24
Hambone’s Connected To The. . .Assbone
contemporary expression.
Let’s check in with Farmer Giles of Ham:
How to Shut Up an Atheist if You Must
By Doug GilesThe atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close. Yes, the fat lady just wrenched herself off her humongous backside, has cleared her throat and now is fixin’ to sing the finale on the atheist’s ability to have fun with their specious little fairy tales at the Christians’ expense.
That is if the Christian will buy, devour, commit to memory and stand up and challenge the pouty anti-God cabal with the atheist-slaying facts found in two new books from Regnery namely, What’s So Great about Christianity and The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Bible.
Authors Dinesh D’Souza and Robert Hutchinson skillfully answer, once again, the atheist’s pet questions about the existence (or non-existence) of God and how Christianity has allegedly made the world suck. Suck, for you thick atheists, is a slang word which means to make or to be really, really crappy (kind of like how our culture becomes anytime you guys mess with it).
[...]
Lastly, comfortable and cocky atheists, you had better brace yourselves. Hundreds of thousands of Christians and authors are about to read these books and, as stated, systematically dismember your old and haggard arguments.
In addition, everywhere I go and speak — be it in conferences, on the radio, on television or in print — I’m going to encourage the tens of thousands of Christians I address that every time and everywhere they get crapped on by an atheist with unfounded arguments to open their mouths and slam dance them with facts found in these two new brilliant books from Regnery.
First of all, ‘slam dance them with facts’? Dude, an early 80′s Oingo Boingo concert called. It wants its thoroughly dated lingo back. Second of all, you are quite possibly the biggest tool ever. Is there an HTML tag for ‘snorts derisively’? Like, bracket-pshaw-close-bracket-A HREF=”youhavegottobefuckingkiddingme” dot-php-open-quote-WTF-OMFG-STFU-&cetera-&cetera-close-quote-bracket-backslash-pshaw-close-bracket? Or something?
However, silly as it seems, we’ll play along with your premise, which seems to be something along the lines of ‘Snappy Comebacks to Several Millennia of Profound Existential Thought.’ Here goes:
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: Can God make a rock so heavy he can’t lift it?
DOUG GILES: That’s what she said! BWAHAHAHA!
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: How do you reconcile the problem of natural evil with your declaration of an omni-benevolent God?
DOUG GILES: As if! There you go again! Where’s the beef? Slam dance! Could it be … SATAN?!?!? Ka-ching!
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: Assuming an omnipotent and omniscient Creator, what prevents Him from setting up a few basic rules for natural selection (or indeed, for physical reality as we can measure it), then letting his creation play out across time without having to personally interfere with it?
DOUG GILES: I like big butts and I do not lie! Nanu-nanu! Ayyyyy!
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: Why your God, Doug, when so many others are on offer from equally zealous advocates?
DOUG GILES: Eat my shorts! Cowabunga! Don’t have a cow, man! Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis? I’m lovin’ it! Well, exc-u-u-u-u-se me!
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: Why would a loving God endow his creations with such limited capacity to understand the metaphysical and such robust tools for quantifying the physical … then turn and around and punish His subjects for all eternity should they judge rational conclusions based on the latter to be more useful to them than blind guesses about the former?
DOUG GILES: That’s a tasty burger! Go ahead, make my day! D’oh! I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not! Zing! Makin’ copies! De plane! De plane! Lighten up, Francis! Nap attack! Gilligan, drop those coconuts! Dyn-o-mite! Oh, my nose! Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Sit on it! E.T. phone home! I. . .can. . .he-e-e-ear you! Greed is good! What we have here is a failure to communicate! Good grief! The doctor is. . .in! What am I, a clown to you? Zed’s dead, baby! Good mo-o-ornin’ Vietnam! Ho-o-o-gan! I know nussink! I hear nussink! Your pa-pers, pleeze! In my heart, I know I’m funny! Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, except maybe the Indy 500! Medic! May the Force be with you! Take my wife. . .please! Ha-ted it! Homey don’t play dat! Well, isn’t that special! Hey, Sal, how come they ain’t no brothas on the wall? Tastes great! Less filling! Leggo my Eggo! And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids! John Wayne was a fag! Do you believe in miracles? Yo, Adrian! I. Will. Break. You. Who dat? Choppin’ broccoli! Wayne’s World! Wayne’s World! Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun! Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, San Jose! You’ll love it at Levitz!
COMPLETE CANON OF PHILOSOPHICAL INQUIRY: Okay, you win. God is great.
JK47 said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:10
From our friends at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:
“Christians believe that a cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple of discernment from a magical tree.”
That sums it up pretty nicely.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:16
“Wow”, I think to myself, “a new gauntlet has been thrown by the religionists. I may have to check these books out.”
Then he busts out with “author Dinesh D’Souza” and it’s game over.
But, who knows? Maybe the guy who revealed that 9/11 happened because of Britney Spears and “The Vagina Monlogues” has overturned Einstein’s relativism and shown that ther IS a priveledged place in the universe from which an observer could see all activity without distortion. Maybe David Hume’s demonstration of the impossibility of miracles has been defeated by the guy who said that racism isn’t all bad.
atheist said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:16
Uh oh… better brace myself.
phleabo said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:17
I think the fact that the title of his post paraphrases the title of an Ann Coulter book gives one all he might need to dismiss it without further concern.
