Dec
3
3
Let The Circle Be Complete
Once Lawyers, Guns, And Money and TBogg had made fun of the latest Day By Day strip, we really had no further choice in the matter.
Update: Xenos asks:
How much resentment and bitterness does this white, professional, and financially well-off couple carry around in their heads that, upon the birth of two healthy children their first thoughts center around how affirmative action is so unfair to them?
That strip is pretty hard to improve, and may indeed be a Day By Day classic. (It even has a punchline!) And yet, missing from the narrative is a certain dramatic frisson, a certain urge-toward-tension such as is found in the greater works of art. Perhaps this brings it nearer to its potential:
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:37
Thanks, Gavin.
Seriously. This little sick fuck has been getting away with this shit for weeks.
mikey
joeyess said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:39
Chris.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
That’s not what she meant when she was talking about a pearl necklace.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:55
It disgusts me that she’s just giving that milk to those babies for free.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:58
Wait ’til this gets to the diaper changing wars. I’ll bet Patricia Neal and Gary Cooper never bargained for this in The Fountainhead.
Adara said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:01
I’ve never heard of this comic strip until ye three mentioned it, but I’m ready to scream at how horribly misinformed and un-funny it is.
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:02
Okay, I’m probably the perv here, plus I’m kinda slow. But—is the guy in the “cartoon”…no, wait…is he… whacking off?
What in holy hell is wrong with Chris Muir? I almost wish our useless local paper hadn’t already dropped this loathesome strip so I could play horrified little old lady and write in and complain.
Gavin M. said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:10
This version has been, um, slightly expanded from the original…
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:13
Oh good Lord. I just clicked on the real cartoon. Duh.
You guys!! (said in an amused yet exasperated sing-song tone)
Still — Even if it wasn’t his, it says a lot about him that I would even consider the possibility.
His Grace said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:14
Gavin’s version has the added advantage of actually being funny while strangely slightly less creepy than the original.
SamFromUtah said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:15
Even if it wasn’t his, it says a lot about him that I would even consider the possibility.
Damn, beat me to that one.
albany layman said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:16
So, Muir wrote twins into the strip so that he can show both boobs at the same time? Is that about right?
Tim (the other one) said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:20
Could we work Mallard Fillmore into the Muir scene ? Like what if Mallard was the “real” father ?
Work with me here…
stringonastick said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:21
Damn, this guy is creepy.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:25
Gawd, I made the mistake of clicking through to the original. Looking on the bright side, a lactation fetish is unlikely to get Muir arrested.
Hoosier X said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:34
If nothing else, it seems to have left saul speechless.
Pinko Punko said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:38
I already said that I believed the correct sound, as we determined, was “pocketa pocketa.”
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:41
I’m with Pinkita Punkita…
mikey
J— said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:45
The babies depicted here are feeding in the football position, in which normally the nursing baby’s legs are free. I don’t know about the baby on her left, but with the baby on her right the legs are either jammed up against her body, stuck between her back and the bed, or missing. Also, Muir has mother’s fingers shoved into the baby’s fontanel.
And the babies been in the same position for a week.
J— said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:46
And the babies have been in the same position
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:47
And I guess it’s totally beside the point, but one doesn’t tuck a newborn into the crook of one’s arm, like a recently received football or something, when one is breastfeeding said newborn. Let alone two newborns. Gyaa this creeps me out.
Righteous Bubbeta said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:49
I already said that I believed the correct sound, as we determined, was “pocketa pocketa.”
The thups were just lying there and manufacturing new pixels is environmentally irresponsible, what with the shipping costs and all.
Albatross said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:51
Speaking as both a onetime cartoon writer and a father of twins, there are exactly 14,721 ways in which those strips are not funny, and 0 ways in which they are. And how does a nursing mother pronounce “®” anyway?
Lesly said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:55
I don’t get it. I really don’t.
Seriously. Not very Austiran, is it?
Nylund said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:55
Look at those babies sucking on those teets without paying a dime. And, I bet the mother is treating both of them equally. This is evil communist propaganda. Anyone else notice the color of her hair? RED! And, no doubt, this lady would not allow either of these Christian soldiers to even hold a gun.
All god-fearing capitalists are urged to denounce this immediately.
Lesly said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:56
Oh, just saw the original. Lame.
