30
If Liberals is So Smart, Why Not They Rich For Money Like?
I tell you, folks, if you aren’t checking in on a regular basis with Conservapedia (a.k.a. Wikipedia for Stupid People™), you’re missing out on some of the surest comedy on the internet. LG&M has already done fine work in bringing us their latest high point in hilarity, a list of hallmarks of the liberal style. Pick your favorite! Here’s mine:
33. using non sequiturs in argument, such as responding to the point above that liberals over-rely on accusations of hypocrisy by citing an example of conservatives’ observing liberal hypocrisy. But their example does not help their argument. Quite the contrary, use of that example tends to prove that liberals do over-rely on accusations of hypocrisy (relativism). Think about that.
THINK ABOUT THAT. Seriously, THINK ABOUT IT.
But oh, there’s so much more! When right-wingers aren’t fantasizing over what they think liberals are like, or obsessing over homesexuality, what do they talk about among themselves? What passes for real debate in the Gasbag-American community?
Presented without comment, a selection of debate topics from Conservapedia.
If there is no objective truth, then is the claim “there is no objective truth” also not an objective truth?
Can any man live without some code of morality?
Why is there something rather than nothing?
Was Jesus born in the right time and place?
If Jesus were alive to day, where on the political spectrum would he fall?
Could God create a rock so heavy that he himself could not lift it?
Is it possible to be a conservative and not a religious person or even an atheist?
If most Muslims learned their religion from their parents, just like us Christians, they will probably be hard to convert. So what can we do to save their souls?
Should all access to Conservapedia be banned on Sundays?
Why is homosexuality so bad?
Was the European colonization of the Americas good for the native people?
Is illegal immigration control the answer to illegal immigration?
You think these Phd’s are nuts?
Does the European Union pose a threat to United States Security?
Is it even possible to install democracy in a Muslim country?
Crusades… Good or Bad?
Which is a more powerful ideology, Islam or Communism?
Should the United States intervene in small countries to defeat communism there?
Should people genetically engineer a cure for homosexuality?
Women in the Military?
Should students learn a foreign language?
Should American companies be allowed to send their own troops into a war which America is participating in?
Does porn actually cause (not merely correlate to) violence?
Has Russia reinstalled stealth communism?
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Does Darwinian natural selection suggest that bigotry is a necessary self-defense mechanism?
Why are God’s works always questioned?
Is Rap music torture?
Nuff Ced McGreavey said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:28
These sound just like the things we used to discuss in college when we were totally wasted and had descended into uncontrolled laughing fits.
But we were under the influence of drugs, what’s their excuse?
Legalize said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:34
“But we were under the influence of drugs, what’s their excuse?”
1. Stupidity.
2. Virginity.
3. ?
4. Years of all KINDS of repression.
5. Because liberals hate everything that is good and decent about god-fearing conservatives, who are by definition, morally superior to the godless faggots and commies who smoked drugs and drank beer in college, instead of masturbating to 9/11 footage, duct taping their windows closed, and eating freedom fries, like all REAL Americans should.
gbear said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:36
No comment indeed.
Now I’m going to crawl back under my desk.
pAUL said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:37
“Is it possible to be a conservative and not a religious person or even an atheist?”
turdblossom anyone?
g said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:40
s Rap music torture?
Oh, I really would like to be a fly on the wall when they’re discussing this one.
t4toby said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:43
That is a great question!
While you are at it, why not tackle the old, “Why are more black people criminals than whites?”
Or how about, “Women are obviously lazy because they make less money than men. Discuss.”
Smiling Mortician said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:44
And the winner for most implied logical fallacies in a single question:
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Smiling Mortician said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:45
Dammit, too slow again.
Some Guy said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:46
Holy god. I had to click the link to verify that none of those were made up snarks.
#38, indeed.
dBa said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:50
Stop torturing me and yourselves. Snarking on Conservapedia will require a whole new blog, there’s just too much material.
Spirula said,
November 30, 2007 at 18:54
Was the European colonization of the Americas good for the native people?
This should be followed by “What’s Hitler’s Final Solution good for the Jews?”. Really, these people are seriously fucked-up.
Robert Green said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:01
i think the old tried and true adding of “in bed” to the end of everyone of the above questions will reveal their true meaning.
