Oct
24
24
Shorter Michelle Malkin
Wildfires And Environmental Obstructionism
Audio cue: ‘Lara’s Theme’ from Dr. Zhivago
- Deranged moonbats in the comments of a Kos diary and also in a remark on a radio show are blaming Bush for the California wildfires,* but it is the same sick, demented Left that is truly at fault, for opposing President Bush’s attempt to open national forests to logging operations, and [mumble mumble] these unforested areas in California, with the drought and the winds that despite the idiotic ravings of the spittle-flecked Left have nothing to do with so-called ‘global warming,’ showing once again that I am not a bad person! [sobbing]
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
* Or rather, for the National Guard being tied up in Iraq, but it looks better as “blam[ing] Bush” and “blam[ing] the wildfires on the Iraq War,” because nonsensical claims more accurately convey the inner badness of enemy life forms.
The Kenosha Kid said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:02
Yeah, well I’d hit… uh, never mind…
jimmiraybob said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:18
If only the liberal far left leftard lefties hadn’t opposed the Bush No Brush Left Behind initiative. You know, the one where all the brush and scrub are bulldozed into the ocean leaving only non-flammable dirt for the people to enjoy.
Bookish said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:19
She looks wistful, as if imagining she was an white man or Peggy Noonan. Or perhaps daydreaming of a naked Geraldo on horseback, moustache swaying in the breeze.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:25
Shorter Stalkin’ Malkin? She’s already what, 5 feet nothing? A vicious, right wing pygmy. But even if she were the height of an NBA player, she’d still be a spiteful, morally stunted, very small person.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:29
Shorter Michelle Malkin
She’s taking this whole shrinking crisis well.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:31
Beaten to a short joke. Better than being beaten for a short joke I suppose, as bruised shins are nasty.
Legalize said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:35
Ehh, daylight does not really flatter Stalkin’ Malkin.
Cangrejero said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:50
Don’t worry, one of her commenters has a plan.
I suggest that everyone who has lost their home due to these fires, sue the Sierra Club et al, tort, joint and several liability.
Hit them in the pocket book.
And after the first time, get their donor lists and sue them too. After the first suit, the donors should have known if their organizations were creating a fire hazard, and thus share liability.
Luther said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:51
The way I understand it, logging is really difficult with all those houses in the way.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:52
Photons from any source don’t do much for her, without TV makeup. And then you never know when she’s going to make one of those bugeyed batshit crazy faces that reveal what’s really going on in her head.
I made the mistake of going over to her site again. I always hope to see something… human, but no. It’s all screeching, all the time. No jokes, no posts about music, or art (unless there’s an artist or musician producing insufficiently patriotic product). It’s depressing.
Cangrejero said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:55
On October 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm, John Ansell said:
AJ, I have know doubt who’s doing the looting.
(emphasis added)
You can’t make this stuff up.
Nimrod Gently said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:56
Are you sure that’s shorter?
Legalize said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:58
“I suggest that everyone who has lost their home due to these fires, sue the Sierra Club et al, tort, joint and several liability.”
I always wonder how these people can discuss matters about which they have absolutely no understanding without feeling at least a little embarassed or silly. I mean, that statement doesn’t even have any meaning!
Gavin M. said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:05
Well, sometimes the Shorter concept is more notional than other times. Hm.
Shorter Michelle Malkin:
See, it lacks a certain frenetic, all-over-the-place quality.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:07
“I always wonder how these people can discuss matters about which they have absolutely no understanding ”
They’re encouraged by Malkin’s example. She calls herself a journalist, but didn’t go to journalism school. She wrote a book defending internment, and the fact that she didn’t know what she was talking about didn’t stop her. As we have seen so many times, ignorance and falsehood are no impediment to success in the rightwing blogosphere.
sophie brown said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:13
common legalize, that guy heard “tort, joint and several liability” on some lawyer show on tv and wants to show he is as hip as the next dude. And he’s got that et al. in there too — snap, he’s no fool.
Trilateral Chairman said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:18
The way I understand it, logging is really difficult with all those houses in the way.
