1
Fun With Other People’s Religions (Pt. 2)
Miss Beth (hates Muslims, blogs with arms and legs, see below) explains that we misunderstand her project:
Myth vs Fact was created as a follow up to the 14 part Know Thine Enemy series. Know Thine Enemy presented too much information to be easily absorbed. Myth vs Fact intentionally runs to the other extreme.
The myth: “Islam is a religion of peace.” The fact: Islam was concocted by a brigand for the purpose of motivating his companions to engage in piracy for his enrichment & empowerment. The evidence which demonstrates the truth of that statement is distributed throughout the Myth vs Fact series.
Wokay then. Little known, I say, little known is that Catholicism was concocted by a gay Lothario for the purpose of seducing young boys — as his followers continue to do.
Let’s direct Miss Beth’s attention to the following letter, written by Clement of Alexandria (c. 150-215), which adds what seems to be a deleted passage back into the Gospel of Mark:
And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And, coming, she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, ‘Son of David, have mercy on me.’ But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered, went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway a great cry was heard from the tomb. And going near, Jesus rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And straightaway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb, they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do, and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan.
Heh-heh. ‘The mystery of the Kingdom of God’ indeed.
Someone might point out that this is non-canonical, not unlike the Islamic writings that Beth and many others are working to ‘expose.’ Then again, the ’secret Gospel’ tradition is (in actual fact) a very old and well-established one, and we find traces of this ‘Secret Mark’ in the canonical Gospel of Mark, with the ever-mysterious naked youth who streaks through Gethsemane. [whiz!] Yow, who was that naked guy? Wait, there he is again!
Perhaps next in our series: The (actual) violent gang war between Paul and Jesus’s brother James for control of the Church.
HumboldtBlue said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:21
Does this mean I should feel ashamed I was once an altar boy? (A chaste one for sure, because I guess the young priest who molested two brothers who served as altar boy with me were just a lot cuter).
Robert M. said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:24
There’s a quote from Beth’s book that I’m trying to remember. Something along the lines of judge not, then a bit about motes and beams… it’s way over my head, in any case, but maybe Beth and her keen religious discernment could explain it to me.
The Kenosha Kid said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:25
My pal Res Ipsa Loquitur tried to convince me to come up to Boston last week. “It will be fun! There will be lots of cool people there!” But I said no. Later, pictures revealed that GAVIN of SADLY NO was there, and I missed it! Woe is me!
Rufus said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:27
“And they come into Bethany.”
Ewwww.
Rufus said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:29
” Know Thine Enemy presented too much information to be easily absorbed. Myth vs Fact intentionally runs to the other extreme.”
So, in other words, “Myth vs Fact” intentionally presents too little information to be of any practical value? I see.
gbear said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:30
Didn’t Madeline Kahn wind up singing about that mystery in ‘Young Frankenstein’?
Cyber Pastor said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:33
You must think that attacking a fellow blogger is a way to get your jollies! When don’t you go to her site and have an open and honest debate?????
g said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:35
We can give you an example of her “honest and open debate” techniques when she visited last.
gunner said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:36
I hope Miss Beth doesn’t find out that Talk Like a Pirate Day is actually a tribute to the pirate founders of Islam. Arrgh, America, prepare to be boarded by dusky hordes!
J— said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:42
Someone might point out that this is non-canonical…
For canonical, see the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel.
mikey said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:46
It does actually say a little bit about americans that we at least still feel we need to justify our mindless racial hatred. I mean, racial hatred is as old as people, and it usually was its own justification.
But the fact that beth needs to explain her hatred, and even more, thinks she CAN provide an actual justification for wishing for genocide, says something about her root understanding that this kind of hatred is toxic and evil.
Of course, the reason she can ignore the mutterings of her vestigial conscience is that she is toxic and evil…
mikey
g said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:49
You must think that attacking a fellow blogger is a way to get your jollies!
I’ve never seen a mission statement that more perfectly captures Sadly, No!! Well put!
HumboldtBlue said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:51
Shorter Cyber Pastor: “Dear Jesus, O great son of God, brother of James, fucker of prostitutes (no wonder Sen. Vitter loves you!), we pray to thee today that you keep the ignorant fools who continually send me money when I say your name as ignorant as tulips. These putz’s have absolutely no clue I have been using the invisible God in the sky story to raise millions, and then I say a prayer and bless myself for it.”
Thom said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:54
You’ve gotta warn a guy when you’re sending them into a yard with a crazy poodle it. Jeez. That one’s nuts to the follicle and then some.
