Nov
17
17
A generation of cowards
Yep, this officially qualifies as the shittiest way to dump someone:
More than four in 10 teens, or 43 percent, who instant message use it for things they wouldn’t say in person, according to an Associated Press-AOL poll released Thursday. Twenty-two percent use IMs to ask people out on dates or accept them, and 13 percent use them to break up.
lol i has dumpt u kthxbai.
Doodle Bean said,
November 17, 2007 at 16:03
Ya should change the first link to this.
Senator Ted said,
November 17, 2007 at 16:39
Better to do it the Steve Martin way…
“I say to her, ‘I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee’ then I spit on her shoes”
jas said,
November 17, 2007 at 17:01
Oh, Sen. Ted, I’m sorry. It’s “…and then I throw dog poop on her shoes…”
Loved that album.
Brad, I read the article and immediately thought of it in terms of how the next generation has grown up with all of this technology. Not only do they take it for granted, it’s started to change the way in which people interact with one another. It seemed unlikely at best, some early dystopian science fiction, where technology alienated people from one another, but in a way, it’s happening, just much more slowly, and the people involved, they won’t recognise it because it’s how they’ve always lived.
M. Bouffant said,
November 17, 2007 at 17:05
kathyr was commenting @ Bats Left Throws Right & advised that her 14 yr. old son no longer IMs. Now it’s video chat on the computer, & the IM equivalent is texting on the mobile. Not sure if dumping someone via video is an improvement.
SamFromUtah said,
November 17, 2007 at 17:42
Were pre-IM teenagers braver about this sort of thing, or did they use handwritten notes, telephones / answering machine messages, or friends to deliver the bad news?
I never broke up with anyone using any of those go-betweens, but I’d heard of it happening, and when I was even younger and shyer I definitely used them to ask people out. Has anything changed other than the technology?
El Cid said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:19
Sounds cold & awful, but still sounds better than the old finding your supposed s.o. in heavy action w/ another and getting a ‘yeah, I meant to break up’ past tense thing.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:24
In Malaysia you can divorce your wife via text.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3100143.stm
J— said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:33
i nds spaz kthxbai
it not u it me :)
a stallion mst rn & rn free
u gav me vd FOAD
Linnaeus said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:39
Interestingly, if one looks at the history of early telephony, many of the same concerns about what would happen to human relationships show up in commentaries of the time. Critics of widespread use of the telephone worried about police monitoring, unstable relationships, less human interaction, etc.
That said, I myself have often thought that in Internet communication, we see what I call (and maybe this was said a long time ago) the “mask effect”. People use their devices and the distance as a mask. With this mask, they do say things they would not say in person, or even on the phone. The physical presence or even the voice of another human being are powerful conditioners of what one will say and how one will say it.
I once saw a funny satire on Internet communication in the form of a college comedy group holding a meeting and everyone talking as if they were in an Internet chat room. It was hilarious because of the more outrageous and crude things some of the players said. But it’s true; I think a lot of dialogue on blogs, etc. descends into silliness or even outright meanness because it’s a forum in which one’s Internet mask shields one somewhat from the immediate consequences of what one says.
Old Gregg said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:41
OMG, dear LOLJohns, I love it!
U 4 mah boyfren, DO NOT WANT
Hysterical Woman said,
November 17, 2007 at 18:51
YOU DON’T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK-UP!
freddybob said,
November 17, 2007 at 19:07
i must confess to breaking up with someone via instant messaging. i know it was a shitty thing to do, but as we’d never actually met in real life i couldn’t see any other way. i wasnt going to fork out four hundred quid on plane tickets just to say “i don’t think this is working out”
J— said,
November 17, 2007 at 19:14
Thanks for that, Hysterical Woman. The NSA eavesdropper eating takeout is a nice touch.
Arky - Cthulusexual said,
November 17, 2007 at 19:58
I KAN HAZ NU BOYFREN?
Chell said,
November 17, 2007 at 20:02
What a way to work on those social skills! In the “olden days,” even when having a friend deliver a message, that was often just opening the door for a face to face conversation. Now, IM and the internet are the actual, entire means to communicate, rather than the extras they should be.
mikey said,
November 17, 2007 at 20:12
Why should it be surprising or even bad that various ubiquitous forms of digital communication might cause significant evolution in the way people interact on an interpersonal level?
