Shorter Victor Davis Terence Trent D’Arby Hanson:
- If Iran is actually not, in fact, developing nuclear weapons, then, um, this is a big success for the White House, and Bush opponents are wrong and in trouble. No backs, infinity.1 [runs away]
Shorter Michael Ledeen:
- This so-called “intelligence estimate,” citing “evidence,” fails to acknowledge that Iran always does the exact opposite of what the US demands! Its distortion of cause-and-effect is demeaning to the Iranian tyrants and insulting to our leaders — who rightly demand an immediate end to Iran’s nuclear-weapons program! [crouches back into garbage can, slams lid]
Shorter Stormin’ Norman Podhoretz:
- Did Iran cease its nuclear-weapons program in 2003? Perhaps. Or perhaps the National Intelligence Council is secretly working for Iran. [sets off smoke bomb, disappears via hidden elevator]
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
1 Bonus verbatim Victor Davis Hanson quote: “Are [liberal Democrats] now to suggest that Republicans have been warmongering over a nonexistent threat for partisan purposes? But to advance that belief is also to concede that Iran, like Libya, likely came to a conjecture (around say early spring 2003?) that it was not wise for regimes to conceal WMD programs, given the unpredictable, but lethal American military reaction.” That frenetic rustling sound you hear is Hanson trying to finish his straw man.