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:57
Damn. I thought there were infinity ways chris muir wasn’t funny.
But I can go with 14, 721.
Thanks, Albatross….
mikey
Pinko Punko said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:59
Do twins usually tag team? Also, doesn’t breast feeding hurt like a motherfucker for new moms or for that matter most moms when the milk comes in, and the little blotchy, shrunken raisin beasts suck away like piranhas?
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:04
doesn’t breast feeding hurt like a motherfucker for new moms or for that matter most moms when the milk comes in
It hurts at first. But then it can be, well, quite pleasurable.
Seems there was a story a while back about a breastfeeding mom who told someone she had an orgasm while breastfeeding her baby, and the someone reported her to the police and the breastfeeding mom was charged with child abuse or indecency or some such shit.
Simba B said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:04
OT, but some bad person edited the Human Steyn’s biography on Wikipedia and the edit has been standing for days…
g said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:06
doesn’t breast feeding hurt like a motherfucker for new moms or for that matter most moms when the milk comes in, and the little blotchy, shrunken raisin beasts suck away like piranhas?
No, actually it hurts like a muthafucker when the milk comes in and the little blotchy shrunken raisin beasts CAN’T such away like piranhas – if the milk happens to come in suddenly when the little guys aren’t hungry or are sleeping. If you get engorged, they can’t suck, and it hurts like hell.
So, if the milk comes in and they actually CAN suck away like piranhas, it totally feels great, because the little guys are relieving your pain, or potential pain.
It’s my firm belief that this is a totally intended biological phenomenon made to bond mothers to kids, because otherwise with all the trouble they give you, you’d dash their brains out on the rocks. But fortunately for them, they keep your breasts from exploding, so you love them immensely.
Albatross said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:17
Okay I just happened to click the very first of those non-funny strips:
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2002/11/01/
And then I happened to click a strip that was created last week:
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2007/11/28/
It’s about all I can stomach, but he seems to be recycling
jokesinscrutable comments.And Mikey, that’s why you need professionals for this sort of thing ;-)
Malignant Bouffant, nihilist, said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:25
I cannot believe that that piece of crap strip is actually printed in a dead-tree newspaper. It’s the epitome of the damage that computers & internettery have done to culture, blah blah blah. (There are non-damaging results of electron mania, but I’m always focused on the negative.)
Righteous Bubbeta said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:33
Men have testicles
Ladies have breasticles
The former attach
To some seminal vesicles
The latter give succor to
Babies and freaks
And fill Day by Day up
With content for weeks
Gundamhead said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:39
“Albatross said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:17
Okay I just happened to click the very first of those non-funny strips:
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2002/11/01/
And then I happened to click a strip that was created last week:
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2007/11/28/”
So he hasn’t improved at all in five years. As pathetic as that is, I’m releaved in a way. The idea that this cartoon could actually be WORSE than it is now…well I don’t want to think about it.
Anyway, we should at least give Muir credit for actually going to the trouble of drawing a character in a whole new pose rather than just cutting and pasting. For this strip, that’s a pretty big deal.
Some Guy said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:43
Whoa. When the hell did Female X squeeze out twins?
Gavin M. said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:04
By the way, if anyone recognizes the font that Muir is using, I’d dearly love to know what it is.
I’m torturing the hell out of a font called DigitalStrip to match it (to the point of stretching and/or squashing individual letters), but it’s still pretty easy to tell which text is his and which is added, when the two are side-by-side in the same panel…
pedestrian said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:04
I wish I owned a helpless, bedfast little redhead with a baby hangin off of each tit. Why aren’t more people in perfect mental health like me?
pedestrian said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:13
Gavin, it’s not at all obvious, you did a great job – although you probably could save yourself some labor, seeing that Muir is sure to have more funny((un)funny) where that came from.
However if Michelle & Co. run out of disabled children and go back to document authentication, you might be in for an infestation.
Albatross said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:13
Hi, me again. Sorry, but it’s either post comments here or do actual work, so…
Okay, so one of the frames of the very-not-funny comic caught my eye.
Compare the following and answer, which one was drawn by an adult professional with five years of experience, and which one was drawn by a fourteen year old girl who just so happens to be my daughter?
Now, far be it from me to brag about my offspring, but which one of those has: shading; depth; texture; fabric draping?
