Dec
4
4
Shorter Powerline
Mike Huckabee — too moralistic to protect our national security
- Governor Huckabee’s insufficient enthusiasm for killing and torturing the shifty, treacherous Sand People makes him unfit to defend the Fatherland.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
owlbear1 said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:09
Like an icepick, Dude!
Like an Icepick!
MzNicky said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:14
Now we learn (but are surprised) that Huckabee opposes waterboarding and would close the Guantanamo Bay detention center … Waterboarding and long-term detention aren’t very “Christian”…
Unlike that of the usual demented Jesus Warriors, Huckabee’s Christianiness is way too Christiany.
But if Huckabee actually did reach his position based on the views of a handful of generals, and without consulting the people actually charged with protecting this country from terrorists, then he’s even less qualified to be president than I suspect.
Cuz the handful (actually, more like a roomful) of generals who think Chimpy is batshit crazy have no interest in protecting us from turrists.
Meghan said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:16
Now, see, MzNicky, I was just going to paste that last part myself. I missed the point at which generals were deemed no longer to be in charge of protecting this country, from terrorists or otherwise. What role do they have, then? And why should Bush listen to his generals on the ground (not that he does, but if he did) when they aren’t charged with protecting this country?
mind = boggled again
HemlockEcho said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:35
Multiple choice question to the ed’s at powerline: Do you think that we are fundamentally insecure and in the cross-hairs of terrorists worldwide because we are a.) too moralistic, or b.) nor moralistic enough? Follow-up, do you think the solution is to elect someone who is a.) more moralistic, or b.) less moralistic?
mdhatter said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:38
..and without consulting the people actually charged with protecting this country from terrorists, then he’s even less qualified to be president than I suspect.
Who other than generals protects us from the terra-ists? From the way this war has been per…er…., prosecuted, I feel a minister might be the right one to take that additional level consultation.
SamFromUtah said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:40
I missed the point at which generals were deemed no longer to be in charge of protecting this country, from terrorists or otherwise.
Me too - but it might be that those generals are not on the ground, and it’s the generals on the ground that are protecting us.
I lose track of this shit pretty easily. Wingnut thought-fashion is as maintenance intensive as the wardrobes were in the Sun King’s court.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:42
even less qualified to be president
…
Less qualified than who?
Legalize said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:47
Oh, I hate those nasty and pernicious generals! Why do they insist on disagreeing with my advocacy of making the military torture brown people? Why don’t they listen to me?! I watch 24! Wahhhhhhhh!!!
owlbear1 said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:48
HAHA
MzNicky said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:49
RB: Oh, I think we know who.
Davis said,
December 4, 2007 at 18:51
He doesn’t tell us what the difference between “moralistic” and “moral “is. The distinction is to reassure himself and his readers that what they advocate isn’t immoral, which it is. Same thing for putting “Christian” into quotation marks. Funny how after all the blabber about the USA bring a Christian Nation and how important faith is in selecting a president, an actual Baptist preacher is unfit to lead. I agree, but for different reasons. I prefer an atheist, or a Unitarian, which is close. Maybe another Episcopalian.
Gus said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:00
Don’t forget that he referred to illegal aliens as god’s children (or something like that) too. This guy just doesn’t hate brown people enough to be the Republican nominee.
moondancer said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:03
What, unlike Giuliani he doesn’t have the SS insignia tattooed on his ass?
He’s an inbred hillbilly who still thinks the earth is flat for Gods sake. Give him a couple of months to catch up on GOP policies.
Gray Rapaport said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:07
The fact is, Christianity has never opposed torture. When Jesus was being flogged and crucified in that Mel Gibson movie, did he say “Hey, stop, this is wrong”? No, he did not. If he wanted to speak out against torture (and the death penalty, something you liberals also hate because it protects us against prisoners) that would have been the perfect time to do it.
MrWonderful said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:11
“Waterboarding and long-term detention aren’t very “Christian”; they merely keep terrorists out of action and, in special circumstances enable us to find out where we’re going to be attacked next and/or where we can find those who are planning the next attacks.”
They merely keep people accused, usually wrongly, of being terrorists out of action, until they’re freed and, in an almost Newtonian example of equal-and-opposite-reaction, BECOME terrorists.
“In special circumstances” = on 24.
And yes, I would italicize 24, above, if I knew how. But I don’t.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:16
The fact is, I suck.
Saul said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:23
The important thing is, I’m meeting new people.
Arky - Cthulusexual said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:24
Alternate Shorter Powerline: Give me hate or give me death!
Ex-Fed said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:29
“Moralistic” is defined as having the desire to actually apply morals to difficult decisions, rather than simply having them in the abstract and believing they might be applicable in a more perfect world without brown people wanting to KILL ALL OUR CHILDREN. To the Powerline folks, morals are like hot women when you are married: OK to look discreetly, but not OK to touch.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:30
Apparently, Powerline Christians know when to cut the crap and discard their Christian principles, whereas Huckabee doesn’t recognize that some situations call for a different set of ethics. Stupid Baptist.
mdhatter said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:32
A Unitarian!? Wrong century, now we’re ridiculed like the mormons.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:34
The only church I’ve ever belonged to was a UU congregation in Ohio. Good folks, though the claque of aging Humanists didn’t really know what to make of the Discordian-Buddhist and his pagan wife. Emperor Norton for President.
spencer said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:47
but it might be that those generals are not on the ground
Well, if they’re on the water that would make them admirals.
