Dec
4

Shorter Solons Of Neoconservatism




Posted at 19:40 by Gavin M.

Shorter Victor Davis Terence Trent D’Arby Hanson:

solonhanson.jpg

Revisionism and The Iranian Non-Bomb

  • If Iran is actually not, in fact, developing nuclear weapons, then, um, this is a big success for the White House, and Bush opponents are wrong and in trouble. No backs, infinity.1 [runs away]

Shorter Michael Ledeen:

solonsledeen-2.jpg

The Great Intelligence Scam

  • This so-called “intelligence estimate,” citing “evidence,” fails to acknowledge that Iran always does the exact opposite of what the US demands! Its distortion of cause-and-effect is demeaning to the Iranian tyrants and insulting to our leaders — who rightly demand an immediate end to Iran’s nuclear-weapons program! [crouches back into garbage can, slams lid]

Shorter Stormin’ Norman Podhoretz:

solonsjpod-2.jpg

Dark Suspicions about the NIE2

  • Did Iran cease its nuclear-weapons program in 2003? Perhaps. Or perhaps the National Intelligence Council is secretly working for Iran. [sets off smoke bomb, disappears via hidden elevator]

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

1 Bonus verbatim Victor Davis Hanson quote: “Are [liberal Democrats] now to suggest that Republicans have been warmongering over a nonexistent threat for partisan purposes? But to advance that belief is also to concede that Iran, like Libya, likely came to a conjecture (around say early spring 2003?) that it was not wise for regimes to conceal WMD programs, given the unpredictable, but lethal American military reaction.” That frenetic rustling sound you hear is Hanson trying to finish his straw man.

2 Mr. Podhoretz, who has been growing progressively more insane since roughly 1960, is now the chief foreign-policy advisor to Rudy Giuliani.

115 Comments »

  1. Rufus said,

    December 4, 2007 at 19:53

    Not that the facts ever mattered at the stink holes of neoconservative thought…

  2. Leonard Pierce said,

    December 4, 2007 at 19:58

    How do we know the “I” in “NIE” doesn’t stand for…IRAN?!?

    THINK ABOUT THAT

    pulls cloak around face, vanishes in swirl of cape into darkness

  3. Oil company CEO said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:02

    “(oil went from $20 something to $90 something a barrel after the war, enriching Iraq and the Arab Gulf region at our expense)”

    “Our expense”? Speak for yourself, sucker.

  4. Robert Green said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:02

    likewise, being a neo-con means asserting the opposite of the verifiable truth as a standard practice of the neo-con belief system (you know, leo strauss religion-is-for-the-hoi-polloi style). therefore, they are once again heroes in error, and the fact that errors were made is indeed proof that neo-con theology is 180 degrees not uncorrect.

    they are rubber and you are glue.

  5. a different mikey said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:02

    Wow, the stupid is falling like anthrax. Deep drifts of stupid that probably won’t melt till spring. If then.

  6. Bullsmith said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:04

    Now hold on, hold on. There are still reasons for war with Iran. Just not good ones. But that’s been worked around before.

    I wonder if the Dick will ever do another non-Fox/Hewitt interview?

  7. HubmoldtBlue said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:10

    So, in other words, because the Iranians are nowhere near to developing tactical, much less strategic nuclear wepons, they are now more dangerous than … Russia? North Korea? Israel?

    When does the invasion begin?

  8. Arky - Cthulhusexual said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:14

    Clearly we must declare the CIA a terrorist organization, detain them and punish those who have been involved in funding these nefarious America Haters – Congress and the American Tax Payerz!

    [Leaps on a unicorn, races off into the sunset]

  9. Dick Cheney said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:16

    I told you we should have invaded last month! They aren’t supposed to find out that their are no WMD’s until the occupation!!

    [collapses clutching at heart]

  10. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:19

    Hee hee hee! Okay! I give up! They win, the wingnuts win! They’re right, they’re right, they’re always right! Even when they’re so wrong a new word should be invented (like “wrongliester,” perhaps), they figure out a way to make it seem like they’re right, and have always been right! Haa haaa haaa! I for one welcome our new wrongliesterest overlords! I’ve finally learned to quit worrying and love the bums!! Hooo hooo!

    [runs off into distance throwing confetti onto self, stopping occasionally to click heels in the air, first one side then the other]

  11. Albatross said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:22

    Breaking News: Eight gay prostitutes claim there is no evidence of an Iranian nuclear weapons program. Meanwhile Vice President Cheney still claims that Senator Larry Craig is not gay, and announced plans to arrest Harry Whittington for stealing his birdshot.