Batocchio said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:18
JK47 wow, thanks, that was great!
As to D. Aristophanes – your version of Giles demonstrates what I think what’s called in polite circles a “dizzying intellect.” ;-)
Garrigus Carraig said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:18
Hoo boy. Here comes the backlash!
[...crickets...]
Thanks for makin’ me read that. Dammit.
sophie brown said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:21
Well if they’re published by Regnery, they have to be good!!!
a different brad said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:22
As an admitted dirty fucking hippie, I have to ask Doug Giles something; why do you give me so much power over you? It’s like his entire existence is predicated on doing the opposite of what his cartoon version of hippies do.
At least us hippies have the balls to actually face our political enemies. The right has dealt with nothing but strawmen for decades now. I don’t see what’s so brave about picking on an enemy that doesn’t exist.
Goug Diles said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:23
Look, if I can imagine a creature perfect in some degree, isn’t that a proof of the existence of a being perfect in the highest degree? Whoosh! Just do it!
Notorious P.A.T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:28
When the pissy God haters tell you the Bible condones slavery, you can remind them that slavery was abolished only when devout Christians, inspired by the Bible, launched a campaign in the early 1800s to abolish the slave trade.
You hear that, everyone? Slavery in America ended in 1800, not in 1863 as you previously thought. Please djust your memories accordingly.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:29
Inside D’Souza’s book you’ll find little gems like, “The Crusades, the Inquisition, the Galileo affair, and witch hunts together make up less than 1% of the murders that have occurred during modern atheist regimes like Stalin, Hitler, and Mao.”
Hitler was an atheist because. . . well, just because, alright, you stupid atheist?!?
RodeoBob said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:31
This would be the same D’Souza who doesn’t understand what an “Argument from Ignorance” is?
Yeah. Somehow I’m not too worried. Now, when a theist actually has facts about the existence of god, then we’ll have ourselves a time…
RodeoBob said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:32
Crud. It was a link in the preview, I swear!
Skeptiko highlights the latest idiot solo on the D’Souzaphone:
http://skeptico.blogs.com/
mikey said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:33
Facts.
Excuse me, I was doing some other stuff. I thought you said “Facts”.
Y’see, the reason that religion is called “Faith” is that even it’s adherents recognize it is entirely fact free. If you could find god with the Arecibo telescope or the CERN LHC or a good polynomial equation, then it would fall under the purview of “Science”, not “Faith”.
Look. Many of us don’t really give a rats ass if you want to believe in fairy tales and just so stories after you’ve grown up. We would really only like to get two things from you. First, stop trying to make us follow the crazy rules laid out in a book written by fourth century goat herders. We’ll do fine with these wacky secular “laws”. Second, stop making us out to be the worst thing since, well things. We’re the same, atheists and dogmatics. Humans. We have a different opinion about how things work at the largest scale, but neither of us is ever gonna convince the other, so let’s just get along. I’ll stay outta your churches, you stay outta my bars….
mikey
phleabo said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:35
Well, to be honest, it’s kind of inconvenient in that context to acknowledge that Hitler was, in fact, a Christian.
God Guiles said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:35
Technically, slavery was officially abolished in the United States in 1865 when the 13th Amendment was ratified by three-quarters of the then-existing States. In your face, atheist! Psych!
tigrismus said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:40
Right, because these books haven’t already been written, over and over, by much smarter, better writers. If those smart folks didn’t satisfactorily answer atheists, the work Giles’ friends’ mighty intellects(hey, he’s impressed, what does that tell you?) sure as hell won’t.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:40
Well, to be honest, it’s kind of inconvenient in that context to acknowledge that Hitler was, in fact, a Christian.
Oh, come on, Hitler was excommunicated from the Catholic church for his atheism!
What? He wasn’t? Whoops.
Yes, Adolf Hitelr has not been excommunicated. But Joe Dimaggio and Sinead O’Connor were. Nice religion.
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:41
The atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close.
Gosh, were we living in the Era of Atheists Running Circles Around Christians? I guess I missed it.
How does that work anyway? If you run a circle around a Christian, do they get all dizzy and lose their belief in God?
Roger Ailes said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:42
Sorry to be a know-it-all anal-retentive asshole spelling Nazi, but it’s Levitz.
And the odds you’ll love it there are pretty slim.
DoughloadMcFartypants said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:42
Ah, once again we have moonbats pontificating on matters of which they know absolutely nothing.
“Blah blah godbags blah babbity-blah Bible-thumpers blah blablah BLAH
christofascists yadda yadda ya Marcotte RULEZ!!!
fardels bear said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:44
Slave TRADE ended before slavery did in the US. (1808? I’m too lazy to look it up). ANd we’ll give Dougie credit for it if he admits that christians justified it with their theology for the previous 200 years.
And we all should have stopped reading Dougie as soon as he made the ludicrious claim that a book published by Regnery actually contained “facts.”
And I can’t wait for said publications to explain if God has true knowledge of what it is to do evil. If God does have such knowledge, then God has done evil and is not all-good. If God does not have such knowledge then God is not omniscient. And, yes, this question will be on the official Atheist Test that all citizens must pass or be put into camps by President Hillary.
tigrismus said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:44
Does the posting fairy not like linkies? It ate my post! Too bad for Giles, because it PROVED the existence of God, but I’m too lazy to type it in again. Atheists win again!
erlking said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:46
Amen, mikey.
