12
More From The Pericles Of The Kanawha
Let’s see what’s up with Charleston (WV) Daily Mail columnist Don Surber.
His blog is ranked the #2 most informative blog.
We will go.
To his blog and look at it.
Once again, American lefties talk themselves into a frenzy and cry, “Wolf!”
When the story broke over the weekend about the CIA destroying some videotapes, I heard the cry, “Wolf!”
Hence the title. Wile E. Coyote was like a wolf.
He was like a wolf who cried “Wolf!”
People not on the right are consistently wrong and perpetually outraged. It is like a being-wrong frenzy with them.
Where shall I place it, I wondered. Certainly behind the “outing” of Valerie Plume. Hubby named her in his “Who’s Who” entry. Ah, narcissism.
Oh no, where is my ass? Give me that flashlight.
Oh no, where is my ass?
Hold the flashlight. I need both hands.
My ass! Where is it?
Oh there it is.
Knowing somebody’s maiden name is the same as knowing if they are undercover in the CIA.
Oh my God, wait, no.
That wasn’t my ass. Where is my ass?
But this scandal seemed above the white phosphorous-is-chemical-weapons thing. But below the flushed-Koran thing. Really, I liked that one. So absurd. Ah, Newsweek’s anti-American editors are so entertaining.
If white phosphorus* was a vegetable, would we next hear complaints about vegetable weapons? Ha ha! Absurd.
What is the real Koran story, according to official accounts? The Koran was actually urinated on from someone taking a whiz outside an air vent. And the urine blew in through the vent and went splash! onto the indoors Koran. By total accident, as happens all the time!
And that means no other things happened.
The absurdity of non-official accounts is delectable to me, as I orbit the coffee machine in my heavily-farted brown slacks, searching for a hearer for the latest Hillary Clinton rumor I got from a forwarded mass email.
OMG! I forgot I was near an air vent.
Now I am covered in urine.
But whose?!?!
And certainly this is above “stealing” Ohio in the 2004 election by not winning by more than 1 1/2 Ohio State football stadiums.
I laugh to think of against the rules election practices, for such are impossible. After all, does not the one with more votes win the election? I think so. Having the one with less votes win is against election rules. So the more votes person wins by the exact number of votes they win by. Not the less votes one. So there you have it.
You know, in moments of clarity, I realize that I’m a speed bump in the path of human inquiry. Can you imagine being me? I usually can’t.
This scandal got off to a good start.
On Saturday, the New York Times reported: “C.I.A. Was Urged to Keep Interrogation Videotapes.”
ABC News: “Harriet Miers Knew of Destruction of Interrogation Tapes.”
But by Sunday, the story began to unravel. Hold the pitchforks and torches, everyone.
There was actually no torture and no tapes at all, as you are about to see:
Washington Post: “Hill Briefed on Waterboarding in 2002: In Meetings, Spy Panels’ Chiefs Did Not Protest, Officials Say.”
On Monday, more bad news. The NYT: “C.I.A. Official in Inquiry Called a ‘Hero’.”
Ah, The New York Times’s anti-American editors are so entertaining.
Oh wait.
Strike that; reverse it.
By Silvestre Reyes, the Democratic chairman of (dramatic pause) the House Intelligence Committee.
Whose brother is in business with the man who destroyed the tapes.**
Which makes no difference.
And finally, today, NYT threw in the towel: “Destruction of C.I.A. Tapes Cleared by Lawyers.”
Proving that there was no so-called “torture” and no tapes of so-called “torture.”
And that destroying the tapes was fine.
Because, look, it’s Democrats.
Over there.
See?
Ha.
Come on. There is no scandal. Again.
And this is the Wile E. Coyote part, hence the title.
Yes, Abu Ghraib was a scandal. Yes, Pat Tillman and Jessica Lynch were not the heroes the Pentagon pretended them to be.
Bush screwed up several times. New Orleans. Not doubting the CIA on Iraq’s WMD. Signing McCain-Feingold.
