” I never fight fair.
What a funny noise, it’s making.
It’s talking to us–all engines talk!
It’s saying Chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty,
chitty chitty,
(Bang – Bang)
Bang Bang!
chitty chitty
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we’ll do.
the_millionsire_lebowski said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:26
Speaking of, is TPI moving to blogger or something? There’s this page available, but no content and I don’t knowif it’s the same Poorman, and the old site has only been up for about the 4 days of the last two weeks.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:26
The fact is, Surbers commentary is far more inteligent than the far left ranting here that you call reasoned discourse and debate. You are fail.
Tom Hilton said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:28
Good god, it’s even worse than I thought:
Would it be a waste of time to point out to Don that ‘president’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘candidate’, and ‘bright’ doesn’t even come close to rhyming with ‘about’?
Yeah, that’s what I thought too.
Moophisto said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:34
If you want to know what Bush’s hidin’
Don’t waterboard him, vote for Joe Biden.
Did he just come out in favor of Joe Biden? Also:
Sometimes I don’t speak too bright
but yet you know what Mike’s talking about
Huh?
SamFromUtah said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:35
Yeah, that’s what I thought too.
Yup. There are dialects in which “bright” and “about” come close to rhyming, but I’m guessing Surber has one of those reedy nasal white-guy whines which wouldn’t carry it.
D.N. Nation said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:37
Wow.
So the majority of the Surbhuman’s column is spent changing the word “friends” to “Prez.” In the service, of course, of that MichaelRamirez/CalThomas/ThomasSowell dog-and-pony-show of decrying the eeeevils of people who want to win offices running for office (oh noes! they’re playing politix!). Oh, and he started it off by calling it “today’s parody.”
What will tomorrow’s parody bring? Assuming that it isn’t of the “self-” variety.
Gundamhead said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:37
Y’know, this Surber fella is kinda, well, stupid. I really don’t have much in the way of observations other than that. Oh well, at least we got:
“I’m a columnist at the Daily Mail, It’s not the real one, but today’s word is FAIL.”
out of all this horse hockey. Bring back Mark Noonan!
SenderC said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:38
Avoiding Mt. Surber-botchee for a second, I do have to say “w00t” as word of the year is a poor choice (New Oxford American Dictionary’s choice of “locavore” is equally weak). I’m sure there were more worthy words coined on this and like-minded websites within the last year.
D.N. Nation said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:42
Oh, and:
He’s not even running.
actor212 said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:42
Hert der verr, der verd “w00t” were der werd der whoot der yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn børk! børk! børk! In oorder tu shoo yuoo zee must relefunt resoolts, ve-a hefe-a oomeetted sume-a intreees fery seemiler tu zee 2 elreedy deespleyed. Børk børk børk!
Righteous Bubba said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:43
Attention: the bright/about combo is a feature of the original War lyrics.
Uncle Mike said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:44
In all fairness to Surber (I can’t believe I just wrote that), WAR tried to make the same “right/about” rhyme in the original song.
Nimrod Gently said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:00
Oh, Bert, will you ever win?
Jay said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:14
Actor,
That was the Swedish Chef, who was not sufficiently ugly enough for Teh Don.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:14
Oh, Bert, will you ever win?
It’s a good think “fuck” isn’t a number.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:15
Thing too.
salvage said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:17
My mind is weak, but my chin is weaker,
Talk like Sam the Eagle, but I look like Beaker.
This is why I read Sadly, No!.
Carnacki said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:23
The fact is, Surbers commentary is far more inteligent than the far left ranting here that you call reasoned discourse and debate. You are fail.
Every time a rightwinger posts, an English teacher cries and a kitten dies.
Moophisto said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:24
Hold the phone, Lyndon LaRouche isn’t even bothering this year? What has the world come to?
Righteous Bubba said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:36
Slippin’ into dorkness…
Innocent Bystander said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:41
That Don, he’s a mean-ass mother rapper
Too bad his funnies go down the crapper.
He’s pinched and posted another stanker
So Sadly No can expose this wanker.
His content and insight are corny and few,
Just another POS from Mister #2
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:41
LaRouche got a good look at Ron Paul and sullenly admitted his niche was already filled this cycle.