Dogie Slug said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:49
Look, would I be able to reason if God did not exist? NOT!
Karl Steel said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:51
Inside D’Souza’s book you’ll find little gems like, “The Crusades, the Inquisition, the Galileo affair, and witch hunts together make up less than 1% of the murders that have occurred during modern atheist regimes like Stalin, Hitler, and Mao.”
Who did the Galileo affair kill? I think he means the 30 Years War. And the Cromwellian conquest of Ireland. And, why not, the European destruction of the New World, which was at least in part justified through Xianity.
At any rate, obviously Stalin/Hilter/Mao/Dulles/Reagan/King Leopold killed more people, even per capita (given that we have to adjust–duh–for higher populations in the 19th and 20th centuries), because of a little thing called the industrial revolution. Cause you know what else occurred at, oh, 99% greater volume in the last 150 years: the production of lace. Friggin atheists!
Rufus said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:53
“Hundreds of thousands of Christians and authors are about to read these books”
Christians and authors? Why the distinction? Will the only non-Christians to read these books be authors?
Principal Blackman said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:53
Geez, even the Clownhall commentariat are calling Giles stupid for this one. That’st he kind of shame that haunts you for a long time.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:01
Does the posting fairy not like linkies?
Jinkies!
Galactic Dustbin said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:02
“Hundreds of thousands of Christians and authors are about to read these books” I dont think ANY book by Regnery has been read by hundreds of thousands. Hundreds, sure, thousands… maybe- but the vast majority are never cracked open and are used to heat the cheap mottels that Safcliff brings hookers too. It’s a fact!
dan said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:03
see… sadly, it really doesn’t matter. for a dork like this, arguments always worked. they always have and always will. he’s always won against an atheist. and will continue to. BUT now with these books, everyone else can too. it’s like, the doug giles home game.
which is funny. i mean, one can logically conclude that the way this guy’s “talking” he’s lost more than his fair share of religion debates. why else would one mark such an occasion? but if you ask him straight up? i’m sure it’d be one of those “wha? oh. no. not ME. other people.”
dan said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:06
oh also? dinesh cites galileo as a great contribution of christianity. so, ya know. we’re not exactly dealing with a great mind, here. personally, i’d be embarrassed if dude was on my team.
Paddy Mac said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:06
“Oh, come on, Hitler was excommunicated from the Catholic church for his atheism!
“What? He wasn’t? Whoops.”
Hitler helped to carry out the Holocaust, and so we know he was not excommunicated by the Catholic Church. The Church did not excommunicate any man for his participation in history’s greatest crime. That anyone takes such an organization seriously shows the power of indoctrinating helpless children with frightening stories of eternal threats. If Giles now says that the helplessly indoctrinated need rational support for their beliefs, he may as well admit to having lost the battle.
Doctorb Science said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:10
Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact.
(I am going to trial because you don’t understand what a blooper reel is?)
D. Aristophanes said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:11
Sorry to be a know-it-all anal-retentive asshole spelling Nazi, but it’s Levitz.
That’s why I couldn’t find the catch-phrase on Google! That one was purely from memory.
Thanks, Roger, you are truly a Titan of Triviality and I take my hat off to you.
slightly_peeved said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:13
Speaking as a Theistic Evolutionist (so my answer to CCHPI’s third question is: “sounds good to me.”) I really don’t get what purpose books like D’Souza’s have other than propping up people with very shaky faith. If the only way you’re going to maintain your belief in god is by also maintaining that adam and eve rode dinosaurs – good luck, buddy.
The stated motivation of some of these fundies is to spread the gospel, but if they were serious about that they’d do a lot better by, well, not acting like complete douchelords. How about some of that “Love thy neighbour as thyself” stuff – I think that’s mentioned a couple of times in the bible, and as a nice bonus, it’s a moral stance that is not factually provable or disprovable. Don’t go in to the bar and start arguing with the atheists – buy them a round. If you want a real christian motif, make it a couple of bottles of good red wine and some nachos.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:15
challenge the pouty anti-God cabal
Oh dear. Remember the last time we took the anti-God cabal to a party, and some Christian challenged it. First there was pouting, then there was flouncing, then it locked itself in the bathroom with a bottle of tequila while we knocked on the door and asked if everything was OK.
I have no idea what image he is trying to create by describing atheists’ arguments as “old and haggard”. Is he trying to blacken them by association with crystal meth and male prostitutes?
jgmurphyj said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:17
read three words and you need read no further:
“published by Regnery.”
Linus said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:26
What is Giles doing in that photograph? Drinking a shot? Smoking a joint? Playing a kazoo? Estimatng the approximate size of his penis?
The Mechanical Eye said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:31
Wow.
It’s like you summarized the Collected Works of Jonah Goldberg with those Doug Giles responses.
I’m impressed.
atheist said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:32
Don’t go in to the bar and start arguing with the atheists – buy them a round. If you want a real christian motif, make it a couple of bottles of good red wine and some nachos.
It would be nice, wouldn’t it?
I have known Christians like that. They did not convince me to become a Christian, but they did convince me that most Christians are not like Doug Giles.
