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Nov
1

News On Teh March




Posted at 20:27 by Gavin M.

Navy Mistakenly Drops Dummy Bomb In Virginia Beach

OMG, it must have been meant for one of the interior or southern states.

Update: Four words that could change the world: “gay bomb broken arrow.”

57 Comments »

  1. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:28

    The fact is, you will use any possible way to insult the Heartland, which you coastal eleitists would do well to embulate.

  2. Kathleen said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:29

    I surrender Drunken Gary!

    you are the best

  3. Bistroist said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:31

    What’s it been, a few weeks since they mistakenly flew a planeload of nukes cross country? How reassuring.

  4. Kathleen said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:32

    Gavin – you neglected to inform your readers that the Navy does NOT appear to be investigating whether any of the people on the plane were Muslims.

    If I don’t see a response to my comment in 20 minutes, we must assume that Al Qeda was piloting the plane.

  5. Spirula said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:34

    embulate

    No thanks. You Heartlanders are welcome to all the clots.

  6. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:37

    Gary’s the Kansas Clouseau.

  7. mikey said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:37

    Hmm, I’d heard rumors they were working on one, but I didn’t realize they had actually deployed the Dummy Bomb.

    I suspect they accidentally dropped one on Gary’s neighborhood – and Fred Thompson happened to be visiting at the time.

    I’m not sure what the purpose of that R&D would have been. Did bush decide that his policies would be more palatable to the rest of the world if we could somehow make them a bunch of dummies? Or would bush just like to feel like, for once, he was smarter than SOMEBODY?

    mikey

  8. leo durocher said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:44

    Oceana Naval Air Station.

    Somewhere, George Orwell is smiling.

  9. Matt T. said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:46

    Man, there’s a football game this weekend and Athens always goes nuts for Halloween. I think someone already dropped a Dummy Bomb on Georgia.

  10. lame man said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:47

    Somewhere, George Orwell is smiling.

    But, man does he smell bad.

    (I’m very, very sorry for this comment. Really. Truly.)

  11. Candy said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:48

    I’m not sure what the purpose of that R&D would have been. Did bush decide that his policies would be more palatable to the rest of the world if we could somehow make them a bunch of dummies? Or would bush just like to feel like, for once, he was smarter than SOMEBODY?

    mikey

    I don’t think it’s an either/or thing. Both those reasons seem likely.

    Pssst – hey, Fake Gary? I’m a socialist who’s caucusing for Edwards and I live in freakin’ Iowa. And your buddy Fred Thompson is bombing here. Heh.

  12. Legalize said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:50

    I think the military should develop a ‘wackiness bomb’ which would cause enemy troops to embulate hilarious characters from famous British television programs. That would be awesome.

  13. Hoosier X said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:53

    The only downside to Fred’s ultimate failure is that one of the other Repug candidates will get the nomination.

  14. g said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:58

    Fake Gary has actually made it impossible to counter him.

    You try to copy a phrase to reply to, and the sheer absurdity of it makes any reply, however snarky, pale in comparison to the hilarity of Gary.

    I would worry about this new development in troll tactics, if it weren’t such an unintended benefit.

  15. stryx said,

    November 1, 2007 at 20:58

    Why would I want to embulate an arsenhole like GaryBot? Wait, that was SethBot.

    I’m calling shenanigans.

  16. Dhalgren said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:08

    That ain’t too far from CY’s neck of the woods. Is this post a little swipe at him, perhaps?

  17. a different mikey said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:08

    I think Matt T. is right and they’ve been experimenting with the Dummy Bomb here in Georgia. The pulsations of teh Stoopid have been surging lately and its been affecting many who are usually immune, including yours truly. The GA-FL game on Sat. was like a neutron bomb of dumb for a hundred miles in all directions.

    More dummy bombs and I’ll be reduced to the condition of Fake Gary. Watch out Left Coasters once they’ve perfected it on us you know where they’ll deploy it.

  18. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:16

    I was sorry to read that, among the many wacky bomb ideas considered by the air force, no mention was made of my own proposal – codename Priapus.

    One bomb = many hard-ons.

    Game over. Battle won.

  19. Marco said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:17

    A gay bomb? Tom Cruise’s last move?

  20. MrWonderful said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:19

    “which you coastal eleitists would do well to embulate.”