  12. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:23

    Oh! MzNicky!
    How COULD you?? ::sob::

  13. mikey said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:24

    Damn, MzNicky, you really need to vlog that.

    Just to offset the whole malkin thing cheerleader bullshit, I mean…

    mikey

  14. Legalize said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:24

    *watches MzNickey’s meltdown*

    That’s a hell of a thing.

  15. commie atheist said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:25

    No no no, you’re all wrong. It’s not a nuclear bomb that Iran is working on, it’s a SEX BOMB. You’ve got to read the entire NIE to find it, but it’s in there, somewhere.

  16. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:25

    I heard Cheney is also demanding that Whittington replace the pheasant that he missed because Whittington’s damn face got in the way.

  17. Shorter Joe Klein said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:28

    Republicans interpret the latest NIE as saying Iran is dangerous, while Democrats come to a different conclusion. I have neither the time nor background in nuclear physics to determine who is right.

    [Clicks "Submit," yawns, and wanders off to take another nap]

  18. El Cid said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:28

    Now more than ever Iran must be taught a lesson for daring to contradict President Cheney once he concluded that Iranians had continued working on a nuclear weapons program.

    By destroying and laying waste to Iran and sewing chaos throught the entire region from Iraq to the Himalayas, other nations will understand that there is no reason whatsoever they should ever aim or not aim or maybe somewhat look like they may someday aim to possess nuclear weapons.

  19. christian h. said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:31

    Yeah well, they are right to be suspicious! Juan Cole suggests that an Iranian defector to Turkey might have brought in material proving the nuclear weapons program was terminated in 2003. Having read many John le Carre novels, and memorized every word super-expert Tom Clancy has ever written, I am now an expert on intelligence matter myself and can say with a high degree of confidence that this man is a double agent. As seems to be usual, he gave some accurate info (about the Syrian site Israel bombed) to ingratiate himself and then sold the CIA a load of horseshit on the supposedly stopped nuclear program. The liberals in Langley were, of course, only too happy to fall for this entirely transparent (to Pod and me, anyway) game!

  20. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:32

    I think El Cid just nailed it. No further discussion is required.

  21. Schroedinger's Pussy said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:33

    I would like to point out two irrefutable facts about this report.

    1) It completely vindicates the foreign policy of George W. Bush, since, if we hadn’t invaded Iraq, Iran would no doubt have nuclear weapons by now.

    2) It is false, like all intelligence reports (due to no fault of the president’s) and we should therefore assume that the opposite is true and invade Iran anyway.

  22. Mary Ruppert said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:40

    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    And on his farm he had a cow, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    With a “moo-moo” here and a “moo-moo” there
    Here a “moo” there a “moo”
    Everywhere a “moo-moo”
    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O

    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    And on his farm he had a pig, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    With a (snort) here and a (snort) there
    Here a (snort) there a (snort)
    Everywhere a (snort-snort)
    With a “moo-moo” here and a “moo-moo” there
    Here a “moo” there a “moo”
    Everywhere a “moo-moo”
    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O

    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    And on his farm he had a horse, A-E-I-A-E-I-O
    With a “neigh, neigh” here and a “neigh, neigh” there
    Here a “neigh” there a “neigh”
    Everywhere a “neigh-neigh”
    With a (snort) here and a (snort) there
    Here a (snort) there a (snort)
    Everywhere a (snort-snort)
    With a “moo-moo” here and a “moo-moo” there
    Here a “moo” there a “moo”
    Everywhere a “moo-moo”
    Old Macdonald had a farm, A-E-I-A-E-I-O

  23. stogie said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:42

    VD Hanson: Are [Liberal Democrats] now to suggest that Republicans have been warmongering over a nonexistent threat for partisan purposes?

    Bubble boy looks out on the world, and doesn’t get what he sees. Come on Hanson, you’re only about 2100 days behind the curve here.

    Ledeen: We don’t know the sources and methods that underly this analysis, and it may well be that we have acquired some totally convincing evidence that justifies the astonishing conclusions of the IC’s assessment.

    Hey, that’s exactly what I was told when I evaluated Colin Powell’s UN address as “unadulterated, weapons-grade bullshit.” Again, this chucklehead’s 6 years behind and at right angles to reality.

    Pod Person the Elder: This time the purpose is to head off the possibility that the President may order air strikes on the Iranian nuclear installations. As the intelligence community must know, if he were to do so, it would be as a last resort, only after it had become undeniable that neither negotiations nor sanctions could prevent Iran from getting the bomb, and only after being convinced that it was very close to succeeding.