I’m just sayin’…
Albatross said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:14
A fudge – the preview inserts the image, but the comment does not.
Find it here:
http://albatross.org/pro-vs-kid.jpg
lobbey said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:24
OT, but some bad person edited the Human Steyn’s biography on Wikipedia and the edit has been standing for days…
I have no idea who would do such a thing.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:49
Vote for Glenn! Because we don’t want a cyborg to win, heh indeedy.
g said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:04
Um, I don’t want to be putting too much emphasis on human phenotypes or anything, but IIRC, Muir’s characters happen to be a mixed-race couple. How come the babies are the same skin color as the mom?
Just askin’.
Righteous Bubbeta said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:08
How come the babies are the same skin color as the mom?
They’re good babies.
Adara said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:24
Albatross,
your daughter’s drawings are pretty good! and I’m sure her punch lines would best Muir’s, as well.
for the love of God, can we figure out a way to put an end to Muir’s horrible strip? the more links from you all that I visit, the more I loathe it…
Gavin,
if you have a Mac and Comic Life, you’ve got the font in your list somewhere. if you haven’t and you’d like to download one, you can go here for free ones.
good job on the original tweaked font, though!! I didn’t notice any difference either.
abanterer said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:49
You know, as web comics go, I’ve always like Order of the Stick. It’s funny, especially for a gaming nerd like my self, but at least it has a punch line. And while all the characters are freaking stick figures, at least there’s a background scenery.
Muir draws like twenty pictures every year, and just redoes the frame slightly, then makes them say nothing but trite garbage that had been recycled from last weeks Glenn Beck.
In fact, there should be an on-line petition to force Muir to apologize for placing titties even if they are being suckled by newborns, on his site. It’s rank pornography, I tells ya, and we should complain to the AFA. They’ll get right on it, I’m sure.
Drummer Hoff said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:02
Hey Gavin
The font is very similar to WildWords.
tbogg said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:06
“How come the babies are the same skin color as the mom?”
Wrong couple. The liberal white girl who can’t find clothes that fit is who you ‘re thinking of.
Ruthie said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:10
If nothing else, it seems to have left saul speechless.
I guess it’s difficult to type and whack off at the same time. Could be a way to reduce the troll traffic on SN, though.
Thers said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:13
Wrong couple. The liberal white girl who can’t find clothes that fit is who you ‘re thinking of.
Oh, you mean the girl in the cartoon who has the tits sticking out.
Her.
skippy said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:14
looking on the bright side, a lactation fetish is unlikely to get muir arrested.
how is that the bright side?
LadyLynne said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:30
I’m a longtime lurker, but I wanted to say that the football carry position is not as strange as you’d think – well, except for its use in this sad little man’s terribly unfunny strip. It’s recommended as an alternative, especially for moms who’ve had C-sections, otherwise mom’s arm (or the baby’s butt) would be resting on her incision.
Truthfully, what amazes me is these twins being on the same feeding schedule. Motherhood being all about pain, poo, and sleep deprivation those first few weeks, twins would not want to make it any easier by being on a matching schedule.
tb said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:31
Don’t count on it. If Saul and Kevin are any indication it’s positively a requirement. “Must be able to type and attempt to suck own dick at same time.”
Rightwingsnarkle said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:42
“it’s difficult to type and whack off at the same time.”
Uhm, it’s not rewally to o ughn di9fficult.
anon said,
December 3, 2007 at 10:26
OTOH, credit where credit is due and all, the new strips based on the Day by Day strip are some of the better cartoons I’ve seen in the last week or so. IMO, slightly better than the Tom Toles cartoon and, unfortunately a lot better than the Tom Tomorrow reading on Olberman.
RandomObserver said,
December 3, 2007 at 11:18
Can someone explain the original strip to me. What is supposed to be the funny part?
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 14:08
The fact is, homosexuality is a sin and an abomination and…
Oh. Shit, were we talking about something else?
Oh yeah. Boobs. I, um, love boobs. And vaginas. Because I’m, like, attracted to women. Not men.
New Improved Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:43
For children…a woman
For pleasure…a boy
But for sheer ecstasy…2 pounds of calf’s liver
pedestrian said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:56
unfortunately a lot better than the Tom Tomorrow reading on Olberman.