But he’s been president for nearly 7 years now. If you still cannot think of one thing that he has done right — and not in a snarky way — but one legitimate thing, then you sir (or madame) have a screw loose. And I feel sorry for you.
Because you are dumb like Wile E. Coyote.
Snaw-haw.
Dummy-dummy har-har moron.
You equals retard.
“Mentally deficient” is my description for you.
Ask me again and I’ll tell you the same.
Chortle fnurkle snuck-guck.
“Dai-yai-yai”: Hey look, I’m you.
UPDATE: The Anchoress noticed the pattern, too.
Great minds think alike.
* “The Fight for Fallujah (Nov 2004)”, Field Artillery Magazine: 24-46, March-April 2005 [.pdf]
** Story corrected by Ken Silverstein at Harper’s, and by ourselves: Jose Rodriguez has no business ties with the Reyes family.
actor212 said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:33
This is almost haiku-like in it’s simplicity and profundity Gavin.
Leonard Pierce said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:37
Liberals are like Peter Cottontail and the boy who cried wolf in sheep’s emperor’s new clothes E. Coyote.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:46
The Sexier Don Surber contest should get another round.
javaphil said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:49
He was drunk when he wrote this, right? Please? Tell me this person does not actually hold a job as a writer where he gets paid unless he drinks Boones Farm by the liter. And what the fuck does Wile E Coyote have to do with anything? Are they even trying? They are secretly mocking us. Somewhere all the wingnuts are sitting in a room laughing at us making fun of a parody column thinking its real. Right? RIGHT?!?!?!
Smut Clyde said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:49
My ass! Where is it?
Oh there it is.
It goes ‘Feck! Buggerybollocks!”
That is Qetesh the Qaveat Qat. That is not my ass!
Dr.BDH said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:50
So who’s the Acme Corporation with all the defective equipment — Blackwater? Halliburton? NSA? The State Department?
Gary Ruppapooper said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:50
Hi!
Don Surber is hot.
Galactic Dustbin said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:51
UPDATE: The Anchoress noticed the pattern, too.
Great minds think alike.
Thats because they are told too. How else you gonna get that sweet wingnut welfare?
harmfulguy said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:52
My ass! Where is it?
Firmly planted on top of your shoulders, Donnie. By now, even you should have learned to check there first.
Dan Someone said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:54
You sort of wonder whether Surber even read that last NYT article, which he seems to think (perhaps because of the headline) absolves the CIA of all wrongdoing in destroying those tapes.
If he had read to the end, he would have seen hits quote — from a lawyer, but not one of the CIA lawyers who approved the CIA’s destruction of the CIA’s videotapes of torture by the CIA:
pedestrian said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:54
Wow, first Megs, now Dufus McThumbpuppet here. You’d think you guys had some fundraisers going. Well it worked, I’m chipping in. Happy? :-)
Special elections in VA-01 and OH-05 today. Hopefully the tasty snicker you’ve inspired will grow to a hearty belly laugh as the results come in.
Leonard Pierce said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:55
SEXIER THAN DON SURBER:
James Thurber
Edna Ferber
Wendie Jo Sperber
Steve Gerber
A Berber
NOT SEXIER THAN DON SURBER:
The Derber
SamFromUtah said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:57
If you still cannot think of one thing that he has done right — and not in a snarky way — but one legitimate thing, then you sir (or madame) have a screw loose.
Did he actually list any?
J— said,
December 12, 2007 at 0:57
But he’s been president for nearly 7 years now. If you still cannot think of one thing that he has done right — and not in a snarky way — but one legitimate thing, then you sir (or madame) have a screw loose.
Well, he asked ZZ Top to play at his inaugural ball in 2001, and they said yes. That was a Good Thing.
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:01
The left is like Chicken Little, because they fel like the sky. And no one listened to them.
WTF??
How much will it take for you to stop posting pictures of that yellow fanged nightmare? Seriously, name your price, I’ll rob a bank.