    I got nothing. Once bitten, never shy, I guess.

  24. Mary Ruppert, alienist said,

    December 4, 2007 at 20:55

    As always, the only part of a corner post that makes sense is the url:

    http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NTYxODUzNTYwOGU2Mjk3ZmUzZjNlNTExNDIzNjMzMzc=

  25. tigrismus said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:08

    It’s not a nuclear bomb that Iran is working on, it’s a SEX BOMB

    Just you wait til Flipper’s copyright lawyers hear that.

    I think El Cid just nailed it. No further discussion is required.

    I think a discussion on “sewing chaos” would not be amiss. Which needle to use, cotton or poly thread, etc.

  26. SamFromUtah said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:14

    I think a discussion on “sewing chaos” would not be amiss.

    Not amiss, but probably fruitless. “Sow” (in the long-o, non-pig sense) is in the process of becoming officially spelled “sew” through sheer force of Internet misusage. Like with “scenario”, but no one has agreed on the official spelling yet, just that it isn’t that. I think “senerio” is in the lead.

    That, and even nylon thread can’t hold chaos together.

  27. Schroedinger's Pussy said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:16

    Which needle to use, cotton or poly thread, etc.

    Poly threads are an abomination prohibited by the Holy Torah.
    I mean gays.
    I meant gays.

  28. Saul said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:17

    Ummm… you met my ventrilloquist dummy?

    Say hello, pussy.

    elloh pssy

  29. Think Progress » Podhoretz’s ‘Dark Suspicion’: Intel Community Trying To Sabotage Bush With NIE said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:22

    [...] Hoggers and SadlyNo have [...]

  30. jim said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:24

    And some liberals dare suggest that US’ obsession with Iran and Iraq weapons, has something to do with a rationale to invade and possess their oil, and keep them selling their oil in dollars, which is the de facto dollar standard we’ve been burning since the end of WW II.

    To them I say: Flagburningislamofascistfetusisapersongaymarriage9/11!!

  31. Harry Cheddar said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:26

    Then in the third panel he says, “Ungh!” and ejaculates on the heart monitor.

    . . . Sorry. Wrong thread.

  32. El Cid said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:35

    Nailed? Sewed? Guess I had an obsession with sharp points, giving the lack of such from Our Preznit.

    Okay, sowing chaos. Manufacturing chaos. Farming chaos. Giving huge subsidies to the chaos industry. Chaos distribution systems. Etc.

  33. A Cute Piggy said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:36

    Okay, sowing chaos.

    Oink!

  34. Saul said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:39

    I really would probably be happier if I spent more time masturbating, and less time trying to convince you liberals that I am actually not a minor.

  35. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:41

    There are two kinds of people in the world.

    Those who can happily co-exist with two competing ideas in their heads (cognitive dissonance) and those who cannot tolerate that state.

    I think all of these asshats belong to the former category.

  36. Shane McGowan said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:42

    Leave me out of this ya dirty fooker.

  37. SamFromUtah said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:48

    Those who can happily co-exist with two competing ideas in their heads (cognitive dissonance) and those who cannot tolerate that state.

    I think the facility with cognitive dissonance has more to do with only having room in one’s head for only one idea at a time, at least that you’re consciously aware of. That way, nothing can ever be contradictory, even if the current conscious idea contradicts the one that was current five seconds ago. Rumsfeld demonstrates this effect really clearly.

  38. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:51

    Poly threads are an abomination prohibited by the Holy Torah. I mean gays.

    Puh-leeaze! Poly threads are an absolute abomination to gays. It MUST be cotton or wool.

  39. Barry Rappers said,

    December 4, 2007 at 21:59

    The fact is,

  40. Marianne Faithful said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:05

    Nailed? Sewed? Guess I had an obsession with sharp points…

    When you’re a needle, everything looks like fabric. Or a junkie.

  41. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:20

    This cognitive-dissonance business was the head-hurtz feeling you got when you believed one thing while your actions contradicted your beliefs. Think of it as a motivator rather than a final state.
    To reduce the cognitive dissonance, you could bring your actions into line with your beliefs (difficult, if your income and happy life-style depend on your behaviour); or you could revise your beliefs to match your actions (which is generally easier, though it has to be done gradually enough that you don’t notice what you’re doing and feel like a shameless careerist); or you could separate the two with an elaborate wall of rationalisations and distractions.

    That was so last century, though. No-one seems to feel cognitive dissonance these days. The whole concept has been relegated to the Dustbin of Science, along with caloric and phlogiston.

    ‘As ye sew, so shall ye reap.’

