3
The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen In My Life
We all know there’s an element of the Christian community that likes to speak in tongues and fall down when people smack them on the forehead. I’m sure they are an embarrassment to the mainstream Christian community, but by and large this element is fairly easy to ignore. I mean, it’s not like they’re smacking and falling on your front lawn or anything.
Until now.
They’re calling it a “Purity Siege”, and apparently groups of Christians think this is the perfect way to save the homosexual from his Satanic lifestyle. From what I can tell, it involves really bad singing in crowds on public sidewalks, combined with the aforementioned smacking and falling and speaking in tongues. Now, the sorts of things that usually only go on in tin shacks in Tennessee will be available for everyone who’s trying to have a fun evening out to see. This is going to do wonders for making people think the extreme edge of the Christian movement is something other than insane.
I just love that these brave Christian warriors think only to show up in front of gay bars. Because, you know, there’s no sinning going on in straight bars or anything.
Actually, I think it probably has something to do with certain preconceptions society tends to hold about gay people in general. These Jesus warriors, like most people, are probably operating under the assumption that all gay men are weak and passive. Thus, they have no fear of getting their asses beat by drunk guys coming out of a bar, which is frequently what happens when you harass drunk guys coming out of a bar and tell them to stop sinning. I think we need to start up a campaign to help these poor Christians realize that they need to worry about the souls of the poor folks who find themselves in biker bars each weekend. Don’t they need purity too?
Above: what brave souls will save these men from the sins of drinking and motorcycle riding?
Incidentally, guys…if you’re interested in saving teh gayz, something like this would probably work better.
kiki said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:34
(Insert “purity balls” joke here)
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:37
Homosexual sodomites are all going to burn in eternal hellfire.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Dagon) said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:40
Whoa. Did anyone else just see the first story on 60 Minutes? I think many on the right have claimed that pigs should be flying and hell frozen over if a show like that actually showed Christians being murdered for being in Iraq…..but then the story included the fact that that never happened before this war and that our troops have known about the murders but been unable to protect anyone because official protection by troops is a real invitation to get slaughtered any worse.
Can we chalk this one up to even more atrocities known about, committed due to the acts of, and kept under the rug by our illustrious Bush Administration? Dammit, that pissed me off! Well, even more, that is!
Slightly OT, but my point is in a way about these fundies here (including Bush) who engage in this idiotic shit above and other nonsense all worried about teh ghheeyyyyyy while people are being murdered.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:42
Homosexuals are a cancer that eats away at the moral fabric of a society.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:44
This is a comment in general agreement with the post.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:47
Homosexuals should all be deported to an island in the middle of the Pacific so that American society can be free of this immorality at last!
I’m Saul and I approve this message.
iamcoyote said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:47
Great idea! Next time a couple o’ them godbots come to my door I’m gonna smack ‘em in the head and see what new words they come up with!
phleabo said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:48
For moral fabrics, sure, but for decorative fabrics, homosexuals are the only way to go.
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:48
My theory: Whoever’s in charge of this crap sets up the Schedule o’ Saving so he knows where his pals will be on a given night.
This leaves him free to frequent bars on the other side of town without fear of being spotted.
Some Christian Soldiers are in for a well deserved shock and if I’m not there to see a confrontation between a bunch of refrigerator-sized drunk guys and The God Bothering Brigade, I hope like Hell it’s captured on film. IThe only problem is all it takes is one unhinged fucker who thinks God has been whispering “Kill the Sinners” in his unwashed ear to screw up everyone’s day. Maybe its time to call in the Pink Panthers.
SamFromUtah said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:49
This is a comment in general agreement with the post.
So is this. I think the ultimate effect of taking the talking-in-tongues thing on the road will be a big reminder of why it was kept off in the backwoods in the first place.
Satan said,
December 3, 2007 at 2:50
Hey, Saul! Kep up the great work! I’ll make sure the checks keep on coming!
Gary Ruppert said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:00
The fact is, homosecuality is morally repugnant to God and to all of us who honor Him. To support the gay is to support the Devil.
Meghan said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:09
Homosexual sodomites are all going to burn in eternal hellfire.
But heterosexual sodomites are in the clear? Good to know.
That Jesus Christ musical was quite amusing and the ending quite surprising. I’m going to hell for laughing at that, if for no other reason.
DrDick said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:11
Well, Jillian, I see that you have not spent nearly enough time in the South. Pentecostalism is the fastest growing branch of Christianity (scary, but true). On the other hand, the God Squad here has obviously never spent any time around actual gays. I would love to see them pull this shit outside of one of Chicago’s gay leather bars. I used to live near one and have to say there were some pretty scary people going in and out. Mind you I used to hang out in redneck biker bars in Oklahoma when I was younger.
Lesly said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:12
Purity siege. Sounds so prudish. Next: Victoria’s Secret.
