Matt, if there’s really *three* different ladies you didn’t notice they were giving you the ol’ come-hither, then maybe you are just at a place in your life where you need to be — what you called it? Monastic. It’s not so much de-toxing as it is having to learn new habits. Eventually this stage too will pass, and you’ll wonder what you were so worried about back then. Or so I have observed among my acquaintances.

(Of course I am older than probably everybody here except Mikey, and I’ve been involved with the current partner for coming up on mumble-mumble years. I am told that this mostly proves heterosexual males have very low standards, and that’s my friends talking. Just call me the Wife of Bath, ‘cuz right now I feel at least 800 years old.)

When I first arrived in the Kingdom, the drug of last resort was “thinner” a solvent commonly huffed by the lowest of the low occaisionally to be seen hugging lamposts and screaming incoherently.

Our Lord Bush stole the heroin market from the Golden Triangle, and the Khun Sa mafia(freedom fighters) shifted production to crystal meth because hoo boy the precurser chemicals were cheap and legal and the market was ripe for exploitation.

Bangkok became a city of cranked up bus drivers.

Awwww. Buggrit Milleniumhandandshrimp.

Huff some Super-Glue if don’t believe me….but remember the monomer becomes a polymer in your lungs and you will suffocate.

I hung with a glue whore in Bangkok a few years ago.

I’d broken up with my wife of seven years and was drinking in an open-air sidewalk bar (Asok and Sukhumvit) drowning my loneliness when closing time descended and a conspiracy of patrons and staff funnelled us to the Thermae after-hours bar.

We hit it off. She had a sexy-throaty voice and the adorable good looks that can only come from the marital bliss of an American GI and an Esaarn girl staight out of Korat.

After that first night of drunken getting to know you, we started to get together on weekends to smoke “yah bah” and play a card game my ex-wife had taught me.

Then once she showed up with the smell.

She was silly and incoherent and wanted to hump like a rabbit but really wanted to giggle about everything and nothing.

The smell was distinctly that of Super-Glue.

Godfuckit. I know I had something snarky to say, but I eated it.

Ya know, now that I think about it, I quit writing about the same time I quit drinking, raising hell and chasing tail. Wild Turkey was the pin that held it all together, apparently.

The real problem with glue whores is you can never get rid of them….

Hence the schoolyard taunt: I used rubbers, they used glue …

Wait that’s not how it goes.

Unlike many genes, which have one or two alternative versions (like the genes that code for attached or unattached ear lobes), MHC genes have dozens of alternatives. And unlike earlobe genes, in which the version inherited from one parent dominates so that the version inherited from the other parent is not expressed, MHC genes are “co-dominant.” This means that if a lab mouse inherits a version of an MHC gene for resistance to Disease A from its mother and a version lending resistance to Disease B from its father, that mouse will be able to resist both diseases.
…
It was found, by Wedekind and his team, that how women rate a man’s body odor pleasantness and sexiness depends upon how much of their MHC profile is shared. Overall, women prefer those scents exuded by men whose MHC profiles varied the most from their own. Hence, any given man’s odor could be pleasingly alluring to one woman, yet an offensive turnoff to another.
…
The Swiss researchers found that women taking oral contraceptives (which block conception by tricking the body into thinking it’s pregnant) reported reversed preferences, liking more the smells that reminded them of home and kin. Since the Pill reverses natural preferences, a woman may feel attracted to men she wouldn’t normally notice if she were not on birth control—men who have similar MHC profiles.”

They’re certainly making a big deal over a small preference. The article also notes that humans have more scent glands than most mammals–in short, we stink more than most mammals. Thanks guys.

But they can still die, right? Just checking.

Bougainvillea don’t have a scent. They’re bracts, not flowers.

Loves me some Eudora Welty, BTW.

Notorious Pat beat me to the Spinal Tap quote.

Hmm….if I weren’t already happily occupied I’d be wondering when they’d start up the dating service for those mature ladies who have a great to deal to offer any young man who’d only care to take a few moments to look past the surface and contemplate it…..Matt, you can leave your number, and if my dearly beloved contracts a fatal case of midlife crisis, I’ll give you a call.

But I digress.

Do. Not. Eat. That.

mikey

throw up in your own mouth

As opposed to throwing up in someone else’s mouth?

“The official cause of death is he died of choking on vomit. It wasn’t his own vomit. He choked on somebody else’s vomit. ”

“Well, nobody knows who’s it was. You can’t really dust for vomit.”

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088258/quotes

You’re 32. A problematic age, to be sure, but:

You could be 39. (God willin’, you will be someday.) Yet, all things considered, you’re not, probably, facing the prospect of a bunch of “friends” buying you lots of birthday decorations dominated by the color black. As I am. (Are we still doing the whole turn-40-and-Logan’s Run-termination thing? Why is my palm blinking?)

I would say, “kill me now,” but if I don’t take out the garbage pretty soon the missus will do the job, and it won’t be pretty. Oh, and the doctor called: apparently my yearly checkup is going to take a little longer next time, for reasons he was reluctant to explain. Hmmm.

See, young and fulla pissnvinegar is one thing. Old, worldweary and and a little crazy is another.

You just gotta pick a side. You’ll find those youngsters are attracted to an older, scarred, slightly angry, bitter and a little scary old fucker. Or the young use ‘em up kinda rider.

What y’gotta be willing to do is create some kinda persona. Something mysterious. A good way to do that is to break something expensive. Plate glass window, jukebox, bar mirror. You’ll do a little jail time, but you’ll get crazy laid.

More good advice is available anytime you want. Just ask..

mikey