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:48
War’s use of right/about works for a number of reasons I don’t care to go into right now (and they will be evident to everyone who remembers the song).
Beaker’s clumsy usage is one of the least remarkable features of his effort. (Isn’t it incredibly funny the way he compared Kucinich to an elf? And said that the only people who will vote for him are spinach eaters?) It’s OK to laugh, just make sure to be polite and tell Beaker that you are laughing WITH him, not AT him. (I’m sure he won’t notice your patronizing tone.))
MzNicky said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:49
Please sir or madam
won’t you read my dreck
Took an hour to write it
Cuz I hunt-and-peck! …
It’s a “parody” about the dirty Dems
And it’s loaded down with ad-hominems!
I am working for the Daily Mail
It’s a steady job, and I’m proud to be an
Internets wingnut
Intenets wingnut!
[Internets wingnut, Internets wingnut]
Oh Sir Paul, please forgive me.
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:55
MzNicky, that is sublime.
I’m going to suggest to the Bonanza City town council that you should be the recipient of that gold star.
Legalize said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:57
My Pam on the Run rendition was way better than that shit, Don.
jesus christ said,
December 13, 2007 at 20:57
God, why do you keep showing this guy – I can’t get that image of fart-filled brown polyester slacks out of my head now, with his keys a jangling, giant mid-west dork glasses to set off that complete lack of chin craaaap.
Oh well, at least i have a song track to go with it now
MzNicky said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:00
actor212: Hey cool! I always wondered what the words to the Swedish Chef song were.
jesus christ said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:03
is it just me, or is there a lazy eye behind those glasses?
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:11
I’m pretty sure it’s not just a lazy eye behind those glasses.
Roxanne said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:24
Dudes-a-Lileks, if Lileks didn’t have that badass advo-art collection.
mikey said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:38
I’m sorry, this dood just baffles me.
I’m completely flummoxed.
First sentence, he wants the Iowa caucus to be a musical. Ok, cool, that actually is a funny premise, and you could run a long way with it.
But the next sentence is about w00t being the word of the year. Now, I dunno if this is true or not, or who gets to decide n shit, but what the hell does that have to do with a musical adaptation of a presidential primary?
Then, THEN the motherfucker starts in with a great old War song. Which was not in a musical. And had nothing to do with w00t. Or the word of the year.
And then he butchers his supposed song parody.
Frightening stupidity. When he makes dinner at night, I bet it’s a bloody mess.
He needs to stay away from sharp objects. And keyboards. He really needs to avoid keyboards. He’s a menace…
mikey
Def Leppard said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:40
Pour some Surber on me!
g said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:42
aborto-nazis
Word of the day!
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:48
Speaking of frightening stupidity …
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:54
Wanna name all those enemies of America, Saul? My misguided compassion needs names.
Legalize said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:56
Isn’t “Aborto-Nazi” an old Misfits song?
Jay said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:59
Saul, how many damn bottom lines do you think there are?!?!? You got more bottom lines than Bush has Iraq excuses! What the hell is a “colomist”?
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:59
Need names, Saul, names.
Legalize said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:59
Isn’t “Club-Gitmo” an old Dead Kennedys song?
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:02
BTW Saul if you don’t what that is, why are you babbling about it?
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:02
We need to stop questioning you-know-who’s credentials as a rabbi.
See, look, he knows that “Thou shalt not steal” is a commandment. AND he spelled “commandment” correctly.
Considering his serious problems with many of the basic rules of grammar and spelling, I would say that his ability to manage the correct spelling of “commandment” must prove that he is very dedicated to commandments and, ipso facto, he must be a rabbi.
I bet you he even knows which number it is.
a different mikey said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:03
Must not feed trollz.
Must remove awful picture at top of site.
Aaaaargh.
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:03
Al-Queda Terrorists? I thought bush was killing them? Tell bush he needs to kill more, fucking slacker.
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:03
(No fair looking it up.)
Jay said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:05
Freepers, Creepers, where’d you get those peepers, Saul
Kathleen said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:06
in a quiz I could only name 9 out of the 10 commandments.
I forgot the “I am the only God” one.
In my defense, I sort-of think that one is reduntant with the “graven idols” one.