MarcInLosAngeles said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:16
first video: Hilarious. My favorite part was when one guy said that there are “specific cities in th bible” that are all on I-35.. It made me wonder which ones: “lo, the holy highway shalt be built from Duluth to Laredo?” Almost as crazy as the guy who thinks the Flight 93 memorial, is actually a ‘outdoor crescent shaped mosque.’
second video.. I thought it was funny.. but, the end did look disturbingly like the guy got hit by that bus. The bus drivers in Hollywood (where it was shot), do drive like maniacs.. I’m usually pretty good at spotting special effects.. but that didn’t look like one. I hope that I just got ‘punked’ by the film makers… hate to think the guy died for a joke.
Dr Zen said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:17
I’ll have some of what they’re drinking though.
Malignant Bouffant, thinking like Jillian, except earlier, said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:22
Also see here, from CBN. These nimrods are getting desperate.
phleabo said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:23
You probably don’t want to – it’s often laced with poison.
Jillian said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:25
M. Bouffant is just lovely. Mind if I steal your brain more often?
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:45
You have to fight these assclowns. And by “fight”, I mean hit them with large, heavy objects until they stop affecting your existence.
My girlfriend in sacto in the mid eighties (later to be my very short-term wife, but that’s another story) needed to go to the planned parenthood clinic. It was being picketed by a bunch of god fuckers. We didn’t have a ton of money, but I had read “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” many times, so I found a pair of old size twelve golf shoes in a thrift store for three dollars. We parked and I clacked across the parking lot in these evil ass shoes with nasty spikes in them. I announced in my typically loud voice that we were coming in, and anybody that got in the way was gonna get spiked.
Well, three people got hurt. Two got stepped on by golf shoes, and one (called himself “pastor something”) got a straight left hand that broke his nose. Cops came. I said “my wife needs to get in this clinic for treatment, and they would not let us go in”. The cops told the bleeders and the leaders that if they tried to stop us, they would go to jail.
It was a HOOT. But I fucked up, ’cause I didn’t have a pair of sneakers to put on, so I had to clack around in those fucking golf shoes the rest of the afternoon.
As you guys are prone to say? Good times…
mikey
Jones said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:46
Am I the only one who misread that as “Purity Surge”?
Some Guy said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:47
“They’re calling it a “Purity Siege”, and apparently groups of Christians think this is the perfect way to save the homosexual from his Satanic lifestyle.”
Why not just call it the Ministry of Love and Acceptance?
Disco Jesus. Classic.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:50
Where there is homosexuality, there you will find only things that are evil and immoral such as aids, child-molestation and disobediance to God who created us all.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 3:56
Homosexuality is also anti-American, the city of San Fransisco the one with the largest queer population is also the city that banned military recruiters from college campuses, banned the private ownership of handguns, defiled religious services and prevented the Marines from shooting a commercial in their city. If San Fran decides to secede they will not be missed by those of us in the Heartland.
Olexicon said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:00
Why is Saul tlaking about Mark Foley?
jeff said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:00
Hey Gavin, would you ban Saul if he was saying all of this shit about a racial minority? I’m just wondering. I salute your openness…I’m just wondering.
Smut Clyde said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:04
I am so going to use that as an excuse, next time I’m home late from the boozer. “I know it’s two in the morning, dear, but we had to lock the doors, on account of the religious nutters who wanted us to stop sinning. They were firing religious tracts in through the windows with a trebuchet.”
The Frau Doktorin is getting just a little suspicious about the Shaun-of-the-Dead ‘Besieged by Zombies’ excuse, so I need a new one.
Jillian said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:04
Jeff, I hope you’re not really too upset.
We don’t tend to do much in the way of banning around these parts.
For the record, Saul’s an ass, and everyone around here knows it. He’s probably also a fake troll – we tend to get ‘em a lot. Better to have ‘em saying shit where everyone can see it and laugh at it than saying it someplace where they might get taken seriously.
God said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:12
Saul, I thought we went thru this already on the last thread. You can’t come here saying that everyone is going to hell (as if you bothered to check with me) and then come back crying that the world doesn’t listen to you. D-U-H! Just go get a beer and watch the lava-light for a while. That always calms you down. Try to be nicer to the gays. I didn’t make no crap. You know that. Be good. Let me know if you want to come and cry so I can put a dry robe on.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:14
We’re also going to do one of these outside of Red Lobster. Repent, eaters of shellfish!
Some Guy said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:16
Shorter Saul, “San Fran is Satanic Un-American*, because they oppose a branch of the Federal government. Now, let me tell you about my plan to oppose a different branch of the Federal government…”
Real or Fake, he sure goes give my Logic/Deduction center of my brain it’s jollies.
*Kinda like a Chaotic/Evil alignment in D&D.
God said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:19
And that talking in tongues stuff just drives me up the fucking wall. Most of the folks who think I care about that are trying to make everyone speak in english when there not off on Uranus somewhere, so what’s up with that? I can answer in 100′s of languages but that gibberish get you put at the end of the line. Oh, and get out of the fucking street. You’ll get hurt.
jeff said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:21
No problem. Thanks, Jillian. I understand and think it’s definitely the right policy, and one that sets SN! above the wingnuts. But really, Saul’s not funny.