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:08
I can’t think of anything Bush Junior has done that I approve of. I must admit I was in whole-hearted agreement with Bush the Elder when he banned brussels sprouts from the white house. I hate brussels sprouts, nasty, slimy, mini-cabbages as they are.
Marco said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:09
If you still cannot think of one thing that he has done right — and not in a snarky way — but one legitimate thing, then you sir (or madame) have a screw loose.
Great. Like I am able to think without snark? Methinks not. Plus, Donnie’s screed was full of what would be considered snark, if only it were remotely funny.
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:09
Or was it broccoli he hated? If so, I have to say I’ve never agreed with a Bush. I like broccoli.
John Moltz said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:11
Eh, I prefer the outright mocking to this ironic mocking. This is harder to read. And I am a lazy liberal.
Ah, dammit, now I’m doing it.
PhysioProf said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:11
“Bush screwed up several times.”
True, for certain values of “several”.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:13
“Hold the pitchforks and torches, everyone.”
it was either this or: “Don’t get your panties in a bunch”
Don had to make a literary choice..
Pine Saul said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:18
Shalom, gentlemen.
sophie brown said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:21
Yeah, we know Pat TIllman wasn’t a hero. He was an atheist!
t4toby said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:23
I just posted this on the last thread, but I want y’all to see this.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
mikey said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:28
And certainly this is above “stealing” Ohio in the 2004 election by not winning by more than 1 1/2 Ohio State football stadiums.
What does that mean? This seems to be a sentence constructed out of three disjoint, nonsense phrases. Stealing the election by not winning? Huh? And since when are the outcomes of elections measured by increments of “Ohio State football stadiums”? Stadiums don’t vote. How many votes constitute one Ohio State football stadium?
And shouldn’t that be “Stadia”?
I dunno. I just can’t grok teh wingnut speak…
mikey
Gavin's Ass said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:47
Stop leaving me places!!!
Doctorb Science said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:51
See, “Amused Cynic” wrote this post where he said that the Left were like Wile E Coyote, in that we were all excited over, for example, the NIE (which is like one of those ACME products), and thought it would really nail Bush (who I guess was the Roadrunner), and then it didn’t. And presumably we wound up falling into the Grand Canyon (the Iowa primary) and being crushed by a dense, orange rock (Mitt Romney?).
Really, though, the insightful part of that post was just a cut-n-paste of a semi-serious essay on Wile E. Coyote as a cartoon character (and not as a political metaphor, but possibly as a metaphor for the human condition, or as a Trickster archetype).
And then, it wound up at A Surber Carnival and The Anchoress with any bit of insight or entertainment value stripped away, distilled down to its essence: “Hey, remember all those scandals? They’re still totally not relevant, a-hyuk, hyuk. Oops, probably shouldn’t have mentioned them though.”
Gavin's Mum said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:52
I’m sure your ass can’t be far away, dear. It will be wherever you left it last. Have you checked on the bridge?
MzNicky said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:52
#2 most informative blog? What kind of information? That’s what I’d like to know.
KnaveRupe said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:03
Whoa.
Forget about the astonishing Wingnutticity of Don’s post.
Let’s have us a discussion about the fucktards at Carnegie Mellon and their “Most Informative Blogs” Study! Jesus H. Christ on a cracker! I can’t press my W, T, F and ? keys hard enough to express my reaction to that “study”.
Now, I ain’t no mathematician, but I do watch CBS’ hit Friday-night crime/math drama “NUMB3RS”, and I’m pretty sure this methodology was arrived at whilst toking mightily from some sort of beer bong.
Smut Clyde said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:07
And his ass said unto Surber, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.
Oilfieldguy said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:07
If you want to find your ass, use the plane, the plane.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:09
Which would explain, KnaveRupe, the absence among the top 100 of SN, the mightiest of intertubularformationalist blogs. And Tbogg made #28? Excuse me?
Jay said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:10
Check this out. The pic of Surber in the ad on the right, I mean. Couple more years and he’ll be wearing that wattle like an ascot. Get that man a Chinssiere!