The Archies said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:06
Surber (do-do-deet-do-do-do)
Oh, that’s not funny (do-do-deet-do-do-do)
You are a stupid man
And you’ve got me mockin’ you
Aw, dummy (do-do-deet-do-do-do)
Oh, Surber Surber (do-do-deet-do-do-do)
You are a poopy pants
And you’ve got me mockin’ you
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:09
I am SurberMan
Has he lost his mind
Can he see or is he blind
Can he walk at all
Or if he moves will he fall
Is he alive or dead
Has he thoughts within his head
We’ll just pass him there
Why should we even care
*I didn’t even have to change the words, how fucking cool was that?
actor212 said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:10
Gary Ruppert said,
December 13, 2007 at 19:26
The fact is, Surbers commentary is far more inteligent than the far left ranting here that you call reasoned discourse and debate. You are fail.
And all your base belongs to us, shithead.
actor212 said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:12
MzNicky said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:00
actor212: Hey cool! I always wondered what the words to the Swedish Chef song were.
If you go to Google’s language tools page, and scroll down, you can render the Google search page in “Bork! Bork! Bork!” and learn how to speak liek der Jeff…BORKBORKBORK!
Jay said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:13
A classic. Read the rest of the few comments.
actor212 said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:13
Saul said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:06
8th Commandment my liberal friend.
Which 8th commandment, heathen? There are three: the old testament, the catholic, and the protestant.
You could look it up, pagan commie bastard.
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:13
Well, dBa, CLEARLY the problem is that the people of America are not supporting the president enough to allow him to send more of them over there to kill terrorists and people who look like terrorists and people who help the terrorists and people who might one day help the terrorists and people who might, conceivably, become terrorists or give birth to people who might one day be terrorists, help terrorists, look like terrorists or give birth to more terrorists.
And it’s all because of the evil Left. They won’t stop asking questions. They won’t stop speaking their minds. They won’t stop doing any of the things that we are (ostensibly) fighting to protect here in America or (alternately, depending on the Talking Point of the Day) fighting to spread to the Middle East.
It has nothing to do with the uninspiring and unpersuasive and divisive rhetoric of the Republican leadership. It is because of the lock-step hive mind of the Left, led by the socialists in the Media and the Democratic Party, who won’t just shut up and blindly accept the uninspiring and unpersuasive and divisive rhetoric of the Republican leadership.
And if you don’t understand that exactly the way that Sean Hannity understands it, then you hate America!
actor212 said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:15
Saul said,
December 13, 2007 at 21:45
The bottom line is, liberals don’t know a good public policy idea when they see one
Yea…as I post on my blog…”Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things…every one!”
We have such a shitty record on public policy…
MzNicky said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:16
I-I-I-I- owa!
Where the pols came sweepin’ down the plain
Snow was three feet deep,
It froze their feet
But they bloviated all the same!
I-I-I-I- owa!
First the ‘thugs, and then the Democrats
Hot air everywhere
Nobody cared
Cuz they’re up and gone in nothin’ flat!
Okay, I’m just tryin’ to make it into a musical. It’s really not that hard if you try for like more than three minutes.
Kathleen said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:19
that one is awesome Mznicky.
Legalize said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:21
OT: Wasn’t the Mitchell Report supposed to rock my world?
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:23
Man, I am REALLY confused. I pulled out my King James bible to double-check our rabbi friend’s work (he suffers from the dreaded CHD – Conservative Honesty Deficiency – Please give!). It’s Exodus, Chapter 20, but the commandments aren’t numbered, and some of the comandments go on and on, and it’s hard sometimes to tell where one begins and another ends!
And I just counted eleven commandments!
I dunno, my rabbi friend. By my figurin’, “Thou shalt not steal” is the NINTH commandment!
Galactic Dustbin said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:29
he gets paid for that?!?!?1
dBa said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:36
I don’t hate all America, just 24% of it.
The Suburbs said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:38
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh!
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh!
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
I’m into sammiches and that’s about it
Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh! Yeee-ahhh!
Jay said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:43
he gets paid for that?!?!?1
From here.