SamFromUtah said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:01
Should the United States intervene in small countries to defeat communism there?
This is the first evidence I’ve seen that the Web and wikis existed prior to 1980.
is rap music torture?
I used to think so, but then I listened to some and overcame my knee-jerk small-town dumbshititude. I don’t like all of it, but I don’t like all of any genre. And as with any genre I wouldn’t say anyone has to like it, but they should give it a chance.
Then again, I’m unwilling to give waterboarding a chance.
MrWonderful said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:03
More:
1. Who put the bomp in the bomp-she-bomp-she-bomp?
2. Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?
3. Who wrote the Book of Love?
4. Why do fools fall in love?
5. Who put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder?
6. The bird is the word. Discuss.
Leonard Pierce said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:04
No need to wish, g — go see for yourself.
Personally, my favorite from that list is “Women in the Military?” Because, you know, it’s not actually a question.
arminius said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:09
THINK ABOUT THAT. Seriously, THINK ABOUT IT.
Not without proper medication. So keep those shots coming!
Jim said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:10
This should be followed by “What’s Hitler’s Final Solution good for the Jews?”.
Well, there is the discussion “Should the United States have entered World War II?”, which includes a “no” section.
I personally enjoy the discussion of Should the United States have entered World War I?”, in which many of the answers boil down to, “No because Hitler.”
Kathleen said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:11
Oh god. That “THINK ABOUT IT” is going to keep me laughing all day. I think I will not, however, actually THINK ABOUT IT so as to avoid cerebral injury.
Spirula said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:18
“THINK ABOUT IT”
That’s what Frederic Forrest’s character (facist, homophobic army surplus store owner) said repeatedly in “Falling Down”.
Think about it.
jackd said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:23
Isn’t quite a bit of Conservapaedia editing done by homeschool kids? Most of the stuff quoted above certainly looks as if it was written by 13-year-olds whose only out-of-home social venue is their fundy church.
billy pilgrim said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:24
THINK ABOUT THAT. Seriously, THINK ABOUT IT.
Blech. I had a roommate in college who would pick an argument, then end with some inane statement like one in that list, and loudly proclaim this phrase in triumph; any further argument was met with him saying “THINK ABOUT IT!” ever more loudly to drown out opposition.
But then, he had brain damage (True Story). I can’t hear or read those words without thinking of this idiot.
I suspect ol’ Lucas is a wingnut now. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if he is really Gary, now that I think about it; I can see some similarities in style (and content for that matter).
g said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:32
I checked the rap music/torture thread. The only intellectually stimulating comment was this one:
“songs by Barney the Dinosaur were also used in this capacity.”
Which leads me to another burning question - Is listening to Barney the Dinosaur torture?
I’d say yes.
kiki said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:36
“Should American companies be allowed to send their own troops into a war which America is participating in?”
Um… when did it become par for the course that American private companies should have their own fucking armies?
mitch said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:39
LOL @ MrWonderful
gbear said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:40
6. The bird is the word. Discuss.
What’s to discuss? Everybody knows that the bird is the word.
pedestrian said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:41
Isn’t quite a bit of Conservapaedia editing done by homeschool kids? Most of the stuff quoted above certainly looks as if it was written by 13-year-olds whose only out-of-home social venue is their fundy church.
Dude, that was MY childhood. I learned that history is the study of which side God was on in various conflicts. My knowledge of the natural sciences mostly came from the book of Genesis and Jules Verne novels.
The biggest academic controversy that I remember centered on punctuation. My textbook was written by Southern Baptists, who felt that “Praise the Lord,” being an imperitive statement, should end in a period. This was successfully challenged as heresy, and the periods were replaced with exclamation points.
The End.
gbear said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:46
1) What is an occasional table the rest of the time?
Leonard Pierce said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:47
This is one of those things that liberals are always disputing because it’s difficult to prove even though everyone knows it’s true.
pedestrian said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:55
1) What is an occasional table the rest of the time?
Some of them make ends meet by covering the night shift for the day bed.
Nimrod Gently said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:57
Why is homosexuality so bad?
over_educated said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:57
My favorite:
“attempting to control the rules of evidence used in a debate. For example, claiming that Young Earth Creationism is false, and then refusing to allow supporting evidence by claiming that the scientists are religiously motivated.”
