Eggplant is the consolation prize of the vegetarian world.

First time I visited my wife’s parents, they made a vegetarian dinner for us. Ratatouille. I can’t bear eggplant … I was probably purple trying to swallow without retching (always the best way to make an impression).

It’s auberginophobia or something …

Good luck with the HomeDinXP Professional Bradley Live Edition Starter Kit ®

Without meaning to sound like a cheap bastard, the difference in quality from an 8 to 10 dollar bottle of wine and a 20 to 30 dollar bottle is really only noticed by oenophiles. If you are dating one of those, you might be better off telling her what you are making and let her bring a wine that compliments the meal. If not, wine that is on sale often tastes just as good as more expensive when to us philistines. Times is tight.

We employed two testers, both undercover, to evaluate this service. The following points were noted:

– Brad(tm) appears to have subcontracted both production of the Italian option and the Asian option to commercial catering companies, although he employs brand-labelling to make it appear as if it was produced in his facilities. Careful examination showed “General Pao’s” stamped on the uinderside of the packaging in the latter offering – and, indeed, the packaging itself was a bit of a clue. We have not had a chance to evaluate the budget option.

- The fine print on the advertising allows for substitution of peripheral items, such as the accompanying beverage In neither case did the tester receive the beverage originally advertised. In both cases, an imported wine from Estonia was substituted, which we suspect saved on costs but added little to the experience.

- Brad(tm) appears to operate an extremely hard-sell in attempting to persuade clients to upgrade to the sexual solutions package. Some of the rhetoric appears to be directly from the time-share school of selling.

- One of the testers reported Brad(tm) attempting to adulterate the beverage with some unknown substance. When confronted, he claimed that it was just icing sugar, but was unable to offer any satisfactory reason why it was in a small plastic bag, or why he was trying to add it to her wine. It is possible that this is related to the up-selling attempts made above, and we will be reporting this practice to the Better Business Bureau.

- The other tester, on her own initiative, decided to test out the sexual solutions package. While a full installation was made, as promised, she felt that the speed of the package was achieved at the expense of quality, and that considerably more training in customer support was needed. Brad(tm)’s equipment was barely adequate for the job, and she had to supplement the effort with manual systems to fully resolve her requirements.

Neither tester expressed any desire to continue with Brad(tm)’s services. We feel that his marketing strategy is poor, and that he should be aiming at a considerably lower market niche.

Nope, you don’t want to use anything that can be abbreviated as PP.

Or B-A-R

Hey, I’m curious.

Brad, I’d go with “which will be available to discerning career women in the Boston area for a limited time only”. Makes you sound exclusive and them sound intelligent and high-flying (rather than desperate for a root).

On a related topic, didn’t someone mention a Sadly orgy at some time in the past? There’s a fine opportunity for y’all to show off your ‘solutions packages’, boys.

I can vouch for this. My best friend met her husband that way: he had two golden retrievers, lollopping along the beach, they got to chatting, and it went from there.

And this girl looks like Uma Thurman, and has a bod like Angelina Jolie. So I guess she’s the absolute babe mentioned above.

A giant frantic hairy beast spewing saliva as it tries to hump her leg, or at least get its tongue down her throat, is not the image you want to put in a prospective sexual partner’s mind.

Reminds me of a boyfriend I had at high school.