Nov
29
29
Wait, What Was That Again?
Above: Probably will not observe Hanukkah this year
While she was busy dotting her I’s, crossing her T’s, writing love letters to her Dear Retardo and apostrophizing her N’s, Marie Jon’ forgot, I think, to fix this:
Judaists on the Internet regularly post comments from nameless individuals who suggest and boast that they are willing and able to attack soft targets including shopping malls. We must remain vigilant and report suspicious activity to law enforcement authorities
Oh, dear.
Emak Bakia said,
November 29, 2007 at 10:59
Lol-land
islmfaoscist said,
November 29, 2007 at 11:01
Poor Marie is posting from under the bed where the light isn’t so good.
i expect she will be doing all of her xmas shopping online this year.
Some Guy said,
November 29, 2007 at 11:21
It kinda works, if it’s supposed to read that Jews posts anonymous threats from people saying they’re crazy.
The kind of threats the Authorities love to receive over and over.
Snorghagen said,
November 29, 2007 at 12:00
It could also mean than judo experts have been posting messages from individuals who lack names and who wish to pummel soft objects.
She also says that we also need to turn up the heat on the looming objects that are continually hanging over us, like Hillary Clinton’s uncovered tush.
Personally, to be on the safe side I not only report all suspicious activity to law enforcement authorities, but also all unusual names I read in the paper, all pointless commercials I see on TV, and all incidences of people spending too much time in the bathroom at work.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
November 29, 2007 at 12:09
She also says that we also need to turn up the heat on the looming objects that are continually hanging over us, like Hillary Clinton’s uncovered tush.
Snorghagen, did you have to? I now have this indelible image of a pair of ample buttocks crouched over a gas element. And toasted botty is not what I’d envisioned for my dinner.
Thanks a bunch. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat tonight.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
November 29, 2007 at 12:12
By the way, there’s no way I’m going to actually click through and read her drivel: that’s what you guys are for. Hey, I got two cats to support, I can’t take that risk.
But does she mean that we’s got to stop hatin’ on the Muslims and start hatin’ on the Jews? Because I didn’t get that memo, and I signed up for the Evil Lefty Islamofascifemihomoturrist Newsletter and Classifieds.
Jebus, I wish they’d tell me this stuff. I so hate being behind in my hatin’.
Michael Harrington said,
November 29, 2007 at 12:57
Oh, yeah…people who worship Judy Tenuta.
They’re a ruthless buncha bastards, they are.
Bistroist said,
November 29, 2007 at 13:39
Emak Bakia said,
November 29, 2007 at 10:59
Lol-land
Hey, my mother is from Lolland (ie. she is ‘lolsk’ (adj.) or a ‘lollik’ (noun)). It’s not really a laugh a minute down there, though, lots of unemployment and turnips, and not much else.
Slightly, barely, minimally less OT: A member of the Danish People Party (far-right populist nutbags) was recently quoted as stating (on the podium at the party conference) that Europe needed to throw the muslims out and get the jews back in.
She was applauded, though the party leadership later tried to distance themselves from the remarks.
tommy yum said,
November 29, 2007 at 13:59
face it: she’s hot, and that’s the reason for the post. you can find dumber, and meaner, and crazier. but probably not hotter.
it’s not like i’m complaining! who’s complaining?
oh, and by the way, i think “Judaists on the Internet” is a band.
KnaveRupe said,
November 29, 2007 at 14:25
She’s obviously talking about Pam.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
November 29, 2007 at 14:33
She must mean Judy (Nathanist) Rudy.
Malignant Bouffant said,
November 29, 2007 at 14:37
Isn’t Ms. Marie more likely to cross her Is & dot her Ts, all things considered? And if she’s really a nurse, she’s not allowed to give medication to anyone is she? Maybe she’s fuctionally illiterate but numerate as all get out. We can only hope so, for the sake of sick people everywhere.
Judaists/Jihadists, they’re both semitic, right? I mean, what’s the big diff? The Muslims would’ve been happy to kill Jeebus if they’d been around then.
javaphil said,
November 29, 2007 at 14:37
Now I have to be afraid of nameless commenters on the Internet too? Apparently they are making threats! Egads. If anybody needs me I’ll be hiding in my basement for the next 50 years.
Arky - Cthulhusexual said,
November 29, 2007 at 15:38
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…
Sorry, that probably didn’t help.