Malignant Bouffant said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:21
Jillian, you may borrow it for as long as desired, I’m not using it for much these days. And I may just borrow the Jesus Musical, I like the Hollywood Blvd. parts.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:28
Lord knows I’ve tried to stop my motorcycle riding, but it’s too damn fun !
It’s a bitch to speak in tongues w/ a full face helmet too.
Southern Beale said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:34
Oh. My. God.
What’s so sad about this is that these people really, sincerely think they are doing something worthwhile and good. It’s just so sad.
We had thousands of these folks in Nashville last summer for a “purity march” called “The Call.” Most of the participants were fasting, it was August and ungodly hot, and they were marching a few miles through concrete-filled downtown Nashville. Their walk took them past OutLoud, the local gay bookstore. And God love ‘em, the gay community came out in droves to hand out bottles of water to these marchers. A greater show of Christian love than had ever been shown them by the marchers.
It was an awesome thing to see.
Jesus said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:36
Dad! These are MY friends! Your’e just embarrassing yourself AND me!
God said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:37
‘You sure got a purity mouth.’
Heheh, I made a joke. Carry on.
God said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:41
What? Really? OK. I thought I was helping. If you don’t want me here I can go somewhere else. Anywhere, actually. See you for dinner if you can break away from your friends. Be good.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:50
Homosexuality is evil in the eyes of God. Judaism and Christianity the two largest religions in this Great Nation consider it to be sinful and 70% of Americans oppose gay marriage. The homosexual agenda is not going anywhere without judicial fiat and the sissies know it.
The Dark Avenger said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:51
Saul, did you ever wonder about this from the OT?
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:57
David and Johnathan were simply good friends and nothing more. The fact is in ancient Israel as in all mediterrian cultures what is considered acceptable behavior for men is different than here in the Anglo world. For example in mediterrian cultures it is not considered gay for two men to hold hands or even for men to sit on each others laps while here in the West it would be considered gay. David and Johnathan were from a very different culture than from us who are Anglicanized and what was considered appropriate masculine behavior was very different from our own.
Smut Clyde said,
December 3, 2007 at 4:59
Dark Avenger has prompted me to revise the Greasemonkey script for that KJV goodness:
“Very pleasant hast pie been unto me: my love of pie was wonderful, surpassing the love of women.”
Caveat said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:01
Those mofos can sing! And drum! And fall over!
I am so down with it.
ecostudent said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:11
Deported to an island in the pacific? Cool!
I guess Brad Pitt looks kinda hot…
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:12
Wow, he slapped that guy on the head, and he fell down! It appears God does exist after all!
Notorious P.A.T. said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:19
But I fucked up, ’cause I didn’t have a pair of sneakers to put on, so I had to clack around in those fucking golf shoes the rest of the afternoon.
At least they weren’t bowling shoes ; )
Dan Someone said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:23
Not to feed a troll or anything, but doesn’t Saul claim to be an Orthodox Jewish rabbi? Psst, Saul… that whole “eternal hellfire” thing? Not so much Jewish.
stringonastick said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:36
I watched some of this speaking in tongues crap when I was a teenager because some guy drug me to his church. One woman would always make herself the center of attention by having the tongues thing happen, and of course the pastor had to shut up while she was ‘channeling the word of god’. One day he had the congregation seriously fired up and was about to launch into his closer, took a deep breath, and ….. she started her weekly act. If looks could kill, that pastor would have dropped that woman cold.
Pretty much took care of what tiny bit of fading respect I had for that church, and churches in general for that matter.
Tim (the other one) said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:37
“that whole “eternal hellfire” thing? Not so much Jewish. ”
I think it’s Mediterrian….
Ed Marshall said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:44
I went to an Assembly of God school in the Chicago suburbs that was an ajunct of a mega church and we had “slain in the spirit” and glossolalia and all that. I can’t remember anyone actually busting up a Sunday service speaking in tongues (there were people slain in the spirit at appointed times). However, I used to interrupt school chapel fairly regularly when I was bored by speaking in tongues. Someone (usually someone on staff) would translate for me after I got done.
This is something kind of kept in the closet away from the casual Sunday church shopper, but it’s there among all the serious faithful of the Evangelical folk.
Doctorb Science said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:49
Hey now, cut Saul a little slack. I’m sure that since there’s such diversity of belief in Orthodox Judaism it’s just that Saul’s congregation are fire-and-brimstone, Sabbath-starts-at-midnight, Jesus-worshipping Jews.
Doctorb Science said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:51
Blah bloo blee blah bloo bladdle blibble skiddly-oten dun duh-wee dat dittin dwee dah?
Ask your doctorb about Depakote (Sodium Valproate and Valproic Acid).
Ed Marshall said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:54
Also if you hit the pentecostal church speaking in tongues sounds like someone pretending to speak Latin and in your more urban versions it sounds like someone pretending to speak Hebrew.
suedehead said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:56
“God love ‘em, the gay community came out in droves to hand out bottles of water to these marchers. A greater show of Christian love than had ever been shown them by the marchers.