Yeah that was sheer drudgery. His Bill O voice has gotta go. And really, the falafal jokes are getting stale.
Rufus said,
December 3, 2007 at 16:32
RO, the funny part is when you finish reading and your brain starts melting and leaking out your tear ducts. Hee hee!
Robert M. said,
December 3, 2007 at 16:39
Observer, the idea is that he’s calling her his queen, but she jokes that he must actually mean she’s a dairy queen, because she’s nursing twins.
It’s the Underpants Gnome approach to humor, really:
1) Draw anatomically bizarre “humans”, and have them make weak puns.
2) ???
3) HILARITY!!!
OneMadClown said,
December 3, 2007 at 16:45
Also, Muir has mother’s fingers shoved into the baby’s fontanel.
And with that, J has discovered how new wingnuts are created.
Xenos said,
December 3, 2007 at 16:56
How much resentment and bitterness does this white, professional, and financially well-off couple carry around in their heads that, upon the birth of two healthy children their first thoughts center around how affirmative action is so unfair to them?
To even think of such dialogue reveals a very screwed up personality on the part of Muir. I thought this strip could not get worse than the whole ‘death-scare’ series it had last year, but this beats Mallard Fillmore for unadulterated wretchedness.
kiki said,
December 3, 2007 at 17:11
I think the repetition of this image* is supposed to be part of ye humorousse motiffe. As in, “This chick’s had twins, so just like Doonesbury’s amusing representation of Bush as an asterisk, I’ll depict this concept by drawing her with babies permanently attached to her tits. Hyuk, hyuk.”
* By which I mean the repetition of this image of the woman with the twins, not the regular repetition of images in the strips, which to be fair is not unique to this guy in the world of three-/four-panel cartoons.
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 17:58
Oh, you mean the girl in the cartoon who has the tits sticking out.
If I recall correctly, they’re prehensile…
mikey
Ed Marshall said,
December 3, 2007 at 18:08
Your font is CCComicrazy
Ed Marshall said,
December 3, 2007 at 18:16
I got that using
whatthefont, it takes some playing with and it doesn’t work well unless you get font to about 100 pixels high, but it usually comes up with a match.
Clint said,
December 3, 2007 at 18:57
I decided to make a crappy, hastily-assembled remix based on Gavin’s remix and Tim (the other one’s) suggestion above.
Lookie here!
Lesley said,
December 3, 2007 at 19:03
Apparently Muir commissions the drawings and merely writes the text. Talk about lame.
I’m guessing the drawer is around ten years old.
Mallard Fillmore said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:28
Dude, I try really hard to be the most loathesomely unfunny comic strip ever. Comments like this make me wonder if I shouldn’t just chuck the whole project.
Could you do better?
(Excuse me. That should be …)
Could you do worse?
Prickly City said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:29
Where do I fit in? I try really hard to be loathesome and unfunny too!
Kathleen said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:35
my favorite is the one where the husband is too skeeved out to stay in the room while she nurses, so she calls him a “big girl.”
Men are always the ideal; even for a nursing mother who just gave birth to twin girls.
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:37
Gaaa!! “Prickly City” is what my useless local newspaper replaced the odious “Day by Day” with!! It is indeed loathesome and unfunny!
And Clint—hey, thanks a LOT, pal. Just when I thought the remix couldn’t have been more horrifying. Now I’m envisioning those poor doomed twins sucking their mamma’s tits with little duck bills.
Hoosier X said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:45
The Los Angeles Times got rid of Mallard Fillmore but kept Prickly City. I’m assuming they kept it to “balance” Doonesbury.
Isn’t it amazing that “conservative” counterpart of anything is always shallow, humorless and replete with non-sequitors and straw man arguments?
Logical Fallacy Salesman said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:46
I make a fortune off of conservative comic strips.
SamFromUtah said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:10
Could you do worse?
It wasn’t a professional attempt, but someone did manage it:
http://mentalhealth.atp.cx/?date=20020227
Galactic Dustbin said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:15
those are the well fed children EVER! 7 straight days and mom is STILL feeding them
J— said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:23
those are the well fed children EVER! 7 straight days and mom is STILL feeding them
They don’t sleep, they don’t go to the bathroom, they don’t even get burped. All they do is eat, eat, eat!