“The Charleston case raises some interesting issues given its context: many of the operational aspects of the two papers – including the pricing of advertising and subscriptions – had been combined since 1958 in a joint operating arrangement, but the owners of those papers retained the ability and incentive to compete with one another to attract readers to their own newspaper, rather than merely enhancing the value of the venture. The acquisition extinguished that competition, and would have swiftly led to the closure of the acquired newspaper had our investigation not intervened.”
If you wanted to shut down, allegedly, a paper you owned, who would you have writing for you?
The Suburbs said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:44
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL1Qh8nERdg
FlipYrWhig said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:55
Look out y’all, I’m Don Surber
Spittin’ out liberals like a jar of Gerber
Spin ya raw like yarn on a berber
Got more quips than Jimmy Thurber
zython said,
December 13, 2007 at 22:58
What I find funny is that Saul still insists that he’s Jewish even though I’ve proven that he’s not. Expect Saul to run with his tail between his legs again.
Hoosier X said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:22
What happened to our rabbi friend?
Do you think that he got upset because we countered his civil, reasoned -and totally sincere – discourse with well-deserved mockery?
David in NYC said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:26
Saul –
What actor212 said.
And if you’re going to tell us only about the Jewish/Old Testament version, how come there are either 14 or 15 commandments (depending on how you parse the verses) in that version, and “Thou shalt not steal” is either 10th or 11th? Exodus 20:2-17, to save you the trouble of looking it up.
What a maroon.
Fozzetti said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:34
Four years I thought the War song went “I get really depressed, I get really depressed…” I loved it!
Smiling Mortician said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:35
Peedrops on undies and knickers all wadded,
Bright dreams of weapons and folks rightly godded,
Brown paper wrapping on all kinds of snuff,
This is a bunch of Don’s favorite stuff!
Soil said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:41
The bottom line is; The fact of the matter is; What it All Boils Down To is; The Hub of the matter is; What I really mean is; In Short-
Fozzetti said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:43
Kathleen: Remember in Tom Sawyer he thought 2 of the deciples were David & Goliath?
kingubu said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:44
Thanks, Smilin’ Mort, now I’m gonna have this stuck in my head all day.
Fozzetti said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:49
I meant to spell deciples wrong.
Carnacki said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:52
Hey Saul, Jesus – he’s that figure in the New Testament – actually talked about taxes and other stuff. He said, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.”
So taxes ain’t stealing. But you did break a commandment with your bearing false witness.
Repent now!
Fozzetti said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:54
“D’oh!”
A word conservatives say a lot
“Ray”
the beginning of Raygun
“Me”
Their favorite word of all-
“Fart”
Their con-ver-say-tion
Lesley said,
December 13, 2007 at 23:56
To no one in particular but thought y’all might appreciate this:
actor212 said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:06
Hey there’s a solution!
If you’re sick, you get waterboarded until you’re all better!
After all, it’s so effective at making people tell the truth quickly, maybe it can heal the sick too!
Steve Rossi said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:12
Anybody seen Marty Allen?
Kathleen said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:20
actor212 has solved our health care crisis!
commie atheist said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:22
The hell with everything else…this is what I want to know:
Did British socialite give birth to Adolf Hitler’s love child…and is he alive in the UK today?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=501638&in_page_id=1770
Those wacky Mitford girls, always up to no good.
commie atheist said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:25
For the Republicans, America is still at war and, in war, things are justified that would not be permitted in peace. The Democrats believe that, if there was a war, it’s over and time to move on.
Say what? What Democrats actually believe that?
commie atheist said,
December 14, 2007 at 0:27
Anybody seen Marty Allen? (December 14, 2007 at 0:12)
The bottom line is, the democrats are… (December 14, 2007 at 0:24)
That didn’t take long.
Ruthie said,
December 14, 2007 at 5:36
…and you liberals like to invent new classes of victims to put on your social welfare programs while you foolishly to your downfall neglect hard work and self-reliance.
Y’mean like those poor, poor persecuted Evangelicals? The ones who are now managing social welfare programs under Bush’s No Fundie Left Behind program? The ones whose 503(c) organizations get paid millions to tell kids that masturbation will make them go blind–if they don’t go to hell first? “Bein’ Preznit is hard werk!”
g said,
December 14, 2007 at 5:48
Wow. A person with the mingled genes of Hitler and the Mitford sisters.