  42. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:27

    Sam-

    We’re saying the same thing. But I think the way you say it is more accurate.

  43. Kuda Bux said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:27

    It must look like the set for The Blair Witch Project 2 at the Hanson farm. Unsettlingly twisted straw figures for days.

  44. Snort said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:40

    Central Iranian Activists, that it!
    Man,these guys are sounding like Judge Doom when he bought it in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.”

  45. Alex said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:41

    Ledeen as Shane MacGowan. Genius.

    “You scumbag! You maggot! You cheap lousy faggot! Happy Christmas my arse, thank God it’s our last….”

  46. Legalize said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:54

    Goodness. I think the comments at Malkin’s site take the cake yet again: http://michellemalkin.com/2007/12/04/president-bush-faces-the-press-and-congress/#comments

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    On December 4th, 2007 at 2:48 pm, josetheguerilla said:

    Not too long ago the Libbs and the MSM were crying and throwing peas about the fact that the Bush administration had not engaged madmood. Now, that we learned Iran stopped their Nuke program in 2003, (because of Bush) do you think the MSM will point out how President Bush was right and they were wrong?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Guh?

  47. a different brad said,

    December 4, 2007 at 22:56

    I wish this mattered. Short of an impeachment of Cheney we’re going to bomb Iran. BushCo will not leave office without it happening. Most likely to happen after Hillary wins the general election, as a parting FU to her. I really wanna leave the country.

  48. SamFromUtah said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:10

    But I think the way you say it is more accurate.

    Thanks, maybe it is.
    No it isn’t.

  49. Snort said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:10

    Well, at least maybe we won’t have to see Gonetocheesi Rice use an Etch-A-Sketch, 3 magic markers, hand puppets, and a high school marching band to explain to the U.N. why we just gotta bomb those scary Iranians.

  50. SamFromUtah said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:14

    Not too long ago the Libbs and the MSM were crying and throwing peas about the fact that the Bush administration had not engaged madmood.

    Wow, it’s really a different language over there. Libbs?

    We shouldn’t engage madmood, we should engage Mad Mod.

  51. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:18

    diff brad, If bush and cheney were to do that, I don’t believe there would be a country that he could hide in without being turned over to The Hague. Even the not-insane sectors of the US population would demand it. We know he’s not going to get impeached, but that doesn’t mean he gets to live a carefree happy life after 2009. In his mind maybe, but not in the real world.

  52. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:34

    Aww, gbear, you’re such a kidder!

  53. gbear said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:38

    (suddenly gets incredibly depressed and despondent)

  54. Dorothy said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:39

    Can’t the neocons just call up their good buddy Ahmed Chalabi for confirmation? He works for Iran…

  55. Malignant Bouffant, white Negro, said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:45

    Mr. Podhoretz, who has been growing progressively more insane since roughly 1960, is now the chief foreign-policy advisor to Rudy Giuliani.

    Don’r forget this, for sheer Poddy insanity.

  56. albany layman said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:53

    Iran stopped their Nuke program in 2003, (because of Bush) do you think the MSM will point out how President Bush was right and they were wrong

    I fucking love it. The bomb-Iran faction of our government and media just got pantsed. Bare assed. Flapping in the wind.

    And here is some junior little pissant commenting on how great their trousers look. Fucking. Awesome.

  57. Gary Ruppert said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:53

    The fact is, liberals are insane if they cannot see how this is great for USA troops and our President, long may he rain.

  58. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:55

    long may he rain.
    Hail Caesar!
    [Insert joke here about 'sleet-of-hand']

  59. iamcoyote said,

    December 4, 2007 at 23:57

    Forget sewing – too dangerous. I prefer to use that nifty iron-on stuff so all my sweatshirts have way cool sparkly chaos appliques. Easy as pie!

    mmm, pie…

  60. Xenos said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:09

    From Wishing Well (a tone poem)

    Hugging like a monkey see
    Monkey do
    Right beside a riverboat gambler
    Erotic images float through my head
    So I wanna be
    Your midnight rambler
    Quickly
    Quickly
    The blood races through my veins
    Quickly
    Loudly
    I wanna hear those sugar bells ring

    It does not scan, but it makes more sense than anything V.D.H. has ever written. I think an apology may be in order.

  61. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:15

    Xenos: Well, thanks anyway. I’ve been wondering about the Terrence Trent D’Arby thing.

  62. Dan Someone said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:15

    long may he rain.
    Hail Caesar!
    [Insert joke here about ’sleet-of-hand’]

    No, we should just expect a different snow job.