I’d think it would be much more surprising if that evolution didn’t happen.
To say “we didn’t do it that way” is disingenuous. We didn’t have the capability to do it that way.
If it works in the new generation’s culture, then it works. And there’s a whole lot more evolution to come.
Oh, and to be honest? When I have bad news for a client, I tend to email rather than call. Why NOT avoid that unpleasantness if you can?
mikey
tb said,
November 17, 2007 at 20:38
I was gonna say.
Sometimes I wonder whether memorizing stuff like “that cat was the best fuck I ever had” when I was 9 has warped my outlook on life. Hmmm…
Catherine the Himalayan said,
November 17, 2007 at 21:12
freddybob, good point.
The fact that electronic communication also enables people to establish relationships that they otherwise wouldn’t is not being addressed.
These tools enhance and enable communications, duh, that’s what they’re for. That some of those communications are going to be negative, including gossip, crudity, and bad news like “it’s just not working out between us,” should surprise nobody.
I know that my virtual social life has been greatly enhanced since I quit just playing video games and got online. Blogs, IM, email, chat/vidchat, are great ways to open up socially, meet and interact with a lot more and far more varied sorts of people than I would otherwise meet if my circle were restricted to the people I actually see in my neighborhood or jobs.
I’ve been on both ends of it; it’s not such a bad thing to break up electronically if that’s how you met in the first place.
Catherine the Himalayan said,
November 17, 2007 at 21:14
tb, I’m certain it has warped mine. Especially when I get so mad at my mother.
g said,
November 17, 2007 at 21:34
Well, I remember when I went away to school I lost touch with so many people who had been my friends – you had to write letters to keep in touch; long-distance phone calls were not easy from dorms. I am dating myself by saying this I know.
My kid and friends, with their cell phones and Facebook pages and email, stay in touch with much greater ease than I was able to do at that age.
I’m not sure what this does – does it just extend the amount of time before old friendships inevitably fall away? Or does it keep old friendships strong? Does it prolong the peer-pressure-cooker of high school, or does it broaden a kid’s world. I don’t know.
Loved the youtube video. too funny!
Mary Ruppert said,
November 17, 2007 at 21:41
a different brad said,
November 17, 2007 at 22:00
Y’know, there’s worse ways than txt to be broken up with.
Like, say, over the phone, after three years, three weeks before your undergrad senior thesis is due.
*censored for misogynistic content*
J— said,
November 17, 2007 at 23:53
Sometimes I wonder whether memorizing stuff like “that cat was the best fuck I ever had” when I was 9 has warped my outlook on life.
Grandpa bought a rubber!
Warped sure, but in a good way. Martin’s albums were seminal texts for me.
Rob J said,
November 17, 2007 at 23:54
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think Giuliani beat that with wife #2. Sure, the text message break-up is cowardly beyond belief, but it doesn’t quite rise to the level of cartoon villainy exemplified by the leading Republican candidate for President.
Matt T. said,
November 18, 2007 at 0:06
Man, I had one girl break up with me by introducing me to her old boyfriend that had just got back from the Marine and who I didn’t even know existed. Another went off to California and didn’t tell me, which wouldn’t have been so bad but she took about $200 worth of CD’s and books of mine with her. Another one broke up with me and said it was because she figured she could not only find someone who made more money than me but was also easier to control. And that’s not counting the past three women who’ve left me for, in order: a physically abusive ex; a manipulative, passive aggressive man 30 years older who still went off on weekends with his ex-wife; and a chronic philanderer ex.
I think I’d almost welcome being dumped via text messaging. At the very least, I wouldn’t have to make a special trip to get shit on.
D.F. Manno said,
November 18, 2007 at 0:14
Nah, there are even shittier ways to dump someone. My ex simply blocked my calls. Then, when I did reach her thru an intermediary, she agreed to meet with me to “talk.” She never showed.
Oh, did I mention I was in the hospital at the time?
stringonastick said,
November 18, 2007 at 1:12
Damn, sad stories Matt T. and D.F. Manno. I am proud to say I never treated a guy even remotely close to anything like that, and I am embarassed to be of the same gender as those who did. Sorry guys, some of them really are selfish bitches (and bastards, unfortunately the street goes both ways).