At least his book would be better written.
Ruthie said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:00
50 Ways To Pie Fake Rabbis
The problem is all inside Saul’s head–
He just can’t see
His grammar and syntax
Are such a travesty
I’d like to help you in your goal
To be troll-free
There must be fifty ways
To Pie fake rabbis….
Innocent Bystander said,
December 14, 2007 at 6:42
If I were Gary Ruppert, I’d sue Saul for parody infringement.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:37
Gary Ruppert is the Gary Coleman of SadNo trolls. Saul is the Webster.
Paul Simon said,
December 14, 2007 at 7:57
You just take up the slack, Jack
Ask for a ban, Stan
Don’t make him your toy, Roy
Just get yourself free.
To yourself cuss, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just go take a pee, Lee
And get yourself free.
Porlock Junior said,
December 14, 2007 at 8:45
OMFG! I mean, w00t!!!
Like, w00t is the word of the year? What year?
I mean, I was tempted to write w00t in some connection, a couple of times, but I realized that my kids (we’re talking about certified official Adult kids) would laugh too raucously if they saw me using something so unhiply out of date. That was about 2006, I think. Or maybe ‘05; the memory don’t work so good these days.
BTW, did you know the beloved Deborah Duchess of Devon lives in Bedfordshire?
What’s more, of the three different ways I can get to Hitler in 4 handshakes, the one that’s at once most solid and most colorful leads through Unity Mitford. (John Kenneth Galbraith, another connection, was rather a more interesting intellect — and taller! — but still gets fewer wacko points.)
Soj said,
December 14, 2007 at 9:51
When I see Surber I get this creepy image of him sitting all alone at his dinner table, plate of Hamburger Helper steaming away, a dish with a little stack of 3 slices of Wonder Bread next to it, pencil in hand as he jots down ideas for tomorrow’s column, chuckling to himself as he writes down the “funnies” for his “fans”.
Someone should send him an actual email calling him the Chaucer of Chucktown. I bet he’d begin calling himself that in the very next column he writes.
Hoosier X said,
December 14, 2007 at 9:55
I wonder how close I get to Hitler through all those times I talked to Lawrence Tierney when I ran into him in Hollywood. Tierney was, like, pals with Bugsy Siegel.
Smut Clyde said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:28
What’s more, of the three different ways I can get to Hitler in 4 handshakes
Sir Arthur Porritt was the Queen’s gynecologist at one time, before he was appointed Governor-General of New Zealand.
That makes me a handshake and a finger-fuck away from Her Majesty.
Doctorb Science said,
December 14, 2007 at 10:54
You know, Lincoln didn’t act unconstitutionally when he suspended habeas corpus — “The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended except in cases of invasion or rebellion when the public safety requires it.” The Traitor States were actually in rebellion at the time, so what the hell?
SamFromUtah said,
December 14, 2007 at 17:48
Like, w00t is the word of the year? What year?
They are a bit behind the times, except when they’re off on some parallel track that nobody else inhabits. A year or two ago during this same word-of-the-year time the dictionary sites kept throwing around the phrase mouse potato (i.e., net-surfing equivalent of a couch potato) as though this were nifty new computer slang. Their mention of it was the first I’d ever heard of it, and if you Google it now most of the hits come from dictionary sites.
At least w00t is something that was used by actual computer-using people and not pure marketroid nonsense, I’ll give them that.
dBa said,
December 14, 2007 at 18:44
Dictionary people are n00bs, but W007 pwns, ^_^
Mary Poppins said,
December 14, 2007 at 19:22
For a…
Spoonful of Surber helps the medicine come up
The medicine come uuuuuup
The medicine medicine come up
Just a spoonful of Surber helps the medicine come up
In a most unpleasant way
Hoosier X said,
December 14, 2007 at 20:31
Who’s Urkel?
Smut Clyde said,
December 14, 2007 at 21:52
Oh the troll has talking ponts dear
And he quotes them line by line
“I like Pie” says Saul the Rabbi
And he says it, every time.
Smut Clyde said,
December 14, 2007 at 21:52
ponts = points