It was an awesome thing to see.”
Awesome & compassionate is right but sometimes we do things simply because we can’t resist the cosmic irony.
Plus, we realize how important hydration is.
J— said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:58
Incidentally, guys…if you’re interested in saving teh gayz, something like this would probably work better.
Yes! But if Disco Jesus finds he can’t pry himself from the Holy Grill, maybe Techno Viking could fill in.
g said,
December 3, 2007 at 5:59
The fact is in ancient Israel as in all mediterrian cultures what is considered acceptable behavior for men is different than here in the Anglo world
So, like, why are we so fucked up “here in the Anglo world”, Saul, why don’t we accept the behavior of Mediterranean cultures if its all OK and fine and groovy?
Just askin.’
Doctorb Science said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:01
Marc: according to imdb, Miguel Mas is still alive and working.
Saul: you’re thinking of moths (which eat fabric, at least as larvae), and/or mixing metaphors. Cancer doesn’t so much eat as it basically grows (for the sake of growth), hogging resources, producing toxins and incidentally destroying the infrastructure. In any case it doesn’t eat fabric.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:01
All cultures are different and all have different traditions and historical backgrounds which influence their behaviors.
Doctorb Science said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:03
In the mediterr(an)ean cultures it’s normal for men to walk around holding hands and to go to bars where there are no women. Also, wearing chaps.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:06
I’m an excellent speller aren’t I.
Just joking. You see we Conservatives can make fun of ourselves as well.
pedestrian said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:08
So am I the only one here who has spoken in tongues, been baptized in fire, and slain in the Holy Spirit? It’s a trip let me tell you. Seriously, they aren’t faking, you go into a trance.
I lost it though… I think you have to believe in God. Or maybe there just needs to be a gas leak. And as someone who has had scripture read to me while I am standing in line at a gay bar, let me tell you that if they don’t cut this shit out soon someone is GONNA get violent.
Malignant Bouffant, absolutist, said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:09
I can’t imagine a righteous rabbi like Saul suddenly getting all “moral relatvist”. Saul, it’s either queer or it isn’t!! Gawd maketh no allowance for cultural differences. And we all know Anglo-American Judeo-Christian culture is the only one Gawd approves of. That’s why he brought Jesus into the world, to shift Judeo-Christianity from the Mediterranean Sea to the general English Channel (See? It’s not the French Catholic Channel, is it?) North Sea area.
Saul said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:17
Its not moral relativism to acknowledge the fact that certain cultures have different standards of acceptable behavior than other cultures, its simply stating the obvious. Do I personally approve of two men holding hands? No, of course not, however I’m from an Anglican culture and someone from a medditerranean culture would think differently.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Dagon) said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:19
Has anyone else seen this new cable channel called JCTV? It just showed up one day on my cable menu. Lots of music videos with youngsters trying to be edgy and all, but also some real winners in terms of programming.
One show just killed us. I had some friends over and we just put this one on called “The Stranger”, and it is apparently a whole series with Jesus just showing up randomly to change people’s lives. But he looks like some German rocker guy or something, and the writing is so bad….these writers went on strike at birth. I’ll try to find a link, this “Stranger” guy is just too good not to share.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Dagon) said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:39
ROFL Bouffant…..
No Stranger online! Just jctv.org with really bad music. Oh well. I thought he’d be all over YouTube by now at the very least. I mean, this network has Kirk Cameron. Come on!
The Dark Avenger said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:53
That’s some Mediterranean culture where one guy tells another one, “Dood! Yr luv iz bettah than i got from any wimminez!”.
That’s a lot more than “good friends”. If I’m good friends with someone, it means I can borrow their lawn mower for a few days, not that I think we had a better relationship than those I’ve had with the women in my live.
I think we need Gizoogle to make it even more clearer for our urban friend:
Caveat said,
December 3, 2007 at 6:54
The Anglican culture..Orthodox, Conservative or Reform?
Just wondering…
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:05
I think you have to believe in God. Or maybe there just needs to be a gas leak.
I’d like to nominate this for the best line of the year, ’07.
I know,it’s late in the cycle, but fer crissakes, “Wide Stance” is just kinda used up, and this shit is funny…
mikey
Snorghagen said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:07
Praise the Lord, Disco Jesus has resurrected!
Snorghagen said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:14
Something very similar did happen to me once, but it was the result of a large amount of really excellent psilocybin. It was certainly an interesting experience
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Dagon) said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:34
Wow, we never realized in my family how “Mediterranean” we were culturally until a friend of mine with Scottish parents ate over at our house one night and never wanted to eat at home again.
Wait, no, I really think that reflects more on culinary habits of those from the Britain than on us.
EdsAppliance said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:35
Wanna read some terrific research? This was recommended earlier. It’s solid.