Look, if you liberalislamofascists would stop smoking hash for a second you’d realize this young lady is merely observing the Calendar of Fear. Every major holiday is preceded by a month-long period where you have to be afraid that the terrists will blow something up.
For example, starting June 4, real patriots start to worry that terrists will plant a nuclear bomb in a fire works display.
Straighten up hippies! And then hunch over in fear.
Vin Scully said,
November 29, 2007 at 15:55
So, in the same article where Glamour Shot complains that SoCal Muslims aren’t helping the LAPD ‘map’ their locations (making it easier to round them up), she slips and accidentally refers to these Muslims as Jews?
I’m just gonna keep telling myself that I’m misreading her …
MzNicky said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:20
The Muslims would’ve been happy to kill Jeebus if they’d been around then.
Yeah, but they’d have just chopped his head off. End of story. A really ugly extended period of unimaginable torture followed by a brutal, excruciatingly painful death is what’s required to guilt followers into loving God forever and ever.
Doodle Bean said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:30
Ummm… aren’t the terms ‘suggest’ and ‘boast’ pretty much mutually exclusive?
If I merely suggest I am a big bad terrist, am I really boasting? I don’t think so.
On the other hand, if I boast that I am a big bad terrist, it’s not like I would be so mamby-pamby as to consider it a suggestion — it’s a fact, damnit!
Now, I will get back to that Risk game. World domination, baby!
Rufus said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:37
Like the troll once said, you’re all a bunch of chickenjudaists.
Jon H said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:47
“She was applauded, though the party leadership later tried to distance themselves from the remarks”
Which remarks, the ones about expelling muslims, or the ones about welcoming back Jews?
raj said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:53
What in heck is a “Judaist”?
DAS said,
November 29, 2007 at 16:53
Oh, yeah…people who worship Judy Tenuta. – Michael Harrington
The Rabbi at the shul my family went to when I was growing up was very insistent we pronounce the name of our religion as JudAism not “Judeeism” as must people say it. Because Judyism is the worship of Judy.
We couldn’t quite tell if he was being serious or not.
DAS said,
November 29, 2007 at 17:00
Oh yeah …
attack soft targets including shopping malls
What’s with the fear by bedwetters of shopping malls? And not only conservatrons fearing terrists … the media has gotten every white person over the age of 50 afraid of going to malls after dark (and every white person over the age of 65 from going to malls at all) because of “gang-bangers”.
I guess it’s racism at some level. Malls are places where even in highly segregated locales like South FL (*) people of all races are lumped together cheek to cheek and jawl to jawl with the common goal of conspicuous consumption.
Still the media’s talk of gangs can’t be helping. I’m surprised one of those mega-mall chains (with resources to spare, presumably) hasn’t sued the pants off of a local media outlet for inflamatory reporting on the grounds that what they are doing is equivalent to shouting fire in a crowded theatre.
(*I have a friend who lives there and it creeps me out … you have miles and miles are retirement communities in which you never see a black person, unless that person is a home care giver … where are the black people? judging by my future father-in-law, black people are just as capable of turning into alter-cockers as we white folk are … so where do the black alter-cockers live?)
Patkin said,
November 29, 2007 at 17:10
DAS:
On average, they live in whatever street has been called Martin Luther King Blvd. It’s uncanny how much desegregation looks like segregation.
Snorghagen said,
November 29, 2007 at 17:48
Sorry. All I can say is that last night I was suffering from severe insomnia. I stumbled out of bed in the pre-dawn hours, wrote that passage about Hillary Clinton’s warmed-up booty, and was immediately able to fall into a deep, untroubled sleep. It was as if some disturbing butt-like weight had been lifted from my mind.
J— said,
November 29, 2007 at 18:08
The Judaist People’s Front must be at it again. Or maybe it’s the People’s Front of Judaism. I can never tell.
Jeff said,
November 29, 2007 at 18:21
This is kinda surreal, actually. A gold-plated freudian slip. Did she mean to write “Islamists” or (more probably) “Jihadists”, as someone suggested?
Maybe she wrote “Jihdaists” and her spell check tripped her up. Gotta watch out for that.
Bizarre.
javaphil said,
November 29, 2007 at 18:37
What’s with the fear by bedwetters of shopping malls? And not only conservatrons fearing terrists … the media has gotten every white person over the age of 50 afraid of going to malls after dark (and every white person over the age of 65 from going to malls at all) because of “gang-bangers”.