    Trans.:

    eleitist = e (electronic) + leit (milk) + ist (devotee, practitioner)

    embulate = conflation of “emergency” and “ambulance,” “ambulatory,” etc.

    Thus: “…which you people who drink electronic milk would do well to walk away from.”

    Drunk? I don’t think so. Here is wisdom.

  21. Wes F. in Cincinnati said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:21

    Electronic Milk Practitioner would be a killer band name.

    WF

  22. Candy said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:27

    Marco: A Tom Cruise missile, in fact . . .

  23. Miss South Carolina said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:36

    As I have had said before, such as, US Americans, such as Gavin, do not have maps, and therefore, like, the South, uh, he doesn’t know where Virginia is, such as the South.

  24. zsa said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:37

    Snarkle,

    “I warn you, my lad, you will be sodomised; you, my girl, I shall futter; for the thief who is bearded, a third punishment remains.”
    “… If I do seize you . . . you shall be so stretched that you will think your anus never had any wrinkles.”

    Priapus will be a big hit at the upcoming GOP convention.

  25. Matt T. said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:43

    The GA-FL game on Sat. was like a neutron bomb of dumb for a hundred miles in all directions.

    Aw, man, I think that game permanently damaged the brains of these people. Full disclosure, I’m a UF grad but, because of time spent covering sports, I could give a flying fuck about teams and rivalries and shit like that. Good football I like; thus, the reason I was disappointed in that game is because it was fucking pitiful to watch. I was at UF during the primo Spurrier years, and that shit just hurt. How in the hell were either of those teams ranked? That must not mean a damn thing anymore.

    Folks here are still going goofy, and the amount of costumes that amounted to “Gators are faggots” I saw Downtown last night was truly depressing. I’m gonna laugh my ass off if they screw up and let Troy State beat ‘em, though, and from what I understand, that’s entirely possible.

  26. Marco said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:47

    Candy said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:27

    Marco: A Tom Cruise missile, in fact . . .

    I am intrigued like a straight republican who is all about family values and votes against gay rights but whose Tivo is full of Ultimate Fighting matches and Desperate Housewives reruns.

  27. Kathleen said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:48

    “Bent Spear” and “Broken Arrow” seem a little, um, how do I put it, hmmm….evocative. of something.

  28. t4toby said,

    November 1, 2007 at 21:49

    I think you’ve all got it wrong.

    Gary is the Dummy Bomb.

  29. Despondant Cantabridgian said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:14

    Well, if I were a terrorist and I got the gay bomb, where would I even use it? My first thought was the Republican National Convention, but I don’t think it would do anything.

    The Superbowl? Yes, yessss…. that would be a halftime show.

  30. Virginia Beach said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:24

    Durr.

  31. thelogos said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:25

    I think the military should develop a ‘wackiness bomb’ which would cause enemy troops to embulate hilarious characters from famous British television programs. That would be awesome.

    Part of the Ken MacLeod’s “Star Fraction” has the use of weapons-grade LSD in a combat environment, rather than nasty things like mustard gas or nerve agents.

  32. thelogos said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:27

    I suspect Gary and Kevin were either the prototypes for the Dummy Bomb or were the first “research subjects”.

  33. yoinks said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:31

    hold on, hold on: is the phrase “gay bomb broken arrow” copyrighted in any way? Cuz if not, suckers, I’ve just got myself a killer Hollywood script 90% written.

  34. Duros62 said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:39

    A gay bomb? Tom Cruise’s last move?

    No, no. Tom Cruise’s next movie.
    And all movies subsequently.

  35. Dayv said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:42

    The U.S. Armed Forces: inspiring public confidence since… [checks watch]

  36. FlipYrWhig said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:53

    I was hoping that the “dummy bomb” was armed with a warhead full of mannequins. Kind of a humane Shock-’n'-Awe thing, to create the impression of greater carnage.

  37. thelogos said,

    November 1, 2007 at 22:58

    I was hoping that the “dummy bomb” was armed with a warhead full of mannequins. Kind of a humane Shock-’n’-Awe thing, to create the impression of greater carnage.

    Mayhaps the Absurdists Devolutionary Front has developed something along those lines for use against their arch-foes: The Super Pinks.

  38. Virginia Beach said,

    November 1, 2007 at 23:21

    I wasn’t all that smart to begin with.

