22
Gavin’s Non-Christmas Holiday Present Came Early This Year
Craps In Town”
Mark Noonan is talking about running against Harry Reid in 2010.
[T]aking on Reid is nothing to be entered into lightly. Reid has a mean streak a mile wide and he simply will leave no stone unturned in attempting to destroy any Republican who runs against him. Running against Reid will take immense moral courage and the confidence of a man (or woman) who simply doesn’t care what people say about him.
Gavin adds: That’s our Mark!
I think everyone here needs to make the appropriate sacrifices to whatever heathen gods they follow to ensure that this munificence ensues. In other words – Go Mark, Go!
Incidentally, this wouldn’t be the opening salvo for your side in that civil war you think we’re going to have, is it? Because that would just be extra-special funny if it were.
cleter said,
October 22, 2007 at 0:56
I think his line
“I am a nobody…but I’m a nobody who blogs…”
should be on a t shirt.
Phil Moskowitz, Lovable Rogue said,
October 22, 2007 at 0:58
“I’m also a person who really don’t give a hoot what people say about me.”
Yea, like “why can’t that blogging nobody learn some grammar.”
cleter said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:00
OMG I’m first! Is there any kind of dumbass thing I’m supposed to shout? A ritualized gesture I am supposed to make? Is there some sort of Overlord to whom I must genuflect? I forgot what kind of site this is. Is this the kind where we get straight to Teh Snark, or do we have to spend the first ten comments or so congratulating ourselves on our numerical sequence? Aiee, the pressure!
justme said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:03
That would be almost as much fun as this…
http://wonkette.com/politics/she.s-tan%2C-rested-and-ready/its-time-for-a-real-republican-candidate-312687.php
tb said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:05
Nooo-NAN! Nooo-NAN!
cleter said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:05
Is Mark Noonan the guy what makes sweet love to the goats, or is that somebody else? What manner of barnyard animal does future Senator Noonan favor?
tigrismus said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:06
Blogel tov, cleter!
justme said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:09
The new addition to the above…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EQW4zF0SHE&NR=1
Notorious P.A.T. said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:20
What a schmuck. He seems to think Reid’s abysmal approval ratings are a result of discontent with Democratic ideals rather than Reid’s failure to enact those ideals. Go ahead, Mark, run, and tell Pastor Swank to try for governor.
tc said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:31
You missed the part where he confesses: “There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed”
Save us. There are some things we’re all better off not knowing.
cleter said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:34
So, he’d tell us about the barnyard animals, then. Does he tell us when he starts his exploratory committee, or do we have to wait until he actually declares?
mikey said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:48
I wonder if I could weasel my way onto his campaign staff?
I’d wear a teeshirt that says:
“I’m a nobody – but I’m VERY regular”…
mikey
Mister DNA said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:50
You missed the part where he confesses: “There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed”
If a videotape surfaced of Mark Noonan huffing glue and diddling a chicken, it wouldn’t be as damning as this.
He’s too fucking stupid to realize that he’s already archived his most egregious sins on a website.
a different brad said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:53
Fuck pussyfootin around with the Senate.
Keyes – Noonan 08, or, if it must be, 12.
This is the greatest thing since I heard Bob and David are working on a new show for HBO, half an hour ago or so.
Run, Mark, run.
Lawnguylander said,
October 22, 2007 at 1:55
There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed (with no details of the actual sins, because I wouldn’t want to compromise any of the other participants, who would likely want to remain anonymous).
The text after the last comma is simultaneously the truest thing Noonan has ever written and the greatest understatement in the history of the world.
Mister DNA said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:08
This is the greatest thing since I heard Bob and David are working on a new show for HBO, half an hour ago or so.
I see Noonan getting routed by Howell Tankerbell in the Republican primaries.
klyde said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:09
Reid’s favorable rating was 32 percent, compared with 51 percent unfavorable and 15 percent neutral. Gibbons was viewed favorably by 30 percent, Bush by 34 percent.
34 percent, what the hell is wrong with Nevadans?
J— said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:12
From the Blogs for Bush post on this, Noonan commenting at 2:20 PM (ellipsis in the original):
Nah, they’d just go straight to Sadly, No! to get the shorter and funnier version.
Noonan commenting at 2:22 PM (ellipses his again):
Might as well start the drumbeat now: Why is Harry Reid afraid to debate this man?
Sid the Fish said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:13
Uh, did anyone look at the logo in the top right corner of Noonan’s site?
Proofreader, anyone?
g said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:21
Hi, sadly’s.