It’s even more difficult when much of the fires are burning in chaparral, which is notoriously short on trees of any substantial size. (There are scrub oaks, but those are really more along the lines of shrubs…and anyway the scientific name for the family is FAGaceae, which, well, you know.)
I do think that some more brush clearing would’ve been useful, especially given the weather patterns over the last few years. Come to think of it, we should’ve sent the President. He likes clearing brush.
D. Aristophanes said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:23
She calls herself a journalist, but didn’t go to journalism school.
Hey! I resemble that remark!
Actually, most of the journalists I’ve worked with and respect didn’t go to J-school, either. Which isn’t to say that not going to J-school makes you a good journalist, or anything. To wit: Malkin.
Rufus said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:37
Why isn’t she blaming the fires on illegal immigrants? That way, everybody wins!
Bill Belichick said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:42
I caused the fires cuz I’m teh evil cheetah …
Adam Viniateri said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:44
Evil Bill and Tom caused teh fye-izz.
Mike Vick said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:46
Those fye-izz killin’ more dogs than I ever did. Do I get my signing bonus back ?
Spokane Moderate said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:03
(There are scrub oaks, but those are really more along the lines of shrubs…and anyway the scientific name for the family is FAGaceae, which, well, you know.)
Not much you can do, really. They were flaming already.
MCH said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:06
Now just imagine a bundle of scrub oak sticks…
stryx said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:11
Oh now this is just gonna make her get all squinty faced and shouty.
Gavin M. said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:17
Added a link — thanks!!
Legalize said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:24
Stalkin Malkin should achieve full unhinged-ness by the end of business today.
r@d@r said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:26
Now just imagine a bundle of scrub oak sticks…
i forget the word for that, is it ‘faggot’ or ‘fascist’?
the urban folklore i’ve heard for why that first F-word is used to describe persons of a certain persuasion is because of the fuel that was used to burn them at the stake…..i can neither confirm nor deny this rumor.
sorry for the gallows humor and amateur etymology, but all this is giving me flashbacks of the oakland fire…………..
MCH said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:34
Now just imagine a bundle of scrub oak sticks…
i forget the word for that, is it ‘faggot’ or ‘fascist’?
It all depends on where you left the axe after chopping the sticks.
If you put it away, the bundle’s a faggot. If you left the axe in the pile and tied it up with the sticks, it’s a fasces (same root as “fascist”), apparently a Roman symbol of authority–it’s the thing on the back of the old “Mercury” dimes, the kind ironically in circulation back when we were fighting fascists.
Davis said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:37
And after the first time, get their donor lists and sue them too. After the first suit, the donors should have known if their organizations were creating a fire hazard, and thus share liability.
But I joined just to get the free backpack!
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:42
She does have a point. If we cut down all of the trees, there wouldn’t be any more fires!
And by trees, of course, I mean anything made of wood or other flammable materials, including houses (but not Michelle’s house).
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 24, 2007 at 18:50
the urban folklore i’ve heard for why that first F-word is used to describe persons of a certain persuasion is because of the fuel that was used to burn them at the stake…..i can neither confirm nor deny this rumor.
I can deny it. (Or rather, the Online Etymology Dictionary can)
Matt T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 19:05
Man, that’s not a flattering picture a’tall. She looks like she’s hitting the local Denny’s after a long night to get some good in her in hopes she can get herself sober enough to go into work. Seeing that hard morning sun, like God’s flashlight, and realizing that your Grand Slam Breakfast is the best your day’s gonna get.
I been there.
Marco said,
October 24, 2007 at 19:43
Michelle is onto something. Get rid of the trees = no fires. And no breathing of air, but you know….
Nylund said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:00
The article she links to talks about how the forest service needed to clear brush but couldn’t due to environmentalist interference, but the kicker is when the Forest Service busts this out as the critical reasoning as to why it has to be done:
“The link between climate change and wildfires is easily apparent on a global and national scale.”
In other words, Malkin is complaining because liberals wouldn’t let the government deal with the effects of global warming.