Boot full of piss said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:12
No, no, turn me upside-down, you dingbat! The pouring instructions are printed on my sole! Up…side…down!
I give up.
Malignant Bouffant, picky eater, said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:14
It was broccoli, not b. s., that Bush the Elder disliked. I dislike them both, personally. I’d bet there’s not a vegetable that begins w/ “b” that I do like.
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:23
Thanks, M. Bouffant. Since I like broccoli, my record is consistent. Zero approval of any Bush policy, Junior or Senior.
I must say that looking at Mr. Surber’s picture is an excellent diet aid. I’m hungry, my car doors are iced shut, and I can’t go anywhere to get food. I’ll just look at that pic every time I feel a hunger pang. The perfect antidote to holiday eating, are Mr. Surber’s teeth.
Not to be all looksist or anything.
Legalize said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:25
LOL, moonbats hate Bush because they are dumb. I feel sorry for dumb moonbats because they hate America - like the New York Times and the lefties in wolfs’ clothing. They always cry wolf, again and again because they hate Bush, America, and the Troops. Their editors amuse me. And so do lefties, who do not listen to what I inform them with.
Jesus, that fucking hurts!
wagonjak said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:41
I find it incredible that the Carnegie Mellon blog ratings is so heavily weighted towards the right-wing blogosphere…especially rating the demented musings of Surber the 2nd most informative blog-WTF?. I go to these wing-bat blogs occasionally and all I find is invective and 3rd rate humor.
On the other hand, when I go to TPM, KOS, HuffPo and others I find well-reasoned columns and comments with links to real facts and information.
And Legalize, with your ignorant and uninformed ranting about the progressive blogs hating America and the troops you would be better off blogging in the wingosphere…there are too many well-informed people here to believe any of your fecal leavings….
And by the way, We Do Hate Bush for what he’s done to this once-great nation.
Snorghagen said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:41
I can think of several things:
1). He exercises regularly.
2). He provides gainful employment for a large number of assholes and hacks and incompetents who would otherwise be cluttering up the streets of America.
3). He wipes his butt… at least I assume he does. Or maybe he has one of his minions do it. Either way, it’s hygienic and considerate of others.
Malignant Bouffant said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:47
Your car doors are iced shut? Damn!! As a spoiled Left Coaster, I’ve never heard of that one before. I’m worried that it’s down to 68°F in here.
A college roommate from Butte, MT did tell me that they had to put electric blankets on their car engines overnight, so the engine would start in the morning. I’m sympathetic to y’all, but there’s no more room out here. Really.
Roland, the Headless Thompson Gunner said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:47
That writing. My head hurts.
Oh, but I have no head. That was ironical. Which is sort of like Reaganonical, but not. Sort of like how turkey ham is like ham.
Heh. Liberals deny football stadium link to election voting fraud.
Bush president for seven years. I write blog. Good times.
ignobility said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:52
Wagonjak, I believe Legalize was being facetious. That, or he had a brain transplant last night.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:52
Gavin, that was hilarious.
Lesley said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:54
Hold the pitchforks and torches, everyone for the real outrage, THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS in allcaps because that’s an issue god damnit! mary mother of jesus!
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:58
This Surber guy reminds me of this person (in terms of appearance and intellect, though not likability):
http://www.humorlinks.com/humornet/cards/ted.jpg
Roland, the Headless Thompson Gunner said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:58
I find it incredible that the Carnegie Mellon blog ratings is so heavily weighted towards the right-wing blogosphere…especially rating the demented musings of Surber the 2nd most informative blog-WTF?.
I assume it relies highly on how often those blogs are linked to by other blogs. Since the wingnut blogs generally operate in a top-down way, with the “top” blogs breaking stories and then everyone else linking to the originals… the “top” blogs look important (which also explains why there is so little original content in the nut-o-sphere.. it’s nothing but a big echoing propaganda machine).
Liberal/progressive blogs on the other hand, seem more inclined to pick a niche, generate their own content, and generally only link to blogs within their area of interest.