This malibu fire is getting scarey. My neighborhood is under voluntary evacuation order. Fire still distant, but the LA County fire department’s evacuation zone just to the south and west of us is under mandatory order.
We may be hunkering down in some motel in the valley, just us and the geriatric rottweiller, our 2 CPUs and our memories.
I don’t THINK the fire will get to our neighborhood, but it may be close; there may be embers blowing across the canyon if the fire crests Saddle Peak.
a different brad said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:26
To follow-up on the extended quote Lawnguylander posted, um, what?
if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed (with no details of the actual sins, because I wouldn’t want to compromise any of the other participants, who would likely want to remain anonymous).
“a detailed list …. with no details”
Anyone able to parse that? I’m stumped.
a different brad said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:27
Good luck, g.
Roket said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:32
“I’m also instructed, as a Christian, to pray for those who say unkind things about me – to love them…I’d love him [Reid] to (political) death.”
Lay some of that Christian love on me there bro. No wait; define “Christian love” first. While you’re at it define “unkind things”. Is that like the truth or something?
Tara the anti-social social worker said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:32
Since y’all got us started on anagrams on that other thread:
Mark Noonan = No non-karma
Hey, it’s as profound as anything he’d say in that hypothetical debate.
mikey said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:34
g. Be safe. It’s just shit. Take your loved ones, a backpack or a suitcase, and move early, before the roads are clogged and the smoke is dense. Everything can be replaced. Don’t paralyze yourself by thinking. Act.
Move now. You can come back if you called it wrong, and I’ll buy you a beer. But I remember the Oakland fire ten or twenty years ago. Most of the people who died were trapped by traffic and blinded by smoke.
You can’t go wrong by moving first…
And keep thinking. Don’t ever take anything at face value. You are the best resource to keep your people together.
Good luck…
mikey
J— said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:36
Stay safe, g. I’ve been following this through the LA Times throughout the day. I hope things settle down soon.
MrWonderful said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:42
g–
We’re in Studio City and have friends off Big Rock. And yes–what Mikey said. Act first and accuse yourself of being alarmist later. Let us know how it goes.
joanne murphy said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:46
Is he, by chance, Mr. Peggy Noonan?
I pray to God they don’t reproduce.
AveragewhiteBack said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:48
g – stay safe…the wind sounds like it is picking up. Get out of there.
SamFromUtah said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:49
Good luck, g.
SamFromUtah said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:53
Oh yes, and on topic – LOLz!
I’d love to see the Noonan/Reid debate. Can’t say I’m happy with Harry right now, but I’ve no doubt he could tear Noonan to smug little ribbons.
g said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:56
The fire is still a couple of canyons to the west of us, between us and the coast, and burning east and towards the coast. Right now the winds are taking it south and easterly, it’s going south of us. If we have to evacuate, our route is north.
It’s still a little premature right now. It may change at night. We’re keeping an eye on things. The Direct TV still works (cable subscribers in the Canyon are out of luck, cable went out at 3 p.m.). and we still have connection to DSL. There are a couple of good neighborhood bulletin boards, and some volunteer emergency organization phone trees. We’re in touch with our neighbors.
If we have to go, we’re ready.
bago said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:00
Good luck a different brad.
MrWonderful said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:01
Mark Noonan = No non-karma
also:
O no! Rank Man!
Koran on, man.
Ran amok? Non!
M. Bouffant said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:02
g: Thought of you when the Lower Topanga evac was announced on the news. Winds were very windy last night, even here in the flatlands. Hope all is well. You all can always crash @ my pad…
But do err on the side of caution, especially w/ those twisty, turny narrow roads up there, don’t want to get trapped & end up like those mikey referred to in Oakland.
noen said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:11
Take care g. Don’t second guess yourself.
lame man said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:35
Stay safe, g.
I’d send you a few bucks, but I just sent all of my disposable cash to the Noonan for a Dumber America committee.
a different brad said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:43
Good luck me? Good luck at what, not being driven insane by females?
Too late.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
October 22, 2007 at 3:56
…a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed…
1. Eyebrow waxing.
lame man said,
October 22, 2007 at 4:28
So, now that it’s a one run game and Westbrook just sat down Ortiz and Manny, will McCarver admit that he was full of crap when he advocated pulling Westbrook in the 2nd?
Some Guy said,
October 22, 2007 at 7:44
Noonan or Reid? … Huh.
I’m… that’s…. huh.
Noonan would, of course, be trounced in the the most embarrassing electoral landslide since Kittens v. 3rd Degree Burns, but still.