Linnaeus said,
November 18, 2007 at 1:22
I don’t think anyone here is saying that electronic communication is bad, per se. It’s just that, like any innovation, it’s a double-edged sword.
It’s definitely easier to keep in touch with people via e-mail, MySpace, Facebook, etc. It’s also true that I’ve met people via the Internet that I wouldn’t have met otherwise, or probably would have been much less likely to meet.
But there are unfortunate consequences as well. I was talking about the “mask effect” in my previous comment, and I happened to see this story just today.
Now, the girl was having problems, and it’s unfair to blame the Internet for her suicide. Yet at the same time, I think it’s safe to say that Internet communication facilitated this kind of vicious prank. That’s the thing: with Internet communication, you can misrepresent yourself that much easier.
Furthermore, I’m not convinced that using the Internet as a buffer to avoid conflict is a healthy thing in every case.
Nah, there are even shittier ways to dump someone. My ex simply blocked my calls. Then, when I did reach her thru an intermediary, she agreed to meet with me to “talk.” She never showed.
I hate the “ignore him/her and he/she will go away” method of indicating you don’t want to see someone again. It’s really frustrating when someone simply does not have enough respect for you to be able to tell you he or she doesn’t want a second date, doesn’t want a relationship anymore, etc. Yeah, it’s an uncomfortable experience, but dealing with uncomfortable circumstances and owning your choices is part of life.
Matt T. said,
November 18, 2007 at 1:32
stringonastick,
Eh, that’s how it goes sometimes, and the vast majority of the women I dated were extremely cool. Hell, even the women I mentioned previously were generally cool, just not for that particular moment. And to be totally fair, I must admit that I’m pretty difficult to be around for extended periods, mainly because I can’t handle having anyone around me for extended periods. That can wear on even the most patient and forgiving ladyperson, I imagine. Plus, I’ve in the past show questionable judgement in not only chosing female companionship but also what I thought wouldn’t piss her off.
But ya know, I’ve come through it with a grin and I wish ‘em all well. Life’s too short to do anything but laugh about it. Or maybe write some country songs.
mikey said,
November 18, 2007 at 2:43
I’ve been doing exactly that. Wanna put some GeeTar to this little number?
Maybe you just don’t git it
But I’m tellin you boy I’d hit it
‘Cause she’s hotter than the surface of the sun
But I guess it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
I know I truly love her
But I think I’m gonna need some cover
And I know that god would surely strike me dead
Is it a sin if I just WANT to take her to bed?
I want to get her outta that habit
And go at it like a rabbit
‘Cause she’s hotter than the surface of the sun
But I guess it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
Maybe you just don’t git it
But I’m tellin you boy I’d hit it
‘Cause she’s hotter than the surface of the sun
But I guess it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
mikey said,
November 18, 2007 at 2:46
Oh, and I’ve got more verses if we need ‘em…
mikey
Lesley said,
November 18, 2007 at 16:47
hey, i just noticed this and how timely. teens aren’t the only ones who use email inappropriately. i and my colleagues have had numerous bosses scold us for trivial shit in email in caps, red coloured font, underlined, bold…etc.
how they excel at improving morale. fuckers.
oh yeah, and my deadbeat dad, bless his cold little heart, shortly after my terminally ill mother’s death and i had nursed her singlehandedly in extremely onerous circumstances, sent me an email “get over your anger [about me being your deadbeat dad] and do something useful with your life.”
i took his advice and dumped him. in email.
touche you miserable fuck.
Chuckles said,
November 19, 2007 at 18:13
Shiiiiiiiit. I been dumped via every form of modern communication available. I am hoping to meet a woman who will dump me by smoke signals or perhaps via giant flaming beacons on mountain tops. Maybe someday I will reach that pinnacle of creepitude and be slapped or have a drink thrown in my face.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
November 19, 2007 at 21:39
I hate the “ignore him/her and he/she will go away” method of indicating you don’t want to see someone again.
That’s teh worst in my book.
Duros62 said,
November 20, 2007 at 20:23
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think Giuliani beat that with wife #2. Sure, the text message break-up is cowardly beyond belief, but it doesn’t quite rise to the level of cartoon villainy exemplified by the leading Republican candidate for President.
No way. Newt Gingrich has that beat by a mile.