RandomObserver said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:45
This guy is fundamentally confused about what atheists believe.
Atheists don’t belive in God. Full stop.
Whether or not someone believes that religion is anti-science has nothing to do with atheism and is not a tenet of atheist belief. (Or non-belief)
le chien de detritus said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:56
OT: Keith Olbermann just referenced Blogs4Brownback, calling it right-wing blog. Way to go Psycheout!
D. Sidhe said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:57
Remind me, what’s my reaction supposed to be when I hear Keith Olbermann mocking the reality-impaired nature of Blogs4Brownback’s assessment that Dumbledore is gay and therefore unfit to walk the planet?
D. Sidhe said,
October 24, 2007 at 2:58
I type too damned slow. I still require response-aid, however.
slightly_peeved said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:12
They did not convince me to become a Christian, but they did convince me that most Christians are not like Doug Giles.
I don’t really see myself on the side of “Christians”. I see myself more on the sides of “people who appreciate that people don’t agree on stuff.” That way, I don’t have to get into arguments over whether my side caused more genocides than the other side.
eris said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:16
I just know Dinesh is going to open the eyes of my heart, purse the lips of my pancreas, and wiggle the ears of my liver!!!
Moxie said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:20
I was an atheist, but then I saw the light!
(Actually, I’m still an atheist. But like the man said, “If you’re just going to make shit up, why not go hog wild?”)
Matt T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:23
Atheists don’t belive in God. Full stop.
No. Atheists don’t believe in any gods. I don’t believe in Shiva like I don’t believe that Jesus rose from the dead like I don’t believe that UFO’s come from a hidden Hollow Earth kingdom populated by bisexual, red-headed midgets. Thor is just a comic book character, no matter what a disturbingly large number of doughy, bearded dudes with Celtic tattoos think. Read your Joseph Campbell, folks believe in a whole lot of goofy shit that atheists, by definition, do not.
There is a distinction and it should be noted, I think. After all, Christians don’t believe in a whole helluva lot of gods.
Tehanu said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:23
Hey, don’t diss the real Farmer Giles of Ham! He was actually cool, whereas Doug is a douchebag!
mikey said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:25
And to think we knew Psycheout in his formative years.
We just need to let him go.
He’s with the stars, now….
mikey
Matt T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:27
Ouch, sorry, but I can’t let this go:
“Read your Joseph Campbell, folks believe in a whole lot of goofy shit that atheists, by definition, do not.”
Should read:
“Read your Joseph Campbell, and you’ll learn folk believe in a whole of goofy shit that atheists, by definition, do not.”
I wouldn’t want to be accused of swiping Kaye, Grogan’s! shtick.
owlbear1 said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:27
Doug is threatening to throw Atheists into a paper-mache Volcano built by Dinesh D’Souza?
Oooh! SCARY!!
Righteous Bubba said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:29
Thor is just a comic book character
Just? JUST?
J— said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:36
Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, San Jose!
This is proof of the divine. The damn camera ad jingle will stay with me forever and ever. Just like that Pete Ellis Dodge ad.
Matt T. said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:40
Yes, as long as Straczynski’s still writing him. Just how it is.
Now, with Walt Simonson writing him, there’s a deity I could see worshiping. Or at least thinking highly. But not right now, and not for at least the time it takes to fill out a trade paperback.
But take heart and remember, no one talks a line of shit like Thor. Verily.
Jon H said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:45
Can God create Rock so hard he can’t play it?
jim said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:55
What’s the classic saying?
“Shut up,” he explained.
J— said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:56
Can God create Rock so hard he can’t play it?
No.
jim said,
October 24, 2007 at 3:56
For Jon H. at 3:45, the evidence for this case is Jimi Hendrix.
W. Kiernan said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:10
You know, you guys laugh and sneer, but in my opinion, Dinesh D’Souza’s one sharp cookie. The reason I say this is because I finally got around to actually reading that magnum opus of his, The End Of Racism. I had always heard that it was this tract which claimed that there wasn’t any such thing as racism in the U.S.A. anymore, that was dead and gone, so you over there, yeah, you, loud-mouth black guy with your bitching and bitching, just shut the fuck up. Didn’t sound too promising.
But one day I happened to see a copy of it in the public library so I figured, whatthehell I’ll have a look at this thing. So I open it up, and there’s a cover page and an index and an introduction and a preface and a table of illustrations, and I patiently read through all that. Then I came to the strange part, which was about a hundred and fifty pages of sketches, graphs, charts and random doodles – no text at all. So I’m flipping through all these pages, increasingly puzzled, when finally toward the back of the book I get to a page with text, which reads,
and that’s the end of the page, so I turned to the next page and read:
Say, did you ever see this guy’s house?
Sjofn said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:12
I have found, in my life as a non-athiest, that if I don’t want to argue about the existance of God with athiests … I just don’t fucking bring it up. It works so well, I even married an athiest!
Karen said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:12
The scariest thing for me in that entire post was that I could identify the sources of 95% of those annoying slang terms. I’m going to go hit my hand with a hammer for wasting so much of my 44 years on Earth watching bad television.
Sjofn said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:13
Atheist. Atheist. A T H E I S T. I don’t know why I spell that wrong so consistantly. I’m a bad person.