  63. gbear said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:20

    Don’t even talk about snow (damned W. Thomas Smith Jr posts).

  64. piotr said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:23

    Much shorter Ledeen:

    Why should anyone believe that the mullahs are rational while I am not?

    Private comments of piotr: it is clear to me that (a) nuclear weapons are useless for Iran, what they badly need are conventional rockets giving them ability to close the Strait of Hormuz, (b) they know it, (c) it gives them jollies to make Busheviks irate, and the vocal irritations of Busheviks is giving “the mullahs” domestic prestige (d) it seems that Iranians do not have to fall for that one, the mullahs are experimenting with jingoism a la Bush to see if it will work there.

  65. IslamoCommuFascistLover said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:27

    commie atheist said: No no no, you’re all wrong. It’s not a nuclear bomb that Iran is working on, it’s a SEX BOMB. You’ve got to read the entire NIE to find it, but it’s in there, somewhere.

    Actually, you’re not too far off apparently. Having something of a masochistic streak, at least when it comes to online commentary, I just couldn’t resist going over to Free Republic and reading their comments about the whole NIE issue. Most of it is pretty much what you would expect (the CIA is controlled by Clintonistas, et al.), but at least one commenter over there adopted the same strategy mentioned above, i.e. if there are no nukes, just dream up some other kind of magical weapon:

    My God, … 2) there is a bomb out there that is supposed to cripple the United States with less technology than is required to make a nuclear device. China, North Korea and most probably, Iran have made progress on it and it involves a simple delivery of an electromagnetic bomb that would knock out all systems in America and end up shutting down our entire infrastructure. This is a very real threat and would only take a delivery system from say, an Al Queda rust bucket and send it over a major area of America, no target guided system needed, just the way to send it up, explode and disable our network of systems, from hospitals to government it would devastate all of us.

    [Gets on all fours to crawl back into the dungeon that the Free Republic site is…]

  66. jon said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:32

    Footnote 1: If the first statement is true, then any following statement is also true. I win. We can now resume our regularly scheduled bombing.

    Whatta maroon! Iran’s nuclear weapons program has always been a neocon/AIPAC fever dream. Absolutely no evidence ever presented to substantiate any aspect of the story. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. Absolutely no way to support the assertions, either way.

    You’re damn right I’m going to: “[Are [liberal Democrats] now to] suggest that Republicans have been warmongering over a nonexistent threat for partisan purposes? ” And beat them like a redheaded stepchild back into their paleolithic caves, just in time for a 30,000lb MOB to be dialed in on their position. And you should be thankful that’s all we’re going to do to you, because we follow a just and compassionate god(ess). Or we could take no prisoners.

  67. Rufus said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:35

    Any day now, some Freeper genius is going to insist that the Statue of Liberty should be dismantled and put in storage in order to protect it from an imminent attack by Al Qaeda’s space laser.

  68. Malignant Bouffant, in sunny SoCal, said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:35

    gbear, think of all the people in the real (Pacific) Northwest & the flooding there. Then stop moaning about a few ft. of anthrax on the ground.

    And take pity on us here, stuck w/ the same breezy balmy weather throughout the winter mos. It never changes. It’s so oppressive & soul-deadening. I can barely stand it.

    Do not take this as anything even resembling an invitation to move here.

  69. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:37

    Where the fuck is The Editors? I need my modern-political-commentary-delivered-by-a-dinosaur-or-helicopter fix!

  70. SamFromUtah said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:38

    there is a bomb out there that is supposed to cripple the United States with less technology than is required to make a nuclear device.

    ….”less technology”. Yeah. Sounds like they’re babbling about some sort of very large-scale electromagnetic pulse thing, which could be very damaging — if it had a sufficient power source behind it. Like, say, a nuclear explosion 1000 times as big as a normal bomb, if it has to cover “all systems in America”.

    Tards.

  71. t4toby said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:41

    Don’t worry, M. You guys can keep Cali.

    And yes, that was Some Rain yesterday, but rain we’re used to.

    (Except the whole 20 miles of I-5 shut down until sometime tomorrow. That’s a new one.)

  72. gbear said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:43

    (suddenly gets even more depressed and despondent)

  73. Malignant Bouffant, all-American grammar Nazi, said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:44

    My God, … 2) there is a bomb out there that is supposed to cripple the United States with less technology than is required to make a nuclear device. China, North Korea and most probably, Iran have made progress on it and it involves a simple delivery of an electromagnetic bomb that would knock out all systems in America and end up shutting down our entire infrastructure. This is a very real threat and would only take a delivery system from say, an Al Queda rust bucket and send it over a major area of America, no target guided system needed, just the way to send it up, explode and disable our network of systems, from hospitals to government it would devastate all of us.