The Authoritarians
by Dr. Bob Altemeyer
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
“Attitudes toward homosexuals have become markedly more tolerant and accepting in North America in a very short period of time. When I asked students what had affected their attitudes toward gays and lesbians, personally knowing a homosexual proved the most positive influence and the scientific evidence indicating sexual orientation may have biological determinants finished second. But in third place came, “I have been turned off by anti-homosexual people.”
“Virulent opposition to homosexual causes may, in the long run, backfire and hurt the opposers and benefit their intended targets, especially when the attackers claim they are acting on moral grounds and actually “love the sinner” they are smiting.”
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:36
I have some Evan. aunts that I now avoid but for a while mom made me go to church with them just to get me out of the house.
They and the other ladies often spoke with great admiration of a homeless gent who attended every Sunday and was filled with the Spirit. When he reached full spirit capacity he would run around groping women and biting them on the neck.
Yes, these dumb bitches let some strange guy maul them because they thought the Lawd made him do it.
Or they were your standard TheoCon pervs. I don’t know.
Oh waiter, your largest bottle of common sense and tetanus shots all around, please.
eebee said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:13
I’m really surprised no one has called attention to the fact that the Purity Siege Coordinator for SMU is someone called “Crunch Brown”.
Hoosier X said,
December 3, 2007 at 8:42
Saul talks a lot of nonsense, but I don’t think it’s technically speaking in tongues.
Henry Holland said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:00
Jillian, I totally disagree with the not-banning of hateful trolls, and make no mistake Saul is hateful. Here’s why:
Saul’s comments are dumb and easily mockable, especially the one about “homosexual sodomy”, which as implied, let’s the hetero’s off the hook.
But those comments are words, words have meaning, words hurt a 1,000 times more than getting hit. I think there’s a double standard at play. If Saul was continually racist in the way he’s homophobic and anti-gay, S, N! would *never* allow it to continue over multiple threads, if no other reason than the wingnut gotcha game of “See! See! You libtards are just as racist as us! We can compare the Jenna 6 to monkeys and say The Bell Curve is teh greatest book EVAH and you liebruls can’t say shit because you’re just as bad!!!!!!!!!!” IOKIYAR, as you know. You would ban that motherfucker faster than they could say “Sean Taylor deserved it”.
See, because when I read what Saul says, that part of my psyche that will never ever go away, the part that was imprinted on me as a young boy: that I’m going to burn in hell, that I’m evil, that this country is going to implode in to anarchy because I suck cock, that I’m a disease, as much as 99% of my brain knows it’s bullshit, I read Saul’s crap and I’m 8 years old and wanting to do anything, including thinking as an 11-year old about cutting my balls off with my dad’s hunting knife, to make something that I had no choice about or chance to deal with with a developed personality and outside help and can’t change at the deepest levels of my being, go away. I guarantee you and Seb, at least three of my friends hate this site because of the sometimes homophobia of the posters and especially the comments section.
Your defense, “they’ll just go elsewhere” is fucking lame. L.A.M.E. This is here, this is allegedly a snark site and the more I read it and the comments, the less it has to do with the site run by Seb that has made S, N! a daily visit for close to five years now. It’s become a distinctly nasty place and the live-and-let-live attitude towards commentors who spew hate is part of the problem. Fine, if I stop coming here, no loss whatsoever, but you totally undercut the intent of snarking at those people falling back in to people’s arms on sidewalks when you force me and other GLBTQ people to have to wade through written fag bashing to get to the quality snark. Yes, I at least have to get the gist of a comment before I hit the down button, so unless y’all can provide a “block Saul’s posts” feature –not currently here to knowledge– you’re just a part of the problem, not even remotely close to being part of the solution.
Roket said,
December 3, 2007 at 9:24
We used to call these people Jesus Freaks. The DFH crowd that I ran with learned how to tolerate these people a long time ago. What you do first is take a hit of the best acid that you can find. In most cases, the JF’s will invite you to their church for cookies and Kool-Aid so the experience is much better if you’re tripping on acid. A good time was had by all. Even the naïve JF’s. One friend of mine would be saved at almost every one of these sessions. (He told me it always made the sex better when he balled his girlfriend afterwards.) However, one friend attended only one of these sessions. She took one of those awesome Heavenly Blue Microdots and all night long kept saying, “Where am I? What am I doing here?” (It’s a bad trip for some people.) Anyhoo, I’ll never forget one of those JF’s. His name was Saul. We found out later that he was a member of the Mossad AND that he was a homosexual. This of course made him a gay Jew. We were all shocked. Not long ago someone told me he now works at the State Dept. Truth is stranger than fiction, or something.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
December 3, 2007 at 10:07
I used to be all fucked up on drugs.
Now, I’m all fucked up on teh lord.
Ted said,
December 3, 2007 at 11:34
And gave birth to PC’s and the Internet. Wish those weren’t around, then?
Ted said,
December 3, 2007 at 11:40
Can you imagine trying to govern chimpanzee behavior like this? Maybe that’s what you’re meant for, Saul. Make sure certain chimps don’t touch each others’ hands in the wrong way. You’ll feel the power you’ve always wanted.