Some Guy said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:14
Man, Canon of Philosophical Inquiry is going about this waaaaay too wordy.
My question would be something more like, “How the hell can you worship such a whiny, needle-prick, narcissistic, asshole, spoiled brat of an only child that is the Old Testament God?”
But that’s just me.
lobbey said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:18
Inside D’Souza’s book you’ll find little gems like, “The Crusades, the Inquisition, the Galileo affair, and witch hunts together make up less than 1% of the murders that have occurred during modern atheist regimes like Stalin, Hitler, and Mao.”
dont think anyone died during the “Galileo affair”, sounds like a 60′s drama, Dinesh.
Oh, so its all about numbers of dead, so killing a few hundred thousand back in the day was OK, but millions dying in the 20th century was a no-no. there are so many things wrong with that sentence, that I cant even respond.
cleter said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:30
Oh, Dinesh. The misguided effort to find Prester John and/or convert the Great Khan to Christianity is what made Europeans blunder over to the Americas and ultimately wipe out 90% of the population of this hemisphere. That’s more than Hitler (who wasn’t an atheist, by the way) was able to do.
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:38
“Galileo affair”, sounds like a 60’s drama
Or a Robert Ludlum novel.
Arky said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:46
Yes! All of the Christians will have one (hint, hint) so you’d better buy one too so you’ll know what to expect [*cough*buymybook*cough*]. In fact, anyone who doesn’t buy my book will be totally uncool!
That’s actually pretty clever. But I’m not sure he wants to mention Haggard just now…
Djur said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:51
Say what you want about YHWH, but at least he doesn’t threaten to toss everyone who doesn’t believe unto him into a fiery pit of eternal torment.
Some Guy said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:52
Why doesn’t Dinesh mention the Ireland revolution? Or the 100 Years War? Or any of the other dozens of religion on religion conflicts?
Yeah, they keep hoping no one will call them on the “Hitler the Atheist” thing.
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:53
The atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close. Yes, the fat lady just wrenched herself off her humongous backside, has cleared her throat and now is fixin’ to sing the finale on the atheist’s ability to have fun with their specious little fairy tales at the Christians’ expense.
This paragraph is pure demented gold. There isn’t a single idea in it that makes a lick of sense.
And how peculiar Doug uses the phrase “fairy tales” to describe atheists’ arguments. Wouldn’t atheists totally NOT tell fairy tales?
Ruthie said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:00
An argument from ignorance is:
… a logical fallacy in which it is claimed that a premise is true only because it has not been proven false or that a premise is false only because it has not been proven true.–Skeptico, RE: D’Souza’s D’Stupidity
Like the premise that God actually exists?
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:00
Even his fucking title makes no sense: “How to shut up an atheist if you must.”
I know he’s cribbing off Ann Coulter, but he fucks it up.
Hysterical Woman said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:01
So apparently we don’t know really common slang words, but we still apply them to God. Or maybe we’re using the non-slang meaning and saying that God is sucking up the universe. Perhaps the Rapture will be when God manages to suck up the Fundies.
(Actually, I’m more of an agnostic than an atheist.)
mikey said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:02
I KNOW, right?
Hi g. Glad you’re not on fire.
The whole idea is about having a logical, provable, repeatable, observable reason to believe in anything!
Wouldn’t fairy tales require fairies?
Sorry, just askin….
mikey
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:05
Say what you want about YHWH, but at least he doesn’t threaten to toss everyone who doesn’t believe unto him into a fiery pit of eternal torment.
Christian, God. God, Christian. I don’t believe that you have met?
You made me chuckle
a different brad said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:09
Off topic- Psycheout from blogs4brownback was quoted by Olbermann on Countdown tonight. I’m just watching it now. About Dumbeldore being gay, just before George Carlin came on.
I can only imagine the gigglefest that produced.
Thomas said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:19
…systematically dismember your old and haggard arguments…
Haggard, haggard…where have I heard that word before? Haggard…member…oh, now I dismember, er, remember!
Ruthie said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:19
Say, did you ever see this guy’s [Dinesh d'Souza's] house?
Sadly, yes.
D. Sidhe said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:25
As to the “fairy tales” thing, I believe Doug has lumped all heathens and pagans together in the “non-Christian, therefore atheist” category. It’s pretty common among the One True God types. As in, if you don’t believe in the Real God, you don’t believe in god at all. It’s stupid, but so’s Doug.
And again, why is he on that page? He’s not Canadian. He’d hardly be proud of it anyway. Are you guys that hard up for halfwits that you have to import them?
mikey said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:28
I dunno if it’s a great band name or not.
But if I was in a band? I’d want to name our first album
“Hard up for Halfwits”…
What?
mikey
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:39
Hi, mikey. We’re not on fire, thank Dog. Malibu only lost about 6 homes.
We were very very lucky. It was a tense coupla days. I’m still choking on smoke in the air.
But its very sad what’s happening to other people. The San Diego and Lake Arrowhead fires are just heartbreaking.
Hoosier X said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:42
Somebody at Sadly, No linked to Dave’s Long Box. That’s awesome. Maybe Chris Arndt will backtrack to here and show us that he’s a little smarter than Dinesh D’Souza.
Albatross said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:46
“If God made the Universe, who made God?”