Yes those pesky liberals and their insipid demands that “evidence” for scientific phenomena have some basis in empirical fact. Curse them.
Rob Coover said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:24
“songs by Barney the Dinosaur were also used in this capacity.”
Are Conservapedians allowed to believe in the existence of Barney, or was he planted in the fossil record by Satan in order to confuse us?
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:26
Should students learn a foreign language?
This one slays me. The implied tension is between “no, there’s nothing to learn from the darkies, or indeed any culture that doesn’t use spray cheese” and “yes, someone has to translate during the waterboardings”.
random idiot said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:29
“If Jesus were alive to day, where on the political spectrum would he fall?”
He would be a member of the “long haired jewish communist hippy bastards party” of course.
Arky - Cthulusexual said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:33
Phyllis Schlafly - Evil woman who didn’t know her place or stealth lesbian?
SpotWeld said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:41
Snarking on Conservapedia will require a whole new blog, there’s just too much material.
Yeah, that’d be Rationalwiki. Fun bunch over there, if a little snarky. Be sure to check out the lastest batch of highlights from CP.
Danny Zuko said,
November 30, 2007 at 21:03
Everybody knows that the bird is the word.
I’m sorry, but I don’t think so.
moondancer said,
November 30, 2007 at 21:11
#39 I loathe Miller, mostly because he’s smug. But the fact that a not funny, washed up entertainer is on this list… and its not Reagan? And needs “citation”?
Gundamhead said,
November 30, 2007 at 21:21
“Does the European Union pose a threat to United States Security?”
What the fuck? Paranoid much?
dBa said,
November 30, 2007 at 21:36
SpotWeld said,
November 30, 2007 at 20:41
“Yeah, that’d be Rationalwiki. Fun bunch over there, if a little snarky. Be sure to check out the lastest batch of highlights from CP.”
I think this little snippet from Conservapedias:Banwatch sums them up rather nicely:
“A space to keep track of which users on Conservapedia are most likely to face the Banhammer for … just maliciously posting unwanted facts.”
I can’t tell you how many times unwanted facts have disrupted conservative reality.
Trilateral Chairman said,
November 30, 2007 at 21:43
For a fun example of an absolute inability to process plain facts, have a look at the discussion of Richard Dawkins’s credentials.
Warning: It hurts to read it.
Rufus said,
November 30, 2007 at 22:09
Here’s how I imagine a typical Conservative would answer these:
Should all access to Conservapedia be banned on Sundays?
Only a Stalinist would ban access to Conservapedia. Are you a Stalinist?
Why is homosexuality so bad?
Because it makes me and all other right-minded men sick to our stomachs.
Was the European colonization of the Americas good for the native people?
Yes. The few who survived are now prosperous and powerful.
Is illegal immigration control the answer to illegal immigration?
Yes, if by “control,” you mean slave labor and mass killings.
You think these Phd’s are nuts?
Phud nuts? Never heard of them.
Does the European Union pose a threat to United States Security?Is it even possible to install democracy in a Muslim country?
Only when Conservatives try.
Crusades… Good or Bad?
Good. Is this a trick question?
Major Woody said,
November 30, 2007 at 22:16
MrWonderful said,
November 30, 2007 at 19:03
6. The bird is the word. Discuss.
I’m more inclined to think that grease is the word. It’s got groove, it’s got meaning.
tyro said,
November 30, 2007 at 22:25
If there is no objective truth, then is the claim “there is no objective truth” also not an objective truth?
I’d bet my remaining ovary that nobody’s actually tried to discuss this one. Heads would explode.
Why is homosexuality so bad?
Good question! You tell me. Without referencing God or the Bible, of course, since those hold no meaning for a godless heathen like me.
Crusades… Good or Bad?
Well, they were wars against those towelheads, which means that they were good! But they were led by the Catholics, which everyone knows aren’t True Christians, so that must mean they were bad! But war is good, so the Crusades were good! But but but Catholics! Evil Mary-worshipping Catholics!
Which is a more powerful ideology, Islam or Communism?
Fundamentalist Christianity. Next!
Should the United States intervene in small countries to defeat communism there?