Not sure about the bedwetters but the MSM is clearly using this fear to escalate the war on Jeebusmas. Plus, if we don’t shop we make W cry so its a twofer!
Rufus said,
November 29, 2007 at 18:43
“so where do the black alter-cockers live?”
Don’t you remember? Black people don’t get old, they all die before they reach retirement age. I think I read that in the Washington Post.
billy pilgrim said,
November 29, 2007 at 19:16
“judaist – jihadist’ Maybe those big, collagen-injected lips have made her all mush-mouthed, and she was using dictation software?
RightWingScreamQueen said,
November 29, 2007 at 19:20
Maybe Judaists are Jihadists who pretend to be Jewish.
Ex-Fed said,
November 29, 2007 at 19:28
It’s an overarching term intended to include both the Judean People’s Front and the People’s Front of Judea.
montysano said,
November 29, 2007 at 19:49
“In my last opinion piece I wrote about the chilling prospects of a possible attack by terrorists on our shopping malls during the Christmas Season.”
Yes, yes………… chilling indeed. If we as American agree to cavity searches at all mall entrances, will we be safe? Should Santa pack heat (“gee Santa, is that a Glock in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”)? ‘Cause if a Wii remains unsold, if a salad shooter languishes on the shelf, then the terrorists win.
Duros62 said,
November 29, 2007 at 20:37
Because Judyism is the worship of Judy.
Judy Garland? ‘Cuz I am afraid of her.
Clang, clang, clang went the trolley, my ass.
Hey, you try walking through a mall singing Judy Garland songs and see how you get treated!
Mo's Bike Shop said,
November 29, 2007 at 20:40
Understandable, remember that right-wing conspiracies are simply cribbed from the Elders of Zion shizzle. A non-word like ‘Judaists’ just got missed by the search and replace.
miles and miles are retirement communities
vertical morgues
Righteous Bubba said,
November 29, 2007 at 20:41
Because Judyism is the worship of Judy.
We couldn’t quite tell if he was being serious or not.
That’d make Judaism worship of Jews.
Clem said,
November 29, 2007 at 20:50
Wasn’t Meret Oppenheim a Judaist? You know, the one who covered a saucer and cup with fur?
Marie’s headshots remind me of the photos that come with bargain basement picture frames. I’ll be on the lookout next time in Marshall’s or TJ Maxx.
Smut Clyde said,
November 29, 2007 at 21:48
Haven’t you people heard of the Gospel of Judas? I don’t know what they teach in schools these days.
Trilateral Chairman said,
November 29, 2007 at 22:12
No doubt a lot of these folks are having trouble with the unheralded transition from “Our Christian Heritage” to “Our Judeo-Christian Heritage.” Sometimes the old schtick just slips through.
Steve said,
November 29, 2007 at 22:31
Ah, a return to the “there’s a terrorist around every corner” school of thought. It’s refreshingly quaint, but sadly, it’s wrong.
BTW, how does one pronounce her name? Is there supposed to be a glottal stop, almost as if one were about to vomit?
Trilateral Chairman said,
November 29, 2007 at 22:38
Is there supposed to be a glottal stop, almost as if one were about to vomit?
Nobody has ever figured this out.
Similarly, nobody has ever figured out how to form the possessive of Jon’. Is it Jon”s, with two single quotation marks right after the other? Jon”s, with a double quotation mark? Jon`’s? Jon’`s? William Safire, call your office!
Smut Clyde said,
November 29, 2007 at 23:44
Their looming threats are continually hanging over us.
I can cope with that. What really worries me are the hanging threats looming over us.
J— said,
November 30, 2007 at 0:42
Maybe it’s Jong and the apostrophe indicates a more colloquial pronunciation.
flatfoot said,
November 30, 2007 at 2:37
Shut up the mouth dahling and put the nurses uniform back on. It is the christmastimes in my crotch.
Smut Clyde said,
November 30, 2007 at 4:33
If a ‘Freudian slip’ is some sort of negligee, then OK. But photographs, please.
mdhatter said,
November 30, 2007 at 4:36
Wrong. On. SO. Many. Levels.
FS said,
November 30, 2007 at 5:41
Marie Jon has soft targets?
Sadly, No! » Serenade said,
October 10, 2008 at 1:43
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