JR said,
October 22, 2007 at 9:24
Noonan considers himself the voice of the people? What is the percentage of people of believe what Noonan believes compared to what Reid believes? And which one has been elected to Congress again? Which one was elected SML?
What a clever gift Noonan has of saying something totally absurd and then finding delusions of grandeur within when people comment on his absurdity? Pretty soon he’s going to run out of absurd things to say and have to up the anty to V.P. or Attorneys General or something.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
October 22, 2007 at 9:42
I think Noonan should move to Massachusetts, and run against Ted Kennedy.
I’d pay to see that.
Alex said,
October 22, 2007 at 11:51
Vote the bipartisan ticket:
Noonan/Colbert ‘08 – Because We’re Already A Laughing Stock..
Gundamhead said,
October 22, 2007 at 13:02
Why stop there Noonan? Go for the White House! Being the Voice of the People and all it should be no problem.
For your running mate you’d want someone who will appeal to your constituency while not showing you up intelligence-wise. I suggest Kay Grogan (for the women voters) or Pastor Swank (for the Bible belt). How about Ben Shapiro for chief justice of the supreme court? Dan Riel could be your press secretary. Emperor Misha as foreign policy adviser. Michelle Malkin in charge of Homeland Security and Fjordman in charge of immigration. Hmm, I’d like to fit Ace O’ Spades and Foehammer in there somewhere. Well, I sure you can find something to put their talents to good use.
Anyway, let the pompous-idiot-loser blogger revolution begin! Build the Empire of inanity that shall last for a thousand years.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 22, 2007 at 13:41
Draft Katherine Harris!
Jon Parker said,
October 22, 2007 at 13:47
Noonan is on a roll. Check out this from Blogs for Bush:
the point is to get as many people as possible having the most irresponsible sex imaginable as soon as it can be arranged…this because the enemy of the left is morality and the family. So, if you break down morality (and, at the same time, demoralise the young by turning them into sexual animals who’s sense of self-worth is nonexistent) and prevent the formation of families, you’ll have advanced a long way towards the left’s dream world – an entirely atomised society without functioning societal breaks upon the power of the central government.
Really, he’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Jean Arf said,
October 22, 2007 at 14:42
Why is Harry Reid afraid to debate this man?
I don’t think “afraid” is the right word. A debate between Nooners and Harry Reid would come off like some kind of weird performance piece staged in a dank squat in the Lower East Side in the mid 80s by people with delusions of getting it to BAM. Harry Reid just isn’t that hip.
Lawnguylander said,
October 22, 2007 at 15:42
Looks like Noonan is developing a health care policy on his blog in preparation for his campaign. I think it can be boiled down to; “if you don’t have health insurance and you develop a serious health issue incurring high costs that might ruin you, no problem, man. Just ask one of your wingnut friends with a blog to solicit funds for you. Everything will be cool.”
Until the moonbats show up and start picking on the blogger in question in which case you up the ante with a campaign promise:
You see, moonbats? Don’t worry about sick kids with no health insurance. Noonan says he’s going to make everything alright. I think we should take him up on his offer.
Jean Arf said,
October 22, 2007 at 16:20
So Nooner’s imaginary friend is responsible for his sense of morality? Ummmmmkay.
He doesn’t know any poor children in need of health care? Surprising. He does know someone in need of a new grill — stat.
Legalize said,
October 22, 2007 at 16:33
I love these guys:
Christ, teh Lord blah blah blah commands that we “do the right thing” with respect to our fellow man, but if we set up an efficient public program with the purpose of, er um, doing the right thing with respect to our fellow man, we might as well be welcoming the second-coming of HItler, Stalin, Pol Pot, etc.
If Jebus compels us to be charitable anyway, what’s the big deal of setting up public program that essentially does exactly what he “commands” us to do? If SCHIP was rife with fraud, waste, and inefficiency, I’d be all for turning it upside down to remedy its flaws. But it doesn’t appear to have these problems; hell, even its opponents haven’t accused it of such.
I don’t get these people. It must really be rank stupidity that informs their every move. That’s all I can figure.
Pvt. Joker said,
October 22, 2007 at 17:05
Future NRO entry (circa Fall 2010):
“Noonan’s greatest weapon in his admittedly long shot campaign is his devastating use of the eyebrow arch. Throughout his debate with Reid, Noonan responded to the Senator’s statements by deftly raising an enormous hirsute flag that silently said to the auditorium ‘Really, Senator Reid? Do you expect Nevadans to believe that twaddle?’ Noonan did not even attempt to articulate positions and policies; those are trifles not needed from a man whose forehead alone signifies gravitas.”