  39. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    November 1, 2007 at 23:23

    If the Absurdists Devolutionary Front deploy the Fish Tank — which fires real fish* — then I expect some credit.

    * 90 mm talbot, if anyone is asking.

  40. Dorothy said,

    November 1, 2007 at 23:33

    I think the military should develop a ‘wackiness bomb’ which would cause enemy troops to embulate hilarious characters from famous British television programs. That would be awesome.

    Let’s see…one well-placed Benny Hill Missile, and both armies would be embulating around the battlefield at double speed, pants would be dropping like flies, guns would be squirting water when held in any position approximating a penis.

    That wouldn’t be awsome.
    That would be fucking awesome!

    (As long as I don’t have to wear garters. Some sacrifices I am not willing to make…)

  41. Clem said,

    November 1, 2007 at 23:52

    C’mon, people, this is just the Navy’s snarky way of honoring the late Paul Tibbets.

  42. mattyoung said,

    November 2, 2007 at 0:00

    Yoinks,

    Change it to “gay bomb brokeback arrow” and you’re 3% closer.

  43. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 2, 2007 at 2:44

    (As long as I don’t have to wear garters. Some sacrifices I am not willing to make…)

    What kind of Benny Hill-war would it be, Dorothy, without garter snapping? Come on now, we will have to make sacrifices to achieve our vision.

  44. Crissa said,

    November 2, 2007 at 2:56

    Hum, sounds more like the bomb fell off the aircraft rather than being intentionally …umm… dropped.

  45. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    November 2, 2007 at 3:02

    No, no, no. The wartime use of classic English comedy was explicitly forbidden by the Genevieve Convention of 1953.

  46. owlbear1 said,

    November 2, 2007 at 3:29

    Given Cheney’s “1% doctrine” this means all navy practices MUST end.

    America must be kept SAFE.

    11/1 changed everything.

  47. A.W. Merrick said,

    November 2, 2007 at 5:03

    embulate = conflation of “emergency” and “ambulance,” “ambulatory,” etc.

    (thinking out loud…)

    Hmmm… The Embulators…

  48. RobW said,

    November 2, 2007 at 5:15

    The wartime use of classic English comedy

    Sorry, I can’t read that phrase without thinking of this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjbYNgIi5ss

  49. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    November 2, 2007 at 5:22

    Hey, I’d be willing to wear garters in a good cause. Hell, we can all wear ‘em.

    Reminds me of one of my favourite versions of political commentary. Can’t remember whose idea it was (could have been mine for all I know), but the basics were that pollies had to wear big clown pants (with a hoop waistband), big red noses that honk when squeezed, and pour whitewash down each others’ trousers when taking the floor to speak.

    That might (a) free some of them of the notion that they’re important reputable men, and (b) provide some free entertainment. Might also get more people watching Question Time, and civic knowledge is never a bad thing.

  50. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    November 2, 2007 at 5:37

    “C’mon, people, this is just the Navy’s snarky way of honoring the late Paul Tibbets.”

    I think Clem’s on to something, though I wonder if they were actually trying to bury him.

  51. kobie said,

    November 2, 2007 at 6:38

    The fact is, you will use any possible way to insult the Heartland, which you coastal eleitists would do well to embulate.

    Virginia Beach is the “heartland”?

  52. bjacques said,

    November 2, 2007 at 11:34

    I want one of these. The one on the left, that looks like a Knid from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. The one on the right would be pretty cool too.

  53. bjacques said,

    November 2, 2007 at 11:34

    Actually, kobie, Heart Beach is part of the…

  54. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    November 2, 2007 at 12:17

    I think the US Navy should dedicate its next two dummy bombs to Laurel and Hardy. They could be called Little Boy and Fat Man.

  55. kenga said,

    November 2, 2007 at 20:25

    use of weapons-grade LSD

    Dear Sir or Madam – I would like to hear more about your product and/or service.

  56. Balloon Juice said,

    November 27, 2007 at 3:46

    [...] were warned about the dangers of the gay bomb, but we did not pay attention. We should [...]

  57. mbuix ngewiyl said,

    August 16, 2008 at 16:35

    wqinol rmxatlp isxtqg owaseblhk ltgqfvnzc agwebcq rtqvdon

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