At least, that’s my theory… take with as many salt tablets as you like.
Gundamhead said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:05
Don Surber feels sorry for me? Well I may not have a cushy hack propagandist gig, but I don’t look like a thumb puppet/cyst/Beaker either. Not to sound like an asshole, but why are so many wingnuts so ridiculously goofy looking anyway? Look, I’m hardly an Adonis (to say the least) but looking at Surber and Noonan and the rest of them…ye gads!
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:05
Thanks, M. Bouffant, but I’m one of those people who loves the changing seasons, even the bitter winter. The only thing thing I really hate is when it gets 98 degrees in the summer, with commensurate humidity.
I lived in the Seattle area for a while. I like rain too. But not as much as they’ve been having lately . . .
Adara said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:08
I did like the poetic timing in this entry.
superdude said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:10
Holy cow, he writes for the Daily Mail? That’s not WorldNet Daily, it’s the newspaper of record for West Virginia. One would expect them to have professional journalists. The workaday shlubs who cover car accidents and fires and city council meetings. Not the people who grab all the glory, but people who are at least proficient in their craft. This makes me sad. Newspapers must really be in trouble.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:23
I lived in the Seattle area for a while. I like rain too. But not as much as they’ve been having lately . . .
Rain ain’t the half of it, Candy. We had a friggin’ hurricane last week. Well, not in Seattle per se, but for those of us on the coast the 120-mph winds and widespread power outages have been quite a trip, especially since the storm was bracketed by freak snowstorms both front and back. No, no, I see no evidence of global climate change. Nothing to see here. Just move along.
Malignant Bouffant, because wagonjak is too modest, said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:24
Um, uh, which scandal, that the CIA destroyed the tapes despite everyone from the White House down saying not to?
Or the torture irself? Or did the Dems “greenlight” the actual torture, after it happened, even if they weren’t the majority party at the time? This isn’t going away any time soon.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:25
Not enough guns in Red States news.
John O said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:27
I wish I had grown up to be a wingnut “intellectual,” like Kristol and The German Hammer and Coulter and countless other moral degenerates.
Because then, at least, I would have lots of money.
Someone save us. Jesus? Could you come take all these people away? I’ll take my chances on the rest.
thepoliticalcat said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:28
Oh, now, how can ye be sayin’ that, notorious P.A.T.? Why Father Ted’s a real love, he is. Okay he’s a bit mean to the swoony housekeeper, but really.
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:29
Yep, Mortician, you guys took quite a battering, and snow too. I often tell my friend who lives in Pill Hill that one of these days, when she’s walking to work downtown, she’ll just slide down the hill into the Sound.
We’ve had extremely mild winters in Iowa for the last few years. School didn’t get cancelled once last year due to inclement weather, much to my son’s disgust. This year, it looks more like the kind we used to have, and everyone has forgotten how to deal with it. It’s this ice I hate. It could snow all winter, but these ice storms . . . teh suxxor.
Malignant Bouffant said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:29
Smiling Mort, you are so right. If this moonbat conspiracy to take away our SUVs had any truth to it, you’d be living on the DESERT, not the COAST, wouldn’t you?
Malignant Bouffant said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:34
Senator Phil Gramm: “I have more guns than I need, but not as many as I want.”
Candy said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:35
The partner got the car doors unstuck. Now we can go eat. Once I get over Don Surber’s ugly mug and recover my appetite, that is.
the way the world looks from poca said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:36
If you want to understand Don Surber, be sure to google “Poca, West Virginia,” where dumbfuck lives. Population 1,100, and 97 percent white. And then go to google maps, and see where it is. It all starts to become clear…
Thumbpuppet Cystbeaker said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:37
Indeed. I seem to recall, one night on the zambezi, Don Surber and Wily E. Coyote came to sit in our camp. Harrumph. Indubitably, they had some important things to say, old chap, and we were well put out to hear them.
However, their english was not that of the king, nor the empire, and it quickly became clear that the words they spoke were either rubbish, or gibberish. We doffed our caps, asked their forebearance and took our leave.