I’m just askin’…
FlipYrWhig said,
October 24, 2007 at 5:59
Suck, for you thick atheists, is a slang word which means to make or to be really, really crappy
Is this supposed to be a joke about how atheists, who are one and the same with liberals, might be offended that “suck” originated as a homophobic expression? Otherwise, I’ve got nothin’. I can’t believe I ate the whole thing. Burn!
Samwise said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:04
fardels bear said,
October 24, 2007 at 1:44
Slave TRADE ended before slavery did in the US. (1808? I’m too lazy to look it up). ANd we’ll give Dougie credit for it if he admits that christians justified it with their theology for the previous 200 years.
Well, if you want to get all technical about it, the legal Transatlantic slave trade to the U.S. ended in 1808. After that date however, slaves were still smuggled in to the U.S. especially before the British and Americans began intercepting slave traders off the coast of Africa in the 1840s. More importantly, thousands upon thousands more were traded internally. There was an especially large flow from the upper south to the lower south as tobacco production dropped and cotton production increased in the first decades of the 19th century.
(This message brought to you by whoever scheduled me to TA Intro to African American History three semesters in a row even though it has next to nothing to do with what I study)
Fats Durston said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:20
Europeans blunder over to the Americas and ultimately wipe out 90% of the population of this hemisphere. That’s more than Hitler (who wasn’t an atheist, by the way) was able to do.
Really, you can’t blame this on Christianity, since the Europeans had no clue of the animalcules residing in their bodies that would eliminate millions of Americans, even if a new Crusade was kinda sorta on Columbus’s mind. You could blame it on God, however…
Fats Durston said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:25
Re: Samwise.
In addition to the increase of internal U.S. slave-trading (both before and after 1808, thanks to Eli), the British efforts to stamp out the Atlantic trade resulted in an increase in slave “harvesting” from the East African coast, which by the middle of the century had established caravan routes that required some slaves to march nearly 1000 miles to the coast for embarkation. The road to hell…
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:34
“The atheist’s days of running circles around the Christian with their darling questions are drawing to a close. Yes, the fat lady just wrenched herself off her humongous backside, has cleared her throat and now is fixin’ to sing the finale on the atheist’s ability to have fun with their specious little fairy tales at the Christians’ expense.”
This paragraph is pure demented gold. There isn’t a single idea in it that makes a lick of sense.
Ah, but the alliteration! Membership of the Alliterati isn’t easy to acquire, but Giles has earned it.
And I can sort of see how his mangled phrases arise. The message is the important thing for him, after all, so his mind goes running off ahead, thinking about what he’s going to say next. Running on autopilot — and assigned the trivial job of how to say it — his verbal lobe knows that “running in circles” and “running rings around” are both useful phrases… but it can’t choose between them… so they telescope together on the way to his fingers, and what comes out is “running circles around”.
It could happen to anyone.
OK, I’m just trying to look for a silver lining out of a sow’s ear.
Some Guy said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:44
“Fats Durston said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:20
Really, you can’t blame this on Christianity, since the Europeans had no clue of the animalcules residing in their bodies that would eliminate millions of Americans, even if a new Crusade was kinda sorta on Columbus’s mind. You could blame it on God, however…”
If they blame WWII on Hitler being an Atheist, we can blame Christianity for germs.
Grumpy Realist said,
October 24, 2007 at 6:46
*sigh*….could those jumping up and down purporting to have atheist-killing arguments please please pretty please with sugar on top READ all the back-and-forth and argumentation that has ALREADY been written by a cornucopia of excellent thinkers over, oh, 2000 years or so BEFORE said spouters of said arguements open their pie-holes?
I mean, it’s not that difficult to crack open an Intro to Philosophy textbook and discover why the so-called “Proofs of Existence of God”…. aren’t any such thing.
And wasn’t it St. Augustine himself who said something along the lines of “Christians, don’t act like a bunch of dumb idiots screaming out stuff everyone knows makes no sense. You just make all of us look stupid.”
g said,
October 24, 2007 at 7:06
would those jumping up and down purporting to have atheist-killing arguments please please pretty please with sugar on top READ all the back-and-forth and argumentation that has ALREADY been written by a cornucopia of excellent thinkers over, oh, 2000 years or so BEFORE said spouters of said arguements open their pie-holes?
Ah. but you fail to see the beauty of Giles’s argument. The debate, which has been raging since the beginning of the written word, is about to be settled because of the wing-nut welfare publication of 2 books. It’s really very simple….
Anne Laurie said,
October 24, 2007 at 7:40
Best analogy I can come up with, after 50 years of living with both theists and atheists of most common American varieties, is that there are two separate human urges / needs / abilities which are always getting conflated, with unhappy results for both sides of the equation.
First is the Religious Impulse, or lack thereof, which seems to be distributed among humans in something like the same ratio as right-handedness versus left-handedness. It may be that RI is actually hard-wired into our genetic code, the same way handedness is, but for my purposes it’s enough to know that quite a large percentage of the population has *some* kind of impulse towards spirituality, while a (probably somewhat smaller) percentage simply Does Not. Now, a person born without the Religious Impulse can be beaten into behaving like a Believer, just as a left-handed kid can be beaten into right-handedness — which was, of course, the prescribed “cure” for sinistrality for most of recorded history — but even the most rigorous enforcement of the Right Hand Code is going to significantly change the percentage of inherited non-compliance. (Actually, if the RI is genetic, it’s probably polyvalent, since its expression seems to be along a wide spectrum rather than simply R or L. But such is the unhappy state of our society that most of the time the question “Are you a Believer?” requires a one-word, yes/no answer.)