    Above we see the most dangerous of humans, one w/ a certain amout of knowledge, but w/o enough education to express it well or truly understand it.

  74. t4toby said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:44

    Snap out of it, gbear!

    My favorite Church Readerboard:

    Want to get rich quick?

    Count your blessings.

  75. IslamoCommuFascistLover said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:46

    Any day now, some Freeper genius is going to insist that the Statue of Liberty should be dismantled and put in storage in order to protect it from an imminent attack by Al Qaeda’s space laser.

    Actually I figured there would be a much more aggressive campaign to have it sent back to France which could probably use some more tired and poor Muslimaniacs. The statue itself came from the vile French-surrender-monkeys and the poem was written by a godless Jew who doesn’t appreciate the power of our Aryan-Stud-Lord Jesus. The whole damn thing is way too unAmerican to continue polluting our shores: American pollution kills stuff, so obviously French pollution would just sit there looking all stoopid.

    Where is al-Qa’eda when you need them?

  76. mikey said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:51

    Yeah, SamFrom(Get the hell out of there while you still can, Sam!!!), they’re talking about EMP. I guess they don’t really understand how EMP works. The only way to generate a sufficiently powerful pulse, one that could knock out circuits while not actually being, you know, connected to them, is…

    …Wait for it…

    A thermonuclear device.

    Detonated at very high altitude.

    So you’d not only need “nuclear” technology, you’d need a functioning ICBM.

    These idiots are dangerous to themselves and others…

    mikey

  77. SamFromUtah said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:53

    one w/ a certain amout of knowledge, but w/o enough education to express it well or truly understand it.

    Heh, indeed.

    Unfortunately, you find a lot of this same kind of misunderstanding among people I mostly agree with – e.g., in alternative energy discussion groups. There are lots of folks who mean well but don’t really understand physics. They get wound up not understanding why you can’t use the heat from bread to power a toaster (and I wish I could claim credit for expressing it that way). Such people are annoying as hell, but some of them are patient enough to be taught, and their goals are, IMO, admirable.

    Then you get bedwetters like the losers quoted above, who don’t know any physics and let that get them wound up about all of us being killed in our beds by impossible weapons. Their goals include killing a bunch of people who might be developing these impossible weapons. Not my favorite, that sort.

  78. SamFromUtah said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:54

    (Get the hell out of there while you still can, Sam!!!)

    I appreciate the sentiment. I’m looking into it.

  79. Malignant Bouffant, all-American geo-fascist, said,

    December 5, 2007 at 0:57

    Alright gb, you can come for a visit to get some sun to cure your Seasoanal Affective Disorder (not that it’s done me any good) just don’t overstay your visa.

    t4toby, I lived in Seattle (& Walla Walla) in the latter half of the ’60s & part of the early ’70s, & never thought I’d miss the rain, but 30+ yrs. here & I’m missing it. That was really a big’n y’all had, wasn’t it? Saw some nice footage of cars & trucks on a floating bridge somewhere that was barely floating.

  80. Swarthy Terrorist said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:00

    Step One: Design Superweapon

    Step Two: Burkas

    Step Three: …

    Step Four: OMG!!!1! Global Caliphate!

  81. t4toby said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:02

    It was a trip. It started raining, HARD, at midnight, and didn’t slow down for 18 hours.

    I live on top of a hill, so no skin off of my teeth. Some people really got hosed (pardon the pun).

  82. Malignant Bouffant, all-American geo-fascist, said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:09

    Living on top of a hill, as we know down here, can just mean your house will be sliding all the way down that hill. Make sure it’s tied down.

    On topic: Cliff May & Sucker Carlson on Mighty Sorry, No Body Cares discussing the NIE & Bush. I must vomit now.

  83. g said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:11

    When I lived there, I lived in the Madison Valley pretty close to where that woman drowned in her basement last year. Only we were partway up the hill instead of down in the bottom. Reading about that was scarey.

  84. t4toby said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:18

    You guys lived here in the glory days.

    I’m not sure the whole .com thing changed Seattle for the better, unless you are a realtor.

  85. mikey said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:23

    ‘Sokay, t4toby. They tell me that Sili Valley used to be called “Valley of Heart’s Delight” and was one big pastoral orchard.

    I’m pretty sure they’re full of shit.