Her best comment (which you may have already reproduced here):
Hmmhmm.
t4toby said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:56
Did you see that? The bobber moved. I think we got a nibble.
Aww, probably just a Bluegill.
stogoe said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:58
Not bad as a S,N mission statement, but really, wouldn’t it be better if it said:
Attacking a fellow blogger because of the completely fucking insane things they regularly spew out is a great way to get your jollies!
mikey said,
November 1, 2007 at 22:59
OK then:
Main Entry:
Is·lam
Pronunciation:
\is-?läm, iz-, -?lam, ?is-?, ?iz-?\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Arabic isl?m submission (to the will of God)
1: the religious faith of Muslims including belief in Allah as the sole deity and in Muhammad as his prophet
Main Entry:
Mus·lim
Pronunciation:
\?m?z-l?m, ?mu?s-, ?mu?z-\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Arabic muslim, literally, one who submits (to God)
1 : an adherent of Islam
mikey
Hoosier X said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:00
It’s not Muslims she hates, it’s commas and proper capitalization and proper use of long dashes. Lern the diffemence, morans.
Viva la diffemence!
Thom said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:02
Hey Cyber Pastor - I get it. Wink wink, nudge nudge, and all that. Thanks for letting us who know in on the secret and thanks for helping the terrorists win and hatin, on America and whatever else other wonderful things you do.
Khyber Passtor. You’re killing me here.
Thom said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:05
It’s not water I hate;-;t’s oceans - - -learn the difference morons.
Some Guy said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:06
Say what you will, but the mental image of the 12 Apostles Cryp-Walking is almost enough to make me go to church.
Thom said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:06
Wow, that’s a pretty cool looking punctuation thingy, that one.
;-;
Grrrr.
Yo, can someone tell me what a “difference moron” is?
lame man said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:07
I find that honest and open debate is the best way to learn yerself how to hate millions of fellow humans.
t4toby said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:10
A Difference Moron is a relative of the moran.
The Moran is a mythological creature that inhabits the nightmares of anyone to the right of Dwight D. Eisenhower. Those inflicted are said to wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats, fearing that the moran has once again stolen their War Porn and Cheetos.
It is a terrible creature, indeed.
democommie said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:12
I hate people who hate.
Hoosier X said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:13
This ended up at the bottom of Part 1. Please indulge me by allowing me to post it here, at the top of Part 2, so we can elicit some thoughtful responses from our Muslim, excuse me, ISLAM-hating brethren and sistren.
tigrismus said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:17
Huh, I thought the Difference Moron was developed by Charles Babbage.
SamFromUtah said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:28
The Difference Moron is the principle behind the joke about the two stupid guys standing at the edge of a cliff - the taller one falls off, but the shorter one doesn’t because he was a little more on.
SamFromUtah said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:30
Huh, I thought the Difference Moron was developed by Charles Babbage.
He never finished it, abandoning the project when he had the idea for the Analytical Moron. Those are all over the place today - google “Scott Beauchamp”.
Mick Jagger said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:31
And I only get my rocks off while I’m attacking a fellow blogger
L.S./M.F.T. said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:37
“Heh-heh. ‘The mystery of the Kingdom of God’ indeed.”
Oh wow! They had slash-fic even back then?
Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Coming of the Lord”. Doesn’t it?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
November 1, 2007 at 23:56
The Nag Hammadi library as first-century slash-fic?
I am so going to steal that line. The hard part is finding an opportunity to use it.
Sarcastro said,
November 2, 2007 at 0:15
Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Coming of the Lord”. Doesn’t it?
Sadly, no (in that it’s not a new meaning). Check out what Epiphanius had to say about the Gnostic followers of the Gospel of Eve ca. 350 CE:
Kathleen said,
November 2, 2007 at 0:30
By the way, it’s not wingnuts I hate–it’s the Right Wing–learn the difference morons.
The Witch said,
November 2, 2007 at 0:38
Know *THINE* enemy? How about knowing thy grammar? (0.o)
Doctorb Science said,
November 2, 2007 at 1:40
“Thine” works, because “enemy” starts with a vowel or an h.
(Specifically, a vowel).
Rufus said,
November 2, 2007 at 1:43
My primary question for Beth is this:
If Islam is so bad/dangerous/what-have-you, why do you support American troops risking their lives to defend the government of a country which is overwhelmingly Muslim and whose constitution’s very first principle is that no law will be made that is contrary to Islamic law?
Moonbootica, Der Rosenkavalier said,
November 2, 2007 at 1:49
a good post by this blogger - Extremism vs fanaticism
The government is spending £70 million to combat Muslim extremism. This misses the point - the problem isn’t extremism, but fanaticism.