As we beat a hasty retreat I recall one of our deckhands asking:
“Is that Don Surber a dickwad, or what”?
Indeed…
Malignant ("Woo woo!!") Bouffant said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:41
“W00t!” Or “w007!”
lobbey said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:42
And Legalize, with your ignorant and uninformed ranting about the progressive blogs hating America and the troops you would be better off blogging in the wingosphere…there are too many well-informed people here to believe any of your fecal leavings….
wagonjak, I think that was snark on the part of legalize, either that, or he has been hitting the bong waaaay too hard…….
Snorghagen said,
December 12, 2007 at 3:55
Yikes. How would you like to be part of the 3% in Surberville?
Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:25
http://www.dalemortonstudio.com/mascotgallery/content/mascots/ThePOCADOT.aspx
mikey said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:26
Okay, goddam it, who the HELL is Bobby Sterne?
mikey
John O said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:27
Can anyone tell me what the LEAST informative blog is? Even among those ranked, or rank?
Rightwingsnarkle said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:33
Hmmm, in that picture, he looks kind of…content.
Not a care in the world. Like he’s figured it all out, y’know?
Or it could be a lobotomy.
Kinda hard to tell with those bangs.
jesus christ said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:33
Wow, I had flashbacks to family reunions when you wrote the “heavily farted brown slacks” line. HE IS THAT GUY! Don’t forget the halitosis, and the big thighs stretching that polyester to the max, and that annoying Midwest habit of telling asinine stories with complete verbatim quotes from all of the characters set off by “and she said”, “and he said”.
In honor of this dude, I submit his favorite Christmas casserole recipe:
Christmas tree casserole
1 quart mayonnaise
1 stick oleo
1 can Kroger brand fried onions
1 large can veg-all
1 box frozen broccoli parts and pieces
1 large can reduced fat Campbell’s cream of chicken soup
4 tablespoons salt
1 small pinch pepper
Take the fried onions and the broccoli and mix it up with the soup to stick it all together. Mix up the other stuff. Put the veg all mix in a Christmas tree mold. Then put in the other stuff. Now bake it at 350 for an hour when you unmold it, the veg-all looks like ornaments and the broccoli is green, get it! Take it to the family reunion and make everybody eat some of it.
Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:33
Former mayor and city councilwoman in Cincinnati.
jesus christ said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:40
of and put the krogrer brand onions on the top
mikey said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:40
Ok. Motherfucker. It’s on.
That’s just not fair. Why did this city councilwoman build your goddam hotrod? There’s like twenty-eleven layers of information I need just to get to zero, you know it, and you’re laughing your ass off.
Dammit. Gawd help me, but this kind of shit is funny!!
mikey
Lesley said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:43
Hmmm, in that picture, he looks kind of…content.
On the inside he looks a lot like this.
g said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:44
That Harold and Kumar preview is funny.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:54
Dammit, Lesley, I laugh every time I see that angsty gopher.
And jesus christ, that casserole may be the only food that ever made me vomit just from reading the recipe.
wordyeti said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:58
I take it back. I’m sorry.
In the other thread, I joked about dosing the wingnuts. And it was bad. Of me.
To do so.
The Universe, which is listening always, as we all know. To what we do and think and write (which it has a perfect right to do since it is, you know, the Universe and all). Decided then to foist this neocortex-scrambling nonsense upon me, as a.
Demonstration, as it were, of the way that wingnut stoopid really needs no chemicalish-type enhancements to make so little sense, that by comparison, the heavily-farted sansabelts would fit like a glove. And not a Dan Marino-endorsed glove, either.
Make it stop. I said. Please, make it stop, so I don’t have to see those stained smug chompers taunting me from the message header in Google Reader.
mikey said,
December 12, 2007 at 4:58
I’m pretty sure we can fix it. We’ve gotta get the midwestern tendency to lubricate their foodstuffs out of the fucker, and put some real, well, FOOD into the goddam thing.