SamFromUtah said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:28
All they do is eat, eat, eat!
This pair of twins represents a great opportunity – split them up, keeping one with his real parents and placing one in a liberal home. Disallow any contact between the families. Wait until the twins are 21 or so to tell them about the arrangement and have a reunion. If both twins refuse to leave the basement and stay down there gorging themselves on Cheetos, we will have proof of the Wingnut Gene.
Halloween Jack said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:46
Isn’t it amazing that “conservative” counterpart of anything is always shallow, humorless and replete with non-sequitors and straw man arguments?
It’s doubleplusfunny in the context of the “affirmative action” strip; both Mallard Filmore and this wretched bit of business are going concerns purely because of a few editors’ misconceptions that “equal time” doesn’t just apply to elections, but to anything having to do with politics. Or, at least, to anything liberal (like Doonesbury) that people actually want to read.
Doctorb Science said,
December 4, 2007 at 0:34
What do you mean? Mallard Fillmore is a talking duck — that’s HILARIOUS. I mean, ducks don’t talk. Also his name is a pun or something. Seriously, though, it’s as funny as Garfield. Just replace Mondays with liberals, lasagna with, uh, Reagan, and the cat with a duck dressed as a 1940s reporter.
jgmurphyj said,
December 4, 2007 at 0:42
At the very least it evinces a complete ignorance about breastfeeding. No one nurses two at once; it is not necessary. Baby needs to “switch sides” to gain perspective and promote visual acuity. I am not a mother of twins but I have known a few and I believe they are nursed consecutively, not simultaneously.
Maybe he thought it would be “funnier” that way. Ha.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 4, 2007 at 0:44
No one nurses two at once; it is not necessary.
No one’s a little strong.
Robin said,
December 4, 2007 at 4:55
At the very least it evinces a complete ignorance about breastfeeding. No one nurses two at once; it is not necessary.
Lactation counselor here. :) If you can nurse both twins at once, this is actually preferable because then there’s more chance for the mother to rest afterwards. Unfortunately, twins often are on different schedules, where one is sleeping while the other is hungry, so consecutive nursing tends to be more common. But if both twins are awake and interested, simultaneous nursing is perfectly acceptable. Here’s a good page that shows different holds useful for simultaneously feeding twins.
As for visual acuity, it is recommended that if you nurse twins simultaneously, then you do change which side you hold each twin on (so you’re not always holding Twin A on your left and Twin B on your right) for exactly that reason. :)
doesn’t breast feeding hurt like a motherfucker for new moms or for that matter most moms when the milk comes in, and the little blotchy, shrunken raisin beasts suck away like piranhas?
Some women experience an easy transition to breastfeeding with no or very little pain; for others, it is more difficult and accompanied by some pain or significant pain. It’s based on a number of factors, such as prior breastfeeding experience for the mother, physiologic differences such as the strength of the baby’s suck or the presence of tongue-tie, whether there are issues like overactive letdown, etc. The experience of most women I’ve come into contact with is that breastfeeding tends to be a little or somewhat painful in the beginning while both the mama and the baby learn to feed, but that it eases with time and becomes a pleasant experience. (A lot of that is naturally induced – for example, a baby suckling releases tranquilizing hormones in the mother’s brain.) But there’s certainly no guarantee that breastfeeding will automatically be painful. :) And if a woman is experiencing serious and continuing pain, she should see an IBCLC* (anyone can call themselves a “lactation consultant” with any kind of training or not at all, so be sure to only see an IBCLC, because they’re certified to have several thousands of hours of experience and a lot of training) for help; almost all breastfeeding difficulties can be resolved successfully.
As for the content of the original cartoons… yuck. There’s nothing quite like a hostile, passive-aggressive relationship between the parents for creating a healthy environment to raise children. o_O The remakes are pretty funny though. :)
* IBCLC = International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
Pandagon :: Help Chris Muir Find Teh Funny “My Boobies!” Edition :: December :: 2007 said,
December 4, 2007 at 5:19
[...] the tradition started here, we shall join the pile-on. The original baffling stinker of [...]
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
December 4, 2007 at 6:42
wait, wait. ducks DON’T talk? i guess i must have been imagining that duck telling me to throw chris muir into a pit filled with runny cow poo.