In a free society, the state should not trouble itself with extreme beliefs. If a man’s daft enough to want the establishment of an Islamic caliphate or Sharia law, he should be free to campaign for it.
The problem isn’t what Muslim extremists believe, but rather how they believe it. It’s the intensity, obsession and fanaticism that leads to violence that’s the problem, not extremism in iteself.
sounds pretty rational to me, but rationality is sadly lacking in wingnutland.
they just don’t do nuance and more the pity.
(: Tom :) said,
November 2, 2007 at 2:36
Knowing thy grammar takes mental contortions of herculean proportions. But, surprisingly, can be amazingly pleasurable if you can twist just right…
a different brad said,
November 2, 2007 at 3:00
Cyber pastor’s blog is teh awesum.
His bio,
So he’s not married to his second wife?
The sad thing is I don’t think his writing style is an affect.
owlbear1 said,
November 2, 2007 at 3:59
Cyberpastor why not have an open and honest debate here?
Is The Mighty THOR truly a godly law enforcer or just a dick with a magic hammer?
Just asking said,
November 2, 2007 at 4:08
Not to play devil’s advocate or anything… but….
Wasn’t Mohammed a bit, em, violent? I mean his boys did go out and conquer the Arabs. They did cut off heads and what-not, didn’t they? And the dynasties founded thereafter did expand in all directions until about the 15th century, right?
I’m not saying these bigots are correct in much, but they do have a point that Islam was founded in violent conquest, and grew by the same methods. Christ waren’t a warlord, was he?
owlbear1 said,
November 2, 2007 at 4:36
Well, it really depends which people you put on the committee to write the book which will solidify your control.
owlbear1 said,
November 2, 2007 at 4:39
I should also add that “IN CHRIST’S NAME” has been the justification for many a warlord’s “Liberation” of the non-believers.
Gavin M. said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:01
Not to play devil’s advocate or anything… but….
Wasn’t Mohammed a bit, em, violent? I mean his boys did go out and conquer the Arabs. They did cut off heads and what-not, didn’t they? And the dynasties founded thereafter did expand in all directions until about the 15th century, right?
I’m not saying these bigots are correct in much, but they do have a point that Islam was founded in violent conquest, and grew by the same methods. Christ waren’t a warlord, was he?
Sure, but the comparison between Mohammed and Jesus isn’t terribly meaningful, since Jesus hardly had anything to do with the founding of Christianity. It makes more sense historically to compare Mohammed and the early Church, from the time of Paul — and even that comparison is lacking, since Christianity didn’t really get started as a political force until Constantine.
This was still about 300 years before Islam was founded. By the time Mohammed arrived on the scene, the Church was functioning as a continuation of the Roman (civil) system throughout much of Europe, with power politics, control of military forces, heads being cut off, etc.
Darkrose said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:09
Christ waren’t a warlord, was he?
No.
Constantine, however, is a different story. Since institutionalized Christianity pretty much got started with him, that would be a more accurate comparison. Especially since nothing in the Gospels indicates that Jesus bar Joseph intented to start a new religion, separate from Judaism.
Gavin M. said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:12
Added something to the above comment after the Constantine line, btw.
In fact, it’s not clear that the Jesus of Christianity was based on a single individual. The Talmud has some really tantalizing bits that refer to an earlier tradition, probably based on a man named Jesus bar Pantera.
a different brad said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:35
Pfffft. That Jesus’s tale resembles a fictional combination of Heracles, Socrates, lots of Jews I don’t really know about, some Middle Eastern hero cults, Mithras, and so on is hardly a reason to question the literal existence of a man who left no direct trace despite living in a period and place which did a pretty decent job of recording its history.
It’s not like he supposedly did anything notable or anything.
You’re just a cynic, Gavin.
DEMIZE! said,
November 2, 2007 at 5:43
God is an atheist,carry on….
Gavin M. said,
November 2, 2007 at 6:21
Well, the historical Jesus (the bar-Yusef one) is pretty hard to track down. It isn’t even clear whether there was really a town called Nazareth during the time in question.
And we’re dealing with an administrative power here that recorded everything. It’s hard to lose an entire town with Roman clerks and chroniclers on the job.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 2, 2007 at 6:28
Jesus bar Pantera.
I think that stuff’s just a cheap slur.
However, since you’re slurring Jesus carry on.
Dennis Savage said,
November 2, 2007 at 8:47
I thought it was Jesus bar Sepultra.
Porlock Junior said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:53
Tigrismus:
“Huh, I thought the Difference Moron was developed by Charles Babbage.”