Djur said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:03
Henry Holland:
1. Firefox
2. Greasemonkey
3. this script
Problem solved.
Smut Clyde said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:21
Saul strikes me more as a consortium than a single person, on account of the swings in style and content of his (her, their, its) emissions. I imagine a small group of like-minded individuals — some better able to spell than others — who share an interest in winding up hippies when they find themselves at a loose end.
He’s probably also a fake troll – we tend to get ‘em a lot.
I doubt that anyone was under the impression that Saul came here to voice sincerely-held opinions. He (she, they, it) has no interest in consistency, truth, logic, or good faith argument; no interest in responses. He’s only here to shout out any ugly crap that comes to mind, and to suck Teh Funny out of a thread. The goal seems to be to bore people… drive away visitors and regular commentors… make the place inhospitable.
Think of the Saul infestation as a form of sabotage — a Denial-of-Funny Attack.
My concerns seem rather petty from the perspective of Henry Holland’s comment up-thread, so I’ll shut up now.
Gil said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:29
A unreasonable number of people on this planet seem to be bat shit crazy.
Jillian said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:38
Henry, I’m really sorry if some of the things that have been said here have hurt you personally. That’s not what this is supposed to be about.
But I have to take exception to your position that “it wouldn’t be tolerated if it were racist” comment. Somewhere in the archives – I don’t know where off the top of my head, and it’s five in the morning and I haven’t had my coffee yet – there are threads that have been hijacked by neo-Nazis. And, AFAIK, every single comment they made is still there, in all its crapulous brilliance, for the world to read in perpetuity, or as long as Seb pays the server bills, whichever comes first. In fact, on one of the things I’ve written on Michael Medved – the thing about slavery – some Nazi troll showed up a few days ago and started spouting about how the reason Medved did this is because he’s a Jew, and everybody knows Jews are the reason for American slavery and profited off it. Needless to say, this didn’t sit real well with me – despite my atheism, I was raised as a Jew, and will in some ways always be one. But the comment’s still sitting there, and it always will. And there’s a reason for that, which I’ll get to in a minute.
I don’t normally do this too often, but I guess it’s relevant here: I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. Almost all of my real-world friends are bi. Except for my best friend; he’s gay. And when it comes to the difficulties of the coming out process, I know that up close and personal, because my one friend is a bit younger than I am, so I’m the one who helped him with coming out. I’m the one who told him over and over again “you aren’t evil, you aren’t sick, you aren’t a sinner, you’re just gay, and that’s a good thing to be”. I took him to his first gay bar. In fact, the only place I hang out with straight people in any quantity is either at work or online.
The words used by some of these assholes are awful. There’s no denying that. But look at what they’re met with – total, hilarious mockery. And not just from the people who write the blog – from the readers (who are often more funny than the writers, I think). Think about what that does, how it takes the wind out of their sails. It’s the equivalent of being laughed off a stage. It means that your statements are so patently stupid that they’re beyond being confronted – all that’s left to do is to point out the obvious contradictions in every stupid thing you say and just laugh at them, and you.
One of our regular trolls is a jackass by the handle “Gary Ruppert”. Every time he makes some stupid comment about “gay = pedophile”, someone here posts a link to one of those online sex offender registries – apparently there is some guy in the midwest who’s real name is “Gary Ruppert” who is on a registry as an offender. Now, does it mean that our beloved Gary Ruppert is the same Gary Ruppert that is in the database? No – but implying that it’s the same guy is as stupid as implying (or outright stating) that all gays are child molesters. It’s cause for mockery, because the person saying this is saying something patently false, is too stupid to realize that it’s patently false, and has provided us with an absolutely delicious opportunity to turn the tables on him and make him look like either a child molester or an idiot (take your pick).
And for anyone reading this who might have agreed with milder versions of some of the offensive comments, the more socially acceptable versions of them (okay, maybe not ALL gays are pedophiles, but surely it’s not safe to have them around children), my hope is that by seeing their position treated to a good old fashioned reductio ad absurdum by the troll and then summarily mocked out of existence by the delightful commentariat, it will make them think twice about their beliefs. It will perhaps give them pause.
All I can say is that as a non-straight person, I have never felt unwelcome here. I have never felt as though if I were facing discrimination, someone here wouldn’t have my back. In fact, on that Michael Medved thread I mentioned earlier, while I did go back and ream that stupid Nazi poster a new asshole, it turned out that I didn’t really have to – one of the readers here had gotten there before I did and already made fun of him for being a stupid asshole. This crew is just tight that way. And you know what? I betcha the person mocking the Nazi probably didn’t even know I’m a Jew. They just did it because it’s the right thing to do. There are only two ways to get rid of Nazis – or homophobes, for that matter: mockery or weapons. If it ever reaches the point of the latter, all I can say is that I’m a fine shot with a .38, but I hate 9mm. But for now, mockery seems to be holding down the fort more or less (a bit less than more, really, which is why I want the hell out of this country). I’m glad of that – I don’t like violence. But I’m also nobody’s victim. Writing here, in fact, is one of the things I do to defend myself.