The second part of the human social equation is the need for a General Universal Theory of Everything, just to keep things orderly. Enforcement of a tribal or state religion has been one of the commonest methods of ensuring that the local GUTE would keep people doing the right jobs, eating the right foods, marrying the right people, and otherwise making the gears of each particular human world mesh smoothly & efficiently. Since most people, most places, most of the time, seem to have *some* inclination, however mild, towards the Religious Impulse, memorizing a list of Thou Shalts / Thou Shalt Nots is as easy and “natural” as babies picking up languages. And even for people born with little or no Religious Impulse, social pressures in a closed society — the state of most of the human race for most of human history — ensured a level of compliance with the local GUTE sufficient to keep the neighbors happy and the in-laws from demanding repatriation of the dowry or the offspring.
Our modern problem is that we don’t have a single, one-size-fits-all, good-enough-for-government-work General Universal Theory of Everything any more. There’s no shortage of GUTEs, but a significant number of people just can’t be happy with their own personal GUTE unless they can (try to) force everyone to accept the One True GUTE, namely theirs. And in America, at least, the general excuse for this kind of hectoring the unbelievers is that “Society Will Break Down” unless every other American can be forced into at least pretending that they believe in A Personal Relationship with Jesus, or Papal Infallibility, or Libertarianism, or the Flat Tax, or Health Conscious Living Via Calorie Control and Exercise, or even Militant Atheism (because God is dead and now He wants to kill YOU!).
What we need is some way of separating our individual urges from our group needs — internalizing the reality that “godly” people can behave anti-socially and that “rationalists” can behave communally, as well as the other way around. Of course, achieving that kind of balance is so unlikely as to constitute the End of History (as we know it)…
Anne Laurie said,
October 24, 2007 at 7:48
The debate, which has been raging since the beginning of the written word, is about to be settled because of the wing-nut welfare publication of 2 books. It’s really very simple….
Not half as simple as Giles, though.
Glad you and yours are okay out there, G!
D. Aristophanes said,
October 24, 2007 at 7:54
My left hand and my right hand are fighting for the right to ask Anne Laurie if they can hold one of hers.
RobW said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:25
This post made me blow my New Coke (by Beatrice!) all over my shoebox-sized cell phone.
RobW said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:26
(hee hee- I just mentioned coke and blow in a comment about ’80s references and didn’t even notice…)
D. Aristophanes said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:28
‘Slam dance them with facts’ is clearly the new ‘bacon and Play-Doh’.
suedehead said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:34
“If God made the Universe, who made God?”
I’m just askin’…
My 7-year old nephew asked this EXACT question last night.
I told him that Man made God. This earned me a stern look from his mother. Apparently the nephew is studying the Bible in school right now and this might not be a good topic for discussion in the classroom.
Kids today.
Hoosier X said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:37
How the existence of Bill O’Reilly proves the existence of God
suedehead said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:41
Yeah Anne, I’m sick of other people trying to shove their GUTEs down my throat!.
Eeeww….That doesn’t sound sexy at all.
DEMIZE! said,
October 24, 2007 at 8:47
I am fairly certain that even Jesus of Nazareth would dislike dinESh d’sOuZa!11
Percyprune said,
October 24, 2007 at 9:07
The lengths people go to in order to defend their imaginary friend never ceases to amaze me.
Pinko Punko said,
October 24, 2007 at 10:16
Seriously, DA, how often do you drive by Levitz’s GIANT SIGNS???
Krassen said,
October 24, 2007 at 10:35
Anne,
I’d think that in this day and age a mature democracy would be capable of keeping things orderly without a GUTE, you know, by having rational laws and legislative process, and shit… And then if somebody is having religous urges they can relieve them in their own privacy…
The point here is this: we’ve had a few authors who have finally deided to say: Basta! we’ve been killing people for far too long in the name of these religous impulses, enough is enough!
And now we have a couple of other books that are supposed to totally like turn the tables around by saying,
“So what? Compared to other doctrines (nazism, stalinism, and maoism) Jesus-ism is not so bad. ”
I’m not going to nitpick here that ones are intense lunacies that only have lasted a decade or two, while the other is more of a chronic disorder that is going strong in its third milenia. The point is, how about having a GUTE and world order that are more based on rationality than on lunacy? What’s wrong about that? And if you are keen to observe your religuous or other impulses you keep it to yourself and not try to shove it down the throats of others… Isnt that fair?
MFB said,
October 24, 2007 at 11:45
I had no idea that Christianity was in such desperate danger, and so unpopular, in the United States, that it needs the support of poxy crypto-fascist nincompoops.
To whom should I send the food parcels?
Ahmed Dinner Jacket said,
October 24, 2007 at 14:12
Say hello to my little friend God!
Fishbone McGonigle said,
October 24, 2007 at 14:28
Atheist. Atheist. A T H E I S T. I don’t know why I spell that wrong so consistantly. I’m a bad person.
Perhaps for the same reason you misspell “existence” and “consistently?”