The important thing is, I’m meeting new people.
Okay, all this troll namestealing is making me literally angry with rage. No, wait - the opposite of that.
Snorghagen said,
December 4, 2007 at 19:55
Inflicting pain is the new morality.
Rufus said,
December 4, 2007 at 20:02
Don’t forget: the Sand People are easily startled, but they’ll soon be back; and in greater numbers.
SamFromUtah said,
December 4, 2007 at 20:50
Well, if they’re on the water that would make them admirals.
Good point. I was thinking more like that they were sitting on barstools so their feet don’t reach the floor, or maybe they’re suspended from wires like the stuntmen in Hong Kong action movies.
Who would listen to either of those kinds of general?
SamFromUtah said,
December 4, 2007 at 20:51
Don’t forget: the Sand People are easily startled, but they’ll soon be back; and in greater numbers.
Ha!
But seriously, what is all this stuff about “Sand People”? Since when have the wingnuts ever thought of brown people as “people”?
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 4, 2007 at 21:34
Once upon a time Christians wore hairshirts, flogged themselves, fasted and suffered dreadful martrydoms to show their devotion to God and Jesus.
Then one day they said fuck this, let’s torture someone else for a change!
Smut Clyde said,
December 4, 2007 at 23:33
But if Huckabee actually did reach his position… without consulting the people actually charged with protecting this country from terrorists
Would these be the people or person who made such a good job of it last time?
les said,
December 5, 2007 at 0:06
A new group is attacking Huck in Iowa (well, leafletting anyway) as he’s not xian enough. They have some smarts, at least–they don’t expect much from repubs. They call themselves:
Iowans for Some Semblance of Christian Decency
It’s somewhere on ABC if ya care.
piotr said,
December 5, 2007 at 0:41
C’mon, if Christ were so opposed to waterboarding, why He would walk on water (is if it were a board)?
What I found quite ironic is when wingnuts make some totally incincere gestures to appease some kvetching, and it drives the ultrawingnuts insane. For example, in “preparation” for the rather hollow spectacle in Annapolis Ms. Rice did not prepare any kind of positions to which Israeli and Palestinians could be pressured, (empty exercise anyway of Dubya will refrain from doing something) so to make some appearances of concern, good will and what not she “consulted President Carter”. israeliinsider.com and Jerusalem Post were full of outrage.
Another mystery is why closing Guantanamo is bad. If fucking folks is decent and legal, why can’t we fuck them on the American soil, rather than under Castro’s jurisdiction?
Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,
December 5, 2007 at 3:50
Well, if they’re on the water that would make them admirals.
Good point. I was thinking more like that they were sitting on barstools so their feet don’t reach the floor, or maybe they’re suspended from wires like the stuntmen in Hong Kong action movies.
Who would listen to either of those kinds of general?
I would! I can think of nothing more credible than a guy who gets beat up for a living, preferably while wearing some ancient and mythical Chinese costume. But then, I rather fancy Asian men, since I rather fancy Asian movies, so I’d be more inclined to listen to them anyway. Particularly stuntmen, who are quite ogle-able.
I remember visiting Hong Kong a few years ago and being thoroughly impressed with the workmen. Since HK is such a vertical city, with no unbuilt-upon land in the whole place, they’d have to knock down and rebuild in very tightly confined space between still-standing buildings. And since they didn’t have the space to drive in whacking great bits of machinery to do the grunt work, they’d throw up a bamboo scaffolding and send a coupla dozen blokes up it.
What a moving sight: bamboo scaffolding, wrapped in festive green shadecloth, festooned with oodles of blokes with a hammer in one hand, a cigarette pinched between their lips, and their t-shirts in their back pockets. Made this feline heart very happy, it did.
Back on the generals/admirals/space commanders, I don’t think we’d want the short ones on barstools. I think Chimpy’s done enough barstooling for everyone.
gbear said,
December 5, 2007 at 4:20
Apparently, Powerline Christians know when to cut the crap and discard their Christian principles, whereas Huckabee doesn’t recognize that some situations call for a different set of ethics.
They’re being Christianistic. That’s how moralistic people worship.
Julia Grey said,
December 5, 2007 at 8:34
>Well, if they’re on the water that would make them admirals.
Or Jesus. If they were WALKING.
Psycheout said,
December 5, 2007 at 10:05
Brad, I have to admit, you nailed it this time.
Huckabee: taking Jesus too seriously.
Halloween Jack said,
December 5, 2007 at 18:27
My gnome warlock in World of Warcraft made a mind-control hat with one of those twirly-spiral things on it. It looks pretty goddamn awesome.