    The only thing that grows here is concrete tiltups and overpriced condos…

    mikey

  86. Davis said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:25

    Did they notice that the NEI stated that Iran stopped the program due to international pressure and not the invasion of Iraq? But then, what do the NEI guys know? They’re the ones who tried to scare our President with that ” Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US” nonsense way back in August 2001.

  87. OTB said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:26

    I thought they had already proven that Iran’s specululum was caught giving the aids to terrorists? I’m so confused.

  88. t4toby said,

    December 5, 2007 at 1:27

    ’tis a nice place to visit…

  89. gbear said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:06

    Count your blessings.

    1) That the falling anthrax is really quite beautiful this evening, and light and fluffy to shovel.

    2) That I’ve made it home from work with no bumps or dents.

    3) That the only time I have to experience the SoCal driving experience is when anthrax is falling faster than Homeland Security can get it off the road.

    4) That the cats like their food this evening.

    I feel better now. (sigh)

  90. va said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:16

    I had to look up “solons” in the dictionary. I thought maybe you meant “salons” but no! You were totally right on. I never should have doubted you, Gavin.

  91. Fozzetti said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:29

    Sam from Utah: Good one!
    “They get wound up not understanding why you can’t use the heat from bread to power a toaster” TURBO-TOAST! WoW! Or do I mean MoM?

  92. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:36

    I thought that Gavin M. had misspelled ‘stolon’.
    “Stolons are horizontal stems which grow at the soil surface or below ground. They form new plants at the ends or at the nodes. Stolons are often called runners.
    …more specifically, a stolon is a horizontal shoot from a plant… with the ability to produce new clones of the same plant from buds at the tip.”

  93. (Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:50

    I’m just waiting for Ahmadenijad to threaten Dubya’a Daddy. I mean, the guy can restrain himself to a point….

  94. gbear said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:51

    Mikey, I have an uncle and aunt who live in Mountain View. They bought their 3-bedroom house in the early fifties for $16,000. I visited once in the early 70′s and it seemed like a pretty quiet suburb.

    Late last summer we had a rain in SE MN like t4toby’s. Lots of people who live along a creek had to climb up on their roofs as the only way to get out of the flood’s path. One couple’s house gave way and they rode it downriver for about a half mile before it lodged up against a culvert. It’s kind of our mini-Katrina and the good folks of SE MN are finding out just how well FEMA works. Very angry.

  95. Ted said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:51

    The fact is, liberals are insane if they cannot see how this is great for USA troops and our President, long may he rain.

    How long? I would imagine about 13 months longer. And Gary, we’ve figured out you’re in Bangalore. Go home and make some curried chicken.

  96. Lesley said,

    December 5, 2007 at 2:54

    2 Mr. Podhoretz, who has been growing progressively more insane since roughly 1960, is now the chief foreign-policy advisor to Rudy Giuliani.

    Poddy is the new “potty”

    (I cannot believe this guy is advising anyone. I wouldn’t let him babysit stuffed animals.)

  97. El Cid said,

    December 5, 2007 at 3:25

    Mr. Podhoretz, who has been growing progressively more insane since roughly 1960…

    Would that be a steady state growth in insanity level? Or more like a compound annual insanity? Or, wow, could he possibly have been growing exponentially more crazy with each year? My god! The possibilities!

  98. mikey said,

    December 5, 2007 at 3:37

    Would that be a steady state growth in insanity level?

    Yes. The S Field continually creates stupid, at the rate of one solar mass of idiocy per cubic megaparsec per year.

    This field has negative energy, driven by the effects of high energy particles of dipshit called “Ignoratons”…

    mikey

  99. El Cid said,

    December 5, 2007 at 4:30

    Be careful. A close approach could expose you to moronizing radiation.

  100. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2007 at 5:36

    Oh noes! Mai bozonic particles iz condensing!

  101. Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,

    December 5, 2007 at 5:46

    My God, … 2) there is a bomb out there that is supposed to cripple the United States with less technology than is required to make a nuclear device.

    Yes. It’s called “The Stupid Bomb”. It’s very cunning, and involves tricking people into watching Faux News and listening to talkback radio. That makes their brains melt and run out of their ears. Voila, instant victory! Plus a lot of messy earwax.

    China, North Korea and most probably, Iran have made progress on it and it involves a simple delivery of an electromagnetic bomb that would knock out all systems in America and end up shutting down our entire infrastructure.

    Unfortunately, the North Korean one passed by at the same time as a passenger plane, stuck immovably to the fuselage, and is now humming away quite happily on a disused airfield.

    The Chinese one is being delivered by a takeaway noodle guy on his bicycle. He’s pretty busy, so you’ll be waiting a while.

    that would knock out all systems in America and end up shutting down our entire infrastructure.