Leeet’s do the Tiiime Waarp agaiiiin!
Should students learn a foreign language?
Considering we’re apparently in danger of being conquered by Islamofascists any day now, it would probably be a good idea to teach them Arabic.
Has Russia reinstalled stealth communism?
Oh my god! Commie ninjas! Head for the hills!!
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
God apparently has really bad aim.
Gundamhead said,
November 30, 2007 at 22:45
“Has Russia reinstalled stealth communism?”
Again: What the fuck?
“Does Darwinian natural selection suggest that bigotry is a necessary self-defense mechanism?”
Yeah, you wish!
“Why are God’s works always questioned?”
Because some people (the evil ones) are capable of rationally analyzing reality, and you trying to explain things away with “just cuz” isn’t very convincing?
Gus said,
November 30, 2007 at 22:49
Who put the benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy’s Ovaltine?
Pablo said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:12
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Because he was testing our Faith. Good thing the answer’s multiple choice..
My name is Pablo, and I am NOT smarter than a Fifth grader.
gbear said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:26
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Why does cold weather cause the days to be so much shorter?
pedestrian said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:34
By adding an extra hour of sunlight, does Daylight Savings Time worsen global warming?
pedestrian said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:38
Is illegal immigration control the answer to illegal immigration?
Is that like those vigilante militia groups that volunteer along the border?
Principal Blackman said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:52
Could God create a rock so heavy that he himself could not lift it?
I prefer the Homeric version: Could God microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
Arky - Cthulusexual said,
November 30, 2007 at 23:52
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Duh! So the Christians would have to convert the heathens and establish democracy.
Woodrowfan said,
December 1, 2007 at 0:18
“If the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides, why is a mouse when it spins?
Malignant Bouffant, Hairdresser to the Stars said,
December 1, 2007 at 0:23
When right-wingers aren’t fantasizing over what they think liberals are like, or obsessing over homesexuality, what do they talk about among themselves?
I tried to get sexual w/ my home once, but I just kept flopping around in the chimney.
mikey said,
December 1, 2007 at 1:39
What IS the difference between an orange?
mikey
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
December 1, 2007 at 4:17
God damn it.
Twisted_Colour said,
December 1, 2007 at 5:11
Why did God place most of the world’s oil in politically unstable places?
Yeah!! Especially places like Canada and the North Sea. Why, God? Why?
Smut Clyde said,
December 1, 2007 at 5:42
Everybody knows that the bird is the word.
In the Beginning was the Word, and the dictionary informs me that the word in question was Aardvark.
Smut Clyde said,
December 1, 2007 at 5:44
Texas is politically unstable? I am shocked, shocked.
Snorghagen said,
December 1, 2007 at 7:00
Conservapedia readers should not be exposed to questions like this. Pretty soon they’ll asking each other shit like How do we know we’re not really caterpillars dreaming that we’re human? or What if the whole universe is just a booger in some guy’s nose? or What would happen if everyone in China shook their butt at the exact same time in the exact same direction?
And then it’s only a small step to watching bass fishing shows with the sound off while listening to old Sun Ra records and smoking crappy pot.
Anastasius said,
December 1, 2007 at 8:03
Most viewed pages
3 Homosexuality and Hepatitis
4 Homosexuality and Parasites?
8 Homosexuality and Gonorrhea
10 Homosexuality and Anal Cancer
Those closet Republicans… They are even looking for health advice from Conservapedia…
My guess for 11th most viewed page:
Do STD’s really need to be reported to the local authorities and what are the best ways to prevent my wife from finding out?
Smut Clyde said,
December 1, 2007 at 11:53
How do we know we’re not really boogers dreaming that we’re human? or What if the whole universe is just a caterpillar in some guy’s nose?
Trust me, Snorghagen, it makes more sense this way.
Nabakov said,
December 1, 2007 at 17:27
“5. Who put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder?”
Bill Clinton. Surprised you have to ask.
bpower said,
December 1, 2007 at 20:46
Eh, still thinking about it, nothings happing, must be doing it wrong, head ache, mild nausea.
J Crowley said,
December 2, 2007 at 21:38
I think “Women in the military?” should really have about six or seven more question marks after it.