Jeebus said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:11
Pity these ignorant mouth-breathers have no idea what the term chapparal means. Jeebus…let’s let the Forest Service thin where thinning is appropriate (coming from somebody with 3 friggin’ degrees in Forestry/Ecology) and stop building where it’s not appropriate.
My heart goes out to all the people affected by these fires, but get some &^$%# perspective and quit spouting off on topics for which you have no ^%#*@ clue.
It’s the historical suppression of fire that makes the fires so bad…too much fuel build-up. Do these assholes think that timber companies will bid on contracts to remove coarse woody debris to lighten the fuel loads? Oh yeah…unregulated harvesting is the answer! I forgot.
Always cracks me up listening to the wingnuts act like they know anything about ecology.
Jeebus
Nylund said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:13
Shorter Malkin: “global warming is making brush dry, but global warming isn’t real, but if it were, its obviously the liberals who are preventing us from dealing with it so we should chop down healthy trees, even though the clearing of dry brush won’t do any good anyway according to the article I just referenced about global warming, and cutting down healthy trees has nothing to do with clearing dry brush except that somehow it proves that liberals are evil. or something.”
Gavin, you’re right. You can’t make it shorter. Her reasoning has no sense of logic to it and is so all over the place that you can’t sum it up. She compares apples to oranges then tries to sell you a banana in an attempt to prove that pears are the best.
M. Bouffant said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:17
MCH: Not just the mercury dime. Check the Wikipedia entry for “fasces.” The things are still all over the Senate & House. Not to mention the fascists.
She should be hit. W/ a bundle of sticks.
MCH said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:20
She compares apples to oranges then tries to sell you a banana in an attempt to prove that pears are the best.
That just rules the world. Rock on.
The Letter F said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:25
I fabricated a faggot of Fagaceae into a fasces for fascist-fighting.
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:45
Some idiot on LA Times’ fire blog proclaimed that the reason the evacuee situation at Qualcomm was so much nicer in comparison to the situation at the Superdome during Katrina is because the evacuees aren’t black.
Of course, he overlooked the fact that Qualcomm has electricity, running water, food and water supplies, and airconditioning. And the fact that vendors and purveyors of supplies are able to deliver to the facility.
And I, too am upset that the tree-huggers caused the wildfires. If only we were able to log the vast redwood forests of Malibu, none of this would have happened.
Sir Oolius said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:50
The real problem is she’s confusing federal with county land. The Healthy Forest Intiative was meant to “thin” Forest Service land. Pretty much all of the fires–at least this time around–started on SAN county land. It would have been impossible for her BFF Bush to have spared SoCal from these fires.
t4toby said,
October 24, 2007 at 21:07
The important thing is that we find someone to blame.
Nylund said,
October 24, 2007 at 22:14
The non-partisan government auditors are already pointing fingers at Bush:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/10/24/govt-auditors-warned-bus_n_69702.html
Duros62 said,
October 24, 2007 at 22:16
Not just the mercury dime. Check the Wikipedia entry for “fasces.” The things are still all over the Senate & House. Not to mention the fascists.
No, no. I think you mean feces.
J— said,
October 24, 2007 at 22:30
From Lowell Ponte’s “California Fires Raise Many Questions” (NewsMax, 10/24/07):
He’s just
slingingthinking out loud, of course.Hysterical Woman said,
October 24, 2007 at 23:00
And then the
JewsIslamofascists poisoned the wells!M. Bouffant said,
October 25, 2007 at 1:00
I actually typoed it as “fesces,” but decided not to go w/ the joke.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 25, 2007 at 1:08
decided not to go w/ the joke.
!!!!!!!
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 25, 2007 at 1:28
I guess if I shout at the kids to get off my grass, that will make me a Fescist.
Dennis Moore said,
October 25, 2007 at 5:06
Blimey! These Carbon Sinks are trickier than I thought!
MFB said,
October 25, 2007 at 12:07
She looks rather fine in that photograph.
A little like Nelson Mandela in a frightwig.