    Yep. ‘Cos once the computingery dinguses shut down, all the buildings fall down out of shame and sympathy.

    This is a very real threat and would only take a delivery system from say, an Al Queda rust bucket and send it over a major area of America, no target guided system needed, just the way to send it up, explode and disable our network of systems, from hospitals to government it would devastate all of us.

    Hey, listen, we Islamofascicommiefeminazigheyturrists down here have some bloody good cricket players: we’ve send a few over to Arabistan, so all our sharia-lovin’ comrades have to do is throw the thing up in the air and the batsmen will whack it well over the fence. Errr, ocean. No worries.

  102. Qetesh the Qaveat Qat said,

    December 5, 2007 at 5:47

    I think some folks read (look at?) too many comic books. Either that or there’s vast swathes of Teh HomeLand with really waxy collars.

  103. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2007 at 5:58

    and end up shutting down our entire infrastructure.
    As long as the chaos distribution systems are still functioning, I’m sure you’ll all cope.

  104. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    December 5, 2007 at 6:51

    “[collapses clutching at heart]“

    Wouldn’t that be convenient?

  105. Miguel de Icaza: Pure Comedy - ??????? said,

    December 5, 2007 at 7:31

    [...] The neoconservatives response was swift, check the professionally summarized version of all the punditry in one easy blog post. [...]

  106. kiki said,

    December 5, 2007 at 12:16

    I love ‘al Qaeda rust bucket’. Like they have vehicles with AL QAEDA on the side, or the al Qaeda flag or something.

    “Cap’n, I cannae understand the controols in this al Qaeda rust bucket!”

    Perhaps they’ve got a cloaking device.

  107. kenga said,

    December 5, 2007 at 16:14

    Yep. ‘Cos once the computingery dinguses shut down, all the buildings fall down out of shame and sympathy.

    Computeringerized dinguses are a trans-humanist’s fondest dream, so if they were to shut down, of course the world would end.

  108. piotr said,

    December 5, 2007 at 16:46

    “Yep. ‘Cos once the computingery dinguses shut down, all the buildings fall down out of shame and sympathy.”

    I would not pooh-pooh the danger. Many buildings have computer operated locks, so they could just shoot down, and people would not get to their offices. Classes in all newer buildings on my campus would be cancelled. Some students would buy kegs for want of anything else to do. Can you imagine the resulting chaos?

  109. SamFromUtah said,

    December 5, 2007 at 18:33

    Sam from Utah: Good one!

    I’ll have to see who came up with that. It was in one of those interminable online discussions about IT (not Information Tech, but the codename for the ridiculously overhyped Segway scooter before it was officially unveiled). People were making all sorts of absurd claims about what IT was going to be and the power source it would use. The thing about using the heat of bread to power a toaster came up in a relatively useful side discussion which may have resulted in a few readers’ going off to read up about how Stirling engines are not in fact perpetual motion machines.

    What a bunch of silliness that Segway pre-launch hype was. We relive it in some small way every time Apple announces an iProduct. Sigh.

  110. Saulzhenitsyn said,

    December 5, 2007 at 21:23

    It is a cause of lasting regret that “al-Qaeda rust-bucket” does not quite fit into the same meter as ‘salt-caked smoke stacks’.

  111. SemiConscious Dot Org » Blog Archive » And Iran, Iran So Far Away said,

    December 5, 2007 at 21:26

    [...] have charged to the rescue, doing what they do best whenever Dear Leader is contradicted – questioning the patriotism of those doing the contradicting! Huzzah, well played, [...]

  112. JABbering Stooge :: A Day in the Life…of Neal Boortz :: February :: 2008 said,

    February 6, 2008 at 20:03

    [...] Here we go with that "Cold Weather Anywhere On The Planet Debunks Global Warming! No Backs times infinity!" strawman again. Boortz appears to have flunked basic Earth Science. Otherwise, he would know [...]

  113. YourMama said,

    February 8, 2008 at 0:34

    Thank God that all you pussyassfagcommies flock around cesspools like this one. In Iran you’all would have been dead by now. Not such a bad thing…
    Suckitup

  114. tigrismus said,

    February 8, 2008 at 0:58

    It takes a brave man to post anonymous taunts on a two-month old thread.

  115. Oh Man . . . « The Agonist said,

    September 24, 2012 at 5:23

    [...] « Don't Make Lou Dobbs Angry…    The Quiet On The Middle Eastern Front » Oh Man . . . By Sean Paul Kelley, on December 4th, 2007 . . . this is rich. [...]

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