I know that you’re a member of the pivotal Stonewall generation, Henry – it’s one of the things you’ve written about here before. I can’t possibly thank you enough for everything you have done in your life to make mine so much better. You have, you know – I can pretty openly state here that I’m not straight, and not get any shit for it. I don’t worry about losing my job, I don’t worry about people showing up at my house and harrassing me for it, I don’t worry about being chased out of town or arrested. And I owe that to you. I want things to be even better for the next generation, though – I want anyone who ever makes a homophobic comment in public to be subjected to the worst possible embarrassment. I want anyone who thinks gays shouldn’t be able to get married to be made to feel like there is something wrong with THEM for a change. And you are absolutely right when you say that words are powerful – but it’s important to remember that the haters aren’t the only ones who have this power. WE have it, too. But if you censor the haters outside of extreme circumstances, you take that power away from yourself.
I’m sorry this is so long – my internal editor doesn’t wake up until 7. And I’m really sorry if you’ve been hurt by anything that’s been said here. I know what it’s like to have to deal with the wounds dealt you by a world that seems to hate you – maybe not in the same way that you do, but in ways that leave me wounded to this day. Those wounds never really heal, but my belief is that the best we can do is to try to turn those scars into something beautiful, and then wear them with pride. I regret if words said here have made that more difficult for you or your friends, but I hope you can see that it comes from a difference of opinion, and not gratuitous callousness.
Jillian said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:53
Oh, and there is a “block commenters” option if you’re running Firefox and Greasemonkey. I don’t have the link to the script handy, but hopefully somebody will come along and leave it here – if not, I’ll leave it after I get back from work tonight.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 3, 2007 at 14:48
Snarkle–I used to joke about that too…well, still do. Such a large margin of evangelical conversion stories start out with someone hitting rock bottom either as a junkie of alky.
These folks used to come to the one private school I went to, and they used to get really mad at me for not falling over. But I just flat out refused to do it. I always was in the Principal’s office for the weirdest shit. Like that and defying a teacher who said that my Jewish friends were going to hell. Or in Kansas, wearing a hat and then laughing at teachers’ alarm that hats are a sign of gang membership….lol…having moved from Miami, I just couldn’t stop laughing at that one.
Rafar said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:06
“So am I the only one here who has spoken in tongues, been baptized in fire, and slain in the Holy Spirit? ”
Nope, not the only one, I did/was too. Weird shit. I only gave the whole thing up when I found myself having the demons of “Reason and rationality” cast forcibly from me (at my own request).
I sort of thought “Hang on a minute, what did I just say?” and then I woke up.
I never really felt like the tongues thing worked for me though. Too many Ks and Zs.
(Lex) Skink Tyree (Azagthoth) said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:16
JIillian–I’m using Firefox and I don’t see that option, but then I’m not very good at figuring this stuff out.
Henry–I understand you loud & clear, and it can be frustrating. But at least here Saul is but one against many others who are not anti-LGBT. In many areas online and off, some people actually defend people like Saul on the grounds that they “just have a different set of values”. That doesn’t happen here, and Jillian is quite right. Snarky mockery will always save the day.
Ginger Yellow said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:18
“If Saul was continually racist in the way he’s homophobic and anti-gay, S, N! would *never* allow it to continue over multiple threads, if no other reason than the wingnut gotcha game of “See! See! You libtards are just as racist as us!”
Dude, check out the Prussian Blue threads. There’s racist crap on there that is orders of magnitude worse than anything Saul has written, dick though he may be.
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:31
Re: S**l.
I always assumed he’s either a rabid an anti-Semite or he’s some RW prick hunting for a choice response that will prove the libs are anti-Semites.
Either way, he’s lame but in an ideal world all the twats like S**l would hang out by their computers typing shit and Purity Seizures would only occur in Second Life.
In this way, normally law abiding citizens won’t accidentally succumb to the temptation to punch them in the face.
atheist said,
December 3, 2007 at 15:48
Arky: Yeah, that sounds like what Saul might be up to. Or he/she might just be a wannabe trickster that can’t keep their story straight. The sheer banality of their responses (when they aren’t wishing eternal torture on gays) make it hard to get much info out of them.
dave said,
December 3, 2007 at 16:42
Wait, Hawaii is going gay now? Damn… I had a vacation planned there!
Chuckles said,
December 3, 2007 at 17:39
My father likes to relate the only story he has heard on local news about an attempting gay bashing every chance he can. I’ll summarize: Two apparently gay men walk into a bar. Two drunk yokels decide to mess with the gay men. They gay men beat the piss out of the yokels in self defense and call the authorities. The whole bar then stands witness for the harassed gay men when the yokels tried to say they were assaulted.
I prefer to assume that everyone at a bar can whup my candy ass and not get into fights.