No, it’s the other way around.
Doron Swade wrote the book about reconstructing the Difference Moron. Really. I kind of wonder how the fellow survived childhood with that name.
http://www.amazon.com/Difference-Engine-Charles-Babbage-Computer/dp/0142001449/ref=pd_bbs_sr_4/002-5794466-6252819?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193989653&sr=8-4
ajsuhail said,
November 2, 2007 at 12:20
And more fulminations from Miss Beth.
“learn to read and learn to deal with the fact, goat fucker, there’s a rather large contingent of us that will not appease the likes of you and we will fight you and your murderous, misogynistic, pedophiliac agenda until our dying breath”
“I told you you had one chance left to even prove you were part of the human race. The site does open, it’s not my fault you’re totally incompetent. Click on it again, you lying sack of pork infested, goat fucking, woman hating piece of shit.”
“I DARE you, asshole, totally DARE you, to 1) go to my main site (if you have the balls and aren’t a total eunich) and 2) show me one, just one redeeming factor of your purported “religion”. Just one.”
Whew! She is even worse than the average right wing whacko
ajsuhail said,
November 2, 2007 at 12:21
And what’s more, she has a fetish about Goats!
ichomobothogogus said,
November 2, 2007 at 13:44
it might sound as if Beth’s being a tad harsh there, but you have to bear in mind she was talking to Mickey Kaus
NickM said,
November 2, 2007 at 14:52
Why go past the gospels to find insanity or violence?
Here’s a good one. Luke 19:27; Jesus says: “But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them in my presence.”
Just asking said,
November 2, 2007 at 16:02
Hmmm, well those are reasonable points. I think what folks are saying is, don’t compare Mohammed and Jesus, compare Muslims in power to Christians in power, and what you will find is no particular propensity to violence on the Muslim side.
Oh sure… you’re welcome.
Sarcastro said,
November 2, 2007 at 16:26
Is The Mighty THOR truly a godly law enforcer or just a dick with a magic hammer?
Well, if you rub Mjølnir it does get bigger.
“… and so the next morning I tell her I’m Thor and she says ‘You’re thor? I think I’ll be walking bowlegged for a week!’”
Clütch414 said,
November 2, 2007 at 17:35
“Jesus bar Pantera.”
Wait…Pantera? I used to like them but they haven’t put anything really good out since “Far Beyond Driven.” And then they broke up. And then Dimebag was shot by some retard.
The Gospel according to Phillip Ansemo?
“RE…SPECT….WALKETH” and so forth.
Can we cannonize Dimebag Darrell?
Righteous Bubba said,
November 2, 2007 at 17:48
This:
And then Dimebag was shot by some retard.
And this:
Can we cannonize Dimebag Darrell?
Look, just how cannonized do you think the guy can get at this point?
Clütch414 said,
November 2, 2007 at 18:40
RB,
Thanks for catching that slip. Maybe I should’ve used the term “Sainted”?
Sadly, No! » Fun With Other People’s Religions (Dep’t Of Corrections) said,
November 2, 2007 at 20:05
[...] guess we’ll work on getting laid later, but as NickM notes, here’s Jesus from Luke 19:27: But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over [...]
Principal Blackman said,
November 2, 2007 at 20:27
pork infested
Whoah, back up the Crazy Bus for just a second here…is “pork infested” supposed to be some sort of insult? Because if enjoying a nice pork loin roast or a pulled pork sammich is wrong, then I most assuredly don’t want to be right.
mds said,
November 2, 2007 at 20:54
The Talmud has some really tantalizing bits that refer to an earlier tradition, probably based on a man named Jesus bar Pantera.
Oooh, I just love his soup-and-sandwich chain!
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
November 3, 2007 at 1:25
Goat-milk… sheep-milk… buffalo-milk… they have all kinds of dairy products at Cheeses bar Pan-thera
Darkrose said,
November 3, 2007 at 7:40
In fact, it’s not clear that the Jesus of Christianity was based on a single individual. The Talmud has some really tantalizing bits that refer to an earlier tradition, probably based on a man named Jesus bar Pantera.
I read that as “Jesus bar Panera”. If the Body of Christ had tasted more like one of these, I might still be willing to get my butt out of bed on Sunday mornings.*
* Actually, my mother made unleavened whole wheat bread for Communion a few times, and it was quite tasty.
Arlington Acid said,
November 3, 2007 at 10:32
The (actual) violent gang war between Paul and Jesus’s brother James for control of the Church.
Eisenmann! Eisenmann! Eisenmann!!!