EVENT: Saddam Hussein admits he has WMD.
RWS (right-wing spin): Ah HA! We were right!
EVENT: Saddam claims he has no WMD and submits to inspections and submits requested documentation.
RWS: Ah HA! He must be hiding something!

EVENT: Bush doing great in polls.
RWS: Ah HA! America loves our Emperor… er, President!
EVENT: Bush doing poorly in polls, barely above 40%.
RWS: Considering how things are going in Iraq (GREAT, that is!), he’s doing rather well.

EVENT: Economy doing poorly. Few good-paying jobs to be had.
RWS: We’re about to emerge from the Clinton recession! The stock market is up! Tax cuts are working!
EVENT: Economy doing well.
RWS: Ah HA! Tax cuts are working! It’s all Bush’s credit!

EVENT: Increasing violence in Iraq.
RWS: Things are going great there – so great that the Enemies of Peace and Freedom(TM) are fighting even harder against us!
EVENT: Decreasing violence in Iraq.
RWS: Good news! Our occupation – er, liberation, is going just dandy!

how splendid to be a wingnut. You can justify ANYTHING. At least until you run headlong into reality.

Terrorists begin lobbying for gay marriage. Iraqi provisional government unanimously approves. Insurgent same sex unions lead to less terrorist babies being born. More good news.

A meteor crashes into the White House, killing God’s Messenger? No, that would be good for the nation, and of course would just mean that God called Bush home.

Wow, this is hard.

So is there anything that could happen that would not be good news?

The Right loves this sort of mind-fuck. Similarly, any time Iraq seems to be settling down, that’s good news. But if all hell if breaking loose, that’s good too, because it shows the bad guys are desperate.

Another fun thing is criticizing Dems for stuff that is at least equally applicable to the GOP (often more so). E.g.:

(1) Dem Presidents and Dem-majority Congresses are irresponsible spendthrifts, and we need a balanced budget amendment to rein in the maniacs. When Dubya and the Republican Congress produce record-smashing deficits, that’s fine — except that we need to “make the tax cuts permanent” so that the deficits become even more obscene.

(2) Democratic pork, bad; much greater quantities of Republican pork, excellent.

(3) The RNC has a Monopoly-like game called “Kerryopoly” that shows that Kerry is a rich guy who’s out of touch with Joe Six-Pack. Bush and Cheney are each worth tens of millions of dollars, but they’re just regular guys.

(4) Edwards, completing his sixth year in the U.S. Senate, is unfit to be Vice President of the United States. But Bush, after six years in the fifth most powerful position in Texas state government, was amply qualified to be President of the United States.

(5) Democrat-supporting actors have no business talking about politics, and should shut their ignorant yaps. But the Gropinator is eminently qualified to be Governor of California.

(6) Clinton’s consensual extramarital sex — bad. Gropinator’s serial sexual assaults — who cares?

(7) Term limits are good when Democrats control Congress. When Republicans control Congress, they have no interest in them.

(8) Democratic gerrymandering is evil. Republican gerrymandering is great, and should be done any time the Republicans get a majority in any state — screw that “every 10 years” crap.

(9) Clinton lying about blowjobs — must be impeached. Bush lying about everything except blowjobs — who cares?

(10) When it came to Clinton, nothing was too dorky to be a scandal — Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Blowjobgate. When it comes to Dubya, nothing’s big enough to be considered a scandal.

(11) Dean lets a heckler talk for a while, responds to him, then finally tells him to be quiet so Dean can give his speech — how dare he? People are arrested at Bush rallies for daring to wear anti-Bush shirts or carry anti-Bush signs –nothing wrong with that!

It gives more justification for spreading the war throughout the Middle East! And that means, you know, like, freedom and stuff. Eventually.

I doubt they’ll be able to spin a Bush defeat in November into good news. But then again, one can never underestimate a right whinger’s capacity for self delusion.

PLus, note that he is a lawyer teacher at a very second rate lschool.