Hey, don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who brought it up.
Woodrowfan said,
October 24, 2007 at 14:56
After thousands of years of arguing about God and Dinesh D’Souza and Robert Hutchinson found the answer everybody else missed? Uh, yeah, sure, ok., whatever you say (backs slowly towards the door smiling all the way)…
Gundamhead said,
October 24, 2007 at 15:05
Getting into the Giles groove, I’m going to quote the great philosopher Mr. T.
That Doug is Abso-ludicrous!!!
canuckistani said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:42
Doug Giles would never have quoted from Do The Right Thing.
Vin Scully said,
October 24, 2007 at 16:59
So, the atheists are simpletons who believe in fairy tales, the liberals are the racists, the liberals are the fascists and they’re the ones coarsening the discourse.
Man, this I-Know-You-Are-But-What-Am-I line of argumentation makes me almost miss being called a hippy.
Randomfactor said,
October 24, 2007 at 17:21
dont think anyone died during the “Galileo affair”, sounds like a 60’s drama, Dinesh.
O ye of little memory. At least one red-shirted ensign died in that epidode, before Spock dumped the fuel to light a signal flare and saved them all.
owlbear1 said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:03
Like, ZOINKS Spock!
Screamin' Demon said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:15
Yeah, yeah…late to the party, as usual.
Tell me, Dougie…why does Christianity teach that when we die, we deserve to burn forever and ever in Hell, simply because we had the unmitigated audacity to have been born?
Book ‘em, Danno! Beam me up, Scotty! Just the facts, ma’am! The story you are about to see is true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent! Shazam! Missed it by THAT much! Survey says! Danger, Will Robinson! Surprise, surprise, surprise! Sorry about that, Chief! Come on down! Crikey! I’d like to buy a vowel! I’m comin’ to join ya, Lizabeth! Good night, Chet! Good night, David! Would you believe…?
No, I guess you wouldn’t! ‘Cause you’re a scum-sucking atheist!
And that’s the way it is, Wednesday, October 24, 2007!
Thick Atheist said,
October 24, 2007 at 20:22
Baby got back.
edgyspice said,
October 24, 2007 at 21:09
“Galileo Affair”…wasn’t that a “Man From U.N.C.L.E.” episode?
(How is it that I’m 28 years old and able to make this reference? I need to get out more.)
Sjofn said,
October 24, 2007 at 22:48
Perhaps for the same reason you misspell “existence” and “consistently?”
Without a doubt! In my defense, at least I can keep “its” and “it’s” straight, something that seems to elude people far smarter than I.
And I can spell “juice” correctly now. When I was a wee lass, that was always my cue that I was out of the spelling bee.
bobbo said,
October 25, 2007 at 0:57
“I’m going to encourage the tens of thousands of Christians I address that every time and everywhere they get crapped on by an atheist . . . to open their mouths.”
I’m just saying.
Kate said,
October 25, 2007 at 5:32
I am so impressed by Anne Laurie’s comment, I cannot explain…I’ve cut and pasted her comment twice today. I’m with DA in that I cannot explain which hand I’d like to extend….
Vic said,
October 25, 2007 at 6:24
I hope the paperbacks will explain why half of the creatures God made in his image are dying of malnutrition right now.
wordyeti said,
October 25, 2007 at 10:05
“I’m going to encourage the tens of thousands of Christians I address that every time and everywhere they get crapped on by an atheist . . . to open their mouths.”
I’m just saying.
I think that one of the saddest things about this whole affair (and I’m still steamed that someone beat me to the neat-o Star Trek references), is that for some reason, Christians engaged in a discussion that calls upon them to actually think for themselves about the nature of existence, are so frightened and out of their depths that they find it crucial to find a book to tell them what to think and say.
Which, when you get down to it, is pretty much the problem with organized religions anyway.
There is some really sickening irony inherent in the idea that these scaredy-cat True Believers feel the need to memorize and spout out some pre-cooked & half-baked bullshit theology/philosophy to defend themselves from actually having to think … if even for a microsecond … about how ridiculous a worldview JK47 so ably boiled down way back up there at comment #1.
Thanks for that, BTW. I turned a friend of mine onto the Pastafarians, and he was so delighted that he’s driving around in a car with one of those little brass FSM imitations of the fish/Jesus symbol affixed to the rear bumper.
May His Noodly Appendage reach out to you all…
Marq said,
October 25, 2007 at 16:54
I believe the argument actually goes something like… this:
JEEBUS – “I like pie!”
Marq said,
October 25, 2007 at 17:46
Only thing is, a surprising number of Christians either haven’t actually read the Bible for themselves or they only absorbed the bits of it that they already agreed with. Now, in their favor, I must observe that that sucker is the size of a cinderblock. But, OTOH, those very people aren’t all that likely to buy even slim volumes by Dinesh D’Souza and Robert Hutchinson.
A great number of these Christians simply believe anything their pastor/priest/whatever has to say about what is in the Bible, and in a perfect world who could blame them? Of course, in the real world, a religious leader is as likely to be a Ted Haggard, a Jim Bakker, a Robert Roberts, a Jimmy Swaggart… the list is nearly endless, really. What do these frauds and charlatans have in common? They’re all con-men, of one sort or another. Instills very little confidence in their proffered religion, I’m afraid.