Hang on. I’m on it..
mikey
g said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:00
He lost me with “Teh Left = Wile E. Coyote = wolf.”
mikey said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:02
Oh, and I just wanna say.
You can go all kinds of fancy and modern, but brothers and sisters, c’mon.
If you can’t get it done with a Smith 66 and a couple SafariLand Speedloaders?
You ain’t got any sand in your sox.
Thank you.
Carry on…
mikey
Snorghagen said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:06
Yummy.
But no Surber Christmas would be complete without granny’s old-fashioned extra-bland whitebread and Miracle Whip dressing with giblets and creamed corn. Don’t forget dessert - lime jello cups, each cup with its own little fishstick and a dollop of ketchup on top. And plenty of festive generic eggnog spiked with Zima.
g said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:15
Now you’re starting to sound like Lileks, I’m afraid.
George Johnston said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:18
Even if you buy the Bush is the loveable roadrunner crap the analogy still doesn’t hold true because at least Wily Coyote fucking tried to stop his eternal enemy.
Doctorb Science said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:24
Would that Lileks would write about nasty-ass 1950s Good Housekeeping food and dumb old ads. He was halfway readable back before OMG TEH MUSLIMANIA IS COMING FOR YOUUUU!
SamFromUtah said,
December 12, 2007 at 5:58
Re: the “most informative” thing, the Carnegie-Mellon nerds may have defined the term the way they do in Information Theory. Info theoreticians have a different understanding of “information” than normal people do; it has more to do with how much stuff is in a stream of data, not so much to do with whether the stuff means anything to a human. The theory is very useful for data compression and the like, being concerned with (among other things) finding the most concise representation for a given lump of information.
Interestingly, the least compressible (and therefore most “information”-rich) data stream, from an info theory point of view, is a sequence of truly random numbers. Make of Surber’s #2-most-informative blog what you will, given that.
Lesley said,
December 12, 2007 at 6:17
A heads up to anyone who watches “Intelligence” on the CBC (one of the best Canadian shows ever)
Successive governments have been trying for years to neutralize the CBC (they’d like to privatize it completely) and I’m not surprised the higher ups in the federal government would try to have this show canned because of the reality it describes.
Some Guy said,
December 12, 2007 at 6:36
I notice no defense of any kind that would actually debunk said scandal, just pathetic whimpering about, “here we go again.” plus some weird, “it’s YOUR fault he sucks so bad.” reverse Calvinball argument.
It must really suck to be a 25%er.
Sean C. said,
December 12, 2007 at 7:16
Wait a second, did he really say that about Pat Tillman? What a son of a bitch.
Porcoises And Tuna said,
December 12, 2007 at 8:49
Ok, so right wing bloggers are stupid. But so are left wing bloggers.
Left wing bloggers pretend that we can all be nice and get along. Truth is, America has 5% the world’s population and consumes 25% the world’s resources. Truly equal distribution of wealth means an 80% pay cut for you.
You are dependent on persistent unequal distribution of wealth too.
Don’t get me wrong - the right wing is nutty and dangerous. But the left is largely delusional, too.
Porcoises And Tuna said,
December 12, 2007 at 9:22
There can be no discussion of these facts. Chomsky won’t touch it. Exterminate all rational thought?
We are 5% of humanity and consume 25% of Earth. Should we do anything about that? Are we allowed to think about this?
Doctorb Science said,
December 12, 2007 at 10:16
Sure, it’s an 80% pay cut, but also (some of) our goods would be (somewhat) cheaper. Plus we’re not really talking about taking all the world’s wealth and smearing them out into a broad global layer of what a Pakistani bricklayer would consider to be prosperity, as Neal Stephenson put it. We’re just talking about a world that’s less about fucking over every single other person than this world is now.
Anne Laurie said,
December 12, 2007 at 10:22
If you still cannot think of one thing that [Bush] has done right — and not in a snarky way — but one legitimate thing, then you sir (or madame) have a screw loose. And I feel sorry for you.