Doodle-Bean said,
October 22, 2007 at 17:12
This is great news! Krazy Keyes has been uncharacteristically un-funny since he announced his candidancy, so Noonan’s news might be our best hope for comic relief in 2008.
And I second the “Draft Katherine Harris” idea! Or third it. Whatever.
Principal Blackman said,
October 22, 2007 at 17:17
Anyway, let the pompous-idiot-loser blogger revolution begin!
Did you see one of the slogans he’s considering is “The Powerful vs. The Blogosphere?” Holy shit, that’s funny. The whole thing is hilarious, in fact, and we absolutely must encourage Noonan to run. It’d be like the Keystone Kops running for office. Can you imagine being his campaign manager and trying to reel him in from saying crazy/stupid things? Talk about a thankless job….
tigrismus said,
October 22, 2007 at 17:24
Roket said,
October 22, 2007 at 2:32
“I’m also instructed, as a Christian, to pray for those who say unkind things about me – to love them…I’d love him [Reid] to (political) death.”
The verse actually says “pray for those who persecute you;” my understanding is that the verb and the “you” are plural, meaning Christians are supposed to pray for those who persecute Christians as a whole by, say, throwing them in jail or to lions or something, rather than those who just say things that hurt Noonan’s dainty feelings.
Rufus said,
October 22, 2007 at 17:39
How long before some enterprising young humorist starts up a Blogs4Noonan site? I fervently hope that the answer is soon. I’ll even settle for very soon.
alec said,
October 22, 2007 at 18:17
You know, as a Nevadan, I’d honestly prefer Noonan to Reid at this point. I hate the greasy little asshole, but the awful old Mormon dick holding the Senate powerball pissed me off badly enough that I just want him out.
I mean, I sincerely hope that a viable primary challenger pops up in 2010, because I’m seriously tired of Reid’s bullshit. The thing with trying to stifle Dodd’s hold made me angry enough I’d literally be willing to campaign with the GOP to get him out of office.
Fuck his pig-fucker northern Nevada small-town Mormon bullshit. Fuck his wrinkly old face.
http://alec.desperance.net/smarf/002.PNG
One quick tip to Noonan Fils, though – we really don’t like out-of-state candidates. The Republican electorate will eat you alive. I wouldn’t bother if I were you. You’re just gonna make an even worse ass outta yourself, momma’s boy.
alec said,
October 22, 2007 at 18:20
On the plus side – and this is definitely a plus, for a Republican – Noonan is a ridiculous, pompous fraud who got all he has by nepotism. No one would take him particularly seriously even in the surreal event he got elected, and he’d never last more than a single term before the adults took over the office again. But at the very least he’d disrupt our seniority.
I’m increasingly bothered by small states’ dominance of the seniority system. We’re assholes about it a lot of the time, and we abuse it on purpose. I don’t think anyone I know would vote for Harry if he hadn’t been promising to do good by us in the big chair. (Which, obviously, the 99% of America that doesn’t live in Nevada doesn’t want.)
Douglas said,
October 22, 2007 at 18:23
The really sad part is that he’d probably couldn’t fuck up things worse than Reid already does.
Principal Blackman said,
October 22, 2007 at 18:44
Alec–
Mark isn’t related to Peggy Noonan (yes, there are two wingnut Noonan families). He became a ridiculous, pompous fraud all by himself.
So, can we have a Mark Noonan Campaign Ad contest? The possibilities are endless.
Hoosier X said,
October 22, 2007 at 18:58
I’m sick today, and contemplating calling in sick to work. This line made me laugh so hard that it (almost) wasn’t worth it because my throat felt like it was on fire just because of good laugh. That’s bad.
I remember Kittens vs. 3rd Degree Burns. That was 1996, wasn’t it? I especially remember how disturbing it was when 3rd Degree Burns started doing Viagra commercials.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 22, 2007 at 19:13
Can you imagine being his campaign manager and trying to reel him in from saying crazy/stupid things? Talk about a thankless job….
That depends on your attitude. What if you just decided to encourage him to say crazy/stupid things? Awesome Job! Too bad it’s unlikely anyone could ever get paid for it.
billy pilgrim said,
October 22, 2007 at 20:11
Who will volunteer to follow him around with a video camera?
That’s hazard work, right there.
Alec said,
October 22, 2007 at 20:17
Mark isn’t related to Peggy Noonan (yes, there are two wingnut Noonan families).
Well there’s a month’s worth of fuel for nightmares.
(Mea culpa on that one, although given how many right-wing momma’s boys and other nepotists we have clogging, ah, ‘citizen journalism’… well, it’s hard to blame someone for it.)