MzNicky said,
December 3, 2007 at 19:08
For what it’s worth, I agree with Mr. Holland. If the troll in question baited incessantly with racism (and I mean via skin color, not with anti-Semitism) instead of homophobia, he’d have been long gone by now. How many times would S,N have tolerated a troll using the “n” word, or any of the typically ugly stereotypes people of color must endure?
I know all about the pie script and so forth. That’s not the problem. The comments that trolls drop are extremely skip-overable to me. The problem is when he gets to others, as he intends to, and they understandably can’t resist the temptation to set the jackass straight. Then there goes the thread.
There’s nothing wrong with showing an abusive jerk the door, guys. Doesn’t mean you’re squelching his right to be an abusive jerk; you’re just telling him you’ve got more respect for your other guests than to allow them to be subjected to his jerkitude.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 3, 2007 at 19:29
How many times would S,N have tolerated a troll using the “n” word, or any of the typically ugly stereotypes people of color must endure?
Many times. There’s a lot of crap in the archives.
I’m personally okay with banning Saul/Kevin/whoever.
Snorghagen said,
December 3, 2007 at 20:02
This thread is winding down, but I still want to put in my two cents on dear little Saul.
If it were up to me, I’d ban the fucker. Sadly, No’s no-banning policy is commendable and almost always appropriate – in fact, mocking trolls is one of my favorite activities here. But the policy becomes self-defeating when you’re dealing with someone who’s persistently trying to sabotage the place.
Saul himself is easy for me to ignore, thanks to the technological marvel of Greasemonkey. Unfortunately, as MzNicky said… The problem is when he gets to others, as he intends to, and they understandably can’t resist the temptation to set the jackass straight. Then there goes the thread. Most people have learned to tune the jerk out, but a few people still make the mistake of responding, and a few people is all it takes.
The guy’s an annoyance, not a catastrophe. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to get blocked, so I’ll just have to learn to live with the bullshit. Still…
mikey said,
December 3, 2007 at 21:53
While I fucking well violently hate the pain this little snotrag causes good people like Henry, and I fucking hate stupid, ignorant bigotry more than just about anything else in this nasty little slum of a world, and banning people like this little prick would be entirely justified on that basis alone, that is not the primary reason I would very much like to see it driven off using a technology-based perimeter.
The real reason is more selfish. Ongoing interactions with smart, funny people that I find deeply enjoyable get dragged off the rails, turning into something stupid and banal, and I just know this little jerk is grinnin away in his little shack, snot crusted on his upper lip and skidmarks the size of truck tires in his underpants, not for any good reason, just because he shit on the pleasure of others.
And in this case, that includes MY pleasure.
And no. There is no way that’s ok…
mikey
Hysterical Woman said,
December 3, 2007 at 22:14
So if my culture says it’s okay to be gay, then I’m allowed to be gay?
Arky - Cthulusexual said,
December 3, 2007 at 22:34
Tsk mikey, I can’t believe you forgot to mention the backne.
My final thought on The S**l Collective, s/he/it is a putz, granted. But I sort of like the idea that he is out there acting as a poster child for homophobia because he’s such a putz. The clever fucks who run the GOP have learned from the Civil Rights Movement of the 60′s deployed all sorts of code to disguise their homophobia. It isn’t discrimination, it’s saving marriage. It isn’t hate, it’s protecting the children. And people, well-meaning people think “Well gee, marriage, kids, sure I want to protect those!” and it’s all very comfortable and they don’t have to think or worry that they’re being bigotted fucks.
But if they see something like S**l puking out garbage the well-meaning people might think “Ewww.” and the next time some snake in a suit comes along talking about protecting marriage from teh ghey, they might think of S**l and think “Ewwww.”
On a smaller scale the S**ls of the world serve the same purpose of that shithole Fred Phelch. They rub people’s noses in it and force them to take a side.
Hoosier X said,
December 3, 2007 at 23:02
Very well put, Arky.
Caveat said,
December 3, 2007 at 23:04
This troll may be one unit but I doubt it.
English is NOT the troll’s first language. I doubt it even lives in the US but you can check the IP addy. I did suspect incarceration at one point and still do. So ttotally out of touch is why.
There is nothing remotely creative or original in the comments it posts. I skip most of them. Kind of like reading the newspaper or anything that aggregates – I only read what’s worth my time.
Half-assed, poorly spelled, massaged quotes from a millennia old collection of fables really don’t do it for me. Ban him, don’t ban him for me it’s nil change because I ignore him.
As for the gay thing, I’m not gay. As a kid in the early 60s, I spent every summer, all summer, for about 5 years in in MA – Rocky Neck in Gloucester. My Mum liked it there. lots going on, it was a great place. At least half if not more of the people were gay. They were fun and nice and they treated me kindly as a kid.
Most of the hetero people I know today couldn’t care less if someone is gay or not – if they ever did. Who but the ignorant really cares? People are judged by who they are and what they do, not by who they love, where they live, what they look like, how much money they have, etc. At least they are in my world.
I know it’s late but I thought I’d throw in my two cents.