See, the year-end “Greatest Bush Triumphs Evah!!!” lists are coming up, and even Don Surber is having trouble thinking of something Commander Codpiece has done over the last eleven-plus months that wasn’t completely fvcking embarrassing even by Reichtard standards. He’s relying on us smart
arsedpeople to give him a lil hint. And Snorghagen fell for it! Good work, Snorghagen…Next up in Surberworld: “Dedicated young Heritage Foundation ‘Brown Nosers’ ensure Bush’s anus is always clean & pleasant when he moons the Reality-Based Community!”
And JC, when using a quart of mayo and a stick of transfat in one’s casserole, it’s always good to specify the reduced-fat cream of chicken soup. Because it’s important to remember our heart health, even during the busy holiday season.
Goseph Gerbils said,
December 12, 2007 at 12:01
Notorious P.A.T. said,
He hits the trifecta:
* The appearance of Father Ted.
* The intellect of Father Dougal.
* The likability of Father Jack.
Actually, that’s not true. Father Jack is considerably more lovable.
“What would you say to a nice cup of tea, father?”
“FECK OFF, CUP!”
Progressive Gold » Blog Archive » Set Incoherent Outrage Meter To Stun said,
December 12, 2007 at 12:48
[...] Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, courtesy Moby in Sadly No’s comments. [...]
gsalln said,
December 12, 2007 at 12:53
My wingnut dittohead FIL can’t think of anything that Bush has done right, either. I know because I ask him frequently. He ignores the question and has ignored it for 6 years now.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 12, 2007 at 15:58
The fact is, Bush is an awesome president, but you liberals are afflicted with BDS and he will never be any good unless he surrenders to terror in your book. Another fact, is the dems OKed torture back in 2002, so get off your high horse. It works.
g said,
December 12, 2007 at 16:57
Jeez, now Gary’s multiple-spamming his posts. I guess maybe the wingnut welfare is experiencing budget cuts.
The only positive thing I can say about Bush is that his 2 dogs are pretty cute.
Five of Diamonds said,
December 12, 2007 at 18:20
Did Wile E. Coyote cry wolf? I thought he was involved in Quixiotic and dangerous adventures, misusing technology and general common sense to the point of self-harm, to caputure a prize that was unattainable and overblown?
But, it’s no good comparison to winger foreign policy, because Wile E. never got other people killed.
Larry Ruppert said,
December 12, 2007 at 18:20
Don’t despair John O. You can always convert. After all, Irving Kristol is the fabled ‘liberal mugged by reality’. Perphaps even D Ho is willing to share some of that sweet sweet foundation money.
I hope you have left ultra far-left unhinged moonbat comments all over the internet? A track record is always good.
(Once you get the money you can always re-convert (de-convert?). Mushy, fake centrism is always a safe bet.)
Michael Bérubé said,
December 12, 2007 at 21:11
Where shall I place it, I wondered. Certainly behind the “outing” of Valerie Plume.
Who is Valerie Plume, anyway? Is she a lesb***n?
actor212 said,
December 12, 2007 at 21:46
MzNicky said,
December 12, 2007 at 1:52
#2 most informative blog? What kind of information? That’s what I’d like to know
Right after Comics.com, but before NASCAR.com
actor212 said,
December 12, 2007 at 21:47
Gary Ruppert said,
December 12, 2007 at 15:58
The fact is, Bush is an awesome president, but you liberals are afflicted with BDS and he will never be any good unless he surrenders to terror in your book.
Seeing as he has already, why are you claiming we hate him?
RobW said,
December 12, 2007 at 22:54
If Wile E. had been a wolf, that frackin’ bird would have been lunch a long time ago.
Trick I learned when I lived in Michigan: when car door lock is iced up, insert key and hold the flame of a cigarette lighter under it for a minute or so. If the key has a plastic cover, use a paper clip or something. The heat will transfer to the lock mechanism and melt the ice. If you can’t insert the key, heat it up first and then insert. Repeat as necessary.
The key will be VERY hot, duh. Of course, if it’s that cold, you’ll be wearing gloves anyway.