Rightwingsnarkle said,
October 22, 2007 at 20:38
Noonan needs more lipstick.
(and make it a brighter red)
wordyeti said,
October 22, 2007 at 20:51
A debate between Nooners and Harry Reid would come off like some kind of weird performance piece staged in a dank squat in the Lower East Side in the mid 80s by people with delusions of getting it to BAM. Harry Reid just isn’t that hip.
Y’know, I think I was at a performance art piece like that, dragged there by an ex-girlfriend who I didn’t know at the time was washing her lithium down with Everclear. Which, after the point in the performance piece where they brought out the colostomy bags, didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
I particularly love the commenters who insist that they have the guns & numbers to just erase the hippie-lib’rul scum. Nice. Must be all the upper-class whities we see in the Armed Forces these days … what’s that?
Bush is granting citizenship to illegal aliens and furriners in return for them serving in the Army? Jeez … I wonder if they’d really stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the doughy white shitsmears that have been rounding up their relatives and advocating concentration camps for anyone darker than a paper bag…?
Righteous Bubba said,
October 22, 2007 at 21:37
All hail our Noonanite overlords.
Psycheout said,
October 22, 2007 at 22:53
Go get ‘em Mark! B4C has already endorsed Noonan for Senate.
Gavin M. said,
October 22, 2007 at 22:58
?? I thought the coloration was quite appropriate!
Principal Blackman said,
October 22, 2007 at 23:10
Awesome, Righteous Bubba.
Mark (not Noonan) said,
October 23, 2007 at 2:08
The comments are stellar on that site. I think this guy should be the campaign manager, he’s a super-genius!
Ooooh, tough guys. Look, tough guys!
Umm… Sparky, there’s a bunch of us non-right-wing-batshit-crazy folks who have firearms. Guess which ones!
Choose wisely…
RobW said,
October 23, 2007 at 2:35
Alec, as a Nevadan, you should know that the town of Searchlight (Reid’s hometown that he can’t go a day without mentioning) isn’t in the north. It’s in Clark County, south of Las Vegas. Just sayin’…
mikey said,
October 23, 2007 at 3:33
Umm… Sparky, there’s a bunch of us non-right-wing-batshit-crazy folks who have firearms.
Not only that, there’s a bunch of us who believe in what America the idea is about, and have been trained and blooded by the the very military these fucks are claiming to own. They’re gonna be really disappointed when the sergeants and cap’ns and majors who don’t need or have their political and career tickets punched are willing to stand up and honor their oath to protect and defend the constitution…not the fucks in charge, not the cowards who love war when it happens ten thousand miles away, not the so-called journalists who no longer care about their role in a real democracy, but the real front-liners round them up and offer them a chance – just one chance, big fellah, get on it or get out – to surrender or accept battlefield justice.
These dudes are idiots. If it happens, it will be very quick, it might be bloody, but the reality is the majority will honor their oath, and these fuckers will end up in prison if they are very goddam careful.
I’m old and dirty. I won’t give ‘em that option…
mikey
alec said,
October 23, 2007 at 8:25
As a point of clarification: I’m from Las Vegas. To us, they’re all northerners – including people in rural Clark. (Even if they’re south of us. It’s a long story, but it boils down to that we’re smug pricks.)
(That is to say, I know Reid might not be from ‘the north’ as geography might dictate, but Searchlight is squarely within the territory one would identify as the north / Mormon country, at least culturally.)
Djur said,
October 23, 2007 at 8:30
RobW: Alyuk didn’t say Reid himself was from northern Nevada, merely that he represents “pig-fucker northern Nevada small-town Mormon bullshit” as well as possesses a “wrinkly old face,” both of which he believes should be fucked.
alec said,
October 23, 2007 at 8:31
Yeah, and there’s a pretty strong consensus on that last bit.
Djur said,
October 23, 2007 at 8:33
Damn it to hell, Alec, we need to coordinate these things from here on out. In the future, you and I need to double-click on just how much piss goes in whose mouth around here. We need to hold a goddamn all-hands on this topic, OK?
alec said,
October 23, 2007 at 8:34
Yes: we will leverage our synergies into new dick paradigms.
andmoreqz » Comment on Gavin’s Non-Christmas Holiday Present Came Early This … said,
October 24, 2007 at 22:13
[...] check the full story here [...]
techwall » Blog Archive » Comment on Gavin’s Non-Christmas Holiday Present Came Early This … said,
October 25, 2007 at 23:13
[...] here to read This entry was posted on Monday, October 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 am and is filed under holiday [...]